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Whether it's physical, sexual or verbal, abuse is unacceptable. Are you a survivor? How did you cope? Share your story.

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Comments
Replied By: swedewh on Mar 17, 2015, 12:27PM
I am 52 years old and my mother passed away in August 2010.  She had COPD and Asthma.  I stayed home and took care of her for 10 years and I had vertigo for 5 years prior to that and I had to quit my job.  My father was verbally and emotionally abusive to both my mother and me.  I have been called everything from being stupid to a moron and other names I cannot say here.  My mother and I was always told when anything went wrong it was our fault and was threatened until the problem was fixed.  When my mother passed away I wanted to get a job and be self-reliant and the only thing he kept saying was that I was too old and nobody would hire me and the only thing that will happen to me is that I will end up in a bad area of where we live because that is what I deserve.  I did finish my certificate program in Medical coding and now I am scared no one will want to hire me.  Do you think it is foolish of me to want to work at my age.

swedewh@yahoo.com

 
Replied By: hope11620 on Mar 3, 2015, 6:27PM
I am just trying to figure out a plan to get out of this mess. Verbal abuse is the main issue for 20yrs and my husband likes to Play hit twap pinch as he calls it. Lately he has been scaring me and threatening to punch me in the teeth.  I told him that he I don't feel safe in my own home and he told me he would leave but never does. He has come to my work place and told some of my co workers that he is going to punch me in the teeth. He has stated "If it were summer, you would already be dead" I can't take this anymore... I am tired.  My body, my mind, my soul is just tired!!!  My body tells me when there is danger... My body has triggered or develoedp anxiety and panic when I know there is trouble just by his words and actions.  I just need peace in my life now.. I am done!
 
Replied By: lssanders on Feb 24, 2015, 1:17AM - In reply to oceanentity
we went to counseling years ago. He got mad and stormed out. If he isn't right then the world must end! Wow, what a life. Yes, I AM a happy person, until he comes around. I really believe he wants to be a happy person, but it seems like he is miserable most of the time. You know? I feel like maybe he is jealous of me for being happy and jolly most of the time. Phooey, that's just how I am.  


Now he is mad because I am seeing the Chiropractor for my back that has been hurting off and on for 18 years. I WILL keep going until the dr says he is done seeing me!! We have good insurance. Ohhhh...but I must remember, the world does not revolve around ME! Hahaha...sometimes it does. :-)
 
Replied By: lssanders on Feb 24, 2015, 12:39AM - In reply to ronnie4ever
I guess I stay because I am almost 60 years old, and have no means of supporting myself. That sounds like a cop out. But every time I get upset, one  of my daughters gets angry with me and doesn't think I should complain. I know I "have it made" so to speak. But I really do t feel genuinely loved. Even though he says it....I just don't feel it. I guess I am just numb to it.
 
Replied By: jouncyg72 on Dec 26, 2014, 7:16AM
My husband is a bully, similar to what we see on the Dr. Phill show.  His recent antic is taking out a lean on our residence and purchasing a car and motorcycles because it is his "passion".  I called the bank and found out I did indeed sign for the 2nd BUT the box where I have to say in the spending of the money was checked so only HE has access!


How do I stop this?  Is filing for divorce the only way?


Oh, and get this.  I told him if he purchased another cycle it was IT or ME.  He choose IT because I had backed him into a corner and he can't let that happen.  

Actually, I should run and not walk to my nearest attorney.  However, the idea of dividing up my income from my new job just doesn't sit well with me.  I realize the longer I wait, the more will be split though.


Any comments are gladly appreciated.




 
Replied By: skyblue1938 on Dec 20, 2014, 8:30AM - In reply to candicesheree8
I was in an abusive relationship for 30 years before he passed away in 2002.I have been thrown down the stairs,had a broken arm,fractured ribs on both sides,my nose was busted three times.The first time was kicked in the stomach at 23 years old with steel toed boots.I took 100 aspirin in a week to keep going with 3 little kids to take care of..The day come when I was rushed to emergency,took me right in and couldnt get any blood out of my veins,then took me to exray but I kept passing out so a specialist was called in for emergency surgery.My spleen was ruptured and damage to the spine.Layed in intensive care for a week,then put in a room. Got home after I was released and got a blood clot in my lung so back in the Hospital 18 days..He got cancer in the lung back then and had half a lung removed,was good till 1999 when he got it back under the tongue,at least that brought him to quit drinking so he wasnt mean.Always said god punished him for what he did to me. I was foolish enough to stay in this relationship but ladies take it from experience,dont do what I did.To this day I live alone because I m afraid to have a man in my life.And Im suffering to this day with my spine and back
 
Replied By: candicesheree8 on Dec 19, 2014, 8:34AM
I watched the episode of the woman who was so brave, moved 17 times, lost her eye in tears. I have been in violent marrige for 4 years. Everyday I have been spit on, hit, called god awful names, he even taught my two year son to call me a fat whore.  I stay at home and have 4 amazing children that are my reason for living everyday, and my reason for going on.  My husband controls the finaces doesn't allow acces to anything, and would brake my phone or hide my keys when he wanted to abuse me so that I couldn't report it.  In June 2014 he beat while I was 8 months pregnant with our second son. I was put into the hospital with serious head injurys and a chance of losing our son. He was out the next day and promised to seek help and stop drinking. I was emotional and very pregant so I decided not to pursue charges because the baby was due anyday and I was scared to testify. He was given a 60 day restraing order and was allowed back into the house in September 2014. Two weeks later he beat me up in the front yard in front of my daughers told them it was good for them to see their Mother get beat like a "little Bi***" A neighbor called the police and he was once again out the next day. I told them this time I wanted to press charges. He was awaiting a 3rd Felony charge, which somehow got knocked down to a much lower charge. I finally came forward to seek out help and now I am the one suffereing again. His family is very very wealthy and they have hired lawyers to get him out of this. I have been getting badgered and made to feel like this is my fault even from the Proscuters that took on his case. This is why Women are so scared to come foward. Now I am going through hell and in a worse situation then If I were to let him keep abusing me.  Texas needs to fix their Crimianl Justice system.  Do I have to end up in a body bag before someone cares??
 
Replied By: broadwaygirl21 on Dec 18, 2014, 10:41AM
All my life, I was told there was no such thing as monsters, but there was: there truly was monsters. I lived with one for most of my life on and off. When I was watching the episode of Dr. Phil about the girls who were abused by their grandfather, it brought back memories of my abuse and rape by my own grandfather. At first, I couldn't watch it, but I did, and now, I'm strong enough to share my story.



i cannot recall how old I was when it all stared, but the first memories of him was when I was around seven. it started with these 'number stories': stories where when the numbers increased, he got more touchy feely with me. My year old brother was even in room when this occured, and he even pushed me out of the room, leaving the two of them alone. I'm positive he was molested too, though he denies it. 




On and off, his touches and fondling increased and he shamed me into secrecy. Finally he stopped when I was around 14. It was odd because that was when he suppositly 'found God'. He was zealous and preached a lot which frightened me, wondering if he would rear his ugly head again. He did. I was 19 and started working as my handicapped grandmother's caretaker. One day, he cornered me in he hallway when I had some laundry in my arms, and copped a feel of my breasts. Being legally employed for the company, i filed a compaint, but they turned a blind eye because they were friends of my grandparents. This meant he had full control of me and what he could do. 



Oftentimes, I was rum errands with him, and during those times, he would take us behind the store and rape me. He had a pistol he carried with him, and a few time, he put it to my head and threatened to kill me and hide my body. Mind you, my dad is a police officer, and he still did this! He said he'd hide my body and his connections would help him get away so my dad and mom would never find me. Needless to say, I kept quiet. 



Finaly, the time came to open up when I was in my child welfare class and i broke down in the car to my mom and told her. She was raped by him too, so she was both surprised and not surprised at the same time. My dad was enraged as well. We were in the stature of limitation so we went to press charges. When he was called in, his connections managed to get him off and he was never prosecuted. 



Now, years later, he is dead, and before he died, literally, I stood in front of him at my grandmother's funeral and told him, "I forgive you." 16 days later, he died. As for my grandmother, I never got over how I told her and she called me vile names and never believed me. Needless to say, I had my mom say I forgave her as she was dying.  It is still taking me time to heal and I thank God for all my doctors and councilors that have been in my life that have told me to live my life and to forgive.
 
Replied By: mstarr1009 on Dec 17, 2014, 9:40PM
Age becomes such a blur. I hear you often ask your guests about the age. I feel 3 I see 5 I think it stopped about 8. I had a consistant dream as a child. I would dream my mother went to the grocery store and a witch the one one from the Wizard of Oz would lock me in my parents bedroom and Iknew what was waiting. In my absolute terror the wall fell down and the blonde Jesus in the blue robe ( the painting that hung across every christian home in the 80s) Along with God who looked like Mr. Clean walked me down a literal Highway to Heaven as if to help me escape or a promise of escape. I would wake up before I ever ran into Michael Landon's arms. In the reality, in the world beyond the TV I watched and my hope and faith in God there was a reality. A reality that makes me cringe in every theological debate on God's omnipotence and souveriegnty because I can't believe that God paved the road ahead of me into my tomorrow with soveriegnty as my father has me hiked up on his erection under his boxers. The game I thought was our fun. Our special time. The game that he told me my mother would be mad at me if she knew we played. I believed him. It was easy. My mother was depressed. I was born 14 and 13 years after my sisters. My mothers tubes were tyed and they had told her I was a tumor. In fact her tubes were cut tyed and burned at the ends. So there I was in 1980 the newborn of a 40 year old . She was already done and tired. My father had already beat her once and had two children with other women during their marriage. In fact she said they married because she was drunk at a kappa alpha party and he impregnated her. So after a suicide attempt in 6th grade my mother decided I needed counseling. She tested me I admitted it all to her begging for mercy because I didn't want to be more trouble. I refused to give details because they caused me great shame . Noone had said it is normal for sexual touching to feel good. Your body is made that way. No one said it's normal to be conflicted no one said anything except what a giant burden I was. The counselor was threatened by my father and I was not taken bck. When my mom finally left my father 3 years later for beating her again she usedit for leverage in court. Whenever I have confroted her for not doing something she says she didn't know what was going on and she thought the couselor should have called its their legal obligation but they didn't and if I wouldn't give her details how could she do anything. Forever my story was the problem my symtomatic outburts were the inconveniences and anything that went wrong it was easy to point  the finger at me. I survived. My dad died ladt feb. 4 days in his home without a soul knowing. In debt and with an indictment for fraud creeping up on him. My nephews and my oldest sister that has been diagnosed scitzophrenic were completely disrespectful to me during the process but I kept being told to support her . I survived. Some days I wake up hating every family member because I think they will never know the childhood I lost and their incredibly poor judgement in handling the entirety of the situation and how they scarred me to the extint my father having me play sexual games with him did and they will never be able tolook me in the eyes and just be accountable for being wrong. Some days I wake up and I love them just the same. It is not my first thought anymore it doesn't rule my life and I am now aware my woth isn't based on my ability to sexually satisfy another being or keep from upsetting someone else. My worth comes from God calling me by a new name. I was interviewed on a podcast for this topic years back and I have a blog post about it. Both links are below. There is hope. God does let down a wall but I will never be what I would have been if it had never happened.



http://www.blogtalkradio.com/robertjrussell/2012/02/25/the-robert-j-russell-show





http://modestmindyexposed.blogspot.com/2014/08/calling-myself-by-new-name.html
 
Replied By: sammigrl89 on Dec 16, 2014, 12:48AM
When I see stuff like that like what happend with that little boy the pain and terror that he feels rages through my veins makes me sweat and sick my heart pump and anger unbearable. I feel as though I could literally murder the abuser. The suffering I feel for these children is unthinkable I feel their pain and my heart breaks and seeps through every pore on my body my tears feel like hot water and my brain feels like it's swelling inside my skull. I can picture what I would do the abuser like a favorite movie playing in my mind and I wheep for these kids. I want to hold them and let them feel my love. But I'm so far away. This I believe is my punishment. Gods wrath for the horrible sin I committed. The consequence   ultimately make me insane and die of a broken heart.
 
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