Dr. Phil,

Just wanted to comment... I recently saw your episode regarding the Teenage mother who became pregnant because she wanted to be on Television.  I choked up and almost cried.   This Kayla girl you talked about is so eerily similar to my own daughter and her circumstances it is shocking.  I am sure you could do an entire weeks’ worth of episodes on my daughter alone.

My daughter has had behavioral issues for a few years now.   She suffers from severe ADHD and She has run away from home on occasion, she phoned us to tell us she was engaged to a drug dealer (after 48 hours), she has lied to us, she has stolen from us, she has been in fights at school, she routine uses drugs and alcohol and engages in indiscriminate sexual activity.  We have battled these demons for a few years now and they always seem to come in ebbs and flows.  A large portion of her issues started when her biological mother returned into her life after a 9 year absence and carried thru into issues in the public school system.  She is out of control and has previously convinced social workers and therapists that I am overbearing as a parent (go figure).  During her manic phases she has become irrational and on one occasion she physically assaulted me (she kicked me in the junk, and proceeded to hit me with any object within arms reach, until I could recover enough to stop her).  She has issues and she has them in spades.

Last winter my daughter came home pregnant.  She is now 17 years old, she has not completed high school, and has a 7 month old baby.   I know based on her conversations on Facebook that she deliberately became pregnant to trap her ex-boyfriend (who is completely MIA)  And yes, her favorite shows include Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant. Perhaps these shows glamorized and planted the seed for parenthood into her brain? 

My daughter and granddaughter live with us and every day with my daughter is a battle.  She either is completely absent from the home or is showing such a lack of respect and consideration that we wish she was elsewhere.  As you put it with Kayla… she is the common denominator in every fight.  She has issues with school, teachers, friends, Child and Family services, me, her 7 year old sister, her employer… but nothing is ever her fault.  Its like living under a perpetual storm cloud.   Child and Family services has forced her to get random drug tests as she has been caught taking our granddaughter to drug houses.  She has actually asked me to lie for her so she can go and drink and do drugs.  She researches on the internet to see what will and will not show up on a drug test.  Bottom line is that she is never responsible for her actions and has been out of control for a considerable time. 

 
We have now taken custody of our granddaughter Samantha (de facto custody supported by Child and Family Services but  not legal custody yet) to protect her from her mother's poor judgment as someone needs to protect this child and someone needs to be the adult.  Someone needs to advocate for 7 month old Samantha.
 
Where does one begin to get my daughter the help that she needs?  How do I get people to listen?  We have tried therapy, medications, psychologists and social workers but nothing seems to help as the problem is never with her.  The problem isn’t leading the horse to water… we are down to getting the horse to drink.

Any advice will be gratefully considered

 

Sincerely,

A Devoted Parent and Grandparent at Wit's End 

 

 

A Devoted Grandfather at Wit’s End.

i think parents should speak with not only the daughter but their sons too because sex takes 2 not just the mother.

but can someone explain to me why she does not have a job but feels shehas the right to bash the childs father. the mother needs to get a back bone 

I think one of the biggest problems today are Kids having Kids. Kids in this Country are immature and have no kind of disipline. The TV shows are glamorizing Sex, having Babies. This is just terrible. The Morality  today is being ripped apart via TV, Video games, Liberalized Schooling, Children raising children. What ever happened to Morality? What ever happened to personal responsibility? When I was young, a teen pregnancy was nearly unheard of. If it did accure then the Teen's parents and the teen took control and raised the child without Tax payers footing the bill for food, housing, spending money. The Families did that. Now teens are being glamorized, housed, food, and Cash for each Babv popped out. Kids learning to Multiply before they learn to add. Our Culture has gone to the garbage dump.

Maybe I'm naive and gullible, but the girls wanting to be pretty and look nice with lots of friends sounds like a good thing.

Wow such rage towards adoption. There is nothing wrong with adoption, and what should happen to the kids that someone doesn't want jeep keep for what ever reason? An orphanage? Foster care? Bounced around in the systewho most people who make the choice to place a child for adoption do it out of love, I should know I am a birth mother, my son is all grown up now and he had his trials and such..but he is happy. I am glad I was able to give him to a loving couple who were unable to have children....oh and they isn't think it was their right to my child or his older brothers child because they couldn't have children...they thought it was an honor to be picked to raise this child.

I as a birth mother believe that what Dr. Phil ment was that they had made a decision to keep the baby, and have bonded with him, and would be harder to make that choice now.  I came into the show late so I don't know how old Milo was at the time it originally aired, but I would guess it was to hard now to make that choice. Of course you are your daughters mother, and I even turned to my husband and said, an adopted child has two mothers. Don't take offense to what he said, I don't think he meant it in a negative way

It's a sad reality that reality shows do glamorize things like teen pregnancyand motherhood, being drunk and slutty, or fighting like animals. Teens and adults alike see this stuff and mimic the behavior hoping to be the next reality star! Those who don't necessarily mimic the behavior become so desensitized to the negative behavior that it soon becomes the accepted norm! In my opinion these types of shows, videos and music does impact how we behave as a society. How I long for the good old days when TV portrayed respect for yourself and respect for your fellow man! That type of behavior promoted a more positive culture to the general audience.

Today's show really hit home because I have a nephew who got himself into the same dilemma.  I agreed with everything that was said by Dr. Phil until the very end.  Actually his 3 tips for raising a teen daughter were very good and wise, but the abscence of addressing young men in the same manner was glaring.  In my opinion, when a problem is addressed and solutions are offered both parties must be involved for any kind of successful positive change.  To continually address young ladies as needing to 'honor their bodies' and change their mindset is horribly unbalanced and puts all the pressures on their doorstep.  Where is the talk about young men honoring THEIR bodies and the need to consider the consequence of THEIR actions?  Just as in anything in life, if the burden or sound advice is directed to one and not the other, nothing will ever change.  Boys shouldn't be 'just boys'.  They should learn of their responsibilities when an opportunity for a sexual encounter presents itself or is sought.  This goes for contraception too.  My nephew said the girl 'tricked' him and he's not even sure the baby is his.  How did she trick him?  It shouldn't matter if the girl says she's using contraception.  He needed to be responsible for himself and still used a condom.  When men say 'condoms don't feel good', then why aren't they demanding the research into male contraception.  Women have tons of different contraception because they have been burdened with this responsibility.  I guarantee if men demanded the same, they would have access to many different contraceptive options.  Of course, ultimately if both sexes learned to respect themselves and their bodies perhaps unwanted pregnancies would greatly diminish.  Dr. Phil, why not have a show on our current social mindset of boys and men when it comes to their sexual activity.  Why not consider a dialogue to break the old ways of thinking.  Hopefully with this changed mindset in men the odds would be greatly increased in avoiding an unwanted pregnancy.

I am a 63 year old grandma and I watch Teen Mon 2.  I keep telling my daughter she needs to let her teen age kids watch this show.  She has MTV blocked.  Not one of these relationships turn out happy.  The girls always end up alone raising the babies on their own.  I am all for these shows.  I hope it would help stop these young girls from thinking they will have a baby and live happily ever after with their boyfriend.