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Depression and Grief

 

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Are you overwhelmed with dark feelings of despair? Have you suffered a loss and are having a difficult time coping? If you or someone you love is suffering from depression or is grief-stricken, you know it can be a struggle, but you don’t need to suffer in silence. Share your story here.

If you need immediate assistance, please call your local emergency number or crisis hotline listed in your local phone book's government pages.

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Comments
Replied By: yesyoucan on Jan 29, 2015, 6:42PM - In reply to imkayleesmom
From experience I've learned the hard way that guilt trips are expensive trips to go on or send others on so best to unpack your and everyone's bags.  Your twin siblings will likely always be a unified force since bonds of twins usually very strong.  I understand your feeling teamed up against yet I think it is more twin dynamics than anything.  That doesn't make any easier.  

For so long many talk shows talked about freeing self of toxic relationships yet assertiveness can be a lonely place all for the sake of being right.  I think Dr. Phil often says, "Best to just agree to disagree" and "someone needs to be a hero."  I nominate you to be the hero for you and your family.  Resentment takes a lot of energy leading to everyone reacting in want of a better response.  

It is easy to let the past scribble all over present relationships yet I have learned the hard way lots of time can be lost in camp despair.  Not saying this well yet don't allow your resentment to paint you into a corner.  You asked what helps.  Watching Joel Osteen helps me to rise from the ashes of the past to grasp the beauty of today.  People aren't perfect and never will be... including your twin siblings.  

When my parents passed there were lots of things that gnawed on me that were less than perfect.  So glad finally my thoughts don't drudge up although right now this moment I could fish into my memories to retrieve and share.  I guess time does heal as it wasn't always that way.  It is hard losing someone we love yet it is even sadder if we lose ourself in the sadness of it all.  


Your mom would want you to be happy and not fight old battles for her as it won't bring her back yet will keep you from enjoying your present by not being fully present.  We can't drive a car looking in a rear view mirror and neither can we effectively live our lives always looking back.  Life is like economics:  choice.  Hop out of the passenger seat looking over your shoulder to past resentments no matter how justified they are.  You have a life to live... yours... so hop on over in the driver seat with both eyes on your present and all those dear to you in the here and now.  Sure celebrate and hold onto your best memories with your mom.


THE GIFT OF YOU  

Not only is today a gift since the present 

You are a gift 

Being present...  


Be present for you and your family and hold onto the precious moments with your mom that you were blessed to have.  Time is precious and I have learned that I don't want to waste precious moments keeping score for then everyone loses...  That said... vent all you want here.  We all have.  You might benefit from group grief counseling even now.  Some are held in churches and a hospital chaplain may know of one.  


There are stages of grief and even now daggers of less than perfect events can pierce my heart when a less than perfect memory pops up.  Now, though, I try not to roll the reels of haunted memory lane as I've lost WAY too much of my present doing so.  Too, sometimes when sipping on sadness I'd have an expression to match some past event that totally didn't mesh with my present and would have persons wondering what was wrong with me.  I wasn't fully present.  As well, sometimes I held persons chained to the past of who they were instead of who they'd grown into or were now.  Dr. Phil says, "You are never alone if you are there for you."  Be There.
 
Replied By: yesyoucan on Jan 29, 2015, 6:18PM - In reply to calisimek
So sorry for your loss and grief...  What are some of your special memories of your grandpa?  I enjoyed fishing with mine and I make pies to feel close to my grandmother since a special memory of mine of her.
 
Replied By: imkayleesmom on Jan 29, 2015, 2:58PM
I lost my mom 6 months ago. She was my best friend! I come from a very disfunctional background. Both parents were alcoholics and my mom was addicted to prescription drugs. I had been taking care of her since I was 12. I had seven half-brothers and sisters. Three sisters have passed. I have a long history of mental illness in my family. Currently I am suffering from depression, anxiety and fibromyalgia. I quit my job 4 1/2 years ago to stay home with my mom to take care of her and to get some relief from the anxiety at my job. Since my mom passed, my depression and anxiety have gotten progressively worse. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful and successful girls. They are always there to support me. I'm lucky in that aspect.


Here's the problem, I am looking for advice regarding my relationship with my siblings who are left. One is a horrible alcoholic that I refuse to have a relationship with. He is my mother's son. He can also be abusive. The other brother from my dad lives on the West Coast and I live in the South. I believe he's also an alcoholic but, he is functional. I talk with him from time to time. He's too far away to have a close relationship with. He is 25 years older than me. The last two living sisters are my twin sisters who are my dads. We are 6 years apart. I am 47. We all grew up together except my oldest two siblings and my mom raised the twins from the age of two. My dad's first wife and my mom's first husband died the same year. Then they got married.

The twins have always treated me as an outsider but claim they love me. They have bullied me for years and even blamed me for my mom's behavior. The twins and my mom had a falling out about my dad and she through them out of the house in their senior year in high school. I'm trying to make this as short as possible without a lot of detail so, to make a long story short, they stopped calling her mom and cut their ties with her. My father was abusive to my mom. I'm not blaming my dad for all of their problems in the marriage but I was always afraid of him. My sisters put my dad on a pedestal and think he was the greatest man ever. I'm a realist, I know my mom and dad were both wrong. After many years in and out of rehab, a doctor diagnosed my mom as bipolar. With the right medication, my mom got much better and became the mom I always wanted! The twins never tried to reconcile with her.

I was was never fond of my dad because he never took responibility for his actions and he was never there for me other than money. My sisters constantly guilted me into spending time with him which was useless because he always made you feel like crap. Nothing was ever good enough for him. I did this for years even though I hated it whole time. They also demanded that I was there in the end to take care of my dad. I didn't want to but I always remembered honor thy mother, honor thy Father. I did what I needed to do.

During my mothers illness, the twins were all over my Facebook giving me support that was public for all to see but offered no other help other than by phone. The never made peace with my mom before she died and I have built resentment towards them. I reached out 3 times to them during my mom's illness for serious help and neither came. After the funeral, they came to my house to bring food and even showed up for the funeral. I think they did that to save face and it literally made me sick!

I've always felt like an outsider. They invited me to things as a family at Christmas and such but ignored me and my family when we showed up. They never included me otherwise. After my mothers death, I have been struggling with my depression and they were constantly interjecting themselves in my life. At Thanksgiving and Christmas they started texting me wanting to know if I was coming. I made an excuse of course then they asked one last time and I replied that the holidays were too emotional for me because my mom wasn't here. I told them about my depression and anxiety and that I couldn't come. I broke down and told my niece I couldn't do it any longer. She talked me into giving them one last opportunity to come and discuss exactly how I felt and they did not come. They wanted only us three to get together and have that conversation. I refused because we've been through this before and they gang up on me until I agree with them. I said no to their invitation because I refuse to be bullied any longer. Now they are trying to build a bond with my daughters. My oldest is getting married in September and they think they can get back in my graces by trying to get through to my kids. I'm tired of drama, I'm tired of the anxiety that it causes me. I physically can't take the pressure from them any longer.

Does anyone have and suggestions as to how I should handle this situation? Anyone else have a similar situation? All advice is welcome!
 
Replied By: calisimek on Jan 28, 2015, 8:09PM
December 4,2013 two days after my birthday my grandpa passed away. Although we are now on 2015? I still haven't been able to cope. I'm 18 years old and feel out of control. I cut and occasionally have problem with food
 
Replied By: yesyoucan on Jan 28, 2015, 6:40PM - In reply to lizziebeth218
 
So sorry that you have felt sad off and on for so long. Can you pinpoint when you feel most sad? What things make you happiest?

We moved to a farm and the photo if shows up was taken on the farm one morning. It makes me sad that recently a fox nabbed my chicken, Alice, and a skunk nabbed one of my roosters, Kernal Sanders. I'm happy so far we've been able to chase fox off when returned to put DOTee, Pixie, Crystal, Catarina and Fonzie on the menu.

There's a horse we passed going to and from town that my husband loves. A paint... he named Patch and I'd roll down window to yell, "Hi Patch" as we passed by the past year and a half... just in case we ever adopted him. We changed his name today to aPATCHe like Apache Indians since Native Americans rode paint/pinto horses.

Anyway, when driving to town last week I told my husband since someone in yard he ought to let them know he's interested in their paint horse in case they ever sell. OMG! They were about to get rid of horses so brought over to our farm since we're just down the rode. Said too expensive to feed and we have a hay farm... They're two horses. One is a female named Willow. Bionca, owners' daughter, said they named her Willow since born near a Willow tree so we left her name Willow.

They called aPATCHe Cookie Chip so I do sometimes when he's slow to come. They both come when we whistle and call their names. Willow runs and aPATCHe gets jealous and nips at her rear when we're petting them and giving them each an apple or carrot. Willow is half the size of aPATCHe. They only had aPATCHe till last year when they got Willow. He's 7 and she's about a year old. We play with names of things so aPATCHe is also Apache, Patch and Cookie Chip. He's such a majestic looking horse I sort of wish we'd named him Scout like horse of the Lone Ranger's partner. We were concerned we'd confuse Patch so my husband decided on aPATCHe aka Apache.

You might be able to tell I'm excited about husband getting horse he'd fallen in love with since first saw when we moved to farm a year and a half ago. Anyway, just thought I'd share what's going on here. Glad you joined us... Your fellow member yesyoucan aka yyc.
 
Replied By: lizziebeth218 on Jan 25, 2015, 3:42AM
I have suffered from depression and anixety since I was a child. I remember feeling the anixety as young as six. I did not understand what I was feeling so I would tell my mom that my heart hurt. I am twenty-three now and I feel down almost every day. Some days it is just the normal sadness and others, I just want to slit my wrist. Therapy never help because I have never been able to communicate how/what I am feeling. I guess I still don't understand. I try to tellingmyself good things about myself, but in the end, I still hate myself.
 
Replied By: yesyoucan on Jan 20, 2015, 10:03PM - In reply to dancesinthesky
So sorry for your loss...
 
Replied By: dancesinthesky on Jan 18, 2015, 8:20PM - In reply to dancesinthesky
 
Photo taken on her visit to see me in Florida. Our last time together, I never imagined three weeks later she would have taken her life.
 
Replied By: nia1110 on Jan 15, 2015, 9:52AM
Check out the Fight4Justice. Site dedicated to correcting this injustice.
Where you can see all the evidence, David's letter pleading for help, photos and story information.
Please don't forget to SIGN the Petition pinned at top of page.
You can help make a difference!
Please "LIKE" and SHARE to spread the word.
Thank you, Karen Ross-Glaser
https://www.facebook.com/theFight4Justice
 
Replied By: yesyoucan on Dec 25, 2014, 11:01AM
Happy Holidays wished to All for I know not everyone celebrates Christmas if of another faith...  

Saw Dr. Phil and his son Jay began DOCTOR ON DEMAND...  

Since I know many pop in and don't post who are extremely sad I wanted to share DOCTOR ON DEMAND @drondemand tweeted if retweet their #BeatHolidayBlues tweet you can have a free video visit..  The doctorondemand post that says a free video visit if retweet.  This warms my heart SO much since shows how much Dr. Phil and his son, Jay, care about the well being of others.  

Dr. Phil says, "You are never alone if you are there for you."  I always add BE THERE!  Nonetheless, sometimes the Holidays can feel especially lonely and SAD, too, even if just due to seasonal affective disorder.  So, if this is you, DOCTOR ON DEMAND is reaching out to help and even if DOCTOR ON DEMAND is not for you remember to keep reaching out and within until you find the help that helps.  DOCTOR ON DEMAND can also call in prescriptions prn.  

Texas Sized Hugging Prayers to ALL...

Your fellow member SEA aka YYC
 
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