2013 Shows

Charlotte’s ex-boyfriend, Gary, has been charged with the first-degree murder of 20-year-old Heather, and Charlotte says she blames herself. She accuses Gary of victimizing her physically and sexually for years and claims she failed to tell the whole truth to prosecutors when Gary was charged with first-degree assault with a deadly weapon against her, thereby allowing him to serve minimal jail time. Now, hear from a lead investigator in Heather’s case -- can Charlotte help prosecutors -- and will she? Then, Charlotte’s former live-in nanny makes another allegation against Gary that she says happened when she was just a teen. What did Charlotte know? And, Charlotte’s husband, Race, says his wife is hung up on her abusive past and their marriage is suffering. Can Dr. Phil help save this union? If you are the victim of domestic violence, tune in to find out what you must do to protect yourself.

Find out what happened on the show.
Replied By: loyalalways on Jul 16, 2013, 10:50PM - In reply to username17816
Don't judge someone unless you've walked in their shoes. It's a known fact that women being abused are truly afraid to leave. They're either threatened that they'll be killed or they've been warned that a family member will be killed.  It's easier said than done to just up and leave. If you were in the same situation, you would be no different. Abusers are experts at manipulation. People need to be more compassionate toward abused women. They aren't staying in the situation because they enjoy it.
Replied By: loyalalways on Jul 16, 2013, 10:45PM - In reply to mharris732
I'm very sorry about what your grandfather did to your family. I hope that Dr. Phil reads your message and can get you the help yor family needs. Nobody should have to live in fear of ANYBODY.

As for the couple in the story, I thought Dr. Phil handled the whole thing with a lot of compassion. I'm glad he was able to convince the husband that he wasn't being fair to his wife. PTSD isn't something that just goes away because someone else says 'get over it'.

Too many people are very quick to judge before they know or understand the full story. I'm sure that this husband thought he was doing what he was supposed to do. However, he was just making things worse for her. I'm hope he'll be much more considerate of her feelings from here on.
Replied By: sharonhead on Jul 15, 2013, 11:09PM
Dr. Phil, I am so glad you have decided that she has PTSD.    I went through the PTSD but it took me 10 years when I met my new husband in 1981.  I started being a "crazy" woman to my husband and treating him really badly.  We finally went to therapy (thanks to the Houston Police Dept. Psych. Services).  The Dr. t here said I was doing to him before he did to me because I had PTSD.  I had been in a bad abusive marriage years earlier.  So we both began to go to therapy and I learned to th ink before I acted and really treat h im like the wonderful man he was.  We now have been married 31 years and have a wonderful  marriage.  Her husband just need to be patient and go to the therapy that she and he need and they might be fine,.
Replied By: mharris732 on Jul 15, 2013, 7:46PM
My children's maternal grandfather is a ku klux klansman, and a governent informant. The Justice Department has targeted both me and my children for years. Most recently I have been unable to work in my profession as a pilot as my FAA records have been tampered with. I have been targeted by the IRS, DOJ, and FAA with crimes against my family putting our family in crisis. Both of my sons suffer Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from being victims to and witness to brutal crimes including kidnapping, human trafficking, and witness to murder. I need to get my story out for the safety of my family as the stalking has resumed by this serial killer even after we moved to another state.
Replied By: username17816 on Jul 15, 2013, 7:37PM
I don't want to sound cruel, but if a man was so abusive to me, beating me, leaving me naked and chained out side, there is no way I would not call the police and leave him. She told Dr phil she had no where to go, but when the boyfriend became abusive toward their son, she went to her parent's home. She is weak and without much backbone...she needs help. Plus she foolishly gave money to his mother to help bail him out?!! Unreal!
Replied By: ordinaryhuman on Jul 15, 2013, 6:35PM - In reply to jenkeelty
One of the saddest things about humans is that people who hurt others rarely change.  The reason for this is that they have to endure some psychological pain in order to accept responsibility for what they have done.  It is easier to dump the hurt on the other.
Replied By: skyway2ls on Jul 15, 2013, 5:33PM - In reply to schwarzgeri
Pray about this and ask God to repair this problem for you.  Let go of it and ask God to take care of it for you.  Give it some more time, but remember to pray repeatedly for God's hand to touch down on this situation.  He can fix it for you.  He can't fix the past, but He can help you with the kids.  Pray and really, really let it go - give it up to Him.  God does good work with impossible situations.
Replied By: skyway2ls on Jul 15, 2013, 5:29PM - In reply to suesromeo
Good for you!  Thanks for sharing about this form of therapy and the fact that you can get well. - Sherry
Replied By: skyway2ls on Jul 15, 2013, 5:26PM - In reply to alih5308
Please read my message I wrote entitled "To Charlotte."  I got through this and have finally been able to handle the PTSD.  There is a program called "Emotions Anonymous" and you might see if there is a chapter in your area.  Also, did the person who abused you drink?  If so, you can go to Al-Anon, which is a 12 step program for the families of alcoholics and uses the same format as AA.  Again, read my message to Charlotte.  You can get better - you really can.
Replied By: skyway2ls on Jul 15, 2013, 5:22PM
Like you, I was in a horribly abusive relationship many years ago when I was in my late 20s.  At the end of this violent, sick relationship he held me captive for four months, raping, beating and almost killing me every single day and night.  I was finally able to get out of the situation because I started screaming one day and couldn't stop.  He had always told me the only way I was getting out of the relationship was either by dying or being ruined so badly no man would ever want me.  When he thought I was ruined he finally dropped me at my mother's house.  I was very, very, very sick by the time I got away from him and for many years afterward.  I was also very, very, very sick to have gotten into a relationship with someone like that in the first place.  

Nobody held me, nobody cared, and I had to go on and carve out a life.  I got into AA two years later and that has been a really good influence on my life and assisted me greatly in my quest for mental health and a good life.  After many years in AA I was able to let go of the intense anger I had toward my ex.  He went on to a life in and out of (mostly in) prison.  I went on to remarry and have a very good life.  I had a whopping case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for many years.  I didn't just "get over it" right away - it took about 10-12 years, Charlotte.  My husband was very caring and loving in the beginning, but after a while it became a bit of a bore to hear about the abuse.  It wasn't that he didn't care, but he wasn't going to feed into it.  He was a healthy guy and wanted to be happy.

Mainly, as much as I was justified in my anger toward my ex, I worked the Serenity Prayer.  God grant me th serenity to accept the things I cannot change (I can't change anyone else, anything they say, anything they do or what they think), the courage to change the things I can (I can change my attitude, the things I do and say and the way I think), and the wisdom to know the difference.  That is what the prayer means to me.  I asked God to help me let go of trying to change anyone else, to help me focus on changing myself and to know better when faced with a situation that baffled me at first.

I finally had to get down to brass tacks.  If I had never gotten together with my abuser, I never would have been beaten and abused.  It really was MY fault that I took myself into that situation.  I knew he was messed up, but I decided to take a chance with him for a variety of reasons, most especially because I drank and smoked pot.  Stupid me.  When I could get my focus off of him with my anger and redirect my energy toward looking at MY part in this tragedy, then I could change my attitude.  I could see how stupid I had been.  And then I could even laugh at what an idiot I had been.  When I took responsibility for doing this to myself, thats when I was able to let go of the anger and let go of the past.

This doesn't mean he was without responsibility for this.  Sure...he deserved to have someone be mad at him for the rest of his life.  But I wasn't willing to be that girl.  I want to have a happy life and I am willing to go to any lengths to be mentally healthy, to have a healthy family, to be okay, and to be a good wife and mother.  Its not my daughter's fault that I made such a stupid decision and dragged her through all of that anguish.  The least I could do was let go of the anger and work on me.  That was the least I could do for my little girl (now 34).

You are gong to move beyond this, Charlotte.  Your life is going to be good.  Your family is worth it.  And husbands - even really great husbands - can be unfeeling, at times.  Don't let it hurt you.  Just keep moving forward toward mental health.  Eventually you will be okay and he will settle right in with you, don't you think?  God bless you - Sherry
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