Abuse Support

 

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Whether it's physical, sexual or verbal, abuse is unacceptable. Are you a survivor? How did you cope? Share your story.

If you believe you need immediate assistance, please call your local emergency number or crisis hotline listed in your local phone book's government pages.

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Help end the silence on domestic violence.
Comments
Replied By: marisaa92 on Mar 21, 2016, 7:08PM
When I was about 3 years old my mom and dad got a divorce. They were young parents and it just didn't work. The fact that my parents weren't together never affected my life. I saw and still see my dad often enough. After there separation they both moved on. You need to know my mom is not the healthiest person. She had a relationship with a man for about 8 years. He wasn't my favorite person on the world. My little brother (same mom and dad) had a nick name for him, my little dad, I called him by his name. I have one dad and love him to dad. Nobody else will get his place. So when they split up I didn't really had any feelings about it. It only made me hate him more because he kicked us out because of my moms illness. I love my mom and brother and I was fine by the idea to life with just the 3 of us. But that was not the way it would go. My mom was in love. So quickly after the break up we moved to his house. He had a daughter and she was 2 years at the time. Her mom couldn't take care of her so she lived full time in his house. The first year was fine and they got married very quickly. He was good for her, he took care of her. After that day everything changed. He didn't started to fight with my mom. He just needed a sitter for his daughter so he married my mom, now he had a sitter that was there 24/7. Only she still had love goggles on so didn't see that at the time. I was now 11 and my body started to change. More than ones he toughed my boobs and told me the were growing. He bought me night cloths, the sexy kind, as a present. My mom didn't knew. And I was to afraid to tell her. One day my mom brought my brother and step sister to school. I was sick and stayed at home. Like always I got out my bed and lied down in hers to watch TV. I though my mom's husband went to work but he was home. He stayed at home because he was sick. I wanted to step out of the bed but he told me I could stay and watch the show. So I did. I was 11 I didn't know I was at risk. He closed the door and laid down next to me. He hugged me. And then pinned me down. I was completely frozen. Couldn't move a muscle. The first time he pulled my pyama s down I tried to pull them up again. The second time I was to afraid. He began to toughed me. And pulled me closer by the second. And I was saved at the last moment. My mom had called her friend to go to my house. I was alone with him and she would be longer away from home then she tought. When he heard the door he lied back next to me. I still couldn't move. He pulled the covers over me and he waited. When she called him, he just responded. We are in bed watching tv. She came to look in the bedroom and said she was going to make some thea. That was my the voice my body needed. And when she left the room I stepped out of the bed. He asked me: are you sure you don't want more. I never replied, I just left. 




One year later my mom left him. I didn't tell her anything but she was afraid and wanted to leave him before he did something. Her best friend also talked to her. He saved me. Maybe a little bit to late for everything but if we stayed I think I would have killed myself. And he still saves me. He takes care of my mom. He is a man. A man that would die for his family. He lloves my mom, my mother and me and works his butt of to take the pain away and make a future for us that we need.



5 years later I told my mom. And she cried and now 10 years later she still cries if she thinks about it. I never reported it. My mom did but the police needed my to confirm. And I was to afraid. But the day his daughter called me in tears and told me he broke her ribs and arm because she was 20 minutes late. I wrote everything down and told her I had away to save her. To protect her and that I would do everything for her.


I had felt same for 15 years. I was afraid that people would judge me, wouldn't be friends any more, would treat me different of feel sorry for me. But the day everything came out with the story so many people said I was strong. But I learned one thing. I'm not the one you have to feel sorry for. It is never to late to tell your story. And people will believe the truth. 




I'm a Dutch girl so I did my best to tell the story in English.
 
Replied By: ksmith81 on Mar 2, 2016, 8:14AM - In reply to larared31
What did you do hon?
 
Replied By: ccortez1987 on Feb 8, 2016, 11:39AM
I want to tell you all a story. A story of a little girl, a scared little girl. A little girl that was once me. A little girl that could be any of the little girls you encounter on a daily basis. Please share this story. I am ready to tell my story, in hopes that this can help someone else.

The first time it happened my brother and sister went with my grandma to big star, a local grocery store. My grandpa used to lay me on his chest while he was laying down, and like this for years, I fell asleep. This night was different. As I layed there on his chest, at 6 years old, and he "massaged" my back his hands got lower and lower until they were completely over my butt. He proceeded to lower my pants and grope and touch my private parts. My grandma got home at that time so his quickly pulled up my pants and it ended there, that day. It was the beginning of a nightmare.
At that time, we lived in a trailer on lakeshore drive in Marion, Arkansas. At one end of the trailer was "the kids" rooms and at the other end there was a master bedroom where "he" stayed with my grandma. It had double doors, with glass from top to bottom. You could see someone coming clear across the house. What convenience this gave him. I spent many days and nights behind those doors, trapped in his twisted fantasy. I remember day one being home alone with him for whatever reason I was eating a sandwich in the living room and tried so hard to stay really, really quiet... he was sleeping, I prayed I wouldn't wake him up. I failed at my attempt. He came out of that room and headed straight for me. He forced himself on me groping me, fondling etc... again I was about 7 years old! I panicked and got out the only words that I could manage to get out.... "Im hungry!" To that his response was "Im horney!" and continued to have his way with me for hours until my grandma finally came home. Please keep in mind while you are reading this story that I was around 7 years old at this time, less than 100 pounds, and he was a grown man, over 300 pounds!!!! I was terrified of him!
When I was growing up Larry worked for a Morgue. His job was to drive the hearse, delivering the corpse' to funeral homes etc. It was a graveyard job and he always found a way to drag me away with him, giving him full access to me. I remember one time being sodomized in front of DEAD BODIES in the back office of the morgue, door wide open and the only focal point I can grasp is the two dead men laying feet away from me on the embalming table! Larry tried to physically take my virginity at the age of 9. I guess daily forceful oral sex from a child wasn't satisfying him anymore. He layed me on my grandmas bed, the bed they shared together!!! He lifted my legs back as far as they would go and proceeded to try to penetrate me with his penis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All I could get out was a desperate cry of pain! "owwww!" I yelled. over and over again. This didn't even phase him. He continued with failed attempts until I was literally sore and in pain from this!
This continued until I was 12 years old when my drug addict mom decided to get clean and come back for us. Let me ad, that he also did this to her as a child, and she left HER CHILD with the very man who violated her giving him permission basically to do it to me too!!! When she came back I jumped at the fact to move across country to California and live with her!! I thought "ITS FINALLY OVER!" . Man was I wrong!
When I moved to California my grandparents followed ! We all "started over" and the abuse just seemed to stop. For years I bottled it up, telling nooone what I had been through! I acted out in ways that obviously were not healthy and continued to have broken relationships with family and friends because of this. At the age of 16 I ran away from home and ended up getting pregnant with my oldest son Jacob. I cut off contact with my entire family until one day.... One day I heard that my grandparents were finally divorcing, not because of what he did to us kids (yes kids) but because he had an affair. I lost it, I told her everything in a rage of anger one night on the phone! I told her everything he did to me, everything I have written here, plus more! I thought "he is finally going to pay for what he did and someone will finally be in my corner". My grandma initially was furious out to put him away. She took me to the Santa Ana police department and I spent hours at 16 years old (pregnant) recounting all these horrible things he did to me. I was told that since so much time had passed that they could not do anything as far as arresting him but would investigate my accusations. I received a letter a few months later that my accusations were founded and Larry's name was placed on the Arkansas list of Child Maltreatment. But still, no prosecution. Larry has now moved across country, started over and is still up to his same shit! Only now, its with another family.
I have no contact with most of my family because of all of this. My grandma never followed through with getting justice for me, in fact she befriended this man even after the truth came out! I know its crazy! It was a twist to the knife that had already been stabbed in my back.
I still struggle daily with memories and flashbacks. I take medication for anxiety, depression and PTSD. I'm not normal, probably never will be because of what happened. I struggle to trust, I struggle with patience and staying happy. I struggle finding my joy. But I am a survivor, this I know. I will be okay. I will heal, and this is the first step!

I have a facebook support group called healing hearts and I welcome any survivors of abuse to join and unite with us against this horrible epidemic. Please copy and paste the following link to view the facebook page:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1511674979154833/ 
 
Replied By: sally_giles on Jan 26, 2016, 5:02PM
What do you do when you see your own children abusing their spouses?
 
Replied By: sally_giles on Jan 26, 2016, 5:02PM
What do you do when you see your own children abusing their spouses?
 
Replied By: cindylee1227 on Jan 19, 2016, 2:38AM - In reply to cindylee1227
continued advise.


go to a social worker.....ask for help getting yourself in order.  You need to first start with yourself to show the court you are helping yourself, taking care of yourself.  Get physical therapy and medical care to help you get stronger physically so you can care for your child.  Physical therapy...be the best you can be.....then take some classes available in your area so you are out in the community functioning around other people.  The court is not going to even allow visitation if you are holed up in a box with no good influences for a child to be around.   
 
Replied By: cindylee1227 on Jan 19, 2016, 2:32AM - In reply to paulamcatee
You are the mother.....yes...a mother needs her child & the child needs their mother.  But love is not enough.  A child needs care and to grow up in good living conditions, be educated, nice clothes, food to eat.

a mother's love gives all this to the child so the child does not suffer.

if you can provide, home, clean home, clothes, food, schooling for the child then of coarse get a lawyer from the legal aid society, free lawyer, and petition the court for custody.....

BUT....if you cannot provide your child with this....then think like a mother...you want your child to have the very best!   Love your child....ask the court.....for visitation rights.....you can basically share parenting.....the court should not deny visitation rights unless you might live or be in a area that is dangerous.

you need to show the court to that you are actively getting your life together...

go to your social worker if you are on welfare, I suspect you might be as you cannot walk, 
 
Replied By: cindylee1227 on Jan 19, 2016, 2:11AM - In reply to ohioman44657
You said it best, you got out of the situstion and now it is just an experience you came through like touching a hot stove.


Carl is stuck in the situation, stuck in his own mind.  The insults he threw at you are basically how he feels about himself...the kid saying is almost true

I am rubber you are glue......,anything you do or say to me bounces off me and sticks to you...


how true this is CARL has to live with what he did....you do not.....😉☑️
 
Replied By: cindylee1227 on Jan 19, 2016, 2:03AM - In reply to seattlerainn
When you are in an abusive situation you have to set your mind in gear and remember these instruction that could save your life.

this relates to any type of abuse, physical, mental, emotional.....anywhere you are uncomfortable you need not be!

1st rule....if anyone....ANYONE ...is abusing you....do not wait until it stops, or until the person settles down...immediately REMOVE yourself from the situation.

if at home, get in the car...drive away......if you do not have a car...walk away....go anywhere...mall, church, park. A parking lot to think...just remove yourself from the situation...this is you taking control and helping yourself.  This also tells the abuser, you are strong and their actions are not acceptable that they cannot control and victimize someone that has left the building.   Then.....next thing is to TELL....not just someone, tell everyone you know...you are being abused....if one does not help you another might......

 
Replied By: cindylee1227 on Jan 19, 2016, 1:52AM - In reply to momof2wasd
You survived the verbal/physical, emotional, abuse.   Yes...it is a memory...just a memory that stings.

if you touch a hot stove...OUCH😁.....it hurt...but the burn healed.  You remember the burn......but in time the memory fades and the hurt is not remembered.   But you learned not to touch a hot stove.  The experience you had with the parent that had issues and could not cope....you learned this is NOT a good way to treat a child/person and I hope you take the high road and treat everyone in your life the way you wanted to be treated.  The abusive parent is the one stuck in their own abusive mind.....they are the one with the problems....you are you....the survivor of all that...like running through a hornets nest.....you made it through a few stings that hurt but....you made it through & will heal......
 
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