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Karen and Tim say the last six years with their 24-year-old adopted son, Adam, have been a nightmare, and Tim wants to cut him out of their lives for good -- but Karen says she can’t give up yet. The parents say Adam has become angry and violent, has pulled a knife on them and threatened to get a gun. They also say Adam abuses drugs and alcohol and has been arrested multiple times -- including an arrest one week ago for felony drug-related charges. With Adam now facing seven years in jail, Karen and Tim post bail so he can meet with Dr. Phil, in an effort to turn his life around. Hear how Adam explains his destructive choices. Does he want to change? And, find out why Tim says he’s not hopeful that Adam will make a turnaround. Then, hear from Adam’s ex-girlfriend, Kristin, who calls him a “ticking time bomb.” How does Adam respond? When Dr. Phil offers him a lifeline, will he grab ahold? And, will both of his parents be willing to give him one more chance?

Find out what happened on the show.
Comments
Replied By: mariposa9 on Jun 26, 2014, 3:40AM - In reply to artkern
I missed the first part of the show so I don't know what was said about a dark room, but after having seen Adam's father and thinking Adam has borderline, you could't be more wrong. Staying in a dark room would imply that Adam has a choice in leaving it.. he does not. He is not capable of coming out! It is so very complex that even in psychiatry this disorder is hard to deal with. Yet from myperspective it is really quite simple: Adam has no mechanism to deal with his painful emotions, and no control over the behaviour (=his system's learnt defence mechanism) that stems from theseemotions. Addictions? = trying to numb the pain. Agression? = Temper tantrum. From frustration. From internal pain.  Spoilt?? You haven't a clue.  The void inside cannot be filled. By no amount of attention or love or material things. Adam, and whoever suffers from this is not in control of the urges that drive him. He looks for love, belonging, fullness, selfworth, emotional stability. It cannot be found...  He needs therapy to learn to cope with the emotions and to raise his selfworth. No amount of love can do that as long as he is sick. Could very well be that his father has the same disorder, but he wears a disguise: intelligence, a job, a wife, a suit. He may be a devil in disguise. Whatever Adam his behaviour displays, may be an exact copy of how his parents behaved in his childhood. He was shaped by this (mirror neurons were activated) except he is now outwardly seen as an adult, though he has the E.Q. of a child. What you see is basically a child who has not learnt to deal with his emotions in the past. Picture a child crying, being yelled at, being told to shut up, being told he is worthless. What will that create? An (age-wise!) adult who feels worthless INSIDE but yells and bullies, copied behaviour on the OUTSIDE...  It is the wellknow cycleof abuse carrying on through generations.
 
Replied By: mariposa9 on Jun 26, 2014, 3:20AM - In reply to mscounselor777
I agree with you, although there is also a genetic component, it is also important how Adam was raised and with a 'weak' mother and authoritarian ( abusive at least psychologically and maybe worse) father you could end up with very low self-esteem and emotional neediness in combination with dangerous agressiveness. See my other comment about Borderline Personality disorder.
 
Replied By: mariposa9 on Jun 26, 2014, 3:08AM
I don't know how old this show is, but it is now airing in the NL and what I am seeing to me looks like classic borderline personality disorder, why doesn't anyone else seem to see that! Even his labels ADD/ADHD/bipolar fall under that. His violence, his selfdestructive behavious, his needing his parents and pushing them away, his girlfriend walking on eggshells (that is even the exact title of a book on borderline)... So no he is NOT responsible for his actions!! His brain is wired differently, he (In my opinion...) has an EMOTION regulation disorder, he cannot handle his pain, his emptiness (also apt: one video on this page is called 'filling the void'...  He is in terrible pain and needs help. His father needs to realise that emotionally this child (the 'young adult part' is correct only for his biological age and intellectual side) is very young and if one could see that he is a child in an adult's body than all his violence and behaviour ARE temper tantrums. He cannot control that, not without psychiatric help. The last thing people should do is reject him. He needs coping skills.  The show I am watching has now progressed to referring him to a 'dual diagnosis' centre...

I think there is one diagnosis only: BPD. Addictions fall under that. Why am I writing this if the show has aired in the States a long time ago? Because I want to create awareness for people and relatives about this painful condition which is often misdiagnosed or not at all! BPD sufferers have many masks, they may look arrogant, narcissistic, abusive, suicidal, or extremely normal and intelligent  but inside they are all crumbling and empty, trying to deal with life which they are physically not capable of, no matter how much they try to blend in. Parents do not reject children like Adam but get them help, look underneath the anger.

I think an adopted child with BPD (caused by genetics and or upbringing/environment) would experience a emtiness even greater than a biological child would. As a male, Adam would display BPD in an external explosive way whereas women (lady Di, Marilyn Monroe) tend to implode more.
 
Replied By: caseylewis1 on Feb 16, 2014, 5:51PM
Unless you know the Miles both Tim and Karen as well as Adam, it is very difficult to judge. It is equally easy to cast judgement on people who have lived through unspeakable horror and emotional turmoil. I live in the same community as the Miles live. I have known them for many years. I coached Adam as a young man and know all of the kids he grew up with. There is much more here than meets the eye. Tim and Karen (both of them) were are and have been wonderful parents to Adam. They gave him everything materailly and emotionally as he was growing up. Adam along with many other young men his age in this town succumbed to drugs and partying. We as parents can only own so much in that process. Trying too hard to be good parents, and letting them grow up soft may be our only mistakes. But these young men, lots of them in this town have made the concious stupid decision to take drugs. It is those drugs that corrupt their mind. listening to Dr. Phil and his merry band of psychiatrists makes me sick to my stomach. These people all have an answer. Most of the time it involves more drugs and more of the same thing. Tim is right, it takes tough love and a swift kick in the ass to let Adam "bottom out' Then maybe Adam can appreciiate fully everything and every sacrifice these wonderful people gave him. And for what? To be tortured, ridiculed and made to feel that they somehow are to blame. BS Adam is to blame. And he needs to find the internal strength and fortitude to stop taking drugs, cleanse his body, mind and soul and apologize to everyone for his stupidity. I'm so sick as a parent watching the medical community practice on our children with drugs! That's the problem to begin with. For those of you out there over the age of 45, how many freinds do you remember being diagnosed in grade school with issues that required anxiety medication, tranquilizers and pain meds??? Come on people. Wake up! Stop listening to tel evangelst medical gurus. The place they sent Adam and all of them like it have a 90% failure rate! Check it out. Bravo both Tim and Karen. They must come together for their own lives and Adam needs to grow up. I am hopeful that he will find his way, but not if the medical community contnues to coddle his condition and exacerbate it with more medication. Adam like many of the other kids in this town can trace all of their issues to the day they starting toying with drugs. I bet you that if you did a graph chart of Adam's behavior it started at that point. He is a good kid from a good family. Drugs (prescribed drugs) are the issue in this town and in this country.
 
Replied By: goldenbeach on Feb 14, 2014, 9:04PM
You collected this baby from the hospital, you reared him, you are resposnsible for whatever his failings, if any.   He was not born with them.

What an unpleasant man is this father.  He has NO heart.  When the young man is well, he would be better off if he moved far away.
 
Replied By: strine on Feb 13, 2014, 11:45PM - In reply to mscounselor777
I said the father has a problem, then read your comment. He really is a big part of the problem here. Adam owns some too, but he's a young guy whose brain hasn't fully developed yet and doesn't know better like his father should. That father should know better than making outrageous statements based on 3yrs out of his son's life "I disown you because for 3yrs you weren't perfect". Did his son murder anyone? Were his threats real or hollow? Hollow.

Seems he just wanted that father to notice him and he knows how to get his attention is through bad behaviour since good behaviour didn't work either- never good enough behaviour I'm sure. Always a criticism attached, "Yeah son you hit the ball, but you could have done xyz to make it go further".  He always had a bad thing to say on the stage and never anything good about anything concerning Adam (things that I could see as a stranger to Adam). I just hope he doesn't harm himself and gets clean enough to realise he can have a good life of his own determined by himself rather than by his father's measuring stick.
 
Replied By: strine on Feb 13, 2014, 10:37PM
When Tim said he wished they went to a pound and picked up dogs instead of their son, I could see he is sick. I bet he was treating Adam poorly when he was smaller also due to him not being his biological son. Who compares their kid to a dog?

Why were they drugging him when he was smaller if he was the PERFECT kid they kept claiming he was? Not perfect enough for his "father"?

Adam's "father" there said he disowned him 3yrs beforehand. It's only been 6yrs since he "Went off the rails" according to them>>> It would take my kids A LOT longer than that to make me disown them when it took me almost half a lifetime to emotionally disown an alcoholic father who was NEVER there for me. I love my kids and their mistakes do not make them who they are any more than their successes make them who they are inside. 

How can a man get to the age that Tim is and not realise that saying things like he said is wrong? He was spouting impulsive BS like a teenager himself (stuff that I would laugh at if my kids said it). Did he always talk like that to his son in the privacy of their home? Not cleaning a room, not training at sport hard enough etc = I spout hurtful BS, turn my back and medicate you? Kids need to hear they're loved too and Tim should know it because I bet his Dad never said it to him either and he is too weak to tell his own son. 


If Adam dies after that barrage, you can bet Tim would be hating himself (either because he really did care or because everyone knows what he said) and he would own it too since he should know better. 


I can understand how futile this exercise of getting "better" would seem to Adam: What's the point of  spending the rest of his life trying to prove he's perfect for that guy when he spent his formative years trying to be perfect and IT DIDN"T WORK? He needs to find a reason of his own to get "better" that doesn't rely on someone else.

 
Replied By: mscounselor777 on Dec 29, 2013, 10:37PM
That 'father' is THE problem.  He is a bully, and I don't know how anyone can stand to be around him.  Hats off to 'that kid' for living with that 'monster' as long as he did.  On the show alone, the 'father' was emotionally abusive, cold, and narcissitic, and I don't know why that wasn't addressed.  Dr. Phil let him drill Adam for far too long, should've reigned 'dad' in a lot more.  I don't buy this as being a neurological problem either.  Like preacher's kids, it's not surprising that a boy raised by this kind of emotionally bad cop would have an equally extreme opposite nature.  Mom is way too weak... probably from living with cavedad for too long.
Obviously, Adam can manipulate, is a typical lying dope head now, and has done some very bad things, but 'dad' is such a huge jerk he can't even cover it up for a few minutes on national tv.  And I don't buy this whole, 'dad is just damaged' stick for one second... he's cold, sickening, and abusive.  Adam is a credit to this poor excuse for a 'father'.  He's brighter than both his parents, he's not crazy, and he's right, he does NOT need drugs, no matter what they poured down his little mouth during his vulnerable, formative years.  Society has failed him since birth; everyone has failed him.  His reaction is not surprising to me in the least. The whole schrade makes me sick.
 
Replied By: artkern on Dec 17, 2013, 9:48AM
Dr. Phil, you got this one completely wrong and the father was absolutely right. I think the show went well UNTIL DR PHIL'S DARK ROOM ANALOGY. To paraphrase Dr. Phil's analogy, if my son were trapped in a dark room and moved away from me every time I tried to help lead him out, I would eventually come to the conclusion that he didn't want my help and I'd step back and wait until he showed me he really wanted help getting out before I tried to offer any more. The father was right to say thet He's not going to offer any more help without seeing a real track record of positive effort. This kid is a manipulator who wants to blame everyone except himself for the fact that as a 24 year old man, he still acts like a spoiled child; if he were my son, I wouldn't give him anything else until he showed me that he was ready to grow up and be a man. Dr. Phil's diagnosis is to give this guy yet another reason why nothing is his fault, and put him in a situation where he can learn to be an even better manipulator. What he needs is a chance to experience the consequences of his actions, which apparently he hasn't had to do up to this point. Finally, his mother needs to stop enabling his behavior and get on board with his father for some real tough love. You took the wimpy way out this time, Doctor.
 
Replied By: artkern on Dec 17, 2013, 9:39AM
Dr. Phil, you got this one completely wrong and the father was absolutely right. I think the show went well UNTIL DR PHIL'S DARK ROOM ANALOGY. To paraphrase Dr. Phil's analogy, if my son were trapped in a dark room and moved away from me every time I tried to help lead him out, I would eventually come to the conclusion that he didn't want my help and I'd step back and wait until he showed me he really wanted help getting out before I tried to offer any more. The father was right to say thet He's not going to offer any more help without seeing a real track record of positive effort. This kid is a manipulator who wants to blame everyone except himself for the fact that as a 24 year old man, he still acts like a spoiled child; if he were my son, I wouldn't give him anything else until he showed me that he was ready to grow up and be a man. Dr. Phil's diagnosis is to give this guy yet another reason why nothing is his fault, and put him in a situation where he can learn to be an even better manipulator. What he needs is a chance to experience the consequences of his actions, which apparently he hasn't had to do up to this point. Finally, his mother needs to stop enabling his behavior and get on board with his father for some real tough love. You took the wimpy way out this time, Doctor.
 
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