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Depression and Grief

 

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Are you overwhelmed with dark feelings of despair? Have you suffered a loss and are having a difficult time coping? If you or someone you love is suffering from depression or is grief-stricken, you know it can be a struggle, but you don’t need to suffer in silence. Share your story here.

If you need immediate assistance, please call your local emergency number or crisis hotline listed in your local phone book's government pages.

Click here for General and Mental Health Resources.
Comments
Replied By: yesyoucan on Apr 8, 2014, 11:05PM - In reply to ladyrider0608
First link below may help w/funds.  Sometimes moneys due to relatives pop up.  Some has for my dad, my mother and my grandmother which means goes to my brother and I.  We split.  I've helped others find moneys due to them.  Link below has been on news and maybe even Dr. Phil Show as I believe Oprah did story on.  One person in Oprah's audience had $35,000 unclaimed funds.  Some come up with zilch yet every little bit helps and some find a windfall...  

https://www.missingmoney.com/

http://www.helpguide.org/topics/grief.htm 

Same happen with my dad.  On top of handling his funeral I got a letter from VA to return last month of disability he received since he passed away on Easter, April 19th, and not alive entire month.  I was going to use that to pay everyone's airfare to his funeral so had to pay myself since I'd already promised.  It all worked out yet stressful.  


Oh, sometimes things have address of entity such as insurance policies if they don't have current address.  A check due my brother was in Florida that I found for him.  He'd never lived in Florida as an adult and not since age 6. Had his name yet said Florida.  His name not real popular so made connection with company and him and sure enough his last paycheck from  way back in1993.  So, I search all States. 


Well, late and my husband has an early morning traveling to Dallas, to see his mom.  I just thought maybe 1st link might help you with funds.  Periodically, I look up all family members because things pop up all the time.  Or what didn't show up other times did later yet nothing, due me, since 2008.  Some churches have FREE grief counseling and a hospital social worker or chaplin might be able to direct you to one. Helped me.  There you may learn of other resources.  I searched on Dr. Phil and Googled a bit yet didn't see a lot of tips for widows yet surely there is.  I'll look some more tomorrow.  Someone was just thinking about you and praying for you.  Your fellow member, SEA 


N. B.  I haven't clicked GENERAL AND MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES yet to search for possible tips for widows.  Second link for grief support that Dr. Phil suggested in his video message to us.  Have you listened to video message from Dr. Phil?  You might want to listen to Dr. Phil video if havent and click GENERAL AND MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES  link above top comment on message board here.  Click and directs you to LOTS of helpful info.  Hope to see you again soon...
 
Replied By: ladyrider0608 on Apr 8, 2014, 7:35PM
I lost my husband suddenly last year.  I couldn't grieve right away about losing him because I realized he left us 2 months behind in the bills. He worked for the railroad who we had automatic deposit with for his pay. Bob died on Jan. 30th and because he didn't work the entire month, they took his pay back  7 days after they deposited it into my account.  When I called them crying  asking what happened hey explained he wasn't alive they whole month therefore not eligible for his monthly paycheck. I then asked them how was I supposed to eat? they apologized and said goodbye. They small insurance policy paid for the funeral. What now? I work full time but don't make enough to stay afloat. What is a widow to do?? Im only 44 years old and scared to death! Not only do I miss him, but now I'm mad because he left me and I don't have anyone else to turn to! I ask again, what's a widow to do? I'm grateful for my 3 dogs because they keep me going, and I was grateful for my father in law who  was there for me to talk to and call dad, until he just died  this month. I'm so lost! And it's not bad enough I can't make my bills, I can't afford therapy either. What's a widow to do??
 
Replied By: yesyoucan on Apr 6, 2014, 3:47PM - In reply to lostinplainsig
I believe you what happened overseas happened... and I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband and mother/best friend.  

You have a gift for writing and write very well since I can feel and see your pain in your words.

When I left hospital to do the same as you I got a call from nurse my mother had passed.  SO wish I'd been there.  I was SO devastated didn't think I could escort her to Arlington National Cemetery to be placed with my father.  I'd wake up at the same time nurse called to say mother passed & get up and mute TV to watch a program with scriptures and beautiful scenery.  Beautiful music too if don't have to mute to not wake others in household.  One morning program went off & I channel surfed to Joel Osteen just by chance.  He was talking about his father passing away.  

My father had been dumped from one hospital to VA by another doctor instead of allowing surgery I'd signed papers for.  Dad died from complications of not having that surgery.  VA Hospital apologized for not maintaining sterile conditions yet it was other hospital that dumped my father when one doctor trumped gastrointestinal doctor saying dad didn't need so VA didn't do.  Dad died a month later of a perforated ulcer/sepsis.  That condition was why all his other chemistry was out of whack.    I started to relive yet caught myself.

I was entombed in grief for each loved one I've lost over the years, via 20/20 hindsight.  None would have wanted me to be and would have wanted me to celebrate their memory instead.  Thank goodness I saw Joel Osteen on TV in 2003 & still watch.  See, I've lost most my cheering section since I've lost most my loved ones and Joel Osteen cheers me on sharing his grief when his dad died yet how he didn't give up.  

I did have Collie Therapy too when my collie mix began getting up in bed with me and scooting his back up against mine as close as he could like, "Tigger's still here."  That made me realize that I wasn't validating and appreciating those dear to me still here grieving over 20/20 hindsight I missed with lost loved ones.  When someone you love dies you don't think what less you could have done and only more. 

I began timing myself when I'd go with painful memories to validate my pain.  Amazing how can seem like not that long and be over an hour.  Sipping on sadness until drunk with despair can be as incapacitating as the habit of sipping alcohol till drunk, I believe.  Life is mostly habit.  I had to step back and focus on what I could change and what I couldn't and forgive myself.  Forgive others too as Dr. Phil suggests in his Life Law #9, to empower myself.  Walks help to ease depression because oxygenates brain and naturally raises endorphin level a study proved.  Walking is my anti-depressant and ant-anxiety and anti-stress medication.  

There's FREE grief counseling a hosptial chaplain or social worker might be able to direct you to.  Here's good to share.  I was really offended when persons would try to change subject when I wanted to talk about my dad thinking would help me.  Our loved ones live on in our hearts.  I celebrate my parents, grandmother's memories in vaious ways.  Planted rose bushes.  Collect sea shells in memory of mother so if you can't find any shells on beach just call and I'll share.  It takes practice, practice, practice to boot strap it back up one more positive thought  at a time "one tear, one smile, one day, one moment" at a time.  

You and I aren't alone wearing smiles to cover how lost we feel and I can SO relate with lost in plain sight.  Use to wear sunglasses so nobody saw tears in my eyes on my walks when grieving.  Sometimes I didn't want to explain and just wanted to work through the feelings on a walk.  I think you'll find many here can relate who, like you, are trying to find a happy or happier place in the present.  

If you don't want to watch Joel Osteen a SELF MATTERS notebook helps a lot.  You title Notebook and each DAILY entry SELF MATTERS INCLUDES (and sign your name passionately  like autographing your life).  Then, cheer yourself on writing down positive affirmations, positive goals, positive things you've done.  Conscously changing the channel of inner dialogue to happier.  Dr. Phil quote, "You are the one who talks to you all day every day.  Characterize messages you send yourself with a rational, productive optimism."  Joel Osteen gave one, today, sharing how a doctor told a lady to write down every day, "I'm getting better every day in every way."  Here's a couple of mine:  "I'm calm, relaxed, posied and confident" (since i want to be) and "Healthy diet, healthy lifestyle" to point my thoughts in a positive direction...  Glad you joined us...  I wrote below about being present in the present.  

THE GIFT OF YOU 

Not only is today a gift since the present 
YOU are a gift 
Being present
 
Replied By: lostinplainsig on Apr 6, 2014, 12:25PM
I was attacked over seas.  the military sent us home rather then cause an international incident..  My husband was in the airforce.  They told all our friends I made it up and then sent us away.  I think about going back and finding the man that did that to me.  


I spent most of my adult life with an undiagnosed thyroid problem.  I was angry and depressed.  I had so many problems.  It made my husband unhappy the way I was, always so angry.  So much wasted time.  He died in the hospital almost 10 years ago.  We got married when I was 18.  27 years together.  The hospital didn't act fast enough and he died.  He died on the only night I left him.  I went home to take a shower and get some clothes.  It's been a long time but I can't get over it.  Last year I lost my mom to cancer.  She was my best friend.  she loved my husband and she was the only one that felt comfortable talking about him.  I am so lost.  I feel sad, scared, stupid, fat ugly, I can't think of 1 good thing about me.  Everyday I get up and go to work.  Laugh with and love my children and grand children.  No one know's how I feel.  Sometimes I just don't want to go on.  I love my family too much to kill myself but I feel so sad and useless.
 
Replied By: yesyoucan on Apr 4, 2014, 7:42AM - In reply to inneed411
Welcome to our group.  How are you today?  Someone was just thinking about you and praying blessings your and all our ways.  Be Blessed...  

Your fellow member, SEA
 
Replied By: yesyoucan on Apr 3, 2014, 9:23PM - In reply to inneed411
You are doing well replying.  Also, good for you, for being proactive reaching out until you find the help that helps.  Oxygenating brain walking or doing breathing exercises can ease depression.  So makes sense that if you are unable to run and do things you once liked to do it is a BIG adjustment.  Exercise like running and walking are natural mood elevators and raise endorphin level and oxygenate the brain.  When depressed our breathing is more shallow.  

Dr. Phil has even talked abut oxygenating brain with exercise helps.  Dr. Phil did a breathing exercise on THE DOCTORS too.  Gently touch each finger on your hand with your thumb as you breathe in and out calmly to count of three each way (in and out) to equalize breathing.  You'll be amazed how good feels.  Dr. Phil had whole audience equalize breathing breathing in and out to count of three.  You can do to five and seven too for deeper relaxation or meditation.  Shallow breathing can even bring on panic attacks and make pain worse.


I went on walks almost every day for over 14 years until injured my knees slipping on hay in a fall display and was told by a doctor not to walk until fixed.  So, for over two years i didn't.  Store that said would help didn't.  My fave store too.  Ironic since there (every place I shop) lots of times if I saw a potential hazard (like something spilled or broken etc.) I always took time to alert store to fix so nobody fell if I couldn't fix myself.  

I slipped on hay then tripped over pumpkins my foot slipped under yet since I didn't say my foot slipped on hay first, which did, if you trip doesn't matter.   That's really a law.  Even though true I slipped first since I didn't say in beginning insurance company hatefully said on phone, "Next time watch where you're going."  For over two years I never shopped there anymore then finally began shopping at same store different location.  Gained weight which was depressing.  Few years after happened I was so depressed not walking when almost couldn't walk using stationery bike.  I decided, "If I have to tape duct tape around my knees I'm walking again."  

Saw a neighbor with knee braces who ran and asked about.  Elastic knee wraps like runners use helps if knees hurt.  CVS carries yet mine are used that someone no longer wanted.  Anyway, amazing grace, I've been walking again over two years.  Maybe good I didn't have surgery since sometimes surgery can make worse on both knees and back.  Not sure if you are in a wheelchair yet if are, as you've seen on TV news stories, there's even sports you can do in a wheelchair. 

Sorry didn't finish.  Tornado hit west of us and knocked our power out over an hour and internet all night.  What I'm trying to say is there's a grieving process for loss of any kind including our health ESPECIALLY if could have been avoided and even if not.  I can no longer run either and it is like having your wings clipped if you are athletic. Frustrating.  

When injured my knees I stopped to get Lynn a birthday cake.  I'd said okay when he said he had some things to do at home.  To be nice he went on and stopped yet I truly wished he hadn't since when he's in a rush not pleasant shopping.  That's not why I slipped it was the hay on smooth concrete at display.  

Nonetheless, after I slipped he was mad at me for wanting to stop and get him a birthday cake on our way home for "if he'd just gone on home wouldn't have happened."  I was mad at him for stopping since I truly meant when he din't want to as we were passing store, "no problem I'll come back later."  Usually I went in other entrance.  Oh, and the store's final response, via insurance rep, after first saying would help with anything I needed, "Next time watch where you're going!"  The thing is... mainly we both (all) just wished it hadn't happened.  Being mad about is a normal response.  Mind searching for ways couldn't have happened is normal to avoid another time.  

Store saying would help then not and hateful insurance company was out of line.  I walked all the time and took ballet and had excellent balance.  The hay on concrete entrance of store fall display IS what caused my foot to slip under large pumpkin and fall.  Store and their Insurance's insensitive response, wasn't an accident.  However, later I heard sometimes knee surgery doesn't help and, like back surgery, can sometimes make worse...  So maybe best store and insurance company didn't help.  IDK (Knock on wood) so far I'm doing okay walking again.  Though, again, like you I can no longer run.  I miss that too even though I didn'r run much.  Hope to hear back from you and that you are feeling better.  


It took a lot of energy not forgiving store and stopping shopping there and holding a grievance.  My anger really was hurt because loved store, had lots of friends there (I thought).  Thank Goodness, even though didn't happen over night, I was finally able to forgive, and hope you are able too at some point, like Dr. Phil's Life Law #9 http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/44 


Your fellow member, SEA
 
Replied By: inneed411 on Apr 3, 2014, 4:33PM - In reply to yesyoucan
No hes never been abusive or hit me or anything.I know it was cause we were drinking its just so hard to let go.And yes I have permant disabilities now.I cant run I cant do alot of activies I cant even work as of now.Its limitied the things I can do with my daughter.It hurts and I dont have anyone to talk with about it and its becoming depression where I just want to sleep.Thank you for commenting I dont know if I relied back the right way I jever did this before...
 
Replied By: lah1969 on Apr 3, 2014, 10:16AM
I am very sad and confused!! I have alot of depression!!
 
Replied By: yesyoucan on Apr 2, 2014, 8:56PM - In reply to inneed411
Dr. Phil says anger is from hurt.  That would be confusing for everyone to not know the truth.  Is he abusive to you now?  Was he aware he hit you and didn't reveal he did either?  Dr. Phil's wife, Robin, has a new app for phone if he is abusive to you now: ASPIRE APP  whengeorgiasmiled.org 

Georgia was Robin's mother's name.

Sounds like both y'all's judgment was impaired drinking and an accident.  That doesn't make hurt any less though.  Do you have permanent injuries?  What do you think would help, now?  Many vent here yet do remember a public board yet you are entitled to vent/share as much as anyone else of us here who have/do.  

Glad you joined us and so very sorry for what happened.  Not sure what to say.  In fact, this is my second attempt to write this.  It took courage to "Break the Silence" speaking up.  Have you ever spoken to a counselor about?  What do you think is in YOUR best interest?

You can check out Dr. Phil BE ON THE SHOW options.  Most don't hear back yet Dr. Phil usually provides best of the best help for those he helps.  Be Blessed.  Dr. Phil quote:  "You are never alone if you are there for you."  BE THERE. 
 
Replied By: inneed411 on Apr 2, 2014, 5:54PM - In reply to yesyoucan
Well im 24 I was involved in a hit and run that has changed my life dramatically it broke both hips shattered my pelvic and broke my sacrum. Atleast thats what I tell everyone me and my boyfriend went out that night and was drinking and I became angry for some reason involving his ex I dont remember much I just know he tried to leave and I went to driver door and he pressed the gas and I fell underneath the injuries are real but my reality is fake.We are together and he stayed by myside through it all but we never talk about it and I have so much anger, confusion and hurt.I cant talk to no one cause no one knows the real story...I desperatly need to vent and have someone to talk to...Thanks for listening God bless
 
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