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Your Authentic Self
Still very quiet
on Oct 21, 2013, 1:56AM
It seems as if this Board has gone to sleep!!
The journey to finding one's authentic self is a never ending one. There are times when we feel we have reached the pinnacle of our journey only to find that there are new heights to scale and new depths to which we plunge.
For those who have been on and off this board for a while you will know me and some of my tale. I have reached a new point in my search for who I am. With the encouragement of those around I have now recently completed my law degree - I graduated last week at the age of 59 and now have just a few more small tasks before I can be admitted to the Bar. Whilst I do not define myself as a lawyer it is something that has sprung from within me once I began to realise the real me inside.
We all have many elements and dimensions and it is important that we do not allow others to define who and what we should be - it is those acts of surrender to others that rob each of us of the power to determine our own self. For those who have been the victim of others - whether it be something extreme or something insidious but continuous and perhaps seemingly minor at first - think to your own self. Take back your power and become your own self once. For to live in the past of victimhood is to live forever with a shadow over yourself.
I have struggled against many things in my life and I am sure that I will struggle once more - again and again - but I do now know who I am
So sorry for what you went through!!
on Aug 20, 2012, 4:51AM -
In reply to bapace
I have to start off by saying, you did a good thing by leaving your husband. That's the first step in the right direction. A man who treats you like that, doesn't deserve you!! I've never been through what you have, but i know someone very close to me who has. Same thing wasn't allowed to have friends, he would have to be with her all the time & was also physically & emotionally abusive on top of all that. My advice to you would be to work on you. Forget everyone around you & just focus on yourself. You've been through alote, now it's time to make alote of effort by putting yourself out there and starting fresh. Even if it means seeking group therapy with people who have been through the same situation as you have. It helps to meet people with the same problems, & maybe even build a strong friendship from there. There's help out there, you just have to look for it!!!! It's going to take alote of effort & time, but at the end it'll all be worth it!!!! :-)
It Seems Quiet On this Board
on Jul 24, 2012, 6:24PM
It seems so very quiet on this message board. There was a time when it was so busy - somehow I think that everyone can't possibly have found their real authentic self or have decided that Self doesn't Matter!!
Life is full of challenges - just ask me I have known many in my 58 years on this earth. Some of you will know that I started with Dr Phil 10 years ago - well almost or it will be in 3 months!! - and my life has changed significantly over that time. It changed first as a direct result of working my way through Life Strategies and then Self Matters (along with other similar books) and then it changed again when I realised what I had found.
What did I find? I found a real live thinking and caring person who was trapped where he was and lacked (well at that time) the courage to move forward. With the help of my own personal work and the support of people who I met on these Boards (and some I still keep in touch with and value as true friends) I managed to bite the bullet and make that very hard first step.
Life throws all manner of stuff at us that makes us stumble and fall but it is knowing and welcoming our authentic self that gives us the strength to pick ourself up and keep moving. I am on the cusp of a new career as a result of this knowledge - along with the real and tangible support of my new family - yes at nearly 60 I am nearly finished my law degree!! A big change that a few short years ago I would never have dreamt possible.
So everyone who looks in on these Boards - everything is possible - change is possible - each of us has something and someone very special within us. We just need to accept that our past is our past - it has created parts of us but we don't need to let those events and parts dictate our limits.
Do the hard yards and look into your self and your life and let the weight of the past go and get ready to soar.
Good luck all and continue forward
You touched my heart
on May 29, 2012, 3:36PM -
In reply to bapace
I am so sorry that you are suffering so bad! And even though your family is insensitive to your feelings and the church has let you down and your life is not where you want it to be, God does love you. I know that is probably the last thing you want to hear, but please give Jesus a chance to heal you and make you whole. I am not talking about church or religion or a certain denomanation or whatever you think spirituality is. I have been wounded as a child and went on to wound myself later. Until one day Jesus showed up in my life and made it all better. At least things made sense. I struggled for years unnecessarly as a result of abuse and neglect by those who were suppose to be on my side. I do understand the pain of neglect, rejection and abuse. I can only tell you what worked for me. I suppose you can go on anti depressants or years of therapy but i can only tell you that no one will care about you like your maker. If you want to chat, I am opened to that.
Praying for a better tomorrow for you.
Your friend, Suzy
Not sure where to start...
on Apr 6, 2012, 4:35PM
Most everything in my life has not worked out on the positive. During my teens, I was forced to go to a church by my parents who in turn coerced me into going to the bible college of their choice--which is no longer in existence. Couldn't use my education from this college because of sexism and prejudice in the church, so left me with doing menial jobs to survive. Got married to a manipulative dude who if I hadn't divorced him I wouldn't be alive to this day--being threatened to be killed was no reason to try to stay married. being divorced for five years has been good, but in trying to make friends again (wasn't allowed to have friends when I was married), I have noticed that most people can't be bothered with me because they are too wrapped up in heir own life and family. Most of my family are the same, they just can't be bothered with me--I have asked nothing from no-one other than a simple friendship with communication as a key. I often wonder how long it would take for someone to discover my body if i were to die? How decayed would it be? I must admit, being divorced is better than being shot to death--but I was hoping for some friends other than the facebook fake friend thing.
I listened to my authentic self, and hope to inspire others to do the same.
on Jan 31, 2012, 6:24AM
I had a life I felt I didn't belong in for years. I could feel my heart aching for change. To find where I did belong in the world. As soon as I finally gave into the feeling, I changed my whole life in positive ways and I now feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be. I enjoy life to the fullest on most days now, and truly feel I am living my life the way I was intended. I no longer have that achy feeling. Always follow your heart! I do believe its your authentic self speaking to you. Listen to it and your life can be happy! Not saying it will be perfect, but most days can be good days. Life's too short, embrace it!
on Jan 26, 2012, 1:11PM -
In reply to carlan
Thanku for your post. I'm just slowly coming back to Dr. Phil, I use to be here quite a bit. Don't worry about any large fonts & caps. doesn't botter me at all. I never take it any differently, then just wanting the print not to be too small. Yes, I have learned alot as well. It's hard to believe it took sooooo long to learn this. I know I was naive. It takes getting beat up several times for me I guess. lol... I have changed, & I have some old friends to credit my change in a positive way. Having toxic or negative ppl in your life, actually is good. It can teach you about yourself & what you need to change in yourself. But, without changing what makes you 'you', if that makes sense. Some, ppl just become cold & bitter. I never did, in the beg. I admit I was so confused, hurt etc. etc. But, then I realized I didn't have to change 'who I am', just toughen up alittle. lol :) Yes, sometimes we learn the hard way.
on Jan 26, 2012, 1:05PM -
In reply to twtybrd735
Sorry things didn't work in your marriage, but as you said perhaps it's for the best. It's never good for kids to grow up in a home, where there's lots of arguing. That's good at least you both tried & went to counseling. How are you now? I'm just getting myself back to Dr. Phil's site. Post anytime to say how you're doing ok?
on Jan 14, 2012, 2:03PM -
In reply to cndnjustice
I don't have post-traumatic stress, but did I ever hear that about "small victories!"
Sometimes, "small victories" are just plain "victories."
I am physically disabled from a massive cerebral hemorrhage in 2001 at the age of 36 (loong story), and am technically not even "supposed" to be alive.
The fact that I can even stand up unassisted (it used to require two other people and/or a machine to help) represents
progress for me.
I can eat normally, and, though this was a significant issue at first, have become able to drink any sort of beverage (no alcohol), even carbonated ones, without choking.
Every time I take a drink, I think what a blessing it is. <takes long sip of raspberry leaf tea, does not get choked>
All that to say: My illness has taught me to be a more grateful person, and not take so much for granted.
Eliminate the negative
on Jan 14, 2012, 1:44PM -
In reply to dee0123
Unfortunately, I *have* found it to be true that some people, if they detect what they perceive to be a "weakness," will dwell on that, and use it in an attempt to bolster their own shaky egos.
But, as Dr. Phil is often heard to say, you teach people how to treat you, so be careful that you're not inadvertently telling the world, "In case you haven't noticed, I really hate my nose/teeth/hair/feet, etc."
It took me 47 years and a nearly fatal cerebral hemorrhage (long story) to learn this, but I've found that if I'm positive about myself, other people tend to notice the positive, as well. Since becoming disabled, I have even chosen to distance myself from some former "friends" who were consistently negative and fault-finding, and surround myself with people who are supportive and positive. There *are* kind and uplifting people out there; it just takes a bit of searching to find them. It's completely worth the effort!
P.S. I'm not shouting; my stroke affected my vision, and the large font is easier for me to read.
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