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2013 Shows

 
(Original air date 04/09/13) Sue says her husband of 12 years, Andy, is verbally abusive and that she’s so scared of him, she remains submissive -- including getting drunk and having sex with him -- to keep the peace. She says, “If he’s going to kill me, he’s going to kill me. I feel like I’m already dead.” So, why is she worried that Andy will leave her? Andy admits that he can be a bully, loses his temper and calls Sue vile names, but he says the duties of a wife are to have sex, cook and clean -- and Sue doesn't carry her weight around the house. After breaking up numerous times, why do they keep reuniting? And, hear from Sue’s two adult children. What do they say contributes to the chaos in their mom and Andy’s relationship? Is there hope for this couple’s marriage, or should they cut ties?

Find out what happened on the show.
Comments
Replied By: menrule on Nov 1, 2013, 3:23AM
Exactly the way the women need to be.

Why the hell fix it if it ain't broke.

 
Replied By: diamonddiva on Aug 8, 2013, 11:47AM - In reply to merecosta
Your comment is beautiful & on spot, but you forget one thing. We're all only human.She isn't going to leave him (IF she leaves him) because of what we have to say, no matter how many of us are speaking from past experience. She'll leave when SHE has had enuff, or when he begins to abuse their kids or other family members or friends. Some women are just too weak, too beat down to get the nerve up to leave. Its not up to us to beat our heads against a brick wall and break our own hearts trying to help someone who isn't going to help herself.  All we can do is hope she gains some common sense and a sense of self-preservation, or we'll be sitting here shaking our heads in sadness at an update re her death.
 
Replied By: stitchsam on Aug 8, 2013, 6:50AM
I don't get home in time from work to watch your show, but the other day I did catch just the last statement you made to this couple.  I looked up that show and read the transcript of their difficulties.  Although my issue is not  quite like theirs, I do find myself shrinking away from the anger of a spouse.  And I often feel defeated and unnecessary.  But your statement of: "...you don't own his behavior, but you own yours..."  really was a jolt and the more I thought about it, the more I appreciated it.    I do take on my spouses' behavior and not only let him pile it on me, I continue to do so to myself by taking on that behavior.    That one statement has given me a better outlook, and is a piece of information that I feel I can hold on to.   Thank you.
 
Replied By: mfbeenthere on Aug 7, 2013, 6:26PM - In reply to lauragonza
I agree, but playing the ROLE of victim makes her an antagonist, not an actual victim. The only two true victims of that relationship are their children.
 
Replied By: merecosta on Aug 7, 2013, 3:21PM
Sue,

Watching you just within the first few minutes, I couldn't get here and reach out fast enough.

I saw so much of myself ten years ago in you as you spoke to Dr. Phil. I was an abuse victim, and so much of what your husband does and says to you rings painfully familiar for me.

Before I say anything else, I feel that it is crucial that I say this even though I know you will not be able to believe it right now -- you ARE beautiful, and you are NOT at fault! NO ONE has the right to mistreat and abuse you, no matter what their role in your life. As your husband, he is supposed to love, honor, respect, and protect you, not belittle, demean, degrade, and use you. You are not his slave. HE is wrong. 100% utterly, completely, and totally at fault.

My heart is breaking for you as I watch you on the show. I can feel the tears choke off in my throat hearing your story. I understand; so, so much I understand. I know you're afraid he will leave, and I understand that he has broken your confidence and security down so much that you fear you would be nothing without him, when it's just the opposite. It's never "their intention" to do what they do - that's not an excuse. There IS no excuse; no excuse in this world that could EVER make the way he treats you acceptable.

You are beautiful. You are beautiful and capable. You deserve SO much more! I wish so much that I could just reach out and talk to you, offer you friendship. I've worked as a domestic violence/rape/crisis counselor, and I want so much to help. You don't deserve to live this way. You should never, ever have to fear the man who is supposed to love you. You're precious, and you deserve to be and feel loved and safe.

I don't know if this will post, but please.. please please.. if you want to talk to someone who has been there and understands, please don't hesitate to email me (frompassiontopaper@gmail.com).

If not, just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. You're worthy and important, and you deserve to be treated that way.

May the gods bless you, sweet lady. I hope the darkness clears soon. There are many resources available to help you. You CAN do it. You CAN take your life back.. and you deserve that!

With wishes for your safety and happiness soon..

Meredith
 
Replied By: diamonddiva on Aug 7, 2013, 1:48PM - In reply to basil7070
Counseling & a controlling church, the opiate of the masses, will NOT help people who don't want help.
 
Replied By: diamonddiva on Aug 7, 2013, 1:44PM - In reply to nikahinton
You say you're in the performing arts (does that matter?) & are acting happy in a marriage you say is close to the 1 profiled on the show-WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? You think your kids can't feel the stress in the home? You CAN'T act that well, believe me-kids are smarter than you give them credit for. Leaving your kids "fatherless" if you leave? Excuses excuses. What you're doing is participating in child abuse, cos what that man does to you is the worst form of child abuse a man can do-hurt his children's mother. And you literally give him permission to do those things to you, & by extension, your kids. I'd have kissed my mother's FEET if she had divorced the drunken SOB who beat us all to varying degrees! You leave your kids right in the middle of it-for shame. Any daughters you have will grow up to be spineless victims to be who will look for & find a man just like daddy. Your sons? They'll BE daddy-is that what you want for the children who depend on YOU for love & safety?I was the child of a "mother" like you & I found men just like daddy-I'm permanently disabled now thanks to their "love".


If your kids have issues in the future, look in the mirror for the answer......
 
Replied By: suefredbzb on Aug 7, 2013, 8:35AM
I thought this show was a big disappointment the first time around.  So much fertile ground to explore and help with, so many people in this situation (even without alcohol)  He acted surprised that alcohol was part of the mix.  How could this have been a surprise, with all of the research they do for each show?  Very superficial solutions for a serious (even dangerous) situation.  Seems to me "dissociation" is a big deal!  Telling the husband, "You're better than this" was really lame.  He may be, but it looked like a slap on the wrist for someone who has some really serious issues.  Dr. Phil was surprised that after 12 seconds of the husband owning some of the problem they were fighting again; but didn't even mention that during those 12 seconds he was only excusing himself for what he does.
 
Replied By: lauragonza on Aug 7, 2013, 8:06AM - In reply to bluerabbit
Dr. Phil used to send couples home to therapists. He seems to be sending eveyone home with a copy of his book -- which is much cheaper than a therapist and helps make his book a "best seller".

Andy and Sue both need therapy and, on Sue's side, meds.
 
Replied By: lauragonza on Aug 7, 2013, 8:01AM - In reply to mfbeenthere
Victims can't be responsible for their actions or they'd cease to be victims. Sue has taken on the role of victim. It's part of her self-identify.
 
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