Sign up for the Dr. Phil Newsletter
Twitter Facebook YouTube

2009 Shows

 
(Original Air Date: 01/29/09) As the economy struggles, many Americans are suffering financially and find themselves without extra cash in hand. Dr. Phil's guests say their money is maxed out and they're tired of supporting their adult children. Ardy and Brian say their household expenses have pushed the limits ever since Ardy's 25-year-old son, Jason, moved in. Ardy says he's lazy, unmotivated and acts like a 10-year-old. So why does she continue doling out dollars? Brian says Jason's selfish ways have gone too far, and he wants to evict the young man. You won't believe Jason's excuses. Will these parents decide to pull the plug on their ATM? Then, Maurice and Sharon say they want the best for their 24-year-old daughter, Samantha, and 21-year-old son, Jonathan, but providing for them has put them in the red to the tune of $100,000. Sharon says she'll be paying off the debt until she's 84! Do the brother and sister have a good reason for needing Mom and Dad's help, or are they living beyond their means? Dr. Phil sends the siblings back to school to learn elementary money lessons. Will they come away with a new outlook for their financial future? And, financial expert Susan Beacham shares her top money lessons to teach your children ... starting when they're kids. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.
Comments
Replied By: samantharyan on Dec 23, 2009, 10:03AM
hi
 
Replied By: samantharyan on Dec 23, 2009, 10:02AM
Well this is interesting. As the year has been winding down, today I went through a few pictures and came across ones from the show, which has landed me here. Not that anyone particularily cares, but here's my update since the show.

First just to clear things up, I was never living at home. My boyfriend and I have had our own apartment for the last two years and so I haven't been living at home since summer break during junior/senior year of college. I typically go over to visit maybe 2-3 times a month.

After the show I briefly worked at a travel agency until I found my current job now and have been there for over 8 months. I love everything about my job and in February I will start training to take over a management position. Money-wise, I'm taking care of all my personal expenses (student loans, insurance, cell phone, etc) with the exception of my car payment. The plan is either to trade it in after the winter for a more affordable payment I can handle or I can keep it when my salary begins, depending on my budget.

My younger brother Jonathan is back at home due to shoulder surgery he needed to undergo in July. He is still in physical therapy and will be possibly having another operation in March depending on his range level. He is planning on going back to LA to continue school in the spring for recording.

My parents, Sharon and Maurice, are doing a little better financially now that I have removed some of the burden, but they're still struggling like everyone else in this economy. They had set up an agreement with Jonathan in regards to school, working, and expenses but felt they could not follow through due to his sudden injury and shoulder problems.

If you have any questions, comments, or feedback, feel free to submit.

Thanks,

Samantha
 
Replied By: gotitinfocus on Jun 29, 2009, 5:49PM - In reply to pamalina
all I can say is this person who wrote this must not have Adult children who will not grow up and be responsable....You should come and stay with me and see how life really is with an adult child that won't grow up and move out....
 
Replied By: burself821 on Jun 27, 2009, 12:52AM
I watched this show in most earnest because I sort of see msyelf as that boomerang kid. I'm just recently out of college and I'm still bumming off my mom. We've had problems somewhat like this before, so I totally know what those young adult kids are going through. However, I'M NOT owing loads amounts of money to anyone, just a few hundred dollars to some hospital and auto insurance bills. The whole part about these kids owing thousands of dollars in debt is just insanity! I'm really not sure how their parents agreed to this. I get they are worried sick about the well-being of their kids, and I see it in my mom too. The economy sucks right now, and it especially doesn't help that I have some emotional issues of my own that I have to deal with to top it all off. In fact, I'm almost 100% certain that these kids do not do it to hurt their parents on purpose. There's always a reason why people do what they do. It works for them, and as much shame it is for me to admit, I do it too. My mom is a control freak. She grew up the oldest, and had to help her mom raise her younger siblings from a young age. She never really got to be a teenager. She always had to provide and do everything for her mom, because my grandmother had intense emotional issues. It pains my mom to see me act so vulnerable like her mom. I know she instinctually wants to help me, but her helping me is not helping her, nor me. It frustrated me how controlling she always was growing up. Now I have the wisdom to understand more what was, and is, really going on. Yet, even today, I still have issues about manning up and just grabbing life by the horns and taking charge of my life. Instead of being the responsible, normal young adult, whatever that is, I'm still here on my butt in front of the computer, wasting my education and whole life away moping about how I am so frustrated with life after college, wondering why it's so hard for me to do something about it. I'm probably ranting now, sorry.

Basically, my two cents, it has a whole lot to do about motivation problems and self-esteem - for the boomerang kids. They definitely do what works for them, and for them, they do it because it works and is convenient. I can tell you now that they don't do it because they enjoy seeing their parents suffer. That's something the parents need to work on.
 
Replied By: pitapita1 on Jun 26, 2009, 11:13AM - In reply to lgr_51
I dont have all the answers, but NO ONE CAN USE YOU WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION. If you add all the ages of your fiancee's kids that live with you, 30, 26 and 22, you have 78. Thats 78 years combined intelligance. I say set a time limit. August first and they all move out. TOGETHER.  Go down to Walmart and get yourself a spine and some empty boxes and help them pack. Three can get an apartment and get out on their own. Stick to your guns and gently tell your fiancee that you want to have a life ALONE..without the adult kids lounging around. If she hedges, then the four of them can go get an apartment together.
August first.....out they go!!!
 
Replied By: jmtern on Jun 24, 2009, 1:16AM - In reply to pamalina
Yes; yes; yes; yes...so tell us what  you teach?  And please educate me:  You use the word "groom."  I have heard it used by people who see to cats and dogs; not children unless they refer to dress; hygiene, etc. (as in "well-groomed").

It seems to me that if you teach the kid to grow up, then he would be prepared to enter the world, and there would be not an issue of his "need(ing) (your) couch (his) whole life."

Oh--for the record:  My father bailed me out and bailed me out and BAILED me out.  He felt guilty for various reasons, and expressed that guilt by rescuing me over and again.  He would say, "What are you going to do when I'm not around any more??"  My answer:   "I don't know." 

It was true--and It taught me one thing:  Not to be a true adult.  And now I am literally paying for it.

"(N)ever 'powerless?'"  Maybe you wouldn't be; maybe power is what you want.  But if this scenario played out, your son(s) and/or daughters(s) certainly would be.

<< I will always be responsible for my children, even if they needed my couch their whole life. I would never kick my child to the streets if I fail to teach them the value of money, respect, or financial responsibility. That was my opinion, my view and I am sorry you don't feel the same way. I just believe it's never a good idea to just give up, your never "powerless" unless you choose to be. If it took me everyday of my life to help my child be a good respectable contributing member of society, I would feel that is my responsibility. >>
 
Replied By: pamalina on Jun 23, 2009, 3:29PM - In reply to lolajean
You are always responsible for the life you bring into this world, you make it, you teach it, you groom it then complain if they aren't what you had hoped for. I will always be responsible for my children, even if they needed my couch their whole life. I would never kick my child to the streets if I fail to teach them the value of money, respect, or financial responsibility. That was my opinion, my view and I am sorry you don't feel the same way. I just believe it's never a good idea to just give up, your never "powerless" unless you choose to be. If it took me everyday of my life to help my child be a good respectable contributing member of society, I would feel that is my responsibility.
 
Replied By: link328 on Jun 23, 2009, 12:42PM
I was floored when I saw this show....my daughter is only 17 1/2....she hasn't really been to school for about 1 year and a half...but has fallen through the cracks as far as doing any time in juvenile hall or anything.  I am Ardy in this scenario....I keep letting this go on...she has a cell phone, car, comes and goes as she wants...doesn't attend school...but has been released to take her GED tests...she is supposed to be doing that this week and then getting a job....She disrespects me terribly and I reward it...basically because...as Dr. Phil points out to Ardy...I would feel terribly guilty if she failed or was homeless.  While I know I cannot "kick" her out yet...(only 17)...the time is getting near...and she isn't changing her ways....

Talk about LAZY...instead of doing the dishes...she throws them in the trash...She takes other people's clothes right out of their closet and cuts them up to suit her clothing needs at the moment...She is constantly buying things for her "friends"...which only use her.....Spending my money on pot, gas, and food....I have purchased this Episode and plan to watch it with my daughter in order to give her a heads-up as to what is coming in the next 6 months...I do plan on a huge change if she does not yet have her GED and a J.O.B....finances are toooooo tight to keep supporting someone who gives absolutely nothing back to the household.  She is rude to everyone in the house...and does no chores or anything else...except maybe to create more messes....I just keep cleaning, paying, bailing out, which I see now is only keeping her this way.....

I am so glad I caught this episode...I have never even watched Dr. Phil before....Thanks so much...Wish me luck!!

Lynn
Lacey, WA
 
Replied By: lolajean on Jun 22, 2009, 9:15PM - In reply to pamalina
We are certainly not responsible for our children once they are adults. Adults are responsible for themselves. If they need to learn something their parents didn't teach them, then they should learn it, not lay on their ass bitching about how terrible their life is. This lazy, irresponsible attitude of entitlement is disgusting and inappropriate and should not be encouraged or supported.

And there is a huge difference between someone working hard to get on their own and someone laying their ass on the couch, making a mess, eating all the food, and giving you a pissy attitude.

I am willing to do what I can to help my child, as soon as he gets a better life goal than to live on someone else's couch. He's not even smart enough to be nice to the person owning the couch, instead he chooses to be rude and unpleasant to have around. That's all fine while he's still young and people will still buy the "poor me" story. I thnk my child is headed for a very unhappy life. And it's hard to watch him keep making the same bad choices and be so powerless to stop him.

Yes, sometimes people need help. But you can't help someone who isn't doing anything.
 
Replied By: lgr_51 on Jun 22, 2009, 7:20PM
You hit the nail on the head Dr. Phil. I am 51 years old. I moved out on my own at 16 the first time, messed up came home and was out again at 18, was married at 19 and by the time I was 22 I had 3 babies to support. We grew up knowing we had a responsibility to get out on our own and make a living for ourselves. These kids today have absolutely no "get up and go!" I am divorced and I have a fiance I am living with right now. She has 2 kids who live with us. It has been a major issue in our relationship and I am afraid the relationship will end before the issue is solved. My patience is getting so thin. She has a 30 year old son, another who will be 26 in a month, and a daughter who is 22. they all live with us! It drives me nuts! The 30 year old will pay his mother $200.00 dollars a month, he does pay his cell phone bill, we have a rule that they all have to clean the bathroom one week, dump the dishwasher that same week and at the end of that week purchase and prepare a Sunday dinner for the family. He is pretty good about doing the meal, hardly ever cleans the bathroom or puts the dishes away, the 26 year old pays the cable & Internet bill, buys groceries once in a while, and helps his mother reign in the other 2 when she is feeling overwhelmed. For the most part he is OK to live with but when he gets bored he antagonizes the other two, kind of like a kid who has nothing to do and sits over an ant hill with a magnifying glass on a sunny day. The daughter is spoiled, everything is about her, she gets into and uses her mothers lotion, cologne, make up, and she doesn't pay her $200.00 a month like she should, she may pay $50.00 one week but then miss 4 weeks, she never does the dishes, she never cleans the bathroom, she cusses at her mother and yells at her mother. I swear to you I am 51 years old and the side of my face still hurts from when I was fifteen and told my mom something was none of her f&&&in business! My dad hit me so hard I came out of the dining room chair and picked myself up from the bedroom floor. I cant believe the lack of respect they have for their mother. I have been trying my best to allow her to take care of it, they are her children and I feel when she gets tired of it she will put a stop to it but my patience is wearing out. The two boys have been with use since October of 2005 and the girl since June 2006. Every time I think one is going to leave something happens and they stay. I have thought about packing up and me leaving but its my house! I provided my fiance with the house she wanted, I have bought her 2 new cars since we have been together which in December will be 5 years, almost anything she wants I provide with in reason but this is straining me to death. I know what to do to get it stopped but I don'tfeel it fair I have to end my relationship with their mother because they want to use her and me rather than standing on their own two feet. When I bring it up to her she always says  she doesn't want her kids to have to struggle with bills and so forth. I keep telling her that is part of growing up and making your own way. Hard times helps them to learn to make a their own decisions. Anyway, I just wanted to say your subject was great and it really hit home with me. By the way, I have 3 kids of my own, a 30 year old daughter who has lived alone since she was 18 and now has a masters degree in psychology and human relations, a 28 year old daughter who has lived on her own since she was 17 and is marred with 4 kids and holds down a job, and a son who is 26 was with his girlfriend for 5 years or so, is now married, owns his own home, is a project manager for dish network with about 10 employees under him. So it is possible that kids can be raised and can get out on their own and lead a productive life.
 
Showing 1-10 of total 124 Comments