I'm waiting for an email from Anthony, Dr Phils resource director.  Miki and I are leaving on Tuesday for our trip to Dr Lawlis's PNP Clinic.  Dr Phil has been so kind to send us down there.  I have wanted this for years and could not do it without him.  I am hoping there is something organic about her aggressive and severe self injurous behavior.  We were just cuddling on the couch for an hour.  At the usual  time I signed medication and she stood and walked over as complient as could be.  I gave her the meds, kissed her and told her to go up.  She did.  About 10 minutes later I hear a huge bang like she fell out of bed and she started shreaking.  I went upstairs and slowly peeked around the corner into her room to see her on the floor banging her chin on the wood floor.  She sees me, jumps back in bed and starts to sign "hurt".  She had started her perod today so I went down and got her Tylanol.  I tried to explain to her that her chin hurts because she banged it herself.  I can't watch her do this anymore.  It hurts too much.  She will be in the treatment center in about three weeks.  They better know how to deal with this.  It breaks my heart.
"Happy Happy Happy"
"In Limbo"
"New mood"
"In Limbo"
It was a perfect day at the beach. The water was low and calm, not good for riding waves, but great to keep my mermaid safe.

She woke up at 7 Sun morning and looked like she was about to start.  I called her to the computer and showed her a picture of the last time I took her surfing.  There's a Surfing w/ the Stars program where they teach kids w/ Auitsm how to surf.  We went to the supermarket and got a sub, she loves them and chips.  At the beach she paddled on a board and tried to get her balance standing.  Because of the two implant surgeries she has a hard time balancing.  We kayaked ate lunch and swam.  We then went home and to the pool.  She got a shower with me (she likes that and we then laid down for a nap.  She wldn't let me so we went out.  I put her on probation, went around the corner to our first stop to see if she wld tantrum ( I was alone and can't handle her in public if she goes off.) She did ok so we went further.  Went home to pick up the behavior assistant and went to the supermarket.  She was about to start.  When we got home she wanted to go swimming again.  She already spent 5 hrs doing that and it started to thunder, so I said no.  She went off.  This is harder than hard.  I thank all of the people here that have given me support and prayers.  I'm trying to ignore the nastygrams.  I  expected them, should be used to that since we've been getting evil eyes for years when she meltdowns in public.  I guess I'm overly sensitive.
Tonight she was great.  I picked her up from afterschool early for therapy.  The behavior assistant was with me.  She is having her own issues so she didn't make it Tues or Wed and her replacement didn't show. W e stopped at the supermarket for meatballs and Miki actually waited in the car with the BA.  That could have been a tantrum, I was in a hurry to get home to meet the Behavior Therapist and no trip to the supermarket with Miki is fast.  WE got home and she behaved so well (could be cauz I was making scetties w/ meatballs, one of her favorites)waiting for dinner.  She did a puzzle,  She is sooo good with puzzles.  Really whips through them.  So much for the IQ of 31the school told she had.  She reads, writes, and does arithmetic.  She helped me clean up after dinner.  She hands me things I place in the ref.  After dinner she went swimming with the BA and BT and I sat and read and wrote to the community.  She then had her bath, meds and we always end the evening in the den where she mellows out and we cuddle.  I count these days. 
We went to the pool when we got home.  She was swimming for about an hour when I heard the community lightening warning.  I got her out of the pool.  She tantrumed the half block home, lay on the parking lot pavement banging her head.  The behavior assistant is walking with her.  I keep moving because she is trying to aggress to me.  She gets home and we get her upstairs and in the bath.  She dresses in pj's and comes back down.  She keeps starting to tantrum as I cook.  The assistant takes her back up to her room.  She keeps coming down and putting her hands close to my face.  She has raked her neck, it's bleeding again.  She cries as she eats.  She keeps putting her hands in my face as I eat.   She keeps taking my hand trying to get me to sign c a r .  She has her harness on and wants to go in the car.  She has been in minor meltdown for over an hour and half.  I give her her night meds ahd send her up to bed.  She is upstairs having a tantrum.  I'm tired.
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