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Abuse Support

 

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Whether it's physical, sexual or verbal, abuse is unacceptable. Are you a survivor? How did you cope? Share your story.

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Help end the silence on domestic violence.
Comments
Replied By: believe56 on Jul 16, 2014, 2:22PM
Dr. Phil,

I wrote to you several months ago with my story with the hopes that I could create awareness.  I was married for 15 years and endure physical and emotional abuse.  In 2008 I was held at gun point and was physically abused while my 4 year old daugther slept in the other room.  Held capture for hours until the storm passed the next day I found the strength to call for help.  But like so many women I couldn't believe it was happening to me.  I felt like I was living someone elses life.  The guilt and shame was overwhelming, I desperately didn't want this to be happening.  What I did next is what I 'thought' I should.  I secured the best attorney for my husband, the best counslers and best programs offered for sustance abuse.  Thousands of dollars later it seemed he was on the right road.  How I could be so wrong is beyond me.  I mean I am an educated women, with a great career and have been successful in all aspects of my life.  Here I am 5 years later and experiencing the same thing.  I finally got the courage to say NO MORE and filed for divorce in Sept 2013.  I received a no contact protective order which he violated 4 times, I received a domestic abuse protective order which he violated 3 times!  When I pressed charges, they were all dismissed.  So here I am with a piece of paper that says I am protected, but am I?  His most recent espisode was to be seen lurking in my backyard.  Again, no action taken against him.  But the emotional abuse continues, but this time it is from my husband and the court system.  At my pre-trial hearing I was ordered to pay my abuser alimony!  Imagine having to pay the one person who disrupted your life and abused you because the laws are so outdated.  Needless to say, alimony needs to be reformed country wide.    Just when I worked and paid attorney's to protect my daugther I felt the worse was over, but once again I am on the receiving end of outdated laws.  While trying to deal with the divorce I lost my father, my rock.  And, yes to my surprise, now my inheritance is being looked at as an asset even though my father knew what a horrible person my husband was he protected it in a trust, but family law is so different.


There should be laws that protect a person who is a victim of abuse from being emotionally, physically and now financially protected.


No one seems to hear, do you hear me?
 
Replied By: noonehelped on Jul 1, 2014, 9:41AM
My divorce is final. It was between 2 states. I of course was the one who had to travel out of state 2 court and more. much more with no money. My x husband unlawfuuly evicted me from home with abuse. He was having an affair. I did not know he was home every night. He led me to believe he was losing his mind. I was doing back flips to get him help.


He put bug spray in my drink

gave me meds to cause me to bleed out

Held loaded gun to my head(have note from a lawyer telling her how I told her .-the guns were legally taken away fro him. 2 states thyought it was right to give them back to him

pulled knife on me

was giving some kind of meds that caused my lips to feel and look like someone put acid on them(have notes from both dr and dentist)

damaged most furniture walls fridge ect.

was trying to set me up to get arrested

forged my name all over the place

forged a notary( notary never existed)

Him and girlfriend cancelled one of my fraud complaints

girlfriend was stalking me

shoved cell phone up my rectum

was drugging me and sexually abusing me while knocked out but never touched me otherwise

sold my sons car.so had to forge his name to do so then got it back and damaged it and another of his cars and took title. damaged to the point of yhaving it junked

hid mail from my son from IRS

took and hid all mail

took all monies


I lost everything and could go on. How did he get away with all of this. Forged my name on paper for attorney general. The ag office told me if that was true he would be in trouble and so would they. They stopped taking my calls.


He lied to the prosecuter while trying to expunge an arrest.. Can this be fixed. I do not want him to get away with this. I want justice and what was mine. There is so much more. The state we moved too said they cannot help me beccause I am in another state. The state I am in says they cant help me because everything happened in the other state. Someone please please give me some advice
 
Replied By: lssanders on Jun 23, 2014, 7:33PM - In reply to Pleasance
I am worn down and worn out! Wish I could make it in this world all by myself. He is sick and tired of taking care of me. Said once, if he could kil me and then kill himself and get away with it then he would!  Just die and I will bury you he said! Now he denies saying all of that. He says I set him off. We were grocery shopping and something I said got twisted around. Oh my gosh. I had no idea he was even mad until he slammed things on the check out counter. So embarrassing.  That was two days ago. Vacation? Is he serious??? No way!
 
Replied By: flower4960 on Jun 18, 2014, 7:05AM - In reply to jcwright
Yes i am😄i want to smile always i hope can stay focus.
 
Replied By: flower4960 on Jun 13, 2014, 5:25PM - In reply to wingedrunner
I am speaking to someone to help me out and she helps verbally absive women like to get out before ot gets worst i will keep updates, thank everyone for your advice he help relize i am a person that doesn't need to take it anymore. Thanks again
 
Replied By: wingedrunner on Jun 12, 2014, 9:57PM - In reply to jcwright
Im wondering too. How are you flowergilrl? How is the progress? Where are you at now?
 
Replied By: jcwright on Jun 11, 2014, 4:24PM - In reply to flower4960
Let me know if you are going to take the step to freedom.
 
Replied By: flower4960 on Jun 11, 2014, 9:00AM - In reply to crazywoman2014
You are very strong willed person, im trying to be strong likd everyone on this page. It is true gou see everything in your marriage is wrong and everyone in his family says he wrong for being verbally a abusive. Everyday there is more and more of the same hes vets mad and its my fault. I can't talk right i can't be taugh cause im stupid. I say to him lets just divorce and he gets more angrier and tells me everything is my fault. I want so bad for my son and i to have normal life again but i don't. Know what that is. I've been married for almost 8 year and he has sex with me 5 times only that make me beleive that he is having an affair but defend himsslf and say yor f×××× crazy.i strugle from anxiety very bad some days and he say he not b is fault for hlme having that i said to him i do blame you for most of it but because i have been weaken by you i can't. Beat most days. My 15 year old son and i get blame for eblverything nomatter good or bad. It sadden me to say that i feel broken.
 
Replied By: crazywoman2014 on Jun 10, 2014, 6:49AM
I am a 55 year old woman , and my life has been pure hell  until I married the man I am now married to for going on 15 years. Here's your laugh for the day. I have been married 10 times ,I married 3 of them twice like once wasn't enough, lol. My mother abuse me physically and verbally until I was 15 years old, luckily dad let me get married  then so I could get out of her house  . He beat   on me every chance he got. I stayed married until 18 , then noone could tell me what to do, I got married at 19, he was a cheater very faithfully at it too. I have never been one to put up with crap from  men . I always had a plan to get away from the day I met them until I saw if they were abusive. The very first sign of abuse is isolation, don't talk to them, don't have them over, not letting you talk to friends or family. Ladies and men, GET AWAY AS SOON AS YOU NOTICE ITS HAPPENING.  listen to your friends and family when they say they see it. Sometimes you are to close to the situation to see it, but they do. They see when you don't call or come over like you  used to.If he hits you and then blames you for it, like "see what you made me do, its not your fault , they have the problem hun, not you.I would be more than happy to talk to you, help  you  make a plan to leave . I have been they just about in any type situation. Dr. Phil if you know someone I could help please let me know I would love to save someone from the life I have had. crrazywoman2014@yahoo.com. If I needed to I would be on the show to help eveyone I could.
 
Replied By: sassyindian on Jun 4, 2014, 5:46PM
My name is Mellody and I am 36 years old. When I was 15, I would run away from home a lot because I was raised in an alcoholic home and I couldn’t live with my mom anymore and I ended getting involved with a man that was 7 years older than I was. At first, our relationship was like a fairytale. After 6 months it wasn’t so perfect anymore. He started yelling at me, calling me names and slapping me. Just a few months after this started, that is when he started to punch me in the head, kick me in the head and stomp on my head when I was down on the ground. He would tell me when I could go to school, eat, talk to, hang out with, go to the bathroom, or if I was allowed to see family.


I wanted to leave him and told him which was a big mistake. He threw me up against the wall and put a knife to my throat and said, “You will never leave me and if you tell anyone anything going on here, I will cut your head off” and that is when he started to cut my throat just to prove to me he would be crazy enough to do it and then he threw me to the ground and raped me. That is when the sexual assaults started. First he would do it while I was sleeping till I woke up and fought him off of me. Then he would knock me out and have his way with me then before I came to one time, he tied my hands behind my back. I came to and he would tell me it was my fault he had to do this and put me in the closet because he didn’t want to look at me. When he needed a punching bag or have his sexual needs met, he would bring me out of the closet and do what he needed at the time and put me back in the closet. This lasted about a week till he came across the date rape drug where I would be “awake” but couldn’t fight him and I wouldn’t remember it. I didn’t find out about the date rape drug until I became pregnant with my miracle baby at 16.


When I got pregnant, the abuse got worse. Not only would have beat me in the head, he would also beat and kick me in the stomach. Thank God I did not lose my miracle baby, (she is 19 now). No one knew of the abuse because I was afraid of letting anyone know. When I was 16 and 9 months pregnant, my mom had me marry this man and that is when I took the chance and told her of the abuse. She didn’t believe me and I got married to him on April 10, 1995. The abuse stopped. I turned 17 on April 26 and had my daughter April 27th. Still no abuse. May 30, 1995 the abuse started up again. He was just beating me and he had this different look in his face and I was in fear of losing my life. Then I was afraid that he would hurt my daughter and I started to fight back. Police were called, thank God, and both he and I went to the hospital. I had goose egg bumps all over my head, I had bites and scratches all over my arms and hands. He had a broken nose, broken jaw, fractured cheek bone, popped ear drum, 3 broken ribs, 2 fractured ribs and a fractured pelvic bone. I was in fear for my daughter’s life and my own. He went to jail and when he was in jail for 9 months, I filed for divorce before he got out. Our divorce was granted just before I was 18. I also had a 5 year restraining order on him.


When I was 24, I started college. In 2004, I graduated with an Associate Degree in Criminal Justice. In 2007, I graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in Criminal Justice. Then finally in 2009, I graduated with a Master’s Degree in Management in Criminal Justice. I also have certificates for Domestic Abuse and Sexual Assault Advocate. I did an internship with a tribal probation and parole. I was a Domestic Abuse Probation Officer. I did not know how I would do since ALL of my client had abused their significant other. I ended up doing very well actually and I got my clients into programs and help. I also got respect from my clients because I was totally honest with them. And since I was a victim of domestic abuse, I know the manipulations an abuse will use and I would catch my clients trying them with me but they never got away with it so they just became up front with me. Once my internship was done, I became a Youth Crime Victim Specialist with the tribal police department with that same tribe. I helped victims of crime. Most of my clients were children that were beaten or molested by someone. I also had adult clients that were being abused or raped or both. I was let go from this job because my health declined and I was missing a lot of work.

I live on my Indian Reservation and I started to volunteer as a domestic violent advocate. I had to unfortunately had to stop doing that due to a near fatal car accident I was in back in November 2013 and had to learn how to walk again. 6 months later, I am walking again but still unable to do this volunteer work because I do not have a reliable vehicle. I would actually love to get back into Probation work but I wouldn’t mind working as a crime victim specialist also so I can help victims become survivors.
 
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