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Whether it's physical, sexual or verbal, abuse is unacceptable. Are you a survivor? How did you cope? Share your story.

If you believe you need immediate assistance, please call your local emergency number or crisis hotline listed in your local phone book's government pages.

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Help end the silence on domestic violence.
Comments
Replied By: skyblue1938 on Dec 20, 2014, 8:30AM - In reply to candicesheree8
I was in an abusive relationship for 30 years before he passed away in 2002.I have been thrown down the stairs,had a broken arm,fractured ribs on both sides,my nose was busted three times.The first time was kicked in the stomach at 23 years old with steel toed boots.I took 100 aspirin in a week to keep going with 3 little kids to take care of..The day come when I was rushed to emergency,took me right in and couldnt get any blood out of my veins,then took me to exray but I kept passing out so a specialist was called in for emergency surgery.My spleen was ruptured and damage to the spine.Layed in intensive care for a week,then put in a room. Got home after I was released and got a blood clot in my lung so back in the Hospital 18 days..He got cancer in the lung back then and had half a lung removed,was good till 1999 when he got it back under the tongue,at least that brought him to quit drinking so he wasnt mean.Always said god punished him for what he did to me. I was foolish enough to stay in this relationship but ladies take it from experience,dont do what I did.To this day I live alone because I m afraid to have a man in my life.And Im suffering to this day with my spine and back
 
Replied By: candicesheree8 on Dec 19, 2014, 8:34AM
I watched the episode of the woman who was so brave, moved 17 times, lost her eye in tears. I have been in violent marrige for 4 years. Everyday I have been spit on, hit, called god awful names, he even taught my two year son to call me a fat whore.  I stay at home and have 4 amazing children that are my reason for living everyday, and my reason for going on.  My husband controls the finaces doesn't allow acces to anything, and would brake my phone or hide my keys when he wanted to abuse me so that I couldn't report it.  In June 2014 he beat while I was 8 months pregnant with our second son. I was put into the hospital with serious head injurys and a chance of losing our son. He was out the next day and promised to seek help and stop drinking. I was emotional and very pregant so I decided not to pursue charges because the baby was due anyday and I was scared to testify. He was given a 60 day restraing order and was allowed back into the house in September 2014. Two weeks later he beat me up in the front yard in front of my daughers told them it was good for them to see their Mother get beat like a "little Bi***" A neighbor called the police and he was once again out the next day. I told them this time I wanted to press charges. He was awaiting a 3rd Felony charge, which somehow got knocked down to a much lower charge. I finally came forward to seek out help and now I am the one suffereing again. His family is very very wealthy and they have hired lawyers to get him out of this. I have been getting badgered and made to feel like this is my fault even from the Proscuters that took on his case. This is why Women are so scared to come foward. Now I am going through hell and in a worse situation then If I were to let him keep abusing me.  Texas needs to fix their Crimianl Justice system.  Do I have to end up in a body bag before someone cares??
 
Replied By: broadwaygirl21 on Dec 18, 2014, 10:41AM
All my life, I was told there was no such thing as monsters, but there was: there truly was monsters. I lived with one for most of my life on and off. When I was watching the episode of Dr. Phil about the girls who were abused by their grandfather, it brought back memories of my abuse and rape by my own grandfather. At first, I couldn't watch it, but I did, and now, I'm strong enough to share my story.



i cannot recall how old I was when it all stared, but the first memories of him was when I was around seven. it started with these 'number stories': stories where when the numbers increased, he got more touchy feely with me. My year old brother was even in room when this occured, and he even pushed me out of the room, leaving the two of them alone. I'm positive he was molested too, though he denies it. 




On and off, his touches and fondling increased and he shamed me into secrecy. Finally he stopped when I was around 14. It was odd because that was when he suppositly 'found God'. He was zealous and preached a lot which frightened me, wondering if he would rear his ugly head again. He did. I was 19 and started working as my handicapped grandmother's caretaker. One day, he cornered me in he hallway when I had some laundry in my arms, and copped a feel of my breasts. Being legally employed for the company, i filed a compaint, but they turned a blind eye because they were friends of my grandparents. This meant he had full control of me and what he could do. 



Oftentimes, I was rum errands with him, and during those times, he would take us behind the store and rape me. He had a pistol he carried with him, and a few time, he put it to my head and threatened to kill me and hide my body. Mind you, my dad is a police officer, and he still did this! He said he'd hide my body and his connections would help him get away so my dad and mom would never find me. Needless to say, I kept quiet. 



Finaly, the time came to open up when I was in my child welfare class and i broke down in the car to my mom and told her. She was raped by him too, so she was both surprised and not surprised at the same time. My dad was enraged as well. We were in the stature of limitation so we went to press charges. When he was called in, his connections managed to get him off and he was never prosecuted. 



Now, years later, he is dead, and before he died, literally, I stood in front of him at my grandmother's funeral and told him, "I forgive you." 16 days later, he died. As for my grandmother, I never got over how I told her and she called me vile names and never believed me. Needless to say, I had my mom say I forgave her as she was dying.  It is still taking me time to heal and I thank God for all my doctors and councilors that have been in my life that have told me to live my life and to forgive.
 
Replied By: mstarr1009 on Dec 17, 2014, 9:40PM
Age becomes such a blur. I hear you often ask your guests about the age. I feel 3 I see 5 I think it stopped about 8. I had a consistant dream as a child. I would dream my mother went to the grocery store and a witch the one one from the Wizard of Oz would lock me in my parents bedroom and Iknew what was waiting. In my absolute terror the wall fell down and the blonde Jesus in the blue robe ( the painting that hung across every christian home in the 80s) Along with God who looked like Mr. Clean walked me down a literal Highway to Heaven as if to help me escape or a promise of escape. I would wake up before I ever ran into Michael Landon's arms. In the reality, in the world beyond the TV I watched and my hope and faith in God there was a reality. A reality that makes me cringe in every theological debate on God's omnipotence and souveriegnty because I can't believe that God paved the road ahead of me into my tomorrow with soveriegnty as my father has me hiked up on his erection under his boxers. The game I thought was our fun. Our special time. The game that he told me my mother would be mad at me if she knew we played. I believed him. It was easy. My mother was depressed. I was born 14 and 13 years after my sisters. My mothers tubes were tyed and they had told her I was a tumor. In fact her tubes were cut tyed and burned at the ends. So there I was in 1980 the newborn of a 40 year old . She was already done and tired. My father had already beat her once and had two children with other women during their marriage. In fact she said they married because she was drunk at a kappa alpha party and he impregnated her. So after a suicide attempt in 6th grade my mother decided I needed counseling. She tested me I admitted it all to her begging for mercy because I didn't want to be more trouble. I refused to give details because they caused me great shame . Noone had said it is normal for sexual touching to feel good. Your body is made that way. No one said it's normal to be conflicted no one said anything except what a giant burden I was. The counselor was threatened by my father and I was not taken bck. When my mom finally left my father 3 years later for beating her again she usedit for leverage in court. Whenever I have confroted her for not doing something she says she didn't know what was going on and she thought the couselor should have called its their legal obligation but they didn't and if I wouldn't give her details how could she do anything. Forever my story was the problem my symtomatic outburts were the inconveniences and anything that went wrong it was easy to point  the finger at me. I survived. My dad died ladt feb. 4 days in his home without a soul knowing. In debt and with an indictment for fraud creeping up on him. My nephews and my oldest sister that has been diagnosed scitzophrenic were completely disrespectful to me during the process but I kept being told to support her . I survived. Some days I wake up hating every family member because I think they will never know the childhood I lost and their incredibly poor judgement in handling the entirety of the situation and how they scarred me to the extint my father having me play sexual games with him did and they will never be able tolook me in the eyes and just be accountable for being wrong. Some days I wake up and I love them just the same. It is not my first thought anymore it doesn't rule my life and I am now aware my woth isn't based on my ability to sexually satisfy another being or keep from upsetting someone else. My worth comes from God calling me by a new name. I was interviewed on a podcast for this topic years back and I have a blog post about it. Both links are below. There is hope. God does let down a wall but I will never be what I would have been if it had never happened.



http://www.blogtalkradio.com/robertjrussell/2012/02/25/the-robert-j-russell-show





http://modestmindyexposed.blogspot.com/2014/08/calling-myself-by-new-name.html
 
Replied By: sammigrl89 on Dec 16, 2014, 12:48AM
When I see stuff like that like what happend with that little boy the pain and terror that he feels rages through my veins makes me sweat and sick my heart pump and anger unbearable. I feel as though I could literally murder the abuser. The suffering I feel for these children is unthinkable I feel their pain and my heart breaks and seeps through every pore on my body my tears feel like hot water and my brain feels like it's swelling inside my skull. I can picture what I would do the abuser like a favorite movie playing in my mind and I wheep for these kids. I want to hold them and let them feel my love. But I'm so far away. This I believe is my punishment. Gods wrath for the horrible sin I committed. The consequence   ultimately make me insane and die of a broken heart.
 
Replied By: southngal on Dec 15, 2014, 7:58PM
Dear Dr. Phil,


My name is Danielle Currie and as of today I am 53 yrs. old.  After my father committed suicide when I was 4 my mom married my step-dad.  And my abuse began.  From the time I was 5-17 yrs old my "dad" abused me sexually.  He was a Msgt. in the Marine Corp and we were stationed at Macdill AFB in Florida. I can still remember the first time he abused me and afterwards sat me on my toybox and told me that this was "out little secret and not to tell mommy".  After a couple of years he got transferred to Paris Island, S. Carolina.  It was then that I told my mother about the abuse,  I was in 2nd grade.  Nothing happened!  And things continued as they had been for several more years.


He retired from the Marines in 1970 and we moved to Maine.   I am not sure if I blocked out the abuse or not but I do not remember him abusing me for the 2 years we lived in Maine.  But then, we moved to Georgia and the abuse became worse than it ever had been before.


Now it's 1972 and we are living in Albany, Ga.  As I got older he began using sex as a punishment.  I had to wash the dishes every night after dinner and if he found 1 dirty dish my punishment would be a b---j--, if he found 2 it would be full on sex.  As I got older and fought against it my punnishment would be even worse (as in sex everyday for a week or some such crap). There were times i would be so scared to go home after school that I would go to a friends house but then I would get in trouble and punished for that as well.  Of course my mom had a talk with him years before all this and "they" agreed he would stop.  But he didn't and when I was 15 I threatened to go to the police.  We sat down as a "family" and I was told that he would leave if I really wanted him to but would be destroying our family.  Of course I didn't want to be the cause of destroying our family and I said no I didn't want him to move out just stop abusing me.  He promised he would and did for several months and then back to the same old abuse.  


Finally came the day when I ws 17 yrs old and I realized that I was the same height as him and he wasn't this huge jarhead/golden gloves boxer that I thought he was, and I finally stood up to him and told him if he ever f_______ing touched me again I would blow his balls off.  He stopped!!


One of the saddest parts of this is that there were multiple adults that knew about this and did NOTHING.  Including a retired police detective that I babysat for.  Because of enduring the years of abuse and torture from this man I grew up using sex to get what I wanted from a man or getting abused by the men in my life. My first husband abused me physically and punched me while I was pregnant with our second son.  And that was just one of our many fights.  Then there was the boyfriend that would put my head in a headlock and flip me on the bed or twist my leg.  I would try and roll with it but not always successful.  And now on Nov. 12th my third sons 28th birthday we had a horrible arguement and he blamed me for the abuse from my dad and said, "his girlfriend was raped by her cousin and she is doing just fine".  We had been astranged from each other for over a year because of a different fight.  I am done!  I have had enough.  I can't take anymore.  I am so tired of trying to be strong.  I tried calling a psychiatrist where I live but as we live on an island he is over booked with patients and can't take anymore.  After the fight with my son I tried to take my own life but the gun jammed and I ended up shooting a hole in the livingroomm wall.  The sound was so loud in our hoiuse and it  scared my poor little dog so bad.  So instead I called the one person who would listen (MY husband).  


While on a family vacation at my parents in Ga. my husband overheard a converstaion between my mom and I about the abuse.  Finally I had someone that knew what I was saying was true and someone finally believed me!!!!  Then in Oct.. 2014 my husband and I went on vacation to Florida and went to Ga. to see my mom for a few days.  She was absolutey horrible to both of us.  But mainly me.  After we left and went back to Florida to finish our vacation and then fly home my husband asked me if she had always been like that to me?  I said yes but she has gotten so much worse as she has got older.  My husband told me, "Honey you have got to talk to someone about all this.  He said he coudln't imagaine dealing with the verbal abuse from mom all my life as well as the sexual abuse from dad.  


I am not sure why but I seem to be so much angrier now that my dad died then I ever was when he was alive.  But I know something has got to give.  Please help Dr. Phil and Robin I feel like I am losing my mind and really need help.  I am losing my kids and being called a psychotic bitch by my son.  I and can no longer see as I a crying yet again.  Pleae forgive and thank you for reading this mess.
 
Replied By: standup5589 on Dec 15, 2014, 5:07PM
My name is Michelle Jones. I am 25 years old. 3 1/2 year ago I was sexually assaulted while attending college. It was someone I knew while I was unconscious. While it was not a quote unquote, "forceful" encounter, it would be an event that would change my life forever. In the next month my life completely took a turn for the worse. Word spread, and stories of other girls started coming forward and at that point I no longer looked at it as it being about myself, but the girls before me and the girls that would come after me. So, I went to the police. When I did so, the boy who did this crime and his frat brothers along with who knows who else, began to make my life nothing less than a nightmare than I was living. They went from messing with my car to banging on my apartment door in the middle of the night. Shaking and barely able to breathe, I sank in a corner of my apartment with a knife in one and pepper spray in another waiting on the police to arrive, I couldn't believe that this is what my life had came to. At 22 years old I was nothing more than a pawn in someone else's sick game. I at that point, was the definition of a victim. So, I played the card well, and pack what I could in one car load and let them run me out of town. I got a new apartment in a new city. I owned nothing but a TV and a mattress and box full of clothes. That's how I lived. In my empty apartment on my mattress watching blockbuster movies on my 32' television where I gained 60 pounds and the only way I could be social was by drinking. So for a short while I turned to drinking none stop. At this point the court proceedings were going at the speed of smell and all the friends I thought I had were gone. Until one day the woman who raised me sat me down and told me that she hated this man for what he had done but most of all for taking her daughter from her. She told me as she cried that she would give anything to see her daughter smile just one more time. This horrible experience had came into my life like a tornado and destroyed everything, and I had let it. But, I knew I couldn't let it anymore because it was destroying the people I loved the most as well. So, I took small steps in the right directions. I read books, and put myself in counseling. I kept going with the court process and I pushed though with Prosecution. As I did this I took up writing. I started up a blog and let everyone experience my journey along with all of my struggles with me. I wanted everyone to have a birds eye view on the struggles a survivor of sexual assault goes through, from the hospital visit all the way to the sentencing and all of the after math. Now that it is all said and done I can say it. I survived something. I survived something that honestly almost killed me. I survived it, because I talked about it. I truly believe that is the number one way of deal with something as traumatic as rape. So, now I always sexual assault victims who have kept their experience buried inside to begin to heal by anonymously sharing their stories on the same blog I shared mine without the backlash of victim blaming

It has given these girls a safe house to vent and tell their stories exactly how they feel them. My advocate has given me some amazing chances to go along with her and do some public speaking of my own and share my story and I have recently started up my own non profit organization called Safe & Sound Refuge. I hope to one day have an actual safe house where girls can go for a few days to clear their heads and get a few good nights of rest. Have resources to counseling, good books, blog sites, and music. I hope to help girls that feel what I have felt, just not have to get ran out of a town, their car egged, become and alcoholic, sleep on a mattress and gain 60 pounds first. I hope one day, I can help them find their Refuge first.  My blog is http://refuge2224.blogspot.com/

 
Replied By: hooahmedic on Dec 15, 2014, 3:59PM
When I was in high school, I dated a guy who physically abused me.  He never hit me, his method was to push me - down the stairs, head first into a refridgerator, his favorite was to push me when I had something behind me so I would flip over it like a coffee table.  Amazingly, it wasn't the abuse that made me leave him, but him cheating on me.  

The next guy I dated long term cheated on me left and right.  He shoved me one time and that was it, I called the cops.  

Then I got married.  On a daily basis I was told how fat, ugly, stupid, worthless I was, threatened by him with divorce, I wasn't allowed to have a car, I wasn't allowed to have my own money - even when I was working, the money was all his, I wasn't ever allowed to buy new clothes or anything else I might need, he had an insanely scary temper - never touched me, but broke/threw many things.  This is just a small example of the treatment I allowed to happen to me.  After about a year and a half of marriage, he told me that either we go to marriage counseling or get divorced.  I found a good marriage counselor and spent the next 2.5 years going to therapy by myself.  I learned how to have a healthy relationship, I gained self respect, and I was able to change the dynamics of my marriage.  Alas, it takes two to make things work and after all the drama was gone, there wasn't anything left, so we divorced.


In my mind, as long as the guy wasn't physically hurting me, I wasn't being abused.  My therapist didn't even point out that I was being abused.  It wasn't until a few years after my divorce, when I was working at a VA hospital on the in-patient mental health ward that a coworker made me aware that the things I put up with in my marriage was abuse.  



I think it's important to educate people about all the types of abuse.  I think if I had been more aware of the various kinds of abuse, I would have made different choices in men.   Or at the very least, left a heck of a lot earlier.  



 
Replied By: btchypoo on Dec 15, 2014, 11:46AM
18 years ago i ran from my abusers.


i was a mental 15 year old girl when my ex got me and now i am not even human anymore. after many years of beatings and rapes my ex let his father sexual abuse me for a 7 years.


when i ran from he started an online shame campaign that my community has embraced.


now with the help  of many haters they have started again i just want to die.


i will never be allowed to heal 
 
Replied By: pminter on Dec 15, 2014, 2:03AM - In reply to tmeixsb
Hi

I don't come on the Dr Phil website. But today I did because of a show I watched. I saw your cry for help. I myself was molested by my father while my mother watched. In later years when my grandmother came across it and put a stop to it, my mother carried on with emotional as well as physical abuse. 


I was also raped by my best friend because i denied his love for me. I have tried many suacide attemps and failed. I even ran away..haha only for a day. And talking to all the people - social workers, head doctors it just did not work for me.


I became a christian and I decided to go to my fahter's grave and I forgave him by writing it in a letter and reading it to him. I also wrote a letter to my mother and my friend. I then made a big bon fire and burned the letters one by one. Today I have a okay relationship with my mom. I don't care whether she new or not, I forgave her and myself. But so many people think you must forgive once, but forgiveness is something that should be done almost everyday. There is still moments that my mom would do or say something that hurts like hell. I will go home and I will pray for her and forgive her again.


If you fill up the loneliness with time spend with God I promise you, you feel free everyday of this battle. You will be able to find love and you will not miss out in life.


I get to spend everyday with my two boys and not one day do I waist on the people that hurt me anymore!


Do not waist your life away like that - IT IS NOT WORTH IT!!

 
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