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Depression and Grief

 

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Are you overwhelmed with dark feelings of despair? Have you suffered a loss and are having a difficult time coping? If you or someone you love is suffering from depression or is grief-stricken, you know it can be a struggle, but you don’t need to suffer in silence. Share your story here.

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Comments
Replied By: juliettea on May 23, 2015, 11:26PM - In reply to suicideabuse
I too lost a mother to suicide - that I know had some issues with being mentally ill...I feel compassion for you because I do know that my mom loved me - but she was a diabetic who didn't take care of herself - so she often took too much insulin for the 'high' of having an insullin reaction (drug abuse, but very 'legal' and hard to fit into a category.  Because I am an only child I was largely responsible for helping to care for her as she was so inept at doing so for herself.  Once she died, although I was terribly disturbed about it - I felt tremendous relief and then sadness because I felt such relief.  She exhausted me.  She was drama on steroids.  I think it is a HUGE gift that you are refelctive enough to know what you feel about it and that you are so clear about what the relationship really was.  People cannot give you what they don't have - and it sounds like your Mom was too much of a mess to mother you.  Dr. Phil has said that 'mother' is a verb too and it sounds like she did not treat it as a responbisilbility - but that you in fact did more parenting of your 'child'/mother, as I often did.  Dr. Phil also says that sometimes you have to give yourself what you wish someone else would.  I DON"T think you should feel guilty at all, but since the relationship was largely abusive, it would be worse to continue to abuse yourself because of this history. LET IT GO - the pain sounds like it stemmed from her and she is gone.  Your letter actually helped me a lot as I read it as a lot of your point resonated with me....so I thank you for your honestly, clarity...and insight.  That is valuable - not the pain.  Let it go...and as Dr. Phil would say, the past is over, the future hasn't happened yet...the only time is now.  Let go now and the greatest honor your could give her is to let go of the pain and move on.
 
Replied By: juliettea on May 23, 2015, 11:26PM - In reply to suicideabuse
I too lost a mother to suicide - that I know had some issues with being mentally ill...I feel compassion for you because I do know that my mom loved me - but she was a diabetic who didn't take care of herself - so she often took too much insulin for the 'high' of having an insullin reaction (drug abuse, but very 'legal' and hard to fit into a category.  Because I am an only child I was largely responsible for helping to care for her as she was so inept at doing so for herself.  Once she died, although I was terribly disturbed about it - I felt tremendous relief and then sadness because I felt such relief.  She exhausted me.  She was drama on steroids.  I think it is a HUGE gift that you are refelctive enough to know what you feel about it and that you are so clear about what the relationship really was.  People cannot give you what they don't have - and it sounds like your Mom was too much of a mess to mother you.  Dr. Phil has said that 'mother' is a verb too and it sounds like she did not treat it as a responbisilbility - but that you in fact did more parenting of your 'child'/mother, as I often did.  Dr. Phil also says that sometimes you have to give yourself what you wish someone else would.  I DON"T think you should feel guilty at all, but since the relationship was largely abusive, it would be worse to continue to abuse yourself because of this history. LET IT GO - the pain sounds like it stemmed from her and she is gone.  Your letter actually helped me a lot as I read it as a lot of your point resonated with me....so I thank you for your honestly, clarity...and insight.  That is valuable - not the pain.  Let it go...and as Dr. Phil would say, the past is over, the future hasn't happened yet...the only time is now.  Let go now and the greatest honor your could give her is to let go of the pain and move on.
 
Replied By: pendicup on May 22, 2015, 8:36PM
Dr Phil, I'm  behind and am just watching the Rebecca Ann show where the woman is stalking the family whose twelve year old daughter commited suicide. I cannot tell you how much this saddens and infuriates me.  I have been through two suicides. My Stepdad(who I loved like a father) commited suicide when I was eighteen. I can't even, to this day, express the pain I felt. It took me over ten years to come to terms with and eventually I had intense long term  therapy. In 2013, my worst nightmare came true when my boyfriend commited suicide and I found the body.. He had intentionally commited suicide in my house so I would find him. Ii loved him but could no longer be with him.  I hoped he would get help. Instead, he made me responsible for his death. I almost didn't survive it. The PTSD and depression made me not want to go on anymore.  After almost two years of fighting and intense therapy, I am finally getting better.. The point of my story is that suicide is truly one of the most excruciatingly painful things you can go through. You cannot know the intense , overwhelming emotions  one feels until you go through it. It's like nothing else. The fact that this wound is doing this is criminal. To add to that pain and to theow out allegations is one of the sickest things you can do to a grieving person.  I think she deserves strict prosecution. It just makes me sick. 

 
Replied By: tinyavenger on May 18, 2015, 3:33PM
Dear friends have been trying to help their 33 yr old daughter with drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and now bipolar disorder.  For the past several years, they are now letting her just live in a room in their house and require nothing from her.  She stays in the room all day except to eat and smoke.  Are my friends helping their daughter at this point?  Is it now enabling?  She does not contribute in any way to the household such as chores, etc.  It is KILLING me to watch my friends feel hopeless and see, what use to be a vibrant, active, young lady, waste her life.  Any advice?
 
Replied By: snappedninja on May 13, 2015, 10:01AM
Four years ago this september, I lost my best friend to suicide. I have found it hard to cope at times because the last time I spoke to her we had been arguing. The argument seems pointless now.. Her last words still ring in my ears.. "goodnight, I love you.. I'm sorry". Me being the Stubborn person I can be sometimes, was too angry to reply. Since then I have had a hard time making and maintaining friendships.. The few friends that have stayed with me through this are very understanding and help the best they can when I need to talk about it or am having a bad day. There are still nights I worry who I'm going to speak to for the last time..
 
Replied By: suicideabuse on May 12, 2015, 9:32AM
My issue is that I am a  48 year old female.  On April 18th 2013 my mother committed suicide, she shot herself in the head with a 22 caliber gun. I am having very difficult time dealing with this issue. It is not just her suicide that makes this difficult.  All of my life my mother was very neglectful,  verbally and emotionally abusive. She was also a drug addict. Given this history I was close to her anyway untill I was around 30 when i realized that everytime I spoke to her I felt emotionally exausted and depressed. The only way I knew how to deal with her was to separate myself from her. Unfortunately  we were estranged for about 6 years prior to her suicide.  She actually ended our communication by telling me I was no longer her daughter, but at the time I felt relieved because I was so tired of all of the drama and guilt she tried to put on me.  I am an only child.  I did not want to enable her and felt that the separation was best for both of us.  She talked about suicide off and on throughout my life so I can't even say I was shocked by her decision.  Although I still did not expect it.  Once years before her suicide she did some type of drug (i believe it was heroin) and she started turning blue so I called 911 and the medics resuscitated her.  Her immediate reaction  upon regaining consciousness was to yell at ME and blame me for bringing her back.  She did not want to live so she blamed me for saving her life. There are more stories but I am not trying to paint a bad picture of my mother and as much as it may not seem like it in my letter I do not want to show any disrespect towards her.  I just don't know what to do now.  I have so much resentment and anger and I just can't honor her death. My brain knows that this is not my fault but my heart feels so betrayed I can't even grieve her death because I can't find any meaning behind it.  I can't even say that I miss her even though I know I am supposed to,  I love my mother out of duty but it scares me how relieved I sometimes felt before and after her death in some twisted way.  Of course I wish that she would have had a happy life and I wish that she hadn't given her life away to drugs and men but "Wishes are not real"  my feelings on this issue are too long to describe.  I don't want drama or attention, words don't seem to make this any better.  I don't want to continue to feel like I can't honor her.  It is very hard because people generally don't understand what kind of monster does not miss her dead mother.  I am aware that people feel resentment and anger in the grieving process. I just don't think the way I feel is normal.  It is almost as if I have some of her illness (and I probably do) part of the problem is that I sometimes feel suicidal myself so rather than be horrified by what she did I actually understand why she did it. I feel that separating from her was the only thing that saved my sanity and enabled me to be a more positive and responsible person.  up and until she actually killed herself.  What am I supposed to do with her legacy?  I don't even have the feeling that she would want me to be happy and move on because she didn't want me to be happy when she was aliveI.  I feel so much shame and depression over this and the circumstances just don't seem to fit in any regular course of therapy or grief counseling.  I just can't tell anyone how I feel because I am ashamed I was not and am not strong enough to cope with this on top of my other problems.  I watch your show looking for an answer but I have never seen this particular topic... how to grieve for someone who really didn't treat you well , how to not feel guilty when you lose a parent that acted more like your child than a parent.  What do you do with bad feelings toward someone who is gone? It seems like most people only remember the best about someone they have lost when my heart  only remembers the hurt.  I want to be positive, I want to love and miss her, I want to grieve . I want to take something of value from this tragedy but I just feel too broken. Please help me. These feeling are constant and even haunt my dreams.  Most people would love one more day with a lost loved one but I think if I had one more day with her she would just abuse me. My brain knows that she was mentally ill  and should be forgiven but that just doesnt change the fact that the most important role model in a girls life is her mother and mine was not a good one.  My brain forgives her but my heart and soul are in agony.  I have no way to mourn this loss. how can I cellibrate her life when she didn't appreciated it and made sure I knew it.?, how can I honor her with flowers on her grave when it doesnt feel genuine?  How do I move on thinking that she would want the best for me when she really didn't ? I loved her but she did not love me that is all i think about.  Has anyone else lost an abusive loved one? Please help me.
 
Replied By: ashlymills on May 11, 2015, 1:29PM
Hey yall,


My name is ashly. I have OCD which means I am naturally an anxious person, but I also have a son with a behavioral/ emotional problem that so far no one knows how to help.


Life with him home is a constant, edge of your seat kind of feeling. Waiting to see what sets him off,  how he will react when it happens,  what damage he has done to himself or someone else, or what lie he has told and who will believe it this time.  I live in a small small area, where help and resources are limited.  We went to social services asking them for help, only for them to tell us they don't have those types of services,  Go to the E.R., which we did.  The next week we found out a "report" was filed on us because we did ask for help.


His school ignored us pointed fingers or lied, including to social services and us.  I am the mom, it is my job to fight for my kids, to find them and us help, but what do you do when everyone says, "i don't know."  So many people are involved now with their main focus on judging us, not actually finding/getting real help.  It's hard to not lose hope, it's hard to not feel beaten, and the very moment we act hopeless, people use it against us instead of offering HELP.


I am.usually a very positive person, but sometimes it feels like everyone around us is standing by with their hammers to break our half full glass EVERY chance they get.
 
Replied By: fishywishy on May 10, 2015, 5:20PM
I have been suffering from greif, depression and anxiety. I've also been suffering health problems and a lot of pain. I've never done any chats, boards, support and i have to admit I'm kinda lost with how it all works. Any info, help, suggestions and encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

 
Replied By: therese1 on May 10, 2015, 2:49AM - In reply to therese1
Ok i see that i finally did something right :) I suffer from PTSD...I need help in the worse way, I feel all alone i just don't know what to do anymore? I want off all my medications, because frankly i think they are making me more depressed..I am at the point that i don't even like to leave my own room.. Everything scares me, my mind races like there is no tomorrow..

I just want the world to stop for a little bit, just so i can breathe again..I have had so many tragedies that i seriously can not take one more.I will go down with them :'(
 
Replied By: therese1 on May 10, 2015, 2:42AM
Hello there...

I am new to this and i am hoping that i do this right, so right now i am just testing it!!
 
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