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Mental Health

 
From obsessive behaviors, to bipolar disorder and post-traumatic stress, mental health conditions can be debilitating. Are you suffering? Share your story and advice for others.

If you believe you need immediate assistance, please call your local emergency number or the mental health crisis hotline listed in your local phone book's government pages.

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Comments
Replied By: raynebowpromis on Dec 12, 2014, 8:08PM
I finally figured out this summer that I have DID, disassociative identity disorder, also known as Multiple Personality Disorder. For years I have been bounced around from therapist to psychiatrist to 72 hour holds, everyone with their own opinion as to my strange behavior, but no one zeroed in on DID. Unfortunately, rumors have followed me since college that I had schizophrenia, which did not fit my symptoms but was the popular label classmates and well meaning professors gossiped about, thus ruining my college experience.  Later, because of my sudden moments of   childlike euphoria and optimistic future plans, I was diagnosed as Bipolar. This again did not fit my symptoms, as I am not an emotional person at all, neither laughing or crying for months at a  time.

It wasnt until this summer that I stumbled upon a smattering of novels/autobiographical novels, which opened my eyes to the world of someone with DID. It fit me exactly. I have since secretly studied my own erratic behaviors and strange mix of personality traits to find that I have at least 4 distinctive personalities, each personifying an emotion that had been stuffed  over and over again as a child for fear of being beaten and abused if any emotion was expressed.  Stardust -- the angry one. Rayne-- the sad one , Shiloh--the joyful one, and The Governor-- the unemotional intelligent one. 

My two major problems with having DID is that Stardust and  Rayne often sabotage the work that Shiloh and Governor are doing. Stardust and Rayne scare people off,  and so I am always losing friends quickly after making a connection. Secondly, whenever I decide to embark on a new career, take college courses, join a group, etc Stardust and Rayne find a way to sabotage it all and I go fleeing into the night.

I have had a  therapist since May, and though she may be picking up on some hints of my DID, she doesnt say anything and I am afraid to tell her.  I am afraid to tell anyone,  since people are scared of such diagnosises.  I know I will have to put up with these personalities forever, I just wish I could live free and open with others without being ashamed of my problems. Please help.
 
Replied By: sloomis on Dec 12, 2014, 3:27PM - In reply to tori626
If I am reading it right.... I would get like some sort of support group together even on like facebook. As someone who does struggle everyday suppot is the only thing to keep us strong.
 
Replied By: sloomis on Dec 12, 2014, 1:06PM
I suffer with epilepsy and because of that I have major depression and it makes my life hard to the point where if I wasn't one a anti-dression med. I would not be here. It is a struggle and I'm to the point where I'm about to stop taking that med to be able to take my life bcus I no longer want to be here.
 
Replied By: bgriggs on Dec 12, 2014, 12:18AM

My husband and I are exhausted, scared, and worried. His 10 yr. old daughter has become so violent, that we can no longer control her.  She has been in and out of a mental help facility numerous times over the last year and a half.  We've been told there is no help or cure for her and that she will continue to be in and out of the hospital for the rest of her life.  She has become so aggressive, that she physically attacks us, threatens suicide and homicide, and does physical damage to our home.  The periods between her aggression and calm times have become shorter and shorter.  We just don't know what to do anymore. We live in fear for our lives and hers. She recently begged for me to kill her with a knife and swore at me when I said no. Then she threatened to kill her dad and I with a knife.  She was being admitted to the hospital again, when she suddenly tried to choke herself with a coat she wrapped around her neck.  Currently she is at the hospital where she shows violence to others and attacks staff there.  We have been told, once again, she will be released soon and we are going to have to start thinking about the future with how strong and dangerous to others and herself she is becoming. 


A little history on the situation: 


            My step-daughter, whom I will refer to as "S" from now on, was born in May of 2004 to a mother who was drinking and using illegal drugs during and after the pregnancy. Her father was busy working 3 jobs and doing his best to take care of his little girl when he was home.  S was a wonderful little girl and very well behaved.  She was later diagnosed with ADHD, but that is not the problem. 


S's mother was known for drinking a lot and stealing her daughter's ADHD medicine to snort or smoke.  She left most of S's care to her husband.   She was abusive towards S's father both physcially and mentally. S witnessed these attacks many times.  The father never fought back.  He took the beatings.  


Christmas of 2009, S's biological mother moved out without warning.  Leaving S and her father in the home. 


The divorce went through in 2010.  The father,  whom I will refer to as "A", received custody of S and the mother, whom I shall refer to as "M", was allowed supervised visitation every other weekend.  During visitation, it was reported that S was sexually molested by her half brother.  It went through court and there was to be no contact between the siblings.  Sharing the same mother,  S and her half brother did see each other and mother kept it a secret, until S told her father about it. 


Fast forwarding, in 2013 S's mother began seeing her less and less.  A and I started dating and S was very happy to have me around.  M began causing problems and probing S with questions about A's and my relationship.  S was in 3rd grade at this time.  At the end of 3rd grade, S saw her mom for her last weekend visit.  Her mom did not come around at all or try to contact S all summer.  It was by her choice. At the start of S's 4th grade year, M came back into the picture.  While having lunch with S at school, M was asked to leave. She was using vulgar language, scaring the other students,  and asked to not return to the school.  S then continued a downward spiral with grades and attitude. She started lashing out at A and me both physically and verbally. This lead to her first stay in a hospital specializing in people with pyschological problems.  They tried numerous different medications on her and continuously sent her home with no real diagnosis.  The conditions at school and home started to worsen gradually. 


In January of 2014, S was sent to an Alternative Learning School (ALE) at the request of her home school.  She was bullying, being bullied, agressive, and could not handle being in a "normal" class room setting.  S was doing ok with the smaller classes and more therapy, but then again started to bottom out.  In May, S was admitted to the hospital again, but this time S was kept until October. 


In October, S started schooling through the hospital in their Theraputic Day Treatment (TDT), which S continues to go to at this time. Also, A and I married. S showed excitement and wanted to call me mom. S did this for a short time and now just calls me by my first name. We are not sure what caused her to change with this. She has had no contact with her biological mother in over an year.  S has stated she wants to kill her biological mother with a knife. She even came up with the plan to tie a knife to a jack-in-the-box and let her mother open it. When it popped, her mom would be stabbed.  


Over the next few months, S has become very violent and stays at the hospital more frequently. We have been told that there is no help for S and that she will never get better.  We now worry for our lives and hers.  4 days ago, she begged me to kill her with a knife and when I said I would NOT do that, she yelled, " shut the fuck up!"  and told me to "go to hell" Then she said she would kill her father and I with a knife since I wouldn't kill her. She has had to be restrained numerous times over the last few days.  We had to remove all but a bed and dresser from her room.  We live in constant fear of her.  Her outbursts are usually triggered by the word "NO".  It can start from something simple like telling her to tie her shoes, to something more like telling her to do her one chore... cleaning up after the dogs.  We've had to lock her in her room and hold the door. She almost ripped that off the hinges. She's put holes in her bedroom walls with her feet and head. She will kick, bite, punch, slap, spit on, and scratch us and her herself.  She will scream vulgarities at us, talk in a different voice, growl, and spit.  She has banged her head on cement floors, picked her fingernails til they bleed, and thrown things. Her newest things are to roll her eyes back in her head for at least 5 seconds and then attack.  She will go from nice to aggressive in a blink of an eye.  She will tilt her head down and look up at you with an almost evil smirk on her face.  Just sitting calmly, staring us down.  We have found she can control these outbursts.  She can stay quiet when she is trying to listen to what is going on, but will then scream and lash out when she hears something she may not like.  


Yesterday, December 10, 2014,  S was taken to the hospital, where she was put into a room with no furniture.  We had already had to restrain her numerous times in their lobby and it became quite the battle in the room.  They removed the furniture, because during a previous admittance, she had picked up the chairs and table, which  are not light, and thrown them putting a hole in the wall. This time she seemed more out of control and violent.  She was screaming, "those mother fuckers can go to hell", towards the stafff.  She was physically fighting her father and I.  At one point, she grabbed her coat, started walking across the room slowly twirling it,  got that evil smirk again, and then very quickly wrapped the coat around her neck and began strangling herself.  Her father tried to pull her hands off the coat, but that pulled it tighter.  It took us both to get it off her.  One of the staff was able to talk to her enough to get her to walk back to the unit she would be staying on.  


Most of our battles with S last from 2 to 6 hours. Before she was admitted, I had been up for almost 40 hours.  Sleeping was too scarey of a thing to do. We've been told to lock our bedroom door, but she will still get in. She seems to become super human with her fits. We've tried everything from awards with good behavior to straight up being stern.  Every suggestion we have ever had, we've tried.  She is only getting worse.  Now we got a call today, from a new therapist she is seeing at the hospital, and she said we need to start looking more to the future with S.  She is out of control now, but with the onset of puberty and her period, she will get seriously worse.  We have been told to make her a ward of the state, but we don't want that for her. It's not her fault for the way she is.  It's no ones fault.  


We could really use some help with this. We don't want S to be a guinea pig used for different medicines and we don't want to lose her.  Despite everything, we do love her and I love her as if she were my own.  We may not like her at times, but that doesn't change our love for her.  She needs help and we fear she is not getting it.  Changing up her meds to make her "tolerable" for short amounts of time, will not work for any of us.  Her aggression is getting to the point of homicidal and suicidal.  We don't want to see things get to the point of a tragedy happening, but that is the path we are on.  


Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated.  We feel we are at an end with all this and there is no where to go, but down.  The help being offered is full of dead ends and no one seems to know anything.  Please help, if you can.  




Thank you.
 
Replied By: tori626 on Dec 11, 2014, 7:25PM
It frustrates me as a parent of a young daughter who has struggled with mental health issues since she was little and now she is in 7th grade that so many people are ignorant to her struggles.  I get tired of the educators in her life thinking that she is just a brat and not treating what is really wrong as a disability.  She has even said to me that it would be easier to have a visual illness because then people would acknowledge that something is wrong.  It is hard to watch your child struggle with their own self acceptance and then see adults that are supposed to role models treat her so poorly.  There is so much awareness for so many disabilities and yet it seems like this goes unsupported and misunderstood.  I teach special education for a living and have been blessed with a daughter that opened my eyes so that I can do my job better.  I have had so many parents breathe a sigh of relief when they get acceptance and understanding and not judgement.  I wish I could start an initiative to help support kids that suffer from mood disorders, anxiety, ect...  And their families but I don't know where to start.  Thoughts?
 
Replied By: gibbygibbers on Dec 8, 2014, 9:29PM - In reply to crazydanger
Well, you are responsible for going over the edge or getting help if you can't control yourself. She may provoke you, but she has nothing to do with it. But your mother shouldn't be treating you like that. I don't know your situation or what you should do, but like I said, she shouldn't be treating you like that, and you are accountable for your own actions, and you are accountable for you own actions, but she shouldn't be treating you like that.
 
Replied By: gibbygibbers on Dec 8, 2014, 9:24PM - In reply to aeropam
Other people's less-than-loving attitude towards you has no bearing on who you are as an individual. You are still you, you just have a mental disorder. They are responsible and accountable for their own treatment of you, not the othe way around.
 
Replied By: gibbygibbers on Dec 8, 2014, 9:21PM - In reply to witchgirls
Uh... why do you need an emotional support dog? Maybe get  the GoFund thing going, even though I don't believe in asking people for money over the Internet for the professional testing if you can't get the testing done at your school.
 
Replied By: gibbygibbers on Dec 8, 2014, 9:18PM - In reply to haaris
I read the article. It sounds too utopian and unrealistic when he starts talking about the possibilities of a world without the Holocaust among other things and about eliminating negative thoughts and things like that. I don't think that the world would be this paradise-like place if we eliminated negative thoughts, nor does it change the fact that Marilyn Monroe died and the Holocaust happened if we could.
 
Replied By: haaris on Dec 5, 2014, 4:47AM
Here is the link of an article, relating to the#neurobiology of, and the struggle behind,#personalitydisorders (particularly the cluster B personality disorders), that I wrote for a #medicalblog#contest in a journal called #JPMS. Its kinda long article that would need long attention span (or spans - if you decide to read it in episodes). I have tried to make it interesting because there is #LadyDiana in it for the politics fans, then #MarilynMonroe for the vintage Hollywood fans, #AngelinaJolie for the contemporary Hollywood fans and #JoeyBarton for the football fans. Please do read it, share, like and comment as it will help in scoring. Thank you :-)
http://blogs.jpmsonline.com/2014/11/26/the-constant-struggle-towards-mental-well-being-overcoming-the-inner-demons/
 
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