Abuse Support

 

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Whether it's physical, sexual or verbal, abuse is unacceptable. Are you a survivor? How did you cope? Share your story.

If you believe you need immediate assistance, please call your local emergency number or crisis hotline listed in your local phone book's government pages.

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Help end the silence on domestic violence.
Comments
Replied By: lindamw77 on Aug 22, 2016, 10:37PM - In reply to sally_giles
If there are children involved... get them out of the picture because 9 times out of 10 they're being abused too.  you need to report it to the police.  Like Dr. phil says  no man has the right to put his hands on a women.  And if it's a woman doing the abusing, the man just needs to get away from the situation.  Go to the police, go for a walk, talk to a friend, go bowling - throwing that ball will release the hostility.  But be sure to report it to the police abuse from either party is not ok.   As hard as it is, when it's your own child abusing, you have to stand up for what is right.  It could mean saving a life!!!!!  That person needs intervention some how with anger management, or issues with depression, or substance or alcohal abuse.  I don't know the situation.  But he/she needs to find the trigger that sets him/her off and confront it with problem solving tech.  I'm certiainly not a theropist I just remember some of the things Dr. Phil has said and I was a victom of abuse for 18 yrs.  I got out alive.  Best of luck.  Abusers are in denial about something which makes them angry.  The other one has to get out of the situation.  The abuser will only react to help if they want. A counselor said to me once.  I can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped.  So it's the other person that should receive help and know that abuse is not ok.
 
Replied By: lindamw77 on Aug 22, 2016, 10:35PM - In reply to sally_giles
If there are children involved... get them out of the picture because 9 times out of 10 they're being abused too.  you need to report it to the police.  Like Dr. phil says  no man has the right to put his hands on a women.  And if it's a woman doing the abusing, the man just needs to get away from the situation.  Go to the police, go for a walk, talk to a friend, go bowling - throwing that ball will release the hostility.  But be sure to report it to the police abuse from either party is not ok.   As hard as it is, when it's your own child abusing, you have to stand up for what is right.  It could mean saving a life!!!!!  That person needs intervention some how with anger management, or issues with depression, or substance or alcohal abuse.  I don't know the situation.  But he/she needs to find the trigger that sets him/her off and confront it with problem solving tech.  I'm certiainly not a theropist I just remember some of the things Dr. Phil has said and I was a victom of abuse for 18 yrs.  I got out alive.  Best of luck.  Abusers are in denial about something which makes them angry.  The other one has to get out of the situation.  The abuser will only react to help if they want. A counselor said to me once.  I can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped.  So it's the other person that should receive help and know that abuse is not ok.
 
Replied By: xspeakingup on Aug 19, 2016, 9:44AM
The only men in my life from birth proved from their beginnings with me the depths of their wickedness.  Helpless as a 3-year-old (may have begun earlier than this, can only remember back this far) father was a raging alcoholic constantly raging especially when drinking, and emotionally abusive (disgusted with his children, impatient intolerant, frustrated constantly - people who have this experience understand the depth of depravity in a person such as this), and brothers, their friends who were sexually molesting me all before I even knew what my body parts were, or what they signified.  Having fear of death, anxiety, shock, losing innocence, purity, stability, trust, being betrayed, learned in fear how to live, learning to knowi I was also helpless. Praying did not change anything.  Not having anyone to turn to was like being choked - the oppression was horrifying.  On top of all this, everyone otherwise acted in the family as if all was well.  We had great family functions togeher, acting as if nothing wrong ever occurred and stupidly fell for it in hopes these people had changed.  Father has since died, and our relationship was never restored.  Brothers went on with their lives continuing in their denial, betrayal.  Speaking with mother before her death, and seeking consolance from sisters was met with denial, rejection, and saying, get over it, let it go, telling me, "youre paranoid", and that speaking about this would push them away (guess what, you can leave cause I am not shutting up)  This destroyed me and my hope of and trust in and for any good relationships though I have tried to let it all go and life being difficult in and of iteself always have felt like I was "drowning" to survive (know this has to do with the fact none of what occurred against me was ever dealt with).  Knowing what is ideal as relationships has been shaded by these learned, taught lessons of abuse, total disregard, hatred of me and to this day the pain in my heart wells in tears like a permanent scar.  Was not able to protect myself, nor did I have anyone to protect me.

To this day, my relationships with family members are destroyed to a great degree and not because I have not tried to "turn the other cheek," forgive them, but their disregard of me speaks volumes.  

Have sought to receive help,  have worked on this myself, but have come to realize without money (the more money one has, the better help they can receive), there is only so much outside help, as well. 
 
Replied By: xspeakingup on Aug 19, 2016, 9:37AM
The only men in my life from birth proved from their beginnings with me the depths of their wickedness.  Helpless as a 3-year-old (may have begun earlier than this, can only remember back this far) father was a raging alcoholic constantly raging especially when drinking, and emotionally abusive (disgusted with his children, impatient intolerant, frustrated constantly - people who have this experience understand the depth of depravity in a person such as this), and brothers, their friends who were sexually molesting me all before I even knew what my body parts were, or what they signified.  Having fear of death, anxiety, shock, losing innocence, purity, stability, trust, being betrayed, learned in fear how to live, learning to knowi I was also helpless. Praying did not change anything.  Not having anyone to turn to was like being choked - the oppression was horrifying.  On top of all this, everyone otherwise acted in the family as if all was well.  We had great family functions togeher, acting as if nothing wrong ever occurred and stupidly fell for it in hopes these people had changed.  Father has since died, and our relationship was never restored.  Brothers went on with their lives continuing in their denial, betrayal.  Speaking with mother before her death, and seeking consolance from sisters was met with denial, rejection, and saying, get over it, let it go, telling me, "youre paranoid", and that speaking about this would push them away (guess what, you can leave cause I am not shutting up)  This destroyed me and my hope of and trust in and for any good relationships though I have tried to let it all go and life being difficult in and of iteself always have felt like I was "drowning" to survive (know this has to do with the fact none of what occurred against me was ever dealt with).  Knowing what is ideal as relationships has been shaded by these learned, taught lessons of abuse, total disregard, hatred of me and to this day the pain in my heart wells in tears like a permanent scar.  Was not able to protect myself, nor did I have anyone to protect me.
 
Replied By: marisaa92 on Mar 21, 2016, 7:08PM
When I was about 3 years old my mom and dad got a divorce. They were young parents and it just didn't work. The fact that my parents weren't together never affected my life. I saw and still see my dad often enough. After there separation they both moved on. You need to know my mom is not the healthiest person. She had a relationship with a man for about 8 years. He wasn't my favorite person on the world. My little brother (same mom and dad) had a nick name for him, my little dad, I called him by his name. I have one dad and love him to dad. Nobody else will get his place. So when they split up I didn't really had any feelings about it. It only made me hate him more because he kicked us out because of my moms illness. I love my mom and brother and I was fine by the idea to life with just the 3 of us. But that was not the way it would go. My mom was in love. So quickly after the break up we moved to his house. He had a daughter and she was 2 years at the time. Her mom couldn't take care of her so she lived full time in his house. The first year was fine and they got married very quickly. He was good for her, he took care of her. After that day everything changed. He didn't started to fight with my mom. He just needed a sitter for his daughter so he married my mom, now he had a sitter that was there 24/7. Only she still had love goggles on so didn't see that at the time. I was now 11 and my body started to change. More than ones he toughed my boobs and told me the were growing. He bought me night cloths, the sexy kind, as a present. My mom didn't knew. And I was to afraid to tell her. One day my mom brought my brother and step sister to school. I was sick and stayed at home. Like always I got out my bed and lied down in hers to watch TV. I though my mom's husband went to work but he was home. He stayed at home because he was sick. I wanted to step out of the bed but he told me I could stay and watch the show. So I did. I was 11 I didn't know I was at risk. He closed the door and laid down next to me. He hugged me. And then pinned me down. I was completely frozen. Couldn't move a muscle. The first time he pulled my pyama s down I tried to pull them up again. The second time I was to afraid. He began to toughed me. And pulled me closer by the second. And I was saved at the last moment. My mom had called her friend to go to my house. I was alone with him and she would be longer away from home then she tought. When he heard the door he lied back next to me. I still couldn't move. He pulled the covers over me and he waited. When she called him, he just responded. We are in bed watching tv. She came to look in the bedroom and said she was going to make some thea. That was my the voice my body needed. And when she left the room I stepped out of the bed. He asked me: are you sure you don't want more. I never replied, I just left. 




One year later my mom left him. I didn't tell her anything but she was afraid and wanted to leave him before he did something. Her best friend also talked to her. He saved me. Maybe a little bit to late for everything but if we stayed I think I would have killed myself. And he still saves me. He takes care of my mom. He is a man. A man that would die for his family. He lloves my mom, my mother and me and works his butt of to take the pain away and make a future for us that we need.



5 years later I told my mom. And she cried and now 10 years later she still cries if she thinks about it. I never reported it. My mom did but the police needed my to confirm. And I was to afraid. But the day his daughter called me in tears and told me he broke her ribs and arm because she was 20 minutes late. I wrote everything down and told her I had away to save her. To protect her and that I would do everything for her.


I had felt same for 15 years. I was afraid that people would judge me, wouldn't be friends any more, would treat me different of feel sorry for me. But the day everything came out with the story so many people said I was strong. But I learned one thing. I'm not the one you have to feel sorry for. It is never to late to tell your story. And people will believe the truth. 




I'm a Dutch girl so I did my best to tell the story in English.
 
Replied By: ksmith81 on Mar 2, 2016, 8:14AM - In reply to larared31
What did you do hon?
 
Replied By: ccortez1987 on Feb 8, 2016, 11:39AM
I want to tell you all a story. A story of a little girl, a scared little girl. A little girl that was once me. A little girl that could be any of the little girls you encounter on a daily basis. Please share this story. I am ready to tell my story, in hopes that this can help someone else.

The first time it happened my brother and sister went with my grandma to big star, a local grocery store. My grandpa used to lay me on his chest while he was laying down, and like this for years, I fell asleep. This night was different. As I layed there on his chest, at 6 years old, and he "massaged" my back his hands got lower and lower until they were completely over my butt. He proceeded to lower my pants and grope and touch my private parts. My grandma got home at that time so his quickly pulled up my pants and it ended there, that day. It was the beginning of a nightmare.
At that time, we lived in a trailer on lakeshore drive in Marion, Arkansas. At one end of the trailer was "the kids" rooms and at the other end there was a master bedroom where "he" stayed with my grandma. It had double doors, with glass from top to bottom. You could see someone coming clear across the house. What convenience this gave him. I spent many days and nights behind those doors, trapped in his twisted fantasy. I remember day one being home alone with him for whatever reason I was eating a sandwich in the living room and tried so hard to stay really, really quiet... he was sleeping, I prayed I wouldn't wake him up. I failed at my attempt. He came out of that room and headed straight for me. He forced himself on me groping me, fondling etc... again I was about 7 years old! I panicked and got out the only words that I could manage to get out.... "Im hungry!" To that his response was "Im horney!" and continued to have his way with me for hours until my grandma finally came home. Please keep in mind while you are reading this story that I was around 7 years old at this time, less than 100 pounds, and he was a grown man, over 300 pounds!!!! I was terrified of him!
When I was growing up Larry worked for a Morgue. His job was to drive the hearse, delivering the corpse' to funeral homes etc. It was a graveyard job and he always found a way to drag me away with him, giving him full access to me. I remember one time being sodomized in front of DEAD BODIES in the back office of the morgue, door wide open and the only focal point I can grasp is the two dead men laying feet away from me on the embalming table! Larry tried to physically take my virginity at the age of 9. I guess daily forceful oral sex from a child wasn't satisfying him anymore. He layed me on my grandmas bed, the bed they shared together!!! He lifted my legs back as far as they would go and proceeded to try to penetrate me with his penis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All I could get out was a desperate cry of pain! "owwww!" I yelled. over and over again. This didn't even phase him. He continued with failed attempts until I was literally sore and in pain from this!
This continued until I was 12 years old when my drug addict mom decided to get clean and come back for us. Let me ad, that he also did this to her as a child, and she left HER CHILD with the very man who violated her giving him permission basically to do it to me too!!! When she came back I jumped at the fact to move across country to California and live with her!! I thought "ITS FINALLY OVER!" . Man was I wrong!
When I moved to California my grandparents followed ! We all "started over" and the abuse just seemed to stop. For years I bottled it up, telling nooone what I had been through! I acted out in ways that obviously were not healthy and continued to have broken relationships with family and friends because of this. At the age of 16 I ran away from home and ended up getting pregnant with my oldest son Jacob. I cut off contact with my entire family until one day.... One day I heard that my grandparents were finally divorcing, not because of what he did to us kids (yes kids) but because he had an affair. I lost it, I told her everything in a rage of anger one night on the phone! I told her everything he did to me, everything I have written here, plus more! I thought "he is finally going to pay for what he did and someone will finally be in my corner". My grandma initially was furious out to put him away. She took me to the Santa Ana police department and I spent hours at 16 years old (pregnant) recounting all these horrible things he did to me. I was told that since so much time had passed that they could not do anything as far as arresting him but would investigate my accusations. I received a letter a few months later that my accusations were founded and Larry's name was placed on the Arkansas list of Child Maltreatment. But still, no prosecution. Larry has now moved across country, started over and is still up to his same shit! Only now, its with another family.
I have no contact with most of my family because of all of this. My grandma never followed through with getting justice for me, in fact she befriended this man even after the truth came out! I know its crazy! It was a twist to the knife that had already been stabbed in my back.
I still struggle daily with memories and flashbacks. I take medication for anxiety, depression and PTSD. I'm not normal, probably never will be because of what happened. I struggle to trust, I struggle with patience and staying happy. I struggle finding my joy. But I am a survivor, this I know. I will be okay. I will heal, and this is the first step!

I have a facebook support group called healing hearts and I welcome any survivors of abuse to join and unite with us against this horrible epidemic. Please copy and paste the following link to view the facebook page:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1511674979154833/ 
 
Replied By: sally_giles on Jan 26, 2016, 5:02PM
What do you do when you see your own children abusing their spouses?
 
Replied By: sally_giles on Jan 26, 2016, 5:02PM
What do you do when you see your own children abusing their spouses?
 
Replied By: cindylee1227 on Jan 19, 2016, 2:38AM - In reply to cindylee1227
continued advise.


go to a social worker.....ask for help getting yourself in order.  You need to first start with yourself to show the court you are helping yourself, taking care of yourself.  Get physical therapy and medical care to help you get stronger physically so you can care for your child.  Physical therapy...be the best you can be.....then take some classes available in your area so you are out in the community functioning around other people.  The court is not going to even allow visitation if you are holed up in a box with no good influences for a child to be around.   
 
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