I have been watching Dr. Phill for years, ever since my mother got me into watching it. i am currently 18 years old ut have been through quite alot, i was diagnosed bipolar at the age of six my mother told me when i got older that i would throw these temper tantrums for no reason. I am very thankful that i have a mother that did not hesitate to get me help because im pretty positive that if i never got help i would possibly have ended up dead. As i got older i struggled making friends and keeping them, I am a very social, happy, chatty person ever since i was a young kid. As a kid i was diagnosed not only bipolar but also had/have ADHA which made it hard for me to concentrate in school and most of the time i was to much to handle, and i was so in my own world and thought i controlled everything that nobody wanted to be friends with me. As a child i never lived in one place my mother was a radiology tech. and had a constant moving job. So ive lived all over the place born in Long Island and i do not know the exact order but i moved to conneticut, Colorado, Georgia, Florida, Pennsylvania, Staten Island, and Brooklyn. So making friends was not only hard because of my inability to focus but also from the excessive amount of times i had moved. Att the age of 8 we had moved to Brooklyn, my parents never really got along so my father wound up asking for a divorce causing me anger, anxiety, depression, and because i was so young i was so confused and was incapable of fully understanding what was happening at the moment, not knowing how major of an effect it was going to have on me and my mothers life. my mother is my world if it wasnt for her i dont know what would have been, me and my mother then got an apartment in Long Island and shortly after that moved to Staten Island where my mothers bestfriend lived. She has 3 kids i will not disclose their names out of privacy reasons but at the time her oldest son was 14, 2nd oldest was her daughter age 12, and third was her daughter the same age as me which was 9. They deffidently helped me and my mother out a ton, my mother still worked in Long Island so she needed someone to take me to school, pick me up from school, and watch me till she got home from work which her oldest daughter offered to do. We then moved about a year later to Brooklyn with my grandmother which was not thrilled about the idea since they did not like my father from the start and did not get the approval for my mother to marry him. anyways im blabbing, when i moved to Brooklyn things were not the best my grandfather had just passed away, my father was dating the women he cheated on my mother with, my aunt and mother were not getting along, we were sleeping in a 10 by 10 room and my mother would sleep on the floor and to this day i feel so bad about what my mother has been through. I was so young that i wasnt even able to help her or support her or tell her evrything will be okay because her world was clapsing. I ended up being severly bullied in the first school i was in from the end of 4th grade to the beginning of 7th. I practicly drove myself crazy not understanding what was wrong with me. I was unable to sleep alone, had horrible anxiety which made my ADHD 10x worse because my mind was all over the place, i struggled horribly in elementary school and middle school because i was unable to comprehend what i was reading and keep up with the amount of school work causing me a great amount of stress. I had finally realized at the age of 12 that i started doing these little prayer things in my head over and over again which was driving me crazy and i was always counting. One day i came out and told my mom about these prayers and i wrote them all down on a piece of paper and she instantly brought me to get help, i then saw a psychiatrist and therapist being diagnosed with bipolar, depression, ADHD, OCD, anxiety, and borderline personality but BPD was more recent in the past year/year and a half since they try not to diagnose anyone with it untill they are over 18. i then started ripping my hair out of my head and having freak outs that i was admitted in a psychiatric ward in Long Island called south oaks for a month then after a week of being out i was placed right back into a different hospital in brooklyn called brookdale hospital whcih in my opinion is a HORRIBLE hospital to ever go too, after 2 months i came out for a week and went right back in a week later. i then got placed in an alternative middle school in the south bronx for the end of the 7thgrade and all of 8th grade, one day i came home at around the end of 7th grade and told my mother i can not be here anymore i need to be in a regular school. my mother then realized that i finally snapped out of what ever state of mind i was in for 2 years, i started highschool in brookyln and made a few mistakes through out it from my horrible impusion but i made it out graduating 6 months early from highschool and just finsihed my first semester of college, I do currently suffer still from my bipolar i am on medication to control my moods and anxiety which is zoloft, lamictal, and attarax, i still have my mood swings from being maic to depressed but they are not as rappid nor as frequent as they were. in the past 4 months that i have been in college it was a transition and very stressful, since i came into college in the middle of the school year it was yet again hard to make friends since everyone already had their groups of people, also the amount of work stressed me out. i made a mistake by getting involved with a guy which i should not have, i still do not know myself and am still trying to find myself, i feel the need to need people for comfort. i still currently struggle from manic episodes and depression, my anixety is very hard to control even with medication my heart feels like it is racing a hundred miles an hour and my mind but im sitting down. i have stolen from stores a few times out of impulse, ive gotten involved in guys off of impulse in the past year. I do have one friend that has never left my side and accepts me for who i am whcih is my bestfriend i have known for 2 years. she is the only person besides my mother that knows me like the back of her hand and csn tell when im being impulsive, anxious, depressed, manic, and getting involved with the wrong kinds of people. she keeps me straight i keep her straight we are the dynamic duo, i am also a psych. major in college since i love learning about mental illness and what happens in my own brain and others around me since it may help me understand others more and be less judgemental and be a more positive person.
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