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2009 Shows

 
(Original Air Date: 10/01/09) When it comes to bullying, it’s no longer just a boy’s world -- more and more girls are becoming aggressors and victims. Ever since the third grade, Rebekah, 14, says she has been a constant target for bullying from her female classmates and wants to know how to not let them get to her. And, as a parent, what are the warning signs to look for? How can you protect your daughter’s self-esteem? Jay McGraw, author of Life Strategies for Dealing with Bullies, gives his top tips. Then, a former bully explains how she became a mean girl. Could you be unintentionally teaching your child how to torment another? Plus, Dr. Phil speaks with the mother of a sixth-grade girl targeted in a video her classmates made called “The Top Six Ways to Kill Piper.” How are schools responding to these reports of bullying? If you’re raising a girl, today’s show is a must see! Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.
Comments
Replied By: nowbreathe on Jan 9, 2011, 8:04PM - In reply to ocarole
Wow, my heart goes out to you and I am sorry you had to deal with losing your child! Being a mother of a small child I only hope and pray that when he starts school he won't be bullied. I was bullied when I was a kid all the way up until high school because my eyes moved a little and I had low vision. So, I completely understand how I wish people and the Police would have taken bullying seriously back then. I did want to hurt myself especially because of the lack of love I felt at home, so it was hard for others to understand. So, I just wanted to share my message and May God Bless you and your Daughter RIP.
 
Replied By: nowbreathe on Jan 9, 2011, 7:56PM
I just saw the recent show on DR. Phil about Bullying, and it is an UGLY THING!!!! I would like to say Bullying is not just aimed at Gay and transsexual individuals but people with small or large disabilities get bullied ALL THE TIME! I know cuz I have a disability  (where ur eyes move alil bit more than someone with "normal" eyes. This is such a small thing but apparently bothered kids in my schools' all 6 of them. Even to this day at the age of 34 there are teenagers in my neighborhood Germantown,  MD that always have something un-nice to say! However, it hurts less when ur a mature adult and I know I could kick-there butts! In sum, I hope that anyone  is being bullied to know that it is hard but telling someone and with the legal matters today it can go away, because people take it more serious today. And don't let ANYONE tell you your not BEAUTIFUL! Those who bully have it either bad at home or bullied by someone else and take it out on you. everyone who has something mean to say are jealous and have low-self esteem. Being and adult with soooo much experience on the subject and lived through the aftermath knows these are facts. Take Care and Spiritually be well!
 
Replied By: ocarole on Oct 3, 2010, 1:17PM
I wish that bullying was recognized years ago. My 14 year old daughter took her life to escape it 25 years ago. I can't tell you how painful it still is. She was quite tall, almost a head taller than the boys so she was teased and bullied. Then she watched a documentary on teen suicide (at her friends without my knowledge). They portrayed several teens attempting suicide but most of them were saved/caught before death ensued. It gave a recipe for attention getting, basically. My daughter obviously didn't think she would die. Police investigation showed that she had made all sorts of plans for the next day and week....even set her alarm clock. They also said that the teen suicide attempts greatly increased after that documentary aired.
I wanted to talk to teens back then about bullying as well as playing at suicide but the school just wouldn't allow it. So sad that my daughter and many others have been victims of bullying as well as irresponsible television. She would be 40 this year. I was robbed of grandchildren as well as her laughter. I will be this sad for the rest of my life.
 
Replied By: blanss on Apr 23, 2010, 10:06AM
Today I saw the girl world show in Holland. When I was younger I was both.. I was a bullie and I've been bullied.. I was afraid to go to class everyday. The worst part was that nobody believed me because I was a bullie myself! I had nowhere to go with my own frustration and fear.. I am sorry for the hurt I've caused and for the hurt I've felt.. For everybody who's being bullied at this time, It's not you! It's them!! Try to find a little piece of mind, try to see the good things in life and most of all, keep talking to adults, teachers, parents, somebody! Make sure that you're being heard!!
To Rebekah, I wish you all the best.. If you want to talk just go to my page!
To Dr. Phil, keep up the good work! I love your show and I try to watch it as much as possible!
To everybody else, I'm sorry if my English isn't perfect!

Take care, Blanche!
 
Replied By: brat87 on Jan 4, 2010, 7:15PM
I saw this show today (In australia, shows are a little behind).

I just want to say to Rebekah, I've been where you are, I dreaded going to school EVERY day, for the fact that I was teased so much, and it was about things that I had no control over!

For example, the scars I have on my face, my weight, my clothes, just about everything you could imagine.

Every school has these so called "popular" girls, and you know what, in 10 years, they will mean nothing, they will be nothing, and Karma will dish whats coming to them!

Rebekah, you are a smart, caring, wonderful girl, and my heart goes out to you during this rough time.

But to show you there is a little light at the end of the tunnnel,

I stuck it out, I graduated school, and moved away, I am now working full time for Australia's largest telecommunications company, I have a wonderful caring partner, I own a House and my own car, I have the most delightful and caring friends and I do modelling part time. I can proudly say, I have become successful...

And as for the "pretty" and mean horrible girls I went to school with that made my life a living hell everyday.. They  still live in my home country town, and they have nothing to show for themselves.

Sweetie, believe in yourself, deep down, you know you are not any of the things these girls call you, and they say these things to you, because these are their own insecurities, and they feel the need to bring someone else down to give them their own ego boost.

I will be more than happy to exchange my own High School Horror stories with you privately, and tell you how I used them to become the person I am today, simply let me know.

Chin up darlin, be proud of who you are, and don't let no one bring you down.

xxx


 
Replied By: barb110664 on Dec 29, 2009, 6:48AM
i was also bullied all through school. i remember one day i came home and told my mom that these girls had me cornered in the hallway and i didnt know what to do. she told me that it takes 2 to tango. i will never forget those words. it didnt take 2. i didnt do anything to those girls at all to deserve what i got.
a few days later i told people in school that i wouldnt be back the next day. i just wanted my life to end. i remember how hard it was going back to school the next day because my attempt to kill myself didnt work.
 
Replied By: bchapman21 on Dec 28, 2009, 7:40PM

Dr Phil,
I watch your show faithfully daily, Usually the one at night, because I work duriing the day. I know the night shows are prerecorded from previous shows.  Some time I just have to comment because it hits close to home. My daughter is 148 years old now and graduated this  in May 2009. She started being bullied when she was in junior high.  It was so bad that she would stay in during the recess time ( not called recess anymore for jr hi/hi school) for 2 weeks before I found out. She confided in a teacher and didnot want the teacher to tell me or the principal. She was truly scared of these kids. I was home from work one day when she got off the bus crying. she finally told me and I went straight up to school.  Of course I was told they could not do anything because they didnot see anything happening and could not take my childs word for what they were doing to her. they would hit her, push her and do other things to her. After about the 3rd time  a teacher finally saw the girls hit my daughter and suspended her, This stil went on because the girl suspended got the other girls in the group to now hit and bully my daughter.
I finally had  to go to the sherriffs offiice and press charges.
I did put nothing was ever done to these girls.
It was all I could do to get my daughter to finish school. The schools were we live  you have to be in the click, meaning if you are not rich enough, not popular, not a sports person or cheerleader, or if you are too fat  whatever it is the teacher, principals and piears look down on the rest of the kids. I have had to go up to school on more than one occasion. My daughter wears her feelings on her sleeve. 
She was suspended several time because the other girls would pick on her and after awhile she would say something back because she had finally gotten enough. I  know exactly how this girl on the show I saw today feels, because I know what  my daughter went thru.
I am so glad my daught finally graduated. HIgh school kids are so mean and cruel. It is really hard out there for teenagers who donot get  involved with the click.
I feel for her. OK I just wanted to vent and tellher to hang in there and just worry about finishing school
My daughter now has trouble trusting people and doesnot really have any friends.
I am so glad she did finish school but it was a struggle everyday.
thank you for your time
Brenda  in Lousiana
 
Replied By: debsola on Dec 28, 2009, 9:46AM
I was bullied as a teen, and even though I had a strong group of friends, there was always someone who make it their purpose in life to make me feel terrible.  Due to this, I have a terrible body image, and struggle everyday with the inner feeling of not being perfect.

I always am looking at myself so critically, and never seem to measure up to what I believe others would want to see.  When around new groups of people, I feel that they are judging me, when I know perfectly well that they are not.

I have been married almost 25 years, and our relationship is strong, So why should I have these problems?

This comes from those inner voices always telling me that I was inferior in some way.

Girls, don't fall victim to the goal of 'fitting in'.  Find one good friend, and thats all you ever need!  Dont be afraid to tell a school administrator about the bullying, Very often it can be handled without the victim ever being mentioned.  Typically, if someone if bullying one person, most likely there are more!

Every person is beautiful, and has great gifts to give to the world.  Find inner peace, and you will be better prepared for the stress of high school.

Schools should do more to educate teachers, parents and students on how bullying effects so many lives.  The impact of this show on me when was people in the audience stood up, you could see how often bullying happens in our world.  Seeing that was truly eye opening.

I have two teenage boys who have both experienced bullying to some degree.  As a parent, I have worked hard to build their self image and how to handle the situations appropriately.  Yet I still believe my youngest has scars that he just cannot shake.

Thank you Dr Phil for bringing this to the forefront, of hope more can be done to help with this topic.
 
Replied By: monachin54 on Dec 25, 2009, 11:27PM
Having been bullied as a young child, I was determined I would find a way to stop it for the rest of my life if I saw a child suffer as I did.  After raising 5 children, I am now raising a granddaughter.  Today's girls are so much worse, but they can be stopped.  Parents must take the necessary steps because children cannot stop it alone

My granddaughter belonged to a cheerleading team and one of the girls was definitely a bully.  She took turns picking out victims and the rest followed her.   The bullying began on the cell phone with text messages of mean comments, then threats.  This was all done to entertain a group of girls at a pajama party. Contacting the girl's mother was a waste of time, as the apple didn't fall far from the tree.  Her mother bragged about how tough her daughter was.

It then moved into the school as she was followed, teased and tormented.  During cheerleading, the bully managed to lose her grip and let my granddaughter fall during a stunt, causing a minor injury.  The coach viewed the video tape and could see her actually let go. 

Finally, I found out that  rather than confront the bullies, the school administration was aware and their reaction was to walk her to the bus to keep her safe!  

When I called the principal, he was too busy to get to the issue and told me he would "look into it".  The following day I called the principal and made him aware that the law states that a SAFE environment MUST be provided for education and school policy forbids any bully behavior.  Therefore, she would not be returning to school until he could assure me that the girls had been confronted and punished per the school policy and the environment was safe.  He was furious and told me not to tell him how to run HIS school.   I informed him that it was MY school and I would contact my School Board.

I called every member of the Board of Education that day, finding them at their day jobs or at home.  By the end of the day a meeting was called and the girls were questioned and suspensions were issued for the ringleader.  The girls were suspended from the cheerleading team and ultimately 3 of them quit. 
Immediately the ringleader's mother took her out of the school and transferred her to a new school!  She would not allow her "tough" daughter to return to school to face the consequences of her actions.  However, the remaining girls began to apologize and agree that  they didn't know why they had followed her. 

If a parent does not get a response from the school, they MUST continue until they reach someone who will listen.  Students must have consequences to their actions or they will not stop.  Once they realize that the "NO BULLY" policy is real, they will stop.
 
Replied By: richsifu on Dec 24, 2009, 2:20AM - In reply to pamom41
Hi..I read your comment and going to the school never really helps because they can't dictate or control the behavior of the kids, only the parents can if they ever find out.

What it comes down to is your daughter HAS to gain the confidence to stand up to them AND know that YOU get where she's coming from. If you were never picked on as a kid yourself like that then it can be very hard to impossible to really relate.

Here is what I posted of my own experiences and my dauhters as well.. hopefully this will help you some as all the nicey, nice solutions offered on the show are really only temporary band aid, feel good for the moment solutions. The only real way to stop agression is with equal aggression. In this passive, talk it out/use diplomacy feminist society people want to delude themselves into thinking that doing that is "uncivilized", "mean" or "primitive"...well guess what... SO IS BULLYING and using anything LESS on someone with such a MEAN EVIL Spirit..for that IS what it IS.. only sends the signal that the person is a wimp, scared, weakling and therefore they think the victim "deserves" the bullying!!

Get your child into some self defense classes...GOOD ONES that will at LEAST give her the confidence to know that she can do something IF needed... not that she may ever have to and it DOESN'T mean that you advocating that...but knowing that you can defend yourself physically DOES HELP one to defend themselves MENTALLY as well and that will give her an extra "mental shield" to be able to deal with the verbal and emotional abuse for that is of course exactly what it IS!!

Here is my post.. hope it helps you both!!

The advice on the show was all fine and dandy...but ultimately it was more about the feminine "validation and support" type designed to TRY and boost the girls self esteem than giving her any REAL WORLD solutions!!

The only good thing is that at least she's learning martial arts..sort of..and that will do the MOST towards giving her a type of mental shield agaist the comments and looks.

Have been severly bullied and picked on myself from 1st to 9th grade and having started learning only world Gung-fu in 9th grade privately from a friend I can tell you that is the ONLY thing that made the real difference, not because I fought anyone though I ended up having some skirmishes, but because the confidence giving helped you to resist it in your mind by thinking "Your nothing, I can kick you a** whenever I want so inside your laughing. It still bothers you, but it begins the healing process because one of the worst things is the feeling of powerlessness while it's all happening from all around you and you feel as though you can't do anything about it.

I have a daughter that became overweight thanks to grandma and her eat, eat, eat obession and started to get called names too, but because I taught her some of my training it gave her the confidence to throw it right back in their faces. I've heard all the ridiculous "ignore them and it will go away, they're just insecure" garbage and Useless advice for decades myself.. it does NOT go away and your passiveness ONLY makes them more AGGRESSIVE because your lack of response is seen as JUSTIFICATION for their abuse because your too "wimpy" to even do anything about it!!

I talked with my daughter all the time about it so she well knew that I understood when I was able to articulate her feelings better than she could. I told her to throw it back first withi snappy comebacks such as "I might be fat, but I can lose weight, your ugly so there is not much hope for you!"..things of that nature.. that coupled with the fact that she was physically very strong and had the confidence, she even became the defender of many of her friends because most knew that she knew some gung-fu/kung-fu and she was very strong and not afriad to throw it back in their faces.

I told her not to start fights at all and the training was ONLY for defense which she followed but when someone said something to her or one of her friends she was not going to back down and while she still gets comments here and there and she is losing weight too she just says now "Yeah, I'm fat..so what..deal with it..next comment!!??" or she says "what..is that all your pathetic pea brain operating on 2 watts of power can come up with???"...Again it directs the aggressive energy and insult back at the attacker and other often laugh, which makes the aggressor feel stupid and less likely to start with her again.

She has gotten many of them to leave her alone like this because they realized she was not going to roll over and play dead, was not afriad to say something back or even back it up with force. If they said something like..yeah leave her alone or she'll sit on you she would say NO...I have skills because my dad taught me how to fight and take care of myself" Others would back it up then say yeah, leave her alone... she's strong and can fight and it was enough to eventually scare the girls off to find easier prey...as that is what Satan does when confronted.. finds an easier victim.

I've had similar results in my own experiences too as I had to throw it back in the face of the aggressors and once I did that a few times they eventually left me alone and I had virtually no problems in high school as I continued to train every day from then on for the past 25 years now.

The bullies themselves are very insecure and are MORE concerned about looking cool with the "in crowd" and fitting in with their peers than any sensitivity they might have for the victims feelings. This is why people will do such to others because it's mostly about fitting in with their peers and going to teachers or having the school get involved is going to do NOTHING because they can't dictate or control what the kids do. The parents of those girls or boys that are bullying are the only ones that have a chance to stop it. If the school tries to do anything it only makes it worse on the victim either before or after school or now with the web they can just get you that way on all the various networking sites.

In this feminist type brainwashed culture people want to think that just talking about everything IS the solution.. talking NEVER solves anything because IF a person COULD be persuaded with talking alone then they never would have even gotten to the point of bullying in the first place. The only time talking alone works is when it's BACKED UP with the intention or theat of violence. Often times you don't have to DO the violence, as long as the aggressors THINKS  that you WILL back it up with violence or force, often times that is enough to earn the RESPECT of the bully or at least make them realize your no pushover and a great majority of the time that's enough to get them to leave you alone and find easier prey!
 
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