Hi brandi, 

I'm so happy that you have found your lost mother after all these years. And I'm so sorry for what happened to you. I just hope you'd get to heal from everything that happened as what Dr. Phil said. And I couldn't blame you for feeling that way because I can't imagine how you might have felt being hopeless as a child and trying to endure what you've been through, wondering where your mother was. But I also feel bad for your mother having the need to go through all of those things. It's really horrible. I can't stop weeping when I watched this episode. I just hope you can also forgive your mother ang be healed from those wounds. May God bless you and your family.

This is Brandi, the baby.  As of yet I have not watched the show so I don't know how it has been edited but as one having first hand knowledge of what was said, I dont think I am being overly critical or judgemental of Brenda.  I know resources now are not what they were in 1981. Im sure tracking people would have been extremely difficult but I also know it is a lot easier to hide someone now than it was 30 years ago.  I am not angry with Brenda for what she decided to do.  I know my father was a monster, I lived with the man.  I also know that as a mother myself, I would have never stopped looking for my children.  What was not mentioned on the show is that Brenda had known my fathers family so getting information probably would not have been that hard considering he dumped us with my aunt in California as often as he could.  Do not judge something or someone you know nothing about!!!

it would be great if you could write a book about your past and current situations. i think it would help others, and it seems like a lot of people have had similar situations.

Sometimes it is hard to know what to do when an abuser is involved.  What safeguards were available 31 years ago to her and her kids?

i don't understand why people believe that she left them because her husband said he would kill them if she contacted them. he could have killed them ANYWAY being the person that he was. and didn't he kill them slowly by molestating and abusing them anyway? she needed to rescue them and she didn't. Her excuse is not valid.i would have done anything to get them out of there and she should have too.i am surprised any of them are still alive today...

the whole point is that she left them with an abuser. she did not know whether he would kill them or not whether she tried to get ahold of them. she left them in harms way.

Brandi, I see your terrible pain and hurt; but I hope that you can realize two things:  First, the scars that cripple you also cripple your mother.  All of them.  If your mom was told you'd be killed if she sought you, SHE BELIEVED IT. With all of her soul, she believed it-- and rightly so.  I escaped from an abuser, and I know what it did to me and still does.  Children are held hostage because the abuser knows (and exploits) the depth of their mother's concern for her kids' safety.  The guilt and blame lies one hundred percent with your abuser, and you are ALL victims!  (Imagine if someone blamed you for what happened to you.  Ludicrous and CRUEL? Same for your mom.)  Second (and most important):  A mother who truly loves her children would do ANYTHING to save their lives.  Would I walk away from my children to save them?  In a heartbeat.  Would I suffer beyond anything imaginable for doing so? YES.  Resoundingly YES; but I'd save their lives by not searching for them. I'd make that fathomessly painful sacrifice.  Give it some time.  Pray for discernment.  And may God bless ALL of you!  p.s. To those who mocked Brenda's sentiments: shame on you.  You haven't walked in her shoes, and you are both ignorant and cold.  You speak without knowledge and without compassion. Abusers are as devious as they are terrifying. I believe Branda and my heart aches for her, as it does for all her children.  May they HEAL. 

I am a confidential intermediary (CI) for the state of Washington.  In this state the adoption record can only be opened to a CI.   I absolutely love to facilitate reunions. I'm a 67 year old grandmother, have had two really enjoyable careers, but this is the best of all.  I'd like to add my comments about the man, Troy Dunn, who located the mother of this family.  It is not difficult to locate people.  There are many web sites that contain information.  Many times there are hefty fees to subscribe to these sites, but with those subscriptions,  it can be done very quickly.  My clients are surprised at the low fee that is associated with the search. ($250 - $400)  The real problem comes with presenting the request for contact to the birth family member, or adoptee, in such a way that bring about agreement for the reunion.  If any readers have a family member, know their name, (a birthdate helps too), and the court isn't required to obtain permission to open a file, it's very easy!  I'm not looking for business.  I have all that I can handle.

I am a confidential intermediary (CI) for the state of Washington.  In this state the adoption record can only be opened to a CI.   I absolutely love to facilitate reunions. I'm a 67 year old grandmother, have had two really enjoyable careers, but this is the best of all.  I'd like to add my comments to the man who located the mother of this family.  It is not difficult to locate people.  There are many web sites that contain information.  Many times there are hefty fees to subscribe to these sites, but with those subscriptions,  it can be done very quickly.  My clients are surprised at the low fee that is associated with the search.  The real problem comes with presenting the request for contact to the birth family member, or adoptee, in such a way that bring about agreement for the reunion.  If any readers have a family member, know their name, (a birthdate helps too), and the court isn't required to obtain permission to open a file, it's very easy!

Even today there is very little help available for abused women.Back in the 70's or 80's there was virtually none.This womans children were kidnapped.She did not hand them over to her abuser.I genuinely believe that she thought their lives were in imminent danger if she tried to locate them.She knew full well what that monster of an abuser she was married to was capable of.Today we have shelters and limited services to help abused women.But the help is just that limited.It is very hard to understand what it is like to be abused unless you have actually walked in those shoes yourself.The trauma.The psychological damage.The Post Traumatic Stress.The threats of imminent death by an abuser you know is a violent monster.You deal with all of that while trying to eck out a living and rebuild a life for yourself and your children.It is overwhelming and daunting to say the least.This woman did the best she could.


That monster she was married to should be in jail forever.But my quess is he never did a day in jail.But we give abusers a slap on the wrist in the US and send them home to beat their wives all over. We condone violence against women in this country.We blame the victim and let the abuser off the hook.We ask "Why didn't she leave?"Instead of "Why was her abuser allowed to abuse her over and over and get away with it?"

I wish this family peace and healing.They all deserve it.Including the Mother who has suffered greatly.