I am 25 years old and have been talking to a girl I met in graduate school. She is foreign, and I never really been in a relationship before. I am confused how to exactly define what kind of relationship we have. I guess we might be dating, we spend some time together, but I do not know exactly how to tell her I want to be more than friends. I have strong feelings for her, but I do not know when is a good time to bring up the topic because it seems like it would be a jarring shift from what we have been doing or talking about. I am kinda frustrated at the moment. Just looking for some advice, my friends' advice doesn't realty seem to help especially since it seems like I am starting dating relatively late compared to everyone I know in my age range and area.

I am a 27 year old woman and I have lived on my own since I turned 21.  I have an OK job from 9-5 during the week and work in a restaurant on the weekend to makes ends meet.

My boyfriend(30) lives at home with his parents-whom he moved back in with last August(we have been together since Nov).  I understand that the economy is not good and people are doing things they dont necessarily want to do but when is it enough.  He is an incredible thoughtful and caring man but I have been struggling with our relationship lately.  He will tell me he is too tired to come over at night but, its not like I can go there because there is really no place for us to hang out alone besides his bedroom.  I don't mind spending time with his parents but,not all of the time.  He also will jokingly make comments about my pile of laundry on the floor and it being messy...but his mom does his laundry.  He doesn't have a bad job but I think he spends his money on the wrong things and I  dont want  to lecture him about it-I shouldn't have to.  His argument is that he doesn't make enough money to move out anyway...  If I were still living at home I would be worried about saving to move out- not bike parts.

Also-I am currently in my sexual prime and my hormones have been out of control and I want to have sex often so this situation is getting tough(currently intimate 1-3 times a week). I know that may seem like a lot but sometimes it just isn't fully satisfying. I find myself thinking about former partners often and its making me crazy.  All of these things piling up are going to take its toll and I don't want to blow up.



~Frustrated

I’ve been with my boyfriend almost two years. It’s a long distance relationship; two different continents. We make things work. The love and respect we have for one another has made the distance very easy, to be quite honest. That isn’t entirely the problem, and I hope my mentioning that isn’t the focus. I know even if he was in person I would have the problem. I guess you could say I have abandonment issues, I am insecure, and a list of other things. I have severe trust issues, despite him never, ever, not once giving me reason to think ill of him. I’m extremely paranoid. I jump from one innocent scenario to the worst possible.

What exactly does Dr. Phil say about trust? Or, more importantly, how does someone work through their trust issues to let someone deserving have it fully?

Thanks Italygirl for your response...I really appreciate it...I never expected him to remember everything...but considering we don't see each other much...I thought that he would atleast remember the time that we actually do spend...I was trying to be understanding of his schedule...but lately I feel he'd rather be out with his friends instead...so I stop trying.

I've thought alot about what I want out of a relationship vs. what I'm getting...we used to be on the same page about alot of things...we got along so well...not to say that we don't get along...but lately it seems like he doesn't even care..


You're right, I do know.

Let me start out by asking this:

Why do you want to be involved with someone who can't remember his last date with you? When two people are attracted to one another and enjoy each others company they generally date more often than 1x per month.
Do you want more in a relationship? Don't you want more attention?

Consider more thought about what *you* want out of a relationship and compare it with what you have with this person.


Read through your message again. 


I'm guessing you know what you want to do.

Hope this helps.

Italygirl

Hi everyone, I'm new to this, hope I'm posting this right. I need an opinion on a situation I'm trying to deal with...currently I'm dating (or seeing) a guy in the military, he lives several hours away from me. Since Oct. wev'e seen each other once a month, either i would go visit him or he'll come visit me. Recently, we started having issue seeing each other, I try to be understanding because he could leave on assignment at any time. I went to spend my weekend with him in Jan. by Feb he was gone on assignment, by the middle of March he had returned, well I didn't bother him with questions about coming to see me. However when I began to ask him, he started talking about how I'm always asking him to come see him, maybe I should've caught on then and he constantly gave excuses why he couldn't come to visit. Well a week ago we were talking and I texted him a silly picture that we took together and his response was "where did that come from lol" I told him that we took that picuture in Jan. and he says "I don't remember taking that picture" yet another sign of what was to come.  This past weekend, we discussed seeing each other, in the midst of the conversation I mentioned how much of a struggle its been to get him to visit me since I was there in Jan. and he said he forgot that I was even there!. The last visit he remembered was visiting me in Dec on his way to see his family for x-mas..He apologized for forgetting saying that his short term memory was horrible, and that he  felt bad after I REMINDED him about the picture that I texted to him that we took. I haven't been as enthused to talk to him as I once was, I'm too hurt and embarrassed to talk to him. Am I reading too much into it? Or should I just see it as what it is? .....I welcome any advice on this.....

You are very correct! I need to move on. How could a man who loved me always bring my past up and my mistakes from a past before him that I shared with him because I wanted no secrets. I wanted him to know all of me. How could a man who said he loved me always blame me and not see my pain adn not honestly be there like he said he would. How could a man who said he loved me ever say such ugly hurtful and mean things to me and make me feel so little.

I was a fool. His ex's all said the same thing about him. Good friends always told me he expected too much. People enjoyed his company but then many knew he had a problem with seeing someone else's side. Heck he even admitted it openly on a social network. Yet it was always me who had demons and he was the one who had to walk away cause i was the terrible one. I always stayed by his side and beleived in him no matter what I learned or how I felt so low. I always made excuses of the alcohol being what enabled him to say things and act as he did.

I may not have always been perfect, nor may I have always handled all things correctly. Over time I just let the best of me go and just gave up and let him win and let myself loose control. I can say though I still always tried to make it right. He never really would say sorry or even acknowledge his own hateful words or actions. He always avoided speaking of it. It was always about what I said and what I did. I really was a fool!

I think dating online is ok every once in a while. Not for me because I would rather meet some one face to face so I can really experince there true vibes, facial expressions, tone of voice and other very important things to determin wether or not some one is real or fake. Compatable or not. It's really scary these days not  knowing who your talking to on the computer. No one is protecting you but you when it comes to the Internet you have to be carful and hold your information close to you. So imaging if your hiding your street address and last name what is the person on the other end hiding from you?

I think online dating is still kind of lame.  I have never tried online hook ups and I won't even get started on my friends' nightmarish experiences.  A lot of shady people out there.  Just leave it up to God.  It took five years past my broken engagement ti I found my Mr. Right.  When it's right it's right

Hi All!

Hope you'll join me on my journey to into internet dating...and I'm hoping we can share the experience and help each other.

The blog name is:  NewWorld4Daters

I started a blog on the Dr. Phil Blog Community for (ahem) experienced folks who are returning to dating after an absence... or you're giving internet dating a try (one toe at a time).....unsure of what to say...when to say it...how to be safe!  I have questions!  I've read books...met people on both sides of the gym (men and women) and I think we could learn a lot from each other!

Please look for my blog in a few days.  Let's help each other. Cheer each other. Learn from each other! 

I'm not an expert. But, I'm a good listener and I have heard people as confused about this new age in dating as we were learning the metric system in the 60's.

I look forward to meeting you!