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2013 Shows

 
In part two of this Dr. Phil exclusive, Ronaiah Tuiasosopo opens up about his alleged involvement in the girlfriend hoax scandal involving Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te’o. Why would he allegedly dupe the Heisman Trophy candidate into a fake relationship with a girl who never existed? And, what message, if any, does he have for Te’o? Plus, hear from Tuiasosopo’s parents. How do they feel about the accusations against their son? And, where does the family go from here?

Find out what happened on the show.
Comments
Replied By: dannilj on May 21, 2013, 12:17PM
I couldn't help but notice that he probably really Felt guilty, I could feel it, but considering the fact that he had just played a guy for a year or so, I can't really think about it being something else but an act to clear his name in some sort of way. I really wonder how in the world he came up with this act, and I cant really understand why he had to come up with all these excuses like Leukemia, and what else he came up with, It will only cause more pain, could it really be that hard to just stop the act while it's being online? I have a hard time understanding how someone can grow such strong feelings for somebody on the internet, which you have never met for real, i dont think he's a psychopath or anything, i just really wonder wether he's acting or if he's going all clean.
 
Replied By: alphak555 on May 16, 2013, 12:00AM
Boo hoo! I was raped, molested as a child so I can behave like an idiot and blame what happened! 


This seems to be an excuse for a lot of bad behavior ! Dr Phil, stop making excuses for people because this gives people the  justification to do things and have people feel sorry for them! 


I am sick of the excuse of being molested! It's my choice to be a good person and to use my common sense as an adult! I don't feel sorry for myself and look at things as a learning experience!




STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR THESE PEOPLE!
 
Replied By: rintintin4162 on Feb 11, 2013, 5:44PM
After hearing what he went through as a child and the fact that his Dad was a big football star, I find myself wondering if he subconsciously targeted Mateo to subconsciously get back at his Dad for not protecting him when he felt that he should have. Just saying... I hope he gets the help that he needs and is able to find some much needed peace in his life.
 
Replied By: kellbell5 on Feb 9, 2013, 5:22AM - In reply to imamosaic
Well iamamosaic, it seems like we have more things in common than might have been expected. We have similar criteria, but a different take on Ronaiah's intention and the effect of this scandal on Manti's life.

First, I want to be clear that I'm not saying that I think Manti owes Ronaiah anything. I would not suggest that Manti should be expected to feel any compassion or understanding for Ronaiah. He's entitled to not give Ronaiah one more ounce of thought or energy if he chooses. He owes Ronaiah nothing. If he ever gets to the point of forgiveness or compassion, that's great. If Manti hates Ronaiah for eternity, I have no judgement about it because it's not in my place to tell any victim how to feel about the person who hurt them.

I am speaking from my perspective as a viewer talking to other viewers. Nothing was taken from me personally, so naturally, and appropriately, its easier for me to see the issue from both sides.

Maybe you could fill me in on a few details I may be unaware of. I understand the emotional toll to Manti is high and he's received negative publicity, but I'm not aware of any loss of money or "real" reward that Manti may have suffered. We can speculate that it might cost him monetarily in the future due to the emotional toll affecting his performance, or some other opportunity may be revoked. I'm not aware if this has happened or not. Maybe you know more than I do. I'm happy for you to fill me in.

I guess I also see Manti as being a pretty solid guy. Everything you said about him being a hard worker and earning his accomplishments is true. That leads me to believe he probably has enough resiliency and coping skills to eventually move on from this. I don't see this situation as being powerful enough to ruin his life. Shoot, if I could trade my life experience for his, that would be a pretty good trade. He's got a lot going for him. Also, I think a lot of people are supporting Manti and understand how unfair and this situation is for him. He does have the opportunity to make lemons out of lemonade. Other celebrities have poked fun at themselves after enduring a scanda (think SNL). Some have even made money.(Hmmm, the Kardashians come to mind.)

I'm not being dismissive, but I just don't think this situation is as impactful as people are drumming it up to be. When I was around 22 years old, I met a guy and the relationship moved really fast. In no time, he was living in my apartment and I was supporting him. My friends and family hated him and tried to tell me he was no good. I was young and foolish and defended him to the bitter end. Eventually my friend showed me proof that he was not who he said he was.

He lied about his whole life, including his work experience. At the time we dated, he worked as a paramedic. I found out he conned his way into that job. He was only certified as an EMT, but had given a patient an emergency tracheotomy while working as a paramedic, or at least that's what he told me. I won't bore you with the details, but this guy really went into elaborate detail about his life, his status, etc., and I got sucked in really deep. 

Thank God he was fired from the paramedic job, but it was humiliating for me to admit how naive and stubborn I had been, damaging relationships with the people who really cared about me. Worse yet, my Mom was dying of lung/brain cancer at the time, and I allowed it to put more separation between us than there had already been. She passed away while this guy was still in my life. I can never make up for that mistake.
   
I wanted to think of myself as so grown up, but obviously, I had a lot to learn. He treated me rotten and conned me out of my car and a lot of money. (Funny side note- I just realized his initials were B.S,- there was a hidden clue!) Anyway, I didn't have much in my life, so I didn't have much to lose, but I was a fragile young lady and the betrayal of my trust was a really big deal for me at the time.

Eventually, I replaced all the items/ money that I lost and I learned a valuable lesson. I got over that guy and the humiliation in time. I became more savvy about how to protect myself and in the scope of my life it was not nearly the worst thing that ever happened to me. Looking back, I'm glad I learned that lesson in my 20s, not in my 40s.

Knowing my Mom, if she would have been around after I had my epiphany about this guy, she would not have pitied me. She would have probably said something like,"Welcome to adulthood, get over it because life is hard and it's gonna get rougher."   

The Manti/Ronaiah situation is sensational because Manti is a public figure and Ronaiah is a disturbed person and the details are so bizarre. I see this situation as very, very sad and unfortunate. I don't think this has ruined Manti's life, unless he allows it to. It might feel like the end of the world to him now, but Manti's no different than anyone else, and he's not immune to having unfair things happen to him, just like the rest of us. If Manti uses this situation as an excuse for not succeeding, or for living in shame for the rest of his life, he will end up exactly as you describe Ronaiah, a victim who does nothing to help himself and instead chooses to whine about his misfortune in life. I don't think that's a likely scenario. I think Manti will be OK in time.

If you ever get a chance, I welcome you to visit my blog. I'm asking for suggestions about a dilemma in my own life and I'd like your opinion. Since I'm so stuck, someone with a different perspective may be helpful to me.
    


    
    
    
    
 
Replied By: imamosaic on Feb 8, 2013, 9:19PM - In reply to kellbell5
Understanding the scope of what you have done from the victim's perspective is first.  If you don't understand exactly what you have done, then apologizing is useless.

Ronaiah didn't begin to meet my first criteria.  He was so into himself it was sickening.  I didn't hear, "What have I done?  My God, what have I done?"  So far not even close.

Second, you have to work to make it right.  This part certainly has a full range from minor to major things.  You kill someone, plan on it never being over. 

Because this is so big for Manti, Ronaiah, has a huge job ahead of him.  He won't be able to repay this debt for a long long time if ever. It is only by the kindness of Manti that this will ever be repaid. Ronaiah has to understand that.  Manti will say- when and if- the debt is repaid.  If Manti hates his guts, it's Ronaiah who understands that every bit of anger that Manti shows, is his fault.  He caused it.  He takes full responsibility for all the negative repercussions because he caused them all by his hoax.  He will be overwhelmed when he realizes what exactly he is taking responsibility for.

Much more along these lines.  The bigger the action, the harder the amends.  For this one, he should put his life on hold, and start paying his debt.  If the thought he'd buy a house, forget it.  He's working for Manti for a long time.

The apology is your actions not your words

What do I expect to happen?  If Ronaiah realizes the size of his debt here he won't make any heroic effort.  He'll declare moral bankruptcy and be done with it.  " I can't,. . I didn't. . . I never. . .it was his fault. . . I was hurt as much as he was. . . I'm the real victim, whaaaaaaaaa"

 
Replied By: kellbell5 on Feb 8, 2013, 7:08PM - In reply to imamosaic
Hello iamamosaic,

Thanks for sharing your perspective. I like understanding what is important to people with opposing points of view and what motivates those differences.
  
I do not forgive everyone, but I do believe most people should have the opportunity to earn forgiveness and trust from me.  I have certain criteria that's required for my forgiveness to be earned. They must demonstrate the following:

--Enough humility to admit the mistake and risk the possibility of being ridiculed or rejected  
--Communicate insight into how the actions have affected the person who has been hurt
--Genuine apology and a positive intention
--Agreement to work towards understanding what motivated the actions
--Creating a reasonable plan to correct what motivated the hurtful actions
--Over time, following through on the above work
--Never committing the same offense
--Finally, being patient enough to wait for forgiveness until they have completed the above work

I don't require perfection, but I don't think its easy to earn my forgiveness. Some people in my life have met the standard. If someone is willing to do the work, I extend forgiveness. By the way, just because I forgive someone it doesn't always mean they are welcome to continue a relationship with me. It really depends on the offense, the person, and what makes sense in the context of the situation. I don't believe people are all bad or all good. We are all a mixture. I use intuition and many other cues to determine if someone has a basically good intention in the world, or a basically bad intention in the world. Sometimes people who are basically good make desperate mistakes. Because of my history, it's important to me not to discard those people. I feel obligated to "weed through."

For me, the jury is still out on Ronaiah. He met step #1. The process I listed takes time, so I will reserve judgement for now. He may follow through, or he may not. I hope he does. Unfortunately, most people don't, but I think there's value in allowing for the possibility of redemption. It's powerful when it happens. I feel if God gave me the gift of grace, something I did not earn, and do not deserve, I can at least allow people to earn forgiveness from me. I'm not God, so I can't bestow grace on anyone, but I can use the concept to motivate me to be a better person.

I am wondering if you have your own criteria, or is a significant mistake a deal-breaker in your book? 
    
 
Replied By: imamosaic on Feb 8, 2013, 3:54PM - In reply to kellbell5
Dear Kellbell5,


Yes, I do have a different perspective than you, and after reading your post slowly, I can see why.  You have empathy for both men, I don't. Ours lives have been different.


I grew up poor in a poor neighborhood. From the time I was young we all worked if we wanted any thing. Paper routes, baby sitting, selling Christmas cards door to door, a mother's helper before I turned 16 and was able to get a more traditional job. Taking things was frowned upon in our family, my parents didn't expect or take help from any one. What we worked for, was what we got. We never had a lot.


My brother's bike was stolen. That was the only new bike he ever owned as a kid. Of course life happened to us just like everyone else. When we were careless and unaware, people stole things and we were told to be more careful with our things. “You went into a store and left your bike unchained? How foolish you were.” “Don't you know to keep your eyes on your purse at all times? Never let it out of your sight.” When things went wrong, we had to be responsible for our mistakes and pay for whatever was lost. We were expected to learn from our mistakes, work harder.





Manti, at 21yrs old, just isn't very old. What he has worked on for years (and can mean millions to him) is his reputation. I'm sure he put blood, sweat and tears for years building his reputation. Ronaiah can't pay back what he took, I wonder if he even can support himself?


Any apology that has "I hope you can forgive me" in it, is about the person speaking, not the person harmed. Please forgive me- is for a burp.


Manti has taken a ton of flack, “Boy he sure was stupid to believe THAT! I'd never be that stupid! I would have seen this coming a mile away. (I'd never get my bike stolen, my purse stolen) I'm way smarter than Manti” Everyday still on the TV they have a reason to say Manti's name in relation to catfishing. He has had to pay a really high price here.


So while you're reminding, Ronaiah, who he is meant to be, . . .my heart really goes out to Manti.  I am angry he has had this happen to him.  I have great compassion for people who work for what they get.  I see the loss, I have felt it on a smaller scale many times in my life.  So that's how I roll. 


And as for God's grace, in the end, Jesus only forgave one of thieves, the other one,. . . not so much.
 
Replied By: kellbell5 on Feb 7, 2013, 6:07PM - In reply to imamosaic
Dear iamamosaic,
Please read my comments slowly, so you have time to consider. I never asked you to feel compassion for Ronaiah. Your viewpoint is your perogative, although I do have a different perspective. You're really identifying with Manti in this situation, and I think you probably have a really big heart because you are so angry that an innocent person was hurt. I think your protectiveness says something good about you. I know it's a challenge for you to understand why I have empathy for both men, so allow me to explain.

Unfortunately, I had a very painful childhood and as a result I acted out, made many mistakes and conducted myself in ways that I still feel embarrassed about. At my lowest point, a compassionate person, who owed me nothing, extended his kindness to me and encouraged me to own my mistakes and face who I really am. It was painful, but I was able to do the work because even though he was strict and held high expectations of me, he never shamed me. He encouraged me to forgive myself and introduced me to the concept of God's grace. During my most desperate moments, he showed genuine compassion for me. He treated me with kindness and respect in every situation, despite my mistakes. He encouraged every positive effort I made while holding me accountable when I was wrong.

This relationship was life changing for me, and since then I have turned my life around. I hope you are lucky enough to have someone in your life who cares for you in the same way. In my opinion, everyone should have the opportunity to be reminded of who they were meant to be. 
   




     


    
 
Replied By: imamosaic on Feb 7, 2013, 9:57AM - In reply to kellbell5
Just not for Ronaiah in this case.  I don't know about all of mankind, I'm just talking about Ronaiah.


Why would I be so heartless when he has been a victim?  Because he has become a predator.


I looked up Manti Te'o name and all over the internet is the hoax that Ronaiah perpetrated on Manti.


"Manti should have known"


"Lance Armstrong, Manti Te'o, Tiger Woods, most hated athletes".  Really?  Manti made a mistake, he trusted, wow, how awful is that?  I'd never get caught doing that!!!!!!!   Lance and Tiger at least had their own fate in their hands. 


For me the huge issue here is a fairness issue.  Manti spent years building his reputation.  He's worked harder than I can imagine to get to the level he did. Focused.


  Ronaiah laying on his bed, in his dark bedroom, talking in his lady voice, doing God knows what, steals a huge chunk of Manti's good name.  He sets this guy up for untold embarrassment, and steals his good reputation. 


It is hard for me to read on this board ," they are both victims"!  It makes me want to scream!!!!!!!!!!


For me, Ronaiah is a perpetrator.  Ronaiah has cloaked himself in the victim garb.  As far as I'm concerned it is a disguise.  Even in a trial it is only after, guilty and not guilty is decided, that you hear any of the victim-hood stuff presented.  This guy's whole defense is- I'm a victim- whaaaaaaaaaaaaa


All I can see is what Manti has lost.  A lot.  He worked for it, and now it's gone.  And for what?   So Ronaiah can feel better about being molested?  Now that Manti has given so much, Ronaiah is cured?  Oh, sadly, everything Manti has had to forfeit has made not one whit of difference in Ronaiah pain from his abuse.  Everything Manti paid is for NOTHING!  No good at all. Ronaiah dragged Manti through the mud, and ruined his reputation and no one is the better for it.  All Ronaiah has brought is great pain to an unsuspecting soul.


Mankind in general- I am opposed to molestation.  I feel compassion for those abused.  In Ronaiah's case, I am making an exception about my compassion.  He was a victim, now he's an abuser.  I have great compassion for Manti.
 
Replied By: kellbell5 on Feb 7, 2013, 6:06AM - In reply to imamosaic
In response to imamosaic:     Of course Ronaiah should be held accountable for his actions. Just because he may have been victimized, it does not justify, in any way,the deceit he perpetrated on Manti Te'o. Manti certainly deserves compassion for the painful and embarrasing ordeal Ronaiah put him through. It's reasonable to feel angry about what Ronaiah has done. I never said anything to the contrary.

I wish healing and peace for both of them because whether or not Ronaiah was abused, he is obviously struggling with something that motivated his desperation. Having compassion for Ronaiah does not imply he should not be held responsible for his actions.

  You misunderstood the point of my post. I was challenging comments left by someone else. The post from ladylansing implied that child victims of rape or molestation are not credible if they do not tell someone about the abuse while it is occuring. It continued on to say, "It always makes me wonder why molesting goes on for years must be enjoyable to some degree whether it is the attention one wasn't getting or the sexual pleasure."


My comments were directed toward the attitude and misinformation of the poster's opinion. I was making a statement that holds true for any victim of rape or molestation, not just Ronaiah. I don't know Ronaiah and do not claim to know if he is truthful or not about his claim of abuse.

I was making a public comment about attitudes that are hurtful to ALL victims of abuse. The truth is that sometimes there is pleasure involved in the encounter; but to insinuate that the child is any less of a victim is wrong and plays into the trap of shame that victims often struggle with. And yes, victims of sexual abuse are often seeking attention, that's what makes them so vulnerable to perpetrators.  And yes, sexual pleasure feels good to everyone. Pleasure is not always a part of molestation, but it can be. That is natural if it happens, and I am sharing this point because it's rarely talked about. Victims need to hear that they should not feel guilty. Children can be especially confused when they feel pleasure as a part of the abuse. I hope I've cleared this up for you and I hope it helps someone who reads it.      
 
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