I totally understand how you feel.  And it sucks.  I hope your children finally accepted that you did the best you could and loved you for it!

There was something off about this woman.  She cried at the drop of a hat and then could turn it off just as quickly.  Furthermore, did anyone notice that, even though she had a LOT of mascara, not one bit of it ran down her face with all those "tears."  That's because there were no tears.  Just a lot of fake sobs and tissue to her face.  Sorry, but I just didn't buy it.

I agree completely with you.  This woman appeared to me to be a total fake.  She could burst into "tears" at at moment's notice, and then turn them off just as quickly.  Furthermore, if I was wearing all that eye makeup and crying as much as she was, there would be mascara running down my cheeks with those tears!

What gets me is that this woman has 5 kids and first of all where is her husband? Where are the Dad(s) to these kids?  The men that dont play a role or play a role in their kids lives need to be featured more on Dr.Phil episodes so that we are getting a better picture of their role in the situation and why they are there or not there. Also, if this woman is so protective and anxious about every little move/thing her children do, why is her 19 or 20 year old pregnant? Why is she now a sad statistic of a teen mom? Wouldnt the mom think Hmmmm..... maybe I need to get my daughter on birthcontrol b.c I dont want want her to ruin her life this young and I want her to get educated an not be another statistic of disadvantaged low ( on the totem pole)  socioeconomic level people. I get that she had childhood problems but people need to stop blaming others and visiting their emotional problems are others. It is my childs fault, my husbands fault, my moms fault, etc. We are all adults now, step up and be an adult and a parent.

I watched this show last night which I had taped earlier.  This could have been me, except that I didn't brush and floss their teeth.  I was so controlling with my girls that I never let them spend the night, was always there for them and never realized I was that controlling until I took the last one to college.  I also was a single Mom and I know it was not a good thing being that controlling.  I never let them make a deciisions and never allowed them to suffer the consequences.
I had a terrible childhood, do not remember anything good ever happening,  I was molested by my stepfather when I was 5 years old and it went on seems like forever.  I also told my mother and she never did anything about it.  I always felt like my mother never loved me---I hated my life.  We got beat with a switch from a tree that we had to pick ourselves and make sure it 'whistled' or with the razor belt which cut your legs, my fingers burned over the flames on the stove when my mother had to put me on a stool to reach it.   My mother took me with her to the attorneys office when she divorced my step father (I was a teenager then) and made me go with her - then she cared I was molested--right!!  I married young to get out and swore I would never let my kids go through that. I did OK at first, then divorced with 3 kids and 10 years later married again and had 2 more girls.  Then I found out that my husband was molesting my girls ...after that I went into protective mode and thought I was doing the right thing. I would yell just like this lady!!!  My mother never loved me and I wanted to make sure that my girls always knew I loved them, but I think maybe I suffocated them.  I still want that- i just want them to love me- but I think it is to late for me, please don't let it be too late for that poor mother.  Since I watched that show I have just been shoved into my past, remembering all I thought I had got past.  I just am overwhelmed today with sadness and I feel such a strong feeling of hate and anger inside that I just feel sad, really sad.  I need to get past this one more time, I am 72 years old and what is done is done.  Just had to have someone to talk to, as I have noone I could share this with as I would be to ashamed and I don't think they would care.  Please save her from herself!!!

Dear Dr. Phil, I watch your show all the time and never had a show impacted me as much as this one.  I was abused also as a child and when you put up the Why Lie I Thought you were talking about me and how I feel deep in my soul.  Although I was not as extreme as Amy, I felther pain and feel as she does about protecting her children.  I did not know how to write to you directly so I am using this way to try and reach you.  I realized after viewing this show that I needed o get help.  I live in Canton Ohio and need to see someone.  I have been to counseling before but never really accomplished anything even after going for over a year.  Please advise me where to turn and what type of counselor to look for.
Thank you rom the bottom of my heart.
Tammy Forbes
Canton, Ohio

I am sorry for what awful things happened to you as a child, and I am happy Dr. Phil is getting you help.  I hope you will allow your children to live far more normal lives.  I can't help but wonder, where are these children's father or fathers? Also, where is your grand-child's father? None of these were ever mentioned and they have the duty to see their children are loved and prepared for the future.  The world is a scary place and your children need to know how to protect themselves.  You won't always be there so please allow them to mature and grow into healthy, happy adults with good decision making skills.

Wildweezie’s on your side :o)  She’s one of the good guys.  I don’t know how often you visit these message boards, but you don’t always get to read such profound messages of encouragement and love as I’ve seen here following your appearance on the Show.  You and you alone brought them out Amy, nobody else.  That’s how special people think you are.  We all come from different walks of life; we’re not the same age or at the same stage in our development.  However, we do share some traits that permit us to communicate our thoughts, which hopefully can help somebody else who happens to trip over our messages.  I know from experience that it can take HOURS to compose something to post here.  Again, people such as wljane, lynmarie and lyntimes4 (to name just a few) took the time out of their busy lives to do so because they wanted to reach out to you.  Those are the messages that you should concentrate on, nothing else. 

When we hurt it seems like the whole world is against us and we may fail to see that helping hand in the midst of all the chaos.  We’re so busy slapping away the demons in our minds that we end up getting bogged down in the muck of our own making.  Look up Amy - nowhere else!  See the light that may seem like just a pinprick of brightness right now and take the hand that’s being extended to you.  Never mind the rest.  MANY of us here have been where you are now.  We know how you feel because we felt it too once and then again when we saw you cry.  We recognized ourselves.  You are not alone.

It seems to me that you are perpetuating the false "truth" that your family instilled in you, that without them you cannot succeed.  That lie is resonating in your brain and surfacing into the real world.  Hence, you are where you are because you believe their "lie" without realizing it!  it is in your subconscious.  But to answer your question about street smarts, here is a suggestion. Start with a game I used to teach my kids entering their teenage years  when I knew they needed to THINK!  It is called the "What if ...game."   What if my car breaks down on the freeway during rush hour and I am in the middle lane?  "What if my friend promises me that we can have fun at this party and then abandons me with strangers? And I have no way of calling? How can I keep myself safe?"  Do this game with as many scenarios as you can think of, and think of possible solutions.  This will help your brain to develop survival thinking skills.  Next, change the voice in your head from "I cannot do this without my mother or whoever it was" that did everything for you.  Every time you do something for yourself, whether it is washing dishes or folding clothes, give yourself a cheer, "Hey, I did this, I can do this". No matter how small the task is, when you finish it,  you congratulate yourself for doing it.    So, start with small tasks, reward yourself with verbal cheers, "I can do this, I am a capable person."  Start the language in your brain to more positive thinking, so it will override the unconscious part of your brain's negativity from the family.  Moving from family does not change the words in your brain.  You have to do it for yourself.  Keep giving yourself verbal positive reinforcement, because you are where you are now because of the people in your life taught you to be where you are now.  You can change your circumstances.  You are capable,  you are smart.  Whether you believe it or not is not important.   It is saying it over and over, every day, at least seven times a day.  Your brain will eventually get the message, and the changes will come. Next, put up signs with words of encouragement, whether it is on a mirror, or in a notebook, and read them as often as possible.   By the way, disregard any negative comments people tell you.  Don't believe their lies. Don't let your subconscious feed on the negativity.  Quickly, put in positive thoughts, so there is no delay.   You are in my prayers, I wil cheer you on. Good for you because you had the courage to post on Dr. Phil's site.  That was very brave of you.  You have a good character.  And I believe in you,  because I just know you are a capable person .So, begin your journey of positive belief in yourself. God Bless You!!

I hope this message somehow gets to Amy because it's intended for her.

Amy, thank you for having the courage to share your story so honestly.  Our stories are similar, and I totally "feel you," as someone much younger would say.  The nature of our abuse was very different, but it nevertheless completely shattered the hearts of two little girls who never did anything to anyone and didn't deserve to be treated with anything less than love and complete kindness.  

As a result of my own craving for the affection and approval missed out on as a child -- I ended up pregnant for the first time at 12, which my parents forced me to terminate.  The entire episode was so humiliating and indescribably traumatic -- compounded by a rape my parents would not believe had occurred -- that the only thing that got me through those days were cigarettes, alcohol and occasional drugs (actually, even before any of this, I started smoking at 11 to stop my mind from racing so I could make it through the school day without some kind of a breakdown).   

I got pregnant again at 14, and this time I actually had my beautiful baby, then married the father so I could get away from home.  I later had two more children through two more marriages, none of which lasted more than a couple of years.  So, like you, I raised my children essentially alone.  Also like you, my only reason for being was to love and take care of them and, most importantly, protect them from every conceivable harm, especially my adoptive father, who was a severely emotionally disturbed, child-hating, raging maniac.  I, too, was angry with my mother for failing to protect me, and I was determined to be the complete opposite of her in raising my own children.

Like you, Amy, I did a good job, if I must say so.  My children turned out wonderfully and I'm proud of each of them!!  However, they're all grown up now and long gone from the nest.  When my youngest started to assert her independence during high school, I began to feel useless.  When she got married and completely moved away, I felt like I had no further reason to be anymore -- no reason to cook, shop, clean, or even get up in the morning.  My life had always been so crazy and unusual that I never had the time or the social skills to develop any strong friendships with other adults, and, as the mother of a son and two beautiful daughters, I had resolved after the third marriage not to have any more male relationships so as not to even "chance" the possibility of some boyfriend or husband of mine molesting one of my children.  So, when all my children had finally left home, I really was all alone and miserable, at first.

But time heals, and I got over it.  Nearly 10 years later, I'm still all alone, and growing happier every day!  Actually, after my children, this "alone time" has been the most wonderful thing that's ever happened because I am now discovering ME!!!  I feel like I'm now enjoying the adolescence and young adulthood I never got to experience in my teens and twenties -- that footloose and fancy free time when you get to find out what you're all about, what you like, what's really important to you deep down inside!  It's turning out to be a very interesting and fulfilling adventure!

But I have had many rough days, which I've only gotten through by the grace of God.  In my aloneness, with no one else upon whom to rely, I have learned to lean solely on Him -- to pray and commune with Him like the kind and loving Father that He is, to put myself, my emotional health, and all my troubles into His Most Capable Hands and let Him handle it.  The beautiful thing is that He does!!!!  Magically!!!!!  And I grow more content and grateful every day!

Although I'm approaching retirement age, I'm still working as an elementary school teacher, and I get so much joy from loving and serving my adorable little 4th graders!!!  In some ways, they're like my own children for six hours a day (and the great part is that you get to send them home at the end of it!!  ;-) ).  I also discovered that I love to sing, so a year ago I joined a choir which gives me even more joy!  And I'm finally making some friends -- intelligent, mature friends with empathetic, loving hearts.

As I near retirement and giving up my job, my excitement grows because then I'll be able to do some of those things I've discovered I also enjoy, but don't have time for now, like writing, decorating, gardening, cooking, traveling and unfettered, relentless reading, reading, reading whatever I want 'til I drop!!!!  Yoga, walking and biking along the beach, singing, singing, singing, doing art, making ceramics, piano lessons!!!!  I can't wait!  And I also can't wait to do some volunteer work -- maybe at a battered women's shelter, providing free tutoring, or helping rock little babies to sleep in a hospital nursery.  I so love babies and children!!  And maybe, if I can find someone to love on a more personal level, I might make time for a gentleman in my life.  Who knows??  The possibilities are endless!

I guess what I'm trying to say is that as long as you have love in your heart, Amy -- and it was clear from yesterday's show that you have a great, big, kind, pure, radiant heart overflowing with love -- there will always be someone with whom you can share it, especially if you enjoy sharing that love with children.  Sadly, the world is still full of little girls like us, neglected and abused, who would be so grateful to have someone like you to care about them.

I wish you all the best, Amy, and was so overjoyed that Dr. Phil has arranged therapy for you.  May God bless you, most abundantly, with everything you need to recover fully from your childhood trauma.  But, in any event, if you just keep on loving, despite what you may receive in return, all will be well.



"Love takes no prisoners

Sometimes it comes like a thief in the night

Love shows no mercy

It only knows that I need you

I need you in my life..."

Lyrics by James Seals, Performed by Seals & Crofts