Well, it's been MONTHS since I've cut myself, thought my therapy was going well - and I guess some days are just too bad.  This was,  however, the deepest I've cut but the problem with this is that: I'm scheduled for an AICD REMOVAL the first week of March :-


This week I found out that the "contracted phychiatrist" that Alaskans have to use (in Southeast at least), I lost.  Our Native Health Center had disagreement of terms so his services are discontnued.  That pissed me off, I'd been seeing him for a year and a half and we were getting places and I was able to understand more and get that external view I needed, and now he's gone.  $%$$


So I"m nervous about my surgery and what to to next - If I had the $$$$ I'd use Dr on Demand, right!  LOL My cut is healing but itching like crazy. I could manage it better if it were a NEW TATTOO!!!
 
This was a couple weeks ago (the beginning of March). It is the FIRST time I have every resorted to "cutting" (like I did in my 20's) I had gone to a party - that's NOT what made me angry at myself. it was WHERE this party was held. It was late and I was just leaving the casino and my cousin called and asked me what I was doing. Told her i was just leaving the bingo hall. (
She said, let's go for a ride. so I went to pick her up. Well, we ended up at a house where my cousin had been spending her weekends (they have a weird marriage) She goes out to her "boyfriends house on the weekends while her husband stays home with their 3 boys. Anyway. this cousin and I used to party when her parents lived in Seattle...like a million years ago it seems.
It was a stupid thing to do because her "now boyfriend" is a guy I had seen ONCE after he moved back home from living in California. we ALMOST ended up having an affair (after partying) and I came to myself and got out. Never went back until about a week and half ago. My husband was ready to leave me and take our then 6 year old son with him. I made my choice - no more of that. But it was while i was coming down from my High, I kinda remember finding my razor and doing this to my arm, man it was sore the next day. It's been a week and a half and it seems to have gotten a little infected and I have to keep a constant wrap around it most of the time and clean it well and my husband puts the dressing on.
I'm pretty sure this is my turning point.
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