Depression and Grief

 

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Are you overwhelmed with dark feelings of despair? Have you suffered a loss and are having a difficult time coping? If you or someone you love is suffering from depression or is grief-stricken, you know it can be a struggle, but you don’t need to suffer in silence. Share your story here.

If you need immediate assistance, please call your local emergency number or crisis hotline listed in your local phone book's government pages.

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Comments
Replied By: tiffebs on May 1, 2016, 11:36PM
My husband and I were together 20 years, married for 17 in 2015.  His behavior had changed dramatically starting around 2013-2014.  There were some underlying issues in our marriage but not necessarily ones that were "deal breakers."  We have three children.  In addition to his erratic behavior and those underlying issues, I came to the conclusion that I could no longer remain in the marriage.  Our intimacy was the last remaining thing to "go."  I saw nothing that I was getting out of the marriage.  Once I made my decision (but had not yet moved out), I discovered he was abusing opiates.  I summize now that he had been abusing them for some time, however, he moved onto heroin by the time of my discovery.  This was hands down an absolute NO in my book (ironically, I'm a detox nurse!).  I knew with his personality he would not be successful in overcoming this addiction.  Opiates get a hold on someone like no other drug.  I thought all (or most of it) of my love for him was gone when I left.  His actions remained bothersome and I was continually angry with what he was doing/not doing (as far as the children were concerned).  I offered more than once to get him help but he declined.  He did seek out some help on his own and was sober for approximately 5-6 weeks.  At the end of Jan, 2016, he relapsed which resulted in his death.  Now I'm left with this gaping hole in my family.  I thought I was "ready" to be on my own and to deal with my "new" life but since his death, I know this isn't so.  There was far too much transition in a short period of time.  Add to this my oldest daughter has depression.  She recently attempted suicide and had to be hospitalized.  Meanwhile his family thinks I am the devil incarnate.  Because we were separated at the time of his death, they felt I had no rights, morally or otherwise, to attend to his final affairs.  His family became estranged to me right at the time of our separation.  His mother really wanted me to stay with him and help him through his "problem."  Never once considering the toll it had taken on me and our children.  I've never truly had a great relationship with his family from the beginning.  Since he was no longer there to mediate, I didn't care what they thought.  His mother has somewhat regularly posted on social media how terrible I am and has also shared this info with my kids!  She does not believe I am grieving.  She simply believes I am a monster.  I did start seeing someone right after I left the home, I was lonely and had been neglected for a long time.  I needed to see how much I could do and how much I was through with the marriage.  Plus, my husband lied and told his family some awful things about me.  I'm trying to get through all of this.  It is incredibly difficult to be a single mom.  We were together for so long....I struggle every day with this reality.  I got married before kids so that I could have an intact family.  I understand things happen but truly, it's not been an easy pill to swallow.  I do miss him.  I miss the man I HAD.  Not the addict I left towards the end of 2015.  Opiates changes a person, it changes them in so many ways.  I miss my family.  We had his birthday and my daughter's birthday shortly after his passing.  Our 18th anniversary was also the same week.  This was not easy for any of us.  I celebrated with the kids, as it should have been.  I wish his family's opinion had no bearing on me but unfortunately it does.  My mind says move on, there are no do-overs.  My heart says not yet.  I'm not ready.  I just don't know how to get rid of this pain, anger, emptiness.
 
Replied By: terrenceb30 on May 1, 2016, 7:57AM
I need help. My wife and I have both lost children from previous relationships and now we àre constantly at odds with each other over anything. I know this is not healthy but we do love each other and are seeking assistance in finding the help we need to out our lived back together. She suffered her loss four years ago, and I just lost my son this past February. I am numb still and have lost any feelings that I have for anyone and most everything. This cant be normal. Please help us, especially me. 






Submiited by Hole in my Soul
 
Replied By: gotohell on Mar 19, 2016, 9:16PM - In reply to diverwoman
You are  so CUTE!
 
Replied By: gotohell on Mar 19, 2016, 9:16PM - In reply to diverwoman
You are  so CUTE!
 
Replied By: yesyoucan on Mar 15, 2016, 6:16PM - In reply to drewbaby
I agree your coming here was positive since proactive.  Like many things important we often have to shop around to find the perfect fit.  Even something simple as shoes.  More than a couple of times I fell for "they'll fit better after stretch out" and didn't.  Yet I didn't give up on shoes.  So it IS important to recognize when something doesn't feel right and shop around as you are on something as important as feeling better.  

Dr. Phil suggests this link in his video message to us:  

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/dealing-with-depression.htm  

Dr. Phil is a CBT therapist (cognitive behavior therapy).  Life is mostly habit and to a degree we can get into the habit of hitting replay of painful memories or everything that isn't going right and may never be right. It isn't easy to learn to play piano and takes practice, practice, practice and the same is true with climbing out of depression one more positive thought or postive action at a time.  Most times the only reason we don't see how things could possibly work out or get better doesn't mean won't whatsoever and only hasn't yet.  

Were you speaking of being paralyzed figuratively or literally?  A study done at Cooper Institute in Dallas, discovered that exercise, i.e., walking, can oxygenate brain and thereby elevate mood.  Ironic isn't it that often people feeling down say they feel like the wind has been taken out of their sails.  Dr. Phil suggests equalizing breathing to calm self breathing in to count of 3 then out to same count. At night you can increase to 7 to 10 each way.  You can exchange too positive mantra's that are equal in breath length each way, e.g., think HAVE FAITH as breathe in and FEAR NOT as breathe out.  

Too, keeping regular healthy eating and sleeping habits.  If you don't keep a schedule sometimes your body and mind have no clue what you are going to do next and pretty soon neither does individual.  Psychology is the study of individuals so you are wise to be proactive until you find what works best for you.  Few things are one size fits all... including what works best FOR YOU to feel better.  Believing is seeing so believe you will find works for you to feel better... believe in you.

Too, a SELF MATTERS notebook writing 10 or more positive things about yourself that you've done or would like to do or positive affirmations.  Title notebook and each page:  SELF MATTERS INCLUDES then sign your name like you are autographing and taking control of your life.  Like Dr. Phil says, it is time to hop out of the passenger seat of your life and back into the driver seat to get out of rut.  It is like if you play an LP and it gets stuck since the album is scratched you have to get up and go over and move forward.  It's the same way with thoughts.  You have to be proactive and move forward as you were coming here.
 
Replied By: yesyoucan on Mar 15, 2016, 5:48PM - In reply to elimay93
I'm certain that was hard not being there when your dad passed.  Periodically, I think of ways things could have been better with final good-bye with my parents and grandmother and even pets.  Things I could have done to make passing easier for them and I guess me too knowing I'd done.  Errors and ommissions of 20/20 hindsight of more I could have done to validate and appreciate loved ones when alive too.  Even though normal, the grief of lost loved ones of mine does play my heart strings like a harp even occasionally years later.

Realized being entombed in grief didn't bring back so most days now I strive to celebrate their memories and most days succeed.  It is like another member here said, "one day, one tear, one smile at a time" healing process.  Helps me too to realize, geneitcally speaking, all my dearly departed family are still with me from each strand of hair on my head to my tippy toes.  Forever in my memories and in my heart.  I think your idea to buy your dad's truck a wonderful way to celebrate your dad's memory.  He probably has a big smile about up in heaven as he watches over you.  Yet oh what a price we pay for our guardian angels.

How many times have you been fishing since you got truck?  What is your fave fish to eat?  I like bass and crappie in fresh water and red snapper and sea bass in salt water.  Sometimes I look online at a free ad website for the cars my dad had to see if pop up.  Also, 1957 Ford Station Wagon mother drove when we were in grade school.  

So sorry for delay replying. Been a bit under the weather. I was thinking I got lucky not getting cold when zap. LOL.  I swear every time I'm thinking about how good I've been feeling it somehow jinxes it.  Coincidence I suppose. It is a beautiful day on the farm today.  Hope you are wearing a smile if you return and read this.  Share what you've been up to...  yesyoucan aka SEA
 
Replied By: elimay93 on Mar 5, 2016, 1:28PM - In reply to yesyoucan
I understand how your feeling. I lost my mom in Dec.2014, then my dad in Jan.2015. They died 6 weeks apart. I have accepted my moms death, because she had inoperable cancer. We placed her in Hospice, and I got there to see her the day before she died. They lived 6 hours away from me. What I can't accept is my dads death. My sister put him in the hospital 4 weeks after moms funeral, with COPD and recovering from pneumonia. He died 2 weeks later, at 4AM in the morning. I didn't get to see or talk to him before he died. I still get teary-eyed just thinking about him. I am one of 3 kids, so after we settled their estate, I bought dads truck. I couldn't imagine anyone else driving it. I told my dad that I'd make it my "fishin" truck. I grew up a tomboy, and fishing was 2nd nature to me. I also got certified as a PADI scuba diver. I started drinking, and vodka seems to be my only friend right now. It has been a year, and hasn't gotten ANY easier. Maybe it would help both of us to chat....if so, drop me a line.      {elimay93 or Leroy Jr.}


 
Replied By: drewbaby on Feb 29, 2016, 4:20AM
I'm not reallly sure why I'm even posting in here. I guess this is where you end up when it's 2am and you can't sleep because the second you lay down you feel your chest burning like it's going to explode...

So, onto my topic... I am living paralyzed and don't know what to do. Every day begins with wishing I never woke up and ends with being terrified that I'm going to die in my sleep. And the middle part is in itself its own torture.

I have been struggling with significant mental health issues for over a decade since leaving the service in 2003. They've been significant, but I've managed. Never got better though, no matter the medication or therapy - nothing seemed to work. After my last attempt with medication reacted poorly and put me in inpatient, I stopped trying. I simply cannot take that kind of risk again, and with poor results from 7+ different meds, i simply don't see the risk paying off.

That happened a few years ago, and while I was able to exost (keep my head above water) now I feel I'm finally slipping under. I've started meeting with a counselor, but I already feel this is pointless. 

As I've mentioned, I literally start my day feeling like I shouldn't have woke up. I end up trying to fall asleep feeling that I'm going to die if I fall sleep. Nights like tonight (it's 2:30am as I write) it's so bad my chest feels like it's on fire and is going to jump out of my checst any second now. Even as I write I think I'm calming down yet the pain is so unbearable it only fuels the negative thoughts. And boy do I have them. 

I guess my second point in doing all this is to try to find out about options and ways to move forward and get ACTUAL, viable  treatment without destroying my family or the life we've built. Having been through outpatient counseling for over a decade, i know it won't be enough. I can't see to find inpatient facilities that cater to my issues. If I was an addict or had PTSD I'd be fine, but apparently MDD is not worthy of inpatient treatment. I tried looking for options in the Pacific Northwest, but they are few and far between. Maybe this was all for naught. then again, maybe simply reaching out is the best first step...?
 
Replied By: yesyoucan on Feb 20, 2016, 3:10PM - In reply to demonchaser68
I'd been hoping all is well with you too.  What have you been up to?  Bright yellow daffodils are blooming across countryside now.  Nice that every time go on errands it is a country drive... relaxingly beautiful.  We have at least 100 Daffodils blooming on farm and maybe more.  Bloom along roadside too.  Daffodils just pop up on own in February through first week or so in March.  Always admired Daffodil bouquets at grocery store yet never indulged buying so like a gift from God, now.  

Usually, something blooming most the year here except for last year when cloudy/rainy for five months straight. Daffodils bloom first, then azaleas, then wisteria, then Iris, then lillies, roses... and even more...  Well need to head out to work in pasture where horses are.  

Wishing you, Melissa, and all a blessed every moment so keep your eyes open so don't miss a single blessing prayed y'all's ways.  Truly, believing is seeing.  So much better to see blessings in real time than in 20/20 hindsight.  Too often we leave out main ingredient when praying BELIEVING prayers will be answered.  Or, at least I missed lots of blessings that later I'll be like, "How'd I miss that."  I was so busy praying not fully believing didn't look up long enough to see answered prayer opportunities.  Believing  will be answered is seeing opportunities to be answered.  What do you think?
 
Replied By: yesyoucan on Feb 20, 2016, 2:57PM - In reply to sunflower44
Hi Karen.  Be sure to click on BE ON THE SHOW above and/or CONTACT DR. PHIL boxes above in menu bar to copy/paste what you wrote here to send to Dr. Phil.  Sometimes, persons on message boards contacted too yet "huffing" IS such an important message that you may want to cover all your bases and every avenue.  Too, check out The Doctors TV Show www.thedoctorstv.com/be-on-the-show that Dr. Phil and his oldest son are both Executive Producers on.  So sorry about the loss of your 25 year old daughter.  I can tell that you are still hurting and very moving how you are  directing your grief into a positive direction, in memory of your daughter, to bring awareness to "huffing."
 
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