Here I am again, I'm getting closer to leaving my home and I am sick to my stomach with nerves. I can't focus, my house is a mess of boxes, papers and the chaos of my life! I started to unpack a trunk that I have to go through and it is filled with all the emotional ties of my life. My papers, pictures , my kids special things from their school days etc. I can get lost very easy in there! Plus I have 3 tubs of pictures from my parents and this might not be the best time to go through everything but I can't leave this behind.

Plus I have to figure out how to sell the few things I have. So of course here I am writing. I think if I had someone here it would probably be a little easier but that's not my present life right now. In some ways I can't wait until I'm on the road and other times I'm scared as all heck. I'll be back , letting you know of my progress.
 
When I retired in 2014, I thought at least I would be less stressed but I was so wrong.As I write this, I am losing my home to forclosure, trying to pack up 15 years of memories and trying to condense everything I can in order to fit in my car. At the same time I'm dealing with the IRS ( yes ,even though my pension is $16,000) a year I found out that I do owe taxes on that, student loans, and I'm in intense therapy for PTSD that resulted from years of abuse starting when I was a very young child. Not a really good time for me right now. But I do have faith that I will get through all this, just overwhelming me at this point.


My plan now is to leave here and visit my friend in another state. It will take me about about  4 days to drive there , I've made the drive a few times in the last few years but I always had my house to come back to. I'm trying not to freak out too much but sometmes I can't breathe I am so scared. I'm hoping my car makes it  but I can't think too much about that . What do people say about borrowing trouble? So i won't even go there in my thinking.
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