2014 Shows

Jeanne says her 17-year-old daughter, Cheyenne, was the all-American girl -- a cheerleader, track star and straight-A honor student -- until she began dating Josh, a 28-year-old divorced father. Jeanne says her daughter has become rude, disrespectful, verbally and physically abusive, and she’s worried Cheyenne is throwing away her promising future. Cheyenne says she loves Josh, and no one can keep her from seeing him -- not even her mother. Josh says there’s nothing wrong with his relationship with Cheyenne, and he can’t wait until his fiancée is 18, so they don’t have to deal with Jeanne anymore. Dr. Phil takes a look at Josh’s history -- should Jeanne be concerned? And, can this fractured mother-daughter relationship be repaired? (OAD: 9-26-14)

Find out what happened on the show.
Replied By: thesource85 on Apr 27, 2015, 3:34AM
Hi Dr. Phil,

While watching this episode, I decided to send a comment because I also have been in a relationship with a 17 year old, whil I was 28.
Though she would turn 18 within the next 2 months of our relationship we indeed still had a huge gap.

Backstory was simple, a year earlier we met and we basically connected right away. The only thing was that I lived like 150 kilometers away so we never did anythingat relationship level. Until I moved back to the same town (reason: I was born in that town and my whole family lives there ).

Even though she did not factor in my dicision to move, we started to see eachother at party's and in social gatherings (she is part of a larger group of girlfriends) so at one point we just met and talked for hours to see what we feel we should do with our feelings.

That's about 1.5 years after we met so now we decided to give it a try.
Yes, we had sex and yes, we had a great time and also yes, some people did not approve. The thing is, they didn't approve because of the age difference, they disapproved because they knew that she had always cheated on all of her boyfriends.

I kept this in mind and started to really watch her behaviour over the next 2 months and discovered that she indeed slipped into her behaviour of flirting with others etc. Though she didn't actually cheated on me (as far as I know) she did flirt and she did lie to my face so that's the point that I decided that this was not okay.

I figured out that the age gap wasn't so much an issue as the gap of 'what point is she on in her life'. If she was like 28 and I was 36 , nobody would have cared and I really think (hope) that she would be more mature.

So I broke up with her and like 4 months later we met again at a party. That was a bit awkward but I think we decided (without really talking about it) that this is okay. Yes a little weird but since then we often see eachother at party's or just when we go out, but that's that. Just hey how are you, having fun and just rolling with it. I'm reall glad the awkwardness went away and sometimes we can laugh about stuff we did so I think it's allright now.

Now, does this make me a pedophile? I really hate that word because it's such a stamp on someone and the community will remember that stamp for ages.

Of course, I don't think I'm a pedophile. We both went in to the relationship, we already knew eachother for over a year and we really discussed things before we actually started anything.

My girlfriends in the past are usually not more then 3 years younger than me. I once dated a girl who was like 5 years older than me - that didn't work out.. She also was at a whole different level.

In this episode I do think that there's more going on, since he has a past of agression (I don't) and she klings on to his independent status (his freedom) which she still has to grow into.

The only thing I do find a bit unfair is that the focus on her being 17 and him being 'almost 30'. This sets a negative tone to start with. He's 28 not almost 30. Yes, it's the same but it's an enhancement towards an already negative view on the man (boy). I didn't hear anyone say she's almost 20 (you know, to soften stuff).

For me, my experience had taught me to choose a girlfriend very carefully and my personal wishes for a partner has also matured. I now wish for 'her' to be independent and don't want to be punt in this caretaker position. I want someone who I can build a life with, in stead of someone who still has to reach a point for that to start. (Am I making sense?)

Well, that's that :) Hope my comment doesn't start any rage comments :)
Replied By: betteboop on Jan 8, 2015, 4:04PM
Dr. Phil said something about going towards something that "had to be better" than what you have. He said his article in "O" magazine was about that.

I can't find it. Unfortunately, I deleted the show and can't go back to watch.

Does anyone remember which month his columm was in??
Replied By: sfrfmn on Dec 26, 2014, 10:17PM - In reply to upsydasy
She is determined to finish college; at least that's the impression I got.  I think she will be alright as long as she keeps her sense of and "be selfish" as Dr. Phil advises.

I hope he follows up on this story; I would love to hear about them after she has been in college a couple of years. (To tell the truth, I hope they work things out)

Replied By: sfrfmn on Dec 26, 2014, 10:00PM - In reply to alwaysaskeptic
It was simply a suggestuin that the girl try to experience first year college like anyone else. As I said, she is not likely to be anyone's doormat. I don't see much wrong with this relationship except the age gap. Look at it this way; if the relationship happens to survive (Dr. Phil gives it - what?  5% chance?) in 5 to 10 years, the age gap will not be so shocking.

Actually, I wish them the best of luck. The problems alleged on the show seem to be much less with her. She is a very mature woman for her age and might very well be the best thing to ever happen to him. I was merely suggesting some breathing room with no pressure from or to either one.

Sorry if I sounded like a dictator; that was not my intention.

Replied By: upsydasy on Dec 26, 2014, 6:46AM
Why do people keep citing their successful relationship as though they have anything in common with this this couple?  He is a 30 year old with a history of domestic abuse who already has a lifetime of experience under his belt such as numerous girlfriends, an ex-wife, a child and even some jail time thrown in for good measure.  She, on the other hand, is a 17 year old girl/child with mommy issues who still has her index finger still firmly wedged up her nose.  There is no way he will allow her to go to college, get a degree and eventually a better job than he has.  If this keeps up, she’ll be a single mother by the time she reaches the age of 21 with a McJob and lucky to be going to night school part-time.

Replied By: alwaysaskeptic on Dec 24, 2014, 2:49PM - In reply to sfrfmn
Sherry, do you have a set of rules for everybody to live by? Who are you to command that they may exchange greeting cards but not see each other? Your way or the highway? Laughable. Worry about your own life and keep your nose where it belongs.
Replied By: alwaysaskeptic on Dec 24, 2014, 2:44PM - In reply to donnalisa71
this is not a dating site. People here post comments and reply to other posters. The few profiles I have ever looked at are pretty much blank and I've never left a comment on one. I make enough of a a nuisance of myself by posting on the boards, lol. Happy Holidays!
Replied By: upsydasy on Dec 24, 2014, 6:58AM - In reply to donnalisa71
There’s no way for us to know when a new member has joined the community.  Some of us comment more than others and become acquainted to some extent through our opinions, but nothing else.  We mostly remain anonymous.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
Replied By: donnalisa71 on Dec 24, 2014, 12:15AM
iam very disappointed i joined the community and not 1 person has even looked at my profile no one has commented nothing thats a shame
Replied By: frugalladyga on Dec 23, 2014, 10:22PM
Dear Dr.  Phil: I felt this show was very informative, however I felt you were too harsh with this older lady.  As oldsters, we don't do well when we are yelled at, especially on national tv, when we have made a devestating mistake. Personally, i freeze when someone yells at me--i've always been like that. I understand your fustration, and concern but yelling at old women doesn't help them. Its bad enough she feels she is the object of ridicule and to be yelled at besides is too much. She is old enough to be your mother--a southern gentleman shows respect for his elders especially in a professional setting. No more yelling at old people, Dr. Phil. nan
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