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2012 Shows

Two moms who say they’re troubled by the hatred they often feel toward their children reach out to Dr. Phil for help. Tiffany says her 10-year-old daughter is a manipulative liar, and says, “I would be just fine if somebody took her.” Tiffany says she will oftentimes use corporal punishment as a consequence and admits to spanking her daughter until she was exhausted and telling her, “If I had a gun, I would have blown both of us away.” What’s at the root of her rage? And, can Tiffany learn to control her anger before it’s too late? Then, Karen admits that she feels resentment and anger toward her 14-year-old autistic daughter, Julia, and often thinks about running away. She says she has extreme frustration and annoyance for Julia’s “weird” and “unruly” behavior and often yells and screams hurtful things at her. Can Dr. Phil help Karen learn to care for her special needs daughter in a more patient and positive way?

Find out what happened on the show.
Replied By: strine on Mar 11, 2013, 9:56PM
I agree that Tiffany just wants to win "my child" rather than hearing the truth. Tiffany's daughter might as well be living in a gutter with a happy mother and she'd be better off. She called it "verbal abuse" i.e. it is child abuse love.
Replied By: strine on Mar 11, 2013, 9:50PM
I took my daughter to her orthodontist today and we saw a woman outside calling her daughter a "c.nt" and yelling at her because she didn't look after her younger sister and the little one ran away from her. The woman went on to tell the little girl "You're 11 but you act like the two year old" and continued to call her names as she walked down the street. I wanted to run over there and take both of those kids home with me because I lived that as a kid- being yelled at and called useless. No way would I call my kids useless or any other name and beat them because they would think they're nothing. Those two women don't get that the way they treat their kids will make them grow up to feel like they don't deserve better or love or anything good. I hope those little kids are all helped because it seems the mothers don't really think they are doing anything wrong.
Replied By: mzroseycheeks on Mar 11, 2013, 8:40PM
I'm really frustrated by the "if you haven't raised kids you have no room to judge" argument. The hell I can't judge! Common sense tells most people that abusing your children in any way is never appropriate; you don't have to be a parent to know this. Common sense also dictates that parenting is, at best, difficult. If you're not up for the task, DON'T HAVE CHILDREN.
Replied By: mzroseycheeks on Mar 11, 2013, 8:39PM - In reply to elefino
I'm really frustrated by the "if you haven't raised kids you have no room to judge" argument. The hell I can't judge! Common sense tells most people that abusing your children in any way is never appropriate; you don't have to be a parent to know this. Common sense also dictates that parenting is, at best, difficult. If you're not up for the task, DON'T HAVE CHILDREN. It's not the child's fault they weren't ready.
Replied By: elefino on Feb 26, 2013, 7:48PM - In reply to zooey2
If this woman truly hated her child to the core, she would have BEEN dead- bottomline. She would have dropped her off somewhere a LONG time ago. Deep down I think she loves her child and trying to get help shows that in my opinion.

Some people may not have been shown love and may not know how to properly love others until someone demonstrates and teaches it to them.
Replied By: elefino on Feb 26, 2013, 7:40PM - In reply to kwilliams226
it's refreshing to see that someone else felt compassion for this woman. My heart goes out to her and her child. Instead of everyone wanting to beat up on and judge this woman, how about looking at her for what she is, a hurt woman who does recognize she needs help, reached out, and does have sorrow for how she feels. Please DO NOT misunderstand me as condoning how she behaves or treats her daughter, but instead of being ready to criticize, judge, and tear her down further. Look at what may be driving this.

There are many things that could be at the root of this situation. Even though this woman's daughter is 10 years old, the situation could be the result of untreated post-partum depression (if this has been ongoing from birth). It may be the result of years worth of depression because her comment about her mother not thinking she was good enough spoke volumes to me as to how her own mother made her feel.

I do agree that removing the child for a while until the mother is better able to control her anger and has made breakthroughs in her behavior and emotional health. Praying for both families.
Replied By: elefino on Feb 26, 2013, 7:22PM - In reply to mermaidram
No disrespect, I feel people who haven't raised children should never comment on parenting at all because they have no real life experience in that area. It's easy to talk about, comment on, speculate about things a person hasn't experienced first hand. Babysitting somone else child(ren) doesn't count either. I had a friend who freely expressed her thoughts about other people's parenting styles until I asked her what made her an expert on parenting when she hadn't raised any children. She understood soon after she had her children and non-parents freely shared their thoughts about parenting.
Replied By: estabiz on Dec 11, 2012, 6:30PM
Hi my name is Esther and I am considered a bad mother.

Why?  Because I chose to leave my child.

Why? Did I do that - because unfortuntely for her I hated her.  Yes I know it is not her fault.

The problem is I had a baby that I did not want in the first place.  I had a baby for my then husband, my father, society and religion.  It was never in my plans to have a baby.  Sorry Dr. Phil before you say to me, it was my choice, up to a point but when young and immature you do not see you have choices as when you are in the older age bracket.  

 Society tells women when they get pregeant that they will naturaly love their child.  Sorry I believe this to be a lie.  I strongly suspect I am not the only woman to feel this way.  You only need look at the children's hospital to see child who have been physically abused even by their own mothers.  I chose not to run that risk and instead gave my husband, the father full custody.  I did not trust myself with her alone.

I am well aware that people think I am a terrible person.  Unfortunately when I was a child I was moved around and raised by others and had little family stability and no contact with younger children and babies.

I hope these ladies can find peace and resolution to their problems

Replied By: mermaidram on Dec 5, 2012, 9:15AM
Tiffany is an angry, bitter, rigid, stereotypical Black woman who thinks she's too good to listen to reason.  Her theory on how all Black kids need to be physically disciplined & all White people do is time-out is a load of garbage. I grew up around Black kids who were raised the same way she's raising her daughter; by high school they were the most unruly, disrespectful teens who got into fights all the time.  Her two college degrees don't mean squat. Like others on here, I wished Dr. Phil had ripped her to shreds like he does to the men on his show.

I'm a Black female & I've seen PLENTY of White people physically discipline their kids; the last parent I've seen spank their kid was White. For years, Dr. Phil has had White guests on his show who admit to spanking their kids (& not just by the hand). Dr. Phil said that his father used to spank him with a belt when he was a kid.  I've seen talk shows in the past (not just Dr. Phil) where White people SUPPORTED spanking & proudly admit to spanking their children.  They didn't use what she calls 'The Eurocentric Way' to raising their kids. 
For those on here who say her mom didn't say or do anything: I think the reason she hasn't done anything is because she disciplined Tiffany the exact same way & secretly agrees with this form of discipline (as many Black people do). If that's true, then it just shows that Grandma is just as bad as her daughter for allowing it.

Tiffany can deny it all she wants & stay rigid & unwilling to listen (as many Black women like her are). But once her daughter turns 18 & Tiffany has NOT changed her ways, she's going to cut all ties to her mother and will want nothing to do with her.  And when Tiffany wonders why her daughter hates her, the daughter will respond 'You brought this on yourself.'  Karma is a b****, & Tiffany will get the WORST kind of karma there is unless she changes NOW!
Replied By: mhammaker on Nov 22, 2012, 8:09AM
I have a 17 year old son named Jonathan who is autistic.  Jonathan was diagnosed at 4 years old with AUTISM and PERVASIVE DEVELOPMENT DISORDER with ADHD.  I have learned more from Jonathan than I could ever have taught him.  Autism affects the social part of a person's brain. Jonathan doesn't pick up on the social nuances that "we" do. For instance, he will walk out the door in front of me and let it close in my face....he's not being rude; it LITERALLY doesn't cross his mind to hold the door open for me and that manners and politeness dictate he should know to hold the door open for me.  He will hold it open for me if I ask him to, however, I have to ask him to hold the door open EVERY time we go out the door.

The most frustrating part of having autism in our family is the repetition. I have to prompt Jonathan to do most everything he does. There are times that I think I CANNOT GO THROUGH THIS ONE MORE DAY....and I want to just run screaming through the woods, pulling my hair out.  When I say I have to prompt Jonathan, this is what I mean, for instance:

BATH TIME:  (I run the tub of water and get the bath towel and wash cloth out of the closet...while he undresses).  "OK, Jonathan, let's get wet.  Come on, let's wet your hair.  Okay, I put the shampoo on your head so start rubbing it in.  There you go.  Come on, rub, rub, rub....over your ear, no...rub over both ears.  there you go......okay, let's rinse....close your eyes, OK, close your eyes,,,,OK, wait.....let's rinse again, doing good.....almost comes the rinse water so close your more time....OK, close your then.  Wipe your face off. Here's your towel. Wipe your face. let's take our bath.  Get your wash cloth, wring the water out....OK, get the, not the shampoo, the green soap.  OK, get it wet....come on, we'll be done in a minute and you can get out....".....and this is just an abbreviated version of washing his hair.  This is the same set of steps and prompts used to get his bath, put his cloths on, brush his teeth (which makes his gag/throw up so he resists every time and hates it). If Jonathan helps take out the garbage, unload the dishwasher, fold the towels, etc.....I repeat these kinds of prompts every single time, every single day, for every single task.

Jonathan cannot help that he is autistic. He's surpassed so many challenges and milestones that we never dreamed he would conquer!  He's in mainstream classes now with an aide that "buddies" him all day to help him stay on track and organized.  He didn't talk until he was 5 years old but he rattles on now about his favorite things....movies and yearbooks...with enless facts and statistics off the internet. Because of the over-sensitive body senses, there was a time he couldn't go to parades, football games, fireworks display, carnivals, rodeos, the county fair, etc....the bright lights, smells, sounds, crowds of people all talking at once was too much for him.  It took 4 of us to carry him kicking and screaming to the car when we took him to the Homecoming parade when he was about 5 years old. But now....we go to the football games where we watch his brother play, we go to the movies, we stand in lines and eat in restaurants.  He's learned to adapt to so many things....but we still proceed with caution because the over-sensitivity to things is still there.  If he's aware ahead of time, he is prepared that he may be uncomfortable.  He still doesn't like it....but he doesn't have a meltdown....even though he does fuss about it the whole time! 

Abuse Jonathan?  How could I ever harm him?  I love him more than anything!  He's my gift and our miracle!  He has this unusual sense of humor that he really doesn't know he has until someone laughs, and then he grins like "hey! I made a funny!"  The latest thing that cracked me up was him disagreeing with me about wearing blue jeans to go somewhere.  He wanted to wear his shorts.  His reply to me was, "But, Mom.  I don't want to wear my LONG SLEEVED PANTS." 

The mother that 'hates her autistic daughter"  is contributing to her daughter's considition.  Autistic people are antennas for emotional vibes.  They have "a 6th sense" that informs them of stress. It's almost like walking into a strange yard and being afraid of a barking dog....the dog really barks at you more than other people because it senses your fear.  Jonathan can immediately tell if someone if being fake with him.  If he senses they don't like him, he won't even acknowledge their presence.  I sometimes wish I had this kind of intuition!  This mom's yelling, screaming, hitting, and hateful words is amping up her daughter's anxiety to the maximum velocity!  She's causing her behave this way and then punishing her for how she behaves! 

I pray for this sweet child.  Surely Dr. Phil's integrity has dictated that she has been REMOVED from this situation.  This child will flourish if she's put into the right atmosphere.  Right now, she's being housed in a meat grinder.  PLEASE UPDATE US ON THE STATUS OF THESE CHILDREN AND WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH THEIR PARENTS.  IT SICKENS ME TO THINK SOMEONE WOULD ABUSE ANY CHILD...ESPECIALLY A SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD THAT ALREADY HAS SO MANY THINGS TO OVERCOME.  Thanks for reading this long post.  ; )
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