Dating

 
Whether you're looking for Mr. Right or new to the dating scene, dating has challenges. Are you having difficulty finding “the one” for you? Have you tried online dating? Is your relationship on the rocks because your mate won't commit? Share your stories, experiences and advice.
Comments
Replied By: spiros206 on Dec 2, 2016, 8:22PM - In reply to percy70
Taking it slow can just make the whole thing more painful. That being said I have just had to be fairly "blunt" about ending our engagement because she did not understand cuite clearly about why I was doing it.
 
Replied By: percy70 on Nov 14, 2016, 11:28AM - In reply to krasavka
and I agree no easy ways....to end a relationship without hurting someone, especially if they really care for you. You can try to gradually ease into it. Mentioning the name of the person you feel is better suited for you..imply how you like them in a friendly sort of way. Hopefully that will result in a gentle relaization that it's not working without betraying him. That may be helpful, but in the end it is a painful experience we all have to go through at some point. Being honest about it, the sooner the better, is the kindest way, is the right thing to do.
 
Replied By: percy70 on Nov 14, 2016, 11:21AM
..and needed a place to express it. I had a long term, long distance relationship with a man I really loved even though it was exhausting. I finally couldn't cope with the stress anymore and had to end it. One of the most difficult experiences I've gone through even though it had to end. 


That was in Jan. and although it was relatively recent I hadn't seen him in over a year and didn't know when I would again. I was getting really depressed. I started dating again and in March met someone I really care for. But like so many middle-age relationships it does come with some baggage....especially for him. He had a very difficult marriage that caused him a great deal of pain and then along comes me. On our first date he mentioned how painful it was. He's really scarred from it and it's taken a long time for him to really admit how much he cares for me now.


It's getting serious...I've met my family and he's met mine. When we met both of us said "it works". That mutual feeling of making each other happy and feel good. But he's still so reserved in some ways I find it confusing. Unlike my last relationship he doesn't verbally express what he feels for me....which he acknowledged himself....but said I should judge by the way he treats me in knowing what he feels. And he's very sweet and thoughtful. But I do find it a bit confusing still since I'm used to something so different. I don't know if that's the sign of a problem or just a difference in relationships. I sence he is very serious about us and I feel the same for him. I just wish it were more expressive like my last relationship so I'd feel more secure. It's not fair to expect him to be like my last relationship is it? I don't know what to think and right now I just feel angst.


I want it to keep going well and making each other happy. Since my last relationship was so challenging I truly just want a loving companion to share our lives with. Is that too much to ask since relationships always seem to go past that threshold of initial joy to serious challenges? How do I keep it positive?


I'm finishing a grad. program now and will go to work soon. It's a more intense career position which is another thing that scares me. I don't want the stress of that endangering all the good we have together. Learning how to deal with stress.......and all of the family tragedies I've endured....is what I need to do. But how? If anyone has read this ridiculously long diatribe of personal reflection I admire your stick-tuitiveness and look forward to any advice you have in mind.
 
Replied By: goldfish0519 on Nov 4, 2016, 1:06PM - In reply to chevychick98
I completely understand...im 31...and the guys I meet seem to want one thing...ugh...is it so hard to just want a guy who will treat us good?!
 
Replied By: grahamgood on Sep 8, 2016, 12:16PM - In reply to krasavka
I doubt there is an easy way to do this, and in my fairly limited experience of ending a very short relationship (maybe two but the other one was v. short), the woman involved did feel upset, though thankfully it was only a grief upset before they got on with their lives and met a better match as you describe. I do have a slight feeling that those trying to do the breakup "as painlessly as possible" are to some extent protecting themselves, for example they can justify their actions somewhat by saying how kindly they've tried to do it (a good friend of mine used to do this and I doubt it took away much pain from the rejected partner). My then wife carried on behind my back for about four months and kept emphasising how "the relationship wasn't working." I eventually revealed to her mother that we were splitting "but there was no one else involved I said" - she wasn't fooled as I had been and knew straight away her daughter must have found someone else (as it happens that new relationship didn't last for ever, and each of them have been or are with new partners again).
 
Replied By: grahamgood on Sep 6, 2016, 7:07AM - In reply to krasavka
I doubt there is an easy way to do this, and in my fairly limited experience of ending a very short relationship (maybe two but the other one was v. short), the woman involved did feel upset, though thankfully it was only a grief upset before they got on with their lives and met a better match as you describe. I do have a slight feeling that those trying to do the breakup "as painlessly as possible" are to some extent protecting themselves, for example they can justify their actions somewhat by saying how kindly they've tried to do it (a good friend of mine used to do this and I doubt it took away much pain from the rejected partner). My then wife carried on behind my back for about four months and kept emphasising how "the relationship wasn't working." I eventually revealed to her mother that we were splitting "but there was no one else involved I said" - she wasn't fooled as I had been and knew straight away her daughter must have found someone else (as it happens that new relationship didn't last for ever, and each of them have been or are with new partners again).
 
Replied By: chevychick98 on Aug 28, 2016, 9:12PM
So tired of trying to fit into everybody's idea of what the right girl is or right woman. I feel like I am bashing my head into a brick wall everytime I think things are going well . Cause then it hits like a hammer from out of no where I get burned , used , stepped on , put down ,  used ,  and I am so tired of all this game of love . So crazy that this keeps happening to me and I ask myself what did I ever do to deserve this  ?  How did this ever become my life  ?  I just don't understand how things feel like they are so out of control .  I feel alone even when I am not alone.  It's beyond sad .  It's just unthinkable and I don't feel I am living my life but someone else's . I keep thinking I will wake up and it's all a bad dream.  This is so far from my life then what I ever could have dreamed up and never imagined it would even be close to this .  Help get me off this carnival ride cause this is not me .  Is there any decent guys who are honest and kind and fun out there without hang ups like drinking or jobless or no car ? Please say there still out there !
 
Replied By: krasavka on Aug 17, 2016, 12:55PM
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over three years.  He is a really nice guy and has treated me well, but I have known for some time that this is not the person that I want to spend my life with.  I know that I need to end things with him, but I don't know how to do it without hurting him. He is cluless abot the fact that I am not happy. 

I have met someone else who I feel is a better match for my personality and life goals, and have gone out on a couple of dates with him behind my boyfriend's back.  I am feeling terribly guilty about this and don't know what to do.  
 
Replied By: sunshine2go on Jun 7, 2016, 10:29AM
Last night I watched the Dr. Phil episode about the three young men who were trying to have sex with as many women as possible. They all proudly stated that they were not looking for relationships, just sex. One young man said that if he sees a girl he wants and she is reluctant, he lies and suggests they will have a relationship so he can get the sex he wants and then move on. While it is great that you showed them the flip side of being responsible, they were not shown the flip side of being emotionally responsible. For a lot of women (including the "nice ones" these guys prefer to target for sex) sex is not a sport seperated from the heart and contained in the sexual organs. You guys are hurting women on a very deep level. There are women who are not connected at the heart either, so I am not suggesting this is only true of men. Anyone who is doing this needs to step back and take a good look. Aside from unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted disease, this type of behavior is deeply damaging at an emotion level.
 
Replied By: auntyk on Mar 31, 2016, 11:06PM
When I was young I was sexually assaulted.  Then several years ago I stopped late at a store on the way home and when i was in the parking lot, someone came from behind and I was pinned down on my car by a man w  a gun...Years later..and I'm single and would like to date, but part of me gets really freaked out when  a man likes me too much or gets too close. I want to get over that fear and move on with my life but dont know how? suggestions?
 
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