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Well, it's off to see the wizard tomorrow (Dr. Phil),
I never know what to expect, but I can always count on something unusual.  I never know what mood everyone's going to be in, or whats planned for the day.  I hope I can keep my emotions in check, and not come off as to much of a shrew, at least most of the tears are gone, or at least I hope so...  For some reason whenever you enter the doors of the Dr. Phil House, your emotions somehow get laid out for all to see.  You forget about the cameras, and everything is so real, every nerve ending exposed, everything becomes raw all over again.  It's been an interesting process, I wonder what tomorrow will bring... 
 

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My video blog responding to questions about my husband.
 

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For more tune in to today's episode of The Dr. Phil's Housewives!
 

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My video blog entry from October 28, 2010.
 
I want to say "I'm sorry" to all the women who have written me, and asked me to be strong for them, and stand up and take my life back.  I know that I've let you down, I wish I could be strong for all of you, and do what everyone thinks I should do, and thats pack up and walk out.  I feel such responsibility for each and everyone of you.  I know the horrible sadness, anger and despair that you feel, I feel it every second, of every day!  I know that as time goes on for me, the anger, and the sadness will lessen, I've been here before (previous marriage).  The love, trust, and friendship I felt for my husband will never be the same, but maybe that's not such a bad thing.  I need to learn to love myself, I can't expect someone else to love me, when I don't love myself.  I'm hoping my feelings don't repeat what's happened in the past completely.  Before when the anger, hurt and sadness had dissipated, I was left with indifference.  I don't want that to happen in this marriage, I do believe there is something worth saving this time.  I may be kidding myself by believing this, and I know a lot of people will consider me a fool, and maybe I am, but if I throw in the towel and just walk away, no one wins, not my kids, not me, and not my husband.  I've heard alot of stories of mental and physical abuse, and for those experiencing that, I pray God gives you the strengh to do what you need to do, I'm sorry I couldn't do it for you.  Be safe in whatever decisions you make, and I love you all.
 
I am so amazed with all the stories I've received on this websight.  To all you wonderful women out there (and occasional man), I just want to say thank-you for telling me your stories.  I've read every one of them, and some have made me cry, and some have had me laughing hysterically!!!  I absolutely love every one of you, and am so grateful for the time you've taken out of your lives to write to me.  I will NEVER forget how I have been touched by all of the hurt that so many of you have endured, and the despair and hope that we all still carry with us.  Thank-you from the bottom of my heart, I love you all!!!!!
                                                                   
                                                                     Jennifer 
 

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Responding as to what’s holding me back.
 
Well, I'm putting myself out there, and trying to follow my dream. Easier said then done!  My dream was to own, or more realistically, to work on a horse or cattle ranch.  I'm searching for any and all jobs available in the ranching community.  So, please keep your fingers crossed, and send me all the positive energy you can muster, I can use it all!!! 
 

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Responding to my supporters in the Dr. Phil Community.
 
Well, believe it or not, life is starting to be fun again!  I'm putting myself out there, and learning to live again.  My dream has always been to own, or more realistically, to work on a horse or cattle ranch, and today I started putting my information out there, looking for anything in my area.  I'm FINALLY  tired of settling, and I'm looking for what I need within myself, instead of depending on a guy to fill that empty spot.  So, please keep your fingers crossed, I can use all the good thoughts you can send my way.  Thanks for all the encouragement, and understanding, you've all been extremely generous with your letters and/or blogs, they've given me the strengh to get up and get moving!!!!
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