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Dating

 
Whether you're looking for Mr. Right or new to the dating scene, dating has challenges. Are you having difficulty finding “the one” for you? Have you tried online dating? Is your relationship on the rocks because your mate won't commit? Share your stories, experiences and advice.
Comments
Replied By: vnyi13 on Feb 10, 2015, 10:00AM
I do not know what to do. I wish to get on the show and discuss it and expose the situation. I am noticing that ptsd is increasly crippling me mentally and making it harder to let go of him and causing me to chase any man that is just as goodllooking and just as smart. It has nothing to do with size, ladies, it has to do wih his good looks and his brains and his nice slender elegent figure. I also have pcos, which does make it harder to let go, because i have flashbacks of both good and bad things and i am still attracted to him and i just don't find most other men attractive, because he was so model-like and so intelligent computer-wise. This man was a wiz kid and he almost married me and no other man like him wants me. I guess it is a result of my appearance and health suffering and my inability to stand makeup in my eyes and i just don't wear anything uncomfy. I am similiar to the guy, but i am a like a stupider flawed damaged emosional unrational but very reasonable female verison of him. He was the best out there and these dating sites seem to be making it harder and harder to find  a man like him, because the dating sites owners maybe struggling financially, they are hiding almost ALL of the nerd/semigenius/genius hotties, and are trying to keep me on the site to help them make money when i expect a new bf from them all the time and they expect me to pay them or they might kick me off eventually like they did to me on another site after i kept trying to get in contact with one guy or more or maybe some meanie complained about me when i rejected a guy. I am tired of all the less intelligent unattractive men hitting on me and then i feel i have to be nice and politely reject men, but now i am afraid to reject a man or a meanie will get me kicked off another dating site. My ptsd makes it seem as if i didn't moveon, but i did moveon (even was date raped by a short ugly man i got drunk with because i didn't like him and he used me and tossed me and i haven't had sex since; that was a month long fling and he didn't want a baby so it wouldn't work anyways and he dumped me hard on my bday in 2012, which was the same year my exfiance lied under oath about me to get an ro form a rights abusing court to get rid of me like i was gene trash to him, as if he wants me to die via suicide) and the phrase moveon makes me very angry (it means to me: let go of the ex, be slutty like me, and quickly moveon like he never meant anything, and go have sex with another man that you don't love). It sometimes intrusively pops up in my head and then i get angry. There is no hospital that will diagnose and treat/cure ptsd and i have struggled to find a therepist that is willing to help me get better. They all assume that my poor typing skills is evidence of a worse harder to treat illness and my emails are increasly being blocked and spam bucketed. I don't know what to do. I am a lonely old maid a nerd a loser and a little crazy from what my ex and his mean abusive parents did to me. Its a long story. I am not going to let this guy and his folks off the hook, because i still love them, because i am like their son and a good match for him and love him still, but they broke laws multiple times and i will take them to court and charge them with whatever i have evidence of them doing wrong. I will also use the evidence to get my record and case destroyed, because it was the result of their lies and rights violations such as the system's failure to help me obtain legal defense when i needed it and it was obvious that i wouldn't be able to defend myself. The other party lied and gave me a record, so i intend to go back to court and make sure that they are charged for their lies. By going to court i will be taking steps in clearing my name legally and making sure that they learn not to lie/perjure in front of me ever again. They even told their family and friends nasty lies about my mental illness. What i have is not genenic, but is caused by brain damage, mental abuse, past child abuse (i was nonsexually abused a child), and trauma. They don't know me well and refuse to get to know the real me, because they assume the worst and are delusional when they think about me and will not let it go and i won't let it go, because they got me a record and they broke the law to get it. I love him, because he was soulmate and he was a good man until he panicked and ran to his parents over just misintrepreted words. He seems to be the type of man who thinks he knows everything and people like that tend to be dangerous if they think incorrectly about anyone. Those types of men tend to be the types who think they can even practice medicine without a license with help from a doctor in his family. He tried to help me go cold turkey off an addictiive strong dangerous drug and then mistaken the withdrawl for  a genetic psychyosis and like most fools he assumes that all exes are insane when exes actually tend to be addicted to an exbf/fiance's body or fluids or sex or etc. Most men and women don't understand that that is why their exes seem crazy and creepy and "stalky", because most exes who cling to you all most fo them are addicted and i have an addictive personality. I had the best of the best lover/fiance/bf and i ruined it with my big mouth and a few lies i made while going through a stupid drug withdrawl. Telling me to moveon is like telling to to go commit sucide, because ptsd doesn't let you moveon 100%. You relive the sex and breakup over and over again and plus he tried to sort of get me pregnant and it felt good, but i was underweight and infertile, so i am now in some ways healthier physically, but mentally and medically i am a lot sicker than i used to be, because i have a record and ptsd and my hormones are crazy. If i could make all the bad things go away, then i'd be much better. Long story short, i am trying to get help and trying to find a way to expose what happened to me, so many people will know what happened to me and will know the truth about me and my side of the story or case. Then that would help start an antirumor about me the real me and not what those paranoid people, who hurt me, think i am.
 
Replied By: bumblebee43 on Jan 11, 2015, 9:32PM
Need help on wht to think...I have been seeing a guy for almost 3 years now and everytime his kid comes in I'm not allowed around. He says he wants to spend time with her she lives in another state so he doesn't get to see her much. But the thing that bugs me is his ex comes in with his kid he says there is nothing between them and she stays with family. Should I have mixed emotions about this just need advice.
 
Replied By: all1665 on Jan 5, 2015, 5:30PM
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 2 years now and we have been living together for about 9 months... the agreement when we moved into our house was that he would find another job that would pay more so he could split the bills 50/50 with me. I have yet to see this happen. I feel like ive been lenient because he pays child support and I understand its a big deal to have a giant chunk taken out of your paycheck. Im getting to the point where 9 months seems like more than enough time to find a higher paying job. When I try to approach him he just says he isnt qualified for the jobs that are being listed. I realize it is hard to jump into a different industry but this man is very smart and capiable.  Not to mention he is wonderful to me and I love him more than I have anyone... so it really worries me that he might be taking advantage of me... it seems as if he isnt being ambitious because he is down on himself ect. I just need some advice on how to motivate him or if I really am being taken advantage of and I need to make some kind of ultimatum.  I realize that there will always be one partner that makes more..but I feel like we had an agreement and he should stick to that. Im also somewhat old fashioned. .. if its wrong for me to think this way id like some tools to not resent him in the future. 
 
Replied By: kellykinserh on Jan 3, 2015, 1:31AM
I met this guy a couple of years ago...He seemed like a great guy at first (but don't they always??) and we hit it off almost immediately. Soon after meeting him, death struck my family and took the closest person to me...The only one [it seems now] who ever REALLY cared for me. He was there for me through this, I leaned on him, and we moved in together. After a few months he started acting suspiciously. He would leave for work in the morning [only] to return maybe an hour or two later and sneak quietely up to the 2nd floor apartment we shared, barge in like he was trying to catch me doing something I shouldn't be doing! I hadn't given him any reason to mistrust me and to this day he has not caught me doing anything at all, because there's been nothing to catch me doing! 


Maybe a year into this "relationship" something (I won't go details but we'll refer to the situation as "the occurance") happened, I decided this dude is not for me, and I packed my things and left. He followed. "The occurance" had ultimately resulted in him having to move from the apartment we had shared and he put a guilt trip on me with that "I don't have anywhere else to go, I'll sleep in my car" crap. Since he had been there for me in my time of need I let him come and stay where I was staying with friends, but I made it crystal clear to him that there was no such of thing as "US" any longer. We were not going to share a bed (not even now and then, not for the night, NONE). He said that he understood, that he'd "rather be in my life as a friend than not at all," which turns out to be probably the biggest lie of them all (and there have been MANY). But as much as I hate to admit it, I needed him,  I had no one else (and still don't)...It has almost just  gotten to be too much!



Now, I am a fulltime student and I have a fulltime job as a death certificate coordinator for a funeral home. I am fairly intelligent with plenty of common sense as well as street smarts. Have more-or-less been on my own since the age of 15. At this point in my life, all I really want to do is learn all that I can, about as much as I can....better myself and once again become self-reliant and reestablished, and able to stand sturdily on my own two feet so I never again find myself in such a vulnerable state like when I met him. He gets mad after I go to work all day then have to come in and concentrate on my schoolwork rather than hanging out with him! UGH! How immature and inconsiderate is that?? 



I mean am I wrong to take this time to do one thing for myself?
 
Replied By: peacestar on Jan 2, 2015, 5:55PM
I am trying to be a friend to a person who has been married 5 times.  3 of her husbands committed suicide.  She happens to be bipolar.  She has been communicating with a scammer for a year now.  The stories he tells her are outrageous and they have never met in person.  She has also sent him tens of thousands of dollars.  She has exhausted her income for him.  She wears a wedding ring and sent him one. 


Her family is pretty much out of the picture because of current and past drama.  I have told her many times that he is a scammer and so have other acquaintences.  She seems obsessed with him since she literally has no one else in her life.  I don't think I can continue my friendship with her either because of all the drama all the time.  I feel like she is sucking the life out of me even though she has been very helpful to me personally.  I think she lives in her dream world because otherwise she would commit suicide.  Mental health care in our area is almost non existent.  She sees a Dr to manage her meds and that's about all.


Please, any advice would be very welcome. 

 
Replied By: mcphilfan on Jan 1, 2015, 12:02PM
So I met this guy when I was 15 years old and we dated for quite sometime (at that point he did not chew tobacco) and now here we are almost 4 years later after being separated for a few years. He chews tobacco but promised me he would quit (in order to have a chance with me because all those years ago he dragged me through hell and back and I wasn't all that ready to forget). So the other day he comes home and I notice immediately that he smells like tobacco after questioning him about it he told me he had chewed tobacco that day and proceeded on to tell me I would get over it. I am going into oncology and cancer absolutely horrifies me (plus tobacco is disgusting). I would require him to quit with anything including alcohol smoking and other things that are stupid ways to ruin your health. I dont expect him to quit all of a sudden and I dont expect it to be easy for him but I do expect that he puts fourth effort and respects my feelings toward the subject. I love him to death and cried over his dumb ass every single day for about a year and a half (not to mention the endless texts and walking by him over and over in the halls... Yeah I know its crazy but he majorly screwed me over and he knows it). Anyway Id rather cry every day for the rest of my life than to sit and watch him kill himself with this crap. I wont stay if he doesnt quit (and show some respect rather than hatefully telling me that Ill get over it). I do have OCD so things that I dont have control over are what scare me most and I cant control how long he lives and his health and such but he doesnt have to do stupid things that are sure to ruin his health. Is this controling behavior? Is it ok to require this of him? I dont like being told what to do and neither does he and I understand completely its not like I tell him he has to wear this or hangout with these people or be home by 7 or dont text that girl. Like really I feel like the tobacco and the fact that he often disrespects my feelings by telling me that Ill get over it or "Well I hate it for you". Its like I can say that I dont want him to kill bugs with his hands (because gross and Im ocd as can be seriously diagnosed and on the maximum dose of Zoloft) and he goes "hate it for you its a bug hun get over it" ... Uggh irritating... I guess in short Im asking if this behavior is unreasonable or controlling?
 
Replied By: newyorkjudy on Dec 30, 2014, 10:57AM
I have a friend that contacted me about back in July about our grammar school reunion and we decided to get together or dinner one night.  I guess I should say that we are older, but youthful for our age.We are in our late 60's.  He lives in AZ about 3 hours away from where I live, so I really don't get to see him a whole lot.  He had a double lung transplant and his doctors are up my way, so when he is up this way we get together, which has been every month to every two months.  John and I first met in kindergarten, lost touch about 6th grade when I went to another school. So basically, we just reconnected about 6 months ago.  I know he had dated and recently was interested in a woman that after talking they both decided to keep it as friends. I also know he sees me as just a good friend where I on the other hand have fallen in love with him.  He has never made a pass at me and we have been alone together at my place. I don't know what to do about the situation other then go on a diet. I am overweight.  I really want to tell him so bad how I feel but don't want to lose the friendship that we share and  scare him away..  I guess my questions are since I been out of the dating scene for a while, what do I do to get him to see me as more then  a good friend and do I tell him how I feel?    Thanks for any thoughts and advice you can give me.  Judy
 
Replied By: stefanko on Dec 27, 2014, 12:51PM
I have a friend who is in an abusive relationship and I don't know how to help her besides lending my ear. It seems to be escalading and I don't know how to help her. I don't know how far it will go, i.e., to physical abuse. So far it has only escaladed verbally, insults, name calling, etc. I'm on the phone with her right now and she is telling me that he told her that if he couldn't have her, that no body could. 


I said go to the police. She is worried it will make things worse and she down plays the significance of what she is telling me. She tends to buy into the fact that he is telling her its her fault. He has showed up at her door at 2am, shows up at her job, and insists that she quit her job. He accuses her of being with other men and is making her life hell. She wants to quit her job and move but has limited resourses. She says he's an alchoholic. And my opinion of him is that he's a manipulative bully that obviously has serious issues. Its dissheartening at best, and scary at worst. I want to her to stand up for herself. I want her to take this seriously, but she says she's not a fighter. I said you teach people how to treat you. And I think maybe its not her job to teach him..., but how else should it be? It's just really dissheartening. She asked if there were classes or something she could take to learn how to handle people like that better. I'm sure there probably is somehwhere. To Robyn, can you help her? Or can you help me? I know you have a miilion people asking the same thing but I have to ask any way. I have run into this situation before, a women being abused, and feeling powerless to help. 

I want to help but don't know how. Just got off the phone and she says, "Talk to you later."

And I said I hope so.

What do I do? Am I blowing this out of proportion? The only thing I can think of to do..., is write this.
 
Replied By: missyd84 on Dec 25, 2014, 11:47PM - In reply to conde96
You have nothingh to worry about. Your a young girl in college who has plenty of time to find a boyfriend. 

Try joining a club or get into a social event that will help you meet more people. Dont limit yourself to the same places or same people. Expanding your horizons will help you find more guys.  
 
Replied By: conde96 on Dec 25, 2014, 12:44PM
I'm new here... so yeah. I have been single like forever. I don't want to do ! I don't want to be lonely like this. In High School, I was single for a long time. I was like maybe it's not that bad . But I'm in college, and I thought that it will change. I know that I might be quiet  and shy, but still my roommate is quiet and she still got one. Do guys mind giving me some advices? Please...
 
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