Sign up for the Dr. Phil Newsletter
Twitter Facebook YouTube

2012 Shows

 
(Original Air Date: 10/05/12) Three percent of all children born in the United States each year are the product of extra-marital affairs. What happens when these children -- a result of lies and deception -- grow up and learn the circumstances surrounding their birth? Germaine says she is five months pregnant and engaged to Trevor, the father of her unborn child. But, Trevor already has a wife. Germaine says Trevor constantly lies to her and his wife, and she wants to know if he is ready to end the deceit and commit to her. Hear what Dr. Phil thinks about the future of their relationship. Then, Krista says she was 11 years old when she learned she was the product of an affair, and her world came crashing down. She says the pain, anger and guilt she feels affects every area of her life, including driving a wedge between her and her husband of 11 years. Will an emotional exercise with Germaine help Krista find a new perspective on life? And, will Germaine and Trevor begin to understand how their behavior may have lifelong consequences for their unborn child?

Find out what happened on the show.
Comments
Replied By: marijkeholland on Jul 19, 2013, 11:57AM
Dear Krista, today the Dr. Phil show was on tv in Holland. And I was touched by your story. There is something that came into my mind, that I would like to share with you. It is a lie that you are blamed for the actions of your mother and/or father. God created you and He loves you. Thats a reason to live. The devil is giving you thoughts the make you hate yourself and to destroy your life. And you are believing those thoughts and keep repeating them. Try to search for the truth, to have an encounter with God or Jesus, so you can embrase the truth and His love. I just want to say it's brave of you to tell your story and be honest with your man. I wish you both a lot of love an all good!
 
Replied By: xnightingale17 on May 22, 2013, 11:53AM
I just knew about Dr. Phil's show through my mom because we don't have a tv at home. And since the day that I did, I just went on watching all the other episodes of Dr. Phil in youtube. Before I watched this show, I actually wrote to Dr. Phil about my situation. I also grew up with a stepfather and didn't know about it until I was 28 years old. The only difference I guess was my biological father was already separated from his first wife when he had a relationship with my mom. Living in a very conservative country, I believe they didn't plan to have me the way that these people in this episode did.


Certain cirucmstances had allowed my mom to go to the United States that time when she's only a few months pregnant with me and gave birth to me here before she took me back to the Philippines. My father knew about me before my mom left. When my mom came back and tried to reunite with my biological father, he told her that he didn't want to see me. So my mom told me that from that time on, she never wanted to have anything to do with my dad. Few months later, she met my stepfather and got married with him. Living with my stepfather that time was a living hell for me. I never felt loved nor appreciated. He was so strict and kept on telling me that he was just trying to protect me and all that. But I find him unreasonable when it comes to him disciplining me and I still don't buy that till now. My mom only told me the truth last Dec of 2011 and I was 28 that time. And I felt the same way as these people had. I felt lied to and deceived by my own parents.


It's just so funny that when I look at it now, when I went here in the United States 7 years ago, I realized that the name that I was using in the Philippines wasn't the same as my birth certificate, my passport and all of my other legal documents. Plus, the name that I had as a father in my birth certificate is different from the name of the father that I grew up with. I felt so stupid to fall into my stepfather's lies telling me that my mom only did that because that time, he and my mom were into this huge argument and my mom was so mad at him  that she didn't want to put his name on my birth certificate. I believed those lies no matter how stupid it may have sounded. I even asked them, "then why lie about his name just because she's mad? Now I have troubles getting my legal papers and my school records together because I have different names on them." They didn't give me a valid answer but it still didn't ring a bell on me. I still believed he's my father. It's only when my mom decided to get separated with my stepdad the she told me the truth about my biological father.


How did I feel?I was mad. I was mad because of the fact that i needed to go through a living hell because of my stepfather and allowed him to have authority over me, allowed him to degrade him well in fact he's not even my real father. I was also mad because of the fact that my mother allowed that. But, I love my mom so much that I couldn't blame her for what happened. I've seen her go through worst things because of my stepfather that I feel like blaming her about the things that had happened is just going to put her down even more. And I didn't want that. I love her and she's the reason why I didn't really rebelled as much as I feel like I wanted to. I still have resentments towards her but I'm trying to look at the things that she did and is doing for me and that help in me forgive her. I always tell myself that I could lose my mom anytime (although she's not sick or anything like that. I just know that someday, as much as I don't want to think about it, she'll die coz nobody in this world is immortal) and I don't want to regret not loving her enough while she's still with me now.


Besides feeling mad, I also felt lost. I feel l like there's a part of me that I don't know. And it hurts. It hurts even more when my real father rejected me when I tried to contact him. Right now, it still hurts and I still have that desire to meet my real father. I'm just blessed that my Aunt, his sister, talks to me on facebook and accepted me as her neice. Right now,  I choose not to rebel. I kinda used to when I was in college, I cut myself although I didn't become alcoholic or drug abuser or anything like that. I was in and out of relationships because I felt the need to be loved, accepted and appreciated because my stepfather didnt' give me that. He was distant, cold and I only knew him as a strict dictator. But even with the relationships that I had, I was played, got cheated on many times, abused and used. I also had a history of being molested when I was a kid and even when I was in my early/mid 20's.


Right now, I'm not married but I do have a boyfriend that I love dearly and I know that he does too. And I choose not to cheat on him. The only downside is that I have a hard time trusting him fully. It wasn't because he's doing something that would trigger me not to trust him. I just have a hard time trusting people and I am a very jealous and possessive girlfriend. :( Other than that, I also have fears as to how my past and this vacuum that I have inside could affect me in the future. Sometimes, I even doubt myself if I'm a good person although I'm trying to be.


But watching this show helped me and gave me comfort knowing that I'm not alone going through this emotions that I have right now. And I feel so blessed watching this show. Because it made me realize something that I didn't see. I didn't just feel lost that time when I knew the truth, I also felt shame and worthless the way that she did. ANd one thing that's ringing in my ear right now are these words from my pastor.. "You have to allow God to love you in order for you to feel loved." And I guess it's the same with people around us. In order for Krista to feel loved, she needs to allow the people around her to love her. She needs to put her guards down, allow herself to still be vulnerable at times and allow the people around her to give her the love that she needed. She already have the love that she needed, she just needed to accept it. Yes there's always a risk in being vulnerable and getting hurt when you love but you can grow and learn from it. And that's the same thing that I'm telling myself right now.


I just hope that Krista would get the help that she needed in order to heal from the wounds that her past had brought her. I hope she also realize that she has a purpose here on earth. She's not an accident. I am not an accident. Both of us are here for a purpose. And for me, having that knowledge that I have a purpose in life had helped me get through this life and enabled me to keep on trying to choose the right decisions though a lot of peopled had failed me and I myself had also failed several times in the past. 
 
Replied By: heidimb on Apr 30, 2013, 2:56AM
Oh please.. Krista is using the fact that she's a product of her mothers affair as a giant excuse to play around on her husband, and behave badly. I can't believe that Dr Phil supported her!! Surely he must have had some inkling that this was all part of her cunning plan to maintain some integrity, when in fact she is a commitment phoeb who enjoys a little manly variety. That husband of hers should move on, she should grow up and start accepting responsibility for her own bad choices. I bet that approximately three people might have given her a dirty look - and lets face it, everyone has copped a few at some point in their lives, and I don't buy for a second that she truly believes that everyone she sees is "disgusted" by her.. unless of course she has brain damage.. That was nothing more than an undeserved ploy for sympathy.. What a waste of Dr Phil air time :(
 
Replied By: strine on Apr 29, 2013, 9:30PM
The guy lied to her and forged a divorce certificate, how else was she supposed to find out he was lying other than asking his wife if they were still together. She should just get on with her life and make a stable, happy home with her child. The man has no respect for women as evidenced by him making himself out to be a victim of her "not letting things go" and the names he called her. She didn't deserve to be cast as a bad guy when a sociopath used her and then lied to keep her around...yeah here's a dicorce certificate...the baby is better off not knowing someone who will desert it and cast himself as victim (someone with no respect for the child's mother or other women).
 
Replied By: oliviadaley on Jan 25, 2013, 5:02PM
The woman featured on this episode is crying and carrying on about having a baby with a married man... REALLY??? Some people are so stupid and don't use common sense. I feel sorry for a baby born in this situation but have no empathy or sympathy for this woman.... she is too old to be in this situation!
 
Replied By: auntieb23 on Jan 11, 2013, 9:44PM - In reply to germainedvorak
I apologize for my delayed response to your message to me.  I haven't been on the Dr. Phil website or message boards for a while.  How are you doing?  And how is your pregnancy going?  I've thought of you many times in the past few months, especially since your episode re-aired.  My name is Cindi, by the way.  I'm happy to "talk" with you more indepth & answer any questions you may have for me.  I'm not sure what the best way for us to communicate will be but I'm assuming you would prefer not to post everything on the message boards.  I don't know if there is a more confidential way to email one another on this site or if there is a way to exchange personal emails (if you are comfortable with that, of course).  I will check this page often & I look forward to hearing from you!  Take care!


~C   p.s. if you received another message from me its because I'm not sure what happened to the other one I tried to post...so if this is a second message, it's just my lack of technology, lol :))
 
Replied By: auntieb23 on Jan 11, 2013, 9:29PM - In reply to germainedvorak
Hi, Germaine!  I apologize for my delayed response to you.  I haven't been on the Dr. Phil website or message boards for a while.  How are things with you?  And how is your pregnancy going?  I am so glad that this episode was rebroadcast, it brought up the same emotions in me again.  In a weird irony, today is the 21st anniversary of the day my husband & I met.  I'm happy to talk with you more & in more details.  If you prefer not to do it on the message boards just let me know & we can figure out how to get in touch with each other in a more private setting (such as personal email, if you're comfortable with that).  My name is Cindi, by the way.  It's a pleasure to meet you.  Again, sorry for the delay.  I hope you do see this & we can "talk".  Take care!


~C
 
Replied By: daelitesmom on Jan 7, 2013, 8:42PM
I really feel for Krista especially since I was born under similar circumstances, but my egg donor and incubator  actually blamed me for my birth.  I, like Krista, do not feel like I have the right to be on this planet. Parts of my family and my sperm donors family do not feel I belong.  My sperm donors family also blame me for my existence so growing up knowing that everyone knows who I am and who my birth "parents" were was humiliating because I know I am a considered a bastard in society.  I know that both of them feel I am nothing but the scum on the side of the road or on the bottom of your shoe no matter what I achieve in my life I don't matter.  My original birth certificate is proof positive of my insignificance in their lives, there are no parents listed. None.  On 2005 I had a revised certificate done with my egg donor and incubators name on it and when I called her to tell her saying "It's official, I'm your daughter, you're my mother!" Her response? "prove it!"  Thus once again proving I don't matter and should never have existed.  Part is due to the fact that my egg donor and sperm donor were in their teens, I think Dr. Phil should do a show for the children of teen parents.  I hope Krista is able to work things out with her husband.
 
Replied By: sweetfox54 on Dec 31, 2012, 7:42PM
I watched this broadcast ( a repeat I'm sure) and I was so saddened to hear Krista refer to herself as worthless and that she has no value.  How sad she feels this way about herself because of the mistakes her mother and biological father made.  I pray that Krista finds peace through good,sound biblical counseling--and that she and her husband can work things out; it has tobe draining on him to try hanging in there with a woman with issues as complex as hers are.  I also pray that Germain will do what Dr. Phil suggested: concentrate all her loyalty and love to her child.  She needs to forget about Trevor ever fully commiting to her--why would she trust him to do that when he's cheated on his wife for her, then lied to her about the nature of his relationship with his wife?  He doesn't know the meaning of truth!  But I pray her child will not suffer because of his/her father's character deficiencies.
 
Replied By: sagechild on Dec 30, 2012, 5:52PM
The only thing I am certain of is that a child is created because egg and sperm combine.  I am the result of an affair and I've always known it because my parents’ affair continued into my adulthood and they exposed me to it throughout.   My mother never married and my father was always married.  He had more contact with my mother carrying on the affair than he had with me during 17 years of childhood.    Lest anyone think he was thinking of his other children, he has no other children, just a stepchild he had with his second wife (by the way, the second wife was the mistress during his first marriage).  My parents' affair was persistent enough for me to remember their secret meetings from the time I was 4 and for me to remember my mother stepping out on him with other men.  A major "gift" my mother gave to my father was to never demand  that he publicly acknowledge me at any time (my birth certificate says "unknown" and my social security records a phony name because she was trying to "protect" him) and to never demand any financial contribution save alcohol at their secret meetings.  She depended on her parents and siblings for shelter and childcare during the week and refused to let me participate in school activities or have friends because she might have to alter her schedule to accommodate my socializing with other children and on the weekends she took me around to witness her activities (her own concept of “family time”).  To dispense with everyone's stereotyping:  My mother worked a 40-hour a week job continuously throughout her life and in 20+ years of her working that I can remember she was unemployed for three weeks.   She worked for the same company for 25+ years before it closed its doors.    My mother was never lazy, idle or living off the public dole.    I understand how Krista feels and the "get over it" comments are the most un-empathetic, unsympathetic and senseless comments on this board, the worst and most dismissive being the one by the former mistress and mother of a 5-year old (an age at which most children haven't really begun to appreciate the social dynamics that exists around them and as a parent you should know that a 5 year old is developmentally different age than an 7, 9 or 11 year old).  Krista experienced this new paternity information at an age when she had more awareness of the world around her and was maturing and becoming aware of and learning to interact with the opposite sex and when her social ranking and interactions were gaining in importance and then she lost her father.   Everyone here who has experienced it from the child's position knows that being illegitimate or having “murky” paternity has a profound effect.  Some are able to find peace in their own families and in God and others like me find peace by processing the experience and understanding it better.   When I was 14, I toyed with suicidal thoughts because a part of my mother's way of getting away with the affair was isolating and intimidating me, her child, so the dalliances would not be revealed (basic abuser type that she was she probably thought that my social interactions and being close to other people might reveal her to others so she controlled my interactions with people).  She made herself my social world, no friends, no school clubs, no summer activities or trips, and elderly grandmother and sickly grandfather as perpetual babysitter, etc.  I remember trying to talk to her when I was 14 about how I was feeling (at the time I was depressed and sad all the time) and she rolled over (always a bit tipsy after coming from a meeting lover daddy) and went to sleep.  I watched her for a while that evening while she slept and while I was watching her  I realized just how much importance I had and that if I had gone slashed my wrists in front of her or if she'd walked in and found me dead, her second act after the 911 would be to call her lover and plan their next secret meeting.  That conduct would make sense to her.   Lest you think this is my pity party, it's not.   The lesson is this:  parents signal the importance and value of their children by the way they interact with them.  Some parents signal love and responsibility, some signal one or the other or and some signal the absence or near-absence of both.    My mother from birth until I cut her off signaled to me that her first importance was with her lover and herself and next came her reputation in terms of what others knew and were saying about her (note I'm not in the lineup).  I'm fairly certain that the signaling Krista got told her that her place and love within her family was changed or compromised and as a result that she felt less secure and less accepted because she was not a biological child of both parents.  I think Krista hinted at this when she said one day she became her brother's "half" sister.  When she was a child, her parents and family may not have had the necessary insight and sensitivity to nurture her and to help her get better answers and takeaways from the situation.    What the show offered was a chance for her to get a better tool-kit, process it (not compartmentalize it because that always comes back to bite you in the ass) and learn to use as a strengthening experience and not a perpetual wound.    Krista, I really wish you well in adding to that tool-kit and in getting to a better place with this issue.    I’ve looked for resources about children who resulted from affairs  for years and this show was the first time I’ve even seen it addressed at all by considering the child’s perspective at all.  Your appearance on this show helped give a voice to a lot of my own pain and it spurred this message board to fill up with people sharing that they had experienced this too.    All of us are a little less alienated because of you.  On this show you showed some real smarts:  you stated that you understood that you pushed people away and that you did not want to pass own your bad feelings to your child.  You have a lot of inner beauty and goodness and I hope you are able to get some peace and guidance to understand how the revelations have affected your decision making and self-assessment throughout life and that you are able to make a better life for yourself and your family as a result.

Germaine, I realize that the finished show is only about 42 minutes and that the taping is longer, but it is notable to me that Trevor pretty much blamed you for complicating his marriage and treated you like a nuisance in his life.  Did you notice how Trevor was constantly trying to pre-empt and  deflect harsh criticism by calling himself "a jerk", the bad guy, etc?  That is evidence of how self-focused he is.   He had no kindnesses to say about the prospective child or you and did not seem to be concerned at all about the stress the show or the experiment would bring to you.   In fact, people writing on this board questioned the wisdom of this “experiment” with Krista.  Did Trevor?    I was taken aback that you asked what you should do in terms of a future relationship and did not assess the evidence to date.  Trevor's proved his selfishness through his lies and though the agreement to get you pregnant before he's extricated himself from his current relationship.  Blame for the affair is irrelevant at this point and your inquiry really just concerns what you want for yourself and your child.  He is a narcissist.  The reason he wanted you pregnant is so that he'd always have a control lever to pull and something to manipulate you with in terms of his financial support, connection and involvement with the child.  He wants you to need and want him and the baby increased the likelihood that you would need him.  He probably will continue to cast you as his indefinite mistress as long as you allow it.  If he ever married you, he'd be looking for his next woman to manipulate because the gaming is thrilling to him.   He does not want to be committed to your child --he wants to use the child to control and maintain a connection with  you--supercrazyglue if you will.  Don't be flattered--it's not love—it’s a not-so-cheap thrill  that he gets from being wanted by you and in control of you,  of you waiting for him and of you looking to him for a decision before making your own.  Your ceding and holding decisions in abeyance and waiting for him to act makes him important.  The cost of his thrill does not concern him-maybe because he’s either to mono-focused or has no intention of paying the tab, that is being a supportive, committed parent.  My only question is:  Are you using the child for the same purpose?    And if you are, do you think the child is not going to notice between the ages of 5 and 16 and what would be a child's response?   Do you really think that Trevor's going to suddenly become the model of loving, nurturing, supportive parent and a constant source of security for your child for the next 20 years?  Parents signal a child's importance through their action.  Children respond to those signals.  Are you of the opinion that staying with Trevor will signal to your child you were willing to sacrifice yourself so that the child will know his father?   May be it’ll signal to the child that independent of you the child has no value to Trevor and that’s why his mother had to negotiate away herself and her dignity and self-respect to keep a  daddy around?  Has it occurred to you that the child might come to think that he or she was a tool for you to get and keep Trevor in your life?   It roils me that you and Trevor planned to get pregnant while he was still married and that you never looked for a published divorce notice or that you never tried to get a certified copy of a divorce decree from the courthouse yourself  before making these lifelong choices and that you allowed yourself to fall for a flim-flam-sham-and-scam man.  You were being reckless and apparently did not bother to consider the upfront the textbook needs of a developing child for sanity, stability, security and safety.  That you assisted in placing yourself in this position is beyond reason.  Oops happens but you admitted that’s not your situation, and if love obviates reason, it ain’t true love (more like a “ love”  rush that you have to chase to keep in your sights).  True love is supportive and people who truly love each other mostly try to act rationally and in concert to support and promote each other in healthy ways.  Why you accepted and participated in this deceitful behavior with and from him is something you need to explore further.      Please don't think I'm being cruel, but there are a lot of women who self-delude in this situation about the nature of the man and their feelings for the man.  For your own sake and for your child's, you need to aspire not to be one of them?
 
Showing 1-10 of total 241 Comments