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(Original Air Date: 10/15/09) Studies say that 53 out of every 100 siblings abuse their brother or sister. Is it happening in your home? Amanda says her older sister, Corrina, used to terrorize her by chasing her with a butcher knife and rolling her up in carpets. Corrina doesn’t remember what her sister accuses her of. Can these women heal and forgive? And, Kim worries about the way her 11-year-old daughter treats her 9-year-old son. Dr. Phil meets with the little girl. Does she have the ability to empathize? If you’re a parent, learn the signs of when normal rough housing and sibling fighting crosses over to abuse, and how to stop it from happening.

Find out what happened on the show.
Comments
Replied By: shazaz21 on May 9, 2014, 11:02AM - In reply to frozensolid
I so get how you feel, I was abused horribly by my older brother, I am sure that it affected my self esteem, my self worth, and into my adulthood, my relationships with men, I am in my early 50's ! and have never married.although I do have a daughter, and she is doing well, she has never known a father figure, She got Lucky? as her father died when I was 3 1/2 months PG, as opposed to him just not being there if he were alive. I don't trust my judgement when it come's to men, as they have ALL been poor choice's in one way or another. I believe Dr Phil could revisit this topic more and help alot of people, Me being one of them.
 
Replied By: shazaz21 on May 9, 2014, 10:54AM
After watching this re-run about sibling abuse,  I didn't realize just how much my life has really been affected because of the abuse I suffered at the hands of my older brother all through out my life. As Dr Phil would say, it has changed who I am. Can't imagine, but I am sure there are other siblings out there who might have been just as relieved as I was when my "sibling" passed away, The poison is now gone !! Yippee !!! but the scar's remain. I want to know how to forgive him and move on with my life. So many area's of my life still need ALOT of work, Dr Phil, this I fully believe is a topic that can be re-visited over and over again, just like spousal abuse.. The abuse may have stopped and the sibling is Gone but the scar's remain. Just what & how do I completely heal from this and get on with my life in a healthy way, My relationships are affected by this, as I do not have relationships with the opposite sex any more, and I am not getting any younger.
 
Replied By: frozensolid on Oct 3, 2011, 8:16PM
Sibling abuse is not really talked about.  People think it is ok for siblings to have rivalry it is considered "normal".  My parents did nothing when my older brother would ignore me growing up. At the dinner table he would push his chair away from me every night .   I felt so belittled.  It all started when i was around 12. I am now 47. My brother has a family of his own but yet he never invites me over.  I have no kids and no other siblings.  I have had social phobia and intimacy issues, because of low self esteem. I have bitterness to my parents for being in severe denial.  They go over his house all the time, like everything is fine.   I feel like a giant thumb is pressing down on me and that i will never find peace.  I feel very worthless in my family and i carry these feelings to every aspect of my life
 
Replied By: frozensolid on Oct 3, 2011, 7:50PM - In reply to kindfree63
I am 47 and was emotionally abused by my older brother.....it all started when i was around 12, my parents did nothing about it.  I felt so alone and started to get paranoid and very withdrawn.  I developed intimacy  problems as well as social phopia.  Today my brother does not talk to me at all.  I have no other siblings. I   I have no children and feel my future looks pretty lonely.  I blame my mother and father for not sticking up for me but yet i care for them dearly.
 
Replied By: charmzzgirl on Jun 23, 2011, 8:33AM - In reply to toddges
Three abusers and one scapegoat is very comon for a family abuse dynamic. As Dave Pelzer points out in his silence shattering memoirs of a child of abuse, most families choose one child (the "subjective patient" to faulth with all of the sickness within the household. You are not alone. It wasn't your fault, in fact, the abuse had nothing to do with you, no matter how well your family justified it. You were abused because you were convenient. It's just as cold, matter-of-fact, and as stunningly terrigying as that. I am so sorry.  I am so glad you have survived. \ sgb
 
Replied By: simp0113 on Dec 19, 2010, 10:04PM
Thank you so much Dr. Phil for taking on this subject. I was emotionally and physically abuse by my older brother.  The abuse did not stop until I finally grew old enough and big enough to fight back. My mother always took my brother's side in every fight and nothing was ever done to help me.

It is such a relief to know that I am not alone and that many many others have had to deal with this.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Monica
 
Replied By: bh24_2010 on Aug 11, 2010, 8:51AM
When I was a kid my older brother was brutal to me. We were 18 months apart almost to the day, we both had the same initials and everyone thought we were twins. My brother hated that people thought we were twins he would say awful things to me.

We were latchkey kids, my parents were divorced, we started staying home alone at 8 and 10 years old. My mom was the main parent, both of us kids had a really hard time with my dad being absent. We lived half way across the country from us. My brother wanted to live with my dad but mom would not allow it until he was 16 because my father’s wife was verbally abusive, she didn't want us living there until we were able to defend ourselves from her if we had to. My father is a pretty passive person and he wouldn't stand up to his wife.

My brother was really angry with my mom for moving away from my dad and not letting him live there and he took it out on me. Most of the abuse happened when she wasn't home. When we were left alone my brother needed control over anything and everything that he wanted, TV remote, Phone, Radio, Video games. If I was on the phone he would come into my room and say "Off the phone B@*!h" if I said know he would hit me until I let go of the phone. Once he got the phone from me he would hang it up and go use it himself. Same thing would happen with any activity.
I can remember specific events. For example: One time my brother had a friend over after school, I wanted to hang out with him and he wasn't having it. So he threw my mom's fabric cutting board at me, the board was covered with fabric, it hit me in the temple and put a fabric burn on the side of my head. When my mom came home she asked me what happened I said it was a curling iron burn because that is what it looked like. My mom use to always call me "grace" because I was "always hurting myself" what she didn't know at the time was that most of the injuries were from my brother, I would just tell her "Oh I fell" or "I ran into this or that". My brother would say "If you tell mom I'll kill you" so I didn't tell my mom. My mom did catch him at times and she would punish him but most of the abuse happened when she was gone.

When I was a kid I loved singing and dancing, I was in chorus and dance classes so I spent a lot of my after school time listening to music and dancing in my room. I was doing just that one day, I had the radio a little louder because my brother was outside playing it was just me in the house. I must have been 11 or 12… Because the radio was loud I didn’t hear my brother come in the house. He let me know he was there when he came barging in my room telling me to turn down the radio. I was mad and I yelled back at him and told him “No I was in here by myself and you were outside, just leave me alone!” He ripped my radio out of the wall reached in his room grabbed the baseball bat and started walking through the house and out the back sliding glass door. I was screaming at him the whole time “give it back”. He sat it down on the backyard patio and destroyed it with the baseball bat then said “ you better clean this up before mom gets home or I will kick you’re butt” he laughed as he walked away. I was crying my eyes out as I cleaned it up. My mom got home about an hour later. She came through the back patio rather then the side door. As soon as she walked through the door she called out names. I was in my room with the door shut, my brother caught me in the hall and said “shhhh” with a mean look in his eyes… I knew what he meant. When we got to the living room my mom was holding a piece of the radio in her hand she said “What is this” we both said “I don’t know” she told us to sit down on the couch. She started looking around the house for what was missing. First the living room, then the kitchen, then the back of the house; when she came back into the living room she grabbed a chair and sat right in front of us then turned to me and said “where’s your radio” I started crying… I told her I dropped it. She knew I was lying, she asked my brother in an exaggerated, fake happy voice “what did you do to your sister’s radio” he lied about it she knew he was lying. She went into his room, took his radio put it in my room and grounded him for a week. He beat me up the next day.

When I was in school I remember having an assembly, this speaker came in talking about abuse. That was when I realized what was going on with my brother. They didn’t talk about sibling abuse… that was called “sibling rivalry”. Whenever I would try to tell someone about what was going on I would be brushed off with statements such as “Oh he’s your brother, brothers do things like that”. I remember thinking that the things the speakers described about abuse was like me and my brother but I thought that I couldn’t do anything about it because he was a kid.

My brother moved when I was in high school, he went to live with my dad. Once he was gone I told my mom everything she cried she said she knew something was going on but I always denied it so she couldn’t figure out what to do about it. She told me she was sorry about it and she wish she would have known when it was happening.

Later when my brother was 22 and I was 20 I went out to visit, he was living with some roommates away from home. My mom and I out for Christmas we had family in the state, my brothers house was the first stop. I was planing on going on with my mom to my grand parents house but my brother asked me to stay with him because he needed to talk to me. I was scared but agreed because it didn’t really feel like a threat. The first night that I was there we talked in his room and he told me “I was really mean to you when we were kids, it wasn’t right and I’m sorry”. I couldn’t believe it! I felt so much better about so everything, those words changed my life and of course I forgave him, he was sincere, I could tell he really felt bad about all of it. I understood that he too was a kid at the time and I don’t think he understood how bad it was until he got a little older.

Now… My brother and I are not best friends we have let go of the past and built the best relationship that we could have with each other. We are very different from each other; I was raised in the big city and never left the city life, I work with computers, don’t want to get married or have kids, I’m working on starting my own business. My brother lives in a small area, he loves to hunt, just got a computer in 2009 so he doesn’t know much about it, he has 2 kids, he’s divorced and he works for a sales company. We only talk about twice a year and that is only because we don’t have much to talk about. We know both know that if we ever need one another we will always be there. I was the first person he called when his son was being born; it was really funny listening to him because he was so excited that nothing he was saying was making sense! I was excited for him and when I laughed about his craziness he laughed with me. I was the first person he called when he was going through the divorce with his wife. He includes me in the important moments of his life. It’s nice to have him in my life though we are not really close.

So my story has a happy ending, we did work things out as adults. Had my brother not come to me later in life and apologized I know that where I am today would be different. His apology changed my life, so if you are someone that abused your sibling where you were younger verbally, physically or both, tell him or her that you are sorry… it really does make a difference in both of your lives.
 
Replied By: itsok1 on Jul 19, 2010, 4:57PM - In reply to jillyd
You are not alone. I am a 34yr old female sibling abuse survivor.  I suffered beatings and sexual abuse by the hands of my older brother.  I am still trying to put some of the pieces together.  I suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder as a result.  But with the help of therapy and family counseling, I know I can live a life where I can find peace...though the memory and pain still remains.  A book that may be helpful to you is SIBLING ABUSE (Second Edition) by Vernon R. Wiehe.  I ordered it online from Amazon.  It is an amazing source of knowledge and will help you become aware of what happenened to you and validate any doubts you may have.  Let it empower you....and trust that you are strong enough to find the right steps to take care of yourself and find your healing.

It's ok
 
Replied By: kindfree63 on May 24, 2010, 11:14PM - In reply to jillyd
Hi Jillyd
No, you are not wrong to blame your mother.   I loved mine dearly and she adored me but she didn't protect me and she should have.   I was called the Drama Queen when I complained about the abuse, so your not alone in being told you were over-reacting.   It's such a complex thing to work through as I still love my mother dearly and I really that in her case she did nothing as her anxiety problems meant she couldn't face it.  That wasn't good enough and she should have protected me and so there are those feelings mixed in with love.   The only way through all this is lots of work with a psychologist you feel comfortable with.   It is damn hard and even scary work but persevere and things will be better.   Thinking of you.  from another Aussie
 
Replied By: kindfree63 on May 24, 2010, 11:08PM - In reply to jillyd
I'm even later to reply and also in Australia.   Like so many of you, I am so glad to hear it is being spoken about.   I was sexually abused by my older brother from when I was 2 until I was 12, after he was abused by a next door neighbour who left.  During that time and until I left home at 23 he also physically abused me on almost a daily basis.  I came from a bible belt area in Australia filled with middle class homes with a very loving stay at home Mum and regular church going.   My brother, who is 5 years older than me, loved to punch me as hard as he possibly could or karate kick me, hold me down under blankets so I struggled to breathe or pull extremely hard on my long hair.  When other children were roughhousing and one child's laughs would turn from enjoyment to being scared, that would seem to excite him and he would giggle (I so hate the sound of that giggle and recognise it in other children) and then punch harder and harder.   Other children would complain to my other brother and I that our brother hurt them and then they wouldn't play with us.   I only ever had one birthday party as my brother shoved one of my school mates too hard at my one party and caused her to break her wrist.  My mother was too kind and wouldn't let my father discipline my brother.   They put up a punching bag for him to use in the hope that he wouldn't hit me but it just made him stronger.   Then when none of the other children in the neighbourhood would play with him, my mother made my brother and I play with him.  If we complained that he had hurt us my Mum's response was to ask what we had done to set him off as she couldn't control him but could control our behaviour.  He was also insanely jealous of any attention my mother gave to my brother and I and tried to smother one of us as a baby.  My mother and the church group spent their whole time trying to help my older brother and trying to deal with his behaviour but not once did any think about the effect of it on my nice brother or I or talk to us about how we were.  My nice brother is still very withdrawn.   I was a star of the church but left when they put my abusive brother in charge of the youth group and no-one rang to ask why I no longer went.   I remember showing my school mates a bruise bigger than my hand where he had karate kicked me in the thigh, when he was 22.   It was so horrible to live with that pain, frustration and fear.  I have nothing to do with him now, if at all possible, as he still wants to control and dominate me and for that reason I don't believe in healing this particular rift.   I don't believe he can or wants to change the way he thinks.   He wants me to change the way I think.   I have started to go to family events as I don't want his presence to cut me off from my family.     My message would to the public and school would be: don't just be concerned about the children who have behaviour problems.   Look also at their siblings and / or other children in the school who are extremely well behaved - that's not normal either.
 
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