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Whether you're a biological mom, stepmom, god mom, adoptive parent, working woman or stay-at-home mom, Dr. Phil wants to hear from you! This forum was created for mothers from all walks of life to share their parenting concerns and tips, marriage dilemmas, work woes and any other issue impacting your daily life. Speak up now!
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Comments
Replied By: mickeygrin on Aug 22, 2012, 9:18AM
My daughter came to me a few months ago and said "oh, me and J are dating".  I just figured they would break up soon because after all J is 15 and he will find someone else soon.  Well, here we are today 4 months later and no break up.  This would all be ok if this boy was just a friend at school but no, he has to live literally right across the STREET!  So my husband and I put limits on their time and activities.  They cannot go out of our yard, they have to be within eye sight, etc.  They began to just sit on my front porch, then it led to cuddling and holding etc.  My husband and I put a stop to that because that was all they would do...sit and cuddle.  This boy isn't a horrible person (yeah he's 15 and almost 16 doing normal boy things).  He gets in trouble at school a little but nothing real serious  (drugs, alcohol etc.)  It's just, I have a problem with how controlling they are (both of them) and how demanding my daughter has become.  I feel like they are both settling because it's easy.  We had thought about telling my daughter that she cannot "date" him anymore but I feel like that would just push her closer to him and then she would sneak out and possibly even run away with him (heaven forbid).  She is on a break right now... that is what we decided to try... she can be friends with him, but no kissing, holding hands, or even sitting by one another. Plus time has been drastically cut. She tells us that we can't make her break up with him and I am just at a loss.  I just want my daughter to be a "normal" 13 year old. I just want her to see that there are plenty of fish in the sea and that now isn't the time to be "hooked" to one boy... and that she is missing out on so much fun with friends and so much more! If she had her way, she would just sit and cuddle with him all day every day... and he's ok with that because he" loves her so much".  


I NEED ADVICE!!! PLEASE HELP!

 
Replied By: augustchild on Jul 17, 2012, 5:26AM
I really don't know what title to use.  My daughter just won't mind her own business.  Where to start.  She just recently started talking to a friend of her 21 yr old sister.  She told this friend why her sister didn't want to get involved with him and so on.  Her sister is now furious.  The sister relationship is pretty bad.  The 16 yr old constantly takes the others clothes, jewelry, etc without asking and then acts as though she did nothing wrong.  The 21 yr old now locks her items in a bin in her room (pretty sad).  The 16 yr old constantly tattle tales on the 21 yr old and the 21 yr old never has thrown the 16 yr old under the bus.  The 21 yr old has graduated college and is moving out and on with her career in a month so those things should cease (I hope) but it still doesn't stop the fact that the 16 yr old wont stop this behavior.  it has been going on fo for years and has caused so many issues with the family.  She acts as though oh well..like nothing she does is a problem.  Her lies and butting in have reached every aspect of her life to include school.  There were a couple of people that were concerned about their friends behavior at parties and my daughter decided she was concerned too even though she didn't hang with these friends and wasn't part of the partying.  Now everyone in school thinks she turned them in to the school officials.  Even though she wasn't the one who turned in names or pictures she still got involved with something that was NONE of her business.  I've tried grounding for as much as a week and I've tried counseling, threatening with taking everything away, etc.  I know that i am not handling this right but I am so frustrated with her behavior and her obvious attitude that she really doesn't think in her mind she does anything wrong. 
 
Replied By: ahilen on Jun 9, 2012, 8:58PM
Ongoing Nightmares!! Someone help me with this...any advice would be much appreciated!

My name is April. My wonderful 9 year old son has been having reaccuring nightmares for over a year now. He doesn't want to sleep by himself in his room. I live with my now divorced mom and he always wants to sleep with her (sleeping in my bed is not an option.) 

When I try to get him to sleep in his bed he gets very emotional and cries. I pray with him to try to comfort him but it doesn't help. He lives in a very positive christian family home. He has not had any tramatic life events in his life. He is from a divorced family but his father is an awesome dad that is very involved.

He's never really liked sleeping by himself. I have struggled with it since he was born. But I want him to conquer this. He is the sweetest child you would ever meet with such a loving heart for God. If anyone has any advice I would be very grateful!



Thanks,

April
 
Replied By: ellykai on Jun 3, 2012, 1:51PM
first off all, i will be saying sorry, i'm from holland so my Englisch is not that great.

I'm 23 year old mom off 2 great kids. my son is 2 and my daughter 5 months.
2 things i have learned in my short motherhood. When i was pregnant with my son i was a student. People blamed me for not spending enough time with him.


Well when he would go to the daycare, i would take the time in te morning to play with him, hugg him and kiss him. Stay 20 minutes in the daycare wachting him play with his friends.
After daycare it was all about time with me, my boyfriend and or son.
I knew my son, nothing passed me by. Yes, his first steps were in daycare, but the second are still on my phone, very proud.

What i allways so have i a video, me getting my diploma, with my son on my lap and my boyfriend behind me. I felt bad at some off the time but that video makes me proud.

I can say to my kids, go to school, so you can work and make you dreams come true.

When i got pregnant from my daughter, i was kicked out off college.
So i no choice to be a stay at home mom. You might think a lot off time with the kids.
No!! A lot off cleaning after my son. It was winter so not enough to do outside. So my son did not get enough energy out of his system. Crying, me telling him wait the whole time.

So 6 months later i can say, i had more usefull time when i was not a stay at home mom with my kids then befor.
Yes i made long days, slept like 5 hours tops, but as a stay at home mom i allways felt bad, that i did not do something like, color with my son.

While as a student i would sit down and draw with him.
So i'm going back to college, they allready going to daycare. When i bring my son, he just run to all of his friend with out saying good bye. My daughter just looks at me like 'you still standing there'.

When people give me 'advice' with out me asking. I just say what i have learned. When my mom raised me, she had a whole suport system. Grandparents, friend with kids, other family members and neighbers.

In this time, my mother is happy she is happy that she haves free time, my father well he never saw my daughter and my son 6 times. We as people don't look after other kids. So it is unfair to look down on parents that bring kids to daycare. I'm struggeling now in how i'm gonna pay my school, bills and take off my childeren. But i have to do it, so when 41 i can breath, knowing i can put my kids tru school.

Is my sister in law, who keeps saying 'i cry for your childeren'. I just wanna slap her, becaus she is forgetting i help her son with mat, dutch lessons and everything she fails to as a mom.
I'm not saying she is a bad mom, but i feel like long term i should be able to help my kids with home work. I should understand what they are doing in school.

I know i'm 23 and i choose to be a mom at my age. I'mvery happy, looking at my kids i know they are very happy. I'm not selling them short, they have everything they need. And 4 years from now they will be standing with me when i'm finaly done with school. Proud, becaus my kids and my boyfriend at they are my support. And i have found my way in being a mom.
 
Replied By: maryshanonp on Jun 1, 2012, 12:42AM - In reply to bubbles081972
I am a single mother of 3 ages 14, 13, and 9 - 2 boys and 1 girl. My daughter is the oldest. My daughter and my oldest son have the same father. The reason I am up at 3am is because it is peaceful - everyone is sleeping and I was researching attempting to find some useful tips on how to handle some of the explosive situations that I am dealing with involving my 13 year old son. I am a full time student as well at a local community college and if everything goes as planned I will be graduating from there soon, fall quarter will be my last quarter and hopefully I will be attending one of the nursing program that I have been applying to but I have been actually thinking that my son is attempting to do everything in his power to make that not happen. I had to take one of the hardest classes this quarter and it is a class that my grade has a lot to do with me getting in the nursing program anywhere. I am already a L.P.N. and i attempting to get either my associates or bachelors degree in science for nursing so that I will be working as a R.N. anyways, my oldest son has a very volitile temper. He is very explosive about everything and it isnt because he is a teenager and his hormones are out of balance, he has always been quick tempered and demanded a lot of attention. It is just worse now it seems. I explained to them at the beginning of this past quarter how important it was for me to study and that it was a little different for me returning back to college after more than ten years. It seems as if my daughter is very understanding and supportive of me and she will tell me that she will do certain chores around the house because I need to study. My sons on the other hand are different, I can be studying for an exam - more specifically I was studying for midterms and the two of them wanted to go to the local animal shelter to look at puppies and I told them that I couldn't take them but I would see about it after I completed my exams and both of them stormed out of the room slamming the door, slamming cabinet doors, and basically any door that would open and close. They made so much noise that I couldn't study. They would fight so much, I mean literally fight - most of it is instigated by the oldest son and a lot of times the youngest is defending or protecting himself so he won't get hurt. Anyways, we were taking finals this week and my final in my anatomy and physiology was Wednesday night. Well, everyday when I would sit down and study they would fight and fuss to the point that I would have to wait until 11 or so at night to study and then not go to bed until 3 or 4 and turn around and get back up at 6am so I could study until they got up and started at it again. Well, Wednesday I didn't have to be at school to take my final until 6pm and of course they had been at it all day but when 5pm got here they started fighting to the point that I had to physically seperate them several times and then it was rough that my mother didn't feel comfortable keeping them for me. I ended up missing my exam and now I have to petition the school board so that I will be allowed to take my final exam so I can pass the class and get credit for it. I was so upset, crying that I told them that they had won that I wasn't going to be going back to school that I just gave up. They fight so much and my oldest son is so hateful to me and abusive to the youngest son that I have been so upset that I literally cry myself to sleep at night. I never thought that I would never be able to control and discipline my kids. I know that this wasn't any advice but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone because I know how it feels and most of the time you do feel alone. I know I have, I don't have much support of any kind from my 2 oldest kids father and I don't have any at all from the youngest son's father - ZERO. I hope that your situation gets better as I do for mine as well! I am here to talk if you need it!
Sincerely,
Mary Shanon  
 
Replied By: shecutsit on May 31, 2012, 10:53PM - In reply to kim_01821
you boy will never respect the laws of the world,  if he is not taught the laws and respect of his home and elders.  he needs to learn conseqence for bad behaviors.
 
Replied By: shecutsit on May 31, 2012, 10:48PM
my husband and i are married and have been together for 2 years. he came into this with a spoiled rotten, rude disrespectful  19 yr old daughter. she now 21 1/2 & still expects hand out of cash, gifts & for him to spend time with her with out me around at all.she refuses to come to our home whats so ever. her proven motive has been get him alone to get more money out of him. there is so much bad behavior out of her i dont have time to type it all. i boils down to her being spoiled and have no respect for anyone what so ever. she is using old  general coments i said on " my" facebook page about disobediant kids as ammo twards me. taking it and running with it for 7 months now. and gult tripping her dad that has showered her with gifts her whole life. that he dosnt love her any more.  her mom gave her 17,000.00 cash from the devorce to put her through collage and now its gone and blown less than a year later she wants more money from dad. i am done the pitty party of hers and can read her like a book. that i believe is why she hates me and calls me white trash etc...    what the heck do we do? i think tell her to come around when she can acept reality and don't give in ???? please give us some feed back. this is taking a toll on our relationship.
 
Replied By: kim_01821 on May 31, 2012, 12:10PM
Before having children my husband and I seemed to be totally on the same page as to what kind of parents we wanted to be and how we would raise our children. Now that we have a 3 year old son and a new one on the way it seems like we are completely opposite. It is to the point that I don't like the way that our child behaves when we are all together so I find myself dreading family time.

I am a pretty strict parent. I have clear boundries with very little tolerance and always follow through with consequences. I find that our son is very well behaved most of the time for me and listens to me. I don't put up with temper tantrums or whinning and I tend to use spanking or time outs for discipline depending on the severity of the situation.

My husband is a very leniant parent. He babies our son and often gives him what he wants to diffuse a stressfull situation. When our son whines to him or throws a temper tantrum he usually gets his way. I very rarely see or hear of him giving our son a spanking and when my husband puts our son in time out he will sit with him and try and console or calm him down during the time out. When ever we are in a store and our son is acting up my husband will buy him to make him happy and try and prevent a temper tantrum.....in my eyes this is rewarding him for the bad behavior.

We have had many discussions on these issues and it seems like nothing is helping. I can't seem to get my husband to understand what he is doing wrong..............Please, any advice will help!
 
Replied By: bubbles081972 on May 19, 2012, 1:00PM
I am a single mother of 3. 2 boys and one girl. The oldest is 15 then it is 12, and my daughter is 9. I stay home except to go to college each semester. About a week ago my 12 year old started getting verbally, and physically abusive towards me and he never used to be like that. I have been kicked to the point of huge bruises on my leg, and knees. I have been bitten about 3-4 times in the last week again I have bruises due to the bites. I have contacted the police and they did nothing basicaly because of his age. My son has services in the home and they don't know what else to do and that is not because they aren't trying they are just running out of options and we have tried alot of things. I shake all the time now and that is no fun. My children's father used to be abusive to me as well but they have not seen their dad for years and he passed away in 2007. I need some advice if anyone has gone through this or may just have any advice. Thanks Rachael
 
Replied By: cheryl5252 on Apr 18, 2012, 6:50AM
No matter if your a working mom or stay at home mom it's your job to keep your kids safe and it's there job just to be a KID. I was both a working and stay at home mom when they were little. I'm now almost 65 years old and have raised my own children and foster children and we only get one chance to make it work. Give them all the love you can because soon they grow up and it's a tough world out here. Lot's of hugs and kisses and read them good books every night before you tuck them in. I made mistakes...
Love,
Mom
 
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