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2009 Shows

 
(Original Air Date: 10/08/09) You may think you know your loved ones, but could they be hiding a secret that would shock you? Jane Velez-Mitchell, host of HLN’s Issues with Jane Valez-Mitchell and author of the new book, iWant, opens up about her struggles with alcoholism and sexual identity. Learn how she came to terms with being a lesbian, how she revealed her sexuality on a radio show and how it affects her loved ones. And, Barbara, 39, knew she was gay at the age of 13, but ever since having a child via in vitro fertilization, she finds herself having doubts. What is behind her shift in sexuality? And, a mother of a teen claiming to be bisexual wants to know if it’s just a phase. Is she harming her daughter by not supporting her sexual identity? Tell us what you think!

Find out what happened on the show.
Comments
Replied By: heathermw76 on Mar 8, 2010, 5:57AM
I've been w/ my boyfriend for 8 yrs. After 6 yrs he deciced to "take a break". 3 days into that break- he started sleeping w/ someone else. I was unaware of this for the first month. then suddenly there were text messages, phone calls, letters. during one conversation, the other woman expressed that she hoped she got pregnant, and her goal was to f**k up our lives. She claimed to be so in love and used the term "consumed". Well, needless to say, she did just that. During the whole affair, my boyfriend and I were still together, he just wasn't living w/ me. This girl became so obsessed that a week after meeting my boyfriend, she moved less than a block away from him. (men don't see how crazy certain things are when they think w/ the wrong head) We tried to be civil about things, he spoke to her about abortion, (come to find out, she had too many of them already- this is not her first affair) She gave our family a very hard time about things, so he decided it was best to ignore the situation. DNA testing was done, child support set up. Now that the baby is almost a year old, he decide he wanted to see his son. So, he left me again! She had previously told him that if he stayed w/ me, he could not see his son. This happened 2 weeks ago. Now he wants to come home, he realizes he never should have left. but she is telling him if he does that he won't be able to see the child unless it,s at her house. (which coincidentally, after having the baby, she moved onto the same road we live on- so that every time i leave my house, i'm accused of stalking!!! ugh!) I'm having a really hard time dealing with all of this... obviously. Yesterday she informed him that she hayes me so much and holds so much against me because she feels that i took him away from her and i'm the reason he "abandoned" her and her kids.( she has more than one- resulting from similar action.- affairs w/ different men) So, she sees ME as the other woman! I'm shocked by this! Not really sure what to do. Would like some outside opinions. There are a million more details to all of this, of course, but this is the general idea. Feedback would be appreciated.
 
Replied By: lucybeans on Dec 25, 2009, 10:08PM
I totally related to what Barbara had to say, not about being a lesbian conflicted, but about the urges while being pregnant. I felt so bad for Barbara feeling torn up about her sexuality, but I don't think it had anything to do with that as much as her biological urges due to being pregnant. I was told I wouldn't get pregnant after a car accident I was in that resulted in me have internal injuries. Since the doctor told me I wouldn't get pregnant, my boyfriend and I didn't use any protection. I ended up pregnant, and alone, accused of lying to my boyfriend to try to trap him with a pregnancy. I wasn't very experienced in the sex department, and with my body getting ready deliver a baby, I was craving sex ALOT. Of course I don't have any medical info to back me up, this is just what I felt my body going through. The muscles I needed to push the baby out hadn't been developed, and my body was trying to tell me to exercise them. Not having anyone around to help me out, those muscle just got left undeveloped. :/
I wish for Barbara to see this to put her mind at ease. Unless there was actually an attraction to a man, I don't believe she should be questioning her sexuality because of her hormonal craving for sex.
 
Replied By: edjobs on Dec 24, 2009, 4:11PM
If I love all people, men, women and children, what label does that make me?  This may be a shock to everyone, but I don't label myself or categorize myself in "sexual words/labels". 
Now why do people like Jane or you Dr. Phil think they have to label themselves in some sexual terms as a way of defining who they are?  and why do they feel that until they do, they are hiding something or "not being honest" with themselves or their families or friends???  So Jane had feelings towards another girl when she was young, that does not mean anything all, young people go through different feelings towards others when they are growing up(I am surprised you did not address this when she brought it up), it is what they decide later in life that decides who they like to be with and even then that does not mean that defines who they are and that they can Never change.  
Why does society require that any person "come out "  by calling themselves a name that has sexual connotation of what they do in private.  What people do in private, should remain private.  For instance, if a person is celebate is that something the world has to be told and in that case what sexual label do they call themselves?  This is where our society is messed up.  Sexual relationships and Love are not synonomous, there is Love that is totally without any sexual connotations and it is this the Love people should strive for towards first towards one another, and this especially goes for their soulmate.  If anyone disagrees with me all they need do is read a little about our Lord Jesus and the Love he teaches for us to have towards all people, no matter what their "private sexual orientation" is at that time in their lives.  Who people associate with should not result in them having to categorize themselves in a "sexual way".  I know how we got to this point, but it is time to turn the corner and stop emphasiing the need for people to publicisize their private lives and accept people for who they are, not who they have sexual relationships with.
 
Replied By: lwayfan7 on Dec 24, 2009, 3:02PM
I caught the last 1/2 hr. of this show, but will relook at the whole thing later. But what I got out of it is what I am going through. My name is also "Barbara", I have recently found myself in love with a female. I have confronted this person, who admitted she had some feelings for me too. Even though she is married to a man.Though nothing has come out of it yet, I find it hard not to see her a few times a week or get a text from her. She has my heart so tight. I have always been with a man, now the thought of a man disgusts me. The weird thing is, this person and I have never even been romantically together, though we are friends. I feel "she" opened up what I really am, or wanna be. I was raised ina rough home, as far as hating anyone who is not white, hate interracial couples, hate gays and lesbians. ..etc. When I became a mom in 1986, I did the best I could to raise my son opposite of what I was raised.
I have even told my "husband" (we aren't legally married anymore, but he lives with me, but we don't sleep together) I love him, but not in love with him anymore.
He thinks I'm going through a mid-life crisis:  this new feeling, I got a motorcycle license, going to skydive soon, so he just thinks its a crisis that I will get over.
I have always gotten teased that I was gay, cause I love sports, have short hair, etc.
I do remember Jane saying at the end of the show, that her job was very supportive , but if I came out, I know people at my job would not be. There will always be a few that thinks it's disgusting and will talk. I just don't know where to go from here. But glad someone like me is out there as well.
Life is too short not to love who you love!!!!
Thanks,
"Barbara"
 
Replied By: figlet on Dec 24, 2009, 2:32PM
My husband had a six-year affair with our oldest adopted daughter.  It was consensual, well hidden - even from her therapist and teachers - and it blew me away,  After separating for a period of time, I was faced with the only decision that mattered: to obey God or not.  Because my husband was truly broken and repentant, was making changes in his life to deal with what caused it to happen on his end, i chose to forgive and reconcile with him..  He is still in prison, we are still married and our marriage is the best it has ever been (30 years on our last anniversary).  I wrote a book about the entire thing, what i learned when i researched the whys and hows it could happen, what i saw in our local court system, and told about the 40 lessons God had taught me as i lived my own "Job experience."  Yes - it is possible to forgive an affair, stay married and even have the marriage healed beyond ones wildest expectations!   Today i am still waiting for my husband to come home from prison and our prodigal children to be reconciled to me.

P.S.  Today (12/24) is our son's Anniversary Day - the day we were granted permanent custody.  My MS deteriorated from Relapsing-remitting to Secondary-progressive because of the stress of living alone and still working full-time as i dealt with this.  My book was written under my maiden name (Dearest Children, by T.R. Lipscomb)
 
Replied By: jade4953 on Dec 24, 2009, 12:49PM
My son is gay.  He has been attacked at college by homophobic individuals.  His friends have also experienced this very dangerous situation more often than not.  My granddaughter has come out and has a relationship at this time.  She is a teen.  However, she is not aware of the possibility of violence from these close-minded people.  I think the subject should be vocally addressed.  The topic that you explore does not include this horrible feature.  Perhpaps  the topic is worth several educational shows?  Without this discussion, the topic is clearly not complete.
 
Replied By: martian711 on Dec 24, 2009, 12:48PM
I just wanted to say that sexuality is so fluid.... there is a huge continuum where i dont think anyone is really just gay or just lesbian.... i think some people are more gay or lesbian than others, but i dont think it is unusual or wrong that people are questioning their sexuality.

i am gay and have been since i was a senior in high school. its been ten years. since then i have tried dating men... i have found myself attracted to men... however i am more attracted to women.

I just hope people dont agonize over being sexual. sexuality is natural and it shifts and changes as we shift and change and grow and mature.

thanks!
 
Replied By: getrealtime on Oct 28, 2009, 6:30AM - In reply to revrainbowlady
You seem very judgementel while asking for other not to be. I just want what i give, the right to express my beliefs as I believe  to my core of who I am.

As for my children, I know I will disagree with their choices as they grow and start their own beliefs systems but it does not mean I will force my beliefs on them and they should as adults do the same for me. People like you on both sides of the debt think it has to be only your way when it doesn't. I can love and respect my child and their choices for their life while not giving up my own and going to a closet.

if my child expects me to love them unconditionly then why would I not expect the same from them. I will except my child for who they are and they should do the same for me, like I raised them to do.
 
Replied By: revrainbowlady on Oct 22, 2009, 10:04PM
Being gay, lesbian, bisexual, straight or asexual is not a "sexual" orientation. It has nothing to do with who you have sex with. It's about who you can fall in love with. There are millions of lesbians married to men, who will die being married to a man, but who have always been, are and always will be lesbians. They're just too afraid to come out of the closet. The same is true for gay men married to women. It's not about who you have sex with.

You can find all sorts of examples. Men who go into prison and have sex with each other. Do they go from being straight before going to prison to being gay while in prison to being straight again when they get back out? No! They're still straight: they're just having sex with the only gender available to them at the time. Or the woman who wants to fulfill her husband's fantasy by having sex with another woman while he's watching (or maybe even participating.) Is she suddenly bisexual now that she's had sex with another woman? No! She's still straight because the gender of the person she has sex with doesn't matter!

And finally, calling it a "sexual orientation" cheapens all relationships by making them nothing more than sexual encounters, but especially gay relationships. If you ask a straight person what their orientation is, they're probably gonna look at you funny AND think you're gay-- because a lot of straight people associate the use of the term "orientation" with being gay. They don't see themselves as having an orientation-- that's something only gays have.

Now, this may seem like splitting hairs. But it's not when you understand the subconscious connections people make and the power of words. One of the big arguments against laws to protect gays from discrimination is that it's providing a special right to gays because being gay is a choice. Who you have sex with (and that does NOT include being raped/sexually molested) is also a choice. Therefore, by calling it a sexual orientation, the subconscious decides that being gay is a choice. And as long as that is reinforced by calling it a "sexual orientation", people are going to continue to insist that laws protecting gays are granting them special rights.
 
Replied By: revrainbowlady on Oct 22, 2009, 9:49PM - In reply to getrealtime
A lifestyle is a way people choose to live their life: they can live a miserly life, a pious life, a bohemian life, a workaholic life. What exactly is a "gay lifestyle"? (Hint: there is no such thing.) There is no more a gay lifestyle than there is a heterosexual lifestyle. One no more chooses to be straight than one chooses to be gay.

I pray your child is not gay, because if s/he is, you have no idea the damage you're doing to him/her by your anti-gay comments.
 
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