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Infidelity

 
Has your partner been unfaithful? Have you been the one to stray? How did you rebuild your relationship? Share your advice and get support from others.
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Replied By: kimtillou on Feb 8, 2016, 11:31AM
My fiancé and I have together for just over 4 years.  We started out perfect, it was absolutely wonderful but then I started to see things the were hurtful and our relationship has never been what it was.  We been through a lot, mainly on his side of looking at porn, chat sex rooms online, inappropriate email replies to women soliciting sexual content, and texting other women about sexual contact.  We have talked and he promises not to do these things anymore, but something else always seems to come up later on...It's become such an issue that I find myself putting up such a wall from loving and forgiving him, that I keep going back and forth as far as staying or leaving.  Some days I love him with everything I have, he's sweet and kind, pays attention, ext...but other days, he's distant, won't talk about our problems/feelings, says mean rude things and plain doesn't care what he says or does and if it hurts me or not.  I've been in a rough state where I can't afford to move out, (no job and Cancer treatments) and I just don't know what to do.  I have mentioned counseling together but he shows no interest in it.  I'm so tired of the vicious cycle of fighting, love/hate relationship we have...I want to be happy and in love, and I want it to be with him because I know his good side and I love him....Can I get him to see or want changes in our relationship? How do I decide when its time for me to stop and move on?
 
Replied By: paranormalmom on Jan 2, 2016, 12:03PM - In reply to donnabean73
Hi Donna,

Hope things are getting better for you.  I completely understand what you're going through!  I had my fiance do something similar and I also put his whore on the internet at www.shesahomewrecker.com.  So now if anyone googles her name, which I'm hoping future employers do, that they will find her.  If you want to put her out there like I did, just go there and facebook to get her pictures.  Take care!
 
Replied By: elliemommy on Dec 9, 2015, 12:13AM
So I had thought I told my husband everything about a past night right after we got married. I was raped and me being stupid and young and not remembering everything decided maybe if I saw him again it might trigger things. Well that wasn't a good idea and I screwed up again. Apparently years later i find out that I didn't tell him that part because a so called friend decided to talk to him about it while discussing her and her husbands issues with my husband. Well now my husband is depressed and suicidal. We have a 6 month old baby girl and are living apart because of him being in the military and me living with my in laws. I'm so stressed out but I know I have to stay strong for my little one and my husband. I'm just getting so worn out. I have apologized many times and tried to make it up to him. He says he wants to work through everything but I won't see him for 6 more months. Some friends keep asking why I just don't get a divorce. I love my husband and don't want to leave. I also have no idea what I'd do if it happened besides go live with my family again. I'm so stressed and at a loss of what to do.
 
Replied By: donnabean73 on Dec 5, 2015, 8:51AM
Dear Carolyn,

It's been a year since you started having sex with my husband. A year since you and he were sneaking around in shady hotels that prostitutes work out of. A year since the two of you were texting and emailing and sending sexy pictures to each other professing your love for one another. A year since you played house with him and secretly brought our children together unbeknownst to them to become part of your secrets and lies. A year since you planned and schemed for my husband to leave me for you.

You're probably thinking - "Get over it, he stayed with you! He loves you!" And yes, I wish I could do that every single day since my world was exploded by your affair. Get over it, move on, fix things, be happy again - it all sounds so easy doesn't it? So here is my question - how would you fix these things?

How would you like to see your 19 year old son lose his first year of college because he couldn't handle the stress of finding out that the man he loved and adored as the closest thing to his real Father was cheating on his Mother with you? How would you help him decide what to do with his future when he decides he can't go back to school because he is still too upset and worried about his Mother and little brothers to even think of leaving them? How would you explain that his now messed up outlook on love and marriage (that you, Carolyn, contributed to) isn't always the norm and he shouldn't be so disheartened of ever finding someone who will truly love him and be faithful. How will you explain how through no fault of his, his Step-Father wanted to choose a so called "better" life with you and your children, even though you are also married?

How would you handle your 9 year old asking you why Daddy cheated on you with the woman who showed up at our house in the middle of the night? And how to answer his friends questions because they and their parents witnessed the whole scene looking out their front windows? How to explain to someone so young where being married is so black and white - why Daddy had sex with someone else - because when you're married, to him - you don't have sex with other people? And how to explain all those messages he read over his IPad that was linked to his Dad's phone that you sent his Father? How do you explain why the greatest man in his life would do something so terrible to his Mother and him and his brothers? What reasons do you tell him for why you would do that to your husband, Carolyn, and your own children as well? How do you go about fixing those enormous cracks in his relationship with his Father that you helped put there?

Luckily my 3 year old son is too little to understand but still asks me almost weekly if I'm still sad because he saw me crying and heartbroken on so many days. One day he will get the whole story from one of his brothers of that time and why Mommy was so sad all the time. Are you going to be there to explain it all to him?

You see, you think I'm upset because you fucked my husband. And yes, that doesn't make me happy and is a big part of why I'm writing this - the bigger part is - my boys. What right did you have to do this to them? They were innocent bystanders to your ugly need for attention and self worth through pursuing an affair with another married person. But they are the ones left with the destruction in their lives, to understand and live with - through no choice on their part. Their whole world has been altered so drastically and now they will struggle to trust their Father, trust their own relationships and sadly, believe they will ever find a love that doesn't lie and cheat. I am their Mother and protector. I would never want them to have to experience any of this last year and all the damage still left from it. That is what I still have issue with - you took that innocence away from them and they are never going to get it back. I hate you for that more than having an affair with my husband. You are a Mother also and I wonder if you had thought of your children before your own selfish desires there would have been a chance you would have done the right thing and fixed your own marriage instead of destroying mine.

This year is almost done and I won't be thinking of you next year. You will be filed away in a place where you can't hurt me or my children any longer. At midnight I will be happily saying goodbye to 2015 and fully embracing 2016 and all the wonderful things I know it will bring to me and my boys.

Donna
 
Replied By: dannawally on Nov 28, 2015, 1:00AM
I had to post this story of my first true love, now gone forever.  I met her at church, so I felt very secure in the honesty of our relationship since we shared common values. We dated steadily for about 4 years before I presented her with a ring on bended knee.  She tearfully accepted, and I thought our future was secure. At this point, she was finishing up her degree in special ed. at Michigan State, and I was winding up a stint in USMC. The plan was to finish up my engineering degree while she worked after we were married. Then, out of the blue, she announced that she was pregnant and we'd have to tie the knot quicker than planned.  I hadn't slept with her for months, so I was a tad skeptical and asked to speak to her Obstetrician to find out her due date, etc.  Well, she never gave me that info, but she sent a letter informing me that the child wasn't mine, she was so sorry, blah, blah, blah. Just like that, the relationship was over. I am still in shock when I think of it today, years later. I was such a fool and had absolutely no clue that she would betray me with the mother of all betrayals. She got married to the father and divorced 6 yrs later.  She has had several marriages and divorces since then and is currently single.  I met and married a fine lady and she is still my wife and the marriege is going strong.  I'm blessed after all!
 
Replied By: janet620 on Nov 15, 2015, 9:11PM
My husband and I were separated for three months.  I had moved out because of the constant fighting and he agreed we needed a break.  During that time I became involved with another man and him with another woman.  I finally realized I wanted my husband back and told him so.  He accepted me back with open arms and at first everything was wonderful.  Now, five months later, the emotional abuse is almost too much for me to handle.  Everything was great until he started constantly questioning me about what all I had done with the man I was  seeing.  I knew he was physically involved with another woman because her car was at our house all the time, night and day, so even though I wanted to ask him questions I didn't because I really didn't want details.  It only made the pain of him being with her worse.  Now the emotional abuse is awful.  I am trying to show him that I love him and I want this marriage to work but he just won't stop.  He even went so far as to sneak out to a bar to meet another woman while I was in bed one night.  I woke up and drove to the bar where I found him talking to another woman.  I was not very nice to either of them and he did leave with me.  As far as I know he hasn't talked to her again.  When I asked him why he did it he said it was "payback" for me seeing another guy while we were separated.  I told him that he had also seen another woman and I didn't know this was all about "getting even."  He constantly threatens me with divorce, calls me names, puts me down, interrogates me for details on the relationship I had; all while I say nothing about his.  This weekend I thought things were finally working out when we went away for the weekend and had a wonderful time.  Then just today he started on me again.  Why is he doing this?  Can't he see that this is only tearing us apart?  I don't want a divorce.
 
Replied By: sbodwinpc on Nov 5, 2015, 4:23PM
My husband had a 2.5 year affair.  This was 4 years ago.  He spent over 250,000.00 on her. Wiped out all our money.  To this day he say he will kill himself if I leave him.. We are facing financial ruin.  I have no family to call on for help.   This affair has distroyed me

 
Replied By: starfly_dust on Oct 28, 2015, 6:53PM
I just want to start off by saying I am amazed on how Robin was able to hold her tounge when it came to the Neanderthal jerk who think he's a bad boy. There is so many things and choice words I would say to that punk and I am amazed Robin didn't say more to that jerk than she did. I know there is no way in hell I would of been that nice to him. First off Steve isn't a bad boy! He is an idiot! He is a Neanderthal! He is the lowest piece of scum I have ever seen. I would never be attracted to him even if you said I had a choice of him or being alive! I mean I love how he says cheating is very fun if your doing it right. That right there shows the type of scum he really is! There is no way anyone should get pleasure and think cheating is fun if it's done right. Also how does he get off of saying short hair is what every guys wants? While he is sitting next to Sarah who has extremely short hair and has all these men who she been with including Gordon Ramsey as she claims.  Also I hate how delusional Sarah is by saying if the women act like mistresses their husbands wouldn't cheat. That is absoulte crap! I am married and I have always made sure to make my marriage always fresh wether it be in the bedroom and keeping the spice in there or how I look. I mean I was intament with my husband more than most newlyweds and he still stepped out on me many many MANY times as I would find out! I also have never let myself go in appearance since I have been with my husband. We have a two year old son and if anything I look better now than before. Also for her to say she helps the marriage that is so further than the truth! How does my husband be a better father to my son and a husband to me when in the end it makes me not trust him or my son will find me crying because of the fact my husband was cheating on me. I don't understand how the distrust and agony of me knowing he has done this help me. He doesn't come home afterwards and act any better. If anything he pulls away and becomes distant because he is thinking off what he has done and doesn't know what to do or say. I listen to my husband about his day I ask how he feels and I keep the spice in our love life. I do everything the mistresses say to do to keep my husband from cheating and yet he still cheats. I also don't understand how they believe they are not at fault. Yes some women don't know the man is married I get that. But these women knew they were getting involved with a married man from the beginning and if not then they knew shortly after. Yet they still kept pursuing them. These women even seemed to get off on it. I'm not saying it's all their fault because it does start with the man but they are an accessory to the fact. They talk about their pain and all the suffering they go through but they knew what they got themselves into. Somehow though they get mad because we don't understand their pain but don't care what pain the wife goes through or the children's pain. That man is someone's else's husband and NOT theirs. The wife has every right to get mad and be in pain! How dare these women play the victim and I repeat when they know what they got themselves into. These women are delusional and have no right trying to claim something that isn't theirs!


 
Replied By: cjyoung on Oct 27, 2015, 1:46PM - In reply to pugsusa
I just watched the show & am floored how crazy Sarah & the bad boy are, its wrong!!  Its marrage, its a SIN!!!

and to think I have to work  at home or job I have to do all my wifley duites and then take care of HIM, to be the housewife & the hooker.  Im to angry to go on I will break my keyboard
 
Replied By: pugsusa on Oct 27, 2015, 12:47PM
I am gong to be very frank. These guys are all not worth a shit. The excuses they give to have affairs are absolutely rediculous. If all men are wired to cheat than I want nothing to do with them. That is rediculous.  Not having sex is not a reason. There is so much more to a healthy happy relationship. Cheating is a cowards way out of facing your own insecurities and short comings. Dont put it off on your partner. When u love someone truly u would never cheat. I feel most people have no clue wot it is to really truly love someone. you cannot avoid an affair happening to you if you marry a liar and a cheat. Know who u marry. 


These two guests u have on are simply dilutional and  are just trying to convince theirselves this is acceptable behavior. I mean look at who and wot they r. Professional cheaters and liars. 




Really haircuts????? You either love me for who I am or not. My hair is my decision. Not permission to cheat. Really!!!! I am so angry at this guy u have on im about to jump through my TV. 

DR. Phil your wife is dead on....








 
 
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