I had great parents at my sporting events.  They either took pictures, or kept score.  Told me good game after the fact, and never criticized me because they let the coaches handle the "game stuff."  I played until I was ready to hang up the cleats and not play anymore (age 30) and now just exercise to be healthy (age 41.)

Here's a tool to help you prioritize your thoughts when it comes to youth sports and ranking what's important:
1) each individual athlete
2) the team
3) the coach
4) winning

Keep it in that order, and you'll raise a winner!  "Winning" means keeping them interested enough to keep it up.  Make them feel GREAT no matter where they are on the athletic spectrum.  HIgh fives, and "good job" go a long way.... as athletes, we know when we didn't give 100%; we know if we made a mistake;  we know when we played our hearts out;  we know when we made the play of the game... because our coaches taught us to recognize these things.  YOU make sure we feel like we won after EVERY game--so that, at least in your eyes, we won!!  Do some homework about the coaches, and the ranking of those elements involved in the game.... when winning moves up, you move on to find a coach or program that does prioritize in a healthy manner for the kids. 

Let's give youth sports back to the youth..........  it can be great; it can be competitive for the better athletes without becoming unhealthy for their minds and physche.  Coaches do not have to berate the kids in order to get the best out of them.... coaches should teach, and ask a lot of questions in order to help the athletes learn, not just become robots.

I have been following gymnastics since the early 80's and I am very familiar with the female gymnasts that were concidered to be "olympic contenders" around the '88, '92, and  '96 olympics.   Rhonda was NOT one of them, sorry Rhonda.  It surprised me when she said she was an olympic hopeful.... if she was even close to being a national level gymnast at that time, she would have already met Dominique Moceanu, and would have competed against her for several years.  That would not have been the first time they met. 

Maybe Mommy should set some goals of achievement for herselff !! Like removing the junk food from her home, starting an exercise program, and work on trying to be a better mother and wife. She is trying to find achivement  via her daughter so she wont have to find it in herself.

In my opinion, one of the biggest problems in our country is that we need to start empowering the family unit.Parents are not allowed to be responsible for their children anymore and people are not responsible for their own behaviors.People need to become accountable for their own behaviors, instead of DHS, psychologists, and the legal system handling people’s problems.

When people are suing companies for foolish things that most people should have had common sense to know, it puts the responsibility on manufacturers instead the family unit.For example, most people should know that you should not put a baby walker on a tabletop, yet there is a warning written on walkers, so evidently, there was somebody who had the gall to sue a company because he/she put the child in a walker on the tabletop.Duh.The woman who sued the fast food restaurant because she spilled coffee on herself while she was in the car.Figure it out—if you have a hot drink higher than your body in a car that is moving about on the highway, there is going to be a possibility of spilling it on yourself.People who have small children simply should not have glass coffee tables—isn’t there any desirable style of wooden table out there?These situations do not need to end with somebody being sued.

I think it is right in these sorts of situations to say to yourself, “Gosh, I did something stupid” and then fix the problem on your own and learn from the experience.When somebody sues a company for these accidents, the person loses his power, and he loses our power because then suddenly others feel like they must watch over us because we are too stupid to know that coffee is hot.We are too stupid to know the right way to raise our children.We give away our power left and right.

DHS is another area where I have concern.Something that is much more scary for a child than watching their parents fight, is the threat of DHS removing the child from his home and thus proving that the parents CANNOT protect the child.That is a very helpless feeling for a child to experience and it ruins the bond that the parent and child have.It ruins families.Parents need to have the “last say” over their children so that children can feel as though their family unit is strong and the children can have a true respect for their parents.Naturally, I am not talking about extreme cases where there is indeed life-threatening abuse.However, some of the reasoning for removing children from their homes is quite petty these days.We need to keep our eye on what is really at risk here.I think it is good and right for the child to know what is going on in its own family IF the parent wants to share it with the child.Dr. Phil says that the parents should not let their children know about family problems, yet DHS is allowed to tell children their own spin on what is going on in the family and Dr. Phil is telling the nation about that very child’s parents’ problems.Yes, the mother told her children what the father had done, but come on, don’t you think other people already know about it?I think it is healthier for the child to hear it from the parents and be prepared if somebody outside his family brings it up, instead of him hearing It the first time from somebody else and losing trust in his parents or wonder what is really going on (in the case of DHS where the child may not get to see the parents and clear up what is really happening).That is what families should be: people who know what the problems are and can address them together.

Can you honestly tell me that a parent who has gone through a pregnancy, invested in the child for several years, worked out issues as a family in emotional situations, financial situations, and educational situations should yield their own values in order to take advice from a Psychologist or DHS worker that probably doesn’t even have children of his/her own, and in most cases has spent little time getting to know the family in comparison to the time it has taken for the family to develop? Families do the best they are able, and I don’t believe the added stress of worrying about DHS and people who think the parents should keep their issues a secret from the children is beneficial.

People are just people and I think it is time for parents to stop taking a beating all of the time.We do the best we are able.Yes, teachers used to be able to smack children around in order to make them mind, but doesn’t Ritalin have the same results?(A tool for the teacher to handle the children) and in most cases I know, the child is drugged during the hours they are in school, so who is it that usually can’t deal with the child?

I think the children SHOULD see the parents argue—, then make up, and go on with life.That way, the child knows that just because people have disagreements, it does not mean the family has failed or that the parents should divorce.Just because there are words exchanged doesn’t have to mean something drastic.People can discuss it or they can hold it in until it grows, festers and they forget how to express it.It depends on how the family communicates.Some people are loud and others are soft spoken.Some parents are hands-on and others have nannies and daycare, some families are direct about what is going on and others are evasive.There should be more respect for families and their differences.Not everybody is the same and the same technique will not work for everybody.The only way this can work is if people begin to respect the family unit.

In the case of the baton girl whose mother was pushing her to succeed, I am in disagreement with Dr, Phil.Most children I know would rather sit in front of a computer or video game, which does not benefit them, nor shape their character in a positive way.That girl was overweight and throwing the baton is probably the only thing that will set her apart from the other students in a positive way.Yes, she received good grades, but that alone is not necessarily an indicator of success depending on how well the other children do.Maybe all the children at that school have good grades because the schools seem to give everybody awards because “everybody is a winner” which really doesn’t apply in the real world.In baton competitions, there are winners AND losers and that little girl has an opportunity to establish herself as a winner.Maybe the mother did not mention the girl’s good character or that she was a good person, because it was just assumed.(My daughter is a good person—what?And your other children aren’t?) Yes, it may be more the mother’s dream than the child’s, but it is the job of the mother to guide the child and decide what direction that child’s life will take.If you ask most small children what their dreams and goals are, you would get some outrageous answers.They are children and not able make complicated decisions on their own, otherwise, they could vote, get married, drink, and smoke.It is the parents’ duty and privilege to lead their children.Quit trying to remove that task from the parent.

In a world where nobody takes responsibility for himself or herself, do you think a child should be able to make her own choices regarding baton?

How beneficial is it for a child to be hearing on national television that his parents are making big mistakes? Parents are not supposed to let the children know that they are fighting, yet it can be announced on television along with a list of how the parents have failed the child.I think it is simply another obstacle that gets in the way of the trust that the child has for the parent. We need to start sticking up for the parents and supporting their decisions.

So, this father needs to stand up and allow his daughter to move forward with her twirling at the pace that she chooses.  I'll be honest, I didn't know that this particular activity had scholarships associated to it.  Bottom line, the mom needs to find something that she can achieve, thrive and compete in.   Enough time has been spent living through her daughter.  She took credit for all of her daughters successes but none of her "failures". 

I too live in Florida. I have a nine year old daughter who has the passion and drive to succeed. It comes from within. My daughter is currently a state champion in both twirling and soccer. She holds three state champions from DMA (Drum Majorettes of America) and state championship in U-10 girls AYSO (American Youth Soccer Organization.) Neither my husband nor I have EVER pushed her. She does these things because she loves it! We feel that being balanced is the recipe for success. My daughter achieved these goals while also getting straight A's in school and two 5s on the FCAT. Like a mentioned before, it comes from within. Two years ago, my daughter quit everything because her best friend moved away. She realized she missed both activities and rejoined both of them the following year. I sincerely hope that Rhonda does change, so her daughter can make her own decisions about what she's passionate. No strings attached. While this post may sound a bit like gloating, it's not my intention. The reason for this post is simply to give my point of view. Allow your daughter to find it from within. As you can see from the accomplishments I have mentioned, sometimes a break from activities is just what the doctor ordered.

why does erin have her granddaughter living with her?

I think you are missing the point winterwoods.   When you say that either a kid has it or they don't, and the superior athletic ability is GENETIC, what are you saying?

Is your kid adopted?  Because if he is your biological child,  you are still atributing his accomplishments to YOURSELF.

That's the point Dr. Phil was trying to make.... parents living through their kids in any fashion, whether browbeating them, or just simply soaking up their spotlight is a problem.

I have to say that I totally agree with this comment. I like Dr Phil's show and usually agree most of the time with his advice. But, I have to say that I also feel that the argument was one sided on this topic. I have 2 daughters that are good athletes, and are also good  at other things such as guitar and horseshowing  just to mention  a few. We are very busy, but all their activities are enjoyed by us as a family. And yes, we like to win but it's certainly not  going to become first priority over being happy and well rounded. I do believe that there is a line that parents can and do cross. It's up to the parents to know when is enough and in the case of the mom on today's show, in my opinion she was living her dreams through her daughter, which is sad. But, maybe she has seen the light and will change. I really wish Dr Phil would have had a guest on the show that would represent the parents  out there trying to give their kids every opportunity and supporting them with their dreams. Even if your kid doesn't have the talent to be the next MLB star, still work with them and practice like they have the ability and who knows...maybe they will!

My ex husband didn't finish HS. He was never satisfied with my sons' grades.  If they made a 90, there was no praise, no "good job!", it was questioning them as to why they didn't make a 95 or a 100.  I think when parents have issues with decisions they did or didn't make, or when they screwed up in their life or missed out on things, they live through their kids and put completely, 100%, unfair pressure on their kids.  They are harder on their kids, don't have any sympathy and want them to achieve what "they" want them to achieve, no matter the cost.  They really don't care what the child wants, they only want to feel like they succeeded by making their kids do what they failed at.  To me, it's so pathetic for a parent to be that way and do that.  Thank goodness I was no longer married to him and I could support my kids in doing what THEY wanted, not what their dad wanted.  It is SO HARD for a child of a parent like that to FINALLY stand up to them, but in the long run, they are better off standing up for themselves and liberating themselves from these manipulative, insecure parents and living the life THEY choose to live.