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Marriage

 
Have you found your soul mate and started a life together? What has been the easiest and hardest part of being married? How do you maintain the sizzle in your relationship? What are your tricks for succeeding in managing a marriage and family? Share your stories and advice for others.
Comments
Replied By: wingedrunner on Oct 7, 2014, 3:39PM - In reply to amanda_s
Give yourself new exeriences. I would look for new activities to get involved with while you are on this journey to finding a mate. You could travel to new places, go to school or find social events to go to in your area to broaden your search. A site to start is meetup.com its a great site for finding new communities to socialize with from dancing classes, painting, poetry readings, karate and more. 


I would just look for as many activities to get involved with as possible so that you can start making new friends, while learning about yourself...and when love finds you, will be that much more interesting and confident in know what you want.

I hope this generates some ideas.
 
Replied By: amanda_s on Oct 6, 2014, 9:45PM
 
Absolutely had it with cheaters and manipulators who just want to get ther own without a real committment.

I am a good woman, honest, loyal, caring, affectionate, independent and optomistic.

Still believe in love and hoping to find my life Partner sometime in the near future.

My question is where is the ideal place(s) to meet a man as I don't like bars and online dating?

Thanks
 
Replied By: wingedrunner on Oct 1, 2014, 4:57PM - In reply to kkathleen82
Thank you for sharing this and being vulnerable on a public site about the realities of marriage. Very inspiring to listen to.
 
Replied By: wingedrunner on Oct 1, 2014, 4:47PM - In reply to sadwife1963
When the sex stops...life gets difficult, especially if your love language is physical touch. Sex is a powerful aspect in a connection and has the elements to build stronger relation or deteriorate connection.  Have you both sat down and had a real converstaion (not nagging, manipulatons or screaming) about what is going on in the bedroom? When I say real conversation, I mean one with a healthy goal insight.



A great book to sit down and start reading is ,'Sheet Music.' This book is amazing for discussion between husband and wife about sexual intimacy, how to build it, where things can go wrong and more. You can read it out loud to one another and discuss the chapters together. Its a great book to at least START talking! If you need some structure to these converstaions.


Its also a great book that helps define some miscommunications that may be happening, and can clarify what you both are looking at. If you dont want to jump into cognitive therapy sessions right away, I would suggest to start here. That way you can see where you get stuck and decide together if therapy is really an option you want to go down.


I hope this helps.
 
Replied By: wingedrunner on Oct 1, 2014, 4:34PM - In reply to mrsconfused
I think, given your side of the story, you need to ask yourself some questions about the promotion of healthy living in your life as well as his? Its not about what check list you have followed to save the marriage, or the number of people (professional or not) that you have talked to, as the goal must be health. Below I have some questions for you to ponder.


What is your community like? Who are you both hanging around with as a couple? Where are you drawing marital inspiriation from? Who is mentoring you both in this trek?


Is parting ways going to be the most healthy thing for you?If you do part ways, what does health look like to you and what is your plan to achieve that health? 


Divorce, or not, there is no judgment, you really need to look at what is healthy for you, and for him. Im not a fan of divorce, but I am a promoter of health. 




I hope this helps a bit to clear up some confusion. I wish you the best.
 
Replied By: kkathleen82 on Oct 1, 2014, 8:24AM

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I apologize for my stuttering in video and I struggle to type as well..Heres my point..When arguing there is very little good that can stem from acting our of emotions immediatly. Fighting is not about winning or being right. Both people in the relationship just want to express how they feel, there are times you may not agree or they may not agree and thats fine you don't have to. My husband and I often tell the other person the story of there day through there eyes, and ill explain my perception of how I interpretted the day (this is usually on days where we did the same things and were with each other the entire day. After the little excercise if you will, it becomes very clear that what I have felt and experienced my day was very different than his.
My advice is also to not allow anyone in my life that makes me feel less than what I truly am.
I percieve divorce sometimes to actually be the easy way out and I'm not a fan of not giving it my all. At least then n the end if everything still fails I know it wasnt bc of me.
Learning to forgive does not mean you forget, or that your not hurt anymore. Sometimes its for yourself saying that your ready to move on and forward.
After my alcoholism, his sex additction and infidelity (paying for escorts) and now my decline in cognitive function and movement disorder...we can get through anything..lifes to precious to waste time unhappy.
 
Replied By: liora18 on Sep 30, 2014, 10:28PM - In reply to awsamasuas
First they yell. Then they get in your face. Then they threaten to put your head through the wall. Then they do. Then they apologize and beg you to take them back. Then it happens again. This time, your arm is broken. Then they apologize and beg you to take them back. Then it happens again. This time, you're in the hospital. Then they apologize and beg you to take them back. Then it happens again. This time, your kids are picking flowers for your funeral.

Leave now. It doesn't get better. Police departments have social workers who can help you and walk you through the process to get a protection order. I did it and do not regret it for a second.

Also, domestic violence happens to people of all economic, educational, and cultural backgrounds. I have a double Masters and own my home. 
 
Replied By: liora18 on Sep 30, 2014, 10:18PM - In reply to sadwife1963
Nagging and throwing a fit won't help. He's probably depressed about something. Don't be the enemy.
 
Replied By: lostconfuse on Sep 29, 2014, 10:59AM - In reply to mrsconfused
As a man who has made my fair share of mistakes, and making my wife feel like it was always my way or the highway, I can tell you that sometimes, we all get an ooportunity to see life from a brand new perspective. Sometimes, the light truly does come on. Sometimes, there is a moment, an event, and it rocks you in a way that causes you to take stock, refelct, and act.

If you continue walking away now, you know exactly what that result will be. But what if this change is real? What will that result be? Are you interested in finding out?

One thing that I will add though, from my perspective. If for all those years, I was the one that was wrong, and I am changing and fixing those things, but everythinig is still awful, maybe it wasn't only me that was wrong in the first place. My point is, if you harbor old negative feelings, constantly doubt and challenge, it isn't much different than putting a drink in front of an alcoholic. If you want things to be better, you have to do your part, and let him do his. If you like the part he is doing, you have to say so, and encourage it. He needs to do the same.

There is something that caused you two to come together in the first place. How much do you want that?

(Note: Most men I know have never been shown how to be a good husband. Many of us come from a "duty" kind of family. It is often counter-intuitive that in order to get what you want, you have to give. Many men don't know that, or don't trust that. I didn't. If you loved him, truly, at one point in your life, then for that reason, give it a chance. All this assuming that there has been no physical abuse in your relationship in which case my advice would be different.)
 
Replied By: mrsconfused on Sep 26, 2014, 7:27PM
I have been married 3 years.  When my husband and I were dating, we knew what direction we wanted to go.  House, kids, and me a stay at home mom.  We dated 1 1/2 before marriage.  We always were good at communicating and the connection was great.  After we married, things went down hill almost immediately.  We moved in together and I took extra jobs so we could put him through college.  We fought quite often about money and the cleanness of the house.  He is a neat freak and a miser.  I am the opposite.  I realized how unhappy I truly was about 6 months ago.  He had just got a good job.  Through a lot of thought and reflection, I realized that I felt very controled, belittled, and neglected.  I felt like I had sacrificed me and my life for what he had planned. We hardly went out with friends and he was always on the game.  He constantly would make excuses if he didn't want to do something. I wanted to see a marriage counselor and he had been resistant to taking charge or seeing that there was an issue.  He did end up going to counseling with me but reluctantly.  When he started showing up late or not showing up at all after 3 months, I felt that he did not care about what I was saying or needed at that point.  I asked for a divorce. I had no intention of a seperation because by this point I knew my heart wasn't in it.  However since I asked him,  he has done a complete 180 and found us a new counselor.  Many people (professional and not) are both giving me opposite advice.  People say to make sure I have done all I can before walking away. I guess my question is will this change last if we both dedicate ourselves to counseling or is it a last ditch effort on his part to save an already dead horse?  Also I am not even sure I want it to work at this point.
 
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