She knows exactly what she's doing! He may believe its disgusting, but since he doesn't have his emotions under control he is enjoying the attention. Flirting comes up in every marriage. But you said he's been down this road before. He's bored, and its not your job to make him happy. Not to be rude, but he sounds selfish and emotionally imature. You can't be his everything. Thats not healthy. Go talk to your pastor.

Swallow your hurt feelings, and you make the first move when you go to bed. I bet he misses you just as much as you miss him. Don't say words, do actions! He will respond and may ask what's going on, but he will like it! you tell him you love him and miss the closeness. I promise, you won't be sorry! Every couple goes thru that.

Very Very good advice! Get with a pastor asap

Ashley, I've been married for almost 29yrs. We were a little older than you. Baby girl, to put it simply; what you two are in is marriage. The reason why he wants to leave is not because he doesn't love you. It's because he doesn't know what to do. Your living like your married, and he did not sign up for what marriage really is. Bills, babies, sickness, ect you get the idea.You can't bail out cuz you don't want to play house any more. when your young, all that goes thru your head is romance, love and sex. Marriage is real hard work.I thought that too! We stuck it out, and now we are each others bestfriend. Only you can decide if your in it for the long haul. Thats marriage. Thats why a lot of couples get divorced because it does get hard.You will change and grow into maturity. As a woman, and as a couple.Is this the person you want to grow old with? Do you want to make babies with him? Do you trust him? Do you respect him? Only you can answer that. don't judge it by hard times, judge it by the long haul. Many blessings to you.

We've been in a relationship for 4 and a half years, so this may drag on. I started dating my fiance when I was 17 and he was 19. He had just came out of a bad relationship, so the first year together was a struggle but we made it through it. We then moved in together and had to make it through all the struggles of sharing the same space and financial as well as household obligations. Then, last April we bought a house together. We thought it would be a good idea to let my friend and her boyfriend rent out our two rooms upstairs so that we could have a little extra money coming in. That turned out to be a horrible decision. We told them they had to move out in September. In July I had two seizures and this was the first time I had a seizure. So two ambulance rides and two trips to the ER and many health things connected to that I've had to work with has taken a lot out of our relationship. We were supposed to get married last November, but after all the medical bills we have decided to put it on hold. I still do not know for sure the source of my seizures. All my MRI's, CT Scans, and EEG tests have come up normal. The only thing I could link it to was my birth control. So in December I switched from the pill to Nexplanon which is progesterone based instead of estrogen. Well I tried to stick with Nexplanon for 5 months until I had it removed a couple weeks ago. I bled the entire time while on this birth control (that is implanted in your arm). It has definitely taken a toll on our sex life...which is a big part of our relationship to my fiance. Also due to these seizures, I was unable to drive for 6 months. So I quit my job, because I didn't want to burden people with driving me back and forth. I finished up some real estate classes I had started a couple years back and passed the test to receive my real estate license in this time. Of course, just starting a new career that isn't paying you hourly can take a toll. I haven't been able to contribute as much financially since all of this. And money is another very important thing to my fiance. All these things have made our relationship a little shaky. He acts like every thing is okay when he is at home, but lately has been lashing out at me while he's at work over texts. He told me the other day he was seriously contemplating leaving me and then came home and acted like nothing had happened that day. He'll apologize every time and say he doesn't mean it and say he wants to make it work. Then he'll ask me why I don't just leave him and he tells me that I deserve someone better. I understand we are under a lot of stress and a lot of changes. I mean I'll be 22 in June and he just turned 24. But if this is a serious relationship, then why does the topic of breaking up always come up? I don't know if it's best to continue the relationship or spend some time apart. We're both young and have been such big parts of each others lifes, but I know we both wonder sometimes if were missing something else. But I also don't want to jump out of this relationship just to go out with friends. At what age have you found the one and how did it turn out? I need a crystal ball.

I have read many other postings that somewhat resemble my situation but have not found anything that could possibly help.  

I am married to a wonderful man I met on an online dating site.  As he always says, "The stars aligned!".  We both had previous marriages and are very thankful for finding each other.  We have been together for 3 years and up until the last 6 months, things were beyond our wildest dreams.......extremely happy and in love.  We are middle-aged and have no children at home (they are grown).  

What I have noticed in the past 6 months is a startling change in my husband........and I, being a very open person about everything, mentioned them to him, which has brought us to this stand-still.  First, our intimacy took a gradual decline, then his moods became very distant.  He has become tired, doesn't look forward to anything with the same energy he had prior to this, and he doesn't seem enthused toward me anymore.  I recognized many of these things to be very consistent with depression.  Having been there myself in the past, I sat down to talk to him about what I've noticed.  He admitted being and feeling all of these things, but saying that it wasn't me, it was him.  And he also mentioned that this has happened to him in his prior marriages............where he just felt so "out of it" that all he really wanted was to be alone.  But then he would crave the companionship and another relationship would begin, only to repeat the cycle.  I mentioned that maybe a doctor might be a good start to rule out possible medical problems, maybe prescriptions or therapy.  His reply to that was that he had been down that road before and it didn't help.  

After trying to let it be for a while, and yes, constantly thinking about what could help, I chose to do everything possible to keep myself preoccupied with other things and keeping myself in a healthy state of mind.  But I also told him that I wasn't going to bring this up again, but I would always be here for him if he needed me.  I'm tough and not by any means a quitter.  I also don't think that obsessing about it or nagging him solves anything either.

But in addition to these things, I can't help but notice an awkward situation that seems to occur at certain times.  During family get-togethers, his nephew's wife (they're in their 20's) seems to be doing some inappropriate things toward my husband.  I have seen her come behind him and grab him at the waist, then "caress" his back.  I see her do this with her husband, but no one else.  He then gets very uncomfortable and kind of laughs and distances himself.  Other times, I have noticed that he constantly looks at her and she at him, much like two teenagers make eyes at each other.   I'm not and never have been a jealous type so it's not something I'm familiar with.  However, I am very confused about how to handle mentioning  to her that this isn't really appropriate without causing a riff in the family.  I did mention it to my husband once...................he was shocked and ultimately said that there is no way that anything inappropriate is happening, and that above all, she is his niece and family and would never do anything of the sort!  He then went on to say that he hoped that this wouldn't make him self-conscious every time we all would be together!  So, I do my best to let it go.  It's still very strange to me, all the same.

The last thing in this world I would ever do is hurt my husband's feelings on purpose.  I am just at a loss on how to deal with these things.  Any advice?  

My husband and I got married on December 2009. We knew each other since 2007 and well, lets say that even then we had some not so good moments, but nothing that would be unworkable. We come from very different backgrounds. He's Dominican, I am Puerto Rican and brought up among American Christian missionaries. He comes from a low economic level and I come from mid-high. He worships on Saturday and I on Sunday. We have come to terms on many issues but we still have our differences. The main difference is that I was brought uptaking care of my things and others'. My mom used to say, "If you are not going to do it well, then don't do it at all." Very early on I learned that we were not rich and that what we had, my father had worked for very hard. My parents'  had high expectations of me and so did I. I also learned that things don't always turn out the way you want them to. On the other had, my husband has a tendency towards being careless. His clothes are on the closet floor. He had a car and a year went by that he wasn't able to pay for it's registration. He parked it in front of a business. The car was there for about three months when the owner finally had it towed to the other side of the street and it got smashed so badly, we weren't going to be able to repair it. So, he sold it. Incidentally, he nor his father have the car's title and they need to make an affidavit. It's been more than a year since he sold the car and they haven't done the paperwork. Oh, and by the way, I just learned last night that the guy he sold the car to, quasi repaired it and then sold it again!


My husband also has an issue with pornography. I've caught him 4 times since we got married and I finally gave him an ultimatum because he was being extremely careless with this issue. We have two babies, both very technology savvy. In two ocassions I found his stuff because I was going to play on his phone. I only hit one button when this stuff appeared. It could have been my 2 years old son! I talked to him about it and he would make light of the situation, so I had to draw a line and he decided to get help. However, he hasn't gone back in about 2 months. My defenses are up again...


Since I married him, I don't remember how many times we've had services cut because he didn't pay on time even though we had the money.


But just before I started writing, I had the biggest scare due to his carelessness. I'm at home with my two babies and I hear the oldest in the front of the house, so I start calling him and I hear that his voice sounds a little bit too far. So, immediately I get up, pick up his sister and go to see what's going on. And I see the front gate of the house, wide open with the lock unlocked. I just started trembling. I felt my heart drop. When my husband left for work about an hour earlier I had been in the bathrooms with the kids giving them a bath. I didn't see my husband leave, so I can't be totally certain HE left the gate open. However, while I'm trying to recuperate, my son comes to me with the set of keys my husband had misplaced a few days ago. So I start interrogating him to see if it was him who opened the gate. I took him back to the gate and asked him to open the lock. He tried different maneuvers but he wasn't able to and non of the things my son did would have let him open the gate. At least not the way he was doing it. I am so freaking mad! I am glad that my husband isn't here because I fear I would have lost control.


I can deal with carelessness that makes me work overtime. What I am having a lot of trouble is dealing with the carelessness that is putting my babies at risk. When I spoke to him last year about the pornography stuff, I was very clear when I said that I loved him but at this moment, my children's safety comes before anything else. I don't know what else to do. I don't WANT to end my marriage. To me divorce is a last and extreme option. I REALLY NEED things to change! It is very possible that I will be seeking counseling myself soon.

wathcing a repeat (probably) show regarding husbands wanting post-nups..... on excellent authority.... the love of money is the root of all evil.... these men love money and themselves more than anything else.....EVERY single one of these women should leave now.....it will only get worse..... this issue is NOT a financial issue, it is an issue of a spirit vacant of life....a heart empty of the Spirit of God.  Selfishness and self preservation is the opposite of anything godly. RUN WOMAN RUN!!!!

So sorry to hear what has been happening to you.  You will feel and it is normal to feel anger, sadness and a whole host of feelings about what has taken place.  Right now you are probably in shock and your feelings will catch up and then comes the emotional rollercoaster ride.  I too went through a horrific betrayal  just over a year ago.  I was so devastated and did not know what to do or where to turn so i turned to God and I can honestly say that my life is completely different today.  I found God and have begun a marveolous relationship with him.  The people and healing he has brought into my life is a miracle.  I wanted to die I was in so much pain.  I hope you can find a good church and reach out to the pastor and let him know what is going on and see if he can dirrect you to someone who can walk beside you through this horrific time.  My prayers are with you sweet woman.

hello, I'm not sure where to start.  The last two years of my life have been unreal, finding out my adult daughter had an opiate addiction, also she is a mother to a two year old, so I have been helping her get her life back together, inlcuding putting her in rehab, caring for her daughter and now putting her thru school, naturally she came home to live with us as she had no job/money/or car.  That in itself is a horrific story and I thought I would never get thru it, however I have been hit with the biggest challenge/problem of my life and at times feel I have no reason to go on.  My 22 year old daughter moved in last fall, once out of rehab.  My husband of 5 years has helped me financially to help her.  I need to skip alot to get to the problem as I dont think anyone would read every thing I have to say, so here goes.  I found out two weeks ago, my husband and my daughter (his step daughter) had an affair, right here under my nose.  It started with her begging him to get him high, to shoot him up.....she told him how great sex was when you shoot up.  He gave in after a while and let her do that, then they had sex.  From what I have gathered, this happened 3 times all together over two months.  I dont know where to begin or how to start to begin, I'm numb, I can't work, I cry all the time, the two people I love more then anything in the world.  My entire family has seperated, we are all fighting, everyone has taken a side and this isn't helping me at all.  How could my husband do this?  Why would my daughter do this?  I asked my daughter to go stay with my mom, her grandmother, I asked my husband to leave, the problem is, this is his house, in his name. He left, respectfully, because I asked him to, but he will eventually return.  Financially I can't leave, and if I do, I can no longer financially support my daughter, I know I shouldn't be worried about now but I do, I'm a mom first before anything.  I dont know whether to feel angry, sad or what.  There is no support for people like me, infidelity is one thing, but with my daughter, it's a double whammy.  I'm a social worker in a small town, finding help/counseling is challenging as I know everyone and I"m so embarrassed and ashamed.  I'll take any advice from ANYONE, I"m compeltely desperate and just loosing my mind right now.