Thanks I think I will get that book!

I always thought I was the only 'bad daughter' in this way in the world.  I just thought I was the black sheep of the family who got blamed for everything.  After many Dr Phil episodes I have come to understand my now late mother, yet still thought I was somehow to blame for the bad relationship we had.  Now my family and I are living with my father and he is the one just like this mother! I see why my mother was like she was. I am finally able to realise that nothing I do or say will ever be enough. And yes krypto33 I too am sad that he will never change. Yet I am sooo happy to know that I can now START at 47 living MY life without the guilt that pervades every moment of my relationship with him.  Maybe when I am not feeling guiltyabout everything I say or do and second guess myself constantly against his 'perfect' barometer, things might be better between us.  There is always hope.

The way he spoke about finding her religious counselling and a "gift of love" was such a great way to approach someone so set in their ways. I would have laughed if I was in your situation and been unable to think of a way to say she needs psychological help. I hope she is willing and able to change and allow her  family some peace in their lives. I remember when my mother would call me and talk non stop for 3hrs at a time (I would go give my daughter a bath and come back and she never realised). Most times tact is what's needed so you and your family can have a life that isn't centred around one person. Clap clap clap Dr Phil for your patience, tact and diplomacy.

The mother reminded me of Vicky Pollard from the TV series "Little Britain", every time she was confronted with her own behaviour she started fast talking and blaming other people (so fast she even forgot what she was about to say several times and went off on a tangent). Example: "I think, she's a good mother BUT she and Gabriel need counselling....etc etc tangent, however (take a breath)..etc etc but I would like to see my grandchildren grow up in a home that's solid...3 minutes of speech later...". Just listening to her talking was exhausting without having her in my life. I'd hang up on her too since she only likes the sound of her OWN voice. Look after your kids and if she wants to see them, stick around so they don't turn out with ADHD like her.

Well, I totally agree that I did not feel Dr. Phil dealt with that situation.  The woman obviously has mental problems - and I think he needed to focus more on the son dealing with or just cutting the ties with her.  They feel they cannot trust her with the grandchildren which after hearing her rambles - I understand why.  She definitely needs some mental health help.  And I don't feel that you did any one a favor by not sharing some of that on the show.  It just looked like you passed over her.  The son and his wife were distraught over her actions and personality.  It wasn't all fear of feeling abandoned or alone.  She definitely has mental problems.  So  Dr. Phil where were you on this?  That is the part I wanted to hear.

I doubt it will happen, but his "mother" needs some very serious psychiaatric help. She can't follow a single thought, conversation, topic. She blames everybody else for her problems. She either denies or downplays her erratic, instrusive, sometimes criminal behavior. She is hyper religious and seemingly has no boundaries with her religiosity. I doubt that she will accept psychiatric help because she wants to blame others for her behavior. Obviously, her son and his wife? have their own problems. I hope that that will also seek some marriage//relationship counseling for themselves.

You, my friend, are RIGHT ON !!  Thanks for saying it better than I did !!

This is my first post on the Dr. Phil community board. This whole story reminds me so much of my own mother's behavior. Sometimes I feel like I can't take anymore! Where it is very comforting to know I am not alone with an "overly religious mom," I feel such sadness that my mom will never change. It has done some damage on me- this I know. I feel resentful when she tells me I am going to hell or my siblings and I will be "left behind" when Jesus comes to take his people home. I don't understand why any mother would tell her child that. I lived with this 43 yrs and it continues to be my biggest fear in life. On the other hand, my mother can be a wonderful person with the best of intentions. She gave me everything I ever wanted or needed. She did the same for my brother and sister. I am now her care taker and wish to give back all that she has done for me, but it's getting to be stressful. I don't understand religion. I don't understand why it grabs hold of some folks and turns them into a close minded, judgemental, raving lunatic???

This woman is a reminder that I need to thank God again today and every day that my mother in law is the wonderful woman that she is. I wish that all daughters in law have the blessings that I do with my husband's mother. This woman seems to be narcissistic, terrified of abandonment and loss of control, and dealing with impulse control problems. I admire the son and his wife for attempting to work on a relationship with her; they both have the patience of Job. A person's relationship with their God can be a beautiful thing- a guide and inspiration- but it should never be a weapon against family. A person cannot be forced into spirituality, a person can only come to it at his or her own time. I do hope that this couple and their children find peace, with or without her.

Dear Dr, Phil

I have heard you many times say how important family is.  While i agree that immediate family is important, I have two daughters, two sons-in-law, four beautiful, delightful grandchildren and would do anything and everything to make sure they are in my life, and have done a lot.  However I never thought extended family was important.

I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.  I am sure you know that families tend to avoid or discount a family member who decides to face and deal with the abuse they suffer.  I have not spoken to, nor have I had contact with my "first family" in 20 years.  I have cut myself out of their fold and, although it was the most painful thing I have ever done, it was also the best thing I could have done for me and my family.  

My parents came to this country (Canada) in 1950 as a young married couple.  As we grew up we had no idea what it was like to have an aunt or an uncle, grandparent, or cousin.  I still don't.  I do recognize what you are saying and how wonderful it must be to have loving and supportive family, however it was not until today's show when you said that extended family show children how they are loved by others and not just by their parents that I recognized what I have missed all my life.  

This statement also made me realize what a gift I have given to my children and especially my grandchildren by breaking the cycle of abuse in my family.  It has been a long hard, challenging journey fraught with many tears, trips to crisis stabelization units, taking responsibility for the hurt I caused during my time of anger and healing.  The man who raped me (I was 7 he was 25) has never taken responsibility for his actions, my parents went into denial and stayed there my siblings still follow Dad's family rule  of "My way or the highway."  (Yes I took the highway).   When I think about the men that my daughters married, the grandparents that my grandchildren have, the cousins, aunts and uncles, I feel very proud that I did what I did in order to make this possible. 

My husband is disabled and I care for him alone. (Loss and Alone seems to be the theme of my life.)  I used to resent having to share my children with their "other" family because it means i am alone for the holidays every second year or have to celebrate at a different time.  Now I understand how important that "other" year is for my grandchildren and won't feel so resentful any more, although I will still feel lonely.   

Thanks, that was very helpful.