Depression and Grief


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Are you overwhelmed with dark feelings of despair? Have you suffered a loss and are having a difficult time coping? If you or someone you love is suffering from depression or is grief-stricken, you know it can be a struggle, but you don’t need to suffer in silence. Share your story here.

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Replied By: yesyoucan on Jun 24, 2017, 6:40PM - In reply to invisible101
So sorry to hear of your loss.  Writing poetry like below helps me and some have said the poem below has helped them.  We all share here what works for each of us and when you find what works for you and I think you will, I hope you share, too.  We are all inviduals so what works for me or someone else here isn't a guarantee will for you yet each one of us sure hopes will.  One person here said her mother said, "One day, one tear, one smile at a time."  Watching Joel Osteen helped me when mother passed away.  My collie mix helped me too because for the first time he began getting in bed with me when I wsn't getting up at usual time and kept scooting his back as close as he could to mine like, "I'm still here."  I realized it wasn't going to help becoming entombed in grief and that mother nor dad nor grandmother would want me to.  My entire cheering section almost gone.  Dr. Phil is right though that, "You are never alone if you are there for you."  When I felt my most saddest I now see it was when I wasn't there for me.  So I always add to Dr. Phil quote.  BE THERE.


I found a large bag a sadness
While packing for my trip into today
With another larger bag of stress
Weighting down my shoulders heavily

I didn't want to forget my pains
Hurts and disappointments bags
Nor could I leave my regrets I'd packed
In Would've, Could've, Should've bags

While looking in the closets of my life
I saw luggage from lessons failed and passed
Smiles and frowns and grins and strife
Worn while starring actress in my past

Every tear I'd shed inside a bag the color blue
So I could unpack the teardrops whenever I wanted to
An angel came and said, "Let God carry those for you"
Just let go and let God and the rest is up to you

No longer lugging baggage such a relief came over me
No longer unpacking moods that did not fit today
The sky was blue and all the birds were on a singing spree 

No more packing for guilt trips to go on...those ended yesterday 
Replied By: yesyoucan on Jun 24, 2017, 5:54PM - In reply to nightlady
We have known each other a long time since we first met here on Dr. Phil Website many years ago.   Hope this finds you feeling better with more energy.  What's been going on with my brother has been so convolutedly complex it might take your mind off things...

Lynn's mother passed away in May.  He and his brother so overwhelmed that I was asked to put together the entire funeral Mass.  I was given less than 24 hours to do.  Took five hours but I did and service at least as beautiful as my own mother's and maybe even more so.  Also, asked to pick out final outfit to wear and jewelry, shoes.  Talk about scrambling yet, amazing grace, got it done.  An honor yet very hard since my brother teetering on a relapse simultaneously.  

My brother has SQUATTERS taking over his house and possibly drugging him.  Another roomer who lives with my brother brought her co-worker, Rita, from work over to live who just never left. Rita without permission brought John and John without permission brought his Pitbull.  That Pitbull has since died and he got a puppy pitbull.  

My brother began acting unusually odd after John and Rita had a woman friend of theirs cook for Andy.  That friend had a Pit Bull named Happy Norman.  Norman after man in the movie, Psycho.  

My brother hospitalized about two weeks later for THREE WEEKS February/March.  Asked for help from Elder abuse to his go to people there yet removal of John and Rita not expedited or even helped with.  Called Adult Prtoective services who call me two weeks later to say Andy just fine when first went out two weeks ago yet not now.  I said wasn't fine two weeks ago or y'all wouldn't have been contacted.  Adult Protective Services said due to cuts in funding only so much they could do.  Didn't say that two weeks prior and only when Andy not just teetering on a relapse due to home situation and by then having a relapse.  

My brother was distressed since nobody cleaned in household except Rich so Rita's friend, John, got a friend of his to clean:  Melissa.  Andy paid John to pay Melissa yet Melissa said John never paid her.  Andy so moved that Melissa cleaned using own money, plus said she didn't like John and wanted to be Andy's friend.  May, John gave Andy a cheap steel promise ring to give to John's friend, Melissa.  Melissa accepted.   

JUNE 2nd while I'm on Andy's speaker phone: Melisaa barges in with male her friend, "Red."  Demanding a credit card from Andy.  Yelling at Andy and berating him and telling him to not tell anyone that they were having a relationship because she never did and never would want a relationship with him.  To not ask anyone where she lived or her phone number.  I chimed in and told her the best way to achieve that was to not come over.  Melissa then said, "Oh, I'm Andy's wife."  I said I doubted that since just heard what she said.  She said, "oh. well... I still want to be friends."  Melissa then proceeds to grab a medication bottle of Andy's and said she knew which one he needed and handed one to Andy.  I told her to not take any money from Andy because obvious he didn't have extra money and obvious not at his best.  

JUNE 3rd police called to Red Lobster since my brother so out of it and did a breathalyzer on my brother he passed.  An employee drove Andy back over to his house three miles east of there.  Andy had taken a cab there to eat shrimp yet not allowed to eat there.  I learned about this the next day when Andy called me.  

JUNE 3rd I called Andy and still not home by about 10 p.m.  Melissa answered phone cursing me and certain Andy hospitalized since not home yet.  Melissa was all giddy irreverently saying plan to have fun at Andy's while Andy hospitalized.  Melissa's long time friend, John, and Rita came to get more things yet still hadn't removed everything nor returned keys as told Andy would.  Female roomer who has lived with Andy over five years changed from not liking Melissa to saying that Andy causing problems between her and John's long time friend, Melissa.  Melissa gave her her contact info.  Too, said plan to have fun too while Andy hospitalized.  Made me wonder what Melissa gave to Andy on 2nd that she thought he was hospitalized on 3rd.  Melissa had slapped female roomer giving contact info too is why that roomer didn't like yet suddenly BFF's.

JUNE 4th:  Andy said Melissa cashed in a credit card demanding JUNE 2nd for $225 and one of his roomers who've been there over five years said Melissa drunk on JUNE 3rd waving a whisky bottle in her hand out front so sounds possible.  Andy said someone had mixed all his pills together and he was having trouble telling which were which.  

JUNE 6th: APS asked for my contact info to ask for immediate hlep for Andy.  Didn't do.  

JUNE 7th: Same APS person comes out to tell my brother while he's totally out of it and mumbling like Rita does since June 4th.  My brother said APS said he needed a payee and that he said I'd be.  I told my brother i couldn't be and had already told APS that and asked them or place that treats Andy to arrange one as surely a common need of persons.  

JUNE 8th:  My brother had seen a stray kitten earlier on his birthday and decided to go up and rescue so not hit by a car.  A birthday present to himself.  Salvation Army called police saying trespassing and since he looked odd on curb calling kitten told police thought on narcotics.  My brother has never taken narcotics so, again, what did Melissa give him JUNE 2nd that now he's mumbling like Rita?  

Lynn and I had gone to visit Andy end of November 2016, when Rita cam out and said Andy still getting cleaned up.  Rita oddly mumbles.  I'd wanted to see Andy and home town while I could still see with Left eye so Lynn took me.  

JUNE 10:  On Police Activity Report Arrests for JUNE 11:  Salvation Army called police on Melissa for Assault & Battery.  By online report available to public Melissa lives one block from Salvation Army on same street.  My brother lives about four blocks away on a different street.  Some go up there for fellowship and to eat if low on funds. 

JUNE 21:  Called my brother's house who is now hospitalized.  Rita answered and has returned and sounded like since I heard a man's voice who sounded like John the next day that John is back too.  Rich, another roomer, said not John and John's friends who were talking.  Nonetheless, no more than one other person can be staying there by City rules, unless married to Rita.  I asked Rita... Why are you doing this?  Why don't you just leave instead of making Andy have to go through entire eviction process taking you to court?  Rita said, "Well, I don't have a job yet I hope to by mid July."  See, when Andy begins eviction if persons evicting can stress him enough to get him hospitalized can delay him filing or make him have to refile if he cannot make it to court.  

JUNE 22nd everyone telling me getting cut off notices for utilities.  I said, "Well, if cut off I guess everyone will leave then."  I said Andy handles his roomers situation.  Then, I goolged and read best to leave water on as SQUATTERS will continue to use bathroom and become a health hazard if cut off.  So I contacted City and told them everything.  Several news station investigative teams have emailed me about disabled being exploited by SQUATTERS.  See, a new casino right on edge of city my brother lives in and looks like TENT city in Nevada is pulling up stakes to move to.  Already about five casino hoppers have targetted Andy.  In fact, area code on Melissa's number that she gave to Rich's wife is out of Nevada.  I, personally, think SQUATTER crime rings.  This is the State Dr. Phil and Robin born in and ranks 44th in funding yet 2nd in the most severely disabled.

Andy's neighbor called police since John and Rita had so many friends in and out of Andy's house.  Police came yet didn't get a search warrant when Rtia wouldn't let them into converted garage room she was staying in.  Rita also fired from fast food Taco place she worked at for "too many friends coming there" she said end of November 2016.  Since she lingered outside after came out to tell us Andy not cleaned up yet I said, "Oh, you are co-worker of Andy's other roomer."  To which she said, "No, told I had too many friends coming up to see me."  Andy has lost 93 lbs. in six months, since we visited.  To be continued...
Replied By: nightlady on Jun 2, 2017, 10:27PM
Just dropped in to the board to see if you were still around.  I see you have been here but not for about a month now.  I sure hope all is well with you.  I haven't been doing very good physically or mentally.  In fact I was pretty sick for a couple of months.  In March I had two kidney procedures for kidney stones.  Since I only have one kidney this wasn't a good thing that's for sure.  After the second procedure I got a terrible bacterial infection that was pretty drug resistant and I ended up in the hospital for 5 days until they could find an antibiotic that worked on the infection. They put in a picc line and I started going to an infusion center every day for antibiotic infusions.  About 10 days later I ended up in the hospital again with a fungal infection in my blood on top of the bacterial infection, so I spent another 3 days in the hospital.  Now I had to have two infusions everyday one for the bacterial infection then one for the fungal infection.  I ended up having  36 infusions, driving to the infusion center 7 days a week.  Thought I'd lose my mind before it was all over with.  It really took me down not only physically but mentally.  I fell into a pretty bad depression and have been struggling every since.  I can't seem to get my strength back and that's a problem because I have to keep going.  I take care of my mom and I can't depend on other family members to do it.  My mom did stay with my brother both times I was in the hospital.  So things have been pretty crazy around here.  They tell me that the fungal infection could come back but they are hoping that by keeping me on the infusions for so long they got it all cleared up.  Of course they can't tell me how I ended up with the bacterial infection and the fungal infection.  Thank God for insurance because my bills are huge.  Don't know yet if I'll get stuck for any of it or not.  Anything exciting going on in your life.  I see you're still here helping people out where you can.  I don't know how many years it's been since we first started chatting but it's been several. You've been faithful to the board that's for sure.  Well, drop me a line when you can and let me know how you're doing.
Replied By: daryner on May 26, 2017, 4:59AM - In reply to sdelong1369

Losing someone you love is a very difficult thing to go through. I lost a loved one, a brother, three years ago, and I thought the pain would never go away. Well, I guess the pain has always remained, but I have learned to live with it and not be overcome by it. I think about my own family, my daughter, and I find more courage to live day by day. I was very close to my brother and it was a tragic death he suffered, but I have left his death to destiny and have come to accept it, always thinking that he is smiling and watching over us, from a happy place. 
Replied By: sdelong1369 on May 19, 2017, 10:23AM
Its been three years since I lost the love of my life. My heart breaks everytime I think of him. My depression has gotten so bad that I spend hours crying. My anxiety has increased to such a point that i suffer from severe panic attacks. I had a heart attack and I also was hospitalized for heart failure. I feel like I am going to die most of the time. I do not want to die and that is where my panic attacks come from. I feel like I am in a very dark place and wish that I knew of a way to feel better. I know my late husband would not want this life for me IE disability, illness, memory issues and depression. but i can't seem to get it to stop. Any advice for me?

Thank you,

Replied By: deafgirl78 on May 10, 2017, 8:17PM - In reply to invisible101

     I was diagnosis with Borderline Personaility disorder too.  I had taken DBT (Dialetical Behvioral therapy) and it's was the best thing I ever took.  You will learn 3 or 4 modules emotinal regulatioand work with your therapist.  I took it for a year and half (I'm deaf).  LIke I said it's worth it.  I hope you look into it.

Replied By: invisible101 on May 9, 2017, 8:12AM
I was diagnosed with BPD last yr.

I don't know anyone else with it and find that there are no suport

groups in my state. Alaska 

as I learn more about BPD the more I see myself having no one to

talk to about it is a very lonely feeling. My family is not on board

with my diagnosis so for the most part i deal with this in silence.

as for my doctor we've had a few issues and I find that I'm hiding

whats going on with me even from him. Choices for doctors is alsa

limited here...........…..

I'm at a loss what to do next.

Replied By: invisible101 on May 9, 2017, 7:59AM
2years ago I lost the love of my life after 17yrs

the pain and loss never go away,my life has never been the same

it appears that all that's left is unhappiness,betrayal, and broken promises. This year my mind blocked out the whole painful month.

now the guilt over not remembering is just another cross to live with.

invisible 101
Replied By: yesyoucan on May 6, 2017, 8:02PM - In reply to daryner
Replied By: yesyoucan on May 6, 2017, 8:01PM - In reply to daryner
We all share what works for each of us.  Psychology is the study of individuals so what works for one person isn't always a one size fits all solution for all.  It is like when you look for a pair of shoes you keep looking for the perfect fit...   You'll just know when you find what works for you.  Continue being proactive as you were coming here and you will find what you need by continuing to BE THERE for you.
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