Dr. Phil's Parental Legacy Exercise

Our parents have a powerful hold on us throughout our lives. Recognize how your parents and your childhood may be impacting you. Find out how your past could contaminate your future, and then you can make conscious decisions to behave differently. Envision your mother, then father, good or bad, happy or sad.

In the presence of your Mother:
Complete the sentence, "What I got from my mother I did not want..."

What I got from my mother I did not want was the sense of wanting to fix everyone. All my life I've been around people I feel like I have to fix, like I can change them into what I want them to be, and I know my mom is the very same way.

Complete the sentence, "What I resent about my mother..."
What I resent about my mother is I truly feel like she loved me second best to my sister. I've always felt like she favored my sister, I feel like no matter what my mom will always have my sister's back.

Complete the sentence, "What I love about my mother..."
What I love about my mother is that she has helped me take care of my children. The fact that my children matter to her makes me love my mother.

Complete the sentence, "How my relationship with my mother contaminated my marriage..."
How my relationship with my mother contaminated my marriage was because I felt like I had to be with Leilah's father because of Leilah, like my mother choosing to stay with my dad because of my sister and I, I felt like I had to do the same thing.

If your mother had one minute left in this life, what would you tell her?
If my mother had one minute left in this life, I would tell her "I love you mom, I tried to be everything you wanted me to be. I wish I could have made you proud of me, I wish that I could done things to make you say "that's my daughter." I wanted your love and approval so badly. I wish I was what you wanted.

In the presence of your Father:
Complete the sentence, "What I got from my father I did not want..."
What got from my father that I did not want was pride. I am very prideful and I suffer greatly from that, I would rather fail then ask for help.

Complete the sentence, "What I resent about my father..."
What I resent about my father was the way he said hurtful things when he got mad. He used his words like weapons and I think I suffered greatly from their blows as a child and as an adult.

Complete the sentence, "What I love about my father..."
What I love about my father is that no matter what I do, he still tells me he loves me. He and I may fight and say mean things to one another but at the end of the day, we can't stay mad at each other, it's like he understands me more than anybody, and I love him dearly for that.

Complete the sentence, "How my relationship with my father contaminated my marriage..."
How my relationship with my father contaminated my marriage was because I felt like my dad always hated Chris, like I never got his approval to grow up and be a "big girl" I always felt like daddy's little girl and no one would ever be able to take care of me like my daddy.

If your father had one minute left in this life what would you tell him?
If my father had one minute left in this life I would tell him, Daddy I love you, you have always been there for me, no matter what we argued about, I was still your little girl. You loved me when I was un-lovable and you helped me when I was un-helpable. I will always be your little girl and you will always be my protector and encourager, thank you so much for believing in me.
Replied By: ncnative on Feb 12, 2011, 7:33AM
                    You were fifteen when you got pregnant .  It was your Mom and Dad that stood by you .
You just need to relize that they are there for you .  Yours Mom isn`t helping you by being on your case evey time you enter her house, "BUT"  You go out and have two more babies ??  I would be upset with you to.  It is not their  place to raise your children while you sit around and do your drugs and get pregnant over and over,  with different men.  You need to take responsibility for your own children...  You need to get a job and  support those beautiful  children.  You brought them into this world, you do not need a man in your life to made you feel valued.
                    Your children are a gift from God,  Grow up  get help for your drugs, Quite blaming and making excuse`s....   You are the one that got pregnant three times and you are the mother of those children ...  You need to go see those children every day.   Your Mom and Dad arn`t going to be here always....  You need to thank God for your blessing.....   Please take Dr. Phils advice and get off the drugs.        
Replied By: dcfstinks on Feb 8, 2011, 6:31PM
I spent the last 5 hours of my dad's life holding his hand and telling him how much I loved him, but it was his time. I was the only one there with him even though I have a mother and two brothers.  I wish for one more minute  alot but I also know he is gone, and has been since 2001 but to me it was like yesterday. Our family took a hit it never really recovered fully from. I am finally talking to my brothers and mother again but with mom you can feel the tension.
Replied By: kqk1982 on Feb 7, 2011, 6:23PM - In reply to ribbonlady60
Well said on the " bad boy" thing and giving the " good guy" time. I had to do just that. It is like going through withdrawals because that bad boy makes a  fun toy but a lousy husband. It did take me awhile to get used to being treated so good. But 19 years later i am still thanking God.
Replied By: kqk1982 on Feb 7, 2011, 5:36PM
You are the female version of my 35 year old Son. He has three kids possibly four with different Mothers and he denies he does drugs but me coming from the late 60's early 70,s  he is in total denial like you are. Your Mom means well but i get that the constant interrogation's don't work; trust me; been there done that. My Son is currently in jail for non-child support. He has abused women physically and mentally, he learned that well from his Father. His Father was there for handing him money but not life tools. His Father always berated him with negative words like " you will never amount to Sh$% " and " your a dumb A** ".
The women i had asked all of them this question " why would you want to be with a man that lives with his Mother, is un-employed and abusive?   What totally freaked me out was they each got pregnant around the same time give or take a month or two. When  he lived here i would see one woman drop him off and then the next would pick him up. He currently doesn't have a license either. I don't get it.  When the marriage didn't work out with me and his Dad i found the man that i deserved that loves me and treats me how i want to be treated. I didn't have to chase him but i kept my eye on him. You really need this help before your kids are grown. Take it please before you take your children's Mom away forever.
Replied By: cecilialetz on May 17, 2010, 11:04PM
Your dad is a wimp and a cry baby...plain and simple.He showed how he cant handle you two dumb gitld Maybe after Erin gets her face lift she'll leave you bums.
Replied By: onedonda on Apr 14, 2010, 8:39PM
OMG First of all I have never done anything like this before thinking that no one would pay attention and that may b true but never have I been so compelled, I need to vent.  I have watched every episode of the Dr. Phil family and Alex till now I have always felt sorry 4 u and thought that people were 2 rough on u, believe me not any more. What in the hell r u thinking? If you loved ur kids so much then u would do what ever it took to get them back. MOVE TONY OUT u know that it would b ur best chance. You say that ur lawyer hasnt told u and he has, maybe in directly. U just choose to do what u want. Thats not what real Moms do. If u really love ur kids then you'd move tony out u know that it would b ur best chance. Men come and go as u know but ur kids will always b there dont b stupid and think of only ur self. Be the Mom I know u can b. There r so many women out there who would love to have a shot at motherhood and cant ur blowing it Alex DONT B SO SELFISH
Replied By: kat759 on Feb 27, 2010, 7:42AM
as a mother its your job to help and be there for your children
your children live a  sad life  they need some help they will not
take Dr. Phil's help they need you to help them by giving them
hard love  to them if they don't get the help things will get bad
for them Alex is dating a very bad man i can look at him and see that
some one needs to get her a way from him before she ends up dead
its not a joke lady open your eyes
Replied By: smattison on Feb 17, 2010, 6:04PM
You mom should care for your children afterall they are her grandchildren but she should not have to take care of your children.That's your job!!!!!
Replied By: starbarham5 on Feb 15, 2010, 4:20PM
Sooner or later your going to have to let go of your anger, and grow up. You don't even seem to be grateful for the attention and the help Dr Phil is offering you.  Obviously being a mother isn't your top priority, and that isn't something I can understand. If you had of been forced to take care of your own child  you may have grown up and dealt with the responsibility. My daughter got pregnant at the age of 15, she had my grandson at the age of 16, and let me tell you this, she has been a mother ever since. She left behind her needs when that beautiful child came into this world.. And as a grandmother it isn't ok to assume the role of mother to your children. I believe this whole "drama" with your family is getting really old, especially when there are so many people out there that would actually learn from what Dr Phil tells them, and would move on.....I think it's all about the publicity now!!  And I won't continue to watch it.
Replied By: charmed10x on Feb 15, 2010, 3:03PM
Hey Alex,  hang in there.  Your babies need you to be strong, and I can clearly see you are a strong spirited young lady. 

I was married at age 15....4 children by age 20...yep count them 4!!  so i have you beat there Alex...Divorced at age 21....and 2 more children by age 30 in a long term relationship for 17 years with the Dad of those 2 youngest.

You were right today Alex, people make it work every day.....I was one of them.   I totally feel for you Alex.   I so know what you're going thru, from your parents, your sister, from the men in your life, to your children.....I've been there, I've lived it, I've felt it, every single tear you cried today, and every day, I've cried the exact same tears for the exact same reasons., the sad tears as well as the happy tears.

But please, please, please Alex,  please let Dr Phil help you.  Because he is right too.  The odds are stacked against you. But you can do this.  You have so much more to offer, and it's been beaten down by life situations and opinions that aren't going to matter 20 years from now. (Dr  Phil is a pretty smart guy Alex....I know, he really ticks me off too sometimes, but he has your best interests at heart, just let him help you)  

You need to learn about you.....and all you have to offer those babies.  Of course those babies need their daddies, but they need you just as much if not more.  They need to see a mommy whose proud of who she is, and where's she's been, and where she's going in life.  

No matter what your choices have been over the past few years,  you can turn it around today Alex.  You are so strong to have been thru what you have, and to be able to keep on going.  Please put some of that strength toward finding out who you really are, and who you want to be 20 years from now, you will so much feel better about yourself and situation, and when you feel better about those things, your choices will come naturally to fit your goals in life. 

Having a man who loves you is important Alex, but the most critical thing I can tell you.....is that if he's not the right man, the end result will come, and as you have learned, the end result of a bad relationship, or even just a relationship that isn't right, is never fun, and never a good situation.  Everyone wants and needs to feel loved, and I hope you have that with Tony....but if you have even the slightest bit of hesitation Alex, put things on hold with that relationship, and put your energy into finding yourself.  I know, that's easier said then done.......

I could almost walk you thru your life for the next 20 years, by the hand on what choices to make and what choices to not make.....but if there is one thing I can tell you that will make the biggest difference in your and your childrens' lives, it's to dig deep down inside yourself and really discover who you are, and what your really searching for in life.  That's what will bring you the security, the happiness, and more power and strength then you could ever imagine.  And if this relationship that you're in now is right....and meant to last, it will survive the journey Alex. 

Just put yourself and those babies before anything, and before anyone else, and you will make the right chocies for yourself.  Good Luck  Alex, and take care. 

p.s. a little FYI Alex....your mother loves you....but she's not fooling anyone....I can see the little spiteful attitude she has, I can see the little grind of hype her and your sister get from you making another mistake.....and it's because it keeps the attention off them Alex.....then Dr Phil and the rest of Amercia keep the attention on you, and not their sick problems.  Well guess what Alex....your little situation here in life, is so much easier to fix because all you have to do is reach deep down inside yourself and figure out who  you are and where you want to go in life......Your mother and sister on the other, it's going to take a 3 shrinks, 19 medications and a whole lot of "couch" time for them to be "fixed".  So just keep on keepin on Alex....you're the one who is A-ok.....you need no approval from any of them.
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