Seeing Alexandra visit her kids for the first time in over 18 months was truly a blessing. The time went by really fast. The visit seemed hard for Alexandra at times because the kids were so happy to see their mommy, I think Alexandra got a little overwhemled.

I think the visit went well and Alexandra got a little taste of what raising three children can be. Over all, I think everything went well and I walked away with a lot of questions answers, not always what I wanted to hear, but what I needed to hear in regards to Alexandra, a recovering addict, and the struggles she deals with in everyday life.
I am so proud of Alexandra for making it 144 days sober. When I speak to Alexandra it is like I am talking to a new and refreshing young adult that is getting her life in order.

Seeing Alexandra for the first time in nearly two months was a great feeling. Alexandra was so sharp and crisp in her responses to questions asked of her. She seems like she's heading in the right direction.

A few weeks ago, I had some concerns about Alexandra's behavior, after talking with Dr. Phil and the people from Origins Recovery Center, they cleared up many concerns I had about Alexandra's choices and her thinking.

Dr. Phil always seems to have the right answers for me when I'm struggling. I thought first there were times in the show Dr. Phil was a bit harsh with my wife, but after listening to what he said about addicts and addiction it all made sense because Erin and I were taking the wrong approach with Alexandra. We were still enabling our daughter, by trying to be her counselors and we found out real quick we were doing more harm than good as parents.

Sometimes I can't always see the damage I've done to my loved ones while I was trying to fix their problems, because their problems superceded my own issues. Working with an addict is an overwhelming task, not meant for people like myself, completely untrained in this area.
I am very happy Alexandra has made it into Transitional living; it also makes me nervous in the same sense because it gives her more freedom. It is hard and scary for me to forget the old Alexandra that we all knew, to just turn that switch off and think she is all OK now is still difficult for me to swallow.

There are times I think she is going to go to her old ways. I know in my mind she isn't, but the thought is still there. I guess, just like Alexandra, I have to believe in the Higher Power, just be positive and take one day at a time, just like she does.

Erin and I gave Alexandra a cell phone to her for her birthday and that also makes me anxious. She has assured me that she'll use the phone in positive ways and not contact old friends. I am still worried, but I am going to have to trust Alexandra and in her decisions. As a father, I am scared because I have no control over what Alexandra does with her phone.

Another thing that makes me extremely uneasy and very fearful is the day she meets a boy and gets involved again in a relationship. I want Alexandra to meet Mr. Right and be totally perfect, smart, successful, and nice, who loves Alexandra for who she is. I will struggle with her getting involved in a relationship because of all the idiotic, foolish and reckless boys she has been with or around her young, short life.

Alexandra has done so well, up to now, not needing a man in her life and that is good for her. I've told her she doesn't need a man right now and that seems to be working for her. The only thing Alexandra needs to focus on is herself, to finish college, get a good job and of course, care for her children. The right man will eventually find Alexandra and I think Alexandra agrees with me. Relationships are hard enough to work on without other issues and Alexandra doesn't need the extra stress that comes being involved in a serious relationship. I think Alexandra is on the right path.
I am so proud of my daughter, Alexandra,  for making it through treatment. Alexandra has been at Origins for 120 days. I was so emotionally drained getting her ino treatmet and getting her to stay at Origins, there were many sleepless nights of fear knowing she would or could walk out at any time. But, she made it through the rehab part and I am so proud of her.

My issue right now is Katherine not being more involved and supportive of her sister that really makes me feel sad and disappointed in Katherine. But, I'm sure she'll come around.

Growing up, Alexandra was a very independent girl; she had jobs after school and was accountable, until she went to high school. That's when she started to change. I guess she found out about boys and that is when things began heading south.

As a father, I didn't do well with Alexandra's dating and never addressed the boys or her virtue. As a result, I guess Alexandra thought it was OK for her to carry on as she did. I accept responsibility for not talking with my daughter and explaining how boys think.

It is hard for me to let down my guard and fully trust Alexandra when she does eventually have a social life and gets around boys again. Alexandra assures me that she will be OK, so I have to believe my daughter.

Alexandra has completed rehab and is on the road to becoming the new Alexandra we all wanted. She is becoming the person I knew she would become, as she got older. I can see positive thngs to come for my daughter.
As I have gotten older, I have been thinking back on how I could have changed my way of raising my children:
I would have been more involved in their school projects, activities. I would have known what kind of kids they were hanging out with. I would have been more involved their everyday life. I was the male role model they would base their future love interests on. I would talk them more about how men think about women. I would have been more loving and understanding, not so tough. I would have been softer with my daughters. I would have not given them everything they always wanted, I would have required more from them, like doing chores. Not spoiling. I never had very much in life and I wanted them to have everything I did not have. I would have not argued with my wife in front of the children. I would have spent more time on a one-on-one basis.
It breaks my heart to say my little girl has fallen to wayside with some undesirable people. Over the past year, Alexandra has made some very bad life decisions regarding her family, her children and especially herself.

As of right now, the little girl I raised and loved no longer exists. She did even not call me on Father's Day, which is not really a big issue. But, the daughter I once had would have been first in line to give me card, a big kiss and hug, or even a call if she could not be with me on Father's Day. My feelings are more sad than hurt.

Moving on to bigger issues, On July 5th, Alexandra gave birth to beautiful baby boy, Anthony Michael. I found out she had been doing drugs -- hard drugs -- throughout her entire pregnancy. The baby has to go through some terrible withdraws.

Erin was totally right about Alexandra's drug addiction, the road she is on and the undesirables she has been running around with for the last 18 months. On July 23rd, I learned Anthony Michael was in a special pediatric care hospital fighting for his life. A result of his drug addicted parents.

Now the baby is safe, with his loving family, Mimi (Erin), Grampy (me), brother Nathan and sister Leilah. I hope in my heart that Alexandra pulls herself together to climb out of this very dark hole she allowed herself to fall into. She knows her mother and I will always have a room in our home and hearts she can come back to. Her true family will forgive her and love her to the ends of the earth.

Raising Three Grandchildren
Some people go through life never having grandchildren; Erin and I have been blessed with three beautiful, wonderful, intelligent grandchildren. We could never give up these children to any one. It infuriates me and disappoints me how Alexandra, during this last pregnancy, could inflict her body with terrible drugs and who knows what else. Young Anthony Michael is an innocent, beautiful, young little baby boy who is now surrounded by the loving caring family atmosphere that he desperately needs.

I was kind of doubtful and scared at the same time about what Michael would be like; how the drugs would affect his being. Once I saw little Michael, I knew that God had put him on this earth for a very special reason. Whether he has challenges or is completely without any, he is truly a blessing to us and our family. His precious being is a wonderful and great effect on our family.

In regards to Nathan and Leilah, I cannot for the life of me figure our how a mother cannot come by, call, collect even, or not communicate with her children. I can understand if she wants to disconnect with Erin and I; but on God's green earth I cannot get my head around her complete lack of maternal instinct.

My own mother, bless her heart, managed to keep ALL her children together as a single parent for many many years. In my heart as a parent myself, how anyone can go through life and not want to be with their children is painful.

Knowing all this, I am sure Leilah and Nathan are probably wondering if it is something they have done to drive away their mother. If Alexandra continues to act in this manner -- staying addicted and losing her children -- she will be the one who suffers. When her children are grown and want nothing to do with her, Alexandra will feel a terrible loss. In my heart I hope Alexandra gets this CLEAR!
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