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Marriage

 
Have you found your soul mate and started a life together? What has been the easiest and hardest part of being married? How do you maintain the sizzle in your relationship? What are your tricks for succeeding in managing a marriage and family? Share your stories and advice for others.
Comments
Replied By: sadlostwhy on May 21, 2015, 11:56PM
I have been married for over 13yrs and I have 4 children. My husband is not intimate with me we have no sexual relations for over a 1ur and a half. I keep catching him looking at gay porn. I have asked his if he's gay or interest in men and he tells me no. Then tells me his brother molested him when he was young but keeps looking at gay porn. Just so Lost why me what Im suppose to do just don't know any more. I pretend its all ok in front of everyone put a smile on me face but dying inside. Help!
 
Replied By: alholland712 on May 4, 2015, 6:45PM
One problem I see people feel in marriages is the I love you statement. Many people say I love you because...I love you because you're beautiful or because you're smart or I love you because you are successful. That can leave your spouse feeling like what happens if my looks fade, what if I am not successful anymore, what if my inteeligence is diminished. I have a spouse and this is what I say to her on a regular basis...

I love you because I love you. It's my choice,my decision, I choose to love you not because you are smart, not because you are beautiful and not because you are kind, I love you because you are you. No matter what you have or what you do...I love you. I love you at your best and I love you at your darkest and most foul moments, I love you because I love you. I will love you as long as I choose to love. Love is a choice and in my smartest moments.. I will choose to love you forever.

This leaves non evasive thought about my motivations or intentions. It allows her to be confident in my love and in my intentions for the future.
 
Replied By: wiscbirds on Apr 10, 2015, 1:13PM - In reply to kristam3242
Agreeing on a religion & common faith is critical to marital success.  Especially if you raise kids...if you can't agree on which faith to raise kids in...that's a deal-breaker.  It will be nothing but discord if you proceed.

 
Replied By: wiscbirds on Apr 10, 2015, 12:55PM - In reply to kristam3242
I used to believe in marriage but I have changed my mind.  Don't do it.  It gets harder over the years. I am married 15 yrs this year & I wish I could get out of it. Can't afford a divorce.  I am resigned to be miserable i guess, unless my money situation somehow changes & allows me to do it.
 
Replied By: wiscbirds on Apr 10, 2015, 12:52PM - In reply to traciegs
Boy, I could have written your post verbatim!  I am feeling the same way....I keep asking myself how do I know if its really time to get out?  I fantasize about my life single & without the aggravation of living with someone I am increasingly disgusted with.  My kids are young yet, & this will negatively impact them.  also there is no money....one of the catalysts for the marital troubles, he makes a pittance of a wage & has no prospects for improvement.  I'm just plain tired...of it all. The poor communication, his poor treatment of me & the kids....his bad attitude.  I have very little love left (if any) & no desire.  If I won the lotto I think I'd be out tomorrow.  I work part time & cant afford a divorce. It makes me sad, I feel really stuck.
 
Replied By: mladner on Mar 31, 2015, 5:50PM
My husband and I have been married for almost 17 years.  We have two great teenage boys.  We have had to endure a lot of family dynamics due to both of us coming from divorced homes and both sets of parents  remarrying, sometimes several times.  Over the years, we have had to put up with this side and that side and we can't invite this person or they won't come because this person will be there and so on.  Well recently my husbands step sister from his fathers side made a statement that my husband esentially raped her for years while they were younger.  I do not believe this to be true and do believe she made this up for attention.  All of my husbands sisters seem to make up stories to fight for attention whether it is good or negative.  What I am most angry about is that my husband was not angry with the lie that was told, didn't really beleive it was said int the first place and as always wants to sweep in under the rug and forget it like everything else in his family as to not make waves.  I am having a very hard time getting over it and i
 
Replied By: kristam3242 on Mar 30, 2015, 9:13PM
I've been dating and living with my boyfriend for 5 years. He says if he doesn't marry me, he's never getting married. He's so jealous and wants to know where I am at all times. It's probably because I cheated on him at the beginning of our relationship, but I don't know if he'll ever forgive me. I'm a functioning prescription drug addict and former alcoholic. He's bailed me out of jail twice and rubs it in my face that he pays for everything. Thereore, my self esteem is very low. I feel like I'm obligated to be with him because of everything he's done for me, but I also feel like I can't do any better. I feel like I have come a long way to better myself, but get no credit from him! I'm white and he's mexican (born in California, college graduate, great job & family. I'm from Alabama, and had a great career using my Bachelor's degree in music. I am not praised at my current job like he is at his and I'm used to being the best at everything I do and being in the spotlight because I earned it. But he didn't know me back then. He shows love/apologies by buying me things, which was not the way I was raised. I come from a middle class Christian family who puts God 1st. He says he's Catholic, but he's not a practiicing one. I'm afraid that if we get married and have kids, we won't see eye to eye on the Christianity issue and he will make me go back to work very soon after the baby is born, which is not the typical Southern way. I'm fine going back to work when the child reaches kindergarten age, but would like to stay at home with him/her/them until that happens. Just need some advice. Thanks!
 
Replied By: amagrit on Mar 15, 2015, 10:39AM - In reply to mrsbgifford
I, too, tried unsuccessfully online dating sites then I found a local company that offered a paid membership into it's online dating community and in return I received a professional photo session where my profile pictures where taken as well as an introductory video.  Also, to become a member, one had to pass a criminal and credit check.  Needless to say this was not inexpensive but it certainly paid off for me.  My husband and I selected each other from the site at the same time and we were engaged 4 months later.  This 'local' company covered a two state region.
 
Replied By: christiecole on Mar 12, 2015, 3:41PM - In reply to wingedrunner
thanx, am going to give it a try!
 
Replied By: chromefox on Feb 6, 2015, 10:11AM - In reply to tim374
Honestly, this is going to be the hardest thing you will have to deal with. When your wife creates space it's because she truly feels that she may not be in love with you anymore. In order to bring get back you are going to have to make her come back to you. As long as she feels she can have you and you need her then she has no reason to come to you. She will expect you to chase and beg and plead to be with her. You have to do the opposite. You have to show her your fine without her, if you don't she will see you as weak. Move on with your life as if you don't have an issue and I will bet my stars she will come back and start talking to you, but you have to do all the listening when she comes back. If you fall to meet her needs the next time around she will not do it again. Right now she's in the 80/20 rule, she's thinking of exchanging 80% of what she needs for the 20% of what she wants. Good luck man
 
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