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Marriage

 
Have you found your soul mate and started a life together? What has been the easiest and hardest part of being married? How do you maintain the sizzle in your relationship? What are your tricks for succeeding in managing a marriage and family? Share your stories and advice for others.
Comments
Replied By: chromefox on Feb 6, 2015, 10:11AM - In reply to tim374
Honestly, this is going to be the hardest thing you will have to deal with. When your wife creates space it's because she truly feels that she may not be in love with you anymore. In order to bring get back you are going to have to make her come back to you. As long as she feels she can have you and you need her then she has no reason to come to you. She will expect you to chase and beg and plead to be with her. You have to do the opposite. You have to show her your fine without her, if you don't she will see you as weak. Move on with your life as if you don't have an issue and I will bet my stars she will come back and start talking to you, but you have to do all the listening when she comes back. If you fall to meet her needs the next time around she will not do it again. Right now she's in the 80/20 rule, she's thinking of exchanging 80% of what she needs for the 20% of what she wants. Good luck man
 
Replied By: mrsconfused on Feb 4, 2015, 5:19PM - In reply to tim374
The words you used suffocated and confused apply to the situation I am currently finding myself in right now.  The emotional affair she is in is only part of the problem.  If this is the first instance, it takes a long time to get to that point.  There is normally a broken marriage first and a hurting heart before someone can come in and sweep her off her feet. I would suggest first going to a counselor by yourself and seeing if she is open to relationship counseling.  In my case there was a breakdown in the marriage first then another person came in to fill a void that was left by the other person.  I am not saying its right but it helped me realize part of what was lacking in my relationship.  Respect, trust, and unselfishness. Throughout my marriage I felt as if I wasn't heard or I wasn't good enough or if my dreams didn't matter.  Part of this is my past and part of this is my partner stopped listening to me.  Though we communicated, he would not hear me.  I had to tell him I wanted a divorce before he got serious about counseling and actually hearing me.  We are still in counseling but now my heart is conflicted.  On a more positive note I do see hope now with my husband but I have to confess seeing this other man after I asked for the divorce.  We are not truly seperated but are doing an in place seperation.  The thing that I would suggest is have a heart to heart with her.  Be vunerable.  DO NOT condem or go on the offensive.  Try to see things from her side.  She is going through a period of self discovery and great pain.  Be her best friend.  Ask her as a friend would what needs this person fulfills for her. It is going to be hard to hear but leave your emotions out of it. Understand if you demand she not do something it will make it more appealing and exciting.  Show her love and compassion and tell her how much you love her. And understanding try to understand.  A woman's heart is a complicated thing.  I love both men but in different ways.  If you create a safe enviroment to share her heart and her deepest desire, you will learn something incredibly important about her and especially about yourself. You may just grow stronger together or come away with a greater understanding of what not to do next time.
 
Replied By: tim374 on Feb 3, 2015, 10:10AM
Hello All.


I am in a bad spot with my marriage and I am hoping to find some insight.


My wife and I have been together for nearly 20 years (14 married). Yesterday she tells me that she is feeling confused, trapped and suffocated. She says she needs space and time to think things over. Needless to say I was totally blindsided by this. She claims to be going through her mid-life crisis and does not like the life she is living. We are talking tatoos, plastic surgery, etc. 


She had been very protective of her cellphone and online identities recently. I did not think much of it until I happened to notice nearly 400 text messages over the last month to a coworker of hers. I asked her to cease communication with this person until our marriage issues have been addresses and she said she would but I am finding it hard to believe. She has done a complete 180 in the last 2-3 months with her behavior and attitude. My fear is that this "emotional" affair she is having is partly to blame for that.


Can anyone tell me how I give her space but not lose her? I feel her drifting away with every second that passes. This woman is my world, my rock and I can't imagine life without her.


Thanks for your consideration.


T
 
Replied By: mrsbgifford on Jan 15, 2015, 3:24PM - In reply to rebecca12
Tried online dating and that was anything but a good experience. The biggest issue was the attraction for me. I did meet some nice men that ended up wanting sex, they were unsuccessful. Do you have a dating site on here or know where? I'm on eharmony and I think I'm the only one on there.
 
Replied By: traciegs on Jan 15, 2015, 2:14PM
"I feel like I need to get a divorce and end this so called marriage. Yet how can I be sure? Some days I feel more confident of my decision than others. A part of me still loves him or at least I care for him. I don't think I am in love with him, but what if I make a mistake. A lot of people will be affected by what I decide. Maybe I should not rush ahead with this. That's amusing since I have been thinking about it for three years. This whole thing wouldn't even be an issue and I could forget about this divorce, if he would just change his behavior."
 
Replied By: unholymackerel on Dec 16, 2014, 1:15AM
Have you found your soul mate and started a life together?In late 2004, I met the man who would become my husband. Neither of us were married before, I was 30 at the time and had just went through an amazing transformation from weight loss surgery. I lost over 240 pounds and was enjoying life for the first time. It was a real life Cinderella story, meeting my husband. The happily ever after I had dreamed of all my life. What happens after that? LIFE happens. There was allot of mental damage I was living with and was recovering from addiction and compulsive behaviors. When my husband and I decided to make things permanent- I had to tell him all Ive been through and that life would have its ups and downs. He came from a very loving family and mine was completely the opposite. He was innocent in many ways, in regards to street smarts and I was a survivor. I had been a single mom til I met him- and despite our differences, we made a life together, a great life.

   I would have to say that being married has challenges, we waited four years to get married and looking back I am glad we did. It's hard to truly know anyone completely and marriage is a lifelong commitment. I think many people don't honor that type of commitment too much these days. We have had struggles, who doesn't? But, working through those struggles has made our marriage stronger. nothing feels better than knowing I have a partner in life that I trust and love, that is willing to learn about my mental issues, that became a loving parent, that has morals and honors commitment. I reciprocate in every way because that is what you do for someone you love. Its being equal on give and take. I love being married and being a wife.
 
Replied By: rebecca12 on Nov 3, 2014, 1:15PM - In reply to amanda_s
I have to say long distance relationships are way too hard so do not look in that general area. I come to find that meeting someonen in your own town is best, this way you can activily interact on a weekly basis and truly experience each others personality through fun activities you both enjoy!  Look for someone who has same moral values as you do. (I know its hard but they are out there)... Usually when you, yourself are involved in a community activity or event, or hobbie.. or just have your life going on in a positive way, that is when you end up running into somebody of interest!  Get involved in communnity etc.. hope this works.


Have you ever tried at the college getting involved in activities that are geared towards Coeds?

How about a Museum?   A Comedy Club? Church? 
 
Replied By: rebecca12 on Nov 3, 2014, 1:04PM - In reply to mike76
Hello Sir;

Sorry about your wife.  I understand how you must be feeling because my Ex husband did the same to me. When you give your all to someone you cannot understand why it happened because you are always supportive and there for them.  I attended counsling for myself, but it is also important to go with your wife also.  So you both can move forward, together. Counseling really  helped me to move forward in my life.


Why dont you both start and create knew memories together, and make sure you dont stop dating your wife even after marrying her. When both of you learn to put each other first things should start to be better. It will

take time for you to pssibly trust her again, but that is only normal, learn to communicate with one another about all things since your a couple. Communication is key. And do not bring up her past or you will never be able to move forward... But take care of yourself as well..good luck! 
 
Replied By: mike76 on Nov 2, 2014, 11:29PM
Please forgive me for possibly posting in the wrong place and if you don't mind, point me in the right direction. In the meantime, I need some help and/or encouragement from honest good people that have only the best intentions.....           I was cheated on. Its been 2 years ago and we have both been doing all we can to make it work. My love for her and her 3 children has never waivered and its still as strong as it has ever been. We both know she made a mistake and I know it bothers her badly knowing what she has done to me. I really do believe that I forgiv her. The issue is, I have reminders nearly every day. There is always a show, picture, song, car, comment or name that reminds me of it. Again, I love and want her by my side until my last days..... I just don't know what to do. Thank you in advance.
 
Replied By: wingedrunner on Oct 7, 2014, 3:39PM - In reply to amanda_s
Give yourself new exeriences. I would look for new activities to get involved with while you are on this journey to finding a mate. You could travel to new places, go to school or find social events to go to in your area to broaden your search. A site to start is meetup.com its a great site for finding new communities to socialize with from dancing classes, painting, poetry readings, karate and more. 


I would just look for as many activities to get involved with as possible so that you can start making new friends, while learning about yourself...and when love finds you, will be that much more interesting and confident in know what you want.

I hope this generates some ideas.
 
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