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Abuse Support

 

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Whether it's physical, sexual or verbal, abuse is unacceptable. Are you a survivor? How did you cope? Share your story.

If you believe you need immediate assistance, please call your local emergency number or crisis hotline listed in your local phone book's government pages.

You can also find additional resources by clicking here.

Help end the silence on domestic violence.
Comments
Replied By: oceanentity on Oct 30, 2014, 10:15AM - In reply to angelbabe0922
hello , im so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story i feel it will treach someone who needs to understand how sadly common it is becoming for women to be injured or killed after leaving an abusive relationship and you are so right that the laws world wide need to change to protect these women. i wish you all the best in getting this story heard.
 
Replied By: oceanentity on Oct 30, 2014, 10:09AM - In reply to ccforphil
hello thankyou for sharing your story. you had to see way too much as a child and for that im sorry.
 
Replied By: oceanentity on Oct 30, 2014, 10:04AM - In reply to lssanders
hello , how are you today ? it only matters what YOU think of yourself, you know you are not self centered , you know you are well liked by people.  He has no right to put blame on you for everything that goes wrong in his perception. are you in councelling ? can you organise it ?
 
Replied By: tsemily on Oct 29, 2014, 4:23PM - In reply to tsemily
I also ended up incrediably short tempered cause of all of the abuse i went through and my seizures was caused by a head injury at age 3
 
Replied By: tsemily on Oct 29, 2014, 4:21PM
My life was great cause i lived with my grandmother when i was little cause my mother was hardly in my life and when close to 02 came abuse started and my seizures got out of control cause my mother blamed me for nothing and always getting me agruing with my stepfather but everytime we move things just keep getting worse and worse for me cause when we moved to Mechanicsburg Road the trailor court i was getting smacked around by my mothers husband and he's plead sex offender and he also use to bend my fingers big trying to break them and when i report my mother and stepfather for abuse they get away with it cause they kept sending Cindy Beager the bitch cause when they kept sending her my mother would lie and get away with abuse and neglect cause she didn't want to lose money and her life of sex she only cared about and later on when we moved to Virden things got worse and worse cause my mother threaten to kill me in my sleep in Carlinville if i ever told my anger therapist the truth why i'm getting so highly tempered and when i ended up in cooking class i had a break down in it after a month of being in it cause i was holding a knife giving it to my cooking partner and i wasn't the only one getting abused cause my little brother Thomas was as well cause he was getting beat to death in the head with a wooden spoon by our stepdad and when July 3rd came i moved to my grandma's house cause my check came on july 1st of my birthday and she used my seizures as an excuse as always and my seizures ended up under control ever since cause my grandma isn't abusive and nuts like my mother is
 
Replied By: lssanders on Oct 20, 2014, 10:58PM
Now he says I am self centered and the world doesent revolve around me. What?  I do everything he expects from me and it is still like this?? We went out with a friend of ours and had a great time.   I try to be myself and have a good time and then this is what I hear. I read where it is okay to be yourself and to do what is best for you!  But when he sees me with my friends having a nice time, laughing etc. then I hear some crap. I don't take advantage of people and people love me. Jealous maybe?  He doesn't get attention then his world falls apart. Calls me from work whinning and cussing because the computer don't work etc.  Says "YOU don't care YOU don't have to deal with it"  Crap! Crap!
Cray Cray!!!!!
 
Replied By: lssanders on Oct 19, 2014, 9:26AM - In reply to oceanentity
Says I am self centered and the world doesent revolve around me. What?  I do everything he expects from me and it is still like this????  I try to be myself and have a good time and then this is what I hear. I read where it is okay to be yourself and to do what is best for you!  But when he sees me with my friends having a nice time, laughing etc. then I hear some crap. I don't take advantage of people and people love me. Jealous maybe?  He doesn't get attention then his world falls apart. Calls me from work whinning and cussing because the computer don't work etc.  Says "YOU don't care YOU don't have to deal with it"  Crap! Crap!
Cray Cray!!!!!
 
Replied By: shelluch on Oct 16, 2014, 4:58PM
I have been through all three starting with the sexual abuse from the hands of my father when I was just a child. It went on for many years until I was finally given the opportunity to tell. Not only was going through the trial like being raped all over again I then had to deal with the physical abuse that my stepmother put me through for "sending her husband away." I finally managed to get out of that sistuation and moved to live with my real mother (who I never knew) only to be subjected to her mental and drug abuse world. I did however, find some happiness when living with my mother and finding a man that would change my world forever (some for the good, some for the bad). Unfortunatly, my first marriage would be to a very verabally and physically abusive man. After a very tragic incident I finally woke up and got myself out of that sistuation and found my way back to the man who changed my world forever and is now my husband of 21 years. Even when we got back together things were not easy he knew of my past (one of the reasons I believe our relationship is so special, and the first man I ever trusted in my life.) In order for our marriage to survive I wrote a book :Broken Trust" under a pen name. Writing this book was like reliving everything all over again, but it saved me and my marriage. My husband went through every emotional aspect of the way with me as I wrote the book. After the book was finished I found a whole new world, since then I have had peace and happiness in my life. Life is by no means perfect, but I am a survivor and live a happy life with my husband and 4 wonderful children (2 boys from me from the first marriage and a boy and a girl from my husbands first marriage.) I made it my lifes goal that our children would never go through what I went through and I am happy to say that they never have. We have a close, loving family and if Ihave learned anything in life it is that patterns can be broken and surviors can move on to live happy lives. My daughter says it the best. We are a happy dysfunctional family. In reality though is there a family out there that isn't dysfunctional in one way or another. Good luck to all you surviors out there and remember that you to can have the happiness and wonderful life that you deserve (it just takes us a little loner to get there).
 
Replied By: lunawalks on Sep 28, 2014, 3:26AM
I was in a domestic abuse marriage for 20+ years.  I finally was able to get out and get a divorce 10 years ago.  By the time I got out, I was living like I was on autopilot.  I just went through the motions each day and tried to stay out of his way, as well as keep the kids out of his way when he was having a bad day.  That is what he called it. A bad day.  Something didn't go as he wanted it to at work, he brought his bad day home and I got to reap the rewards of it. Yes, I am being sarcastic there.  Sometimes the abuse was physical, but most often it was verbal/emotional and at times it was sexual.  

I am from a generation who still believed that what happens behind closed doors should remain behind closed doors.  You never spoke to anyone about it.  You made the choice to marry that person, so you were expected to take it.  I remember being told , "you made your bed, now lie in it" by ones I tried to go to for help. After a while, i realized that there would be no help for me.  My ex had also convinced me by then that I should be grateful that he married me since no one else would have me.  I was worthless.  We had three children and I had 10 miscarriages.  He was of a religious belief that promoted the ideas of having a large family.  Once the dr said I couldn't have more children, my value dropped even further.  I had to sleep on the couch.  It was the only safe option that would allow me to sleep without waking up to being hit.  Yeah, he would hit me while I slept.  I guess it was being smart as I could not say for a positive fact that he did it on purpose.  

I couldn't make eye contact with others when we were away from home without him wondering how I knew that person, who was nearly always a stranger.  I was conditioned to believe that my family had no use for me or else they would have been trying to stay in contact.  Yet, when someone did contact me, he said that they just wanted something from him.  He argued that they didn't want anything to do with me except to get what they wanted from him.  Through all the abuses that he put towards me, one constant theme was in place.  He was a good Christian man who was simply being a leader in his home.

When I first went to the crisis center, I kept my hair down so that it worked like blinders to keep people from seeing my face if they wre beside me.  My arms were always tightly crossed at my chest and I never made eye contact with anyone.  I spoke in a whisper, saying as little as possible.  Loud noises or voices always had me ready to hide.  The counselor said I had PTSD from the years of abuse and was borderline as to whether my depression needed medication or not.  She never put me on any medication, but gave me coping tools.

Today, I am doing much better.  I live in a different state and have married a man who is a gentle soul.  We have had two children together.  It is odd  to have grown adult children from the first marriage and two young children from the second marriage.  I love my family though.  Even as well as my life is right now, I still have moments when the old feelings of being overwhelmed still creep up on me.  After so many years of being told how worthless I was, it is hard to fully shake it off.  Thankfully, it doesn't happen often.  When my 2nd husband and I got together, I was prone to panic attacks if something was misplaced.  This because of the way I was treated by my ex when he would hide something then make me believe I had lost the item.  One thing that lingers and is still a constant battle is that I am nervous around tall men.  Ex was tall and used his height to intimidate me.  Raised voices or arguements cause em to have to really struggle not to withdrawl inside myself.  My husband and I have never argued, but he and his stepdad used to love to have debates, which sometimes got a bit intense for my comfort.

I am still learning that it is okay to voice an opinion.  I am learning to find my own stregnth.  Talking to people I don't know very well still has the power to make me extremely nervous, but I am getting better at it.  My biggest hurdle at this time is that I still have trouble looking at myself and seeing anything beautiful reflected in the mirror.  I have a few facial scars from my life with my ex and even though they are minor by most people's standards, they are a constant reminder of the abuse.  I was never taught how to use make-up or be girlie, so I am hopeless with trying to cover the scars with makeup.  I dream of dressing in a very feminine way, but that is another area where I am hopelessly ill-equipped.  LOL  I am a rural living wife & mom, so there is really very little opportunity to look girlie anyways, I guess.

What I am trying (and doing a bad job of) saying is that after years of abuse, the healing doesn't come overnight.  Just because you get away from it, doesn't mean that the damage to your mind and spirit magically fades away.  It takes time.  It took years for the abuse to do it's damage.  I feel like I am an onion.  I have lots of layers, just as an onion does.  And just like onions can make you cry, peeling back the layers of the aftermath of abuse in my life can also bring tears.  The good part though is that the tears become theraputic in that they a healing instead of an expression of pain.  Eventually, I will make full peace through my healing.  Until then, I am simply glad for the progress I have made and happy that the good times far outway the days when the past tries to take hold of my emotions.
 
Replied By: ccforphil on Sep 26, 2014, 11:08PM
When I was 9 i watced my father abuse my mother verbally, emotionally and physically. I was 9 when it all came to a head when my father threw her down the hall and saw her hit her head on the bathtub. he had done things earlier all in front of me and when i was younger he would tell me how bad my mother was and asked if i wanted to be alone with her. I remember all the little things and would talk back to him to protect her. i was an only child annd didnt have many friends. after all the emotional abuse i started getting more verbal without bad language, but just asking why he did cettain things. But however in 1969 when i was 9 my father committed suicide in next room and i found him laying there and hearing my mother hysterical on the phone. no 911 back then.  this image is seared in my brain all these years. seeing my mother right afterwoods, was horrible.  My mother had thought about leaving him and taking me but there was nowhere for us to go since she couldnt drive.  After that happened my mother became empowered but I was molested by babysister, but never told anyone until I was 31 and told my husband. I didn't want to hurt my mom any further.    This is why I am so glad to hear that there are safe places to go to. After seeing Laura's House I Thank God there are places for women and children are safe.  I applaud Dr. Phil and Robin for bringing this forward.  I buy the lip gloss which I love and knowing 100% goes for domestic violence it makes me cry from the past and crying for all the victims that don't come forward for help. I understand completely.   My mom developed Alzheimers and my husband and I tried to help her at home but I realized it wasn't safe at home so with much regret and sadness had to place her in a home that takes care of only patients with same issues.  only blessing from Azheimers, she can't remember that time in her life.        Sorry my message was so long but hope girls know there is a soft place to fall as Dr. Phil says.      Thank You      Carol Chappina
 
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