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Depression and Grief


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Are you overwhelmed with dark feelings of despair? Have you suffered a loss and are having a difficult time coping? If you or someone you love is suffering from depression or is grief-stricken, you know it can be a struggle, but you don’t need to suffer in silence. Share your story here.

If you need immediate assistance, please call your local emergency number or crisis hotline listed in your local phone book's government pages.

Click here for General and Mental Health Resources.
Replied By: yesyoucan on Aug 19, 2014, 10:01AM - In reply to muddling
I lost my mother suddenly too to adverse reaction to VIOXX, after I lost my dad and grandmother.  Sorry that you lost your friend too.  It was like losing my cheering section and so helps me to watch Joel Osteen since he cheers everyone on weekly. A month or so after mother passed, I discovered Joel Osteen when unable to sleep and I flipped over to him one early Sunday morning by chance.  I'd been up since 4 a.m. with TV muted watching scripture text scroll beneath pretty pictures on a channel.  At 4 a.m.(ish), 2003, was the time I'd been called to be told my mother had passed and I'd wake up at 4 a.m. for over a month.

I meant to turn off TV yet somehow flipped over to channel Joel Osteen on and since by then 7 a.m. late enough to unmute TV to listen to.  So glad I began watching Joel Osteen as I was so entombed in grief after mother passed unexpectedly.  Then I realized being entombed in grief wasn't going to bring back so now I try to celebrate their memories so my loved ones live on in my memories and in my heart.  I believe first message I heard of Joel Osteen was to rise from the ashes to grasp the beauty of today.  

Not a day goes by that I don't wish they were still here with oopsies and overs.  Sometimes I think believing there's a heaven makes us take the moment for granted.  Yet when you lose loved ones you suddenly become aware of all the lost moments and moments you loved with your loved one that you'll never have again.  I'm sorry for all who have to go through the loss of loved ones.  In memory of my lost loved ones, is why I began coming here, June 2003, when I saw someone posting suicide note to ask person to choose life instead.  So nobody has to feel the loss of losing anyone too soon and yet when you lose someone you love, family or friend, any day is too soon.  

To celebrate my lost loved ones memories I collect seashells since my mother loved the beach, have written some poems in her, dad, grandmother and my pets' memories.  Scanning or taking retro photos with my iPad of loved ones to post online makes the photos look more vivid.  Oddly, I began drinking coffee at 38 when dad died and never had prior (he loved coffee).  Making pies like grandmother makes me feel close to her.  I googled family home addresses and zoom in to street level clicking on person icon to wander streets of my childhood.  I celebrate their memory and would like to believe they are my guardian angels and watch over me.  I'm sorry you are hurting.  I hope you find some ways to comfort you and bring you healing, too.  Your parents and friend must have been very special to you.  What are your fondest memories?
Replied By: yesyoucan on Aug 19, 2014, 9:41AM - In reply to kashmir66
Glad you popped in with well wishes as brightens day to see.  

We have two roosters now that we got free on craigslist.  Fonzie Foghorn and Kernal Sanders aka The Colonel.  The Colonel bosses Fonzie around.  The Colonel is a large black and white rooster like I've seen of salt and pepper shakers.  Fonzie is beautiful maroon red with dark brownish black punk rock hairstyle that sticks up on the top of his head.  They are nine months old.  My friend who works at SMU in Dallas visited us ten days ago and spent the night and cracked up laughing when she saw Fonzie's hair that sticks up on his head he's so cute.  They ARE so healthy and pretty and already come to their names and are SO fun to watch.

Replied By: muddling on Aug 18, 2014, 7:40PM
On March 14th 2007, I lost my mother suddenly and unexpectedly. She was only 65. By the time December 11th 2008 arrived, I had also lost my father and my best friend of 30 years.  She was only 41. 

I don't think I have grieved for my loved ones. It feels like only a few years ago since they died, certainly not 7 years. I think of them every day. Not with happy memories of the past, but with deep sorrow and anger that this had to happen to me.
Replied By: kashmir66 on Aug 17, 2014, 10:19PM
haven't been on for a while, just wanted to say hi.

Been seeing my new doctor, it's horribly embarrassing and the whole day is shot and it's bleeding into the rest of the week, all I think about is hating going there, so I devert the thinking about it by going on a forum and debate stuff.

I hope everyone  is having a good day for a change.

Have a wonderful night
Replied By: yesyoucan on Aug 12, 2014, 5:14PM - In reply to kellybug
I was impressed how cable news was focusing on depression Robin Williams experienced with lots of experts.  Mike Wallace of 60 Minutes did a PBS special to share how much Zoloft helped him.  The best experts are all of us here who are experiencing or have or are taking it one day at a time to not experience again...  Saw an excellent quote as per Robin Williams:  "Depression is a flaw in chemistry, not character," Dr. Deborah Serani.

What helped me was to realize to sentence myself to death at that point I became my worst abuser.  We all have to find what works as individuals and I'm glad your son helps you.  You are so right that suicide injures more than the person who commits and hurts his/her friends and family too.  As well, teaches those close to us that suicide is a way of coping when instead is a way of not coping.  

Getting into habit of thinking positive (practicing daily) does help me even though I know doesn't help everyone.  Timing how much time I lost worrying or fretting helped me to learn to be more present in the now.  Also, too, Menieres from an allergic reaction to aspirin because if I cry and my sinuses get askew, since allergic reaction to aspirin, I can experience vertigo.  Vertigo is SO awful that if I begin to cry just the memory of how awful can be incentive to not go with sadness.  Exercise and Dr. Phil and his son, Jay's, breathing exercises help me as well.  

Psychology is the study of individuals yet it is easy to try to find blanket cure alls.  You know what works for you and we each have to incorporate what works for each of us, individually.  I have a friend who openly seeks help for her depression through her workplace health plan.  I was concerned that it might jeopardize her job yet she's been there three years or more so didn't.  Though there is stigma often the guilt we feel is from our own unwillingness to allow ourselves to not be perfect.  

The person in your group who mentioned could be silently suffering depression too (or privately) and receiving care as could others be.  Oh well, at least here you know everyone in the group is or has or may again be depressed.  We are all taking it "one tear, one smile, one day, one moment at a time."  I'm glad you joined us and thank you so much for sharing what works for you.
Replied By: kellybug on Aug 12, 2014, 12:05PM
Learning of the death of Robin Williams was a shock.  He was such a giving individual, that I felt like he was a part of the global family - so his loss is my loss.  When his family mourns, the world cries tears with them.

In a statement issued from his wife, it states something like please remember his life, and not his death.  I politely disagree.  I hope his death, a result from his struggle with severe depression, will spark a conversation about depression.  I have struggled with depression, and more recently (in the last dozen years) with anxiety as well.  I have been told by family members, by well meaning motivational people - to just not think about being sad.  That I can will myself to be fine.  That if I think happy, positive thoughts - then my depression will be solved.  I know they mean well, but depression - especially severe depression - is not just a state of mind.  Unless you have been there, you can't know what it is like.  Personally, I have felt my emotions have overruled my head - that my desire to live is being overpowered by the desire to stop hurting and that will only happen when I have passed on.  The only thing I have found that stops my hand is thinking about my young son, and what it would do to him.  Living for someone else isn't the best, obviously, but it gets me through the dark times - sometimes just barely.

I remember being in a meeting at work, to talk about the benefits of our health plan.  One thing was touched on was mental health services.  I forget the statistic, but it was stated that 1 in 8 people suffer from depression (or something like that) - my friend then looked around the room and commented - that means at least one of us.  Little did he know I was that one.  I live in shame of my depression.  Let us hope this tragedy will start the conversation... bring depression out of the darkness and into awareness... so that those of us that need it will no longer feel ashamed to pursue treatment.
Replied By: yesyoucan on Aug 12, 2014, 11:38AM
Anybody here?  Any Max updates?  Today, Lynn and I mowed the farm together on used riding mowers he repaired.  Looks like a riding mower ballet...  We have two roosters since ten days ago:  Colonel Sanders aka The Colonel and Fonzie Foghorn (Fonzie for short). Our guineas are MIA and we hope not nabbed by wildlife and just prefer the woods.  Lavender guinea went into woods nine days ago and never returned.  Other four went into woods today it appeared looking for Lavender and returned both times so, hopefully, return in a.m.  Roosters have been wandering woods during day every since the Lavender guinea disappeared on search and rescue mission.  Roosters will risk life and limb to protect flock.  The roosters sleep in Wisteria tree and turn in about 8 p.m..  Every a.m. I'm so glad to hear The Colonel and Fonzie crow so then I know both okay.  My friend who works at SMU in Dallas, visited us this weekend and spent the night.  

New or not so new don't be shy.  What you have to say counts since SELF MATTERS INCLUDES YOU.  Me too.  WE too.


You are you 

I am me 

We are WE
Replied By: yesyoucan on Jul 26, 2014, 11:07PM - In reply to xojennyxo
I have found that a turning point in a person's life is when zero in and think, "What could I have done differently to not be in this predicament."  You will find quite often most of us in predicaments even if different than yours reacted in want of a better respons and, too, ignored red flags and intuition and better judgement.  So, one day at a time when feel like you are about to react in want of a better response don't react and choose the better response.  To me, it looks like you are accepting responsibility and that's a positive start.  Before getting into a relationship with someone else... get to know yourself and get all your ducks in a row.  Slow down...  Have you read Dr. Phil's book, "Love Smart"?  

Being bullied online can take a toll for sure.  I'm sorry that's happening to you.  Often not much you can do except try to ignore as usually won't stop until bully finds a new target as often done just for entertainment or boredom: reacting in want of a better response to not.  Dr. Phil says, "You are never alone if you are there for you."  I always add BE THERE... It sounds like you are ready to be there.  Things have a way of working out so give things time and try not to get ahead of yourself.  Trust is earned so learn to trust yourself first.  Too, it is easy when in counseling to get into a habit of telling everyone very personal things.  When you have a feeling it may not be a good idea to elaborate on personal matters likely not... though we've all gone on and done that and had a day of reckoning we shouldn't have.  Friends usually prefer to be friends not counselors.  Sound advice for us all nonetheless.  

Just like a person can binge on cookies a person can binge on reacting all over the place in want of a better response.  All of us can.  So just become conscious and very present.  When consider or attempt suicide we become our own worst abuser.  It is time you learned to be your best friend and loudest cheerleader.  Begin a SELF MATTERS notebook and daily write SELF MATTERS INCUDES and sign like you are autographing your life.  Then write ten positive things DAILY:  Your attributes, goals, positive affirmations etc.  This is your life and you are entitled to make the best decisions to last a life time.  Dr. Phil says "if you name it you can change it":  Dealing with consequences of decisions that weren't the best is something we all have to do.  

Trust is earned.  As you learn to trust yourself more and become your best friend responding with your best interest in mind rather than reacting... people will see that and trust you more too.  Just because we sometimes paint ourself into a corner doesn't mean that we can't paint a door out making better decisions.  You have some work to do and nobody except you can do.  SELF MATTERS INCLUDES YOU and you deserve to make better decisions and sounds like you are ready to.  Look in the mirror.  You need to be nice to the person you see there and be your best friend.  

Even though what you did wasn't a rational thing to do it is always best to accept responsibility...  I have a feeling before you did any of the things that have come back to haunt you that you first had an inkling not a good idea.  Again, that's good because you just have to look within and learn to be your best friend and do what is in your best interest.  If something isn't in your best interest in the long run...  You know that you know deep down.  

Refocusing on what is in our own best interest after reacing in a way that wasn't... takes time and practice, practice, practice.  You can do it.  "You are never alone if you are there for you," as Dr. Phil says and sounds like you are ready to be there for you.  What matters most isn't who you feel isn't there for you just so you always are.  If you care about you you always have one person who cares and you owe it to yourself to care about you 24/7 the rest of your natural life.  No more trying checking out early.

Act like your life is important for it is.  You sound like you are ready to do just that.  So, commit right now to "never, never, never" ever give up on you again.  SELF MATTERS INCLUDES YOU... BELIEVE IT  Hop into the driver's seat of your life making healthy choices responding in your own best interest rather than reacting.  "Life isn't cured it is managed" and, like the rest of us are in our own lives, you are the CEO of your life.
Replied By: xojennyxo on Jul 25, 2014, 4:50PM
I am a 32 year old female and I have been struggling with mental health since I was about 12 years old.. I have borderline personality disorder, depression and anxiety.. I have struggled with bulimia and anorexia, gambling addiction, shopping addiction, self injury - hitting, cutting, poking.., internet addiction.. I have attempted suicide over 10 times.. I have been in the hospital many times.. I have been through about 12 therapists (I am on on my 4th therapist in 2 years)..

I am also dealing with some legal issues.. about 4 years ago I had a boyfriend and he was mentally abusive towards me.. I didn't want to believe he was bad for me since I thought I could help him.. anyways, we were being harassed by a former friend of ours and it got extreme so we decided to get a restraining order against him.. I liked the attention I was getting from my boyfriend and we were also on the verge of breaking up and I didn't want to lose him so I started sending myself and my ex boyfriend harassing e-mails pretending to be someone else.. I falsely reported these messages to the police and other professionals..  eventually I stopped and the case was closed.. then about 2 years ago I posted an ad on Craigslist looking for someone to kill me.. it was reported to police  and then the investigator of the case that was closed confronted me and told me to confess because she knew I was guilty..  in March of 2012 I was charged with 6 felonies and one misdemeanor.. my charges make me look like a complete monster.. :( I lost my job, I lost friends, I was expelled from grad school and banned from campus, etc.. after being fired from my PCA job I went to the casino to try to win some money so I could be financially stable for a few months.. I ended up writing checks worth 4,000.. I was in the casino for 12 hours! I drove home which took about an hour and decided I was done with life and I was going to kill myself.. I took a bunch of Tylenol PM and Melatonin..  my dad had to drive me to the ER that morning.. I couldn't walk.. I couldn't move.. it was my 2nd time in the hospital in about 2 weeks since a few weeks prior I cut myself and was sent to the hospital..  after this hospital stay I was referred to an IRT facility (Intensive Residential Treatment).. I have been in treatment 3 times since December 2012.. 4 month stay each time.. I had suicide attempts since then (some in treatment).. I was in adult foster care (horrible experience).. I was last discharged in April 2014 and I relapsed agian in May.. I was hoping to get an apartment but I was denied because my background check showed my legal charges.. I got impulsive and decided to fire all my providers because I saw no point in getting help anymore because I didn't think it would work anymore since my legal issues were ruining everything for me. :(   I was then in the ER after threatening suicide and the police came to pick me up to bring me to the ER.. the plan was for me to go to another IRT facility.. but this time to a inpatient DBT facility but they wouldn't take me because they weren't sure what they could do for me since I was in treatment so many times recently.. I am now seeing a new therapist since the therapist I "fired" won't see me anymore..  I am hoping to get housing with help from a company.. my legal issues are still going on and it's been really hard.. I also don't have any friends really and it's hard to attract decent men.. most want to abuse me and use me.. but I won't fall for that..

anyways, that is my story.. most professionals who have worked with me tell me that what I did to my ex boyfriend was based on me being mentally ill and what I did was not something I should be punished for.. they say I have been punished enough and that there are two victims in this case - me and my ex boyfriend..

I also have been dealing with online bullies on Facebook.. about 5 people have messaged me and when I try to take action to block them then more start to write me.. they tell me I look like Jay Leno and that I'm ugly and no one cares about me.. they also tell me other mean things. it really hurts because they pick at my insecurities and I question who I can trust.

I hope I can find some support..
Replied By: yesyoucan on Jul 20, 2014, 11:01AM - In reply to forgottenpixie
So sorry for all you've been through.  You aren't letting your mom down.  Your molester did.  You are in the process of trying to heal being proactive reaching out here.  Guilt trips are expensive trips to go on so unpack your bags.  You have a life to live.  Yours.  Joel Osteen made a good point today.  He said that our minds are like computers and our negative inner dialogue are like viruses.  The anti-virus program is to practice positive thinking one more positive thought at a time reprogramming thoughts to cheer yourself on.  Ironically, in a psychology college course I took WAY back in 1977, text talked about our minds being like computers. 

You could copy what you wrote here to email to Dr. Phil.  Just click Contact Dr. Phil above and Be On The Show.  They might be able to allow you to stay in waiting room and not show your face to help you.  Anxiety is very common and a good subject to touch on because persons shy about going on show need help too and your coming here to share took courage.  So pat yourself on the back.  

Anxiety attacks are brought on because of not enough oxygen to brain due to getting breathing out of sync.  Getting breathing out of sync can be caused by working self up playing reruns of traumatic events or catastophizing even just going to store or not having healty habits of sleep, diet etc.  So learn to immediately begin breathing ...calmly... to count of 3 exactly each way.  To ground yourself gently touch finger tips as you breath in and out ...calmly... to count of three each way until do at least five times.  Try right now.  Works for me and I hope will for you too.  Exercise, like walks, can oxygenate brain so a natural mood elevator.  So often when persons say "feel like wind taken out of their sails" more truth to that saying than realize.  There's a relaxing song Just Breathe... have you heard?

Dr. Phil says "you are never alone if you are there for you."  I always add BE THERE.  You ARE being there for you coming here and that was a big step.  I have something else I'm going to add to this so stop back by if you don't see yet...

"Discover the champion in you" today and get a notebook and title SELF MATTERS INCLUDES ME and sign your name with confidence. Then each DAILY entry of ten entries to cheer yourself on title SELF MATTERS INCLUDES ME and sign your name with confidence then write ten positive things about yourself even if you don't feel that way and things you aspire to be. There is a lot to act as if until you are. Positive thinking isn't learned through osmosis and it takes practice, practice, practice. Begin practicing today! DR. PHIL QUOTE: "You're the one who talks to you, all day, every day. Characterize messages you send yourself by a rational and productive optimism." 

I know you are hurting and not trying to make it sound easy to boot strap it back up from camp despair. It takes concentrated effort at a time you feel zapped of energy. Walk to corner and back and equalize your breaths to count of 3-5-7 each way to same count like Dr. Phil suggests...breathing in healing and exhaling the pain. TOO, thinking Have Faith... as you breathe in and FEAR NOT as you breathe out is calming too, as well.  We all have to learn to have faith in ourselves and takes extra practice when something has shattered our faith, doesn't it?  Joel Osteen helps me...and you have to find what helps you. What would you suggest to your best friend...(?)...then be your best friend...always... Your fellow member, SEA 

1) I am feeling better and better every day. 
2) I will be proactive in my recovery of happiness. 
3) I will have faith in myself. 
4) I will turn negatives into positives. 
5) I will be my best friend. 
6) I am calm, relaxed, poised and confident 
7) I will cheer myself on writing DAILY positive things about myself. 
8) My past is the past and today is today and I have the steering wheel to my future 
9) "Life is not cured it is managed" and it is up to me to manage my life well 
10) Quitters never win and winners never quit so I'll never, never, NEVER give up on me...

 YOU are a winner...  Believing is seeing.  Yell it... Spell it... BELIEVE IT!  SELF MATTERS INCLUDES YOU.
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