My sister-in-law (SIL) has always been extremely and aggressively competitive with me. My husband and I have been married for 20 years and have two daughters. When my daughters were small, my husband and I decided that it was the best decision for us for me to stay home with them. I did work part-time, but only hours when my husband could be home so that our girls wouldn't be in daycare. As you can imagine these were very lean times. We had no luxury...never took vacations...I grew veggies and canned them...baked my own bread...we owned one car. In the meantime, my sister-in-law (hubby's sister) married a man with a business that was doing very well. With no children to support, they were able to enjoy the money they made. They ate dinner out every night, went on several vacations each year, and in general lived a much different lifestyle than we did.

I will admit that there were times when I would think "Gee, I wish I could go to an island just once" or out to eat rather than cooking supper every night. However, I always had a firm handle on what we had to do to make sure we could afford our home for our children. Rather than taking vacations or spending evenings out on the town, we put every extra penny into making our home better and more valuable.  We faced a lot of ridicule from my sister-in-law and mother-in-law (MIL) about this. There were comments about how we "should at least be able to afford dinner out once in a while", and how we "didn't allow our children to experience life" because we couldn't afford to take them on an airplane. We did take our children to zoos and took advantage of many free opportunities at the very close university.

The relationship my daughters had with my SIL and MIL almost solely revolved around shopping. My SIL and MIL viewed shopping as an EVENT...it is WHAT they did...They would take my daughters all over the place to shop. I allowed it, only stepping in when I felt that they were attempting to influence my daughters in a way we didn't like. I have several examples, but only a short time to write.

When my daughters were 10 and 12 years old, I finally got a full-time job. This allowed us to change our lifestyle somewhat. We moved out of what was becoming a not-so-nice neighborhood and into a nice middle-income neighborhood. We had built a lot of equity in the house we left because we were constantly working to keep it clean, well maintained, and eventually even added a second bathroom, a fourth bedroom and a very nice family room in the basement. My MIL and SIL didn't spend time cleaning their homes or doing anything to increase their homes value, that would have interfered with their shopping time. Of course, when we moved into the new (to us) house, there was nothing nice to be said about that...the house wasn't glamorous or flashy, so not something THEY would value. I would get calls from my SIL (who didn't have to work because of her husband's success) during the day at work with comments like: "OH are you working? Do you have to work all day? I am laying out in the sun..."

In the back of my mind, I knew she thought I should be jealous of her, and perhaps there was some jealousy there, but why on earth would someone be mean enough to want that? I never wished anything bad on either my MIL and SIL, but rather sort of avoided them.

When the tables began to turn a bit, however, is when things got ugly. My husband and I were able to finally take a one-week vacation - a honeymoon if you will - on our 19th anniversary. My SIL whispered to me "I hope your plane goes down" just a day before our trip. At the time, I wasn't aware that her life was beginning to unravel. She and her husband ended up losing the business, declaring bankruptcy and she now has to work full-time.

I feel like saying to her "Remember all those times when you ridiculed and taunted me?" this is your karma....but, alas, I can't. I feel for her. I really do. All these years I thought she was trying to make me jealous of her, but in reality, she has always been the one who has extreme jealousy. I've worked REALLY hard...but we are financially stable...two kids in college...a house we own...and enough money to be comfortable. We won't ever have flashy things, probably won't ever take luxury vacations - we felt fortunate to have that one time trip - but we have the basics covered and she - well, she just doesn't.

I know that I now need to be generous and kind...and I will be....it's just so hard not to say: "I told you so!!"

Hello, everyone! I have two kids, 4 and 2 yo. Our family ( my husband, me, and my two kids) was in another country for  2 years. .. my mom visited us many times and she was really kind with the kids, my two sons loved her a lot, specially the older... he was missing her everytime she left... so... we decided to came back  and one of the reason was exacly this. I wanted my kids around them grandma, I think its was a really important fase of them life that wouldnt came back and I couldnt let this happen, they needed each other, I thought.  We came back... now, for a couple of reasons, we are living in my moms house for a while, until get the things straight (to get house or an appartment.... ) but...things seems have changed... and I am not liking this.... my Kids, speacialy the older, its fuuuuull of love to her, its gradma here, grandma there... its all about his nana but.... she doesnt look the same..... she has two dogs and spend the major part of her day with the dogs..... taking for walk, giving food, taking for the bath, taking for go to pee (yes!!!), she spend the most part of her day  inside her bedroom, locked with those two dogs..... and my kid call her... somethimes she came... stay for a while, but doesnt stay... sometimes when she came, she say to them what its aloud in her place...like...this you cant play... or this you cant do.... full her gradsons with her rules and think about clean the house all the time, and worry about  the kids doing something messy...... I am afraid that this can cause in my son ( the older that loves her so much) a kind of.... low selfsteem, thinking that she doesnt like him and is his fault or something..... now I am confuse if its the best for the kids have her around... maybe  its not good to them self steem to get around her... I am afraid they get hurt because of her attitude.... what should I do??

Can anyone point me in the right direction of finding advice from Dr. Phil on dealing with conflict with adult children? I am at my wits end trying to deal with a daughter who lives out of state, is a single mom barely making ends meet....but, the more we try to help her, the more she lashes out at us!

It's an absolute heartbreaking situation, and I need help trying to figure out how to handle this.

Hi. I have not talked to my sister in the past seven years since she called my son an animal (with a swear word in front) and told me the only thing she regrets is having me for a sister. She never called me or sent a card when I had  a pituitary tumor removed or when i lost three babies due to miscarriages. She now tells our mother that I am rude! She brags about her kids and her many degrees (she is a social worker at a va hospital). I am fuming, because my mother never tells her to apologize. We were over our moms house when she called my son that name, and our mother told Me to leave. Am i wrong for being angry? She did call me right before this Christmas to see if she could ride with my husband and i to the store to camp out of black Friday, and i told her no.  I also said no to her son when he wanted to come over my house to play my piano. Am I wrong to be hurt and expect an apology and not be treated like dirt? I would appreciate any advice. Thank You.