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Marriage

 
Have you found your soul mate and started a life together? What has been the easiest and hardest part of being married? How do you maintain the sizzle in your relationship? What are your tricks for succeeding in managing a marriage and family? Share your stories and advice for others.
Comments
Replied By: tcrecelius on Jul 22, 2014, 10:50AM
 
My husband and I have known each other since I was 15, however, we didn't get together till I was 41. My ex husband and I were married for 20 years and my current husband and ex husband have been best friends since the 2nd grade. I have been having an issue with my husband now since out honeymoon. We had rented a Harley Davidson in Maui on our honeymoon and were involved in a head on collision with a Jeep. My husband is having a really difficult time getting over this because it has totally destroyed his credit, the accident happened a little over 6 years ago. What do I do? Do I just live with his depression, I have suggested counseling but he has an excuse as to why he can't go. Anything I suggest on any subject he has an excuse, so I stop giving him advice...
 
Replied By: jcwright on Jul 22, 2014, 9:08AM - In reply to awsamasuas
For me, I did not involve my children in the decision to divorce. I believed this would be too much for them. I just dealt with the repercussions. I seemed to have a fantasy as to how the ordeal would work out, but life is not a fantasy. We survived the divorce, but my ex husband was very revengeful toward me, and did not care whether he hurt the children. He was/is narcissistic, which is a personality disorder, and could not see beyond his nose. Well, if you would like to discuss this more, just email me at fuzzywinkle@earthlink.net.
 
Replied By: awsamasuas on Jul 21, 2014, 9:32PM - In reply to awsamasuas
I am not interested in any new realationships at all right now,  I would love to have the freedom to do wht I want when I want. I have never been on my own before I am 34 yrs old and I have never lived alone I want to focus on myself and my childern and do whts right for us all
 
Replied By: awsamasuas on Jul 21, 2014, 9:26PM - In reply to jcwright
Thank you for your help. I do belive in myself and I know things will work out for the best. It is hard to start the process when things are calm between us right now. I care about him as a person but I acept that I am not in love with him anymore. I do have people in my life who support me nd encourage me, and belive in me. I will be the bigger person nd not let him drag me down anymore. My only other concern is what do I tell my childern what is age appropriate for a 10 yr old and a 4 yr old. I have tried talking to our daughter before  she's 10 but she wont open up to me. I have asked her if there was anything bothering her about me and dad or if she had any questions but she says no nothing is wrong. I know childern see and hear more than we think they do how do I make sure she is ok. Do I ask her what she wants do I tell her I want dad out of the house should she be part of the decision We are all going to be affected by my choice . I want them to have a realationship with thier dad I would never keep them from him. How do I make sure that I am being appropriate in what I tell her. Thank you again so very much
 
Replied By: jcwright on Jul 21, 2014, 2:36PM - In reply to awsamasuas
I knew that my marriage was over, so I knew that I needed an education. Education for me would allow me to raise my children in a higher income bracket. Now, after I completed my education, I started at a lower income level, but I knew that I would be making more money as time went along. I was supposed to leave after I graduated, but I just could not last that long, so I left before I finished. Yes, I was poor, but I did not seem to care.

Then I got a job, then another job. I had goals, and I made them come true. I have found that there were people in my life that really helped me. From bosses to friends. I think you could also find occuring in your life. Do you believe in yourself? There will be people that believe in you.

I found that single parenthood could be lonely, but I would not bring people or potential dates into my life unless I knew they were safe. In other words, I did not jump into another relationship. Many women make the mistake of doing this because they do not want to be alone. I would not suggest this. Make your plans carefully.

 
Replied By: jcwright on Jul 21, 2014, 1:21PM - In reply to awsamasuas
Well, if the relationship is bad enough to leave, you may as well look for assistance from Welfare. Welfare is there for people whom need it. I would have done the same thing, if I needed to. Apply for Section 8 or public housing.


You may want to live with your Mom just so that you can come up with a plan. Plan for your life, and I am not saying that it will not be difficult. It was so worth it to me. I took my life and ran with it. I had to work so hard. I thought that having children would hinder my life, but it just was not so. Yes, I had to plan, scrimp, and work my way up in my career, but I am so happy.


You see, these men want their partners to live in the "toxic toilet" of the life that they have created for themselves. One of my secrets to my sucess is that I am so grateful for everything wonderful in my life. Even the little things.


Do not be afraid of losing your kids. You may have to share custody, but you will not lose them. Some men use the "I am going to take the kids away" card, but it will not happen. You will have to come up with a parenting plan. It is best if you both come up with a plan that is workable. It is not good for kids to lack a parent, so encourage them to have a good relationship with their Dad. Your husband may be a jerk throughout the change, but you can be the bigger person.


Fear of the unknown is scary, but look within yourself and know what you want for your life.
 
Replied By: awsamasuas on Jul 21, 2014, 12:48PM - In reply to jcwright
Thank you for your thoughts I really do want out. But like I said not sure how. Would you please tell me where did you go with no job how did you do it. I am looking for work right now I have applied t several places but concerned my work history is so old and so many others looking too. I hav thought about going to my mothers she has room and would welcome us but she lives in  small mountain town with even less jobs there than here, the school is very small only 2-3 teachers for all grades  my daughter is in the gate program right now thats what I meant about her ed. suffering. Please anything else you could tell me would be appriated thank you
 
Replied By: jcwright on Jul 21, 2014, 12:15PM - In reply to awsamasuas
I was in the same situation that you are in now. I left without a job, and I was in school. I had two young children. I really looked at my life and decided that I did not want to live the rest of my life in an abusive relationship. It was really hard, but I would rather clean toilets then spend another minute in that marrriage. Now skip ahead 16 years later. I am married to a worderful man. I have a good carreer, and my children are grown up and graduated from college. It was not easy, but I would have been a shell of a woman if I had stayed. You need to ask yourself what you really want.


Life does go on, and look at it and envision where you want to be in 5 or 10 years. Dr. Phil says "children would rather be from a bad marriage then be in one" and he is correct.


Some men think that it is their right to treat their partners badly, and it is not their right. By the way, abusive people do not change unless they seek guidance, but it is very difficult for them.


My Ex-husband has remarried and is awful to his new wife, and he is a miserable individual. These issues are deep within them. Sometimes it is best to cut losses.
 
Replied By: awsamasuas on Jul 19, 2014, 2:32PM
My husband  and I have been together for 13 years and I have been concidering divorce for several years now but not sure if its the right thing to do. He is verbally abusive, name calling,puts me down, he will get right in my face screaming at me. He cusses at me and the kids. We have a 10 yr old and a 4 yr old. I have been a stay at home mom for 5 yrs now. He lost his job and we are both home all day every day it has been streesful trying to keep him happy. I have noticed the pattern for a long time ... he will get angry about somethin and start yelling at me, when he calms down it is always the same appoligy..it's not your fault i'm not mad at you it's just.....I have started looking for work which has him very upset. I do not have a plan but he is convinced that me working equalls a divorce. I dont know what to do, what if I cant get a job I dont wantto put my childern in a unknown situation but I cant continue like this. Since I have started looking for work he is trying hard to be nice but i'm afaid it's an act and wont last. I have tried to open my beart to him again but it's been hardened for too long. Recently I found out he tried to get in tkuch with a female friend when I adked him where he went he wouldn't tell me untill I told him I already knew. I don't know if he has cheeted or not but if it was as i nocet as he says then why wouldn't he tell me himself. He is not physically  abusive but we have had fights that have escalated to that point. I dont want to start a war between us but       i'm affaid if i try to leave he will try to keep the kids, this terrifies me the most and is the reason i have stayed          so long. I don't know if i should wsit till he has another temper tantrum or if i should just go and file ,should i wait till i find a job and can support myself and kids without him or do it now while niether of us are working and without a job where do i go if he wont leave. I do have options but school is starting soon and i feel like time is running out. I dont want to disrupt our childrens education but how can i figure this out if my daughter at school everyday and if we have to leave how can i keep her in school with no where to go? If anyone has any advice i could sure use some ideas because i just dont know what to do i ant to do whats best for my childern
 
Replied By: awsamasuas on Jul 19, 2014, 11:21AM
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