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on Jul 4, 2012, 2:04PM
It is important to remember one thing that I've learned from my wife...have a united front! Stand strong when it comes to discipline, because children can sense when two parents are on totally different sides of the spectrum. Of course they will favor the parent that is closest to their point of view, and this will always drive a wedge between the two parents. Stay strong with your punishments if and when given. It is extremely important to come together and discuss the type of punishment that will be given, and away from the child(ren), debate about the level of severity, type and extent of punishment, the goals that are to be meet as a result, and ways to be sure such behavior of the child can never come about again.
Stay united! It is that simple! Communication is the key...talk to each other, then the child(ren) when it is reasonable.
on Jul 19, 2011, 5:20PM
my husband and i severely disagree on how to reprimand our 4 kids, ages 19,17,14,and 8. all boys..i was abused as a child so i know i tend to let our kids "off the hook" easily. i dont want to be like my abusive parent. because of that our kids walk all over me. also, the 3 oldest kids arent his biological kids so i feel over protective towards them especially. my husband and i have been married for 10 years now. the first 2 years he was a serious alcoholic and was very abusive towards me. the kids remember that. they resent him for that still, especially the oldest one. i know i need to be more consistant with our kids but i feel he's too mean towards our kids. he's just frustrated because they wont listen. we have never seen eye to eye and i dont know if we ever will. i'm writing this to let u know you're not the only one out there with this serious problem. good luck.
So what do you do if you disagree?
on Jun 9, 2010, 1:26AM
My husband was brought up by a father who was not a very nice drunk and had a very heavy hand. In turn, this has led to a man that thinks that violence can solve problems. He has NEVER been violent towards me or his kids, nor would he, but I dont want my son to end up with that mentality.
I dont know if just a minor spanking would have done the same thing to my husbands mentality but what if it does? My husband believes that if you "spare the rod, you spoil the child" and I do not. I do not believe in spanking.
My son is only 13 months now so it has not become an issue YET. I am afraid that it will become a major issue in our marriage in the future. I would love to figure out a solution before that time comes. Anyone with ideas, comments would be greatly appreciated.
Also, what if the Grandparents believe in spanking and want to babysit? Even now, his Grandpa thinks a slap on the hand will stop my son from exploring when he is WAY to young to understand that.
Disagreement in discipline....
on Feb 17, 2010, 5:04PM
I have seen, first hand, what the effects are on a marriage when parents disagree on discipline. A family member and her husband would constantly disagree on the disciplinary actions of their children. The children always underminded the harsher parent because the more passive one would undermind the other parent in front of the children. That took such a toll on their marriage that it ended in divorce, because the passive parent was unwilling to compromise and not undermind the father in front of the children. In my opinion, the passive parent will see the effects in the future.
when is contracting and talking to kids about doing a and getting b does not work
on Sep 23, 2009, 8:44PM
let me know something when contracting does not work im from alabama and the bible belt grew up with the bible and the belt thank you
You need to talk... fast and firm
on Dec 3, 2008, 12:18PM -
In reply to bettyp
Hi Betty, this is David.
I was very shocked, upset and disappointed reading your post.
I do not care what any conservative/haughtily religious/whatever parent says, hitting a 1 year old for whatever reason is totally unacceptable, unless of course, it was for dangerous stuff as you said (however, this is why parents must get into the habit of holding the child’s hand while crossing the street, and teaching them to look both ways.)
Slapping a 2 year old across the head for slapping his sister made me want to vomit.
At that age, they cannot fully explain to parent why they did that, especially if the parents forcefully demand it.
(What, you think that’s the age where they start speaking long sentences?)
In Canada, under the new spanking laws, parents are not allowed to spank a child under the age of 3; your daughter and son-in-law would be fried by the authorities if they ever tried that here.
It would be a little more helpful if you gave us some insight about your grandson?
Does he have a disability like serious cerebral palsy or autism?
In short, can he not comprehend things the first time he hears them (your son-in-law certainly sounds like he demands it)?
Can he not walk or talk independently?
If the answer to the first question is yes, and second and third one is no he can’t, then it is a legitimate argument against spanking and slapping this child, and your daughter needs to apply special discipline techniques given to her by the paediatrician – though with his mean spirit, your son-in-law would very likely tell them to **** off, wouldn’t he?
And how badly did your grandson hit your granddaughter?
Was it just a little slap?
Again, if the answer is yes, then your son-in-law definitely went over the edge.
And what about the parents?
Is there drugs and alcohol involved?
Another red flag.
What is behind your son-in-law’s chronic anger?
It sounds like he may need some counselling to work out these issues.
You need to sit down with your daughter and son-in-law, and tell them under no circumstantial (if that’s the proper term here) terms, that what they are doing to their son is completely unacceptable.
It is very likely that they will talk over you and try to argue with you that this is what the father was taught at that young age, etc; you need to MAKE them listen!
Tell them that the child is simply too young to understand right from wrong, and as for the slapping incident, the mother needed to get down to his level and tell him firmly that “no, we do not hit other people!”
Be firm and explain fully, and do not allow them to speak their piece until you are finished talking.
If you hear that this has persisted, put some hidden cameras in some rooms to capture some of the spanking on tape.
Domestic violence and child abuse are very difficult to detect and prove to courts and the authorities; this is the best way to document it.
Then tell them if the abuse continues, you will be going for custody.
If they try to keep the kids from you because of it, simply give the authorities their home address, and tell your daughter squarely that she will not get the kids back until she does something with her husband, whether she divorces him or gets him professional help.
Best of luck to you.
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
on Nov 21, 2008, 11:51AM -
In reply to gnut696
Wow that really sounds bad. You say daycare right, do you think something bad could be happening there? I would allow her to be close to you guys as possible like maybe take her to your room and allow her to sleep with you guys, if you don't see any change, i would think about making appointment with a child therapist, they have ways of figuring these things out. Doesn't sound medical cause she isn't claiming pain somewhere but I would think its more mental then physical.
Spanking under 24 months
on Nov 10, 2008, 7:10PM
My daughter and I are in a dispute over the use of spanking her childen. Her husband is mean and spanks, slaps, and hits his 1 year old little boy. He actually hit him in the back of the head to discipline him for hitting his little sister when he was 24 months old. He has convinced my daugther that this is okay and normal. I believe it is abuse. Only when a child is in danger (running into the street) where you need to really get the message across that it is a dangerous act, maybe , perhaps. Usually, once should do it. Am I out of date? How can I convince my daughter that it is not okay to slap or hit a baby? Perhaps some feedback from others (pro or con) would be welcome. At this time my daughter and I just don't speak about it I did tell her though that if I ever hear or see her husband hit his little boy in the back of the head I will take some kind of action.
Excessive crying and whinning
on Oct 24, 2008, 10:34AM
Hi, I am a mother of a 4 year old daughter and my daughter is a well behaved well mannered child,I have no problem whatsoever with her at stores or anything.She always gets stopped and told how well behaved and well mannered she is. Latlely, she has taken up the hobby of crying and whinning so bad that is is hard to ask her what she wants for supper because she will cry. At night she just sits in her room and crys and whimpers all night long. I ask her what is the matter and she makes up excuces to have me to stay in there like for example: She has a water bottle by her bed everynight that we will fill upso if she gets thirsty through the night she has something to drink. Well, lastnight she starts crying again i go in there (she knows that it is full) and starts crying wanting me to fill her water bottle, I explain to her that it is full and that I would be happy to get her some fresh water, no mom, fill it up. I said "I caint its full". So she continues to whine and whimper i go back in there and ask her whats wrong again and she says that Shes "breaking out" so I check her over really well and did not see anything whatsoever. I went out of her room again. SO for the third time shes whinning and crying and i go back in there and she says that she just loves us (me and her dad) and wants to be with us. I explained to her(its like 2:30 in the morning) that it is bed time and that she needs to lay down and rest so that she can get up for daycare. She crys and crys and can not tell me why . It is such a sudden change in her behavior pattern that is is striking me odd.There has not been any changes in her routine, no family problems or anthing its just so unusualy out of her charachter that i don't know if there is something really wrong? or if it is just a 4 year old thing to stay awake. I would appriciate the imput if you have any. Thanks alot.
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