2013 Shows

In a Dr. Phil exclusive, a 17-year-old football star accused of rape -- and the alleged victim -- speak out about how one alcohol-fueled night changed their lives in an instant. Matt says he and three friends were drinking at a party nearly nine months ago when the four boys had sex with a 16-year-old classmate. He claims she initiated the encounter and that the sex was consensual. Matt and the three boys are charged with second-degree rape, and Matt says his dreams of getting a college scholarship have been put on hold. How does he describe the events of that night? And, what, if anything, does he say he’d do differently? Then, hear from the alleged victim, who is speaking out for the first time. What does she recall happening that night? And, how has the ordeal impacted her life? Plus, Matt’s parents, Dianne and Mark, insist their son is innocent and say they believe the alleged victim is out for attention. Dr. Phil has a powerful message for the couple. This program contains strong sexual content. Viewer discretion advised.

Find out what happened on the show.
Replied By: katerine on Nov 24, 2014, 9:46PM
When it comes to this case, I don't actually think a rape occurred... and no, it's not because I think the girl somehow had it coming, or that I think she's lying (their stories actually seemed to match, to me).

It's because nobody, including the girl, is claiming that the boys 
used their superior physical strength, or their numbers, to force her to have sex. And in every other respect (money, ability to leave, choices to drink or not drink, ability to make sound judgements), it appears they were all equal. From what I could tell from watching (or rather, listening to) the episode, all were equally inebriated. All freely chose to drink. Nobody plied anybody else with drink or drugs, or at least nobody claimed on the show that it happened. According to the only ones who remember, all were equally willing, at the time. They were all equal.

In my book, where there is equality, there can be no rape. Rape requires that the rapist a) have some sort of power over the other person (and the "power" can be of any number of kinds, up to and including the power to make sound decisions), that b) they actively take advantage of.
Replied By: katerine on Nov 24, 2014, 9:43PM
Sorry this is so late. I just got back to the forums. Saw this episode some time ago, but it's still sticking in my mind. I really, really think that DP said one thing that was very, very wrong.

When it was pointed out to him that men can be raped as well as women, DP "corrected" them and said that men can be "persuaded." No, actually, they can be raped. As a woman, just thinking of this since this morning, I could think of, like, 10 means that a woman could conceivably use, to rape a man. Drugs. Weapons. Extortion. Fraud. Sexual harrassment by a female employer. Threatening loved ones. Talking them into a compromised position and taking advantage of the fact that erections are mostly involuntary responses to external stimuli. Conking them over the head, tying them up, and plying them with Viagra.

Eight. That's eight ways that I thought of, just since I started thinking about it earlier today. And each and every one of those ways, if used to coerce sex, is rape, and each and every way is just as possible for a woman to do to a man, as it is for a man to do to a woman.

And that's not even counting the ways that men can rape men.

Statistically, women get raped by men far more often than the other way around, of course. But men can, and do, get raped as well, and for DP to even imply otherwise on national TV, plays into the same popular misconception that causes male rape victims to not be able to come forward.

That last way (with the Viagra), btw, was from a scene in True Blood. Where it was played off as a joke, in spite of the clear fact that it was an obvious gang rape. "That Jason, he's such a man-slut." And yes, True Blood is fantasy, but that's not to say that (minus the 50 different women) a woman can't do that to a man in real life. Viagra does exist in the real world, as do beds, straps, and things with which to conk somebody. I'd be surprised to learn that it hasn't ever happened IRL. Most of the above examples have been shown on TV, actually (that's why they were able to come immediately to mind), and more often than not, it's treated as a joke. Which is all the more reason why DP needs to not play into the idea that the concept of men being raped is some sort of joke!

Now, do I think the woman raped the guys in this case? No, but that's a different matter. My objection is with DP practically claiming that men can't be raped at all.
Replied By: regular_guy on Sep 10, 2014, 5:00PM - In reply to shyviolets
Yes Let's talk about consent – but a table of rules for both sexes, shall we?

A. Agreed that “in most circumstances you can not legally give consent at age 16.”

B. “You can not give consent under the influence of drugs or alcohol no matter what your age.” But are we referring to partially inebriated or unconscious. This involves two different issues. Should someone be unconscious obviously consent cannot be given. However should either sober party (for reasons of his/her own) attempt to influence the inebriated other into consent and use the social fallout for their own purposes, does that constitute rape. Okay sounds good.

  1. “You don't need to say "No" or "STOP" if you don't say "YES" it's automatically NO.” Most don't ask for a definite verbal yes. For the most part visual signals and verbal allusions suffice. The key here is, however, a verbal “No!” or physical resistance as the line over which one does not cross. Crossing that line indicates rape not a verbal consent – and preferably, for all males, in the present climate, is wise to make sure witnesses are present.

  1. “Just because you said "YES" once, doesn't mean it's "YES" always, if you don't say "YES" in the current situation, it's rape” (See C. above)

E. “Just because you're attracted to someone and want to have sex with them, it doesn't mean they're "asking for it" or "wanting it" you do, unless they say "I wanna have sex with you" you can't assume anything just because of how you feel.” (See B. above)
Replied By: nzder110 on Feb 1, 2014, 5:29PM
The first thing I did after watching this show was sit down with my two tweens, a boy and a girl, and talk to them about underage sex, underage drinking, consent and being in potentially dangerous situations.  If you ask my opinion, was it a rape, my answer is undoubtably yes.  I think that the boys set it up that way, lying about who was going to be at the party, providing alcohol and drinking shots really quickly to make her drunk asap, then immediately proceeding to having sex even though she wasn't conscious most of the time. Then taking photos and spreading them around the school.  They probably didn't think what they were doing was rape, because it didn't involve a stranger in a dark alley.  The girls mistake was not being aware she was in a dangerous situation ((probably because she thought the boys where friends, she had hung out with them before with no problems) and drinking so much that she passed out.  Maybe I am old fashioned, or maybe boys today watch too much porn, but I can't imagine any situations where a young 16 year old girl wants to have sex with four school friends at once, have her photo taken doing it, and have that spread around the school.   The very nature of the situation implies rape for me.  It is very hard for me to imagine a girl consenting to that treatment.  I think the girls comments about Tyler mean, not that she was trying to make him jeolous, but that she trusted him, and was shocked that he would participate in a gang rape situation, and not protect her.
Replied By: rdhdpb0530 on Jan 11, 2014, 12:17AM
I have meant to comment on this show for awhile, but kept forgetting.  This family made me sick.  For that father, who professes to be a police officer, to set up there and cover for that kid was deplorable.  I guarantee if that was his daughter, instead of his son, it would have been a different story.  Then he has the nerve to say his son had a good Christian upbringing, I reckon it means something different to him, then it does to me.  Fact is, his kid has had no upbringing, or this would not have happened.  I'm sure the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  The mother thinks its because the kid is so good looking, and the father thinks it's because he is a big football star??  What am I missing??  Unless you have a signed contract with the NFL, you are not a big football star, even then, I am not impressed.  A "STAR" would not have allowed this to happen.  So much for grace under pressure. Holier than thou hyprcrites.
Replied By: kathyincali on Jan 10, 2014, 12:05AM - In reply to dcaussie
You DON'T know what happened so WHY would you be sympathetic to Matt? And as far as being "fine" after 3-4 shots, it depends on the person! You may be much more tolerant to alcohol than a young high school girl who doesn't drink frequently! It also has to do with her size, weight, how much food she had in her stomach... I guess you felt good by sharing your experiences, but like YOU said, you were not ther so you have NO idea what happened or how 3-4 shots affects a teenage girl.
Replied By: kathyincali on Jan 9, 2014, 11:58PM
These parents make me sick! They have NO IDEA what happened that night, how dare they bad mouth that girl! That's it, teach your son to lie and be vocal about it and back him up...nice job! Their son is NOT as "big" of a football "star" as they think he is.. Ha ha In fact he's not a "star" at all! They really believe that the girl is lying to bring down this "star". So sad to see parents behaving badly and encouraging their son to do the same! They should all be ashamed, especially the father if he's a cop!
Replied By: sassyduck on Dec 5, 2013, 11:02PM
I have an only daughter and have always talked to her about being careful and not allowing herself to be in a vulnerable position. Unfortunately there are always people in this world who will take advantage of vulnerable people. The girl should have been able to trust these boys but that is not the real world.Their behaviour was and is disgraceful.  Parents of teens please tell your teens you will always be there to pick them up no matter what time or what state they are in. As for his parents WHAT ARE THEY THINKING? There are consequences for poor behaviour. He is now experiencing them. If his parents don't help him accept what he did was wrong then they will be seeing a lot more court cases.
Replied By: dcaussie on Dec 4, 2013, 8:58PM
Firstly, I would like to say I was not there and we will probably never know exactly what went on that night but unlike dr Phil who is no doubt leaning toward the girls side of the story. My friend and I have had a similar experience and I am strongly sympathetic to Matt and his friends.

A bit of background: i am 25 year old male. I have had group sex on many occasions and it is becoming more and more common (FFM, MMF.) Almost all of my sexual experiences occur when both parties are drunk. There are many occasions where I wake up and I do not remember having sex, this does NOT mean I was raped. I would also like to point out that I have a masters in geology and consider myself an average 25yr old...this is how the world is today for most 16-28yr olds.

On 2 separate occasions I've had friends accused of rape in very similar circumstances to matts. The common factor to all the stories on both dr Phil and my friend is that photos were taken and passed around to piers. This is unfortunate and degrading for the girl and should not happen, however this seems to be the point where the girl/parents decided they were raped. Yes this is going to be very embarrassing for the girl but it does not mean she can cry rape and destroy the lives of the boys as well if the sex was consensual.

if you want to do something about this problem you will need to look at educating teens on social media, photographing someone without their knowledge etc. if apps like snap chat continue this will only get worse. No matter how well you know the boy if you send him a naked photo he will show his mates!!! You make think ive gone away from the real problem but I believe that the rape probably did not occur but the embarrassment of the photos is the real problem here.

Also I would like to say after 3-4 shots of vodka you may be legally drunk but it's unlikely you would be passing out and forgetting everything of relevance to the "rape"...
Replied By: goldenbeach on Dec 4, 2013, 6:45PM - In reply to lavender222
What have "marks on her body" have to do with anything?
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