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Marriage

 
Have you found your soul mate and started a life together? What has been the easiest and hardest part of being married? How do you maintain the sizzle in your relationship? What are your tricks for succeeding in managing a marriage and family? Share your stories and advice for others.
Comments
Replied By: unholymackerel on Dec 16, 2014, 1:15AM
Have you found your soul mate and started a life together?In late 2004, I met the man who would become my husband. Neither of us were married before, I was 30 at the time and had just went through an amazing transformation from weight loss surgery. I lost over 240 pounds and was enjoying life for the first time. It was a real life Cinderella story, meeting my husband. The happily ever after I had dreamed of all my life. What happens after that? LIFE happens. There was allot of mental damage I was living with and was recovering from addiction and compulsive behaviors. When my husband and I decided to make things permanent- I had to tell him all Ive been through and that life would have its ups and downs. He came from a very loving family and mine was completely the opposite. He was innocent in many ways, in regards to street smarts and I was a survivor. I had been a single mom til I met him- and despite our differences, we made a life together, a great life.

   I would have to say that being married has challenges, we waited four years to get married and looking back I am glad we did. It's hard to truly know anyone completely and marriage is a lifelong commitment. I think many people don't honor that type of commitment too much these days. We have had struggles, who doesn't? But, working through those struggles has made our marriage stronger. nothing feels better than knowing I have a partner in life that I trust and love, that is willing to learn about my mental issues, that became a loving parent, that has morals and honors commitment. I reciprocate in every way because that is what you do for someone you love. Its being equal on give and take. I love being married and being a wife.
 
Replied By: rebecca12 on Nov 3, 2014, 1:15PM - In reply to amanda_s
I have to say long distance relationships are way too hard so do not look in that general area. I come to find that meeting someonen in your own town is best, this way you can activily interact on a weekly basis and truly experience each others personality through fun activities you both enjoy!  Look for someone who has same moral values as you do. (I know its hard but they are out there)... Usually when you, yourself are involved in a community activity or event, or hobbie.. or just have your life going on in a positive way, that is when you end up running into somebody of interest!  Get involved in communnity etc.. hope this works.


Have you ever tried at the college getting involved in activities that are geared towards Coeds?

How about a Museum?   A Comedy Club? Church? 
 
Replied By: rebecca12 on Nov 3, 2014, 1:04PM - In reply to mike76
Hello Sir;

Sorry about your wife.  I understand how you must be feeling because my Ex husband did the same to me. When you give your all to someone you cannot understand why it happened because you are always supportive and there for them.  I attended counsling for myself, but it is also important to go with your wife also.  So you both can move forward, together. Counseling really  helped me to move forward in my life.


Why dont you both start and create knew memories together, and make sure you dont stop dating your wife even after marrying her. When both of you learn to put each other first things should start to be better. It will

take time for you to pssibly trust her again, but that is only normal, learn to communicate with one another about all things since your a couple. Communication is key. And do not bring up her past or you will never be able to move forward... But take care of yourself as well..good luck! 
 
Replied By: mike76 on Nov 2, 2014, 11:29PM
Please forgive me for possibly posting in the wrong place and if you don't mind, point me in the right direction. In the meantime, I need some help and/or encouragement from honest good people that have only the best intentions.....           I was cheated on. Its been 2 years ago and we have both been doing all we can to make it work. My love for her and her 3 children has never waivered and its still as strong as it has ever been. We both know she made a mistake and I know it bothers her badly knowing what she has done to me. I really do believe that I forgiv her. The issue is, I have reminders nearly every day. There is always a show, picture, song, car, comment or name that reminds me of it. Again, I love and want her by my side until my last days..... I just don't know what to do. Thank you in advance.
 
Replied By: wingedrunner on Oct 7, 2014, 3:39PM - In reply to amanda_s
Give yourself new exeriences. I would look for new activities to get involved with while you are on this journey to finding a mate. You could travel to new places, go to school or find social events to go to in your area to broaden your search. A site to start is meetup.com its a great site for finding new communities to socialize with from dancing classes, painting, poetry readings, karate and more. 


I would just look for as many activities to get involved with as possible so that you can start making new friends, while learning about yourself...and when love finds you, will be that much more interesting and confident in know what you want.

I hope this generates some ideas.
 
Replied By: amanda_s on Oct 6, 2014, 9:45PM
 
Absolutely had it with cheaters and manipulators who just want to get ther own without a real committment.

I am a good woman, honest, loyal, caring, affectionate, independent and optomistic.

Still believe in love and hoping to find my life Partner sometime in the near future.

My question is where is the ideal place(s) to meet a man as I don't like bars and online dating?

Thanks
 
Replied By: wingedrunner on Oct 1, 2014, 4:57PM - In reply to kkathleen82
Thank you for sharing this and being vulnerable on a public site about the realities of marriage. Very inspiring to listen to.
 
Replied By: wingedrunner on Oct 1, 2014, 4:47PM - In reply to sadwife1963
When the sex stops...life gets difficult, especially if your love language is physical touch. Sex is a powerful aspect in a connection and has the elements to build stronger relation or deteriorate connection.  Have you both sat down and had a real converstaion (not nagging, manipulatons or screaming) about what is going on in the bedroom? When I say real conversation, I mean one with a healthy goal insight.



A great book to sit down and start reading is ,'Sheet Music.' This book is amazing for discussion between husband and wife about sexual intimacy, how to build it, where things can go wrong and more. You can read it out loud to one another and discuss the chapters together. Its a great book to at least START talking! If you need some structure to these converstaions.


Its also a great book that helps define some miscommunications that may be happening, and can clarify what you both are looking at. If you dont want to jump into cognitive therapy sessions right away, I would suggest to start here. That way you can see where you get stuck and decide together if therapy is really an option you want to go down.


I hope this helps.
 
Replied By: wingedrunner on Oct 1, 2014, 4:34PM - In reply to mrsconfused
I think, given your side of the story, you need to ask yourself some questions about the promotion of healthy living in your life as well as his? Its not about what check list you have followed to save the marriage, or the number of people (professional or not) that you have talked to, as the goal must be health. Below I have some questions for you to ponder.


What is your community like? Who are you both hanging around with as a couple? Where are you drawing marital inspiriation from? Who is mentoring you both in this trek?


Is parting ways going to be the most healthy thing for you?If you do part ways, what does health look like to you and what is your plan to achieve that health? 


Divorce, or not, there is no judgment, you really need to look at what is healthy for you, and for him. Im not a fan of divorce, but I am a promoter of health. 




I hope this helps a bit to clear up some confusion. I wish you the best.
 
Replied By: kkathleen82 on Oct 1, 2014, 8:24AM

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I apologize for my stuttering in video and I struggle to type as well..Heres my point..When arguing there is very little good that can stem from acting our of emotions immediatly. Fighting is not about winning or being right. Both people in the relationship just want to express how they feel, there are times you may not agree or they may not agree and thats fine you don't have to. My husband and I often tell the other person the story of there day through there eyes, and ill explain my perception of how I interpretted the day (this is usually on days where we did the same things and were with each other the entire day. After the little excercise if you will, it becomes very clear that what I have felt and experienced my day was very different than his.
My advice is also to not allow anyone in my life that makes me feel less than what I truly am.
I percieve divorce sometimes to actually be the easy way out and I'm not a fan of not giving it my all. At least then n the end if everything still fails I know it wasnt bc of me.
Learning to forgive does not mean you forget, or that your not hurt anymore. Sometimes its for yourself saying that your ready to move on and forward.
After my alcoholism, his sex additction and infidelity (paying for escorts) and now my decline in cognitive function and movement disorder...we can get through anything..lifes to precious to waste time unhappy.
 
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