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2009 Shows
July 23, 2009
(Original Air Date: 11/18/03) Dr. Phil turns the spotlight on a family in serious crisis. They seemed perfect from the outside, but behind closed doors, bad choices, deceit and a teen pregnancy are tearing them apart. Meet Martin and Erin, and their two daughters, Alexandra and Katherine. During this season-long series, Dr. Phil goes in-depth and one on one with this family in crisis. He starts them on the long road to recovery by focusing on their most crucial issue: a pregnant teenage daughter and helps them rebuild their shattered lives one at a time.
Find out what happened on the show.
Find out what happened on the show.
25 Comments
(Last: Nov 14, 09, 7:19PM)
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Replied By: hangininthere on Nov 14, 2009, 7:19PM
i feel empathy for alex i hear the same tone in erins voice as when she was calling alex a slut when they first came on the show erin has an air of arrogance
and it seems to me alex is choosing the lesser of two evils when she is with the men in her life
alex seems beat down
and i think her real relationship issue with katherine is that katherine is thick skinned and acts like erin
I TOTALLY BELIEVE THAT ERIN IS DIFFERENT BEHIND CLOSED DOORS AND IS STILL RESENTFULL FOR ALEXANDRA RUINING HER PERFECT LIFE and she would help alexes ex get custody because it helps her hold on to the I TOLD YOU SO ATTITUDE
and it seems to me alex is choosing the lesser of two evils when she is with the men in her life
alex seems beat down
and i think her real relationship issue with katherine is that katherine is thick skinned and acts like erin
I TOTALLY BELIEVE THAT ERIN IS DIFFERENT BEHIND CLOSED DOORS AND IS STILL RESENTFULL FOR ALEXANDRA RUINING HER PERFECT LIFE and she would help alexes ex get custody because it helps her hold on to the I TOLD YOU SO ATTITUDE
Replied By: cadescove99 on Oct 19, 2009, 2:12PM - In reply to alicebluegown
Erin replied to a similar question on another board. She'd taken Katherine to a number of doctors who still haven't pinpointed the problem. But, they think it might be kidney stones.
Replied By: alicebluegown on Oct 6, 2009, 7:07AM
I watched yesterdays show about Katherine and her boyfriend. Katherine commented that she couldn't get a job because her health is so bad. Does anyone know what is wrong with Katherine. I watch Dr. Phil everyday and I can't recall hearing that she was ill. I don't think that Katherine and her boyfriend are serious about changing anything about their relationship. I broke my heart to see Erin so sad and upset. I wish I could communicate to Katherine just how much her mother has her best interest at heart. I wish I would have listened more to my mother at that age. I tuned my mother out when she tried to counsel me about my choices in life. Today I am regretting that I didn't give any credence to my mother's suggestions. In hindsight I can see clearly how no one cares like your mother does. Does anyone have an answer about Katherine's heaolth? Thanks for listening.
Replied By: cornvillelady on Jul 30, 2009, 9:39AM
I was very young the first time I had sex. I am very lucky that I didn't end up with a child. I truely beleive that all children should wait sex changes everything. At 14,15 even into your early twenties you don't understand a lot of things. For me it was like sex kept the boyfriend. I didn't understand a lot of things and kept breaking up with my boyfriend that was in the service. Today there is a lot out there so the young teens really can get help. I wasn't doing it to stay with the cool group, I was a loner and it just happened and I felt I truley loved him. Every time he went back to the Navy, about a month later I would break up with him, then he would come home we would get back together. This went on for 4 years even when he came home. The he got killed in an auto accident. I am still woundering today if we hand't had sex would things have been different.
Replied By: tbablb on Jul 25, 2009, 5:06PM
We received an update on how older sister is now married with a baby girl. Did Katherine get to go to Harvard?
Replied By: fromthemts on Jul 24, 2009, 2:13PM
I apologize for the double posting below; I was having difficulty getting it submitted!
Replied By: fromthemts on Jul 24, 2009, 12:57PM
This was the first time I had seen this show. I am glad to know this family was able to work through their issues and life has turned out much better for them.
From the beginning of this program, I was immediately struck at how differently this situation impacted this family from our own. They had a much rougher go of it than we did. Nearly 13 years ago, our 18 year old daughter became pregnant at the beginning of her senior year of high school. My husband’s and my marriage however, was very strong and I am so thankful that was the case. I wonder how differently our situation may have been if our daughter was as young as Alexandra was. I was appalled though at the blame game going on between Martin and Erin. We had other hopes for our daughter’s future, too, but what’s done is done; from that point you must keep moving forward. We had discussions and long talks with all of our children on this topic and discussions about how this situation was likely to affect students in their school who had become pregnant in previous years. I think as a result, our daughter was terrified to tell us. She thought we would disown her and kick her out of the house. Every time she worked up the courage to tell us she would chicken out. Our eldest daughter had graduated two years prior and had just purchased her first home just across town from us. Her younger sister shared her secret with her and of course, wanted to help her. The two made plans for her to move in with her older sister.
We live in a small community and my husband heard a rumor. Just days before, I did a double take as I watched our daughter leave for school one morning. I thought, “Is it me, or is her body shape changing?” When my husband came home he told me about the rumor he’d heard, I shared with him my surprise double glance at our daughter a few mornings before. We confronted her immediately when she came home that day from her after school job.
She began to cry and the first words out of her mouth were, “I didn’t do this to hurt you guys; this is my fault.” My husband reached out for her hand and led her to a nearby chair and sat down with her on his lap. He put his arms around her and told her how much he loved her. I asked her what her plans were and she replied that she and her boyfriend who had graduated the year before wanted to marry. He had enlisted in the Navy during his senior year of high school and was away at training school. I found myself saying , “Well, I guess we’re having a wedding, then.” Her situation was revealed to us on Thanksgiving Day. Shortly after our talk with her I went to dress for Thanksgiving dinner. I got into the shower and had myself a good cry. That was the first and only time I cried. My initial feeling was, “Where did I fail?” But shortly after that came feelings of, “O.K., the plan has changed now.” Or, “We’re on a different path now, where do we go from here? Our daughter was very fortunate in that her boyfriend wanted to marry her and be responsible for the baby. They were fortunate that he had an income and benefits to care for their family.
I was not concerned a single minute about myself or our image in the community. I am a deep, deep believer in that it is not what happens to you (and even perhaps, what you are able to keep from happening to you) that matters, but how you handle the things that DO happen to you that matters—good or bad. These kinds of situations are our tests in life and they are truly tests of our character, our strength, our love not just for family but in many cases, for others.
We continue to be examples to our children long after they reach their adulthood. Our ability to cope with challenging issues can teach our children how to in turn handle the problems they will face and affect how they deal with problems with their own children.
Our daughter was married during Christmas break exactly 30 days to the day after we learned she was pregnant. She and her new husband planned that she would remain home and finish school and after graduation and the baby’s birth—her due date was the day her graduation ceremony was to take place, she would move to San Diego where he would be stationed. That plan did not work out as smoothly as they had hoped. Our new son-in-law soon learned that he was being shipped overseas just two months after the baby would be born. He and our daughter wanted to have time to be together before he left. The plan, they decided would have to change. She accelerated her studies and finished school in the spring. Right after that we moved her and her things to San Diego where they rented a small apartment near the Naval base. To distract her on the day she would have walked with her class, her husband took her shopping for a new crib for the baby.
My husband and I attended the graduation ceremony she was to have participated in. We were close to many, many kids in her class. I thought that would be very hard for me to see, that perhaps this would be the second time I lost it and I wouldn’t have the privacy of my shower to do it in! I did better than I thought; it was O.K. During the ceremony, I thought all about my daughter and how she found her life to be quite different than she or we had predicted. But I felt happy for her in that she worked hard for a solution to the situation she created and came up with an alternative plan that she was devoted to.
A couple of days after the graduation I flew to San Diego. The baby was a week overdue. I watched our first grandchild being born as our son-in-law helped our daughter through the labor and delivery.
Their marriage lasted five years. About the time of their tenth anniversary, our daughter finalized their divorce. Our grandson turned 12 years old last month. He is a tremendous joy to our entire family. He has frequent visits with his dad. Our daughter was determined that he get to know his dad and understand him. Our grandson refers to both his dad and our daughter’s long time boyfriend as “Dad.” He is and may remain an only child. He is however, very close to his cousins. We now have ten grandchildren. Our daughter is now 31 years old. She has supported our grandson entirely on her own since she separated from her husband. A time or two we have given her a small amount of money to help her. Three years ago she learned that she had cervical cancer and had two surgeries and treatments. She has health insurance but even the portion of her doctor bills that were her responsibility wiped out her savings. That was one of the times we helped her. Through all that she maintained her job and took less than a week of sick leave. She did not tell our grandson she had cancer because she did not want to worry about losing her. He just knew Mommy was very sick. One day I asked her when she was shortly out of the hospital the second time, how she was able to do what she is doing and she replied, “I have to for my son.” If I can do this, he will learn he can do it.”
From the beginning of this program, I was immediately struck at how differently this situation impacted this family from our own. They had a much rougher go of it than we did. Nearly 13 years ago, our 18 year old daughter became pregnant at the beginning of her senior year of high school. My husband’s and my marriage however, was very strong and I am so thankful that was the case. I wonder how differently our situation may have been if our daughter was as young as Alexandra was. I was appalled though at the blame game going on between Martin and Erin. We had other hopes for our daughter’s future, too, but what’s done is done; from that point you must keep moving forward. We had discussions and long talks with all of our children on this topic and discussions about how this situation was likely to affect students in their school who had become pregnant in previous years. I think as a result, our daughter was terrified to tell us. She thought we would disown her and kick her out of the house. Every time she worked up the courage to tell us she would chicken out. Our eldest daughter had graduated two years prior and had just purchased her first home just across town from us. Her younger sister shared her secret with her and of course, wanted to help her. The two made plans for her to move in with her older sister.
We live in a small community and my husband heard a rumor. Just days before, I did a double take as I watched our daughter leave for school one morning. I thought, “Is it me, or is her body shape changing?” When my husband came home he told me about the rumor he’d heard, I shared with him my surprise double glance at our daughter a few mornings before. We confronted her immediately when she came home that day from her after school job.
She began to cry and the first words out of her mouth were, “I didn’t do this to hurt you guys; this is my fault.” My husband reached out for her hand and led her to a nearby chair and sat down with her on his lap. He put his arms around her and told her how much he loved her. I asked her what her plans were and she replied that she and her boyfriend who had graduated the year before wanted to marry. He had enlisted in the Navy during his senior year of high school and was away at training school. I found myself saying , “Well, I guess we’re having a wedding, then.” Her situation was revealed to us on Thanksgiving Day. Shortly after our talk with her I went to dress for Thanksgiving dinner. I got into the shower and had myself a good cry. That was the first and only time I cried. My initial feeling was, “Where did I fail?” But shortly after that came feelings of, “O.K., the plan has changed now.” Or, “We’re on a different path now, where do we go from here? Our daughter was very fortunate in that her boyfriend wanted to marry her and be responsible for the baby. They were fortunate that he had an income and benefits to care for their family.
I was not concerned a single minute about myself or our image in the community. I am a deep, deep believer in that it is not what happens to you (and even perhaps, what you are able to keep from happening to you) that matters, but how you handle the things that DO happen to you that matters—good or bad. These kinds of situations are our tests in life and they are truly tests of our character, our strength, our love not just for family but in many cases, for others.
We continue to be examples to our children long after they reach their adulthood. Our ability to cope with challenging issues can teach our children how to in turn handle the problems they will face and affect how they deal with problems with their own children.
Our daughter was married during Christmas break exactly 30 days to the day after we learned she was pregnant. She and her new husband planned that she would remain home and finish school and after graduation and the baby’s birth—her due date was the day her graduation ceremony was to take place, she would move to San Diego where he would be stationed. That plan did not work out as smoothly as they had hoped. Our new son-in-law soon learned that he was being shipped overseas just two months after the baby would be born. He and our daughter wanted to have time to be together before he left. The plan, they decided would have to change. She accelerated her studies and finished school in the spring. Right after that we moved her and her things to San Diego where they rented a small apartment near the Naval base. To distract her on the day she would have walked with her class, her husband took her shopping for a new crib for the baby.
My husband and I attended the graduation ceremony she was to have participated in. We were close to many, many kids in her class. I thought that would be very hard for me to see, that perhaps this would be the second time I lost it and I wouldn’t have the privacy of my shower to do it in! I did better than I thought; it was O.K. During the ceremony, I thought all about my daughter and how she found her life to be quite different than she or we had predicted. But I felt happy for her in that she worked hard for a solution to the situation she created and came up with an alternative plan that she was devoted to.
A couple of days after the graduation I flew to San Diego. The baby was a week overdue. I watched our first grandchild being born as our son-in-law helped our daughter through the labor and delivery.
Their marriage lasted five years. About the time of their tenth anniversary, our daughter finalized their divorce. Our grandson turned 12 years old last month. He is a tremendous joy to our entire family. He has frequent visits with his dad. Our daughter was determined that he get to know his dad and understand him. Our grandson refers to both his dad and our daughter’s long time boyfriend as “Dad.” He is and may remain an only child. He is however, very close to his cousins. We now have ten grandchildren. Our daughter is now 31 years old. She has supported our grandson entirely on her own since she separated from her husband. A time or two we have given her a small amount of money to help her. Three years ago she learned that she had cervical cancer and had two surgeries and treatments. She has health insurance but even the portion of her doctor bills that were her responsibility wiped out her savings. That was one of the times we helped her. Through all that she maintained her job and took less than a week of sick leave. She did not tell our grandson she had cancer because she did not want to worry about losing her. He just knew Mommy was very sick. One day I asked her when she was shortly out of the hospital the second time, how she was able to do what she is doing and she replied, “I have to for my son.” If I can do this, he will learn he can do it.”
Replied By: fromthemts on Jul 24, 2009, 12:52PM
This was the first time I had seen this show. I am glad to know this family was able to work through their issues and life has turned out much better for them.
From the beginning of this program, I was immediately struck at how differently this situation impacted this family from our own. They had a much rougher go of it than we did. Nearly 13 years ago, our 18 year old daughter became pregnant at the beginning of her senior year of high school. My husband’s and my marriage however, was very strong and I am so thankful that was the case. I wonder how differently our situation may have been if our daughter was as young as Alexandra was. I was appalled though at the blame game going on between Martin and Erin. We had other hopes for our daughter’s future, too, but what’s done is done; from that point you must keep moving forward. We had discussions and long talks with all of our children on this topic and discussions about how this situation was likely to affect students in their school who had become pregnant in previous years. I think as a result, our daughter was terrified to tell us. She thought we would disown her and kick her out of the house. Every time she worked up the courage to tell us she would chicken out. Our eldest daughter had graduated from high school two years prior and had just purchased her first home just across town from us. Her younger sister shared her secret with her and of course, wanted to help her. The two made plans for her to move in with her older sister.
We live in a small community and my husband heard a rumor. Just days before, I did a double take as I watched our daughter leave for school one morning. I thought, “Is it me, or is her body shape changing?” When my husband came home he told me about the rumor he’d heard, I shared with him my surprise double glance at our daughter a few mornings before. We confronted her immediately when she came home that day from her after school job.
She began to cry and the first words out of her mouth were, “I didn’t do this to hurt you guys; this is my fault.” My husband reached out for her hand and led her to a nearby chair and sat down with her on his lap. He put his arms around her and told her how much he loved her. I asked her what her plans were and she replied that she and her boyfriend who had graduated the year before wanted to marry. He had enlisted in the Navy during his senior year of high school and was away at training school. I found myself saying , “Well, I guess we’re having a wedding, then.” Her situation was revealed to us on Thanksgiving Day. Shortly after our talk with her, I went to dress for Thanksgiving dinner. I got into the shower and had myself a good cry. That was the first and only time I cried. My initial feeling was, “Where did I fail?” But shortly after that came feelings of, “O.K., the plan has changed now.” Or, “We’re on a different path now, where do we go from here? Our daughter was very fortunate in that her boyfriend wanted to marry her and be responsible for the baby. They were fortunate that he had an income and benefits to care for their family.
I was not concerned a single minute about myself or our image in the community. I am a deep, deep believer in that it is not what happens to you (and even perhaps, what you are able to keep from happening to you) that matters, but how you handle the things that DO happen to you that matters—good or bad. These kinds of situations are our tests in life and they are truly tests of our character, our strength, our love not just for family but in many cases, for others.
We continue to be examples to our children long after they reach their adulthood. Our ability to cope with challenging issues can teach our children how to in turn handle the problems they will face and affect how they deal with problems with their own children.
Our daughter was married during Christmas break exactly 30 days to the day after we learned she was pregnant. She and her new husband planned that she would remain home and finish school and after graduation and the baby’s birth—her due date was the day her graduation ceremony was to take place, she would move to San Diego where he would be stationed. That plan did not work out as smoothly as they had hoped. Our new son-in-law soon learned that he was being shipped overseas just two months after the baby would be born. He and our daughter wanted to have time to be together before he left. The plan, they decided would have to change. She accelerated her studies and finished school in the spring. Right after that we moved her and her things to San Diego where they rented a small apartment near the Naval base. To distract her on the day she would have walked with her class, her husband took her shopping for a new crib for the baby.
My husband and I attended the graduation ceremony she was to have participated in. We were close to many, many kids in her class. I thought that would be very hard for me to see, that perhaps this would be the second time I lost it and I wouldn’t have the privacy of my shower to do it in! I did better than I thought; it was O.K. During the ceremony, I thought all about my daughter and how she found her life to be quite different than she or we had predicted. But I felt happy for her in that she worked hard for a solution to the situation she created and came up with an alternative plan that she was devoted to.
A couple of days after the graduation I flew to San Diego. The baby was a week overdue. I watched our first grandchild being born as our son-in-law helped our daughter through the labor and delivery.
Their marriage lasted five years. About the time of their tenth anniversary, our daughter finalized their divorce. Our grandson turned 12 years old last month. He is a tremendous joy to our entire family. He has frequent visits with his dad. Our daughter was determined that he get to know his dad and understand him. Our grandson refers to both his dad and our daughter’s long time boyfriend as “Dad.” He is and may remain an only child. He is however, very close to his cousins. We now have ten grandchildren. Our daughter is now 31 years old. She has supported our grandson entirely on her own since she separated from her husband. A time or two we have given her a small amount of money to help her. Three years ago she learned that she had cervical cancer and had two surgeries and treatments. She has health insurance but even the portion of her doctor bills that were her responsibility wiped out her savings. That was one of the times we helped her. Through all that she maintained her job and took less than a week of sick leave. She did not tell our grandson she had cancer because she did not want to worry about losing her. He just knew Mommy was very sick. One day I asked her when she was shortly out of the hospital the second time, how she was able to do what she is doing and she replied, “I have to for my son.” If I can do this, he will learn he can do it.”
From the beginning of this program, I was immediately struck at how differently this situation impacted this family from our own. They had a much rougher go of it than we did. Nearly 13 years ago, our 18 year old daughter became pregnant at the beginning of her senior year of high school. My husband’s and my marriage however, was very strong and I am so thankful that was the case. I wonder how differently our situation may have been if our daughter was as young as Alexandra was. I was appalled though at the blame game going on between Martin and Erin. We had other hopes for our daughter’s future, too, but what’s done is done; from that point you must keep moving forward. We had discussions and long talks with all of our children on this topic and discussions about how this situation was likely to affect students in their school who had become pregnant in previous years. I think as a result, our daughter was terrified to tell us. She thought we would disown her and kick her out of the house. Every time she worked up the courage to tell us she would chicken out. Our eldest daughter had graduated from high school two years prior and had just purchased her first home just across town from us. Her younger sister shared her secret with her and of course, wanted to help her. The two made plans for her to move in with her older sister.
We live in a small community and my husband heard a rumor. Just days before, I did a double take as I watched our daughter leave for school one morning. I thought, “Is it me, or is her body shape changing?” When my husband came home he told me about the rumor he’d heard, I shared with him my surprise double glance at our daughter a few mornings before. We confronted her immediately when she came home that day from her after school job.
She began to cry and the first words out of her mouth were, “I didn’t do this to hurt you guys; this is my fault.” My husband reached out for her hand and led her to a nearby chair and sat down with her on his lap. He put his arms around her and told her how much he loved her. I asked her what her plans were and she replied that she and her boyfriend who had graduated the year before wanted to marry. He had enlisted in the Navy during his senior year of high school and was away at training school. I found myself saying , “Well, I guess we’re having a wedding, then.” Her situation was revealed to us on Thanksgiving Day. Shortly after our talk with her, I went to dress for Thanksgiving dinner. I got into the shower and had myself a good cry. That was the first and only time I cried. My initial feeling was, “Where did I fail?” But shortly after that came feelings of, “O.K., the plan has changed now.” Or, “We’re on a different path now, where do we go from here? Our daughter was very fortunate in that her boyfriend wanted to marry her and be responsible for the baby. They were fortunate that he had an income and benefits to care for their family.
I was not concerned a single minute about myself or our image in the community. I am a deep, deep believer in that it is not what happens to you (and even perhaps, what you are able to keep from happening to you) that matters, but how you handle the things that DO happen to you that matters—good or bad. These kinds of situations are our tests in life and they are truly tests of our character, our strength, our love not just for family but in many cases, for others.
We continue to be examples to our children long after they reach their adulthood. Our ability to cope with challenging issues can teach our children how to in turn handle the problems they will face and affect how they deal with problems with their own children.
Our daughter was married during Christmas break exactly 30 days to the day after we learned she was pregnant. She and her new husband planned that she would remain home and finish school and after graduation and the baby’s birth—her due date was the day her graduation ceremony was to take place, she would move to San Diego where he would be stationed. That plan did not work out as smoothly as they had hoped. Our new son-in-law soon learned that he was being shipped overseas just two months after the baby would be born. He and our daughter wanted to have time to be together before he left. The plan, they decided would have to change. She accelerated her studies and finished school in the spring. Right after that we moved her and her things to San Diego where they rented a small apartment near the Naval base. To distract her on the day she would have walked with her class, her husband took her shopping for a new crib for the baby.
My husband and I attended the graduation ceremony she was to have participated in. We were close to many, many kids in her class. I thought that would be very hard for me to see, that perhaps this would be the second time I lost it and I wouldn’t have the privacy of my shower to do it in! I did better than I thought; it was O.K. During the ceremony, I thought all about my daughter and how she found her life to be quite different than she or we had predicted. But I felt happy for her in that she worked hard for a solution to the situation she created and came up with an alternative plan that she was devoted to.
A couple of days after the graduation I flew to San Diego. The baby was a week overdue. I watched our first grandchild being born as our son-in-law helped our daughter through the labor and delivery.
Their marriage lasted five years. About the time of their tenth anniversary, our daughter finalized their divorce. Our grandson turned 12 years old last month. He is a tremendous joy to our entire family. He has frequent visits with his dad. Our daughter was determined that he get to know his dad and understand him. Our grandson refers to both his dad and our daughter’s long time boyfriend as “Dad.” He is and may remain an only child. He is however, very close to his cousins. We now have ten grandchildren. Our daughter is now 31 years old. She has supported our grandson entirely on her own since she separated from her husband. A time or two we have given her a small amount of money to help her. Three years ago she learned that she had cervical cancer and had two surgeries and treatments. She has health insurance but even the portion of her doctor bills that were her responsibility wiped out her savings. That was one of the times we helped her. Through all that she maintained her job and took less than a week of sick leave. She did not tell our grandson she had cancer because she did not want to worry about losing her. He just knew Mommy was very sick. One day I asked her when she was shortly out of the hospital the second time, how she was able to do what she is doing and she replied, “I have to for my son.” If I can do this, he will learn he can do it.”
Replied By: cfogle on Jul 24, 2009, 9:13AM - In reply to cadescove99
He did respond at the end of the show...Alex is married, has another child as well, graduated high school, etc.:)
Replied By: candie1184 on Jul 24, 2009, 8:35AM
Dear Dr. Phil,
I love your honest and straightforward approach to helping people solve their personal issues on the show. You give them a big "wake up call" and force them to face the reality of the situation and get out of the fiction of their own minds. Watching today's classic Dr. Phil moved me to write in today and make a few comments about the show.
Firstly, when we watch a family self-destruct like this I think it's easy to see the mistakes from the outside and think "what are you doing?!". That same way of thinking is what makes a teenager think they can have unprotected sex without getting pregnant. Bad things happen to other people, right? Adultery is such a slippery road, and never once have I heard anyone say "I am so glad I had that affair, what a great decision!" How come such a fundamental lesson seems to be so difficult to learn? What aren't parents/role models/mentors/older siblings doing to convey that bad decisions (good decisions as well) have consequences and that we can't go for the "right now" comfort when the costs are high? It's great that you are able to help people on your show, but ultimately my question is this: how do we help our friends and families face these situations in our own lives without your help or resources? Can we do so without alienating ourselves or pushing everyone away? Is it better to bite your lip when children are involved and affected? How do you help people own their decisions and the resultant consequences?
The next thing I wanted to comment on was the level of maturity expressed by the younger sister. She is so articulate and clearly conveyed what she needed from her parents. This speaks to the resiliency of children in that she could find the coping resources she needed to continue living in a twisted situation. Despite her parents' inability to effectively communicate their feelings she was able to pinpoint with laser-like precision what her opinons were and what she saw needed to change. Kudos to her!
Finally, we hear over and over that a parent did speak to their child about sexual choices and protection and the child had unprotected sex anyway. When this results in a teen pregnancy they are quickly forced to face the reality of what's coming and to reflect on the conversations passed. What is the right way to speak to your child about this topic? When should the conversation start? Is fear the best motivator or is it better to give your child good overall decision-making skills without focusing on this particular issue?
I really enjoyed this show, both for it's honest approach and for the breadth of issues covered. While honesty is the best policy in my opinion I think it's easy to say we want the truth and much more difficult to actually hear it from someone else. It seems to me like we spend too much time "in our own heads" in this culture when sometimes it makes more sense to just do the "right" things rather than what feels good now. I think we must as parents/role models/mentors must recognize and educate our wards on the importance of good decision-making skills. Many people feel thrust upon adulthood in an abrupt manner, be it because of a pregnancy and emergency or just the sudden freedom that comes when entering college. We need to embrace the responsbility to better prepare those who look to us for guidance and example.
Sincerely,
Candace in MI
I love your honest and straightforward approach to helping people solve their personal issues on the show. You give them a big "wake up call" and force them to face the reality of the situation and get out of the fiction of their own minds. Watching today's classic Dr. Phil moved me to write in today and make a few comments about the show.
Firstly, when we watch a family self-destruct like this I think it's easy to see the mistakes from the outside and think "what are you doing?!". That same way of thinking is what makes a teenager think they can have unprotected sex without getting pregnant. Bad things happen to other people, right? Adultery is such a slippery road, and never once have I heard anyone say "I am so glad I had that affair, what a great decision!" How come such a fundamental lesson seems to be so difficult to learn? What aren't parents/role models/mentors/older siblings doing to convey that bad decisions (good decisions as well) have consequences and that we can't go for the "right now" comfort when the costs are high? It's great that you are able to help people on your show, but ultimately my question is this: how do we help our friends and families face these situations in our own lives without your help or resources? Can we do so without alienating ourselves or pushing everyone away? Is it better to bite your lip when children are involved and affected? How do you help people own their decisions and the resultant consequences?
The next thing I wanted to comment on was the level of maturity expressed by the younger sister. She is so articulate and clearly conveyed what she needed from her parents. This speaks to the resiliency of children in that she could find the coping resources she needed to continue living in a twisted situation. Despite her parents' inability to effectively communicate their feelings she was able to pinpoint with laser-like precision what her opinons were and what she saw needed to change. Kudos to her!
Finally, we hear over and over that a parent did speak to their child about sexual choices and protection and the child had unprotected sex anyway. When this results in a teen pregnancy they are quickly forced to face the reality of what's coming and to reflect on the conversations passed. What is the right way to speak to your child about this topic? When should the conversation start? Is fear the best motivator or is it better to give your child good overall decision-making skills without focusing on this particular issue?
I really enjoyed this show, both for it's honest approach and for the breadth of issues covered. While honesty is the best policy in my opinion I think it's easy to say we want the truth and much more difficult to actually hear it from someone else. It seems to me like we spend too much time "in our own heads" in this culture when sometimes it makes more sense to just do the "right" things rather than what feels good now. I think we must as parents/role models/mentors must recognize and educate our wards on the importance of good decision-making skills. Many people feel thrust upon adulthood in an abrupt manner, be it because of a pregnancy and emergency or just the sudden freedom that comes when entering college. We need to embrace the responsbility to better prepare those who look to us for guidance and example.
Sincerely,
Candace in MI
