Sign up for the Dr. Phil Newsletter
Twitter Facebook YouTube

2009 Shows

 
Dr. Phil peels back the curtain on cheating spouses when he talks to five women from the online group “Mistresses Anonymous.” One member, Judy, has been having an affair with a married man for 15 years. Why does she stay in the relationship? Plus, Sarah, the group moderator, believes wives should behave more like mistresses. Learn why she adopted this philosophy. Next, Brett, an actor, conducts an experiment at an L.A. club to see how many women will approach a man with a wedding ring. The results may surprise you! Then, meet a guest who has been unfaithful to his wife for years and says he wants to come clean.

Check out Dr. Phil's blog about this show.

Find out what happened on the show.
Comments
Replied By: closetfull on Nov 14, 2009, 4:35PM
I have been mad as h... since your "AFFAIR" show. My friends and I have been talking at great length about this subject. Some of them have had affairs with married men.Why do you always blame the woman????? No matter what side of the affair she is on.... I am 73 and just had a bad experience with a man I flipped over and found out 3 months later he is married..I walked away sad and disappointed.  He is 76. Can you believe it, they never stop do they. ?????And we get just as hurt at 73 or 33.  These guys seem so sincere. I am a retired business owner. Thought I had brains and never saw it coming. Please, please but some blame on these jerks. THANKS IN WASHINGTON
 
Replied By: casey91 on Nov 14, 2009, 4:27PM
Hi Dr. Phil,

    I believe the person responsible is the one who " SAID THE VOW'S!, I don't think the

other woman or  man is guilty , I feel it is your partner, but the woman acting like it is alright are just hurting another woman, sad I thought we were all out of Highschool w/all the game's!!

   But to find out that these woman have formed a Group is disgusting to me. And to say what they are doing is right , they know in their heart's it is not.

    I mean come on there are enough thing's all woman have to go through, why would you want to hurt
another woman.

    And believe me if he is cheating w/you, when your completely together with him , you will find out
what it is like to be hurt so bad by your partner.

" THE TRUST IS GONE!!"

" WHEN ARE WOMAN GOING TO COME TOGETHER AND HELP EACH OTHER, WE HAVE ENOUGH

PROBLEM'S WITH WORK AND MAKING THE SAME PAY AS MEN IN THIS DAY AND AGE! "

THINK TWICE LADIE'S , A LEOPARD NEVER CHANGE'S IT'S SPOT'S!!


Casey91
Rhode Island
 
Replied By: gaborten on Oct 27, 2009, 2:53PM - In reply to kenny26
We are so not on the same page in this discussion.  My beef is with those who lie, married men, married women.  Even people who are dating expect to be dealt with in an honest manner.  It is cowardly, in my opinion, to cheat. 

As far as the mistresses that day....I kept asking, "Didn't their mamas teach them that you're asking for trouble dating a married person?"  You involve yourself with a married person, men and women, you are asking for trouble.   Even children, in all of their innocence, know that their parents have no business being with anyone else in that way!  In this game of affairs, etc., someone will get hurt.  It is reckless to involve yourself someone's marriage.  

You seem all gloom and doom with regard to your marriage.  You are going to have to deal with it the best way you know how, and you will have to deal with the consequences of your decisions, whatever they may be.  I will say, I will never, in a million years, tell someone their affairs are justified, no matter the misery, etc.  

I am at a loss.  Are you FOR men cheating behind their wives' backs? I've said time and again, it is rotten to live a lie.  By the way, I heard the "if they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you" long before Dr. Phil.  That is just common sense.
 
Replied By: kenny26 on Oct 26, 2009, 6:44PM - In reply to gaborten
" The fact remains that if a man will cheat with you, he will cheat ON you. "

Yes, Dr. Phil often says this, and it's as good a rule as any.  But a woman's choices aren't always so simple because that rule applies to many single men too.  While a married man has his wife at home, a single man might already have several girlfriends who he's promised more than he can deliver.  Many single men are single for a reason (they can't hold a relationship, or don't want committment).  Not to mention that some single men became single because they cheated in their marriage, which he most likely won't tell you.

Which explains why married men look pretty good to some women, unfortunately.  He typically does not have a bunch of other girlfriends he's sleeping with.  In fact, some of them aren't even sleeping with their wives.

The real problem is that the mistress often underestimates the strength of the other ties the man has to his marriage.  She thinks love will conquer all.  In fact, in some cases, the man thinks so too, and he's not lying about his feelings which are often real enough in the situation.  It's just that when reality hits about actually leaving his marriage, he realizes how strong his ties are to his family.  This is an old theme played out in many movies, applied to both genders.
 
Replied By: beachbum on Oct 25, 2009, 5:21PM - In reply to mommylily3
You may never read this because it's way after the fact but something you said in your post has kept on coming back to me.  So many people have made  good points, but in my view, your comment comes closest to the way it is;  "a man cheats because he *wants* to .  We spend so much time analyzing and thinking about "why" and  that if we find the answer we can fix this or prevent this, but the reality is people do it cos they want to.  It's not the fault of the other person.
 
Replied By: gaborten on Oct 23, 2009, 9:21AM - In reply to kenny26
The show that day dealt with the lies told to BOTH the wives and the mistresses.  We are referring to men who cheat, sneaky devils.  The fact remains that if a man will cheat with you, he will cheat ON you. 

Both men and women, unfortunately, cheat on their spouses.  Not all men lie, sure.  But not all affairs are because of withholding sex either!  If you are married, you deserve to know the truth.  Dr. Phil often talks about how we can't change what we don't acknowledge. 

Perhaps your own honesty will be what finally motivates your wife to work this out with you, so you both can be happy with each other.  You don't solve anything by cheating. 
 
Replied By: horseygirl1807 on Oct 23, 2009, 8:55AM
I have a few things to say about the show, first i feel that the womens nonchalant behavoir about cheating with other womens husbands was appualing to say the least. I have been married for almost a year now and even before marriage anyone with a lick of sense woud know that its wrong to cheat with any ones spouse!

Sure I can get that at first they might not know that this person is married, but being a respectable woman if it had happened to me as soon as I found out I would remove myself from the situation.

I agree that in some cases spouses may grow apart or develope problems that seem unfixable but thats when you talk about  it with eachother! You either get help or get divorsed. I also believe it is an excuse to say that they make the husbands better fathers and so on...... or I dont want to leave cause of the kids. Well what are your children going to think about you if and when you get caught? How are you teaching them to be?  I think if your not happy get help or get out.
 
Replied By: kenny26 on Oct 22, 2009, 5:05PM - In reply to cadescove99
The biggest wrong assumption in this thread and the show that started it is the wrong idea that all men are like the ones portrayed in the show.  A recent post in this forum sums it up:

"I agree with you. Men come equipped with  lips and vocal cords. If a husband isn't happy, he ought to use them to tell his wife so. Why. And, what he wants from her. Wives aren't mind readers. "

Really???  You expect me to believe that most guys are too wimpy and shy to mention to their wives that they are not happy with the lack of sex in their marriage???  You have got to be kidding me!

Sure, I believe SOME men will stray and not say anything to their wives, even if they are having good sex at home.  In fact, such cheating men are too common, I'll grant you that.  But by NO MEANS ALL MEN.  I don't have much sympathy for women who shut off their husbands sexually and then express surprise and shock and indignance when their husband goes outside the marriage after years of involuntary celibacy.  To say that such a woman had no responsibility for her husband's affair is just plain BS.
 
Replied By: gofaso1 on Oct 22, 2009, 4:38PM
I just watched this show and am so enraged by the women on this stage. Portraying themselves as victims (yes I said VICTIMS-they disagreed).  What kind of morality do these women have? How are we supposed to be empathetic to their situation? A situation which most of them went into aware that these men had families. If they didn't know at first, they found out. They sat there talking about their pain, when they admitted that they were looking for relationships like the one we have with our husbands! I can't believe they wouldn't put themselves in our positions as wives.  The reason we were so angry with them, besides the obvious is that there is an unspoken sisterhood between women. We have responsibilities to each other not to use or abuse that priviledge. They spoke about the anger directed at them from the audience and not the men.  First of all the only man spoken to was a man who took complete responsibility for his actions. He realized what he was doing was wrong and wanted to make changes. That is honorable.  Yes, we are angry with the husbands, but the men weren't up there justifying their contract-breaking behavior.  I believe it is up to the married (or committed relationship) couple to work at keeping that relationship alive. To communicate and to love one another in a honorable, giving manor.  If a man does cheat, that does say something about the relationship and the integrity of that man. That is a whole other show topic! I have been married 29 years.  We work at our relationship constantly. We are not problem-free, but we have a healthy committed marriage. I love what we have, but I wouldn't feel empathy for a women who would have an extramariital affiar with him and he would definately be out on his ass!  There is no excuse for infidelity today.  Work on the relationship you have and if you have earned your way out (as Dr. Phil would say), honor the other person and end it before you begin another.
 
Replied By: free2opine on Oct 20, 2009, 12:49PM
I was irritated with the advice to wives about keeping their husband from cheating.  This was blaming the victim once again!  (I do feel that good health and pride in ones appearance is important.) 


I do not feel the majority of the cheating men that I have encountered through out my life (I never cheated with any of them) cheat because there wife does not look as good as the other women the man encounters in the world outside of his house.  It is not about the wife as much as it is about the man.  I have found that it is not so much what the guy is getting out of the marriage as much as it is what he is putting into marriage.  If the man is truly invested in the marriage he is less likely to cheat.

 

My ex-husband informed me that the woman he eventually cheated with was surprised that I was so attractive.  They started out as coworkers and we interacted at office parties.  I think my husband gave her the “my wife does not understand me” line.  They both ended divorcing their spouses and marrying.  After one child and a short marriage my ex-husband and the new wife divorced.  (I have been married to my second husband for 32 years.)

 

I can draw a parallel from my years as a teacher.  I have had a student on occasion inform me that they were bored by my class.  I found that I never heard this from the above average students.  The good students would take what I taught them and run with it.  The more they learned the more they wanted to know.  The student who was ready to learn was engaged in the class and it really did not matter how dry the material seemed.

 

The husband who puts allot into his marriage seems to be less likely to risk the relationship with extra curricular activity.
 
Showing 21-30 of total 481 Comments