Depression and Grief


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Are you overwhelmed with dark feelings of despair? Have you suffered a loss and are having a difficult time coping? If you or someone you love is suffering from depression or is grief-stricken, you know it can be a struggle, but you don’t need to suffer in silence. Share your story here.

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Replied By: yesyoucan on Jun 30, 2016, 9:49PM
How long do parots live?  Roosters can live to be 12.  Occasionally, I see free parots with cage on craigslist yet so far never nearby.  I used to have a zebra finch and two canaries and the zebra finch was much like a rooster beginning his cute little reveille when the sun came up.  He was a fun alarm clock.
Replied By: yesyoucan on Jun 28, 2016, 10:01PM - In reply to nightlady
It is always good whenever I stop by and see that you've stopped by, too.  

It is very lonely in the country so I go on short trips to a country Thrift Store that has been there for 28 years next door to the Church of Christ.  Owner said she's lonely too.  Owner goes to Church of Christ and wants me to go too.  I've thought about a few times and "may" Sunday as I can always tape Joel Osteen.  

She's a character as I couldn't remember our cell phone number since Lynn just got it so she called everyone in city, she said, to find me and amazingly did.   We'd gotten new landline number too due to so many solicitation calls. This is a very small city yet still.  LOL...  My neighbor called and said "the owner of Thrift Store trying to find you."  

Then our landline out two weeks so we had disconnected since not first time and most out here don't have landlines since service SO undependable.  Owner of Thrift Store called neighbor across from us who we hadn't given new number to yet who called neighbor who stops by to be sure we are still alive who we'd given new number to one of the times he stopped by to see if we are still alive.  That could be why he stopped by since couldn't get us.   Neighbor said that Thrift Store owner wanted to be sure I was okay.  It was after I told her about cottonmouth near front door so thoughtful for her to do.  Country folk check on each other since things happen.  They are blunt and succinct too.  Like the neighbor who told us that he just stops by once in awhile to be sure we are still alive.  LOL...  So far so good...

Today we got home from errands and owner of Thrift Store called and left message saying that she was lonely so I went to take her a cupcake.  She's a senior citizen.  LOL!  Guess I'm one too yet she's had more practice.  Anyway, she is a bit scared since she's been feeling faint.  Had a bunch of tests this week.  Keeps me in practice driving and only about seven minutes away on seldom traveled road so relatively safe since I can only see out of one eye.  Plus, keeps me in practice driving so whenever I get other eye fixed if fixable I'll still know how to drive and won't be scared to from not driving.  No surprise THE DOCTORS tv show still haven't called me or I'd have fixed.  Oh well, someone tell Dr. Phil and The Doctors I'm available for a makeover even if only just my right eye, please.  

Thanks for saying to be careful.  I love to be reminded as I surely don't want to ever never ever get snake bit.  The idea of that has always creeped me out.  Eddie and Lassie are still with us though Lassie is grandma dog and Eddie has nasal cancer and his nose looks pitiful.  Veterinarian said as long as he's eating he must still want to be around and he is.  Did you ever get another parrot?  

I've been grieving the loss of our pet Rooster Fonzie and his hen pal, Pixie.  Both Rhode Island Reds.  We had Fonzie about two years and Pixie a little over a year.  We've lost all four roosters (Fonzie, Kernal Sanders, Amos and Andy) and all five hens (Alice, Catarina, DOTee, Crystal and Pixie).  Lynn said I couldn't have anymore chickens since wildlife keep nabbing so I gave coop to neighbor who keeps checking to be sure we are still alive.  However, he doesn't seem to want and said we could always put on burn pile.  It's worth about $50 and he'd broken his tractor window so I was trying to be nice in case he might want to sell.  Coops are very popular out here.

I hope neighbor doesn't  want coop now, and not just kidding about putting on burn pile and really wants, because Lynn said I can paint and get another pet rooster.  See most don't want too many roosters so often free on craigslist and often wind up in rooster stew.  Place we got Fonzie free said that "illegal immigrants with a car load of kids stopped by to get seven roosters before us and said going to make rooster stew out of them and just crammed them all in their trunk." 

I asked Lynn, if a rooster would you want to end up in rooster stew or have a fighting chance on a farm. Lynn decided he'd want a fighting chance on farm.  Fonzie was a happy rooster so now I so get your sadness losing your parrot.  I'd almost love to have a rooster sanctuary since most just want egg laying hens.  I did love all my chickens though.  Like dogs each has their own personality.  Fonzie and Kernal Sanders would knock on door w/beaks for a grated cheese, doughnut etc. treat.  First time I was like "Who's tapping on door?"  There'd be Fonzie and Kernal Sanders.  Wish chicken not on the menu of so many wildlife creatures out here.  I even have a hand painted rooster armoir I paid $80 for on craigslist.  They steal your heart PLUS scare off snakes and eat bugs and were always up by front door foraging to protect me or to search for goodies in-between treat handouts.  Texas Sized Hugging Prayers...
Replied By: nightlady on Jun 27, 2016, 7:47PM - In reply to yesyoucan
Be careful and watch out for those snakes.  Up where I used to live, a friend of mines dog got bit by a rattlesnake.  It survived but they were lucky.  I hate snakes too.  I was out watering the other night and a big alligator lizard  came out from behind one of my potted plants.  That scared me half to death.  My little nephews would have loved it.  They are always going out trying to find lizzard.  They have several that their parents have bought for them.  They are alway trying to get me hold one of them.  No thank you.  It's alway good to come on the Dr. Phil board and see you are still here.  Take care and be careful when you're out walking.
Replied By: yesyoucan on Jun 27, 2016, 10:14AM - In reply to nightlady
I kid you not...  Not less than five minutes ago I just was saying, "I'm taking Joel Osteen's advice and going on a news break."  When I went to a seminar at Richland College years ago not watching news was advised since stressful.  Although, part of tension in my eyes is Lynn killing a cotton mouth snake in front of house by walkway this past week.  Then, the next day on the way to town near driveway another snake stretched out that I couldn't tell if a stick or a snake at first that Lynn confirmed a snake.  

In fact, I'm ready to move back to city.  If my grandmother or dad still alive and lived in my hometown, THE first snake I saw here by house I would have been packed and gone.  Living here is like a living nightmare so I totally cannot deal with the non-stop drama on news.  My snake distress is to the level of Dr. Jennifer Ashton on Dr. Phil and his son Jay's show, "The Doctors."  They allow her to not be on stage when snakes on show talking about snake anxiety.  Shakespeare may say the world is all a stage and we are all merely actors yet Dr. Ashton nor I are faking our intense snake anxiety.  It is real and a very real and present danger here.  Okay if country brave like Lynn yet, alas, I am not.

Personally, I think that the news is often a catalysit to the proliferation of publicity seeking tragedy of terrorists etc. evil persons.  Now, far too many too, seek a nano second of fame for the flowers they leave to be on the news at the latest tragedy sight and use as an excuse to go there and be on camera.  "Oh, look there's my flowers I left..."  Persons who may never give flowers to their mom or a dear friend to validate and appreciate while alive... pile in a heap hoping to see theirs on the news. 

IMO  Protests that wouldn't grow as large as do if not in hopes to be on the news grow to point of anarchy levels blocking traffic of persons just trying to get home after working hard all day.  And there the news folks are seeing how many different ways they can describe situation all the while inciting and exacerbating.  As everyone asks how and why, perhaps, the news media should just go look in the mirror to find the answer to how and why...  However, the not sharing of information again like experts said led to 9/11 disaster occurred again to when FBI questioned man in Florida THREE times yet no record nor had local authorities been made aware.  Once again that's supposed to change...  Common sense to have always done.  Common sense is not so common always...

Not to mention the exploitation and abuse of the first amendment that has drug us all down into the gutter.  Oh well, since this isn't an English class I won't go on.  Believe it or not I used to get A's for my passionate writing in college yet oh well...  I'm passionate about Emotional and Life Skill Education K-12 since parents cannot teach what haven't learned.  Maya Angelous quote, "When we know better we do better."  Those who know better need to do better and those who don't need to be taught.  I guess I'm preaching to the choir.  Good to see you Barb...
Replied By: nightlady on Jun 26, 2016, 5:41PM
You fight to keep from falling into the darkness and then you turn on the TV or go on the internet and everywhere hatred and murder, people killing their own children, or abusing them, people abusing animals, I don't understand.  What is wrong with people, with society.  All the murder and violence is acceptable to everyone?????  Society is out of control.  I'm afraid to even leave the house anymore.  This isn't a world I want to live in.  Things have got to change, we are going to hell in a handbasket and no one seems to care.  People seem to think that as long as it doesn't touch them, it doesn't matter.  Wake up people.  Just saying!!!!!!
Replied By: yesyoucan on May 16, 2016, 1:32AM - In reply to mindsthunder
I just popped in since my hair wasn't quite dry yet need to get some sleep, now.  Leaving all y'all in God's hands via prayer... 


If ever you reach out in word 
And feel like no one heard 
To me each comment that I see 
Are like prayers rising up to Thee

After you left with all your tears 
Combined with all your haunting fears 
People stopped to read words you left 
Sending prayers for you to be blessed

Parting prayers prayed to help you some 
So you feel uplifted when here you come 
And when no one knows what to say 
Now and then know for you many pray

Thus if after you bare your soul 
You feel no one heard... not one soul 
I wanted you to know I stopped by 
Said a prayer for you signed please reply
Replied By: yesyoucan on May 16, 2016, 1:09AM - In reply to tiffebs
You've been through a lot.  Dr. Phil suggests this link: which has advice for suicide and grief.  Are you and/or your daughter going to grief counseling?  Social Workers at Hospitals and many churches often know of grief counseling groups.  Also Al-anon might be helpful for you and your daughter.  Finding what helps is like looking for a pair of shoes.  What works isn't one size fits all.  You have to keep reaching out until you find the help that helps that may or may not be the same for you and your daughter.  We all are individuals.

Good old fashion talking can help too.  What do you think of you? Guilt trips are expensive trips to go on whether we pack our bags or other(s) pack for us yet sadly we humans often pack our own bags or another or others do for us.  

Lots of Dr. Phil quotes help me like:  "Life isn't cured it is managed."  Someone here quoted their mother saying "one day, one tear, one smile at a time" we manage.  "You are never alone if you are there for you."  I add:  BE THERE.  

Your daughter is part of you and your husband so ideally everyone won't insult you or him in front of her.  Yet as you've learned life isn't ideal.  

The "Serenity Prayer" is very wise.  You cannot change others who are likely not only critical of you and are critical of others as well.  It hurts.  I think it is getting to where most all of us have had unkind things said about us on social media.  It seems like everyone sees yet unless goes viral and even then everyone doesn't and most forget.  Think about all the viral videos and mean things you've seen said of others.  We mostly remember what was said about us and likewise.  So therein is the key to not internalize.  Persons who know people who are critical of you likely know not limited to you and just how person is with lots of people.  

Looks like you planned very well to have a stable home and life got in the way.  Life these days there is an epidemic of substance abuse.  

Self Matters notebooks can be healing.  Begin a Self Matters notebook with your daughter and title Selp Matters Includes and both of you sign your names.  Title each daily page Self Matters Includes and autograph like you are autographing your life.  You can do a personal one too.  ONLY put compliments about each other and your goals and positive affirmations.  

If you want to you can add your husband's name and in his memory only put your positive memories of him in there before his substance abuse for that's who he truly was.  He just got lost and couldn't find his way back as sadly many do.  I believe that we can get drunk on sadness too sipping on sadness to the point it becomes habit.  Life is mostly habit and we all have to practice, practice, practice thinking positive.  Another Dr. Phil quote:  "You are the one who talks to you all day every day.  Characterize messages you send yourself with a rational optimism."

Therapy and sometimes medication can help.  For those that medication doesn't work on sometimes exercise as simple as walking can help.  Is there any place you and your daughter could go for walks?  Shallow breathing has been linked to anxiety, depression etc. and exercise can oxygenate the brain and is a natural mood elevator.  Of course, losing a loved one is depressing as is being in stressful situation.  I can understand due to your husband's addiction that you and/or your daughter may be reluctant to take medication.  Too, if don't need it no need to take.  Sometimes it is normal to be sad just so we don't become lost there.  Your coming here was reaching out.  

Learning to equalize breathing can help too: calmly breathe in and out to count of three each way or a calming mantra like "Fear Not as breathe in and Have Faith as breathe out."  Dr. Phil also suggests to count of 7, too, and his son to the count of five each way to equalize your breathing.  Keeping a healthy diet and sleep schedule, along with thought diet, is important to feel in sync for us all, too.

I've learned over the years that often the only reason we don't see how things could possible work out is only since hasn't worked out yet though will.  Believing is seeing.  I truly believe that.  Believe in you.  Believe in your daughter.  That's what matters.  You were proactive to come here and that proactiveness will see you through.  "You are never alone if you are there for you."  BE THERE like you were coming here.  Eleanor Roosevelt  "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  Don't consent.
Replied By: yesyoucan on May 16, 2016, 12:21AM - In reply to terrenceb30
I'm so sorry for you and your wife's losses.  Grief counseling and Joel Osteen helped me to heal when I was entombed in grief.  Funeral Homes and Social Workers at hospitals often know about grief counseling groups that are often free or as little as fifty cents to attend.  Many grief counseling groups are at churches that allow the free use of their church for grief counseling groups to meet. The one I went to was. 

Dr. Phil suggests this link: 
Replied By: mindsthunder on May 6, 2016, 3:28PM - In reply to terrenceb30
DEPRESSION can only be a natural occurance, a lowest energy state to rest while the body's neurotransmitters rebalance. I prefer Nature's lowest energy state. Go with Nature's flow and see what happens--don't fight it.
Replied By: tiffebs on May 1, 2016, 11:36PM
My husband and I were together 20 years, married for 17 in 2015.  His behavior had changed dramatically starting around 2013-2014.  There were some underlying issues in our marriage but not necessarily ones that were "deal breakers."  We have three children.  In addition to his erratic behavior and those underlying issues, I came to the conclusion that I could no longer remain in the marriage.  Our intimacy was the last remaining thing to "go."  I saw nothing that I was getting out of the marriage.  Once I made my decision (but had not yet moved out), I discovered he was abusing opiates.  I summize now that he had been abusing them for some time, however, he moved onto heroin by the time of my discovery.  This was hands down an absolute NO in my book (ironically, I'm a detox nurse!).  I knew with his personality he would not be successful in overcoming this addiction.  Opiates get a hold on someone like no other drug.  I thought all (or most of it) of my love for him was gone when I left.  His actions remained bothersome and I was continually angry with what he was doing/not doing (as far as the children were concerned).  I offered more than once to get him help but he declined.  He did seek out some help on his own and was sober for approximately 5-6 weeks.  At the end of Jan, 2016, he relapsed which resulted in his death.  Now I'm left with this gaping hole in my family.  I thought I was "ready" to be on my own and to deal with my "new" life but since his death, I know this isn't so.  There was far too much transition in a short period of time.  Add to this my oldest daughter has depression.  She recently attempted suicide and had to be hospitalized.  Meanwhile his family thinks I am the devil incarnate.  Because we were separated at the time of his death, they felt I had no rights, morally or otherwise, to attend to his final affairs.  His family became estranged to me right at the time of our separation.  His mother really wanted me to stay with him and help him through his "problem."  Never once considering the toll it had taken on me and our children.  I've never truly had a great relationship with his family from the beginning.  Since he was no longer there to mediate, I didn't care what they thought.  His mother has somewhat regularly posted on social media how terrible I am and has also shared this info with my kids!  She does not believe I am grieving.  She simply believes I am a monster.  I did start seeing someone right after I left the home, I was lonely and had been neglected for a long time.  I needed to see how much I could do and how much I was through with the marriage.  Plus, my husband lied and told his family some awful things about me.  I'm trying to get through all of this.  It is incredibly difficult to be a single mom.  We were together for so long....I struggle every day with this reality.  I got married before kids so that I could have an intact family.  I understand things happen but truly, it's not been an easy pill to swallow.  I do miss him.  I miss the man I HAD.  Not the addict I left towards the end of 2015.  Opiates changes a person, it changes them in so many ways.  I miss my family.  We had his birthday and my daughter's birthday shortly after his passing.  Our 18th anniversary was also the same week.  This was not easy for any of us.  I celebrated with the kids, as it should have been.  I wish his family's opinion had no bearing on me but unfortunately it does.  My mind says move on, there are no do-overs.  My heart says not yet.  I'm not ready.  I just don't know how to get rid of this pain, anger, emptiness.
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