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(Original Air Date: 12/04/12) More than 10 years ago, Leah’s 15-year-old daughter, Jessica, was killed in a horrible car crash that also left Leah’s oldest son, Michael, now 22, paralyzed from the waist down. Since the tragedy, Leah has kept Jessica’s bedroom exactly the way the teen left it, and despite encouragement from her family, she says she can’t bring herself to pack up her daughter’s belongings. Leah’s husband, Curtis, says his wife is stuck in the past and that their marriage is suffering -- so much so that they haven’t slept in the same bed for more than three years. Can Leah finally let go of her pain and anger? And, can her marriage be saved? Then, hear from Michael and from his brother, Brent, who walked away from the crash unhurt -- but not unaffected. If you or someone you know is struggling to move past an unbearable loss, don’t miss this emotional Dr. Phil.

Find out what happened on the show.
Comments
Replied By: tinabailey41 on Dec 4, 2012, 1:18PM
Leah,


So sad about your daughter. I just wanted you to think about something. Your daughter was bound for heaven. What if she couldn't make the transition because she is too afraid to leave her mother in this grieving state? If you love her memories, and let her go, she can go back home and become the spirit she needs to be. Please just think about this. She will stay around as long as you can't let her move on, and her spirit needs to move to God and be in peace. God be with you and your family.


Tina
 
Replied By: dibo123 on Dec 4, 2012, 1:16PM
At 1st I was angry w/this woman blaming her husband. On May 23rd 1984 we lost our 3 youngest of 4 children in a housefire. Not once did he or I blame each other. I voiced once in the last 28 yrs of whom may have accidentally started it & he agreed w/me. That was the only time we ever mentioned it. The thought of leaving one anotherwas never thought of. Our oldest child lost was not my husbands biological child. But he loved her as much as our own 2. My oldest was already at school that morningso he was spared. Also the child of my husbands heart. We will never forget our children but we held on for the sake of our son who needed us as much as we needed him. He is now a wonderful 43 yr. old man.  His sisters & brother will always be with us. She has to forgive herself for all the pain. He was not to blame it was the other driver. Don't waste your life on regrets & guilt. Live for her & your remaining children & husband.  Life does go on & you will always cry for them & love them. Nothing will ever take that away from you. A Mother's love is for life. God bless the whole family & my thoughts are w/you.
 
Replied By: dawnmbs on Dec 4, 2012, 12:50PM
Oh my gosh, this family really needs a hero!!  I can really feel their pain x2.  18 years ago my husband and I lost our twin girls.  Our one daughter died 3 days after birth, and our other daughter died the day she turned 6 months old.  I know what the mother is going through about not being able to let go.  I have not been able to let go for 18 years.  This family needs all the prayers and thoughts they can get.  I feel so sorry for all of them. 

  If i could just give this mother any advise, I would tell her that she should write in a journal, write to her daughter everyday, this way what she is feeling she can get it out of her system and off her mind.  I do this everyday, and on my girls' birthday's and the days they passed away i write them a letter.  I never go back to read it, but just writing to them helps a lot.

  I feel so bad for you all.  I just wish I could give this mother a HUGE hug, and tell her that it's going to be ok.  your in my thoughts and prayers sweet family.



Prayers, Dawn Seekings
 
Replied By: sabernathy on Dec 4, 2012, 12:40PM
I too have lost a child.  My oldest son was killed in Iraq.  I know the pain of loss and the responsibility of grieving and continuing to be a wife and mother.  My heart is breaking for her.  My primary focus at the time of my son's death and even today is keeping my remaining family in tact.  My husband and I have had many conversations about our responsibility to our younger child.  I believe with all my heart that his ability to grieve and go on to have a wonderful, productive life depends on how he sees his dad and I handle it.  I still cry almost every day.  I know how many days it has been since he was killed, since we laid him to rest at Arlington National cemetery.  I also talk openly about how gregarious he was, what a terrible driver he was, how we used to stay up all night talking about politics, religion or whatever was on his mind.  I still laugh with his dad and brother about how he used to pick up the end of our bed and drop it, laugh at how startled we always were, and the goofy grin when he'd tell us to get our lazy butts up.  It was usually about 6 am.  We keep our memories alive.  We are thankful to be together. to have survived the thing we thought impossible.  We miss him terribly.  Death ended his life but it did not end our relationship with him.  If I knew then what I know now, I'd do it all again, and again.  He was a beautiful blessing to us and to allow his death to destroy the family he knew would be such a disservice to his memory.  That's how we go on and live everyday with gratitude.  We made a choice to remain a family, sometimes it wasn't easy but you can choose to love your partner even though you don't understand him. 
 
Replied By: stellaanna20 on Dec 4, 2012, 12:38PM
I feel there pain and am so sorry that ever had happened to them. But it isn't right for the wife to be taking her pain out on her husband so much, I do understand why but it really isn't all his fault. Also keeping the daughters room the way it is Evan thou u have to other kids that could be using it. I do understand why u don't want to forget her and that's fine but you can do that by memorie and pictures not by keeping her room tha same way it was when she left when one of your other child could use that instead of sharing a room with her sister. I understand exactly how it feels to loose someone close to you. I lost my grandfather last year and he was the only one that I had well got to meet. I know that he is watching over me everyday. They haven't had a chance to official mourned over her they need to move on to do that. They need to rejoice her being gone not be sad over it. Ita been 10 years ita time to remember her for when she was here and what she did while she was here. I know it's sad and hard to do but it needs to he done. She will always be watching over them. They need to live there lives to the fullest for her and live with no regrets.
 
Replied By: ladybughvn on Dec 4, 2012, 12:34PM - In reply to stephanied1230
Hello,

I too lost my daughter in 2001 to a horrible disease that she suffered with for two years before it took her. Lorena whas 26 with a 4 yr old daughter Peyton. I was writing my mother's Eulogy at the time of my daughter's death because she was dying too. Mom, my best friend died the following year. I have over the next 11 years cried enough tears to fill 10 swinnimg pools. The loss of my only daughter and mother or you might say my whole family destroyed me. Not just guilt, but the missing. I cannot stop the memories, dreams or the missing. I am only waiting for an inevitable end to a non living existence. I see a psychologist now hoping to be able to move on.
I tell you this so that maybe you can circumvent this from happening to you.
God Bless You

ladybugHvn    
 
Replied By: ladybughvn on Dec 4, 2012, 12:25PM
Leah, I write to you because it's not too late for you to keep your family including your daughter and move on. You are really not letting Jessica move on to peace with the lord. Keeping her here for your sake is not fair to her.

Also, the grief you have  will worsen with time because you won't let go. It will grow and take over even more of your life. You WILL lose your family, yourself, your future and possibly your life because of your grief. I say this because it is true for people who won't let go.

Definately do as Dr Phil suggest and get Jessica's room rearranged into a space the family can use now. Maybe an office and gaming room so that it isn't being replaced by another persons specific space.  

In addition, remember that you still have Curtis and Michael to celebrate Jessica. You all share memories. I suggest setting Jessica's birthday aside for celebrating her life with Curtis and Michael. A day just to remember and maybe laugh about the funny things she said or did. Kind of "and I remember when."

Please, realize you can still love Jessica without it consuming or being the focal point of your family's precious life.

Hope this helps,

Heartfelt friend          
 
Replied By: jmo1313 on Dec 4, 2012, 7:34AM
I really felt for this family watching this show today. If I were in her shoes, I'm sure I would be the same way, especially with leaving her daughter's room intact. I can only imagine the pain she is in and anyone who has lost a child. I hope she can begin to move forward for the sake of herself and her wonderful children. Best of luck to all of you......
 
Replied By: momofaangel on Dec 4, 2012, 7:27AM
Dr. Phil I know what it is like to have lost a daughter in a car crash. I lost my 17 year old daughter in a car crash it will be 6 years in April. I got told by the Dr to suck it up for the other kids that were in the car so I never got to grieve her death. But I go on for my other daughter who was in the car with her sister and held her sister when she past! Dr. Phil this mother needs to remember the good times with her daughter! The mother needs to remember her other kids that need her love just as much. I know it is hard but she would be able to enjoy life if she would show the love to the other kids. I don't think it makes me a bad person for not dwelling on my daughter's death but remembering the good times we had together while I had her in my life.
 
Replied By: stephanied1230 on Dec 2, 2012, 9:40AM
I am hoping that this show will help me with losing my daughter in a car accident. I cant work, I cant go anywhere. I am lost
 
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