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Depression and Grief


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Are you overwhelmed with dark feelings of despair? Have you suffered a loss and are having a difficult time coping? If you or someone you love is suffering from depression or is grief-stricken, you know it can be a struggle, but you don’t need to suffer in silence. Share your story here.

If you need immediate assistance, please call your local emergency number or crisis hotline listed in your local phone book's government pages.

Click here for General and Mental Health Resources.
Replied By: ruggedman on Mar 24, 2015, 11:43AM
Dr. Phil does a very good job of taking on the issue of grief that makes sense. Except, he has missed a crucial connection: grief is not logical, it is emotional.

Emotion is not connected to logic; in fact they may be light-years apart.

My heart would not believe my brain. So, to try to get emotional comfort, I went to church to visit with the girl of my dreams (she is in His house) and talked with her and prayed and cried a lot. I put my entire being in the hands of Jesus. I told him I cannot handle my pain alone as it is too great and asked for His help. I am now in His hands and at his mercy.

I followed this up with several prayers to Saint Anthony, (Saint of miracles; Saint of help).

Is there anything else I can or should do? Is there a unique way to rethink my attitude on her death?

Replied By: yesyoucan on Feb 25, 2015, 2:17PM - In reply to macrane0603
I hope it gets better soon, too.  That's my prayer too...  One of my fave quotes of Dr. Phil's that I can relate to is, "You are never alone if you are there for you."  I always add, Be There.  You reaching out here shows you are there for you so I have confidence that if YOU keep being there for you... things WILL get better.  Believing is seeing...
Replied By: macrane0603 on Feb 21, 2015, 9:34PM - In reply to yesyoucan
Thank you ever so kindly for those resources and I will look into them.  It's just been very hard and I'm glad someone finally gets it.  I hope it gets better soon.
Replied By: yesyoucan on Feb 19, 2015, 11:33PM - In reply to macrane0603
So sorry for all you've been through.  I can see in your words that you are feeling overwhelmed.  Dr. Phil's son began Doctor on Demand where you can speak with a doctor 24/7 online should you feel the need.  You can find if you Google Doctor on Demand.  Then, too, if you click "General and Mental Health Resources" above top comment above here there are LOTS of resources there too.  Talking about here can help sometimes too...  If you keep reaching out as you did coming here you will find the help that helps so don't give up.  It is okay to ask for help. 

First link below is a link Dr. Phil has recommended to all of us here in a video message to us all.  

Second link has some emails and looks pretty current and was on the news in my community.  The ladies who give their email addresses there may know of some resources, too.  

The third link is a link to Dr. Phil's advice on Postpartum Depression.  

Not sure if anything I said will help yet I sure hope does.  I wanted you to know that someone heard and that I'm praying for you.  That's quite a wonderful accomplishment to get a degree in accounting.  Good for you!  My mother was an accountant for many years in the insurance industry for Aetna, Cigna and Fireman's Fund and really enjoyed. 

Late and need to turn in so I don't keep my husband up typing on computer.  Take care of yourself.  

Replied By: macrane0603 on Feb 18, 2015, 11:15AM
Hello all,

I've been suffering from postpartum depression for over a year now.  I'm currently taking Prozac an Klonopin for the postpartum and for OCPD I was diagnoised with back in September 2014.  I'm not sure what to do at this point in my life or what avenue to turn to.  

To begin when my husband and I got married in June 2011 we had a lot of transitioning we went through. I graduated college, married my husband, we both lost our jobs, we both found new jobs, both our cars died and we needed a new one, we found out the day after X-Mas 2011 I was pregnant and lost the baby January 2012.  Went through a 2 year struggle of not getting pregnant and suffering from the weight gain and depression from that.

In the last year its been extremely stressful.  Long story short for 2013 to 2014:

Found out pregnant in July 2013.
Put on medical leave from working August of 2013.
Entire pregnancy was high risk and water broke in December 2013.
Baby was due March 2014.
Baby born 9 weeks early January 2014
I had two teeth removed and two drilled in February 2014. 
We got a new car February 2014
Moved March 2014
Husband changed jobs April 2014
Found out my husband has diabetes April 2014
I had my gallbladder removed May 2014
Found a house to buy in early June 2014
Father in law that lived with us was given 6 to 8 months to live with progressed dementia
Husband lost his job June 2014
Husband got new job July 2014
Got on anti depressants and a sedative on my birthday in September 2014.
Signed on house September 2014
Moved to new house October 2014
Father in law died a week later October 2014
My uncle passed on December 2014.

Things have calmed down a bit since, but now the intimacy between my husband and I has been strained.  He wants sex all the time and I don't want it at all.  I recently fell down the stair with the baby about a month ago.  The baby wasn't hurt at all and I took the entire fall.  I had a 12 bruise on my rear end and since then I haven't been able to stand, walk, or do anything for more than 30 to 45 minutes at a time because my tailbone and back hurt so much.  It's getting to be extremely frustrating.  I barely eat once a day, I'm tired all the time, I care for our child all day everyday while he works 5 to 6 days a week.  I appreciate him working and supporting our family.  I wish I could find work.  I've been on many interviews and have had no luck in my job search.  I have my degree in accounting and almost my masters.  I've taken a break from school because I just can't handle it anymore.  I'm burnt out with life.  I can barely stand to hear my child fuss, whine, and cry anymore.  I feel selfish for feeling this way.  I'm also lucky to shower every 5 to 7 days.  I cook, clean, do laundry, organize, child care, and have to be a loving wife and mother.  I feel that I'm failing at all of it anymore.  I let the house go sometimes for too long for me anyway, others would think I'm crazy.  I'm obsessed with cleaning and keeping the house a certain way.  I've gotten to a point I just don't care anymore.  Most days I just want to get through the day and get to bed and pray I can get through the next day without any issues.  I don't get out of the house much and have no desire to be around people.  I've taught myself how to crochet and knit recently and work on projects constantly to get my mind off of things, but that rarely works.  

I'm fed up with life and living.  It's selfish and my husband and child don't deserve a mother and wife like that.  I want to feel better, but I'm also to a point where I'm beaten down and weighted down and just don't want to fight life anymore.

I need help, but not sure what to do or turn to.  I know there are doctors and more pills and therapy, but I've done all of that and nothing is working at this point.  I'm just done.
Replied By: yesyoucan on Feb 15, 2015, 10:17AM - In reply to scarlett99
Scarlet, I hope things are going better for you.  Something that helps me to point my thoughts in a positive direction is watching Joel Osteen as I did this a.m.  What helps you?  I can SO relate with not having the dollars to buy the healthier foods although I haven't read Dr. Phil's book 20/20 yet.  I do have his Ultimate Weight Loss Solution book.  

When I took the Dr. Phil quiz to see my obstacle in weight loss it was commitment.  Whereas I cannot afford all the healthier items, especially fish (which I love)...  I CAN give up seconds and thirds and exercise more.  I have resumed exercising while watching Dr. Phil's son, Jay's show, The Doctors.  Although, exercising watching Dr. Phil and my other fave shows will work too... 

When we moved I sold my heavy exercise equipment and kept putting off exercising watching The Doctors, as I had, until I replaced after moved.  Then, a year later, I realized I could use my ballet exercises I learned in my youth.  So, I got out a chair and now (for past four months) I  do ballet type exercises watching the doctors.  Dr. Phil talking about his new book, 20/20, did remind me I needed to "commit" to hopping back into the driver seat of my life (for life) and utilize what IS available to me to lead a healtheir life.

Did you know that just sucking in your stomach is exercise equivalent to sit ups without the strain on your neck?  I suck in my abdomen every day, ten or more times, and have seen my stomach firming up and my back pain is going away as often will when strengthen abdominal muscles.  Also, got out of my exercising habit since in country our DISH didn't pick up The Doctors on channel 21 until this year.  Not sure why yet SO HAPPY can get The Doctors channel 21, now!!!  YAY! 

That's no excuse though because I could have exercised watching Dr. Phil.  It is easy if things aren't perfect to throw in the towel and even a trend now.  However, Dr. Phil says "life isn't cured it is managed." I still don't have exercise equipment I had in Dallas, however, my contingency plan of doing ballet exercises I learned in my youth and going for walks works too.  Like you, I don't have the money to get the best health foods most the diets recommend.  Example:  Nuts like almonds are expensive!  However, I am avoiding eating for entertainment rather than nourishment and I am exercising again.  

I think when you've been through a lot as most of us here have.  It is easy to give up since already feel beaten down.  So I'm reaching a hand out to you to improvise with what you have to make the healthy choices you can with what IS available to you.  Our best is all any of us can do and, you know, that can bring results too.  Trust in yourself and you'll see a way to a healthier you.  The hardest part is committing yet you can.  I did by hopping into the driver seat of my life using what IS available to me and IS in my control.  Wishing you health and happiness always.  Me too.  WE too.  

Your fellow member, yesyoucan aka yyc aka SEA...
Replied By: scarlett99 on Feb 2, 2015, 8:45PM
i am depressed all the time. one thing is i ran out of the dr phil food and i am feeling low because i dont have all the food his book calls for. i have 55lbs to lose which sucks. and i have trouble communicating with my 24 yr old son, he is a know it all. i have trouble letting go of the past. i feel worthless, and no motivation. can you help me? love connie
Replied By: yesyoucan on Jan 29, 2015, 6:42PM - In reply to imkayleesmom
From experience I've learned the hard way that guilt trips are expensive trips to go on or send others on so best to unpack your and everyone's bags.  Your twin siblings will likely always be a unified force since bonds of twins usually very strong.  I understand your feeling teamed up against yet I think it is more twin dynamics than anything.  That doesn't make any easier.  

For so long many talk shows talked about freeing self of toxic relationships yet assertiveness can be a lonely place all for the sake of being right.  I think Dr. Phil often says, "Best to just agree to disagree" and "someone needs to be a hero."  I nominate you to be the hero for you and your family.  Resentment takes a lot of energy leading to everyone reacting in want of a better response.  

It is easy to let the past scribble all over present relationships yet I have learned the hard way lots of time can be lost in camp despair.  Not saying this well yet don't allow your resentment to paint you into a corner.  You asked what helps.  Watching Joel Osteen helps me to rise from the ashes of the past to grasp the beauty of today.  People aren't perfect and never will be... including your twin siblings.  

When my parents passed there were lots of things that gnawed on me that were less than perfect.  So glad finally my thoughts don't drudge up although right now this moment I could fish into my memories to retrieve and share.  I guess time does heal as it wasn't always that way.  It is hard losing someone we love yet it is even sadder if we lose ourself in the sadness of it all.  

Your mom would want you to be happy and not fight old battles for her as it won't bring her back yet will keep you from enjoying your present by not being fully present.  We can't drive a car looking in a rear view mirror and neither can we effectively live our lives always looking back.  Life is like economics:  choice.  Hop out of the passenger seat looking over your shoulder to past resentments no matter how justified they are.  You have a life to live... yours... so hop on over in the driver seat with both eyes on your present and all those dear to you in the here and now.  Sure celebrate and hold onto your best memories with your mom.


Not only is today a gift since the present 

You are a gift 

Being present...  

Be present for you and your family and hold onto the precious moments with your mom that you were blessed to have.  Time is precious and I have learned that I don't want to waste precious moments keeping score for then everyone loses...  That said... vent all you want here.  We all have.  You might benefit from group grief counseling even now.  Some are held in churches and a hospital chaplain may know of one.  

There are stages of grief and even now daggers of less than perfect events can pierce my heart when a less than perfect memory pops up.  Now, though, I try not to roll the reels of haunted memory lane as I've lost WAY too much of my present doing so.  Too, sometimes when sipping on sadness I'd have an expression to match some past event that totally didn't mesh with my present and would have persons wondering what was wrong with me.  I wasn't fully present.  As well, sometimes I held persons chained to the past of who they were instead of who they'd grown into or were now.  Dr. Phil says, "You are never alone if you are there for you."  Be There.
Replied By: yesyoucan on Jan 29, 2015, 6:18PM - In reply to calisimek
So sorry for your loss and grief...  What are some of your special memories of your grandpa?  I enjoyed fishing with mine and I make pies to feel close to my grandmother since a special memory of mine of her.
Replied By: imkayleesmom on Jan 29, 2015, 2:58PM
I lost my mom 6 months ago. She was my best friend! I come from a very disfunctional background. Both parents were alcoholics and my mom was addicted to prescription drugs. I had been taking care of her since I was 12. I had seven half-brothers and sisters. Three sisters have passed. I have a long history of mental illness in my family. Currently I am suffering from depression, anxiety and fibromyalgia. I quit my job 4 1/2 years ago to stay home with my mom to take care of her and to get some relief from the anxiety at my job. Since my mom passed, my depression and anxiety have gotten progressively worse. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful and successful girls. They are always there to support me. I'm lucky in that aspect.

Here's the problem, I am looking for advice regarding my relationship with my siblings who are left. One is a horrible alcoholic that I refuse to have a relationship with. He is my mother's son. He can also be abusive. The other brother from my dad lives on the West Coast and I live in the South. I believe he's also an alcoholic but, he is functional. I talk with him from time to time. He's too far away to have a close relationship with. He is 25 years older than me. The last two living sisters are my twin sisters who are my dads. We are 6 years apart. I am 47. We all grew up together except my oldest two siblings and my mom raised the twins from the age of two. My dad's first wife and my mom's first husband died the same year. Then they got married.

The twins have always treated me as an outsider but claim they love me. They have bullied me for years and even blamed me for my mom's behavior. The twins and my mom had a falling out about my dad and she through them out of the house in their senior year in high school. I'm trying to make this as short as possible without a lot of detail so, to make a long story short, they stopped calling her mom and cut their ties with her. My father was abusive to my mom. I'm not blaming my dad for all of their problems in the marriage but I was always afraid of him. My sisters put my dad on a pedestal and think he was the greatest man ever. I'm a realist, I know my mom and dad were both wrong. After many years in and out of rehab, a doctor diagnosed my mom as bipolar. With the right medication, my mom got much better and became the mom I always wanted! The twins never tried to reconcile with her.

I was was never fond of my dad because he never took responibility for his actions and he was never there for me other than money. My sisters constantly guilted me into spending time with him which was useless because he always made you feel like crap. Nothing was ever good enough for him. I did this for years even though I hated it whole time. They also demanded that I was there in the end to take care of my dad. I didn't want to but I always remembered honor thy mother, honor thy Father. I did what I needed to do.

During my mothers illness, the twins were all over my Facebook giving me support that was public for all to see but offered no other help other than by phone. The never made peace with my mom before she died and I have built resentment towards them. I reached out 3 times to them during my mom's illness for serious help and neither came. After the funeral, they came to my house to bring food and even showed up for the funeral. I think they did that to save face and it literally made me sick!

I've always felt like an outsider. They invited me to things as a family at Christmas and such but ignored me and my family when we showed up. They never included me otherwise. After my mothers death, I have been struggling with my depression and they were constantly interjecting themselves in my life. At Thanksgiving and Christmas they started texting me wanting to know if I was coming. I made an excuse of course then they asked one last time and I replied that the holidays were too emotional for me because my mom wasn't here. I told them about my depression and anxiety and that I couldn't come. I broke down and told my niece I couldn't do it any longer. She talked me into giving them one last opportunity to come and discuss exactly how I felt and they did not come. They wanted only us three to get together and have that conversation. I refused because we've been through this before and they gang up on me until I agree with them. I said no to their invitation because I refuse to be bullied any longer. Now they are trying to build a bond with my daughters. My oldest is getting married in September and they think they can get back in my graces by trying to get through to my kids. I'm tired of drama, I'm tired of the anxiety that it causes me. I physically can't take the pressure from them any longer.

Does anyone have and suggestions as to how I should handle this situation? Anyone else have a similar situation? All advice is welcome!
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