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Depression and Grief


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Are you overwhelmed with dark feelings of despair? Have you suffered a loss and are having a difficult time coping? If you or someone you love is suffering from depression or is grief-stricken, you know it can be a struggle, but you don’t need to suffer in silence. Share your story here.

If you need immediate assistance, please call your local emergency number or crisis hotline listed in your local phone book's government pages.

Click here for General and Mental Health Resources.
Replied By: yesyoucan on Jul 26, 2014, 11:07PM - In reply to xojennyxo
I have found that a turning point in a person's life is when zero in and think, "What could I have done differently to not be in this predicament."  You will find quite often most of us in predicaments even if different than yours reacted in want of a better respons and, too, ignored red flags and intuition and better judgement.  So, one day at a time when feel like you are about to react in want of a better response don't react and choose the better response.  To me, it looks like you are accepting responsibility and that's a positive start.  Before getting into a relationship with someone else... get to know yourself and get all your ducks in a row.  Slow down...  Have you read Dr. Phil's book, "Love Smart"?  

Being bullied online can take a toll for sure.  I'm sorry that's happening to you.  Often not much you can do except try to ignore as usually won't stop until bully finds a new target as often done just for entertainment or boredom: reacting in want of a better response to not.  Dr. Phil says, "You are never alone if you are there for you."  I always add BE THERE... It sounds like you are ready to be there.  Things have a way of working out so give things time and try not to get ahead of yourself.  Trust is earned so learn to trust yourself first.  Too, it is easy when in counseling to get into a habit of telling everyone very personal things.  When you have a feeling it may not be a good idea to elaborate on personal matters likely not... though we've all gone on and done that and had a day of reckoning we shouldn't have.  Friends usually prefer to be friends not counselors.  Sound advice for us all nonetheless.  

Just like a person can binge on cookies a person can binge on reacting all over the place in want of a better response.  All of us can.  So just become conscious and very present.  When consider or attempt suicide we become our own worst abuser.  It is time you learned to be your best friend and loudest cheerleader.  Begin a SELF MATTERS notebook and daily write SELF MATTERS INCUDES and sign like you are autographing your life.  Then write ten positive things DAILY:  Your attributes, goals, positive affirmations etc.  This is your life and you are entitled to make the best decisions to last a life time.  Dr. Phil says "if you name it you can change it":  Dealing with consequences of decisions that weren't the best is something we all have to do.  

Trust is earned.  As you learn to trust yourself more and become your best friend responding with your best interest in mind rather than reacting... people will see that and trust you more too.  Just because we sometimes paint ourself into a corner doesn't mean that we can't paint a door out making better decisions.  You have some work to do and nobody except you can do.  SELF MATTERS INCLUDES YOU and you deserve to make better decisions and sounds like you are ready to.  Look in the mirror.  You need to be nice to the person you see there and be your best friend.  

Even though what you did wasn't a rational thing to do it is always best to accept responsibility...  I have a feeling before you did any of the things that have come back to haunt you that you first had an inkling not a good idea.  Again, that's good because you just have to look within and learn to be your best friend and do what is in your best interest.  If something isn't in your best interest in the long run...  You know that you know deep down.  

Refocusing on what is in our own best interest after reacing in a way that wasn't... takes time and practice, practice, practice.  You can do it.  "You are never alone if you are there for you," as Dr. Phil says and sounds like you are ready to be there for you.  What matters most isn't who you feel isn't there for you just so you always are.  If you care about you you always have one person who cares and you owe it to yourself to care about you 24/7 the rest of your natural life.  No more trying checking out early.

Act like your life is important for it is.  You sound like you are ready to do just that.  So, commit right now to "never, never, never" ever give up on you again.  SELF MATTERS INCLUDES YOU... BELIEVE IT  Hop into the driver's seat of your life making healthy choices responding in your own best interest rather than reacting.  "Life isn't cured it is managed" and, like the rest of us are in our own lives, you are the CEO of your life.
Replied By: xojennyxo on Jul 25, 2014, 4:50PM
I am a 32 year old female and I have been struggling with mental health since I was about 12 years old.. I have borderline personality disorder, depression and anxiety.. I have struggled with bulimia and anorexia, gambling addiction, shopping addiction, self injury - hitting, cutting, poking.., internet addiction.. I have attempted suicide over 10 times.. I have been in the hospital many times.. I have been through about 12 therapists (I am on on my 4th therapist in 2 years)..

I am also dealing with some legal issues.. about 4 years ago I had a boyfriend and he was mentally abusive towards me.. I didn't want to believe he was bad for me since I thought I could help him.. anyways, we were being harassed by a former friend of ours and it got extreme so we decided to get a restraining order against him.. I liked the attention I was getting from my boyfriend and we were also on the verge of breaking up and I didn't want to lose him so I started sending myself and my ex boyfriend harassing e-mails pretending to be someone else.. I falsely reported these messages to the police and other professionals..  eventually I stopped and the case was closed.. then about 2 years ago I posted an ad on Craigslist looking for someone to kill me.. it was reported to police  and then the investigator of the case that was closed confronted me and told me to confess because she knew I was guilty..  in March of 2012 I was charged with 6 felonies and one misdemeanor.. my charges make me look like a complete monster.. :( I lost my job, I lost friends, I was expelled from grad school and banned from campus, etc.. after being fired from my PCA job I went to the casino to try to win some money so I could be financially stable for a few months.. I ended up writing checks worth 4,000.. I was in the casino for 12 hours! I drove home which took about an hour and decided I was done with life and I was going to kill myself.. I took a bunch of Tylenol PM and Melatonin..  my dad had to drive me to the ER that morning.. I couldn't walk.. I couldn't move.. it was my 2nd time in the hospital in about 2 weeks since a few weeks prior I cut myself and was sent to the hospital..  after this hospital stay I was referred to an IRT facility (Intensive Residential Treatment).. I have been in treatment 3 times since December 2012.. 4 month stay each time.. I had suicide attempts since then (some in treatment).. I was in adult foster care (horrible experience).. I was last discharged in April 2014 and I relapsed agian in May.. I was hoping to get an apartment but I was denied because my background check showed my legal charges.. I got impulsive and decided to fire all my providers because I saw no point in getting help anymore because I didn't think it would work anymore since my legal issues were ruining everything for me. :(   I was then in the ER after threatening suicide and the police came to pick me up to bring me to the ER.. the plan was for me to go to another IRT facility.. but this time to a inpatient DBT facility but they wouldn't take me because they weren't sure what they could do for me since I was in treatment so many times recently.. I am now seeing a new therapist since the therapist I "fired" won't see me anymore..  I am hoping to get housing with help from a company.. my legal issues are still going on and it's been really hard.. I also don't have any friends really and it's hard to attract decent men.. most want to abuse me and use me.. but I won't fall for that..

anyways, that is my story.. most professionals who have worked with me tell me that what I did to my ex boyfriend was based on me being mentally ill and what I did was not something I should be punished for.. they say I have been punished enough and that there are two victims in this case - me and my ex boyfriend..

I also have been dealing with online bullies on Facebook.. about 5 people have messaged me and when I try to take action to block them then more start to write me.. they tell me I look like Jay Leno and that I'm ugly and no one cares about me.. they also tell me other mean things. it really hurts because they pick at my insecurities and I question who I can trust.

I hope I can find some support..
Replied By: yesyoucan on Jul 20, 2014, 11:01AM - In reply to forgottenpixie
So sorry for all you've been through.  You aren't letting your mom down.  Your molester did.  You are in the process of trying to heal being proactive reaching out here.  Guilt trips are expensive trips to go on so unpack your bags.  You have a life to live.  Yours.  Joel Osteen made a good point today.  He said that our minds are like computers and our negative inner dialogue are like viruses.  The anti-virus program is to practice positive thinking one more positive thought at a time reprogramming thoughts to cheer yourself on.  Ironically, in a psychology college course I took WAY back in 1977, text talked about our minds being like computers. 

You could copy what you wrote here to email to Dr. Phil.  Just click Contact Dr. Phil above and Be On The Show.  They might be able to allow you to stay in waiting room and not show your face to help you.  Anxiety is very common and a good subject to touch on because persons shy about going on show need help too and your coming here to share took courage.  So pat yourself on the back.  

Anxiety attacks are brought on because of not enough oxygen to brain due to getting breathing out of sync.  Getting breathing out of sync can be caused by working self up playing reruns of traumatic events or catastophizing even just going to store or not having healty habits of sleep, diet etc.  So learn to immediately begin breathing ...calmly... to count of 3 exactly each way.  To ground yourself gently touch finger tips as you breath in and out ...calmly... to count of three each way until do at least five times.  Try right now.  Works for me and I hope will for you too.  Exercise, like walks, can oxygenate brain so a natural mood elevator.  So often when persons say "feel like wind taken out of their sails" more truth to that saying than realize.  There's a relaxing song Just Breathe... have you heard?

Dr. Phil says "you are never alone if you are there for you."  I always add BE THERE.  You ARE being there for you coming here and that was a big step.  I have something else I'm going to add to this so stop back by if you don't see yet...

"Discover the champion in you" today and get a notebook and title SELF MATTERS INCLUDES ME and sign your name with confidence. Then each DAILY entry of ten entries to cheer yourself on title SELF MATTERS INCLUDES ME and sign your name with confidence then write ten positive things about yourself even if you don't feel that way and things you aspire to be. There is a lot to act as if until you are. Positive thinking isn't learned through osmosis and it takes practice, practice, practice. Begin practicing today! DR. PHIL QUOTE: "You're the one who talks to you, all day, every day. Characterize messages you send yourself by a rational and productive optimism." 

I know you are hurting and not trying to make it sound easy to boot strap it back up from camp despair. It takes concentrated effort at a time you feel zapped of energy. Walk to corner and back and equalize your breaths to count of 3-5-7 each way to same count like Dr. Phil suggests...breathing in healing and exhaling the pain. TOO, thinking Have Faith... as you breathe in and FEAR NOT as you breathe out is calming too, as well.  We all have to learn to have faith in ourselves and takes extra practice when something has shattered our faith, doesn't it?  Joel Osteen helps me...and you have to find what helps you. What would you suggest to your best friend...(?)...then be your best friend...always... Your fellow member, SEA 

1) I am feeling better and better every day. 
2) I will be proactive in my recovery of happiness. 
3) I will have faith in myself. 
4) I will turn negatives into positives. 
5) I will be my best friend. 
6) I am calm, relaxed, poised and confident 
7) I will cheer myself on writing DAILY positive things about myself. 
8) My past is the past and today is today and I have the steering wheel to my future 
9) "Life is not cured it is managed" and it is up to me to manage my life well 
10) Quitters never win and winners never quit so I'll never, never, NEVER give up on me...

 YOU are a winner...  Believing is seeing.  Yell it... Spell it... BELIEVE IT!  SELF MATTERS INCLUDES YOU.
Replied By: forgottenpixie on Jul 19, 2014, 9:58PM
So my name is Jordyn and I have had depression since I was eleven years old.

It started after my father molested me when my mom was in the hospital for the night due to a really bad headache and my father thought it was a good idea to touch me since I was so worried about her. A year later my dad was coming home from Iraq because he was in the army then, I eventually told my mother who reported it to the MPs who said there was no evidence, but my hymen was bruised but they didn't think it was ENOUGH evidence... *insert eye roll* My mom, brother and I moved to Oregon where I got some counciling but it didn't seem to work for me. I had nightmares and even kept a knife in my room as protection for several years but eventually stopped having it in my room since I knew it was pointless to have it.

Because I was molested and mentally abused I always felt like crap about myself all the time and no matter what meds I took they never seemed to work forever. In the last six years or so I have developed anxiety being around people, especally in stores that are crowded and it makes me feel embarrassed about it because of the anxiety and depression I can't work to help my mom and brother AND we need the money badly which makes me feel worse. I started picking at my breats, leaving scars and open wounds on them so now I feel uglier than I did before.

The sad thing is I have no one to talk to about all of this because no one in my family gets it, even my mom. I mean she listens and is really the only one that doesn't judge but I feel bad for putting all of this on her. I wish I had money to go to like the PMP  Center or the other places Dr. Phil talks about but we don't have money for that stuff and I would have anxiety going on his show...

So does anyone have any adivce or something?
Replied By: kashmir66 on Jul 19, 2014, 1:14PM - In reply to yesyoucan
Max is fine, no plans here, just sitting around as usual.
Replied By: yesyoucan on Jul 18, 2014, 9:05PM - In reply to kashmir66
How's Max?  

We went to Paris today.  Paris, Texas.  I hadn't been there since my brother managed a shoe store there in his twenties.  Lynn had business there.  Brought back lots of memories.  We took collies, Eddie & Lassie, for a walk when returned.  May mow tomorrow because grass getting SO high after all the rain past two days.  Takes three hours to mow.  Amazingly, only in the 60's.  I think the first time ever in 60's in July in Texas, Lynn said the weather folks said.  About to head off to catch some zzzz's.  Have any weekend plans, Mike?
Replied By: kashmir66 on Jul 18, 2014, 11:20AM - In reply to yesyoucan
The whole things very embarrassing, opening up to her like I did.

Trying not to think about it.
Replied By: yesyoucan on Jul 17, 2014, 4:57PM - In reply to kashmir66
Thanks Mike.  Sounds like you were having an axiety attack.  Usually, during an anxiety attack our breathing gets out of sync.  Do you ever do Dr. Phil or his son's breathing exercises?  Helps me A LOT.  I rarely to never have full blown anxiety attacks now.  When one stops by during stressful times... I'm usually able to abort when I breathe in to count of 1, 2, 3 and out to count of 1, 2, 3... as I gently touch my thumb to my fingertips to keep count.  Now, I'm in the habit of doing yet EVERY time when I begin doing breathing execise helps.  Every time.  I use too to relax to go to sleep when I'm keyed up/anxious.

Breathe in and out to same count  each way:  of three up to seven...  

Breathe in 1, 2, 3 

Breathe out 1, 2, 3 

Gently touch your thumb to fingertips as you do so you do at least five times...  

Breathe in 1, 2, 3 

Breathe out 1, 2, 3 

You are breathing in healing forces 

Breathe in 1, 2, 3 

And exhaling stress 

Breathe out 1, 2, 3 

Breathe in 1, 2, 3 

Breathe out 1, 2, 3 

Breathe in 1, 2, 3 

Breathe out 1, 2, 3 

Also, amazingly, it can help to write down an entire sheet of paper.  

Fear not.  Have Faith.  Fear Not.  Have Faith.  Fear Not.  Have Faith.  

Have faith in you Mike...  She does and we do...  Join us... 
Replied By: kashmir66 on Jul 17, 2014, 10:56AM - In reply to yesyoucan
My app was rather different and unexpected.

All the other doctors I have talked to begin arguing with me and talking for me.

She didn't do that, she basically let me talk and ramble on and on.

oddly enough that she agreed that I am probably not fixable and that she wants to help me gather up and learn how to live again and cope with my illness.

I am completely pissed off over this, it's added way too much to think about.

I cant stand it, I cant stop shaking and sweating.
Replied By: yesyoucan on Jul 16, 2014, 10:25PM
How'd your appointment with new doctor go today?
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