I'm sure that $1,000,000 would have been better spent by donating it to an orphanage for kids who have no one to fight for them. These two need to grow up because they were both acting like brats fighting over a toy (except the "toy" will grow up people pleasing and disturbed because of them). They're dividing her into two parts.

I guess I almost did write a book ... right here on Dr. Phil's website. Didn't mean to ... but those two psuedo-parents set me off. Anyway, my note was too long but ( ... in my defense :) ... it looks longer than it actually is.

When I'm writing on the web, I always make sure to use short paragraphs, just 3 or 4 sentences long, and separate them by a empty line, so my reader doesn't have to strain their eyes so much.

It's surprising how much easier it is to read from the screen when there is plenty of white space.

Thanks for your comment. Writing a book as gone through my mind more than once. It's just that, writing that book would be harder than having had to live through it the first time, I think. I'm not sure I'm up to that, at least right now.

Thanks to Dr. Phil, and to everyone who stands up for the little girl.

Thanks for agreeing, I feel terrible for that poor girl.

I really couldn't decide which parent I had empathy for, but clearly the father is a narcissist.  He couldn't even get when Dr. Phil was being sarcastic calling him a perfect father!  I feel both parents are behaving like children when they need to be focusing on parenting this child, but the dad - whew - he is a piece of work.  This poor little girl.  What kind of a future is she going to have?

My current husband his wife were just like these two, minus all the money.  They had a nasty divorce and their small child, only 2-1/2 years old at the time of their separation, was stuck in the middle.  Initially, dad had custody until mom got clean from drugs (relapsed soon after, but not until the child was in his teens, and by then they had joint custody).  The effects of their constant fighting destroyed their only child together.  I came into his life when he was 14 and became his stepmother when he was nearly 16.  He would tell me how upset their constant fighting made him, but they just wouldn't stop.  When it came time to go to college, he chose one far enough away that they could still visit him, but not so close they could do it frequently or easily.  When it came time for his senior year, he was completely despodent and distraught.  One month into his senior year, he took his own life, hanging himself in his mother's basement.  The journals he left behind gave a look into his mind set and one passage has been forever etched in my mind.  He wrote how he was afraid that their fighting would never stop and how he felt it would escalate to the point that they would be fighting with each other at his funeral and he was glad he would not be around to see that.  Let me tell you, he was absolutely right.  His mother even wanted him divvied up between them in death, having him cremated and giving his dad a portion to put in his own urn.  How sad is that?  They did fight through the entire process and to this day they cannot get along if put in the same room.  Please, if you are going through a divorce, don't make the custody battle a circus.  You are not hurting your ex - they no longer care about you - but you are hurting your children.  If you love them, grow up and let some things go.  Nothing is worth losing your children.  Nothing.

You should really write a book on your experiences.  Watching this show, I thought that the narcissism that led to the divorce led to the problem of parenting.  I thought the dad was a narcissist and the mother looked just nuts because she bought into his garbage.  Truly, if the father is a narcissist, eventually, her daughter will know that. I pray that the girl's stepmother is a gift to her.  Some people are not capable of love as we know it and those two seemed that way.

Dr. McGraw,


I am a professional "geek" and ... because of what I know about computers, the internet, and the finer details of "workin' the web" ... I am very, very security conscious. As a matter of practice, I post very personal information only rarely and very carefully ... and I train my clients to do the same.

I'm breaking my golden rule because my body, my heart and my soul ... all three ... are telling me that I have to.

My stomach was just fine before your Friday program. I was happily working away on my 'puter, only slightly aware that my TV was on, when those two monkeys appeared before me.

Fortunately or unfortunately (I don't know which yet), I turned up the volume. Thirty minutes later, I was in my bathroom, literally throwing up.

Now it's Monday, and that poor little girl is still on my mind and in my heart. Because I am her, about 45 years ago ... and in about 45 years ... she will be me.

How sad is that. Not that it's sad to be me. It's taken a hell of ton of work, but I am able to appreciate myself now and I am learning to love myself right. I feel good about being me now ... I just wish it hadn't had to take me 45 years .... and so much pain and struggle ... to get here.

So ... who am I and why am I so compelled to break my silence? ... Why am I spending too much time today writing to you (instead of working my small home business startup)?

Because after hearing those two idiots on Friday ... finally ... I just can't not.

Because I'm one of the hundreds of thousands of kids (who knows how many of us there are) who were (and are) used as weapons by hate-based parents.

And ... because I'm not just of them. I'm an original ... from what I call the "Modern Neolithic" period of divorce and custody.

My maiden name is Metz . My dad's name was Charles V. Metz . After his second divorce (to my mother), he started a company, wrote a book, got relatively famous, and ended up a pioneer. Some people say he was part and parcel to the modern divorce reform movement.

From:  http://www.mensdefense.org/MensMovement.htm

• "The first modern reform group, United States Divorce Reform, commenced in California in the 1960s ... They created a statewide legislation reform Initiative.  Unfortunately, that effort failed, and consequently USDR broke up ... The “movement” has been divided ever since. Before the breakup of USDR, Charlie Metz formed America’s Society of Divorced Men in Minnesota, pioneering the concept of individual divorce counseling.  Charlie moved to Elgin Il, after winning a landmark custody battle in the early ‘70s and wrote “Divorce and Custody for Men” (Doubleday).  Disgusted with the movement’s fractiousness, Charlie advised against trying to unify it, comparing the effort to herding cats. Only time will tell if his pessimism was justified. Charlie died in 1971."

That "landmark" custody battle ... was my childhood ... and it wasn't fun.

His first divorce resulted in his losing custody of and contact with his first-born son. Sometime later, he met and somehow managed to marry my mother. They were like oil and water (my mom was a founding feminist mother and my dad ... he supported the John Birch Society).
Only God knows why they ever got married. My Mom had already raised her oldest daughter to 8 years old ... as a single and abandoned mother, which wasn't easy back then, in 1952 or so.) The battle was half over or her ... I don't know why she married my dad. She shouldn't have.

In any case, she did ... and 3 or 4 terrible years later (and two more babies later)  ... they were getting divorced.

Then the fun really started.

Still an infant, I was kidnapped by my Dad, off my Mother's couch, my older sister was taken from the schoolyard one afternoon. My oldest sister (who was not his but hers) was told (or, so the "story" goes) that if she didn't join us, she would never see him or us sisters again.

Why? ... because possession is 99% of the battle. Then, now, and, unfortunately, probably forever.

Once he had custody, we were used as tools again ... this time, in public. My sister and I were put in a "play" cage, built on top of a red wagon, with a sign on it saying "My Mother did this to me," and paraded around the Civic Center in Chicago ... on display for one of his public rallies.

Most people are shocked about the amount of money spent on divorce and custody. Not me. The truth is ... if they say that a million dollars was spent ... I know that the number is more than likely double or triple that.

Because you have to count in lots of things people, unless you've lived it yourself, don't normally count ... things like gifts to your kids ... you know ... the gifts that show up out of nowhere that say "I bought this for you because I love you more than your Mom/Dad does." And you have to count all the fees you (or your daughter) will pay to counselors and psychologists just so you (and/or see) can function in the world ... and you have to count so much else.

Money? ... forget about it ... it's all for the lawyers (the only players in the game who actually come out (way) ahead.

And anyway ... in the end ... it's not even countable. My mother spent her future trying to retain custody of us. She lost. Then she spent the rest of her life (and the bulk of mine) grieving.

I can't even begin to describe in this note (which is already way too long) the damage that was inflicted on me and my sisters, and on the rest of those who turned out to be my family.

I can put it this way:

With my stepmom's help, I made it through my childhood "relatively" sane. My older sister did not. She is not sane at all. I can't even go into that story here. My oldest sister also made it out relatively sane ... but our relationship did not.

I have sisters but not really ... a fact that is consistently painful for me.

My Dad died working for his cause. It killed him.

How ironic (not to mention ... so very sad for us) that my Dad dedicated his book to "RoJoLin" ... Roberta, Joyce and Linda ... supposedly the 3 people all of his effort was for... are the same who were so very damaged by that same effort.

In my opinion, a custody battle is pretty much the only public / legal theatre left in which parents can legally, publically, and literally get away with absolutely abusing their children. There's only one word left for it ... and that's "INSANE."

That "landmark" custody battle shaped my life ... until 40 years later when I had FINALLY collected enough lessons and tools to be able to reshape it for myself.

My dad used to say that if you see someone do wrong in this world and you are able and you do nothing ... you are as guilty as the wrongdoer.

I say that saying "shame on you" to the parents is pointless.

I say that the shame is on us ... for allowing such a neolithic (i.e., brutal, out-dated, and senseless) process (i.e., defined by today's antiquated custody laws) which so clearly provides such an excellent forum, as well as a grand set of tools, both private and public, for abusing and destroying our children.

If it takes a village to raise a child ... don't we have to be responsible for what the "village" produces?

Yes ... it's the parents. But ... as a country ... as a "village" ... we allow this to happen ... over and over and over and over again.

Shame on us.

I send my love to that little girl. If I could talk to her ... I'd be talking to my own young self.

If I could talk to her ... I would hug her ... I would hold her until she had no more tears left ... and then I would tell her that none of it is her fault. I would tell her that, though she hasn't met them yet, there are two parents for her in this world who will love her. I would tell her that there are people here who love her now and who will love her later.

I would tell her that she is a beautiful creature ... a child of God ... my child ... our child ... and that things will be different later ... that she can be happy. I would tell her that everything will be okay for her ... someday.

My question is ... if it takes a "village" to raise a child ... okay ... but who is tending the village?

It seems to me that it's (still) the lawyers. Good for them ... bad for us.

It's time to change the freakin' rules ... and that ... village members ... is our job.

Love, Linda.

I don't know which parent was the worst!   These two are the perfect example of "unfit parents".  Neither one has enough sense to realize they're both wrong and the real victim of their selfishness is their daughter.  I think  both of them lied on just about every subject, refused to admit their role in this massive war over "having control" and getting revenge.   I'll be their nine year old daughter is more mature than either one of them.  Someone needs to grow up soon or they wll lose their daughter.  They just don't get it!

These two parents (children) repulsed me!  They are both flaming narcissists having no idea in creation what damage they are causing their daughter.  The dad mentioned the daughter has been lying and chewing her nails - OMG by the end of the show, I was chewing my nails off, twirling my hair, etc. etc.......cannot imagine what that poor little girl goes through everyday!  They needed a bigger tune up than you gave them Dr. Phil!   


And Dr. Phil, btw, sad but true - you DO NOT need the other person's signature to get an annulment!  Another serious pet peeve of mine!  I learned that while getting my education from a catholic university and was appalled to hear that.  My ex got an annulment and all he had to do was give a "good enough excuse" - not that is part of my records - eeeeeeek!

I am surrently in a custody battle for my children.  He refused to return the children when it was time for him to bring them back home.  NC refused to get involved because there were no custody papers.  Among other things manage to pay a lawyer 2500 and he only went to court twice.  I have no criminal record.  We have not been homless, I am not on drugs non of that foolishness.  The divorce, their schools, the child support was all in the county that the children and I lived in.  The children have lived with me the last 5 years after we went our seperate ways.  I live 4 hrs away from them now.  Their father says the only reason he filed for custody is because I moved.  Come to find out he filed for custody 2 days before I moved.  He knew of my intentions to move so that I can have a support system(as neither of us have family in NC).  Called myself moving so that I can get on my feet and work my way off public assistance.  The county we lived in denied his lawyers request to have it moved to his county  My lawyer ups and hollars that I can go and get the children.  His lawyer and himself heard this.  He then turned around the very next day (kept the children home from school) and filed emergency custody.  I had to call the county where he lives to find out where the children were going to school because he accuses them of lying about going to school.  The atty for his school district called me and told me where they are going to school.  They gave him something callled status quo.  The judge gave stipulations that include I can only visit with them on Saturdays from 9-6.  Also, they cannot leave his county.  I do not know anyone in his county.  Do not have money for a hotel in order to visit with them.  Do not have the money to go store shopping with them for that length of time.  I do not have a car.  My lawyer is not talking to me.  The paralegal says that when he says he is going to talk to a client it will be his voice through them sort of speak(the paralegal and the receptionist).  I have been informed that since he has not been retained for the county their father lives in, he is not doing anymore leg work til he is paid.  He is not working on changing the visitation, a court date or anything.  He changed his fee from 500 to 1000 for going to the other county one time and that county is only 45 minutes away from where the children and I were staying.  Do not have the money for a new atty either.  I have sank into a deep depression and cry almost everyday not having my children with me.  DON"T KNOW WHAT TO DO...  Need someone to guide me and help me with this... LOST without my children... Need help fighting this