Sign up for the Dr. Phil Newsletter
Twitter Facebook YouTube

Abuse Support

 

This content requires the Adobe Flash Player and a browser with JavaScript enabled. Please install the latest version of the Adobe Flash Player.

Get Adobe Flash Player

Whether it's physical, sexual or verbal, abuse is unacceptable. Are you a survivor? How did you cope? Share your story.

If you believe you need immediate assistance, please call your local emergency number or crisis hotline listed in your local phone book's government pages.

You can also find additional resources by clicking here.

Help end the silence on domestic violence.
Comments
Replied By: oceanentity on Sep 19, 2014, 4:36AM - In reply to jesssedgwiick
hello , there must be a magnitude of posts here to personally address each but i can imagine your frustration when all you want is support. i think eventually someone is drawn to a post and compelled to eventually reply or offer suppprt. you know just the ACT of " getting your story "out can be therapeutic in itself .. why not give it a trry and see what happens. hope you are ok.
 
Replied By: oceanentity on Sep 19, 2014, 3:55AM - In reply to believe56
Hello , I hear you. i connect to you. thank you SO much for sharing this story . I AM so sorry that your government doesnt really support you in the way needed for you to feel safe and protected. That you may feel like a survivor ..but sadly this hasnt been the case , if its a comfort we are the women paving the way for other survivors of violence, challenging a MALE based system where im sure the underlying beliefs is still supporting violence against women on every level , it is reflected in our current laws world wide. Im so sorry you have lost your father that in itself is trajic and a major life event and that you are going through all this with your husband makes it even the more intolerable. I call this system abuse ..its rampant and needs to change it needs to be stopped. and it takes women like you like me to change it. To sacrifice and keep fighting. 


please try and stay sane in all of this ... i KNOW through experience how hard it is ...how debilitating. the losses ... but through this DO not lose your heart , your soul your fight. thats when they win... 




HUGS xxx
 
Replied By: oceanentity on Sep 19, 2014, 3:47AM - In reply to carefulheart
hello and thank you for SO bravely sharing what must be such a traumatic situation for you on every level !!! how dare he put his hands on his mother ! it IS NOT OK ! he has gone too far , pulling hair out even ! i really feel for you and want to send you hugs and support in this moment. He needs to go , i know thats easier said than done right , but with time and support hopefully through councelling you will find the strength to remedy this terrible situation , either remove him from your home or enrolled in anger management. There is NO excuse for what he is doing to you of course there will be underlying issues with him as to why he chosses to react and abuse you , but he needs to know it is NOT alright NEVER alright to resort to violence in any way shape or form. From many shows on this ive seen with DR Phil i know he would tell you to call the police and have him charged , i know this would be hard as a mother but you would be doing this to HELP him not hinder him in anyway, you really need to keep this trail of thought in your mind. IF not he WILL abusive future partners and children , YOU need to save yourself, set the clear boundary that you DO NOT tolerate this violence by calling the police . Please consider what i am saying. Please seek the help you need to remedy this.




xx
 
Replied By: oceanentity on Sep 19, 2014, 3:35AM - In reply to lssanders
hello , how are YOU ? you are in a dangerous situation sweetie i really feel for you . NO man should say even in gest that he would KILL you. you are a WORTHY human being , you ARE deserving of respect and love JUST as you are nothing more nothing less.please go to a domestic violence outreach service and gather some guidance and support please, do not be embarrassed or ashamed to do so. do it FOR you please.start the process of coming back to yourself because SHE is within you, she wants more in life , SHE wants happiness and to wakeup energectic and happy to live. please come back and let us know how you are. xxx
 
Replied By: vanguardgroup on Sep 18, 2014, 3:48PM - In reply to believe56
"Call your Brother and/or Father and/or Grandfather!

Vanguardgroup
 
Replied By: vanguardgroup on Sep 18, 2014, 3:45PM
Dear Leslie,

 

Upon reading the Outlook and Opinions article you authored in last Sunday’s (September 14th, 2014) edition of the Washington Post Newspaper entitled “He held a gun to my head.  I loved him” my thoughts instantly focused on one of my Granddaughters.  No, your story in no way shape or form has any reference to my Granddaughters; it was used for information only.  My Granddaughter’s know that their Grandfather has a zero level of tolerance for anybody who may remotely think about committing such an act against a female member of our family.  In fact, it would be highly recommended that they apologize if they were to even dream or think about making such a decision.  I personally believe every person is responsible for their actions and there can be no exceptions for “making a mistake, or being sorry, or being drunk, etc.” 

 

Several points in the article disturbed me and brought back a remembrance of a very close friend who suffered the loss of a Daughter and two Grandchildren at the hands of an abuser.  Without painting a dreadful picture of fear, I asked my friend many times why he did not handle the abuse of his Daughter earlier in her relationship.  Frankly speaking, he would have been subjected to similarities of ISIS.  Simply stated, “I have a zero tolerance for any form of abuse against women; especially the women in my family.”  Ray Rice and Chris Brown would have been crippled for life, and that would have been the first action!

 

My Grandmother and Grandfather taught me that “you never hit a woman because you would not want someone to hit your Mother.”  Being born in a single parent family, having no formal college education, having an absent Father, or a host of other senseless reasons is a reason for abusing anyone especially someone who you claim to love.  My Granddaughters Grandfather is a very serious Man who under certain circumstances should be classified as dangerous.  He has faults which hold no leniency should a situation as profiled in your article present itself.  I have several rules which are practiced and most often delivered when carried to the edge.  “The best defense against the treacherous is treachery” and “If you must hurt a Man, do it so brutally that you not fear his revenge”.  Oh, and my most important rule is “Revenge is best served cold.”

 

I hope the Fathers, Grandfathers, Uncles, Brothers, and Cousins of Ms. Ray Rice and Rihanna take the time to talk with the women in their family.  I can absolutely assure you that the women in my family know who to call when some man or significant other intimidates, expresses, or indicates in any manner the threat of abuse…they call Tyrone.

 

Leslie, I am sorry for your situation and hope the scars of your experiences are not an everlasting memory in your life.  “Boy, I sure wish you had been my Sister!”

 

Tyrone M. Frisby, President

Vanguard International Consultants Group, LLC

www.vanguardinternationalconsultantsgroupllc.com

“Knowledge, Integrity, and Perseverance”

18889 Waring Station Road  Suite 108

Germantown, Maryland 20874

301.569-6869

tmfrisby@comcast.net

tyrone@veterancentral.org

www.veterancentral.org

www.linkedin.com/in/tyronefrisby

www.directlendersins.com 

 



The typewritten signature included with this e-mail is not an electronic signature within the meaning of Electronic Signatures in Global and National Commerce Act or any other law of similar import, including without limitation, the Uniform Electronic Transactions Act, as the same may be enacted in any State. This e-mail, and any attachments hereto, is intended only for use by the addressee(s) named herein and may contain legally privileged and/or confidential information. Any review, retransmission, dissemination or other use of, or taking of any action in reliance upon, this information by persons or entities other than the intended recipient is prohibited. If you have received this e-mail in error, please contact the sender at 301.569-6869 and permanently delete the original and any copy of this e-mail from any computer and destroy any printout thereof.

 
 
Replied By: kimergirl on Aug 28, 2014, 12:03AM
Hi Dr. Phil or Robin. I would truly be honored to speakw ith either one of you. I have tried everything, and I do not trust easily. Lately at now 50 yrs old, I am trying to keep myslef distracted from thinking about, well, um...things I know I don't want to do to myself.  I have two beautiful sons and they are my world. I know they need me and I need them, I have protected them all their lives. They are 25 and 20.  I have lost both parents. My mom was only 55 and fought cancer for 3 years. My dad died 18 mos before her from a heart attack at age 57. He was my abuser from the time I can remmeber. I'm pretty sure my teacher's knew, my doctor knew, and I know my mom knew. She was being abised too. But I protected her. My mom didn't have a very good life growing up. I have a bro. 9 years younger than me, and I was trying to protect him. But I didn't need to, he was my dads trophy. He loved my brother....but I wasn't needed  I married at 21 yrs old. I thought that was a smart thing to do. But, he became an alcholic after I had my 2nd son. He was 2 when he starte getting verbally abusive to me, and was showing signs of physical abuse as well. He chose to have an affair, because he found out about my past abuse, and wanted nothing to do with it. He even said if he had known, he would have never married me, and that if I needed counseling I could go ahead and go alone. So I did. I went to 4 counselors. The 4th one being a Christian counselor, and after looking at him like a father figure (He was almost 15 yrs older than me), and literally getting aroused at what I was trying to counsel for, he raped me, not once. but twice.  He came to my home and would not leave me alone. He had an awful temper. He caused my 3rd back surgery, he picked me up and threw me down in my hallway. I couldn't move until my sons came home from school. The first two back surgeries were caused by my dad. I have had a total of 5 now. I was told It will get much. much worse and it is starting to. I have been fused several times in my lumbar and my cervical area. with pins and rods and a mesh titanium cage. I also have has my Thyrois out due to a cancer scare 6 yrs ago.  I always wanted to report the man/Pastor/counselor who raped me, but I only trust my sons (My ex husband doesn't even kow what he did to me, he is remarried).  He has done this type of grooming to two other women he supposedy counseled.  One woman took him to court. She lost because of the support (Pastorily) he had. She left the area for good. She would not help me, and neither of the other one. so I was stuck. He has threatened me and still is doing so. Dr. Phil or Robin, I have a really bad back (Failed back syndrome) and I am scared of him. He has already cause my 3rd surgery. So I have tried to get help, but no one says they are qualified to counsel me about this. I am having such a hard time getting by all of this. I am a believer in Jesus Christ and I always will be. I know that's how I got through all of this so far. But I have night tremors, and sweats and I wake up with vivid memories. Just started about 2 years ago doing that.  I pray you have the time to help me. But I don't want to bother you either. I just feel as tho I don't fit in this world anymore. I don't know what to do, and I am shutting myself off to the world around me. Thank you for reading this. Blessings, Kim Grussing
 
Replied By: bairbre on Aug 18, 2014, 9:56AM
I was isolated. Was not permitted to live to my fullest potential. When I did try to leave, he killed my dog,  another time he gave away my car.   Then turned it all on me.  Of course I believed it,  there was no one to help me remember who I was.  


It snuck up on me,  I was a happy person, full of real joy and my humour was becoming blacker and blacker.  


My friends were alienated,  I was not presentable to the public,  and was only permitted to join the company dinners when his managers had met me.  


How do you explain to someone else the reason you left it so long to leave was because you are forced into the pretence of his protection. 


I thought I was imagining the whole cycle,   I was pretending to be the victim, until the last day.  He had met someone new. I was leaving my children. My home.  I was sobbing,  but had a memory of relief....and he said it:


"AT LEAST I NEVER HIT YOU" 
 
Replied By: bennettshelly on Aug 2, 2014, 1:18PM - In reply to sassyindian
Life has a not so funny way of pointing us in the right direction. I tell myself everyday  that GOD did not let all the bad happen for no reason. It all has a purpose. You capitlazed on your hardships. People like you inspire. Thankyou for your story.
 
Replied By: believe56 on Jul 16, 2014, 2:22PM
Dr. Phil,

I wrote to you several months ago with my story with the hopes that I could create awareness.  I was married for 15 years and endure physical and emotional abuse.  In 2008 I was held at gun point and was physically abused while my 4 year old daugther slept in the other room.  Held capture for hours until the storm passed the next day I found the strength to call for help.  But like so many women I couldn't believe it was happening to me.  I felt like I was living someone elses life.  The guilt and shame was overwhelming, I desperately didn't want this to be happening.  What I did next is what I 'thought' I should.  I secured the best attorney for my husband, the best counslers and best programs offered for sustance abuse.  Thousands of dollars later it seemed he was on the right road.  How I could be so wrong is beyond me.  I mean I am an educated women, with a great career and have been successful in all aspects of my life.  Here I am 5 years later and experiencing the same thing.  I finally got the courage to say NO MORE and filed for divorce in Sept 2013.  I received a no contact protective order which he violated 4 times, I received a domestic abuse protective order which he violated 3 times!  When I pressed charges, they were all dismissed.  So here I am with a piece of paper that says I am protected, but am I?  His most recent espisode was to be seen lurking in my backyard.  Again, no action taken against him.  But the emotional abuse continues, but this time it is from my husband and the court system.  At my pre-trial hearing I was ordered to pay my abuser alimony!  Imagine having to pay the one person who disrupted your life and abused you because the laws are so outdated.  Needless to say, alimony needs to be reformed country wide.    Just when I worked and paid attorney's to protect my daugther I felt the worse was over, but once again I am on the receiving end of outdated laws.  While trying to deal with the divorce I lost my father, my rock.  And, yes to my surprise, now my inheritance is being looked at as an asset even though my father knew what a horrible person my husband was he protected it in a trust, but family law is so different.


There should be laws that protect a person who is a victim of abuse from being emotionally, physically and now financially protected.


No one seems to hear, do you hear me?
 
Showing 1-10 of total 1680 Comments