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Dating

 
Whether you're looking for Mr. Right or new to the dating scene, dating has challenges. Are you having difficulty finding “the one” for you? Have you tried online dating? Is your relationship on the rocks because your mate won't commit? Share your stories, experiences and advice.
Comments
Replied By: bumblebee43 on Jan 11, 2015, 9:32PM
Need help on wht to think...I have been seeing a guy for almost 3 years now and everytime his kid comes in I'm not allowed around. He says he wants to spend time with her she lives in another state so he doesn't get to see her much. But the thing that bugs me is his ex comes in with his kid he says there is nothing between them and she stays with family. Should I have mixed emotions about this just need advice.
 
Replied By: all1665 on Jan 5, 2015, 5:30PM
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 2 years now and we have been living together for about 9 months... the agreement when we moved into our house was that he would find another job that would pay more so he could split the bills 50/50 with me. I have yet to see this happen. I feel like ive been lenient because he pays child support and I understand its a big deal to have a giant chunk taken out of your paycheck. Im getting to the point where 9 months seems like more than enough time to find a higher paying job. When I try to approach him he just says he isnt qualified for the jobs that are being listed. I realize it is hard to jump into a different industry but this man is very smart and capiable.  Not to mention he is wonderful to me and I love him more than I have anyone... so it really worries me that he might be taking advantage of me... it seems as if he isnt being ambitious because he is down on himself ect. I just need some advice on how to motivate him or if I really am being taken advantage of and I need to make some kind of ultimatum.  I realize that there will always be one partner that makes more..but I feel like we had an agreement and he should stick to that. Im also somewhat old fashioned. .. if its wrong for me to think this way id like some tools to not resent him in the future. 
 
Replied By: kellykinserh on Jan 3, 2015, 1:31AM
I met this guy a couple of years ago...He seemed like a great guy at first (but don't they always??) and we hit it off almost immediately. Soon after meeting him, death struck my family and took the closest person to me...The only one [it seems now] who ever REALLY cared for me. He was there for me through this, I leaned on him, and we moved in together. After a few months he started acting suspiciously. He would leave for work in the morning [only] to return maybe an hour or two later and sneak quietely up to the 2nd floor apartment we shared, barge in like he was trying to catch me doing something I shouldn't be doing! I hadn't given him any reason to mistrust me and to this day he has not caught me doing anything at all, because there's been nothing to catch me doing! 


Maybe a year into this "relationship" something (I won't go details but we'll refer to the situation as "the occurance") happened, I decided this dude is not for me, and I packed my things and left. He followed. "The occurance" had ultimately resulted in him having to move from the apartment we had shared and he put a guilt trip on me with that "I don't have anywhere else to go, I'll sleep in my car" crap. Since he had been there for me in my time of need I let him come and stay where I was staying with friends, but I made it crystal clear to him that there was no such of thing as "US" any longer. We were not going to share a bed (not even now and then, not for the night, NONE). He said that he understood, that he'd "rather be in my life as a friend than not at all," which turns out to be probably the biggest lie of them all (and there have been MANY). But as much as I hate to admit it, I needed him,  I had no one else (and still don't)...It has almost just  gotten to be too much!



Now, I am a fulltime student and I have a fulltime job as a death certificate coordinator for a funeral home. I am fairly intelligent with plenty of common sense as well as street smarts. Have more-or-less been on my own since the age of 15. At this point in my life, all I really want to do is learn all that I can, about as much as I can....better myself and once again become self-reliant and reestablished, and able to stand sturdily on my own two feet so I never again find myself in such a vulnerable state like when I met him. He gets mad after I go to work all day then have to come in and concentrate on my schoolwork rather than hanging out with him! UGH! How immature and inconsiderate is that?? 



I mean am I wrong to take this time to do one thing for myself?
 
Replied By: peacestar on Jan 2, 2015, 5:55PM
I am trying to be a friend to a person who has been married 5 times.  3 of her husbands committed suicide.  She happens to be bipolar.  She has been communicating with a scammer for a year now.  The stories he tells her are outrageous and they have never met in person.  She has also sent him tens of thousands of dollars.  She has exhausted her income for him.  She wears a wedding ring and sent him one. 


Her family is pretty much out of the picture because of current and past drama.  I have told her many times that he is a scammer and so have other acquaintences.  She seems obsessed with him since she literally has no one else in her life.  I don't think I can continue my friendship with her either because of all the drama all the time.  I feel like she is sucking the life out of me even though she has been very helpful to me personally.  I think she lives in her dream world because otherwise she would commit suicide.  Mental health care in our area is almost non existent.  She sees a Dr to manage her meds and that's about all.


Please, any advice would be very welcome. 

 
Replied By: mcphilfan on Jan 1, 2015, 12:02PM
So I met this guy when I was 15 years old and we dated for quite sometime (at that point he did not chew tobacco) and now here we are almost 4 years later after being separated for a few years. He chews tobacco but promised me he would quit (in order to have a chance with me because all those years ago he dragged me through hell and back and I wasn't all that ready to forget). So the other day he comes home and I notice immediately that he smells like tobacco after questioning him about it he told me he had chewed tobacco that day and proceeded on to tell me I would get over it. I am going into oncology and cancer absolutely horrifies me (plus tobacco is disgusting). I would require him to quit with anything including alcohol smoking and other things that are stupid ways to ruin your health. I dont expect him to quit all of a sudden and I dont expect it to be easy for him but I do expect that he puts fourth effort and respects my feelings toward the subject. I love him to death and cried over his dumb ass every single day for about a year and a half (not to mention the endless texts and walking by him over and over in the halls... Yeah I know its crazy but he majorly screwed me over and he knows it). Anyway Id rather cry every day for the rest of my life than to sit and watch him kill himself with this crap. I wont stay if he doesnt quit (and show some respect rather than hatefully telling me that Ill get over it). I do have OCD so things that I dont have control over are what scare me most and I cant control how long he lives and his health and such but he doesnt have to do stupid things that are sure to ruin his health. Is this controling behavior? Is it ok to require this of him? I dont like being told what to do and neither does he and I understand completely its not like I tell him he has to wear this or hangout with these people or be home by 7 or dont text that girl. Like really I feel like the tobacco and the fact that he often disrespects my feelings by telling me that Ill get over it or "Well I hate it for you". Its like I can say that I dont want him to kill bugs with his hands (because gross and Im ocd as can be seriously diagnosed and on the maximum dose of Zoloft) and he goes "hate it for you its a bug hun get over it" ... Uggh irritating... I guess in short Im asking if this behavior is unreasonable or controlling?
 
Replied By: newyorkjudy on Dec 30, 2014, 10:57AM
I have a friend that contacted me about back in July about our grammar school reunion and we decided to get together or dinner one night.  I guess I should say that we are older, but youthful for our age.We are in our late 60's.  He lives in AZ about 3 hours away from where I live, so I really don't get to see him a whole lot.  He had a double lung transplant and his doctors are up my way, so when he is up this way we get together, which has been every month to every two months.  John and I first met in kindergarten, lost touch about 6th grade when I went to another school. So basically, we just reconnected about 6 months ago.  I know he had dated and recently was interested in a woman that after talking they both decided to keep it as friends. I also know he sees me as just a good friend where I on the other hand have fallen in love with him.  He has never made a pass at me and we have been alone together at my place. I don't know what to do about the situation other then go on a diet. I am overweight.  I really want to tell him so bad how I feel but don't want to lose the friendship that we share and  scare him away..  I guess my questions are since I been out of the dating scene for a while, what do I do to get him to see me as more then  a good friend and do I tell him how I feel?    Thanks for any thoughts and advice you can give me.  Judy
 
Replied By: stefanko on Dec 27, 2014, 12:51PM
I have a friend who is in an abusive relationship and I don't know how to help her besides lending my ear. It seems to be escalading and I don't know how to help her. I don't know how far it will go, i.e., to physical abuse. So far it has only escaladed verbally, insults, name calling, etc. I'm on the phone with her right now and she is telling me that he told her that if he couldn't have her, that no body could. 


I said go to the police. She is worried it will make things worse and she down plays the significance of what she is telling me. She tends to buy into the fact that he is telling her its her fault. He has showed up at her door at 2am, shows up at her job, and insists that she quit her job. He accuses her of being with other men and is making her life hell. She wants to quit her job and move but has limited resourses. She says he's an alchoholic. And my opinion of him is that he's a manipulative bully that obviously has serious issues. Its dissheartening at best, and scary at worst. I want to her to stand up for herself. I want her to take this seriously, but she says she's not a fighter. I said you teach people how to treat you. And I think maybe its not her job to teach him..., but how else should it be? It's just really dissheartening. She asked if there were classes or something she could take to learn how to handle people like that better. I'm sure there probably is somehwhere. To Robyn, can you help her? Or can you help me? I know you have a miilion people asking the same thing but I have to ask any way. I have run into this situation before, a women being abused, and feeling powerless to help. 

I want to help but don't know how. Just got off the phone and she says, "Talk to you later."

And I said I hope so.

What do I do? Am I blowing this out of proportion? The only thing I can think of to do..., is write this.
 
Replied By: missyd84 on Dec 25, 2014, 11:47PM - In reply to conde96
You have nothingh to worry about. Your a young girl in college who has plenty of time to find a boyfriend. 

Try joining a club or get into a social event that will help you meet more people. Dont limit yourself to the same places or same people. Expanding your horizons will help you find more guys.  
 
Replied By: conde96 on Dec 25, 2014, 12:44PM
I'm new here... so yeah. I have been single like forever. I don't want to do ! I don't want to be lonely like this. In High School, I was single for a long time. I was like maybe it's not that bad . But I'm in college, and I thought that it will change. I know that I might be quiet  and shy, but still my roommate is quiet and she still got one. Do guys mind giving me some advices? Please...
 
Replied By: groomer1208 on Dec 19, 2014, 4:51PM
I dated my now ex boyfriend for about two and a half years.  He is 20 and I am 21.  About a month ago when we were sitting at home, I brought up the fact that he always says he likes to come home and have a few drinks. This makes me uncomfortable because for one thing he is under 21 and I also worry about the future because I have had alcoholics in my family and I do not wish to be with one but he always says he can control it.  Anyway, when I brought it up it just spiraled downward from there.  He said he needed time and space to think and that for the most part he was happy but there were times when he wasn't.  Up until this particular day everything had been fine he had actually just brought home flowers for me on one of our anniversary's and had text-ed me about a week before all of this just to say I love you because he knows how happy it makes me.  He ended up leaving my house with some of his stuff and I then went by his and took some of my stuff. Now, when we had had fights in the past, we were ALWAYS able to work things out and we had never actually broken up.  Because of this, I had called him the following day which he did not answer to and then I texted him asking if we could talk.  He said the same thing.  That he needed time and space to think.  I asked him if we still had a chance and he said yes and that if we could just keep our facebook status as it is complicated and he agreed.  I did not contact him throughout the following week.  The next sunday (6 days after the "Break") he accidentally texted my mom saying "good night baby (:" which I know was not meant for me.  In fact I know exactly who it was for because I had seen a snapchat of him with this girl that we had both been friends with.  At the time, i did not think anything of it because he was also friends with her.  I confronted him about it on Monday and asked what the heck we were and he said we were indeed broken up.  When I asked what was going on with this girl he said thats how she talks to everyone and thats how he just responded back but for whatever reason I left out the other text messages he had sent my mom which were "i never meant to meet anyone else and I do not even know if it is going anywhere".  I took his excuse and left with it. Although I did contact him again asking if we could do a reconvenment period and he agreed to it. I of course overthink everything and thought he only agreed to apease me so I asked him and he then blocked my number. He then told my friend who went and told me that he no longer wanted to do the reconvenement thing. On Thanksgiving though I saw a picture his aunt had posted on Instagram of the dinner table with him and this girl there as well.  I had a mental breakdown.  I could not believe that only after a few weeks he had brought this girl around to thanksgiving and his family.  I started to believe that maybe he had actually cheated on me! After I sought some professional help I went back to work and THE DAY i went back my work got a phone call from this girls mother asking what kind of dog food I had been feeding the dog my ex and I owned together.  I was so pissed I went to confront him and work and called him the biggest piece of scum I have ever met and told him that as far as I was concerned he cheated on me.  After I left, I called him from my mothers phone (he blocked mine) and asked why the heck he would do that to me and he said he had nothing to do with it.  When I asked him how he could so quickly move on after everything that we had he just said "i guess I move on quick" which i called BS on.  He told me never to contact him again and hung up on me. His mother then called asking if I could tell her what happened and I did she said that if I wanted money back for the dog they would do that. However, she went and told her husband that i THREATENED to come and take the dog so now the father contacted my father saying that if I tried to take the dog they would call the police.  And let me clarify by saying that I NEVER THREATENED TO TAKE THE DOG. The mother is a compulsive liar and told her family that (We never really got along).  The husband also said that I need to stop contacting him (which at that point I had not been) and to stop contacting his friends (which I was not).  I do not know what to think about any of it.  The reason I have such a hard time believing all of this is becasuse the girl he is now sleeping with (he specifically said they are not dating just sleeping together) was the girl he used to call crazy and insane.  She has cheated on every guy she has dated and even told My ex's best friend (who she has slept with) that she wants to have his children. The one reason I find it hard to believe that he cheated on me was because the girl he was with before me did exactly that to him and he had to seek professional help because of it. I was never afraid of him cheating on me for that reason. I am also so heartbroken about everything because he told me that he could see himself marrying me and he used to call the dog and I "his little family".  He would tell me that he needs someone like me in his life to keep his head on straight and when I would question if we are good for each other (which i did because we had many differences) he would always say yes of course we are.  I do not know whether to think he is going through a phase because he is only 20 where he wants to experience other things or not.  Honestly, im ok with that fact that he wants to expiereince other thnigs because I had had the same thoughts but the way he went about it hurt so much.  I need others insights on this.  From what I have said, do you think he is just going through a phase and he will be back or do you think he just did not have feelings for me anymore? Although I have come to realize I will probably be better off without him I sill miss him and love him? We always did have fun together.

 Advice or words of wisdom would be much appreciated!

Thanks   
 
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