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2009 Shows

 
What would you do if someone said you no longer had the right to see your child? Dr. Phil’s guests say they feel helpless and hopeless because they've been shut out of their children's lives and are facing lengthy court battles to get their kids back. Carla says she placed her daughter for what she thought was going to be an open adoption. It’s been six years, and she says the adoptive parents reneged on their promise and won't let her communicate with the child. Legal analyst Lisa Bloom and an adoption attorney weigh in on the case. Then, John says he was looking forward to raising his baby with his childhood girlfriend, but when he got to the hospital to visit his daughter, he never got to meet her … and nine months later still hasn't. Learn about the law that allowed his daughter to be adopted without his consent. And, a woman paid more than $20,000 and was given an ultrasound of the baby she was supposed to adopt, but she says she never received the child. Find out how not to get scammed and the precautions to put in place when adopting a child. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.
Comments
Replied By: lynn_12 on Feb 23, 2010, 5:09PM - In reply to mspacorona
Would you want to adopt in a climate where there always remains a chance that your child will be taken away after months or even years??
I adopted a child at birth only to have the birth mother contest the adoption (falsely) by so many lies.  After repeated court appearances my case is still not finalized.  I literally spent years not knowing if I would lose my child. And I still have no closure. The prolonged fear and pain are indescribable. And the fact that this is allowed - and allowed to continue - is exactly why overseas adoptions are the best answer.
BTW - years after the last court case the birth mother said to me, "You didn't really think I wanted to take him back did you?"         WHAT?  After she had filed to have him placed in foster care b/c she was unable to care for him.  And to this day she will not let the court case go.  But she HAD her opportunity to parent and refused.    She is mentally unstable and continues to harass me  to this day.  Unbelievable and very sad.  MY story is why people do not want to adopt in the U.S.
 
Replied By: meandmy7bratz on Dec 18, 2009, 10:45AM - In reply to china2mom
The birth mom on this show should stay home and take care of the 2 girls she has instead of damaging all 3 girls with her crap. She gave her child up for adoption and the adoptive parents are probably protecting THEIR daughter by limiting this woman's access to her. She seems pretty unstable. This show highlights all the reasons we chose to adopt our children internationally.

This is just rude. She should stay home and take care of her 2 daughters and forget about the 3rd huh? Forget about the child she gave up for adoption to a couple who was desperatly wanted a child, I think NOT. She was promised things and they are not following through with it as is what is happening to me. Just because I think about my son everyday does that make me unstable and not able to care for our 6 other children, NO it does not! We gave the ultimate gift (as my sons adoptive mother says) and they can turn around and s*** on ya for no good reason at all. Another reason why they cut off contact  other than the adoptive parents simply not liking me is that they are afraid of the adoptive childs siblings saying to him "you're our brother". First of all they should of had thought about this before adopting and second NEVER has that been said nor would it ever be. So we will now fight for what was promised, NOT fight to take the lil guy back...again I do not agree with her on trying to take her daughter back, thats just cruel!
 
Replied By: meandmy7bratz on Dec 18, 2009, 10:32AM - In reply to china2mom
There is always two sides to every story, sometimes you only hear one side because the other party has no explanation as to why they are keeping the child from her. I know from experience, the adoptive parents do not know how to explain to anyone that "oh we will allow the siblings and boilogical dad to visit but not the birthmom because we just don't like her anymore"...never have they been able to explain why they are doing this to our family...reason being they don't even know. Some people just don't care about others and it is those who don't deserve to be a parent!!!!!
 
Replied By: china2mom on Dec 18, 2009, 5:51AM - In reply to pcoster
I think they know the birthmom is unstable and are protecting their daughter. We don't have the information from this piece that shows what kind of damage her visits cause.
 
Replied By: china2mom on Dec 18, 2009, 5:48AM
The birth mom on this show should stay home and take care of the 2 girls she has instead of damaging all 3 girls with her crap. She gave her child up for adoption and the adoptive parents are probably protecting THEIR daughter by limiting this woman's access to her. She seems pretty unstable. This show highlights all the reasons we chose to adopt our children internationally.
 
Replied By: meandmy7bratz on Dec 18, 2009, 3:50AM
I just sat and had my morning coffee reading the 112 comments in regards to Dr Phils adoption show, some posts made me angry, others saddened me. I watch Dr Phil once in awhile and on this day I recieved a phone call telling me...You need to watch this show, it sounds like what you're going through. I turned the TV on, got through the first part of the show and couldn't watch any longer (about the mother wanting her daughter back). My story is a long one and it may be a long post but yet I feel as if I should explain why I say UGH to Adoption!!
Let me first state, I married and we had our first child when I was 15, we raised that child and she is now 16 yrs old NEVER did I for one minute consider not wanting her as I NEVER considered that for any of our 6 children at the time of this "shady adoption".Here is some of my story and just know that at this time there is no contact at all, I have fought in Family Court for sibling visitation for almost 2 yrs and in April of 2009 the adoptive father and my husband once again made an agreement, and once again not followed through with. Also my son is being raised not by the adoptive parents but his grandparents...the adoptive parents are now getting a divorce!

SURROGATE’S COURT OF THE STATE OF NEW YORK
COUNTY OF DELAWARE

In the Matter of the Adoption of
A Child Whose First Name is J

Affidavit in Support of Petition filed by Special District Attorney


NANCY B, residing at . ..., New York, being duly sworn, deposes and says:

My husband Scott B and I were married on September 5, 1992.

We are the natural parents of 7 children; to wit: A L. B, DOB 1/21/93; S J. B, Jr, DOB 3/10/95; B L. B, DOB 9/16/98; J J. B, DOB 5/2/00; Ar D. B, DOB 8/31/01; J J. B, DOB 6/18/04; and K D. B, DOB 2/9/07.

We have had full custody of all of our children from their births until the present with the exception of my youngest son (hereinafter referred to as J)., who was adopted by my husband’s brother and his wife (J and B B) in the Delaware County Surrogate’s Court on or about November, 2005.

On June 24, 2005 an eviction notice was served upon my husband Scott B and me to vacate our home within 72 hours.

The 24th fell on a Friday so we had an extra two days to find a place to stay and store our belongings.

We made arrangements to reside temporarily with our children at the home of my mother and store pur belongings in J's garage.

On the very day we were homeless we went to J's to get some needed items, I waited in the car while my husband Scott went to the garage to get some of our belongings in J's garage. J then followed Scott to the garage.

About 20 minutes after Scott returned to the vehicle, I knew something was wrong with him as he wouldn't say much.

Scott did tell me on the way to my mom’s that J offered to let us sleep in his garage that night because it was raining. I guess Jon wasn't aware of the fact that we had beds to sleep in at my mother’s house and he thought we were going to live in a tent.

Scott was very quiet on the way to my mother’s and throughout the night as well. I Still I had no idea of what was going on, and, after confronting Scott several times, he told  me that while he and J were in the garage J had asked him if he could have Jonny.

I flipped out stating that Jonny is my son, J never wanted kids, why would he want one of mine he hates me and he doesn't even know Jonny.

I told Scott no--it isn't going to happen and Scott agreed and subsequently told J that it was not something we would do, and we thought that would be the end of it.

W had to go back to J's house frequently to retrieve the things we needed and every time we went there J would corner Scott and ask him if he would think about it (meaning giving him Jonny).

J would not accept no for an answer and kept bringing it up to Scott.

J never once came directly to me to ask for my son, he did everything through Scott.

I told several people about J asking for our son and how I refused to let him go but J kept insisting that he would be better off with him.

So with J pressuring Scott (you will see in Scott's statement) and telling him that Jonny would always be in our lives and that we could see him whenever we wanted-I think J had Scott convinced it would be a great thing to do. Scott was then trying to convince me and J also got in touch with his sister.

J and my husband’s sister Ann then started telling me what a great a thing it would be; she was telling me the same things that were now coming from Scott.

From June 29, 2005 until July 12, 2005 there wasn't a day that went by that there wasn't some sort of pressure coming from J onto Scott and then from Scott onto myself to give Jonny to J and his wife B.

J repeatedly promised Scott, our two oldest children and myself that if we allowed them to adopt Jonny, he would always make sure that Jonny would be a part of our lives, that we could see him whenever we wanted, and that we would share family birthdays and vacations with him for all time, and that Jonny’s siblings would always be able to see him.

J also made us feel as if we were not treating Jonny right and he could do better because he had money.

He told us we needed to think of the other kids.

On July 12, 2005 succumbing to pressure from Jon, we dropped Jonny off to J and B's house, when we left him there J said "we will try it out and see what happens.”

Somewhere near the end of July J called us to ask if we would sign a paper in front of the notary for temporary custody so that B could get insurance on Jonny, and we signed this one page document, but J did not give us a copy of it and to this day I don't know what was put into the paper we signed.

J later told us that “the judge dismissed the matter because a home inspection had to be done first” (before the Court would award custody to another person).

In August I found a rental home in the city of Binghamton, it was $550.00 a month plus security deposit, for a total of $1,100.00.

J offered to help and when the time came to pay the landlord, we waited in our car while J went into the bank, supposedly to get the $1,100.00.

When J came out of the bank, he handed Scott an envelope and said, "here’s twenty-two hundred”.

I did not ask for anything, I guess this was Scott's new start on life.

Within a week of our establishing residency in Binghamton we received a letter from J's attorney in regard to us having to sign a consent form in front of a notary public.

The letter that we received stated that if we did not sign the consent within a certain amount of time our parental rights would be terminated not only to Jonny but to our other 5 children as well.

Scott immediately called J and asked if we should get an attorney to represent us, and J told Scott that attorneys were expensive and he would see that his attorney worked for us as well. J also told Scott that the letter that we had received was just the attorney's way of wording things. J said that they would never terminate our parental rights

The petition that we needed to have notarized was an Extra Judicial Consent for private placement and to relinquish our rights, but J said the petition was merely to start the proceeding.

As I looked over the form and the letter from the attorney, I said to Scott that we have to sign it or we will be in danger of losing the other kids. I told my husband that we would get a court appointed attorney when we went to court as the petition stated we may be eligible for one.

Our plan was that when we went to court we would ask for an attorney and we would have all the promises that J made written up in a post adoption agreement.

We never appeared in court nor knew of any proceedings that were to be held, we did not know of any court action until J and his wife came to our house the day the adoption was finalized in November, 2005.

I did not understand why we never received anything in regards to our son until January of 2008, at which time I was then told that by the Extra Judicial Consent that I signed I had waived my right to appear in court.

That is not what I was told it was for back when I signed it, we trusted J and everything he had told us to be true.

For the first 3 months that Johnny was in the care of J and B we saw him at least twice a week when J would stop by our house whenever he was in the Binghamton area.

Before the finalization J would bring Jonathon to our house several times to visit, starting in December of 2005 J no longer ever stopped by our home but we could go see Jonny anytime we wanted to in which we did often. We have spent holidays and Jonny's birthdays together up until Christmas 2007, we have taken trips to Knoebles, Disney World, Hershey Park, many BBq's at Js home, dinners with J and B and have spent alot of time with Jonny while my husband Scott would work on J's vehicles. At least once or twice a week Scott made it a point to see Jonny at J's home and he would often take one or all of our children with him.

Once the adoption was finalized J then acted as if we didn't exist and if we wanted to see our son we had to go to his house to see him in which we did on several occasions. J and B have not followed through on the promises they made as we have not been able to see Johnny since December 27, 2007. 

Recently when I tried to contact J and B  by certified letter to discuss possible visitation with Jonathon, B filed an Aggravated Harassment charge against me, which was later dismissed in the Town Justice Court. 

We never met nor spoke to the attorney that was working for us, because in fact he was not” working for us” at all and I have since found out that the same attorney cannot work for the adoptive parents and biological parents as well in most cases. (Certainly not without meeting with the biological parents at least one time,

Apparently we waived our right to appear in court without knowing that we did, we were not able to get a post adoption agreement that should have been done, and everything J promised Scott, myself and our two oldest kids has not come to fruition.

I believe that J took undue advantage of us and he knew how to do so as he has stated many times that his law enforcement and DSS background give him power over other people.

J and B took advantage of our financial stress as well as our weakness at the time. They waited until my son was one and we were homeless to get what he wanted, he was never a part of my son's life before July, 2005.

I do not know if J and B told the Court about the promises he made to us to get us to agree to the adoption or if he pretended that Johnny was surrendered and allowed to be adopted without condition.

I do know that I would NEVER have either surrendered my son or consented to any adoption without J and B’s continuous promises of our continued involvement in Jonny’s life.

I am making this affidavit based upon my own personal knowledge and, upon information and belief.

WHEREFORE, I respectfully pray that the Court grant the herein Petition to Unseal the Sealed Adoption records of my nephew and allow the Special Prosecutor full access of same for the purpose of determining whether J and B Bowie misrepresented the facts of the case to the Court or whether they are in violation of any promises made to the Court at the time of the adoption.

Dated:  October 27, 2008                                                  


_______________      


Sworn to before me this
_____day of October, 2008


Notary Public
 
Replied By: eyrshangel on Dec 16, 2009, 2:57PM - In reply to janedaza
 
I am a mother, who adopted 2 children from birth. From the moment each of my sons was placed into my arms, each baby was my child. Both of my children knew they were adopted, and my husband and I always provided age-appropriate information concerning their adoptions. Trust me when I say that being an adoptive parent requires very little cowardice and a ton of courage!!

My sons are now grown and both have been reunited with their birth parents. One of my sons handled the situations respectfully and appropriately...his birth parents found him. The other son's wife found his birth parents...pretty much because she wanted to hurt me. I was left out of that process and, to this day, I have not met the birth parents of my older son. Interestingly, I don't remember seeing a crowd around when I was rearing my adopted children by myself after my husband left. The real courage lies in how the adoptive parent is treated when his/her grown child want to seek out his/her birth parents. The problem is not in finding birth parents, but the manner in which it is done.

Below is a portion of a reading entitled "The Legacy of An Adopted Child." I gave the entire reading beautifully framed to each of my sons when they were young adults. The words were written by someone else but truly spoke the feelings in my heart:

Once there were two women,
Who barely knew each other.
One is in your heart forever,
The other you’ll call mother...

One gave you a family,
It was what God intended for her to do.
The other prayed for a child,
And God led her straight to you.
And now you ask me
Through your tears,
The age old question through the years.
Heredity or environment…
Which are you a product of?
Neither, my darling… neither,
Just two different kinds of love
 
Replied By: forlinis on Dec 16, 2009, 2:33AM - In reply to susan22
John may have said he wanted to marry the birth mother, but maybe she didn't want to marry him.  And maybe there were reasons.  Maybe he's even got some problems that 4 minutes on the Dr. Phil show didn't make apparent.

The birth mother was living in a college dorm room.  So when the birth mom was in her 8th or 9th month, why in the world would John claim 1.) the birth mom would marry him soon and 2.) the birth mom would keep the child?  It's kind of hard to raise a baby in a dorm room.
 
Replied By: forlinis on Dec 15, 2009, 12:47PM - In reply to sanjuangal
Lisa Bloom was so mistaken.  She generally is.  She doesn't know the law.  She made it sound like John has to file papers in court in a timely manner after the birth and that John was wronged.  John was not wronged.  Most states have a Putative Fathers Registry ~ John simply chose not to put his name on it before the birth.  If he had, then the adoption agency would've needed his Consent before the adoption. 

John decided later on that he wanted to be a single parent.  He's going to ruin so many lives, including his girlfriend's and the adoptive parents who all did everything properly and legally.  John never told anyone in writing that he was the father ~ that's how ya do it!  If they had been married, then he would've been the presumptive father and his consent needed before any adoption.

Who says John was the father?  Who knows?
 
Replied By: forlinis on Dec 15, 2009, 12:39PM - In reply to alternator67
I agree John was lying about his undying love with his ex-girlfriend, otherwise they would've married or lived together by the time she was pregnant.  I mean, John said they'd been together since high school, and she was living in a college dorm.  John was not honest that he was blindsided and had no idea she was secretly arranging adoption.  How was she supposed to take care of a baby in her college dorm room?  That kinda thing puts a crimp in studying and writing college papers.

John was full of hot air.  Most states have a putative fathers registry and all John had to do was sign it.  John did not (otherwise there's no way any adoption agency would've approached the girlfriend without John's consent.)  John regretted giving up his daughter and now wants everyone's sympathy and money (asks for donations on his website).  Well, too bad, so sad.  The rest of us try to care for our kids and don't get donations or get to change our minds months after an innocent adoptive couple have bonded with the baby.  John should apologize and get on with his life.
 
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