Sometimes when I get up, and I usually get up at 4 or so when I do sleep, I am sort of energized, I can make plans for the day. I think I can make a run to the library, go to the grocery store, the usual things people do. But in a couple of hours I go from this somewhat confident woman to a woman curled up on the couch unable to do anything. I don't know what has happened to me. Is it because I retired and had plans that I am unable to keep, is it my depression or the PTSD that has me unable to cope? I do remember a time whenever anybody knocked on my door that I would cower under a window or behind a wall with my children scared to death and we didn't move until the person left. I thought I had left that behind but I haven't. I jump out of my skin whenever I hear even my phone vibrate.My doc did put me on a very small dose of Prozac and an anti anxiety med  and I'm doing EMDR with a therapist but I think I'm getting worse.

I do have my court phone conference call today about how long I will be in my house til the bank takes it. I think they had said about 30 days after the call but I will find out for sure . I just hope one of these senior apartments would open soon. Otherwise I'm not sure where I'm going unless it's back to Arizona but with my friend upset with me , that's sort of iffy too. I guess I could just get in the car and go wherever but I just want a stable place somewhere. I just can't think clearly right now. My mind is in a million different directions.