I have to start off by saying, you did a good thing by leaving your husband. That's the first step in the right direction. A man who treats you like that, doesn't deserve you!! I've never been through what you have, but i know someone very close to me who has. Same thing wasn't allowed to have friends, he would have to be with her all the time & was also physically & emotionally abusive on top of all that. My advice to you would be to work on you. Forget everyone around you & just focus on yourself. You've been through alote, now it's time to make alote of effort by putting yourself out there and starting fresh. Even if it means seeking group therapy with people who have been through the same situation as you have. It helps to meet people with the same problems, & maybe even build a strong friendship from there. There's help out there, you just have to look for it!!!! It's going to take alote of effort & time, but at the end it'll all be worth it!!!! :-)

Hi Everyone

It seems so very quiet on this message board.  There was a time when it was so busy - somehow I think that everyone can't possibly have found their real authentic self or have decided that Self doesn't Matter!!

Life is full of challenges - just ask me I have known many in my 58 years on this earth.  Some of you will know that I started with Dr Phil 10 years ago - well almost or it will be in 3 months!! - and my life has changed significantly over that time.  It changed first as a direct result of working my way through Life Strategies and then Self Matters (along with other similar books) and then it changed again when I realised what I had found.

What did I find?  I found a real live thinking and caring person who was trapped where he was and lacked (well at that time) the courage to move forward.  With the help of my own personal work and the support of people who I met on these Boards (and some I still keep in touch with and value as true friends) I managed to bite the bullet and make that very hard first step.

Life throws all manner of stuff at us that makes us stumble and fall but it is knowing and welcoming our authentic self that gives us the strength to pick ourself up and keep moving.  I am on the cusp of a new career as a result of this knowledge - along with the real and tangible support of my new family - yes at nearly 60 I am nearly finished my law degree!!  A big change that a few short years ago I would never have dreamt possible.

So everyone who looks in on these Boards - everything is possible - change is possible - each of us has something and someone very special within us.  We just need to accept that our past is our past - it has created parts of us but we don't need to let those events and parts dictate our limits.

Do the hard yards and look into your self and your life and let the weight of the past go and get ready to soar.

Good luck all and continue forward

Phil

I am so sorry that you are suffering so bad! And even though your family is insensitive to your feelings and the church has let you down and your life is not where you want it to be, God does love you. I know that is probably the last thing you want to hear, but please give Jesus a chance to heal you and make you whole.  I am not talking about church or religion or a certain denomanation or whatever you think spirituality is. I have been wounded as a child and went on to wound myself later.  Until one day Jesus showed up in my life and made it all better.  At least things made sense. I struggled for years unnecessarly as a result of abuse and neglect by those who were suppose to be on my side.  I do understand the pain of neglect, rejection and abuse.  I can only tell you what worked for me.  I suppose you can go on anti depressants or years of therapy but i can only tell you that no one will care about you like your maker.  If you want to chat, I am opened to that.
 Praying for a better tomorrow for you.
 Your friend, Suzy

Most everything in my life has not worked out on the positive. During my teens, I was forced to go to a church by my parents who in turn coerced me into going to the bible college of their choice--which is no longer in existence. Couldn't use my education from this college because of sexism and prejudice in the church, so left me with doing menial jobs to survive. Got married to a manipulative dude who if I hadn't divorced him I wouldn't be alive to this day--being threatened to be killed was no reason to try to stay married. being divorced for five years has been good, but in trying to make friends again (wasn't allowed to have friends when I was married), I have noticed that most people can't be bothered with me because they are too wrapped up in heir own life and family. Most of my family are the same, they just can't be bothered with me--I have asked nothing from no-one other than a simple friendship with communication as a key. I often wonder how long it would take for someone to discover my body if i were to die? How decayed would it be? I must admit, being divorced is better than being shot to death--but I was hoping for some friends other than the facebook fake friend thing.

I had a life I felt I didn't belong in for years. I could feel my heart aching for change. To find where I did belong in the world. As soon as I finally gave into the feeling, I changed my whole life in positive ways and I now feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be. I enjoy life to the fullest on most days now, and truly feel I am living my life the way I was intended. I no longer have that achy feeling. Always follow your heart! I do believe its your authentic self speaking to you. Listen to it and your life can be happy! Not saying it will be perfect, but most days can be good days. Life's too short, embrace it! 

Thanku for your post.  I'm just slowly coming back to Dr. Phil, I use to be here quite a bit.  Don't worry about any large fonts & caps.  doesn't botter me at all.  I never take it any differently, then just wanting the print not to be too small.  Yes, I have learned alot as well.  It's hard to believe it took sooooo long to learn this.  I know I was naive.  It takes getting beat up several times for me I guess.  lol... I have changed, & I have some old friends to credit my change in a positive way.  Having toxic or negative ppl in your life, actually is good.  It can teach you about yourself & what you need to change in yourself.  But, without changing what makes you 'you', if that makes sense.  Some, ppl just become cold & bitter.  I never did, in the beg. I admit I was so confused, hurt etc. etc.  But, then I realized I didn't have to change 'who I am', just toughen up alittle.  lol  :)  Yes, sometimes we learn the hard way.

Sorry things didn't work in your marriage, but as you said perhaps it's for the best.  It's never good for kids to grow up in a home, where there's lots of arguing.  That's good at least you both tried & went to counseling.  How are you now?  I'm just getting myself back to Dr. Phil's site.  Post anytime to say how you're doing ok? 
D

I don't have post-traumatic stress, but did I ever hear that about "small victories!"
Sometimes, "small victories" are just plain "victories."
I am physically disabled from a massive cerebral hemorrhage in 2001 at the age of 36 (loong story), and am technically not even "supposed" to be alive.
The fact that I can even stand up unassisted (it used to require two other people and/or a machine to help) represents major progress for me.
I can eat normally, and, though this was a significant issue at first, have become able to drink any sort of beverage (no alcohol), even carbonated ones, without choking.
Every time I take a drink, I think what a blessing it is. <takes long sip of raspberry leaf tea, does not get choked>
All that to say: My illness has taught me to be a more grateful person, and not take so much for granted.

Unfortunately, I *have* found it to be true that some people, if they detect what they perceive to be a "weakness," will dwell on that, and use it in an attempt to bolster their own shaky egos.
But, as Dr. Phil is often heard to say, you teach people how to treat you,  so be careful that you're not inadvertently telling the world, "In case you haven't noticed, I really hate my nose/teeth/hair/feet, etc."
It took me 47 years and a nearly fatal cerebral hemorrhage (long story) to learn this, but I've found that if I'm positive about myself, other people tend to notice the positive, as well. Since becoming disabled, I have even  chosen to distance myself from some former "friends" who were consistently negative and fault-finding, and surround myself with people who are supportive and positive. There *are* kind and uplifting people out there; it just takes a bit of searching to find them. It's completely worth the effort!

P.S. I'm not shouting; my stroke affected my vision, and the large font is easier for me to read.

After a therapy I ended much too quickly, which still helped me, I came back to those ''tapes''. I just finished page 231, starting page 232 of the book, and I can tell you that really applying yourself, and realizing that the Dr. Phillip C. McGraw, Ph. D., is on your side, can make a world of difference. Never again will I let those automatic, self-playing tapes, tell me what to do. In every aspect of life, we have a past experience and it influences our present and future selves. I can tell you that I succeeded in reading this book, by nodding to everything i read, to the ''You, Inc.'' company, and who the boss of that company should be, but finding out who really was. First accept and detail your life, which can be miserable, to than be able to say: ''Okay! What next Doc'?'' And there will be a powerful ''what next''! Never again will I let my fictional self get anywere near my thoughts or actions. I have rarely been this excited about a book before, and I love reading!
So big 5 golden stars on 5, and I recommend it to everyone, because we are all human and go through similar experiences! As I read in a book ment to help with communication, <<Humans differ from eachother with what they show, and resemble eachother through what they hide!>>. Please find out by yourself what you yourself aren't even aware yet, by applying to this book.