Okay so I decided to try to write a poem as a way to get out some hard feelings, I've never done this so bare with me....

"We went everywhere together, you were my friend.
How was I to know, what would happen in the end?

To think I liked you sickens me!!
But how can I hate - the only - person I see?

I wanted your attention.
And you wanted mine.
If I had only know this at the time.

I should have ran so far.
I should have fought more.
My innocence you took
My heart you tore.
And yes!
I was touched once before.

But you took it - much - farther...

Once you began you had no intentions on stopping...
That was clear.
I'm surprised I got out.
I'm shocked I'm still here..."
 
Hey so I guess I have a lot leading me to where I am at this point. My mom didn't want children and my dad was very young yet here I came. My mother was the type to always say I love you before hanging up the phone but never in person. She never hugged me or complimented me, it was rare if she sat beside me. Then my dad wanted to be a kid then he was a little over the top with punishment and I would have bruises on me sometimes. They both ignored me. There was a time I was happy, they were happy for a short few years then they divorced. Well in my life me and my best friend were molested by her dad but nobody believed us, when my parents split I went to live with my dad. My dads girlfriends nephew assaulted me different ways for a few months at least. Some is hard to remember and some is impossible to forget. After that my mom punished me for it and my dad didn't speak to me for 8 years. Approximately a year later someone I thought was a friend tried to rape me but my cousin came home and scared him off. I am grown now and have a relationship with my father however my mother won't speak to me. I am married and love my current life. I just want to get over the past. I have a great therapist it's just I can only see her once a month if I'm lucky because she is so busy and I feel I need more intense therapy because on top of this I suffer from schizoaffective disorder, it runs in my family unfortunately. I just wish I had better therapy. I'm in kinston NC if anyone knows any therapist near here. Thanks.
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