Abuse Support

 

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Whether it's physical, sexual or verbal, abuse is unacceptable. Are you a survivor? How did you cope? Share your story.

If you believe you need immediate assistance, please call your local emergency number or crisis hotline listed in your local phone book's government pages.

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Help end the silence on domestic violence.
Comments
Replied By: lorriesworld on May 19, 2017, 3:16PM - In reply to cmwest86
i have had somewhat the same life but my brother abused me sexually for ten years .....things that happened as kids follow you and form your world in so many ways as an adult
 
Replied By: lorriesworld on May 19, 2017, 3:00PM
I was breathing so heavy I was sure he would hear me

or would he hear my heart beating. It was pounding so loud that it may give my hiding place away.

As he went by I held my breath.

I tried so hard not to move.

He was right there. The only thing separating us was this sheet of panelling.

My body was aching to move.  I had to be so still. If he figured out where

I was. He would certainly beat me. Even worse than he had before.

He was so horrible.So mean, Brutal. Maybe even evil. My older brother. The one I should have idolized, trusted with my biggest secrets. Yet, he was my biggest secret.

He had been slamming me around from the time I was very little

He would choke me until i had worn out my energy trying to get him off of me i would start to feel my head going light as if my forehead were about to explode the pressure only relieve by a slight loss of hearing changing it sounded as if i were in. An air locked tunnel them my light would fade and the room would spin and everything went dark then the sharp slap of the hand would bring back a blast of pain and a feeling of bright blinding pain,

I would gasp for breath coughing feeling as if i was breathing threw a tube then more sharp stinging pain

he seemed to get great enjoyment from my pain. He was aroused by the control he had over me.

The more I cried the more he would inflict  pain.

everyday it could possibly be the day that he would go too far and kill me.

Maybe it would be a good thing. As it felt like I spent every waking hour of my life hiding from him or my mother. Why was she  just as vicious and brutal as he was?

i wanted so badly to tell her what was really happening under her own roof

but she could not be trusted If I trusted her and told her. Would she betray me? If she left me alone with him he would most certainly kill me

for years my life appeared so perfect from the outside.  Your home life appeared perfect

So many of my friends had expressed how lucky i must be

to live in this big fancy house and wear such nice clothes

yet here i was hiding huddled under the stairs  behind the

space where the  dog was kept. it stinks but i don't care At least I think I am safe ....for now.

I REALLY WAS NOT SAFE ANYWHERE AND THE YEARS OF ABUSE

PROVED IT TO ME AGAIN AND AGAIN

For me to think that i was lucky was the farthest from my mind

as i huddled under the stairs ....this was a spot i had noticed one day while cleaning the floor in the dog pen

and had thought i might be able to fit there ,the entrance

was in the back of my closet (imagine finding places to hide being in your

thought process)

i felt pretty safe in here ,for now but i could not deny the terror

of hearing his footsteps on the stairs

above me and he was talking out loud to himself or maybe me

he sure sounded mad .

i couldn't come out now for sure he would pound me

and when was mom getting home and why does it smell so bad in here .

thank god the dog was outside or for sure he would give away me being here

my legs are beginning to cramp i feel like i can no longer remain still

just then i hear a voice

calling my name he is saying come out it's ok  he is trying to talk me out

i have long since learnt not to fall for that

his voice is getting louder he is getting closer why can't i hear his footsteps  

omg i think he is right in the room

i can smell him

i wonder if he can smell me ....i have been sweating in this tiny spot

the air i am breathing in is laced with dog poo ....maybe the dog poo covers my smell

i hope .....it seems like i have been in here forever and it was stupid of me to leave my

shoes in the porch

giving away that i was home ...i knew better i knew if i was home and my

older brother

came home he would come after me

i never really could figure out why he targeted me other than convenience

.i was there

from a very young age my brother was always semi aggressive sneakily   with me but

not till we hit the double digits did the rules of the game really change

it started then that the rage from the physical fight was now turning him on he became sexual aroused by the violence he was getting off on beating me up

and then he would rape me and beat me the whole time choking me till

i would pass out

like it never crossed his mind i could die ....more than once i saw stars and

woke up with him slapping my face .thinking about all this just gave me the extra power in myself to stay under

those stairs because yes i was hiding from being raped i knew that now a days

it was never just a beating it was definitely a rape and he had no fear he had

done it to me 100

times before and it was just getting more violent every time

finally the lesser of two evils my mom was home

i will wait till she starts supper and gets settled in then go up stairs claiming

to have fallen asleep watching tv best of all i had not been found all he will know for sure is i was somewhere

in the basement,i could use this spot again
 
Replied By: cmwest86 on May 10, 2017, 7:18AM
i have experienced many different forms of abuse but not as harshly as others have. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining or being whiny. I just have had a weird life I guess. The abuse that probably bothered me the most was that my dad didn't talk to me for 8 years. and my mother didn't want kids so she wasn't loving. They were not here for me emotionally at all. That is the most damaging. I title this its been a decade because I was 12 i think when I was first molested by my best friends dad which happened a few more times. And then at 13-14 I was assaulted multiple times differently by my fathers girl friends nephew. Neither of these stories my parents believed and my mother punished me for the second one by making me work on a hog farm. then lastly someone I thought was a friend tried to assault me, my cousin came home and the guy got up and ran off. So thing had time to happen other than him scaring me. I'm grown up now and married but this still haunts me. And I was watching the show yesterday about the girl who's father made her his wife, I know it is very different but I felt such a connection to her. The things she would say. I felt. I understood having feelings for the abuser and being unsure of what to do once it has stopped. I think after repetitive abuse people don't realize how hard it is to change our mind. I still feel like a child and scared to death when I see these men today.
 
Replied By: patriceherb on May 1, 2017, 2:34PM
Any addiction is a sad thing that haunts all friends and family members of the  Addicts.
We tend not to know when the truth or non-truth is pouring from their mouth and because we normally want to think the best of people we overlook the untruths. 
 I as a friend or family member of an Addict have known so many Addicts from the moment that I was born, to I am sure to the moment I will die that I will know some.

 It can be Alcohol, Gambling, Sex or Drugs or Obsessive behaviors going array or Unmannerly that don't fit the norm and those that slide slightly into a mental illness mannerism.  One tends to go from one into another.

  I have become caught up in it and reacted, overacted tried to fix, help, co-depend, ignore, frustrated, fixated, defend, lie to myself, defend myself from nasty accusations, cry myself and worry  myself to sleep, pray to God on bended knees and mostly blamed myself for every single thing I might have done wrong or did do wrong and rethink what I should of could of would of done over better if given a second chance.  I apologize to all if I am the leading cause, I am sorry for sometimes hating them, over analyzing them, overly caring, overly not caring and playing doctor, nursemaid, problem solver, accountant, caretaker, and judgment maker, whining to others when it became too overwhelming to tolerate  and being overbearing about it to other people about it all along just soul searching.

I have no answers and I have been driven to many things over it, angry, sad and mad and out of control.  I have kind of a similar behavior to Stockholm's syndrome due to the childhood life of learning to accept it and living with it and surviving with it, trapped with no place to escape from it from adults with controlling issues in an addiction making me have PTSD over it.

Yep, by association, I have analyzed myself and became a bit crazed along with just giving into the accepting of any addiction of an addict as people who are just nonconformists, and unwilling, unable to stop the addiction.

I am sure I am not alone and as we walk side by side in life among all I at times just stop in my tracks and give it up to the lord because I can not fix the broken or be the glue to piece back sanity because along this long hard road I lost mind too many times by overthinking it.
So God Bless anyone on any side of this sticky Wicket, including me.
 
Replied By: bcwillia on Mar 22, 2017, 10:16AM
Dear Dr phil

I think Dr Phil needs you be more inclusive with regards to domestic abuse. I am definitely offended at comments like it alright for a woman to hit, punch, but the male is suppose to walk away. I wish Dr Phil would have say that both men and woman should not hit anyone since it seems he is saying it's alright for woman to hit their partner. The point of being on television is to educate us on domestic abuse and not pit one gender against the other. I would have said you the couple that it's not ok to hit him and it's not ok to hit him. Also emotional abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse and no one shoild have to deal with that regardless of gender. Please Dr Phil you really need to talk about domestic abuse on both genders and not through the lens of a woman's point of view.
 
Replied By: lorigrim on Mar 17, 2017, 6:38PM - In reply to lorigrim
Most people can't do it without Dr. Phil
 
Replied By: lorigrim on Mar 17, 2017, 6:29PM
I just have to say that with no money it is impossible to get the people you love help.  I'm tired of dr Phil giving a lot of people crap for "thinking they are helping them" by enabling the user. That's all we know and the only way we as family to actually get through the pain. Yes, it's selfish but we can't see letting a person who is so messed up, who can't gather thoughts and make good decisions let him lose his job and apartment and become homeless when we can at least stop,those things for happening,  I'm sorry but they become our problems!!!  I know dr phil will say we are just helping kill him. But it is our natural inclination to also protect ourselves.  In this world, the way healthcare is, we have no chance to help the addicts UNLESS you aremfortunate enough to get on dr Phil and have him help. Otherwise, we are stuck not affording the care and accessibility to the care these addicts need. I don't want to,get hammered on dr Phil because I am enabling!  Guess what? that's our human nature.  When you don't have $$$$$ that's our human nature to do what you have to do for the time being..   It is sad, because if he dies, we didn't help, but neither did our healthcare system.  maybe the next show should be about the resources for poor people to get the help we need. at this point I a, just waiting for my brother to,die. We need support from our constituents, senators, councilman, etc...  As may laws have passed I still can't get him affordable help
 
Replied By: malli12 on Mar 14, 2017, 10:19AM - In reply to allice123
I know it sounds harsh, but sometimes to save yourself you have to actually cut the cord.  I've had to do that to survive and have a life today.  


Sometimes you have to put yourself first. I know you're concerned about your mothers welfare, but that's her choice to make. You can make your own choices too.  I have had to do the same and at first it feels wrong, or like you're being a biotch or something, but hang in there and after a time it all falls into place.  Life is short, don't allow other people to steal your joy out of guilt or obgligation. We all have choices, and sometimes we need to be our own advocates. 


Good luck with your situation

 
Replied By: allice123 on Mar 13, 2017, 4:40PM
Both my father and step father were extremely bad men. Apparently my father did worse things than my step dad, but I was too young to remember much. I do remember all the painful and horrible things that happened while I lived in my stepfather's house. My mother and older sister took the majority​ of the physical abuse just so I could be safe. After my sister graduated high school and moved out, it was like there was nothing left to stop my stepdad from using his rage towards me. My mother had given up. I would tell her all the horrible things he did, and she would say she didn't believe me. I guess it was easier that way. She and I have a great relationship today, because we both don't acknowledge what happened to each other. But I still suffer from extreme PTSD due to the torment. I start to physical get ill any time I hear a couple argue. Now I'm a mother living with a house across town with the father of my child, and I find that my unresolved issues with what has happened causes problems in our current relationship. I want to be able to function like a normal person, but that is so hard to do when my mother is still living with my stepfather. I am forced to see him everywhere; he even comes to our family events like my birthday and my daughter's birthday. I hold my tongue and let him continue to hold power over me, because I'm afraid to upset him. If he's angry, he would just take it out on my mother. She does not want help and will deny everything. She says she loves him, she can't support her lifestyle on her own. Her problems with alcoholism adds fuel to the fire. I am so happy to free from that household, but I am still terrified of him and what he can do. So in a way, I feel he still controls my life.
 
Replied By: je55ica29 on Mar 13, 2017, 7:23AM - In reply to spalife
My childrens father used to stalk me. He'd call me and repeat conversations I just had in my own home 5 minutes before his call. I had panic attacks too. It's been 5 years since I left him and he has stopped. The was an end for me. I hope yours comes soon. Ignore as much as possible and focus on what your doing and posting. I love looking back at the end of a week and seeing my social media pages full good things. Keeps my mind off the bad and makes the bad things feel less important. It helps if i refuse to let myself see him or his opinions ;)
 
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