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All my life all I have wanted was to show my mom how good I was at whatever I would be doing at the time, for instance I would make her sit right in the front row for my dance recitals just so I knew she would be paying attention to me. On the other hand, when I rode horses I would want her to be right there so she could see how good I was. When I moved into my apartment, I wanted her to come over and help me hang up pictures just so she would approve of my new home. With both my son and my daughter, I would ask my mom, "Do you think I'm doing this right?" I don't care what my mom says about this, it's the way I truly feel, whenever it comes to me or my sister I always felt like I was on the back burner. When my sister and I were little we would fight and my mom would yell at me and say "Be nice to your sister, you're bigger than she is." I thought it might get better when we got older but damn was I wrong, I have watched my sister call my mom every name under the sun and then leave and about 2 hours later their laughing on the phone. My mother says that my sister's choices only affect her and mine affect the whole family. You would think that getting arrested for lying to the police and destroying evidence doesn't look so hot for my dad in his line of work. My mother is constantly taking up for my sister, I think it is because they are so much alike. When I bring this up to my mom she just diverts it and says well I've done such and such for you trying to justify herself because deep down I think she knows I am right.
 
My sister, Katherine, is two and half years younger than I am. We have always been pretty close, but over the past couple of years, I have noticed a huge change in my sister. My sister has always been very stubborn, loud, bold, brave, intelligent and both a leader and follower. She has either led the crowd or been one of the "Lemmings" followings along. In a way, I feel like my sister's recent activities and run-ins with the law are a cry for help. I fear my sister is in a destructive downward spiral and is having a hard time reaching out for help. I feel this way because she is doing some of the very same things I was when I was self-destructing and too ignorant to ask for help, for me it took losing my children to open my eyes to the stupid mistakes I was making. I know it's going to take some time and help for me to get everything in my life straightened out, but I was able to realize my issues and seek the help I needed to fix them. I hit my rock bottom and it was not pretty or fun. I just worry that that is what it might take for my sister to realize she needs help. Smoking pot might not be a big deal to some people but when it starts to affect your life; it's time for some help. Not only is marijuana the only issue but somehow my mother's prescription medication just shows up in my sister's possession. I'm not perfect by any means I just want the best for my sister and the stuff she's getting into right now is not a good path to choose. I wish I could go back and make some changes to the past so that my sister and I are as close as we used to be. I want to help her; she needs someone to help her. I am Katherine's big sister and will always be there to help her no matter what choices she makes or what things she may say, I love her.
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