I can sympathize with you and the issues you are experiencing right now. It is a hard road to go down, but it is possible to pull through. There are lots of people who watched the show rooting for you! I am 28yrs old, a nurse, and married with a 2yr old son. From the time I was 16yrs old to 19yrs old I was in a bad relationship with my boyfriend. He would abuse me emotionally and physically. I had past family issues myself, and felt that he was the only would who would want to be with me, and my self esteem became lower the longer the relationship went on. The relationship was always on again and off again. We became engaged when I was 19yrs old and were married for just 2 months before I annuled the marriage. He wasn't the right man for me, and I knew it deep down in, but felt trapped by my emotions. He beat me badly one night once we were married (worse than any time before), and that was the wake up call it took for me to walk out of the relationship (I had accepted all of his mistreatment prior). I was going to school to be nurse, and when he beat me badly I realized that I could hae died or been injured and been unable to realize all my dreams in life (like a family with children, being a nurse and helping people, etc). I didn't get support from many family members and had to make my way and hold my head high with just a couple of people in support of me. It was such a rough first year after I left him and refused to take him back.   

After that first year life became better than I had imagined was possible when with my ex. I learned to respect and admire myself as a human being with potential, regardless of what others thought. I was strong and proud on my own. I saw that when someone cares for you, they don't play hurtful games, and you are truly precious in their eyes. I met my husband towards the end of college, and we are happily married (for 5yrs now). My relationship with my husband compared to my ex is like night and day. There is no comparison!

Work on making yourself into the woman you want to be, and heal your past wounds so you can be glorious in your future. When you heal and grow into yourself as a grown woman (own yourself and be proud!), then all the pieces of what you desire in life will fall into place. That knight in shining armour will show up when it is the right time, if that is what you still want of course!

Care for yourself... you are precious, beautiful, and intelligent! You should expect no less! I remember people would tell me, "you are young, there is plenty of time, don't worry, there are more fish in the sea". I would in turn think, "well, I think it still hurts like hell regardless of being young or not!" Instead I would think more from the standpoint that you are priceless, and shouldn't settle for less.I found seeing things that way made more sense to me personally than pretending like the situation should be easier to go away from because I was young and time was on my side.

I will be sending many thoughts and prayers your way because the future is open so wide for you, and it would be wonderful to see you embrace it and claim what is yours. Keep chugging along day by day and stay strong. It has been almost 10yrs years since I left a situation I thought I couldn't, and I wake up each day thankful and filled with joy that I carried on, healed myself, and opened my heart to the rest of my life. My wish for you is that in 10yrs you will wake up with joy too, happy about how things went in your life so far. Good for you for going on Dr. Phil! It shows how much courage you contain. God bless (:

I registered just for the sole purpose of leaving this comment to Victoria.  I am an avid Dr. Phil watcher, but watching this episode tugged at my heartstrings.  Four years ago I was engaged when my fiance walked in the door and told me he just couldn't "do this anymore."  I packed up my stuff and moved out... but was very much like Victoria.  Not to that extent, but I would call, text, etc.  And he was very much like her ex - playing with my emotions.  This went on for about 9 months during which time I was very depressed until I decided enough was enough and cut off all communication with him.  It was hands down the BEST decision I have ever made... I took the power back from him.  I heard somewhere that thinking about your ex is giving them the right to occupy your mind... so I tried not to think about him.  I hung out with my friends and family and worked on ME for a few years.  I realized I was so much happier single than I was when I was with my ex.  It really was a toxic relationship.  I'm happy to say I DID find my true love and we were married last month.  I couldn't be happier!  I wouldn't take that relationship back, even though it was the hardest experience of my life.  My husband treats me like gold and I love him more than anything.  But I feel like I love him just a little bit more because of everything I went through to find him.  :)  I just wanted you to know others have been in the same situation and have come out on the other side!!  Hang in there!

Before you know it won't bother you anymore. Look he's maturing now and seeing someone else. Nathan is not the only person in this world. You will just have to say  hell with Nathan. There will be other men out there who will love you and respect you and satisfy you. You can't expect everyone to satisfy you. You have got to do your part in satisfying yourself and helping yourself look don't cry over him  You will realize that he was not who he was.



Leave him alone!   

He has his own life seeing someone else he has other taste  other interest  you are not in the picture.


I would suggest you get rid of your pictures of  Nathan because no boyfriend of yours  would want to sit around  knowing your previous relationships     He won't be as good looking when he gets older because tomorrow  will be another day  for you. Tomorrow you will be a different person.

I am a special education teacher.  I teach children on the autism spectrum.  OCD is a VERY key component to many on the spectrum.  If she has two brothers on the autism spectrum, there is a very high chance that she is probably on the spectrum - likely so high functioning that she may not seem like she is on the spectrum at all.  However, if she is obsessing about something, she really should investigate the possibility that she has a form of autism.  All of my students have some form of OCD, some are more intense than others, but they all have a form of it.  It's a very common attribute of children on the spectrum.


This relationship is not about love, at all.  It's about obsession.  It's not about this specific person, or whether she loves him, it's about her compulsive need to have him, even though her reasons are irrational.  Please consider the OCD/spectrum relationship to your feelings - It might not be related at all, but I find it really hard to believe it's not.  *One sidenote, children who are have autism, usually have parents who are on the high-functioning scale of the spectrum (more often fathers), which could explain his ability to send her to be raised by relatives.  It might be easier for her to accept by knowing her father may be on the spectrum, himself.  Odds are, he is.


Dr. Phil, your book is probably very helpful to many people, but *if she is on the spectrum, she probably needs an additional form of treatment, otherwise she's going to start showing signs of OCD in other aspects of her life. 

Just my two-cents.  When I heard she had brothers on the spectrum, my experience in special education immediately urged me to post this. 

Wow.  Are you serious with that reply?  Not only was it completely unhelpful, but also heartless, arrogant and said nothing that I don't already know.  Please don't lay out the painfully obvious, as if I haven't already heard it before or thought it before myself.  I went on here to share my story, and I certainly wasn't asking for you to give me your "expert" advice which wasn't advice at all, only criticism, and from someone who has no room to really talk.  Do you think telling me to read books is something I haven't done already?  Do you really think I don't know already that after this many years clearly this is about me?  I admitted in my own message that I clearly have obsession issues so I know it's about me.  You have some nerve lecturing me as if this is something I can just "make the decision to get over and move on with".  If only it were that simple I wouldn't be here all these years later sharing my story.  Obviously I know this is some deep psychological issue going on with me....I just don't know what it is or how to let it go, and believe me I've tried everything including hypnotherapy.  I have seen therapists, read books, you name it.  I only went on here to post (for the first time) to share my story and I cetainly didn't need some condescending patronizing response from someone like you who has your own issues (you admitted yourself) or telling me that someone from a third world country would gladly take my place.  It's all relative and what might seem trivial to some is deep and real pain to others.  I'm not so ignorant as to not realize my life could be worse, or that starving to death is obviously more serious than what I went through, but I'm not going to deny that my pain and my experience is very much real for me, so don't invalidate my experience just like I wouldn't invalidate your own experience with anxiety and obsession.  Sadly you would think someone like you would have a little more compassion for people who deal with major depression, but clearly you don't.  Just be sure not to put your number on the "call for help" list when someone is on the brink, because you are the last person anyone should turn to for help, compassion, advice or, God forbid, understanding without judgment.  Please don't bother replying if all you know how to do is personally attack someone.  This is not the site for that.  Find another place where you can criticize people for their human failures, and you can relish in your freedom to attack people when they're already down (anonymously, of course).  I certainly don't need it.

Dr. Phil, i have to agree.  You dropped the ball on this one.What she needs is a compassionate friend who will listen to her and be a shoulder to lean on for her.What she doesnt need is for you to tell her to get real or she can leave.Obviously  you have never been in this situation.As far as her reading your book, She cant eat or sleep, she certainly isnt going to read a book.She is in no condition to do that.You can't concentrate for more than 5 minutes when you are going though this.Hang in there Victoria, prayers are with you.

She is a pedophile that belongs in prison!

Absolutely disgusting!!  She is a pedophile and belongs in prison.  I hope the judge gives her the maximum sentence and she spends every day in prison.  As for T.J, I hope that he grows up while she is gone and he moves on.  I'm willing to bet that by the time she is released from prison, not only will she be an old woman, but he will have moved on and met another girl by that point.

I watched this episode and it could have been me! The difference is, I am 58 years old. I don't think some of you realize how hard it is to let go when you have abandonment issues. I felt like Dr. Phil talked to Victoria like this was no big deal, I think he said something like, "Make the decision to stop." If only it were that easy. I just felt like this was taken way too lightly. I don't think you would understand unless you've been through it. It does take over your life, you can't eat or sleep, it is a horrible feeling to be so out of control. I really think this poor girl was so crying out for help and was made to feel like it was nothing, really, kind of told to just get over it.It just isn't that easy when this obsession overtakes you. I have been in therapy for 3 years now and am finally learning how to let go. It is a difficult process and my heart breaks for Victoria and the many others that live life with abandonment or attachment issues. I know she will get the help she needs and I'm happy about that but I really think Dr. Phil should look at this as a much more serious issue, because it is.

I watch Dr. Phil every day and when today's episode started, I thought ugh -- not sure I want to waste my time on this.  But, surprisingly after only a few minutes, I found your story compelling and really sad because you don''t know that everyone experiences rejection. You've been through so much at a very young age, but your mother, and especially Nathan, should just be a blip on your screen.  Your mother is the one that's missing out on having a loving relationship.  If she couldn't make amends with you until this point, she's the one that's not worth pursuing. Foster your relationship with your adoptive mother who cares for you and loves you. You're young and have so much ahead of you with happy and loving relationship somewhere down the road.   Go to college, live the life that a 19 year old should.  Have fun, meet new friends, meet new guys and most of all get yourself started for a successful life where you don't have to depend on anyone else but yourself for happiness. You really need to do this for yourself because you'll see how you'll become stronger, more self-assured and your life will take on a new dimension.  I have to tell you that you are endearing, sweet, beautiful and your laughter is like an angel's.  I think that you have a rare "something" that  is engaging and very charming.  Take advantage!  Take charge!  You can do it  -- don't  let someone else dictate your happiness.