I actually went looking for the Dr. Phil website to see if I could write to April directly, but it seems that this may be the next best alternative. April - I do hope you read this.


I've never signed up for any forums like this before, I signed up purely because I felt the need to stand up and say something and to show April my sincere empathy with her condition. I suffer from the same condition, one that many here have described as 'dermatillomania.' I have had it since my early teens and am now 27. I want April to know that I could relate to almost everything she described, from hesitating to come on the show at all to her reaction to taking her makeup off to the awkwardness, fear and humiliation she felt (even though hidden well) after her makeup was removed and she walked out onto the stage. I felt every word, every movement and every thought, and I can tell all those who have suggested she is fake or insincere that you just cannot truly knows how horrifying or debilitating an illness can be until you yourself have suffered from it. The scarring, scabs, blood and physical pain are awful in themselves- but many of you seem to be missing the point- it is not about whether she actually is beautiful, it is about the fear, anxiety, lack of control, frustration, guilt, shame and self hatred that someone who goes through this feels!! I looked at her like the rest of you- seeing someone who is actually incredibly beautiful. But it didn't matter because I know the reality she lives in is full of pain and shame, the same as the one I live in, and one's own reality is the only one each of us will every know. I don't feel the show has offered me any options as yet to help me treat my condition, unless I was wealthy enough to afford to seek the same high-tech treatment as offered by Dr. Phil to April (I do fully believe she deserves it though). But I did feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude in that Dr Phil has highlighted an illness that seems to be very hidden, and I felt some minute amount of relief that I know I am not alone, and I felt proud of April- as her braveness amazed me and I could never have that courage to tell the world my horrible secret.



I just want to point out to those who so cruelly seem to be criticising April and doubting her honesty- I myself work with photography and video footage and the effects of lighting and filters are not to be underestimated. Have none of you seen Oprah as she appears in candid shots as opposed to on her former show? Participants on these shows always look better than they do in real life. Regardless- I still think April looked like she would be beautiful in reality however that is not the point- the point is what she sees when she looks in the mirror.


Also- jennyjo77 and robobob1967- I don't know if you will read this- but I just want you both to know that some one read your heartfelt words and related to how you felt. Everything from not wanting to sleep because you will wake to another day to the tiny moments of happiness that you seem to self-destruct to the inability to see any hope ahead. I know exactly how you feel. Exactly! But please, please do the world a favour and don't give up! I haven't yet, and I think I owe a lot of that to finding God and finding Hope. I pray that you will do the same.

She has so many pictures of herself because she is full of herself. I guess this was the best way for April to get herself noticed by a casting agent. Her skin and the fact that she had so many pictures taken by herself tells the truth. People who hate themselves and think they are ugly do not pose for pictures constantly.

I thought the same thing while watching. Also, the picture shown of April with makeup on looks nothing like her and more like those selfies taken by attention seeking teenagers on facebook. She looked awfully proud walking out with Dr Phil and receiving the audience's applause also. Her skin looked perfct compared to mine which I have never picked or cut or anything like she said she has. I think she was only there for the attention also.

I can't believe that there are indeed others like me out there.  I, like Meghan, have those same thoughts all day, every day.  I am 36 and since I was 10 years old, I have gone to bed at night thinking how much I hate myself and my life and wishing that I would die in my sleep.  At two points in my life I tried to make that happen, but obviously failed.  I like Meghan have the distinct feeling that I should never have been born and that I have only ruined everything I have ever touched. Medication and counseling have come and gone but the fact remains that I wish someone would kill me since I can't seem to manage to even do that right.  I'm an angry, hateful person that my family does not like to be around and I don't blame them.  I could see in Meghan's eyes what I see in mine every day.  I know what she was thinking when Dr. Phil was doing the drawing on the board, because to us, those things are true.  No amount of cheerleading has ever changed that thinking for me.  I remember sitting in one therapy session with this cute little counselor who made us route for ourselves and I just kept thinking, "This is so stupid.  This is not going to change what my life is like outside this room."  And it didn't.  I made a promise to my mom that I would never try to kill myself again, and I intend to keep that promise as long as she is alive.  But I am already dead inside.  I hate going to sleep because I know that means I will have to wake up and face my life again.  Yet ironically when it gets to be too much, I use sleep as an escape.  I have given up hope of every being truly happy.  Sure I have had moments of happiness that have penetrated the dark, but I have managed to ruin nearly every one of those so that the memories of those times are more painful than pleasant.  Funny that this is the most open and honest I have been about what goes on inside me and its all for strangers who don't know me.  Actually its probably for no one because I doubt if anyone will even read this.

I have dermatillomania, body dysmorphic disorder, OCD and generalized anxiety disorder.  Let me tell you, they all go hand in hand.  One exasperates the other.  I pick obsessively, then shower obsessively (1-2 hours on days I pick--very routinized/compulsive), then I view myself as being a hideous polkadotted/scabbed monster (have been told by those I love that it's not that bad and what I see is 100 times worse than what they see), and then finally, I worry constantly (all day) about my body, about life, and how others perceive me.  I worry about everything.  I am a perfectionist to the core.  On top of it all, I developed constant-24-7 derealization (scariest symptom ever--have slowly learned to accpet it).  I used to have full blown panic attacks almost everyday.  Thank God they have subsided through hard work and dedication.  I PICK ABOUT 2-4 HOURS A WEEK (used to be much worse) AND MY SKIN IS 20 TIMES WORSE THAN APRIL'S.  GIVE ME A BREAK!!!  SHE DOES NOT PICK HER FACE LIKE SHE SAYS SHE DOES.  THIS IS BULL.  MAKE UP CAN'T EVEN COVER MINE BECAUSE THEY ARE SO RED, INFLAMED AND SCABBED OVER.  I use sewing needles to gouge the pore precisely in order to squeeze the small build up of keratin (keratosis pilaris on face, legs and arms--otherwise an unoticeable flesh coloured bump that would eventually come to a dry head and just slough off in time) out.  If i can't get it out, I freak out and dig for ages trying to find the coiled hair/hard egg shaped plug until I cause a scab that can take months to heal.  I also cause so much scar tissue that the ingrownhair/plug is unable to surface for months and therefor leaves the scab in an unhealable state.  Funny enough, if the hair/plug comes out, it heals very quickly--even the nasty big scab ones.  If you are going to portray this particular skin condition on your show, maybe you should get someone who ACTUALLY has the condition (not just body dsymorphia).  April may have body dysmorphia, but she does not have severe dermatillomania by any means.  Even when I am ever so gentle with picking and squeezing, I still end up with red spots everywhere that take a couple days to fade.  THEY ARE NOTICEABLE!  This did not help me at all.  You didn't even explain what dermatillomania is.  Maybe you should invite Angela Hartlin on your show to teach you a thing or two.  She is the real hero people with this disorder need.

I am a 47 yr old male. I have been suffering from this since i can remember. I only went to the sixth grade because i didnt want to be around other kids. At about 13 i tried to starve myself to death and was hospitalized just so i didnt have to go to school because the anxiety was unbearable. To this day im only comfortable stayin in the house and not going out. When i was 18 i had a relationship with a girl i met at work which going to work was pure hell. I always had anxiety people were talking about me and if i seen someone laughing my first thought was they were laughing at me cause i was so ugly. I was bullied very badly in school because i think it was because all i wanted to do was keep to myself and not socialize with other kids. Needless to say my relationship didnt last long about three years which i put her through hell. I would be in the bathroom for hours every day trying to fix the only thing i thought i could and that was my hair. I would spend hours trimming and using hairspray to try to get it just right but it was never good enough. After awhile it would depress so bad i would just get on the floor and cry. Then i would wash my hair again and start all over. I would get upset and punch walls and go into these crazy spells cause i couldbt take it no more. My girlfriend left me when she got pregnant and  our son was about 6 months old. She said she had to because she didnt want our son growing up around the problems i had. I worked till about ten years ago when i couldnt take it no more the stress was killing me. I used to call my mother all the time crying so i didnt think i could go on. I thought of suicide many many times but was to scared. One day my father had a stroke and my mother took care of him for awhile and then she got sick. I thought the only way i could help them and help myself was to leave employment and take care of them the best i could. I was at the end of my rope it was either kill myself or get out of going outside the house by taking care of them. They were in bad health and were bed ridden so that meant i didnt have to go out which got me through till now . They have since passed and now im scared as hell to go back to that fear of life. I have filed for disability and was turned down but got a lawyer and my trial is coming in feb. I believe the only hope for me is to be a hermit otherwise i feel now if i have to go back to the anxiety of everyday life i will kill myself. Now that my mom and dad are gone i think it would be easier to do. Theres a lot more to my story but these are the basics. I understand the turmoil and pure hell this disease is causing people to suffer.

I have to say I cried like a baby watching this episode with April! I understand every emotion she is feeling and it broke my heart knowing her pain. I've suffered from this most of my life, but never knew what "it" was! I just knew that my face and body were "deformed" and I did all I could do to hide the ugliness from others. I'd cover up, wear clothes to camoflauge, wear hats, sunglasses...anything that would ease the anxiety I felt when someone looked at me. I avoid mirrors as much as possible and feel intense anxiety if someone is looking at me directly in my face, especially if it's someone I don't know. It got so bad that I wanted to die! It affected every aspect of my life; my work, my social interaction and even my feelings when I'm around friends and family. I am so fixated on their seeing my deformity that I can't think of anything else and it makes situations that should be happy become painful and uncomfortable. Most people who have this disorder DON"T TALK ABOUT IT to anyone! We don't want someone giving us more intense scrutiny and we just suffer in silence until it slowly sucks the life out of you. I didn't want to mention my feelings because I felt it sounded like I was vain and looking for compliments when in reality all I wanted was reassurance that I didn't look like a freak! What actually saved me was seeing an episode on this subject a few years back by Dr. Phil. I started thinking maybe I had BDD and did research. Once I opened up to my husband he said it was EXACTLY what I had. Sadly, there are not a lot of resources or trained professionals out there who specialize in this and I could not find a therapist anywhere near me who did. I was able tofinally  find a clinical psychologist who took me on and works with me to manage the obsessive thoughts. I'm am in no way "cured" but I can now function. I still look in the mirror and see an ugly, deformed face and body, but it doesn't "undo" me like it used to. This is such a very painful disorder and more shows covering this topic need to be done because iit's also a very secret disorder. Thank you Dr. Phil for covering this subject and please continue to bring awareness of BDD to the public.

Watching dr phil make the diagram with all the thoughts chasing themselves around Megans 15yr old brain...well I can only imagine at 15 dealing with that. I am 47 and that is exactly what my brain does...to the point I barly leave the house anymore. My fear for Megan is if she doesn't get a handle on it now 30yrs are going to pass abd that list of thoughts grow and grow and grow until...well I just really pray for her.

I just watched this show, and actually never knew there was a name for something I've been doing for years. I am now 40 years old, and have pretty much determined no dermatologist can fix it. So, I cover it up with makeup. I was a bit angry with the young lady that "suffered" from picking once the "make-up" was removed. While I understand some people deal with internal issues in their own way, there were NO scars on her face for her to be so dramatic about. What was all the build up leading to?! The make-up artist that did her make-up knew there was nothing there but redness. She went along with everything a bit too easy for it to have been genuine in my opinion. Now, if she in fact has scars on her legs or somewhere else, THAT would have been a "moment to overcome the fears". I think she blew smoke up Dr. Phil's butt and wasted his time. But she helped me to find out that others REALLY DO go through this, from reading these responses.

I just watched the show expecting to see April's face to be severely scarred.  Only logical due to the hours, years and utensils she apparently used.  Wasn't I surprised when I could barely notice anything at all. Was also pretty amazing how she was so open to the make-up being removed in front of the camera for all to see.  Something is not sitting well with me.  Dr. Phil really needs to watch these programs a little more closely prior to airing them.  He indeed was duped.  April, in my opinion, was looking for her 15 minutes of fame and she succeeded.