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Dating

 
Whether you're looking for Mr. Right or new to the dating scene, dating has challenges. Are you having difficulty finding “the one” for you? Have you tried online dating? Is your relationship on the rocks because your mate won't commit? Share your stories, experiences and advice.
Comments
Replied By: groomer1208 on Nov 23, 2014, 10:29PM
My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 1/2 years.  We have had are issues in the past for example I used to get very easily jealous but I over came that becuase that is not how I wanted to be.  We have always been able to work out our issues and come back stornger than ever.  Nothing has really changed recently.  He would bring me flowers just because and he would text me "i love you" because he knew how happy it made me when I saw it at work.  The only issue we really have is that I am a bit controlling which I want to change about myself and that he likes to drink.  He does not drink heavily just maybe on fridays or saturdays but I am not comfortable with it beccause addiction runs in my family and I have had people in my family personaly affected because of alcohol so when he drinks I get worried and controlling.  One week ago he decided to have a drink because he had a rough week.  Of course I said something tohim about it but left it at that.  the next day I decided to talk to him about it and becaue I have always believed that communication is one of the most important things in a relationship.  It ended up turning into him saying he wants a break.  He has told me he still loves me and that there may be a chance for us in the future.  I have asked him what I am supposed to say to people and he says that we are together but on a break.  the night of the incident however he told me as of right now its over. I do not know what to do.  I still love him and want to be with him after this because I know that he is a great guy but i do not know what he wants.  He says he needs space and time to thing and I should add he has been very stressed lately (work and graduating college although he now doesnt know if its what he wants to do) and I have been trying to give him his space but I only contacted him the first two days after the incident.  I just want to talk to him and ask him what is really going on but I want to give him his space.  My family tells me to just move on but its not that easy.

Please help
 
Replied By: jacklyalltrade on Nov 21, 2014, 7:31PM
I have a situation I'd like views on.

My boyfriend has a daughter with an ex girlfriend. The ex also has an older child, not biologically his. Though she is not his daughter, she is his daughter's half sister. He refers to her as his step daughter, even though he was never married.

My family is somewhat old fashioned. He says blood or not, they are both his girls and he will never take one without the other. My family see his attachment to his ex's child, even though he has no biological or legal attachment, as a red flag that he may not be totally over his ex.

Though he has no legal rights or custody to either, his ex is usually ok with him taking the girls.

With holidays coming up, he was really getting excited about his ex saying he may be able to take the girls for the holiday and wants to bring them to meet my family,

I've gotten pretty mixed reactions from my family as to whether or not the older girl would be welcome. Also, I had a friend point out that since he was never married or legally adopted her, it could be illegal for him to bring her across state lines, which would be required to get to my family.

I know that his daughter is his daughter, but is the older one potential step family or the ex's baggage that my family and I shouldn't get involved with?

In a somewhat unrelated matter, he is a registered sex offender. A friend recently pointed out that as the older daughter is not his biological child, the ex could get in legal trouble for allowing him to have contact with her ten year old.
 
Replied By: deltadawn66 on Nov 20, 2014, 6:24PM
I thought you said eHarmony was a good site, I think some of the pictures are from commercials.  It's so hard to believe anything and so scary to be starting all over at 48.  Are there really good men out there?
 
Replied By: chat_noir on Nov 20, 2014, 4:42PM
     Hey, 26 years old and I've never been on a date.....Well not a real one anyways. I can't just seem to find this so called Mr. Right. I've tried the so called dating websites (at least the free ones.) I find basically pigs and weirdos all the time and pretty much can't see the point anymore. The guys that like me I find boring and the guys I like....well they don't exist. I know that my standards are really high, but is it really too much to ask for someone that can keep me interested without being a jerk? Is it too much to be able to have a healthy debate without hating the other person. I speak a lot about politics and I will not give that up, I enjoy learning new things and I tend to move pretty damn fast. Sometimes I feel like I just don't know how to settle and I don't know if I want to....ever.. As I'm 26 though I can only imagine what things will be like when I'm thirty. So be honest, what the hell is wrong with me...?



By the way, no I'm not one of these girls that just give a guy a chance, he has to fit my needs. Yeah that sounds a bit bitchy, but the last thing I want is to end up with someone like my Dad.
 
Replied By: bambib8 on Nov 19, 2014, 11:16AM
Hi all, I posted this in the wrong place earlier.

I'm in a real dificult place and need some outside input.

I have been dating a man for almost 8yrs now, and we love eachother very much (or at least that's what I'm told, and how I feel) but we are at a place where we are starting to loose ground. In the beginning of our relationship it was much more 1 sided on his part, and he was constantly propossing and telling me he would give me the world if I would just let him. All the propossing however was done in a joking manner and never a true downright propossal, and I would even tell him I would probably say yes if you ever asked me right...

The years have gone by and I have fallen completely in love and would truely love to get married, but at this point it's never even brought up. unless of course I do, and am now told that he will never marry me unless we fix "our" problems.  Little insight here, "our" problems are my not having much if any intrest in sex! It's not that I don't love him, or as he believes I find him discusting.... Not at all, I do however find the constant talk of it and the issue now having become an ISSUE a problem. I now have such an aversion to even the mear mention of sex that it becomes and instant fight if it comes up.

Here's my next dilema, He now tells me that there is no point in getting married because wether legal or not, I'm not going to get anything out of it, because any and all benifits afforded a wife, will go directly to and only to his son should something ever happen to him?? I never asked for anything!! I'm not even sure where that came from, but instanly stung, as I basicly took it as he thinks so little of me that the only reason I would be in the relationship in the first place is to GET something out of it!?

Should I or should I not be offended?
 
Replied By: ab_trish_ca on Nov 11, 2014, 7:00PM
I have been dating this guy for almost a year (10 months)  Things between us have been really sweet, sexy and comfortable.  We only spend weekends together as we live in different places.

I am a confident bbw.  I know loosing weight is healthy and the right thing to strive for.  I try on occassion, I know I'll do it one day.  It has taken me what feels like a life time to love myself "big".  I believe that was a part of the break up of two long term relationships.  I know it was the source of a lot of hurtful envy that only brought out the ugly in me. 

I'm now a beautiful person inside and out.  I love all of me, lesson's learned and I haven't wasted even a moment beating myself up for a couple years. :-)

Anyway...On two occassion the bf makes remarks like "You would be a babe if you lost 100 lbs).

I've talked to him about this (2x now) and he says its for health reasons..but what does that have to do w/ being a babe?  I told him that it really hurt my feelings..he apologized and we moved on.  Then he made the same comment again. 

Other then this he show's no sign of not finding me attractive, he is very sweet and genuinely seems to care a lot about me.

Opinions...should I read into anymore or do anything about this?
 
Replied By: lalarose on Nov 8, 2014, 8:52PM
So i met this guy online and we been tlking for 3 yrs and i just got up the courage to actually meet him,we fell inlove we talked about having a family.I love him hes been there for me..but recently I broke it off because i kept him waiting and i couldn't do that to him anymore...you see I have a child and her father his active in herlife but he his very controlling,physical and emotional i been with him for 12 yrs now and i cant seem to break free from him and he even told me he would kill me if he ever find out that i was seeing someone else so im secretly seeing this guy and he has no clue whats goin on the plan was to leave my childs father for good but he wont leave he wont let me be happy he stays with me he has no job he has nothing to offer..what do i do? I know im a bad person i just want to be happy with the guy i met online but i cant seem to break free im trapped in hell was i wrong to break it off with him? Cause here iam promising this man that we will be together and have a family and im no where close to it what do i do please help
 
Replied By: dream28b on Nov 1, 2014, 2:18PM - In reply to snowy1
For one, men's ego and self worth is based a lot upon their sexual ability, stamina and size and performance. So be very delicate and understanding with him when approaching this subject. When you bring it up it becomes an argument because he's really just getting defensive and scared/hurt and shutting the conversation down with an argument. He's making the conversation as unpleasant as possible so you won't approach something so sensitive to him.

Consider in his past relationships he was shamed about his performance in bed. He loves you the most, he wants to please you the most, and has fears of letting you down. He definitely has self esteem issues. Do not ever be mad he is holding back, be understanding, soft and open for him. Also, tell him you are willing to wait because you love him and want him to be happy and only do what he wants but also state that you love him and want this bond with him and feel personally responsible he is having a difficult time being intimate.

Do everything you can to comfort him that there is nothing that would make you turn him away and you know for a fact you will be satisfied, if that's his concern, because it will be with him and that's all you need for it to be perfect. You have absolute permission to steal my phrases lol. Good luck and again, there could be a multitude of reasons he is holding out- he was a virgin before and feels bad giving it up, disappointed his faith or family with last sexual partner, sex was a physical thing for him always and now it means more then that with you and he doesn't know how to make sense of it translating feelings, you mean the most and wants to impress you more then anyone and is self conscious about his size, etc.

Just be patient, listen and NEVER get angry he is holding back. Be upfront but soft with him and explain how it makes you feel and what it would mean to come together like that. That you have no concerns or doubts but will try to understand until he feels the same way.
 
Replied By: snowy1 on Oct 23, 2014, 12:42PM
I'm new here but need some advice. My BF and I have been dating a little over a year.  We have had intimacy issues all along.  His past relationships have not been healthy and he tells me I am the only woman he has ever loved this much.  He is never in the mood, he has had his testosterone levels checked and all is good there.  Whenever we try to talk abou this issue it goes into an arguement. I have tried initiating things and he has turned me down, he always tells me it isn't me but it still makes me very upset and self concious. 


I'm unsure what to do, I have always had a very healthy intimate life with my other long term partners and this is far from fantastic and I need to know what to do to get it there. 


Any input?
 
Replied By: cindirose17 on Oct 15, 2014, 3:34AM - In reply to bychancethomas
I think you described this perfectly
 
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