Shows & Video
About Dr. Phil
Shows this Week
Dr. Phil Uncensored
Be on the Show
Be in the Audience
Ask Dr. Phil
Be on Dr. Phil
Be on the Show
Be in the Audience
Dr. Phil's Blog
Dr. Phil Uncensored
Contact Dr. Phil
Be on the Show
Be in the Audience
E-Mail the Show
Send a Letter
Know a Guest?
Ask Dr. Phil
Speak Your Mind
View My Profile
Use My Web Cam
Dr. Phil Store
Vengeful and Scared?
Embarrassed of Your Rude Family Member?
In a Love Triangle?
Friend or Family Member Your Worst Enemy?
Accused of Bad Parenting?
Family Ruining Your Relationship?
Marriage in Crisis?
Hate Your Brother Or Sister?
Wrongfully Accused of Abuse?
Dealing with a Midlife Crisis?
Know a Hoarder?
Want to Clear Your Name?
Caught in the Headlines?
Caught in a Love Triangle?
Husband Act Like a Child?
Today's Show: Amber Portwood: "Teen Mom" out of Prison ... Now What?
Sign up for the Dr. Phil Newsletter
Dr. Phil Community
Forgot your username and/or password?
on Jul 3, 2012, 9:09PM
Reflection of Now
Written by Jen Donatella
April 21, 2013
Learning as you're going,
About how to live with an illness:
At times is worrisome-un-nerving,
Other times entirely blessed.
Each moment becomes anew,
An opportunity to learn about yourself.
Taking chances while tip toeing about.
Is for me, what seemingly helps.
Responsible for once,
Taking my medicine exact.
My purpose doesn't quite make sense,
But, for now clear Mental Health is where I'm at.
Really and truly giving a damn.
Putting forwarth everything I can.
Focusing on myself, and "Who I am."
Is worth more then the success and purpose I left back when.
Managing mind, body, focus, and responsibilities all in one.
Has been an endeavor, which I have been diligently working to master.
This has surely been moment by moment,
For realization of so much is exactly what I'm after.
Reflections of Now, our that all is well when one steps outside the box.
When one takes hold of there own being and Mental health.
That to win one must work hard, ignore the urge to stop,
And in the morning, you look forward toward being a better self.
Wednesday, July 04, 2012
Material items are not everything,
“It’s the simple life that means something.”
Upon the ear of the person who doesn’t have anything.
Gained to lose tends to define possessions in a somewhat different meaning.
Miracles come true for believers in variety.
“It’s God’s way of answering prayers.”
Upon the ear of the person who prays feverishly.
Tear’s follow the broken voice, “Just not possible.”
The Lord doesn’t give you more than you can handle.
“For, you reap all the seeds one’s sown.”
Upon the ear of the person who waits to harvest even just a little.
Yearning, to gain back a glimpse of successes once known.
Success is one’s choice, simple put.
“It’s all up to the beholder to obtain their dreams.”
Upon the ear of the person who never gave up;
Drowning in a sea of desperation and despair.
Hope if for all who wish to take it.
“For the American Dream is for all who work to achieve.”
Upon the ear of someone with Bi-Polar is ignorance,
For no such life exists when an illness becomes a disability.
on Jun 13, 2012, 2:17AM -
In reply to lehund
If there were only thousands more of you, there would never be a diagnosis of Bi-Polar. I am very happy to hear that you found what you were looking for, but, I assure you, This diagnosis is not from having a weak mind.
on Jun 13, 2012, 1:54AM -
In reply to sanders82108
I can relate to struggling to just get out of bed. Prior til the last Seven Months, I spent an entire year closed up in my house, and mostly in my room. I unfortunately don't have parents or family to lean on. My son's and their Father are the only family that I have. My boys are 13, 11, 9. For the most part, my son's father is very supportive and loving. However, even he struggles to understand "Bi Polars Hell"
I also wanted to ask you since you have been to this sight; I joined this blog to meet others and what I thought was to talk with professionals about Bi Polar. It doesnt seem to me that anyone from Dr Phil show posts here, unless Im looking in the wrong place. lol
I have three sons with Autism Spectrum Disorder and I will tell you that Bi-Polar far exceeds the demands, strain, and obstacles of my children. I have looked into Reabilitation Centers to find help and they all take either private insurance or cash that I don't have. Im 34 and on Disability because I can't get healthy. Its not fair. I don't want to be disabled. I lost a great job, I so very much enjoy and am passionate about being an Autism Advocate and helping families who have children with autism obtain services, but, when Im not healthy and I can't barly take care of myself, I can't work and help other families and this makes me cry and feel as though I've utterly failed.
Im very happy to hear that you have support. I don't know about you, but, I believe that there is a component to treating Bi-Polar and even curing it that isn't offered to those of us on Medicaid. For example, phsycho-social therapy, cognitive therapy, life skills training and teaching. I have found too many individuals with Bi-Polar struggling with all the same things, that the medication just does not touch.
What do you think???????????????
on Jun 12, 2012, 8:39PM
Friday, October 14, 2011
I vision her face, a moment in time, or merely thought of whom she is to me and I hold myself back from tears flooding my eyes. I don’t regret disowning Pam; I don’t regret dissolving every single feeling that I held for her; and, I certainly will never regret, apologize, or ever again feel sorry for the evil monster who single handedly nearly destroyed my life, future, and happiness. She took my childhood, my right to be a daughter- for this; I willingly chose to never forgive her. Tears flood my face because I am astounded by her inability to love me, her willingness to hurt me, and her selfishness to abuse and neglect me. I will forgive Pam only on the day after her death. In this moment, I will for certain be assured that the monsters actions will never again hurt me, taunt me, and shadow me. For the day after her death, I will find satisfaction in knowing that she even for a glimpse felt every pain, hurt, disappointment and terror that she forced me to face, feel, and dwell in as a helpless child. The day after her tomorrow, will be the first day of the rest of my life.
| It was a summer day. I was five years old. We were all playing outside in our front yard with the neighborhood kids while Pam was on the back porch sitting. The neighbors across from us didn’t like us too well because we stole their jump rope. While playing, the older neighbor girl said that she wanted the jump rope back or she was going to beat me up. I ran to the back of the house and told Pam that the neighbor was going to hurt me and she said to go play that she wasn’t in the mood to deal with this stupid shit. I returned to the front yard with tears in my eyes, scared because I knew that this girl was serious and that Pam was too lazy to help me. The girl was still in the front yard when I returned, still desiring to fight a tiny five year old. I told her that she needed to go home that she was nothing but a scab. She picked me up over her head and dropped me on the ground. While lying there, gasping for air-crying, I remember feeling hatred and rage not at the girl who just body slammed me, but, at Pam for not helping me. |
Pam was great for being lazy, neglectful, abrasive, abusive, and in my life, but, non existent from my life. The neighborhood kids were notorious for taking us with them around the neighborhood because Pam would lock us out of the house, not allow us in for food, water, or to even go to the bathroom. We were very often hungry, left to ourselves, or being abused.
| Dreama, our back door neighbor came outside with a sandwich and drink that her mother made her for lunch. I looked at her sandwich wondering, “Why doesn’t Pam give us lunch?” While we were out back and Dreama was eating, one of the neighbors from across the street came over eating a carrot. While playing, the neighbor girl threw the carrot in the weeds and said that she didn’t even like them that her dad makes them eat vegetables’. While the kids ran off to travel the neighborhood, I stayed behind. I took the carrot from the weeds, wiped it off, and began to eat it. At the time, I was so hungry that I didn’t care if it was eaten off of, dirty, or unhealthy. I knew that it was food and I wasn’t getting anything to eat.
“A revolving desolate psycho illusion.”
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Written by, Jennifer Donatella
Is it fair to be livid?
I certainly think so.
I never asked to be born.
Here I am although.
Bi-polar seeps with madness.
Odorless, I look like and ordinary girl.
Death, kills with kindness.
As it whispers, “Give death a whirl.”
I think to myself, “Yea, maybe.”
Im fading cemented in surviving.
I urge myself to not believe.
That nothing better is behind eternity.
I wonder why I’m forsaken.
Why I continue losing all gained.
Im sick of Bi-Polar taking,
What is rightfully, faithfully mine?
The never ending story is written.
Titled, “A revolving desolate psycho illusion.”
To everyone I’ve loved, I’m forgotten.
The pain reddens my eyes.
Here relationships are merely prayers,
That come true and get wiped away.
Leaving me standing there,
Yes, Im fortunate, in some way.
Im blessed in yet some other faction.
What that is, causes heartache,
Crying, because fait just doesn’t change.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Being inside Bi-Polar’s Hell is something that can be fought, talked through, and survived. The un-nerving fact of the matter is that in the moment, you’re so weak mentally and physically that you feel as though you’re fighting an enemy that far exceeds your strength and ability to overcome. I do deserve to live even though in Bi-Polar’s hell, I deserve nothing but death and absolute eternal darkness.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Written by, Jennifer Donatella
Easy come, isn’t always easy go.
The fact of the matter is just this.
Perpetual, the road traveled.
Revenged with valleys, storms and mountains.
No rest for this person, seeking uncertainty.
Clues are so much harder to explain and define.
The closer traveled, the further your eye’s see,
Entwining troubles to further unite.
It’s not a way of life for the Bi-Polar mind.
Trust me when I say, “No life, to entitle.”
For rest is restlessness, cruel untamed and blind,
Easier coming then going is a life lived not at all.
Written by Jennifer Donatella
Saturday, November 05, 2011
There is no escaping,
Fundamental fall outs.
Even more, lack of compassion,
From all who linger around.
It’s not a fault,
As much as it is a detriment.
Luster lacks, limp and dull,
From the self experiments.
No matter how hard
I give my utmost attention.
I fall just as far,
From where every one else finishes.
I’ve heard it a million times over, “Jen, why don’t you just write?” Well, that’s just it. Write what, to whom, how, and why? What do I write? Who do I write to? Why am I writing and to what audience am I seeking? All I know is Bi-Polar and Autism. As if these two areas alone are not enough-they are. I have a lot to say. However, the mere suggestion of being a writer, is in my mind everyone’s “Brush off” because they don’t know how to help me; yet know that I’m passionate about what I say, know, and feel. I love talking to groups of people. When I’m in front of an audience, the entire world stands still. I don’t stutter, hesitate, and drown in fear. In front of an audience, I’m intelligent, fearless, a leader. I’m knowledgeable, understanding, and able to connect with people in a way that I can’t in everyday life. Here, I’m free-and tide to no bonds, no restlessness, and even free of judgment. When expressing myself, I’m who I dream I would become. I’m appropriate, imaginative, lucid, and able to be me without holding myself back. So, maybe becoming a writer is valid; however, another dream to dream. I don’t know how. I don’t know who to talk with to get started. And still as it is, I’m sick and even writing about Bi-Polar is taking time, energy, and strength that I don’t always have. How do I make a career out of something I love, yet, know nothing about? I appreciate the acknowledgement of my passion and abilities. Yet, I’m again saddened to think of yet another faction of my abilities that is drowned out by my disability and ignorance.
I think about life; where I go from the here. I’m frightened that the longer it takes to figure out, the more certain I am to remain in utter failure. I’ve conquered, succeeded, and then drowned in my own demise. How this happens to someone who refuses to give up is beyond my understanding. Bi-Polar is more then appropriate medication and counseling. Sometimes, I think that that’s just it. We are treated, yet not healed. We are medicated, yet still suffer. We are given counseling not to heal us, but, to sustain us from causing any further havoc or chaos which causes more money and burden on society and the economy. The fact of the matter is that to cure us, would be to lose millions and millions of dollars. I believe in medication and counseling; however, I also believe that in my personal plight the missing link is merely life skills. I believe that treatment for every person with Bi-Polar should begin not with medication but cognitive therapy and life skills help. There after, medication and counseling. I say this because as much medication that I consume daily, my life is still restless, hopeless, sad, and unmanageable. Being me daily is such a burden that “I in myself” is at times more then even I can deal with. Friends, Bi-Polar minds are vivid, capable, entertaining, funny, wise, and educated. Without further supports to help us support ourselves, we are as were labeled, “Disabled.”
Through the doorway, behind the cupboard door lays an answer to ending this madness. A full prescription of Anti-Anxiety medication would absolutely end it for me. All I can do right now is pray to God that I can just sit here and think about something else. The problem is, when this happens, all you think about is that death is right around the corner. That all you have to do is swallow the pills and everything will be okay; that, it’s not worth the pain, anguish, and disappointment to continue living in shear madness, sadness, and hopelessness. The faith of life stands in the strength of pure will power and endurance. The truth is, it’s overpowering and something that is one difficult feat to let pass. Dying isn’t asked for. It’s a path, direction, energy pull that tugs on you until you are no longer strong enough to fight it. Suicidal minds are shattered prayers, dreams, hopes, and futures. I don’t want to die.
In the fight for life or death, there is only room enough to contemplate a single thought of why you should stay alive. All else is why you should just die. It’s lonely, frightening, and a faceless monster that takes everything I have to defeat. Usually, this point is when I cry endlessly, realize a hundred different ways to kill myself, lay in my bed frozen, because I know the closer that I get to that medication, the closer I am to ultimately killing myself. It’s not choice; rather a drawing force that takes advantage of every single thing that is to stay a live for.
Thinking is what Bi Polar decides it to be
on Jun 12, 2012, 7:29PM
Thinking is what Bi Polar decides it to be by Jen Donatella on Wednesday, June 13, 2012 at 2:06am ·
After an entire month of feeling great with my medication, I sit tonight angry, frustrated, confused, and just down right saddened because no matter how healthy I feel; Bi Polar, dictates my thinking, processing, and perceptions. I am dumbfounded at not only how Bi Polar dictates this, but, that I don't even see it when it happens nor realize that it is happening. Moreso, these moments of perception and reaction are ones that affect everyone in the immediate area, yet, clueless to me. I cry not becuase Im depressed, sad, or suididal, but because I feel less then a human being. How I wonder can I think, act, and react to situations blinded by what Im actually seeing, feeling, showing, and doing. This makes no sense and trying to explain that my cognitive processing isn't functioning and I can't fix it is like trying to convince someone that the sky is purple. My only answer to this phenomenon is that I have to have some form of brain damage, blocked transmissions, or an entire defected processing system.
on Dec 20, 2011, 3:35AM -
In reply to jendonatella
I know exactly what you are going through, I am lucky enough to have two friends a husband and my mother who do not judge me on this subject. I have been living this hell for 8 years going on 9 and it is hell. between the mood swings and trying to find the right medication it is pure hell. those 4 people i mentioned are the only 4 who have stood by me through this. I have been blessed with that, people who dont live it dont understand how hard just getting out of bed is some days. stay strong. my husband always tells me when i feel weak that i am the strongest person he knows, because of what he sees me go through day to day. i say a lot of mean thing but the people closest to me know not to take things personal. Keep your head up you can live with this. i hope you have some sort of happiness or are able to find some it helps a lot.
Point of view from someone with this disorder!
on Dec 20, 2011, 3:25AM
I am 24 years old almost 25 years old. When I was 16 I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder. For a very long time I thought I was a second class citizen because of the lack of knowledge about mental illness. I wish there were more people to step out and show others yes I may have this illness but it does not make me less of a person because of it. I have family members who just cannot talk about this subject simply because they do not understand it and also have no desire to learn about it and that hurts the most. I am a young wife I have been married for a little over 3 years to the most amazing man. I have put him through hell and back with my Bi-polar. I wonder every day why did this man marry me knowing good and well what he was getting into. I was hospitalized I think two or three times before we got married so he had plenty of time to run like everyone else has. I have come right out and asked him why did you marry me and he always tells me he does not see the illness he sees me. When we had my first family meeting my mom, my dad and Jason my husband showed up. My mom has Bi-polar also so she was there mainly as my support because she had been my only support, Jason said I am here to try and learn how I can help her out before things get bad and she winds back up in here. Then my dad who thinks there is no such thing as mental illness he say just tell me what we need to do to FIX her so we can all move forward in life. I knew then Jason was the one I needed in my life he didn’t see me as broken because I am not broken I just come with a little extra. I have lived with the diagnoses of Bi-polar disorder for 8 years and let me tell you it has not been fun. You are instantly judged when people find out. My biggest pet peeve is when someone is acting out people just said oh well they must be Bi-polar. Now you don’t know anything about that person and you don’t know who around you may have it and it is very offensive. I have fought a lot with this disorder. I am a cuter and I have attempted suicide on several occasions. I am lucky to have the support I do have. In the past year my diagnosis has change and I am not burden with even worse stereotype. I have now been diagnosed with schizophrenia. This has been what I was terrified of but it is my reality and I have to live with it and move forward in life with my husband. I just wanted to share a little bit of my story. Just because you have a mental illness does not make you a lesser person.
on Dec 19, 2011, 9:11PM
Im sorry, but I do believe that mental illness is due to a weak mind. I have delt with many issues some are mental, I went looking for help believing what I was told. After coming out of this, I now believe that the best thing to do is to just understand that no one cares how you feel, no one cares what your problems are, just keep them to your self. Once I accepted this, I felt better, I don't want to have to pay someone to care about me, it's like paying a hooker to say I love you, it's fake. People only care about me and others on a shallow level, No one wants to really know what goes on. So I keep everything to myself, and everyone is happy. I don't take drugs for any mental issues and I don't have anyone looking at me with sad eyes saying are you ok, do you need to talk? Im a strong person, not a weak minded or body person. Im proud of what I have survived and come through with out help. More people should be try to be stronger.
on Dec 16, 2011, 6:15PM
Bi-Polar has been the ultimate challenge of my entire life. It's a daily struggle that you have to really take a moment at a time. I know myself, I have had to make some extremely difficult decisions and ones that I wouldn't have
otherwise made had I not at least gotten to where I am now. Not having parents and a family support has been devastating and emotionally difficult especially when I have no one to turn to. In my moments of "Bi-Polar Hell" these would be the moments when just a hug, a kind word, or even a smile would ease the burden enough to make it another day. I have lost everything that I worked my entire adult life for because of an illness I can't get under control. This in my eye's is not only a huge failure, but, without support, it's been something that I have yet to recover from. The last two years, I have been able to do absolutely nothing in Autism Awareness and Advocacy. I still very much pray that its something I will be blessed yet again with having the opportunity to do, but, again, without support, Im doing it on my own and having to fight daily alone is extremely difficult. Our loved ones, family, and friends, have a hard road to maintain a relationship with a person with Bi-Polar. it's not that we don't want relationships, its that we don't see what we are destroying in the moment. Bi-Polar is evil and treatments other then the Psych ward are available to only those who can pay out of pocket for the services. I strongly feel from my own experiences that the only treatment available is the very treatment that keeps us disabled because its not conducive to lending cognitive, behavioral, and psycho-social therapy. It is merely medication to keep sane enough to keep moving ahead. Just keep your head up, your patience about you, and know that your child honestly doesn't want or mean for all the destruction and devastation. Bi-Polar dictates more and more until the person is afforded the appropriated treatment to stop its debilitating course. Our loved ones are not wrong. They say and do nothing wrong. Its a circumstance of perspectives that often times are so very off.
on Dec 13, 2011, 12:32PM
They say if you don't like your situation, change it. For a year and half, I've been looking for someway to change "What is," and for the life of me, it's taking all the life out of me. When I was working with families who have children with Autism, I was free, happy, hopeful, and the world was opening up. Because of Bi-Polar, I lost all the things I worked tirelessly for. I'm disgusted and tired. Bi-Polar is evil and I hate living with it. I never invited it into my life; yet its invaded everything from my career to parenting my sons.
Showing 1-10 of total 177 Comments
ABOUT DR. PHIL
SHOWS THIS WEEK
BE ON THE SHOW
BE IN THE AUDIENCE
IN THE NEWS
CONTACT DR. PHIL
DR. PHIL'S BLOG
COPYRIGHT ® 2013 PETESKI PRODUCTIONS, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
CBS Television Distribution COPYRIGHT ® 2013 PETESKI PRODUCTIONS, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
CBS Television Distribution