You have contradicted yourself as you stated that "you would do anything" to put bread on the table.  So why admonish Debbie for working as a waitress?  If you took the time to read the show transcript, it was mentioned Debbie returned to the medical field.  Time limits of the show and of course what "spin" the producers wished to place on this particular segment failed to mention that Debbie has a graduate degree and worked in the medical field during the course of her marriage.  She too was laid off, but a friend offered her a position as a waitress in his upscale restaurant where tips from private parties and the business crowd were quite good.  The day after she was laid off, she accept the friends generous offer of helping in the restaurant.  Actually, this paid off as several physicians frequent this restaurant and knew Debbie.  If she hadn't been at the restaurant, the networking opportunity which landed her a job would have been missed/
Yes, as a friend of this couple, I can attest to the fact that Debbie enjoyed a wonderful life, but she always contributed financially.  It is hard to be motivated, willing to do anything EVEN working as a waitress and find your spouse doesn't have the "I'll take any job mentality"

This subject really gets me heated up because I can't believe how many people are so lazy and sponge of other people. I have cerebal palsy, but I still went out and got a part-time job for after school when I was fifteen and after I finished grade twelve I had to pay board until I moved out of home plus I had to pay for my tertiary studies. Even though I have a disablity I work my butt off trying to get as many hours of work that I can (even when I get tired) so that one day my husband and I can put a permanent roof over our childrens heads.

So get off your backsides people and start pulling your weight. You are so lucky to have parents that are trying to help you out, so you have no excuse. Start contributing.

I can definately relate to this topic. Because it is very hard to be in same household and live with someone that is extremely lazy. My husband is one of the laziest people that I have came across in my life , he sits at home all day and plays his games , he is not motivated at all to find a job because he feels that he is getting unemployment so why should he . I have tried to explain to him that unemployment can stop he has already have had 2 extenstions , but yet still he refuses to and get a job . To add insult to injure he sleeps basically all day if I let him and does not do as much as he could with our children .

I have never known someone that is so unmotivated and it is rubbing off on myself and his wife , some days I wake up and I am so drained from being drained , My days are filled of resentment, frustion and anger towards him because he is not picking up the slack that he is should be doing at my husband . So it gets very frustating and upsetting because I WANT him to be the guy that I married and alot of the times because of his laziness I am contemplating on DIVORCE because this is not the first time and I feel that he take advantage of the situtation .

My husband has been on unemployment  benefits going on two years come 01/01/2010. Congress has just passed another extension. He  waits for his unemployment check to come in the mail. He doesn't go to look for a job at all. Last April I told I if he didn't start looking for a job he had to go. I gave him a move out date and he moved in with his sister. Now she can enable him along with the state.  Sometime I have these feeling and questions, did I make the right choice telling him he had to go? I remarried after 18 years and married this  handsome man and he was working at this job for 3 years. I have worked all my life. Now I feel that I just got taken by a narcissus.  We been married for three years and two years of this anxiety for him to just apply for a job. It would be different if he apply and didn't get the job or maybe not. ???     
Seeing your show today Dr. Phil made me feel that I'm not alone.  Thanks.

The min pin/beagle mix, we also have one, I have never seen another one, so I was excited to see yours.  Ours is very loving to the family and our Doberman, but he doesn't like anyone else or any other dogs.  Would you mind letting me know where you got yours, we really would like to get another one.  I am having a hard time logging in and posting comments on this website,  if you are having the problem please contact me at rileylover1976@yahoo.com

Which of the three dogs were you talking about?  The smallest is a toy rat terrier, one is a dachsund and the third is a miniature pinscher/beagle mix. 

My husband and I have been through what this couple has only not on such a grand style.  My husband found himself unemployed in 2002, we filed bankruptcy in 2003 but kept our home.  I worked full time at a local hospital as an administrative assistant and did not make enough to pay all our expenses.  When I came home from work, I would find him on the computer job searching the internet or in bed. STEP ONE: He was clinically depressed and we both received treatment.  STEP TWO: He still could not find a job and finally was unable to even look.  I pushed him and he took a job at our local McDonalds.  He has a bachelors degree in business and had been very successful in sales & marketing.  He realized he did not want to get a job in his area of experience as it was too stressful and he had lost the passion to do it.  STEP THREE:  In, 2006, he applied for a job at the hospital where I worked and got a job in patient registration.  He had a great manager, great co-workers and he began to be more hopeful.  In 2007, he transferred from patient registration department to a new one and helped his manager get the department up and running and they are now rated as one of the best departments for customer service & customer satisfaction.  STEP FOUR: In August, 2009, he began an online Master's degree program through the University of Illinois-Chicago in Patient Safety Leadership.  He was afraid at first to be trying to learn at this level of knowledge but he has stayed the course and received an A in his first class. 
We have been married for 36 years, have raised two wonderful boys, and have managed to stay together when I know there were times when we both wanted to quit.  He was embarrassed when his adult boys called him to congratulate & support him when he got the job at McDonalds.  But it was a start to re-build and re-invent himself yet again.  I am so proud and supportive of him.  We have hope and plans to improve ourselves financially in the years ahead.  I hope the couple today will survive this stressful and emotional time.

I wanted to offer a slightly different perspective on Debbie and Paul's situation. From the vantage point of my living room, I saw a woman who enjoyed (exploited?) Paul, his abilities, work ethic, and income, and suffered no issue when HE was working 12 and 16-hour days to support their lifestyle. Apparently she has very few marketable skils of her own (the best job she can get is waitressing?) and was happy to leave all that messy "earning a living" stuff to her husband. When he is laid off, THEN becomes ill (no doubt in part weakened by the long hours and stress of his job), the poor guy can't even get a few years off to recover? When the tables are turned and she works a 16 hour day, all of the sudden he's LAZY?

Dr. Phil, give the man a break. I have had a very similar experience (minus the prostate cancer!) and I KNOW it's terribly difficult to get a decent job, let alone one that is equivalent to the one that was lost. I HAVE tried to get menial jobs to put food on the table - I do not get hired because I am "too well educated". There is a certain logic in this because it's true- I won't be happy at the job beyond my first paycheque, and am very likely to change jobs when a better opportunity arises. I have tried to get mid-level jobs too; again, though I am willing to work at ANYTHING, prospective employers think I lack a "commitment to the job" because I can't lie and say that this is my "dream job" and I want to work here forever (which is only in fairy tales, as far as I know). And yes, depression plays a huge role in all of this, as well as a *huge* loss of face, loss of identity, loss of trust.

I get that one must do anything they can to put bread on the table. And failing that, doing whatever one can to add value to the family. It just makes you feel better to contribute. Volunteer work is a great way to get back to work - my brother, an accountant, did people's taxes for free when he was out of work. A funny thing is, the more you do, the more you feel you can do, and so eventually you are led back to work by your actions. But please, give the man a break, and to the wife I say "QUID PRO QUO!!!!"

Since my retirement as a Registered Nurse who spent a large amount of her career in Oncology, I have been a devout fan of the show.  Dr. Phil, I can't remember a time that I was so emphatically disappointed with any of your advice, until now.


Although I have enjoyed a long standing relationship with this couple, I am sure Dr. Phil that you will agree my comments here today are in no way biased.  Let me first preface the advice you gave Paul was sound HOWEVER, I truly believe this is the first time I can remember you to have missed the most important aspect of Paul's inability to find work.


DEPRESSION!


Besides being laid off twice since 2004, Paul received the unfortunate diagnosis of prostate cancer at quite a young age.  Although he is currently cancer free, what was not mentioned during the show was that he unfortunately was left with resultant permanent complications which could lead to low self esteem and depression on a grand scale.

For readers who are not aware, the main side effects which may occur with radical prostatectomy are incontinence, the inability to hold urine inside the bladder voluntarily or prevent it's leakage and erectile dysfunction, the inability to achieve or maintain an erection adequate for sexual intercourse. In the hands of a skilled surgeon, nerve-sparing surgery significantly increases the likelihood that impotence and incontinence will be only temporary.  Unfortunately, this was not the case for this patient.


I believe you did your viewers a huge injustice, but most of all Dr. Phil why kick a dog why he is already down?    I am sure it is difficult to cram all the detail history of your guests  in the course of a one hour show, but Dr. Phil--- how the hell did you miss the opportunity to educate your viewers and really help Paul?



Cancer pushes lots of difficult buttons. It lays bare a man's basic vulnerability and underlines the uncertainty of this life. Prostate cancer attacks our culture’s ideal of manhood. The steely-eyed Marlboro Man isn’t expected to worry about incontinence and erectile dysfunction.



It is undoubtedly apparent Paul has been ambushed by depression.  After his initial diagnosis, treatment and waiting to be sure that he was cancer free, it’s almost as if, finally and unexpectedly, Paul's psyche heaved a sigh and gave itself permission to implode.


Paul is not alone in this cancer-caused depression. As many as 25 percent of cancer patients develop depression, according to the American Cancer Society. That’s contrasted with about 7 percent of the general population.



Even though Paul hasn't required  had any treatment for the cancer for two years,, and all of his physical signposts of health are pointing in the right direction.


Paul is  still depressed!


As if fighting cancer wasn't hard enough, a new Dutch study concludes that one in three people who survive the ordeal won't be able to find a job.  Results of the study were published the Journal of the American Medical Association.



Advances in cancer treatment mean that the number of people who survive a cancer diagnosis is on the rise, according to the study. And, nearly half of those who survive cancer are under age 65. However, many who survive cancer are left with physical, emotional and social problems. Such problems may include fatigue, pain, cognitive deficits, anxiety and depression.


So, Dr. Phil this is my two cents for what it is worth.  As a man, you should appreciate what Paul is going through.  I do not feel it is not my place to elaborate in detail of his complications, but Paul did confide in me that "he felt stripped of his masculinity"


You are often so generous in providing guests with appropriate counseling services, how is it you missed every aspect of this obvious diagnosis?  I am sure if you took the time to take Paul aside and speak with him one-on-one, the truth of how he really feels would have been exposed.  After all, as a fellow Brit, I understand how our parents drilled the "stiff upper lip" or as the younger generation now puts it "suck it up" attitude so I know Paul is going through the motions of the search for employment, but the claws of depression have a tight grasp on him, thus he is having having a hard time to become truly  motivated.    As a nurse, I can tell you he is severely clinically depressed.  Her is not the same hard driven, happy go lucky executive I once knew.    Paul is a mere shadow of the man he once was.


I believe you have always provided a valuable source of education to your viewers.  I am sure the producers and writers decide to place a certain spin on a story to increase ratings, as alas that is TV.   What could have been considered would have been the phenomenal opportunity to make this a three part story--  you could have given your advice but also told Paul that he would have the opportunity to do a show with "The Doctors" or "Dr. Oz".    You could have let them educate male viewers and their female partners as to how important it is for men over the age of 40 to begin to have their annual prostate health exam.  The doctors could have explained prostate cancer, the up-to-date procedures that are available, the risks and complications and the depression that envelopes many of these men in a shroud of dense fog.  The doctors may have even addressed if there are any new advances in overcoming resultant complications in addition to the strong support of a psychiatrist or psychotherapist that specializes in dealing with cancer survivors.


At this point, I am not sure what benefit Paul received.  if you asked me he is now more depressed than ever after being portrayed as a lazy husband.    Once again, readers may think I am coming to his defense..... not true, it is not hard to figure out that his less then aggressive job search is fueled by debilitating depression.

This message is for Jamie the cling on daughter, the program showed a clip of your dog for just a few seconds and I have a dog who looks exactly like it.  I would like to know if you could tell me the mixture of breeds and where you got it from.  I would like to have another one and can't  find them anywhere.  For all other posters, I know I should get a dog from the pound or rescue group, but I just can't help it.