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Depression and Grief


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Are you overwhelmed with dark feelings of despair? Have you suffered a loss and are having a difficult time coping? If you or someone you love is suffering from depression or is grief-stricken, you know it can be a struggle, but you don’t need to suffer in silence. Share your story here.

If you need immediate assistance, please call your local emergency number or crisis hotline listed in your local phone book's government pages.

Click here for General and Mental Health Resources.
Replied By: demonchaser68 on Oct 11, 2015, 7:00PM - In reply to yesyoucan
That was a lovely prayer and alot of people im sure they agree. I also like the Dr.Phil show and website but at the end of the day it doesn't heal you from a life you no longer have or to help you find the person that you use to be. I do not think that even Dr.Phil can help find what was lost many years ago.

But again, your prayer was pretty and thank you for sharing it.
Replied By: fabulousbeauty on Oct 8, 2015, 7:02PM
It feels like a long time since I've been here. Well, I'm still alive...even though I'm wondering why I am alive.

Where has PKDiva been? I've been fighting a vicious battle with depression and doing my best to survive. I've learned a lot about myself over the past few years. Just blessed to survive to tell my story today. I've been working in improving myself as much as I could.

Hi SEA! Hope you're doing OK.

More later.

Denise W,
Replied By: aussiejosh on Oct 6, 2015, 9:15PM - In reply to cindytyler
Hi there are just so many situations in this world that are effecting people, as human beings assuming we believe in God or not we were designed to be loved and appreciated, depending on the environment we grew up in sometimes we are shown love and sometimes we aren't, the hard part is coping with the effects of being shown hatred or being bullied. 9/10 times this is the key to most depression. I unfortunately grew up in a family that never showed love i didn't know any better cause that was the environment i grew up with, i have thought many times that life just wasn't worth living however i did not feel i had the right to end it either so i continue to battle on, i pray  that all the suffering on this earth will end soon and that no one will have to live with depression.
Replied By: cindytyler on Oct 5, 2015, 6:46PM
I have lost so much in my life that I just wanted to ended it all but by the grace of God I made it back. My father died when I was 10 then a few years later I was molested and when I was 16 I was raped. Then after I was married my son died when he was 5 days old I thought I would lose my mind but it wasn't over yet I had a miscarriage a year after losing my son. But God blessed me with two children. Then I lost my husband to a surprise divorce at least I was surprised I thought things were going good I mean after 21 years it broke my heart into pieces but for some reason I made it. Now I am married to a man that loves me and that stood by me when my mother passed away and then the very next year we lost our grandson. So yes I have had my fair share of loss but I made it through to the other side and so can you so don't give up and if you ever need to talk I am here for you and I will help as much as I can
Replied By: kel6360 on Oct 1, 2015, 10:31PM
I lost my son last dec.and now I live in my bedroom only leaving for a bit then I'm back in there where I don't have to deal with anything I have lost family members and great friends but nothing compares to losing my son. I have been through the surgeries and spine problems and now I have problems and it seems to numb the issues that I don't have to deal with the excruciating pain of losing him this is the worst pain ever I keep trying to stay numb some days it works and other days not so good. I become ill trying not to do what a vicious cycle .i would like to recieve a message from anyone who has lost an adult child maybe it will help on trying to figure out how to deal.
Replied By: edmicequeen on Sep 28, 2015, 2:45PM
.I am a victime and a victor a survivor and yes maybe an addict ....I do not do heroine like those girls do mine is prescribed but i dont know how i would deal with my body pain without it ....i was raped from the time i was 6 to the time i was 14 when my brother my abuser finally killed himself . my father killed himself does it come to mind of course it does every single day .   Since i had been physically abused by a mom with issues of her own she was not my ear of choice to stop the rapes actually there was no ear of choice i told no one . Therefore now i sit i am 48 years old i have flash backs when i sleep horribly of my youth ....I get why these girls did heroine but i dont i believe it is not one drug addicts position to judge anothers . Everyones hell is there own . Mine is to fight my own urges and to stay in a postion daily that makes me at least not hurt physically and be able to walk and function ...My abuse caused me to get fibromyalgia i have it severe ii take two different kinds of oxy and a cocktail of happy pills to keep me off the bridge ...i am not writing this as a sob story pity i have no time or need for i am writing it so people will realize sometimes when the world has you from such a young age and you can scream and no one hears you you look foor something in yourself to calm the voices .Maybe thats the bigest problem with addictions is it DOES CALM THE VOICES
Replied By: edmicequeen on Sep 28, 2015, 2:29PM
Here i sit talking to a world of people i dont know.I stare at my computer screen wishing it wopuld yell an answer back at me .
I feel like i am tangled in a world of horror but can not escape.
The horror is in my mind 
My memories how do you conquer your memories
How do you get past what has formed you to be what you are 
It is like like trying to run with no legs 
or swim with no limbs.
The feeling of slowly being unable to breath 
but yet there is no end
it is like running down a dark tunnel that has no light at the end 
how long do you run 
is it right to quit running or is it just a dream to die 
Replied By: ssilkworth on Sep 15, 2015, 7:28PM


  My brother-in-law John Martin, who lives in Pennsylvania, was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer on August 18, 2014 and he is fighting for his life in more ways than one. John worked his entire life at hard jobs like the steel mill, several power plants, Conowingo Dam, etc. he never had an easy job. He would have to leave his family at 3 AM to commute to his job and would not get home until 9 PM. He never complained he just made sure he supported my sister Gail (his wife) and his three children. He has always done what was right, paying his taxes, no hand outs, working his life away and providing for his family. John did not have insurance because of being laid off (the layoff was because the company did not give him enough hours to work) at the time he was diagnosed with cancer and now his medical bills are piling up to extreme amounts ($400,000.00 so far) and all the hospital wants to talk to my sister about is liquidating Gail’s and Johns home (the home that both Gail, John and some family members and friends built from ground up  to keep the expense for the house down) and everything they worked for their entire life.  John worked his entire life and did everything that was right and for that he gets a death sentence for doing what was right.

Gail had done all the paper work in September 2014 for Social Security Disability benefits which took 6 months before they began receiving any money. Then John’s Companies Union that he worked for is telling them he is going to get a Retirement Transition Payment (whatever that is) which that is why the health insurance costs $473.00 a month. They have the $473.00 taken out of his Retirement Transition Payment and the rest gets sent to Gail and John. In August 2014 is when Social Security claimed him as being totally disabled they did not have any insurance at that time.  The insurance does not take care of anything before October 2014 which is a total of $400,000.00 at this point. 

 John was put in the hospital on August 15, 2014 and had his first brain surgery on August 18, 2014. Within 24 hours after John had his first brain surgery, while the doctor was in John’s room talking to Gail telling her what John’s prognoses was, a woman named Lindsay from the Financial Department of York Hospital called John’s room asking Gail how were they going to pay the hospital bill. Gail was already devastated with what she was hearing from the doctor and the last thing on her mind was the hospital bill. There were doctors in the room while Gail was trying to understand what they were telling her and listening to this inconsiderate ignorant woman Lindsay that did not give a damn about what was happening to Gail and John or whether John was going to live, but just wanting the money for the hospital. Lindsay said to Gail that she was on her way up to talk to John about the bill. Gail informed her that she was not coming up to bother John and Lindsay was being pushy by telling Gail she would be up.  Gail informed her that she would be better off to stay away from John’s room unless she wanted to have the evening news report “woman went berserk and kills an uncaring, rude ignorant woman that wanted to know how the hospital bill was going to be paid but not how her husband John was going to live or die”. Lindsay told Gail that they were going to have to get together to talk about liquidating Gail’s and Johns assets to pay the hospital bill. The doctors at York Hospital gave every treatment that John needed even thought Lindsay was hassling them for the hospital bill to be paid.  One incident, the doctors heard Gail speaking to Lindsay on the phone and when Gail hung up the doctors asked her what was that about. Gail informed them that Lindsay keeps bothering her and John about his hospital bill. The doctors were appalled by Lindsay’s actions that the next day there was a new person came up to talk to Gail about the hospital bill. The woman’s name was Clare and kept apologizing to Gail about Lindsay’s rude actions.

 Gail began taking John to the Apple Hill Cancer Care Center, in York, Pennsylvania. Gail wonders why when they would go to the hospital the bill would cost a lot more (almost twice as much) for the same treatment he is getting at the Apple Hill Cancer Care Center in York but with MUCH, MUCH, MUCH BETTER nursing staff, and all the staff helping John. The staff at Apple Hill Cancer Care Center, in York, is MORE COMPASSIONATE, MORE FRIENDLY treatment for John than how he had been treated in York Hospital. The Apple Hill Cancer Care Center, in York treats him as if they care how he is feeling because they do care the treatment is more compassionate and personal. The Apple Hill Cancer Care Center staff came up to him one day and spoke to him as gently and caring as could be. Asking him how was he doing and how was his weekend holding a conversation of caring and not ignorance with him. At the Apple Hill Cancer Care Center in York just for one of his infusions it costs $17,000  (evastin drip and the chemo that has to be done twice a month). The radiation has to be done every day which runs 5 – 10 minutes for 42 days the first time and 18 days the second time. Then he has to go through other treatments throughout the day which are not close in times. So Gail will take him (that both Gail, John and some family members and friends built from ground up to keep the expense for the house down) and then they have to come back for the other treatments John needs which is a 45 minute drive at the least. The doctors do not understand how John is still living; they look at him with amazement.

 John always told Gail that he would take care of his family whether he was alive or dead. Now they are both worried that when John dies or even before he dies (as cold hearted as the York Hospital Staff is) they will be put on the street with no place to live because of the medical bills and the treatment he still has to undergo every day. What I don’t understand is you have all these young adults on welfare, getting medical assistance, food stamps, cash assistance every month just by claiming they have something wrong with them. They can get a cut on their hand which is nothing and go to the hospital for treatment or to a doctor and they do nothing to help themselves out. They have never worked a day in their lives (or very little time of working) and the state pays everything for them. They don’t even have to worry about paying rent, electricity; water, food, medicine, nothing and they have it all given right to them. Then on top of them getting all the free stuff from the state, they have never worked to put a dime into the system but they are benefiting from people like John who has paid into the system their entire lives. What is wrong with this? John worked his entire adult life paying his taxes, supporting his family, getting up going to work early in the morning and getting home late at night whether he was sick or not, whether it was snowing, raining, sunny or whatever he went to work. I NEVER EVER heard John complain about anything. Gail and John use to talk about growing old together and finally being able to spend time with each other enjoying their golden years. Now, all John has been given is a death sentence for living right and doing right and paying his dues. Where is that fair, tell me where is that fair. You have these young adults out there collecting welfare because they are too lazy to get up out of bed to go to work, but they are not too lazy to get up and get their welfare goodies. They are not too lazy to jump into bed with another guy and bring another child into the world so they can collect more money from Social Services. If John got laid off from one job he kept applying for another job. He did not go to Social Services for any help. John felt he had to support his family and he went out and found another job. John had to make sure he had a job to pay his mortgage and other bills and support his family. Gail would do crafts and whatever she could to help with the finances because she could not go to work due to her having a bad back. So she would find other ways to bring money into the house. Gail worked when she was younger and hurt her back on the job but never sued for her back and never went to Social Services for any kind of help. She found other ways of scrimping here and she would cut out coupons to save money and she would do crafts and things she could do to bring money into the house and help John.

  Then let’s not forget how the government keeps allowing foreigners coming into our country causing the American worker to pay more taxes and lets the foreigner get assistance right away and what have they done for our country, NOT A DAMN THING. Let’s not forget where they can come into our country, take our jobs from us and they don’t pay any taxes for seven years and they have a business given to them by our government. They go home to their country for a month every year on vacation taking American money to their country. Then after seven years they go back to their country taking our money and giving it to their families and having another family member come back in the US taking their place to get their free government goodies that they have never paid anything into our government. The government won’t give an American citizen a business without a lot of red tape. And the government is not going to give an American citizen any business in the first place; the American citizen is going to have to pay for everything themselves. The foreigners come into our country and now our children have to learn their language and we have to make changes in our culture for the foreigners. WHY? Why do the Americans have to change our culture for them? If we were to go to their country do you really think they are going to change their culture or their language for us? HELL NO. But there are the Americans like John that work every day paying their taxes ever pay day and every year so we can support the lazy young adult Americans that think the world owes them everything and the foreigners. But not the Americans that actually worked and paid into their government every pay day and every year just like John did.

 John and Gail had never even gone to the doctors before this started. The first time John went to the doctor was when he was having pain in his middle finger from a splinter and they thought it was an infection or something. Gail took him to a Patient First type of clinic in mid September where they misdiagnosed his middle finger diagnosing it as an infection. The doctor at the clinic saw his middle finger and saw how infected it was and she made the remark that she was not going to touch that because it was too painful. The doctor also said she would not lance it or touch it because of how bad it. John and Gail did what the doctor at the clinic told them to do trying to get the middle finger to heal. The middle finger kept getting worse and more painful for John that on Veterans Day in November 2013,  Gail called a doctor to get an appointment (which was a holiday)so they went to a regular doctor’s office and this time the doctor diagnoses his middle finger as some type of bone infection. This doctor told her she had to take him to a specialist and the specialist informed her that the finger had to be amputated or the infection would grow all the way through the bone which would have caused him to have his entire hand amputated.

Now when John and Gail need help desperately to pay for his medicine, medical treatments, their mortgage, car payment, food, electricity, water etc... The living expenses that we all have they have no one to help them. Their money from his company is going to be running out soon. They can’t pay their bills now with the money they are getting from Social Security Disability and his company which is causing their bills to get higher. Gail is paying the most important bills that she can with the monies they are getting. They desperately need financial help NOW. We do not know how much longer John is going to be with us and that alone is tearing Gail and all the family up. We HAVE GOT TO GET THEM SOME HELP NOW….

  John is afraid that when he dies the hospital and all the bill collectors are going to take their home (that both Gail and John built themselves, using their own blood sweat and tears not builders) and everything they worked so hard for and sacrificed for the things that they wanted to get. They sacrificed and did without to build their home and get their assets and to provide a safe haven for the both of them; John thought it was going to be his safe haven also in his golden years. Now he is not going to have any golden years. If someone does not help them out financially right away they are going to lose everything they worked so hard for. Then John is going to feel like why did he even work so hard and sacrifice the time with his family and things he wanted and did not get. He is going to feel like why did he even bothered working so hard when the creditors are going to take it all from them. John worries what is going to happen to Gail when he dies. Gail and John have been together since high school and they are best friends, lovers, husband and wife. If John dies and Gail loses everything they both worked for he is afraid of what is going to happen to her. Gail has been through enough pain and if she loses what she and John worked for all their lives and she loses John, what is going to happen to her. Gail will completely fall apart and just give up completely. If the creditors take what her and her best friend, lover, husband worked together for she is going to give up completely. At least if she can keep what John and her worked their lives for, the only place she feels comfortable and where their children can come to visit her than she may survive when John is gone. If someone could help them out financially and Gail can keep what her and John worked for than she can at least have the memories when her and John did specific things together on their property and their home. I am BEGGING YOU to PLEASE, PLEASE HELP John and Gail out FINANCIALLY NOW. THEY NEED HELP NOW…….. I am worried about both of them. Gail and John are two of the strongest people that I have ever known. Gail and John are very strong, I feel like that they could get through anything together. But, they are not going to be together when John dies and Gail is going to lose her best friend and all of the things they worked together for their entire lives. They have always been there for each other in the good times and the bad times. When their son Johnny was born he almost died because he had a bowel movement which he swallowed and inhaled the bowel movement into his lungs and he almost died. Babies SHOULD NOT have a bowel movement in the womb!! They could inhale it and it could be fatal.  Meconium aspiration syndrome is a common cause of serious illness and even death in newborns. Meconium is a thick, dark, sticky substance inside the fetal intestines that is usually passed as a bowel movement after birth. delivery. Gail and John had to pay over $100,000.00 for Johnny’s medical treatment and his surgery and support two older daughters and be there for. They never went to any one for help on paying the bill. They sacrificed and scrimped and did what they had to do so they could pay Johnny’s medical bills which they paid in full by themselves. They never went to get assistance from any agency or anybody; they worked together and paid the bill in full. Then when their son Johnny was 3 years old they almost lost him a second time because he had a brain tumor that was crushing his brain. He was rushed into Hershey Hospital having emergency brain surgery to remove the tumor. Gail and John had to pay over $100,000.00 for Johnny’s medical treatment and his surgery again. They never went to any one for help on paying the bill. Again, they sacrificed and scrimped and did what they had to do so they could pay Johnny’s medical bills which they paid in full by themselves, and again had two older daughters to support and be there for also. Again, they never went to get assistance from any agency or anybody; they worked together and paid the bill in full. So I am asking if you could PLEASE help my brother-in-law and my sister Gail financially and in any way you possibly can. I have watched on television where you help many people with different types of problems. I have watched where you gave a homeless family a gorgeous home and got the father a job. I have watched where you have helped drug addicts get themselves together and go straight. I have watched where there was a miserable rude teenager that her family was afraid of.  I have never written in for anyone to help me or anyone in my family before. So I AM BEGGING YOU to PLEASE PLEASE help Gail and John NOW. Please do not allow the hospital or any other agency take the home that they built together and everything they have worked for their entire lives. I am so afraid I am going to lose my sister when John dies. It’s bad enough and going to hurt really bad when John dies that I lost a caring, loving, and honest, hard working brother-in-law. But, if I lose my sister along with losing John I am not going to make it through that. My sister, myself and our brothers and sisters have already lost our mother (which we were so young when she died at 30 years old and we were not living with her when she died. (Gail was 8 years old and I was just turning 7 years old 3 days after she died). We were living with our scum of a father and his father being sexually, mentally and physically abused. My mother was working with her father (our grandfather) to come up from Florida and get all of her children away from our father. She had called him and told him she was going to get her children away from him. When she was on her way up to get us children she died from Sinai poisoning. Than we lost our grandfather he was 62 (who was raising all 8 of us children with my grandmother, they were our mothers parents). Grandfather had a heart attack and he was a diabetic. All of my brothers and sisters and I felt like grandfather had found out what his son (Edward) was doing to me and my sisters and grandfather was going to have him locked up. Grandfather was not the type of person that would put up with anyone including his own son to sexually abuse anyone so he was going to report to the proper agencies what his son (Edward) was doing. We all believe that his son (Edward) killed him somehow. Then we lost our brother Jimmy on Labor Day weekend when he was only 25 and his wife (Rose) had just given birth to his son (Jimi) in June on Father’s Day. Jimmy lost out on ever getting to know his son (Jimi) and my brothers and sisters and I were kept away from the baby so we never got to know him and vise versa. His mother (Rose) kept him away from us for fear of the truth coming out about Jimmy’s death and what she had done to cause his death. Then we lost our sister Tina due to her having seizures in her sleep, she had just turned 35 years old. Her seizures were caused by her abusive husband (Terry) who beat the hell out of her on a daily bases. The week before she died he had slammed her head on a shelf at the Giant Grocery Store. She was going to leave him but she had to protect her daughters and was not able to before she died. Than we lost our grandmother at age 91, she died in a nursing home which everyone in the family promised she would never be put in a nursing home. Her son (Edward) had her put into a nursing home and did not tell anyone what he had done until he was forced to tell us when Susan had made it clear she was coming up that Thursday to take grandmother out to dinner (every Thursday my sisters and I would get together and take Grandmother up to Terry’s Restaurant (or where ever she wanted to eat) to get grandmother out of the house and spend time with her. It had been a couple of weeks since we were able to get an answer to pick her up from Edwards. Than we find out her son (Edward) had put her into a nursing home on Hospital Drive without telling anyone what he had done. He knew Susan would have taken her to live with her. Grandmother had been living with Susan and Steve (Susan’s husband) for a month before Edward needed more money and got her and took her to his home. While Debbie (grandmother’s grand-daughter and Susan’s sister) was watching Grandmother while Susan and Steve were at work, Edward went to Debbie’s saying how he missed his mother and wanted her back home with him. Debbie nor Susan could say no to him because that was her son and she had made him the damn executor of her will and of her. All he wanted was to get more money from grandmother and then put her in a nursing home. He had already taken her Alzheimer’s medication away from her and stopped her from ordering anymore so she could not take her medicine she needed. He said she could not afford her Alzheimer’s medication and made it sound like she had another form of Alzheimer’s medication that she was taking and was cheaper. Come to find out he was a liar and just did not get her the medication because it would stop him from getting money he needed for his medication and living expenses. He was and still is a scum just like our father is. Than we lost our sister Debbie last year, she had a bad heart, trachea in her throat so she could breathe, she was obese, and she had an extremely bad back and bad legs. Debbie had trouble walking because of her being obese and her bad back and legs causing her to not be able to exercise to lose the weight and try to get into better health. Debbie was at home trying to connect her trachea when a problem happened and she was without oxygen causing her heart not to beat for around 12 minutes. When her husband Joe got home and found out what was happening he called 911 immediately trying to save her life he was giving her CPR while waiting for the paramedics. The paramedics came and resuscitated her by administering electric shock to the heart, getting her to breathe again. Typically, when a person goes over five minutes without a heartbeat, blood flow or oxygen they are in serious danger of permanent brain damage. After the paramedics got Debbie to the hospital the hospital team cooled Debbie’s core temperature to below 90 degrees Fahrenheit –a process called “induced hypothermia” to reduce the damage to her brain and organs, this is often done to cardiac arrest patients, either by injecting them with a cold saline solution or placing ice packs on them to increase their chances of complete recovery. Debbie was in the hospital for a couple weeks while they were trying to save her but it was too late. Debbie was already brain dead and was hooked up to all the equipment to keep her alive. The doctors looked into every way possible to bring Debbie back but it was not going to work. Then Joe and the family got together with the doctors to hear what they had to say. When the meeting was over Joe and the family decide to pull the plug on Debbie to give her peace. The ones that did not want to be in the room when they pulled the plug went into Debbie’s room and said their goodbye before the plug was pulled. The ones that wanted to be in the room when the plug was pulled were in there. Debbie stopped breathing completely in less than 12 minutes of the machines being taken off of her.

  The reason I brought up all the siblings and our mother and grandparents’ dying is because how much more do you think Gail can take. Gail is very strong willed and she is a fighter just like John is but I am afraid she is not going to have any fight left in her when John dies and everything that she feels comfortable around is taken from her. Gail and John bought the property in Pennsylvania and built their home from stick by stick. No contractor or any other agency built their home. They did it with the help of family and friends. Please do not let Gail and John lose their home and everything they worked for all their lives. Please help them NOW………………………….Don’t make Gail suffer anymore than she will when she loses her best friend, lover and husband John and with all the pain she has already endured PLEASE DON’T LET THE CREDITORS TAKE HER HOME. I am giving you my information because Gail and John do not have an email address and they don’t answer their phone if they don’t know the phone number because of the creditors hassling them.         

                                                             My name is Susan Silkworth
                                                         My email address is
Replied By: lilmuma on Sep 14, 2015, 1:23AM
My life changed mentally April last year when I was hospitalized due to work place bullying. And my mind has not been the same since. I refused to take medication because I don't believe they would fix me. I chose the ocean to help heal me. But I have lost who I was since that day. I was cheeky, fun and friendly, but that person doesn't really exist now. I stopped working because I was afraid of my abusive boss. This has taken a toll on my children and my husband financially and emotionally. I feel I'm to blame why we don't have a happy fun family anymore. I put up a front so no one knows how I feel inside. While dealing with myself, I got a phone call that my abusive dad had a stroke behind the wheel in auckland nz . AS I am the eldest and my sister also due to have a baby, I had to go to my dads side to make sure he was ok. My dad never really smiles at me but this time he did. 6 months later me and my sister went back to nz as we were told he isn't going to well and so we went home to nurse him till he passed at ages 62. Me and my sister were close but life's affected who we are now as adults with our own children. He left nothing to our children nor ourselves and gave it all to his wife of only 4 yrs and she wont talk to us. Help plz Dr phil
Replied By: yesyoucan on Sep 2, 2015, 10:35AM

Prayed by SEA 

If ever you reach out in word 
And feel like no one heard 
To me each message that I see 
Are like prayers rising up to Thee 

After you left with all your tears 
Combined with all your haunting fears 
People stopped to read words you left 
Sending prayers for you to be blessed 

Parting prayers prayed to help you some 
So you feel uplifted when here you come 
And when no one knows what to say 
Now and then know for you many pray 

Thus if after you bare your soul 
You feel no one heard... not one soul 
I wanted you to know I stopped by 
Said a prayer for you signed please reply
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