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Marriage

 
Have you found your soul mate and started a life together? What has been the easiest and hardest part of being married? How do you maintain the sizzle in your relationship? What are your tricks for succeeding in managing a marriage and family? Share your stories and advice for others.
Comments
Replied By: wiscbirds on Apr 10, 2015, 1:13PM - In reply to kristam3242
Agreeing on a religion & common faith is critical to marital success.  Especially if you raise kids...if you can't agree on which faith to raise kids in...that's a deal-breaker.  It will be nothing but discord if you proceed.

 
Replied By: wiscbirds on Apr 10, 2015, 12:55PM - In reply to kristam3242
I used to believe in marriage but I have changed my mind.  Don't do it.  It gets harder over the years. I am married 15 yrs this year & I wish I could get out of it. Can't afford a divorce.  I am resigned to be miserable i guess, unless my money situation somehow changes & allows me to do it.
 
Replied By: wiscbirds on Apr 10, 2015, 12:52PM - In reply to traciegs
Boy, I could have written your post verbatim!  I am feeling the same way....I keep asking myself how do I know if its really time to get out?  I fantasize about my life single & without the aggravation of living with someone I am increasingly disgusted with.  My kids are young yet, & this will negatively impact them.  also there is no money....one of the catalysts for the marital troubles, he makes a pittance of a wage & has no prospects for improvement.  I'm just plain tired...of it all. The poor communication, his poor treatment of me & the kids....his bad attitude.  I have very little love left (if any) & no desire.  If I won the lotto I think I'd be out tomorrow.  I work part time & cant afford a divorce. It makes me sad, I feel really stuck.
 
Replied By: mladner on Mar 31, 2015, 5:50PM
My husband and I have been married for almost 17 years.  We have two great teenage boys.  We have had to endure a lot of family dynamics due to both of us coming from divorced homes and both sets of parents  remarrying, sometimes several times.  Over the years, we have had to put up with this side and that side and we can't invite this person or they won't come because this person will be there and so on.  Well recently my husbands step sister from his fathers side made a statement that my husband esentially raped her for years while they were younger.  I do not believe this to be true and do believe she made this up for attention.  All of my husbands sisters seem to make up stories to fight for attention whether it is good or negative.  What I am most angry about is that my husband was not angry with the lie that was told, didn't really beleive it was said int the first place and as always wants to sweep in under the rug and forget it like everything else in his family as to not make waves.  I am having a very hard time getting over it and i
 
Replied By: kristam3242 on Mar 30, 2015, 9:13PM
I've been dating and living with my boyfriend for 5 years. He says if he doesn't marry me, he's never getting married. He's so jealous and wants to know where I am at all times. It's probably because I cheated on him at the beginning of our relationship, but I don't know if he'll ever forgive me. I'm a functioning prescription drug addict and former alcoholic. He's bailed me out of jail twice and rubs it in my face that he pays for everything. Thereore, my self esteem is very low. I feel like I'm obligated to be with him because of everything he's done for me, but I also feel like I can't do any better. I feel like I have come a long way to better myself, but get no credit from him! I'm white and he's mexican (born in California, college graduate, great job & family. I'm from Alabama, and had a great career using my Bachelor's degree in music. I am not praised at my current job like he is at his and I'm used to being the best at everything I do and being in the spotlight because I earned it. But he didn't know me back then. He shows love/apologies by buying me things, which was not the way I was raised. I come from a middle class Christian family who puts God 1st. He says he's Catholic, but he's not a practiicing one. I'm afraid that if we get married and have kids, we won't see eye to eye on the Christianity issue and he will make me go back to work very soon after the baby is born, which is not the typical Southern way. I'm fine going back to work when the child reaches kindergarten age, but would like to stay at home with him/her/them until that happens. Just need some advice. Thanks!
 
Replied By: amagrit on Mar 15, 2015, 10:39AM - In reply to mrsbgifford
I, too, tried unsuccessfully online dating sites then I found a local company that offered a paid membership into it's online dating community and in return I received a professional photo session where my profile pictures where taken as well as an introductory video.  Also, to become a member, one had to pass a criminal and credit check.  Needless to say this was not inexpensive but it certainly paid off for me.  My husband and I selected each other from the site at the same time and we were engaged 4 months later.  This 'local' company covered a two state region.
 
Replied By: christiecole on Mar 12, 2015, 3:41PM - In reply to wingedrunner
thanx, am going to give it a try!
 
Replied By: chromefox on Feb 6, 2015, 10:11AM - In reply to tim374
Honestly, this is going to be the hardest thing you will have to deal with. When your wife creates space it's because she truly feels that she may not be in love with you anymore. In order to bring get back you are going to have to make her come back to you. As long as she feels she can have you and you need her then she has no reason to come to you. She will expect you to chase and beg and plead to be with her. You have to do the opposite. You have to show her your fine without her, if you don't she will see you as weak. Move on with your life as if you don't have an issue and I will bet my stars she will come back and start talking to you, but you have to do all the listening when she comes back. If you fall to meet her needs the next time around she will not do it again. Right now she's in the 80/20 rule, she's thinking of exchanging 80% of what she needs for the 20% of what she wants. Good luck man
 
Replied By: mrsconfused on Feb 4, 2015, 5:19PM - In reply to tim374
The words you used suffocated and confused apply to the situation I am currently finding myself in right now.  The emotional affair she is in is only part of the problem.  If this is the first instance, it takes a long time to get to that point.  There is normally a broken marriage first and a hurting heart before someone can come in and sweep her off her feet. I would suggest first going to a counselor by yourself and seeing if she is open to relationship counseling.  In my case there was a breakdown in the marriage first then another person came in to fill a void that was left by the other person.  I am not saying its right but it helped me realize part of what was lacking in my relationship.  Respect, trust, and unselfishness. Throughout my marriage I felt as if I wasn't heard or I wasn't good enough or if my dreams didn't matter.  Part of this is my past and part of this is my partner stopped listening to me.  Though we communicated, he would not hear me.  I had to tell him I wanted a divorce before he got serious about counseling and actually hearing me.  We are still in counseling but now my heart is conflicted.  On a more positive note I do see hope now with my husband but I have to confess seeing this other man after I asked for the divorce.  We are not truly seperated but are doing an in place seperation.  The thing that I would suggest is have a heart to heart with her.  Be vunerable.  DO NOT condem or go on the offensive.  Try to see things from her side.  She is going through a period of self discovery and great pain.  Be her best friend.  Ask her as a friend would what needs this person fulfills for her. It is going to be hard to hear but leave your emotions out of it. Understand if you demand she not do something it will make it more appealing and exciting.  Show her love and compassion and tell her how much you love her. And understanding try to understand.  A woman's heart is a complicated thing.  I love both men but in different ways.  If you create a safe enviroment to share her heart and her deepest desire, you will learn something incredibly important about her and especially about yourself. You may just grow stronger together or come away with a greater understanding of what not to do next time.
 
Replied By: tim374 on Feb 3, 2015, 10:10AM
Hello All.


I am in a bad spot with my marriage and I am hoping to find some insight.


My wife and I have been together for nearly 20 years (14 married). Yesterday she tells me that she is feeling confused, trapped and suffocated. She says she needs space and time to think things over. Needless to say I was totally blindsided by this. She claims to be going through her mid-life crisis and does not like the life she is living. We are talking tatoos, plastic surgery, etc. 


She had been very protective of her cellphone and online identities recently. I did not think much of it until I happened to notice nearly 400 text messages over the last month to a coworker of hers. I asked her to cease communication with this person until our marriage issues have been addresses and she said she would but I am finding it hard to believe. She has done a complete 180 in the last 2-3 months with her behavior and attitude. My fear is that this "emotional" affair she is having is partly to blame for that.


Can anyone tell me how I give her space but not lose her? I feel her drifting away with every second that passes. This woman is my world, my rock and I can't imagine life without her.


Thanks for your consideration.


T
 
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