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Bulemic with anorexic tendencies
on Aug 30, 2012, 11:58AM
I have such a complex about food it is truley ruining my relationships with the most important people in my life. Not only that but I feel it s affecting my five year old daughter who is constantly aware of everything going on. I cannot eat normal amounts of food, I eat so little that my best friend (childrens father) claims it would'nt be enugh to satisfy a small cat. I worry about drinking water afraid it may make me bloated which is dangerous as I live in Phoenix. I hate the fact that I have this complex because even if I eat something as simple and healthy as a chicken breast and garden salad I freak out and throw up, my five year old is always questioning me and I worry that this may hurt her in the future. I try to hide it but some how she always knows and so does everyone around me. I have gone frm 165 to 110 lbs in the last 4 months. I am now trying to get down to 100 even. I am stressed about this because sometimes I do want to eat and just be normal I hate that I live life afraid to eat. It really makes me sad and it hurts even more when my best friend is constantly telling me to get help. I hate that I worry my family and friends and I wish I could just live normal.
Controlled... Maybe not so much
on Aug 17, 2012, 6:31AM
I Am 24 y/o, married with a baby. I have been anorexic for 14 years. I try to keep it controlled, which means I eat enough so people don't suspect I'm anorexic, and so that I can have enough energy for my family. But it's impossible to truly control it, because when times get stressful, sure enough... I turn to my addiction even more than usual and won't eat for 3 days... Easily.
On a normal day, I will eat between 100-600 calories. Depending on if I'm around people or not. If I'm alone, or not needing to eat socially, I'll just drink my daily calories, such as a V8 .
Im excellent at hiding this, though my closest friends and family know. I am 5'3" and 104 lbs. I'm size 1 and feel great. I have tried eating normally and hate those extra 10 lbs. I feel disgusting when I'm 115 lbs or more. Nto sure if I need to get help or not.
Losing weight the right way
on Jul 28, 2012, 7:55PM -
In reply to young_mom1012
Start by eating a big breakfast and have small snacks in between meals. Eat three full meals a day and watch your calorie intake. Do not eat late at night. Try to have your last snack 3-4 hours before bed. Start working out. Start with like 15 minute a day workouts and yoga is good before bed it relaxes you. But just watch what you eat, stay active, makesure breakfast is the biggest meal of the day this gets yourmetabolism going and gives you energy. If you go on Pinterest there are a lot ofquick workouts on there. GNC has some good products as well. When I wanted to lose weight I started out by doing a detox which came with a little booklet of meal ideas. Do some research on how manycalories you should have a day it's going to depend on how much weight you want to lose, your BMI and your height etc. But I did all of this and I feel really good with my new healthy lifestyle oh and I cut out red meat. I'll have it here and there but not more than a few times a month, and I eat a lot of chicken, fish, fresh fruit, veggies, yogurt, and rice.
on Jul 26, 2012, 6:28AM
I was a fat kid.
Always, from the time I can remember. Also from the time I can remember I was singled out for this. Beaten up, the victim of cruel pranks (two girls sending a love letter in the mail to try and get me to write one and leave one for the anonymous lothario, I was informed by a more caring soul just moments before I put the letter in the specified place), told to kill myself. I hated myself, I hated my fat. I hated that I was even born.
Skip to a few years later. I weigh 300 pounds by the end of university. My fiance leaves me for someone else. I'm a wreck. That summer things start to change. I start "forgetting" to eat. I start going out and not coming home for extended periods of time. The weight slowly starts melting off. But not enough for my liking. Next came the drug abuse. Speed and ecstasy at first. Then coke. Then opiates. I've never lost so much weight so fast. I was hopelessly addicted to both the drugs and the attention that people were giving me, that I'd never had before. Plus my best friend had just comitted suicide. What did I have to lose? I end up trying to kill myself and was admitted to the psych ward a few times. Then, on the first of October 2010, I made the decision to get clean. And I stayed true to that.
The not eating that I'd first started playing with after university became a replacement addiction. I wouldn't eat in front of anyone. I'd try to eat a meal in a restaurant, but the anxiety about food and getting that big again still to this day overtakes me. I just had a baby, 3 weeks ago. I'm breastfeeding so I force myself to eat the bare minimum a day. But even that feels wrong. Food equals fat to me, and I don't know how to cancel that equation. Sometimes I get weak because I'm not eating enough to give myself any nutrients, just her.
I don't feel anorexic. At my lowest (which I'm slowly creeping down to), I was 180 pounds. Still lots of fat. But my food anxiety makes it impossible to eat healthy and have a normal healthy eating routine.
I'm not sure what to do, exactly.
Inspirational - felt like the author CAPTURED IT EXACTLY TO A TEE!!
on Jul 25, 2012, 3:31PM
I'm not going to share my story.. don't feel like it's worth much to anybody. Long story short - was obese as a child, became anorexic and have been at a healthy weight for 5 years now. I am now struggling to fall pregnant for other reasons and I came across a quote in a book I was reading when they were discussing the condition I am currently battling with. Just replace the word "PCOS" with "eating disorder" in the following bit of text:
"Women with PCOS see their bodies as their enemies, the source of everything that is bad about their lives, whether that is because they have problems with weight, excess hair, acne, a lack of periods or are struggling with fertility issues. Denying your body the very thing it needs to stay alive can make you feel as if you are controlling it, and moves your sense of yourself away from your body and into your head - in other words, you become more and more detached from, and in control of, the body which you view as the enemy. This may give psychological relief so powerful that it becomes addictive"
Captured it to a tee. No?
I was so touched that the author absolutely nailed it. I can't add anything else to it.
The text is from PCOS A woman's guide to dealing with Polycystic ovary syndrome by Colette Harris & Adam Carey (page 158).
Hope this helped others find words for how they're feeling too.
I still continue to view my body as the enemy and often separate my mind from it..... just have to keep reminding myself that I need to be kind to myself...
on Jul 25, 2012, 2:11PM
Okay so I am 20 years old I have had two kids and Im 5'2 and weigh 140 pounds I feel like I am fat so someone please help me find a way to lose some weight so I can do it the right way please!!!!
on Jul 13, 2012, 6:11AM
I have been suffering from mainly anorexia since i was about 11 years old. I was raised by an anorexic alcoholic mother who always noticed when i put 5 pounds on and did not hesitate to critisize me for it. when i was 13 i began using laxatives on a daily basis and purging 1-2 times a week. i am now 22 years old, still use laxative, purge 5-7 times weekly and eat as little as possible. I am 5'3 and my recent weight gain brought me up to 120 pounds because i am on a bipolar medication called seroquel. i keep ipicac hidden around the house and i am so sick of this diease it holds me back from so much and is so embarrasing but i literally cant stop and if i do even for a day i get extremely depressed and go back ten times harder. to everyone living with this disease you are not alone and i feel for you.
on Jun 18, 2012, 8:22AM
I realize that it is not normal not to eat even though for me it is normal. I realize that I have had health issues and that my life has been grately affected. I know that the anxiety weather it be from the eating disorder of just because it is so severe grately distracts and pulls from my life. This I hate.
What I do not get.... Time after time people say this is about having some kind of control. I also do not understand how OCD is about having control. I really just do not get it. Where is this about wanting to have control when everything else around you is out of control. That's what is said. I just don't get it. I get so frustrated, confused and overwhelmed by this. Heck I get frustrated and overwhelmed about a lot and that in itself can become quite confusing. Is there even any kind of example of how in the world this is about control.
on Jun 6, 2012, 8:16AM
i wish when you tell -people this is not about being beautiful they could hear!! I wish a lot of things........ I wish that people did not say things to try to help but cause things to be harder for you...
And another thing
I agree with the person that said it would be nice to see someone that does not look extreme but still struggles. Sometimes when I see that it just causes my mind to be like see you do suck at this too. At one point I got lower then 110 but typically for whatever reason my body has stopped losing past 110 or 111. I can eat very little, basically nothing and even purge it and my body just like rebels or something. I think the world needs to know that you do not have to reach underweight for this to be a danger and for this to be real! You show people you can see are obviously in danger but what about people like me who look far from that. I mean I gained some weight and am on a list to go to a treatment place that is not only for eating disorders. Yeah... Please ......... and maybe even face the whole thing with the world of proana, it's not what people think. It is a horrible thing but I think girls, women, boys and men that get into that are not what people judge them to be.
I did not express that very well...... I get so scared of saying the wrong thing or something or sounding stupid.
on Jun 6, 2012, 8:07AM -
In reply to yogaduchess
thanks and sorry it has been so long.... life got so extremely crazy
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