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Whether it's physical, sexual or verbal, abuse is unacceptable. Are you a survivor? How did you cope? Share your story.

If you believe you need immediate assistance, please call your local emergency number or crisis hotline listed in your local phone book's government pages.

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Help end the silence on domestic violence.
Replied By: ltgifts on Nov 24, 2014, 1:07AM - In reply to canadastudent
It's incredible that none of your family believes you.  And yet, I know how families cover things up or want to put the blame on someone else.  it's in our family too.  My own sister accused my daughter of deserviing the molestation she got from an uncle when she was only 15!  I still can hardly think of her accusation without pain and anger.  No wman EVER deserves to be molested or is in any way responsible for it!  How ridiculous.

Your pain is proof of your story.  This is not the way it should be.  You have your life before you and you should be happy and looking forward to life.  How can anyone say these things did not happen to you when you are suffering so?!

But the truth is people don't want to know!  Like my sister who's married to the pervert and won't leave him even though he's been proven again and again to be a pervert.  It's such a disgusting thiing that we all just want to forget it ever happened. 

There's no reason why you should continue to try to have a relationship with your mother.  She has hardly BEEN a mother to you!  'Adopt' another mother--someone who will really care for you.  No, you're not too old.  Look around you and see if there isn't some older woman you respect who you could reach out to, even someone old enough to be your grandmother.  Relationships are made not born--especially in your case. 
Replied By: ltgifts on Nov 24, 2014, 12:42AM - In reply to hopeann1970
You hit the nail on the head--when someone you're supposed to TRUST and someone who's supposed to protect you abuses you, your world gets completely  messed up.  How can you ever trust again?  Adults have a hard enough time with such issues but for an innocent child it is impossible.  And then the unjustified shame and forced secrecy and often family not believing you or just wanting to keep it quiet---it's a formula for a lifetime of misery.

You are so not alone!  My daughter is in her 40's and still dealing with molestation from an uncle.  It permeates her whole life and every relationship.  And although I was furious at the time and still am, I did not understand the depth of the problem.   If only society would deal properly with these perverts!  But when I did not understand what to do and when my own sister won't deal with it and pushes it under the carpet, there's little hope. 

But you KNOW how terrible it is and you are a voice to be heard.  Keep writing and telling your story and try to help others keep their children safe and especially to DEAL with family members who are perverts.  Maybe by speaking up and trying to stop this terrible crime you can make more sense of your own pain.  Ignorance is NOT bliss and there is so much ignorance out there about this secret crime. 

I'm amazed that you were able to stop your abuser at such an early age.  So many go through many many years of abuse not knowing what to do and being told they have to keep it a secret.  But it only takes once to last a lifetime. 

I pray you will find peace.

Replied By: ltgifts on Nov 24, 2014, 12:13AM - In reply to dawgman40
I cannot believe how hard turning your brother in must have been!  And then to have your parents BLAME you!  I am thankful Dr. Phil makes these things clear but still there are too many people who don't understand.  Child molesters DON'T change!  There is nothing you could have done for your brother but what you did-remove him from society so he could not harm anyone.

It took guts and I know you're still suffering for doing what is right.  EXACTLY what the Bible says, You will suffer for doing what's right.  I'm so sorry because it's hard enough that you had to do what you had to do but to have your family against you makes it a thousand times harder.

You did the right thing and I applaud you!
Replied By: dianenz on Nov 24, 2014, 12:09AM - In reply to dawgman40
You did the right thing. I'm sorry you're suffering.  (((hugs))))
Replied By: ltgifts on Nov 23, 2014, 11:20PM
My daughter was touched inappropriately by my brother-in-law many years ago.  She has only recently understood that she does not need to feel guilty about not going to family get-togethers when he'll be there.  That is partly my fault for not understanding her pain.  She had seemed to be OK around him (it's been over 20 years ago) and I mistakenly thought that her forgiveness (and she has forgiven him somewhat) meant she was OK with him. 

Now I understand because just recently he has tried to feel me up.  I was flabbergasted.  The mother of the girl whose life he nearly ruined?!  Unbelievable.  AND it was the SAME problem--wanting to touch breasts.  I shunned him and told two of my sisters about it--and yes the one who is married to him was one of them.  Although angry, she was not overly surprised nor does she intend to do anything about it obviously. 

I really feel like moving away because we live just down the street from them.  But I have a brother and another sister also living near...

For now I just try to stay away from him but we have family get-togethers and he's of course there.  I'm not worried about me and he hasn't tried anything again anyway.  But I struggle to know how to treat him.  I don't hate him but now I know he has not changed I think of him as a pervert and don't want to be around him.  And I certainly don't want my grandchildren around him.

I wish with all my heart my sister would leave him but as long as the rest of the family accepts him and goes to their house she won't do anything.  i love my sister and feel for her so I still go over to her house and I treat her husband respectfully but....

Well, I just don't know what to do.  The family knows what he did to my daughter and at least two of them know what he tried to do with me and yet they don't even try to stay away from him.  But my granddaughter is going to be living here soon and there's no way I want her around him. 

It's so hard because unless they've been through it most don't understand and so it is with my family.  They think it's just an aberration that won't happen again and just push it under the carpet because they don't want to upset the applecart.

Please advise!
Replied By: ltgifts on Nov 23, 2014, 11:00PM - In reply to mscreative
Yes you are doing the right thing!  Family events are not as important as your daughter's safety.  But I think you are going to have to tell your family why you don't want your father near your little girl.  Don't any of them have children of their own?  They should be warned!  You wouldn't be able to live with yourself if something happened to one of your nieces or a friend's daughter.  There's one thing for sure--your father WILL do what he did again.  They don't change!!!

You stick to your guns and no matter what it takes--even a complete family rift--do NOT let that man touch your child.  He should be locked up and your mother certainly should not have stayed with him.  If ever you must be in the same area as your father tell him quite plainly that he is NEVER to touch your little girl--not in any way shape or form.  Don't ignore it or even try to keep it quiet because more than likely the older your little girl gets the more of a temptation it will be to him. 

Just make it a rule that if your father is going to be at an event you won't be coming.  You have no responsibility to EVER have to be in his company again and if your mother doesn't understand that then she needs to talk to Dr. Phil!

Keep your daughter safe at all costs!
Replied By: ltgifts on Nov 23, 2014, 10:47PM - In reply to mscreative
I'm new here so don't know if I'm doing this right.  So I'm going to post this to see that it's in the right place first.

Replied By: dianenz on Nov 23, 2014, 10:25PM - In reply to lisher
I am sorry you're dealing with this. I have a similar thing with my step father and grandfather. My rule is my child do not meet or spend time with child molesters. End of discussion.  I'm stunned that everyone doesn't feel this way.  Your job, first and foremost, is to protect your children. Your job is not to take care of other adults and their feelings.

Again, I'm so sorry you're having these issues.
Replied By: hynes123 on Nov 23, 2014, 9:07PM - In reply to vickimarie53
Hi Vicki,

I was actually thinking of doing something nice for others. For several years I sponsored a needy family Christmas time. I have not done it in two years due to my depression was at its worse. This year I was thinking on buys hats, mittens, scarfs and blankets along with a $5.00 Tim Hortons gift card to buy a coffee, hot chocolate for themselves. I always enjoy helping others, been like it all of my life. It does make you feel good helping others. 

Us victims have to learn how to deal with our depression, our guilt, our dirty feeling etc. won't be easy and may take years but we got to stop pushing away the ones that do love and care for us.  

Thank you. Hugs
Replied By: annsatoms on Nov 23, 2014, 4:21PM - In reply to vsleevslee
My age is 66.  I have little contact with my sister and her family because they are in denial about the abuse in my teens.  I knew sexual abuse, extreme emotional abuse, and violence - threats with gun, knife and fist.  My family means far less to me than my integrity (took me a long time to get here).  I am a proud survivor who has given back.  Their denial is far more cruel than my confrontation with the truth.  The years I have left are going to be spent with people who love all of me, my truth and positive exchanges.
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