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Whether it's physical, sexual or verbal, abuse is unacceptable. Are you a survivor? How did you cope? Share your story.

If you believe you need immediate assistance, please call your local emergency number or crisis hotline listed in your local phone book's government pages.

You can also find additional resources by clicking here.

Help end the silence on domestic violence.
Comments
Replied By: lydiasg on Apr 15, 2014, 12:15PM
Yes Im a survivor . .At first I thought it was ok. He from the start was always very controlling and jealous wit me.. He hit me first when we were first married for something that I said wrong. Dont know why I thought it was ok. I never saw my parents fight but thought it was something that all married couples go thru. We were very young . 15 he 17. He promised he wouldnt do it again and I believed him. After settling down and starting a family it happened again with our 2nd child. Never said anything to anybody. Maybe that was my mistake. Many times I wanted to tell my mom but I felt that she would say "I told you so that you were too young to marry " so I never told her. It was ok for many yrs . In fact we stayed married for over 20 yrs when suddenly it happened again and this time it was for his jealous mind. Saying to me that why was I looking at his sisters husband ? Wow I said you are crazy and telling me lets go to the room and talk. We were having a party that day so there were many people at our house. We started arguing and he slapped me so hard I fell down . Screamed out to have someone hear us and suddenly his sister came and wanted to know what was wrong > Why was I crying ? She looked at him and at my bloody lip and closed the door. Before I knew it the whole family knew about what had happened and thats when I decided to leave him. I didnt care about nothing. I gave it a week and filed for divorce papers. He of course tried to convince me that he was sorry but I got to the point where I just started to hate him and I knew that wasnt good . I told my kids which at the time were already grown that we were divorcing and whatever they wanted to do stay with him or me it was entirely up to them. They all 3 of them decided to come with me and so we all went to stay with my sister who lived in Oregon. It was hard at first but eventually I got myself a job and was able to go on with my life without the fear of having being told what I could or couldnt do.  I truly started to enjoy my life. My kids are all grown married and they all have their own lives now and I am now a retired woman living happy and free. I would never accept anyone to lay there hands on me again..As for my ex husband ?? He ended up in jail after hitting his new wife. 
 
Replied By: clamchatter on Apr 14, 2014, 6:23PM
I wish Dr. Phil had been around when I was a child. I do no know if there were the laws and resources available then as there are now. The period of time I am referring to is the 1950-1960.

There was a lot of physical and mental/emotional abuse. Thankfully, no sexual. There might as well have been though as there wasn't any privacy. He was just terrible.

I did call the cops on him one time. The cops came, he denied everything. From the on, whenever he started his tirade, he would always turn to me and say  "my name" are you going to call the cops again? I would just stick out my chin and glare at him.

How I wish I would have done more to end it before it did when he died when I was 19. By then it was too late for me. Of all the 5 children I was affected by it the most.

I was able to keep a diary of what went on in that house on a daily basis. What happened - as it was happening - and what was said. I still have the diary. Why I keep it I don't know.

I have come a long way in recovering from my childhood. It has not been easy.











 
Replied By: oceanentity on Apr 7, 2014, 8:01AM - In reply to oceanentity
our court case is coming up in two weeks .. then some closure and healing may begin again.


for us mothers the grief runs deep but we must role model strength and the ability to heal so our children especially the one in which the abuse was focused will feel safe , wanted and empowered by their disclosure, it is usually the fear of mother being hurt that is a small part that prevents them from telling. We empower them we empower ourselves .
 
Replied By: oceanentity on Apr 7, 2014, 7:56AM - In reply to danarene1962
hi , i found out just over a year a half ago my husband of 14 years sexually abused our daughter , he raised her from age 16 months it started when she was 4 until 12. he did not sexually abuse our biological daughter.


how do we not know ? not see it ? we are also part of the grooming process , along with our friends , teachers,community. they build up a reputation . my child never had any of the signs i was trained to see ? she was a birght spark , happy. any tantrums seemed to coincide with her age or stage back then . I cant stress specialised councelling more it has single handedly helped me on the healing and deeper path to understanding. through this i am able to identify some indicators i missed in her behavior ( none a mother would be alarmed to but they are there ) 


It is through our thoughts and feelings other mothers may read signs , maybe we can help a child, help them out of their abuse with the absolute shock and knowledge we have now , that it went on behind our backs while we slept while we worked , while we rocked our other babies to sleep , at really happy times of our lives. i was pregnant when my daughters abuse began , that to me is mind boggling because it was the most happiest i had been in my life the most in love. he was attentative, we had a normal intimate life, we were open and in love ( thats my feelings at the time) 


of course as again with councelling and that process i am able to break parts down of course this done with the depression i am suffering and fear of my future. but i see the flaws i probably didnt see in him that would help me to start to understand the why ? and how ? of it. 


theres a brilliant site for mothers of sexually abused children MOSAC have a look there is a wealth of information and supoort there or under headings of similar names. 


He needs to be reported , he will abuse again but it has to be in your daughters time, or a warning to the new wife or her family to supoort and talk with her children. 


you arent alone so many children are sexually abused and they all have mothers. 
 
Replied By: honeymama8880 on Mar 21, 2014, 9:45PM
I am a survivor of incest.  Two of my sisters committed suicide.  I reported to our church pastor that three men in the church had molested my sisters and I including our father.  My grandfather, the founder of the church, was the first to molest me.  Our church told us to forgive and forget and we were never allowed to discuss it.  The church did not report the abuse as they are mandated by law.  Due to their negligence I was robbed of the ability to receive justice.  Years later, after I received enough counseling to be strong enough to seek justice, the statute of limitations protected all the men who molested me.  I realize I will never receive justice for the crimes committed against me but I would at least like to tell everyone my story.  People need to know about the churches involvement in hiding these crimes.  I know for a fact that their negligence caused additional people to be molested.  I told on my father to protect my baby sister but it was of no use.  Due to the churches negligence, she was molested by my father as well.  All five of my sisters were.
 
Replied By: justjessie718 on Mar 19, 2014, 3:00PM
I hope the woman is smart enough to know that the man she was with is only doing the rehab/counseling because he thinks they will be right back together after he completes the program.  Just because he does the program does not mean he will change.  I was involved with two abusive relationships, and they do not change.  I went through the same.thing, and I know the way they think, why they do the things they do just to draw you back in.  Next time, you may not escape with your life.  Don't take him back.  Get a full stay away order, that is permanent.
 
Replied By: amysgrangran on Feb 20, 2014, 2:09AM - In reply to camelnose
I always find it hard to join in a discussion that has gone on for a long time. I'll just write as if this is the first post.

I grew up with a double layer abuse. Because the second layer was so horrific it took me way into my adult years before I realized that the first layer was abuse.

Now that I look at it as if those things had happened to someone else I would feel angry and compassionate towards them. I do struggle to give me that same privilage. You think that you have reached that point but let something come along, like watching some old Dr Phil Shows...on You Tube) then you realize that you (I) haven't gone as far forward as you think.

I came from a dysfunctional family. beatings from both parents. How could I think that was normal...even though I had see so many healthy families. More painful is the emotional and verbal abuse. But strangly enough is that the thing that hurts most is not having my mother read books to me, to put me on her lap and just love me and that sort of thing. Also, I miss being Daddy's little girl where I could feel safe.

I've watched my 4 children and longed to have a childhood that they had. We made many mistakes, but we gave them love, lots of it. We would ask them if their love bucket was full.

I realize that because this abuse is shadowed by a much worse abuse I have not really dealt with it. At times that I have tried to talk about it either people don't get it or I'm made to feel guilty for not honouring my parents. I don't believe I am dishonouring them when I speak the truth. If I behaves in a disrespectful way towards them then paint me with a brush. My Dad died just over a year ago. I first of all felt relief and then angry because he can't shed light on some things I want him to. Ridiculous as this may sound I feel he took the cowards way out.

Well that's a little about me. B.T.W I come from South Africa. Looking forward to meeting you.
 
Replied By: secretsunravel on Feb 17, 2014, 2:36PM - In reply to goodswin
I disagree with forgiving the person who abused you as a child. I beleive the way to move forward is to tell the stories over and over until they lose their power. Forgiveness is not neccessary!!!
 
Replied By: serbov on Feb 16, 2014, 3:49AM
Hi ! How someone can change the past ? When the past memory hunting you all time , cheange your personality , change how you are and controling you life ... i can do nothing about it , becouse i'm as this all time , i know is not normal ,becouse everybody run from me !
 
Replied By: goodswin on Feb 15, 2014, 5:19PM
Hi Dr Phil i love your shows and watch you all the time on you tube as i live in the uk. I have posted on this page before but i just want to say that the only way you can move on from sexual abuse and rape is to forgive the person that done this to you. I was sexual abused for over ten years by my step father i also was raped by a family friend when i was six. It took me a long time to stop feeling so guilty and stop being so mad with everyone but over the past few months i have leant to forgive the people who have hurt me i have felt so much peace and my abusers have not got the power over me anymore. I still get times when i think about the abuse and rape but i don,,t let it take over my life any more. I have just wrote a book about my rape and abuse and i would to get it publish and i would love to help other people who have been abused to. I am now doing a GCSE english course and i start a maths one next month and i am a fundraiser and love helping over people
 
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