I watched the show today. I think once Randy had the first affair, the marriage was damaged. The second would have caused irreparable damage. She probably should have left then as I think she has been on a downward slide ever since. All the more recent issues are just a side effect. I don't think Randy should get too much blame for the recent stuff. She would have become a more and more difficult person to live with over the years. Over all, aside from some denial (not wanting to look bad on international TV), I don't think he's handled it too badly. The problem is he did the real damage to the marriage early on. And while he thinks he has atoned for those betrayals, I don't think that level of trust is ever truly regained. I think they would be better off splitting and rebuilding their lives individually.
As far as Jan's rights go, I think she has developed an entitlement mentality. If she can't earn enough to pay the mortgage, then she has to accept that her lifestyle will need to adjust. If Randy really is a good Dad, he should be trying to get joint custody of the children. I think she should get maybe 70-80% of the assets given their current income disparity. I think Randy should pay full child support and pay for a lot of the extras for the kids. But I don't think she should be getting spousal support, or if so, maybe for a year or two at most. She has responsibility for her own life now and has to accept accountability for staying in the marriage 15-20 years longer than she should have.

That male had zero insight. What a creep. He couldn't see a thing about himself So blind. I'll help her with money to get away from that zombie. She's a nice person seemingly (to her) stuck because of financial issues.

WOW! That is a lifetime!When I watched this show,I kept calling my "Randy" in the room.The "blame game" is Very hard to play Everyday.

Dr. Phil,I record your shows All the time.When I watched this one,I HAD to keep calling my boyfriend in the room.He has Alot in common with the hubby on here.I just Loved it when you looked at him and said,"so if she would just straighten up,everything woul be ok,right?"Thank You 1000 times over for having this show.Now I know I am not alone in the "blame game".

Dr Phil, as much as I love you. You missed it on this one. Jan is done with Randy. You could see the indifference in her eyes. She needs to move on.

I just have to say that the one major thing I kept hearing from the women who wants a divorce. "Her marrage, Her kids, Her house, Her happiness" Her husband is NOT there just for HER. What about him? And why is half of his: income, house, savings etc. Hers? What about what she has? She strikes me as a needy, selfcentered, selfish woman.

I will be contacting you about my own problem (If you like a challenge) you'll take me up on this.

I know. It actually breaks my heart to see myself and my children stuck in this situation. I feel I should be able to help them and i feel so worthless.

Jan what are you doing???
 
Please be careful you may get what you wish for. Please Get some help. That was patheteic.

No job: I know where you work and I know you have had a full time job for the last 5 years or so.

No Family: I know you live in the same town as your parents, Grandparents and sisters.

These bad thingd were years and years ago. Your kids moved out 4 to 5 years ago when they were 18 or 19. I think all kids that age move out.

If I remember correctly you stopped the earlier counseling not Randy.

I see Randy and your kids everywhere, never do I see you with them.

Randy bad and abusive, you both must be good actors I sure dont see it in either of you.

Have you been honest with Randy? Does he know all your little secrets?

Jan get over it and move on. You two are great together.

Quit playing the victim after this many years it is old!

Life is short and tough enough. Accept the Love and Life you have, you will never feel love without giving it ! 

Love always

I want to thank u so much for the reply but let me tell u i have already tried the whole getting a lawyer thing and the only way people here will help u is if he is not living in the home with u.  I am so mad about that because in the sense i think they must want u to wait till something bad happens like him beating u to death or worse.. I have no love for this man any longer, it is getting to the point where i am so angry that i am mean to my children, i am having constant panic attacks. I just don't know what is going to happen one day to the next.  I want to be happy, i do not want to walk around on egg shells in my own house wondering what the next move is going to be.  I just don't get if why he seems to have it so bad and he controls so much, why doesn't he just up and leave us? It doesn't matter to me, but i know that with his prior acts and currently the present situation he would never get custody of my children. He always threatens me with that, telling me to just leave and leave the kids with him. I WOULD NEVER!! But my kids are beginning to get resentfull at me for HIS actions. They wana be with him but in the same sense when he's not around they are missing him. I just don't know where to begin again... but i wanted to say thank u for giving me some valuable advice that i will take into serious consideration. Oh by the way about the whole alimony thing.... he said he would rather sit in jail than pay me a $1 worth of alimony, so that doesn't give me much hope!! Thank u again...

Dr. Phil,

What do you do when one is not emotionally ready to be divorced?  I wrote to you a while back before we were divorced that my then 19 year old son was on drugs, and now he's 22.  He stole 5,000 dollars from us and my husband knows he's enabling him and then had an affair.  Emotionally, no I wasn't ready for divorce but, my husband didn't want to go for more counseling.  I am using counseling, my son is living at home still doing drugs and my younger son is in college and when he comes home he is the outsider in my husbands house.  Talk about disfuntional.  I know you can't help everyone but , again what happens if both of you are not emotionally ready for divorce and one is forced to divorce?

Jan