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Marriage

 
Have you found your soul mate and started a life together? What has been the easiest and hardest part of being married? How do you maintain the sizzle in your relationship? What are your tricks for succeeding in managing a marriage and family? Share your stories and advice for others.
Comments
Replied By: spiros206 on Jul 30, 2014, 10:41AM
Trust, faithfulness & honesty. No-one should believe that kids will mend a bad marriage either!!
 
Replied By: luvmydogs4ever on Jul 29, 2014, 6:34PM
My hubby and I were highschool sweethearts .. We married, raised a family (son & daughter), own a business, work hard, adore our grandchildren and are seemingly as happy as if we were in our right minds.  Life wasn't always easy (not that it is now). We had our fair share of ups and downs .. tears and laughter . I am often asked ... " What is the secret to longevity in love' .. and you know, I can't pin point one specifc 'thing' that was the glue that kept our family from falling apart like so many around us,  it is never ONE thing .. it is many things.  Compatability, communication, patience, tolerance and copious amounts of laughter .. are the highest on the 'list'.
 
Replied By: wingedrunner on Jul 28, 2014, 12:01PM - In reply to tcrecelius
That sounds pretty traumatic. Im sorry this happened. No, you do not have to live in the depression with him. Depression, if broken down is just unresolved feelings, emotions, and unforivness, these are all things that must be dealt with by him and not you. When people are depressed around me and are not ready to deal with the unresolved issues I start asking questions to draw them out of it. It gets them to feel more powerful about the situation and also pulls them away from the anxiety of the situation. 


Asking tiny questions a little at a time will help much to find about what is going on inside that complex mind of his. Questions like:

How are you this morning? How is your heart doing? Do you want to talk about what happened? Is there anything I can do to help? What do you need? Is there anything you would like to discuss? and so on.


The point is to ask quuestions that will uncover what is going on inside him. DO NOT PRESS TOO HARD, as this is not an interrogation. IF he does not want to talk about certain issues then move on and respect where he is at. You can ask about other things in his life that are not about that particular issue. Like:

Do you feel connected to me? Do you feel safe? Do you trust that your hearts health is my interest? and so on...

You can follow these questions up with statements that show you are honestly here to help him out of his depression but are not willing to be apart of the depression :


I love you and am hear for you when you are ready to talk about this.

It hurts me to see you so sad, just know that I am willing to work on this with you.

I want you to know that we are team and i will support you any way that I can.


and so on... The point is to let him know about the unity  that you two have and that you are willing to fight for his safety and happiness. Men are all about commradery and marriage is one of the most powerful units around. A husband and wife who are a team are a force not to be reckoned with.


I really hope this helps generate some thoughts on how to interact with him. he sounds like an introvert and a deep thinker. Deep thinker's are the best problem solvers but they forget when to stop and get some help from people who love them.


Best wishes to you.

 
Replied By: tcrecelius on Jul 22, 2014, 10:50AM
 
My husband and I have known each other since I was 15, however, we didn't get together till I was 41. My ex husband and I were married for 20 years and my current husband and ex husband have been best friends since the 2nd grade. I have been having an issue with my husband now since out honeymoon. We had rented a Harley Davidson in Maui on our honeymoon and were involved in a head on collision with a Jeep. My husband is having a really difficult time getting over this because it has totally destroyed his credit, the accident happened a little over 6 years ago. What do I do? Do I just live with his depression, I have suggested counseling but he has an excuse as to why he can't go. Anything I suggest on any subject he has an excuse, so I stop giving him advice...
 
Replied By: jcwright on Jul 22, 2014, 9:08AM - In reply to awsamasuas
For me, I did not involve my children in the decision to divorce. I believed this would be too much for them. I just dealt with the repercussions. I seemed to have a fantasy as to how the ordeal would work out, but life is not a fantasy. We survived the divorce, but my ex husband was very revengeful toward me, and did not care whether he hurt the children. He was/is narcissistic, which is a personality disorder, and could not see beyond his nose. Well, if you would like to discuss this more, just email me at fuzzywinkle@earthlink.net.
 
Replied By: awsamasuas on Jul 21, 2014, 9:32PM - In reply to awsamasuas
I am not interested in any new realationships at all right now,  I would love to have the freedom to do wht I want when I want. I have never been on my own before I am 34 yrs old and I have never lived alone I want to focus on myself and my childern and do whts right for us all
 
Replied By: awsamasuas on Jul 21, 2014, 9:26PM - In reply to jcwright
Thank you for your help. I do belive in myself and I know things will work out for the best. It is hard to start the process when things are calm between us right now. I care about him as a person but I acept that I am not in love with him anymore. I do have people in my life who support me nd encourage me, and belive in me. I will be the bigger person nd not let him drag me down anymore. My only other concern is what do I tell my childern what is age appropriate for a 10 yr old and a 4 yr old. I have tried talking to our daughter before  she's 10 but she wont open up to me. I have asked her if there was anything bothering her about me and dad or if she had any questions but she says no nothing is wrong. I know childern see and hear more than we think they do how do I make sure she is ok. Do I ask her what she wants do I tell her I want dad out of the house should she be part of the decision We are all going to be affected by my choice . I want them to have a realationship with thier dad I would never keep them from him. How do I make sure that I am being appropriate in what I tell her. Thank you again so very much
 
Replied By: jcwright on Jul 21, 2014, 2:36PM - In reply to awsamasuas
I knew that my marriage was over, so I knew that I needed an education. Education for me would allow me to raise my children in a higher income bracket. Now, after I completed my education, I started at a lower income level, but I knew that I would be making more money as time went along. I was supposed to leave after I graduated, but I just could not last that long, so I left before I finished. Yes, I was poor, but I did not seem to care.

Then I got a job, then another job. I had goals, and I made them come true. I have found that there were people in my life that really helped me. From bosses to friends. I think you could also find occuring in your life. Do you believe in yourself? There will be people that believe in you.

I found that single parenthood could be lonely, but I would not bring people or potential dates into my life unless I knew they were safe. In other words, I did not jump into another relationship. Many women make the mistake of doing this because they do not want to be alone. I would not suggest this. Make your plans carefully.

 
Replied By: jcwright on Jul 21, 2014, 1:21PM - In reply to awsamasuas
Well, if the relationship is bad enough to leave, you may as well look for assistance from Welfare. Welfare is there for people whom need it. I would have done the same thing, if I needed to. Apply for Section 8 or public housing.


You may want to live with your Mom just so that you can come up with a plan. Plan for your life, and I am not saying that it will not be difficult. It was so worth it to me. I took my life and ran with it. I had to work so hard. I thought that having children would hinder my life, but it just was not so. Yes, I had to plan, scrimp, and work my way up in my career, but I am so happy.


You see, these men want their partners to live in the "toxic toilet" of the life that they have created for themselves. One of my secrets to my sucess is that I am so grateful for everything wonderful in my life. Even the little things.


Do not be afraid of losing your kids. You may have to share custody, but you will not lose them. Some men use the "I am going to take the kids away" card, but it will not happen. You will have to come up with a parenting plan. It is best if you both come up with a plan that is workable. It is not good for kids to lack a parent, so encourage them to have a good relationship with their Dad. Your husband may be a jerk throughout the change, but you can be the bigger person.


Fear of the unknown is scary, but look within yourself and know what you want for your life.
 
Replied By: awsamasuas on Jul 21, 2014, 12:48PM - In reply to jcwright
Thank you for your thoughts I really do want out. But like I said not sure how. Would you please tell me where did you go with no job how did you do it. I am looking for work right now I have applied t several places but concerned my work history is so old and so many others looking too. I hav thought about going to my mothers she has room and would welcome us but she lives in  small mountain town with even less jobs there than here, the school is very small only 2-3 teachers for all grades  my daughter is in the gate program right now thats what I meant about her ed. suffering. Please anything else you could tell me would be appriated thank you
 
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