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Infidelity

 
Has your partner been unfaithful? Have you been the one to stray? How did you rebuild your relationship? Share your advice and get support from others.
Comments
Replied By: victim1 on Dec 17, 2014, 9:36AM
I am a victim of romance scam i am married to a nigerian we met online i filed for him and he came to the USA September 2013. i did not know i was fraud and scammed for a green card it is so painful to see how people can used you and get away with it.  i hope someone hear my plea and help me get some justice. i was this guy to pay for what he has done to me i want the immigration to take his green card and deport him back to his country, this man treats me very badly dont even have sex with me, doing all sort of pronography in the house on skype, oovo and tango having all sorts of scam emails and face book it is very discussting i am so emotionally scarred the pain is awful how can human treat another human like this, i am going through alot God is carrying me through. thanks for listening i get eased from the pain when i talk about it. Is there any legal justice for me. please help. thanks.
 
Replied By: twalk5 on Dec 11, 2014, 3:48AM
Been in a relationship for 8 yrs he cheated on me numerous of times and I've forgiven him and took him back this spring he cheated on me and I had enough I pack up me and tge kids and we left a week after we had broken up he didn't really try as hard as all tge other times to get back with me so I felt we were done I had contact the girl he cheated with and she said that tgey were always together so I decided it was it I started talking to a guy I had met months prior when he had cheated and we had grew closer when the ex had found out about him he then tried hard to get me back but I was mean and vicious and wanted him to feel exactly how I felt when he cheated so I push him away gor bout two months I then realized I didn't like my own behavior so I decicided to talk to him and we eventually got back together after I told him everything and he told me she was pregnant he was so hurt bout the guy but said he could move forward unfurtunatly I got pregnant a month later and now he's very disrespectful he says I'm a hoe I'm nasty I'm an embarassment to our family he will never marry me he don't think this baby is his he so hurt he could never forgive me and then he would be fine I don't engage in the arguments with him I jus let him vent but I'm starting to feel at a lost because I've taken so much from him and I actually don't think I did anything wrong besides deal with the pain I was going through at the time but ive invested so many years in this relationship and we have children together but the cuts are so deep I don't think we can ever move forward from this does anybody have any advice
 
Replied By: imstrong123 on Dec 9, 2014, 8:04PM - In reply to lovingwife247
I'm with you, but it takes two to tango....don't blame yourself for this, ever!!  Your H made a decision, you say you were in a rut after 24 years of marriage..but you didn't go out and had an affair!  My H cheated on me for years, but never got "involved" with any woman, so I know how difficult it is to try to repair the damage..very hard...and it could take years really.  But you were smart, didn't involve your kids -me neither- and with lots  of patience, and openness it can be done.  These women on the show...I understand they are desperate for a man, for attention, to feel needed, loved...but what they don't get is that if they meet a married man and start a relationship...is just never going to work out outside of that setting...she is the fantasy...and we the wives are reality...and fantasy can get old too..I actually think fantasy can get old faster than reality... so don't blame yourself, but do keep working with your H in being open, honest, genuine and please do try not to bring this up too often..as this is something that I need to fight every day too and I know how tempting it is..but don't do it unless he says or does something that really really is wrong.  If you watch movies with him, 90% of the time the theme of infidelity by men will come up and how it affects the wife and the kids...you don't need to bring it up...believe me. LIFE will.

Good luck!
 
Replied By: dadn2kids on Dec 9, 2014, 9:09AM
Just wanted to say after 16 years of marriage and 2 amazing kids, I found my wife having an affair at her work (a Hotel).  I have both of my childeren and that is what matters the most, but it is hard because I still care about her.
 
Replied By: imstrong123 on Dec 2, 2014, 9:13PM - In reply to garfila
I completely agree with you!  My H cheated on me for years, until I found out in 2012.  At the time he had stopped this behavior (it was an addiction or obsession...he had a very well organized secret life where he met and had sex with many women who didn't care to find out or were honestly manipulated into believing he was divorced)....so yes I decided to give him one chance.  One only.  And yes, I agree with you, forgiveness is not a word I can use here...I can learn to live with this, accept it...but forgive? NO.  I can forgive someone spilling wine on my couch, or something that didn't change my life forever..something that hurt  me more than anything else ever did (except my father's passing when I was 18)...but this kind of day to day, year after year betrayal? NO.  As I said he had stopped and upon me finding out he did all the right things and now 2 1/2 years after D Day...he has changed considerably...is an open book, is attentive, romantic, apologetic....has humillity and shows emotion...all of this is NEW.  I am still hunted by this though...like you said, is hard to not fall into the trap of bringing it back upon myself every day...is like I'm in jail and I can't get out....I know I must stop it myself, but is so hard....I am hoping that as time passes and we create this new history the past witll stay in the past, but in my case, it went on for so long.. (we've been married for almost 29 years, together for 31 years), it is especially hard.  I feel I can never tell him he is the only man I loved, the only man that I ever felt close to, the only man I had sex with in the last 31 years, and the only man I ever felt close to....as I feel he did have other women he had sex with, felt close to, even though he said he never, ever wanted to leave me, that thought never crossed his mind, but it was something he had to deal with, and he did...but I am having a hard time, as time goes by, to let go of these feelings, and I don't know I want to spend the rest of my life living like this...


Thank you!

 
Replied By: garfila on Nov 27, 2014, 12:12PM - In reply to mike76
Wow, I can't believe it's been almost 7yrs since my husband cheated & of course it changed our relationship forever. Like you I went through a long torturous period where for one reason or another I thought about it every single day for over 2 years! I honestly can't recall what exactly happened to help me to let go of ALL the little reminders; the things in my mind that connected my constant thoughts to the incident; I just know that I was starting to get really frustrated with myself & this cycle that I created as the result of the pain I was in from this act of ultimate betrayal. I think the slow process of letting go of the day-to-day reminders started with me forcing myself to stop going deep into the thought once it was triggered and redirecting my thoughts to something, anything else and eventually it just stopped. Of course there are certain things that will be a reminder because it's something huge that happened & impacted us which means we'll never be able to forget and there will always be reminders throughout out our life, it's unavoidable; so it's up to us with what we do when we're reminded. Fortunately you have forgiven her, or have you really? What did it mean to you to forgive her? What changed after you forgave her? I don't really accept or agree with the definition that most people associate with the word Forgive. My personal definition of Forgiveness is letting go of the painful emotions that you attached to the thing, situation, person etc. that you are forgiving. Sometimes I forgive or "let go" of a situation that has happened and what it has causes, but not necessarily the person who caused it, but there are times when I also forgive the person themselves. Hope that makes sense? Again, it's just my own definition. I still haven't officially forgiven my husband, who I'm still with but in my own mind I have "moved on" because I couldn't continue living day to day emotionally crippling myself which would sometimes affect other things going on at the time the thoughts were triggered. I know this isn't in depth detail or great words of wisdom but I hope this in someway helps you in your journey to heal from this.
 
Replied By: leighiam on Nov 26, 2014, 10:03AM
Not my fault, he looked like any other guy.  I remember the pain and devastation I experienced when he left me for some ditz (come one, I don't really have to totally take the high road, do I?) that he was seeing for months before he left and before I had a clue.   I was probably crazed for a good year after it happened.  

The best advice I got:   Put all that stuff; the anger, the hurt, the bargaining for martydom,  on the shelf when you go out and leave it there.  If you want it, it will be there for you when you get home but do not carry it with you.  

There are some platitudes that carried me through -- One, you never lose anything that it truly yours. Two, living well is the best revenge, Three, what goes around, comes around --  and like the song says, I want to be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart.  I do not think it is my job to punish or in any way interfere with his life -- but gee, I would love to hear when he gets his due.

Something that I felt strongly that I have not heard you mention on the show is that when someone betrays you -- really betrays you, it does more than end the relationship,  it negates the relationship that you had -- because how could it have been what you thought if he/she would do you like that?


Truly I had to just stop thinking about it because there are no answers that would make sense to me.


Sometime the love of your life is a dick.









 
Replied By: mike76 on Nov 2, 2014, 11:39PM
Please forgive me for possibly posting in the wrong place and if you don't mind, point me in the right direction. In the meantime, I need some help and/or encouragement from honest good people that have only the best intentions.....           I was cheated on. Its been 2 years ago and we have both been doing all we can to make it work. My love for her and her 3 children has never waivered and its still as strong as it has ever been. We both know she made a mistake and I know it bothers her badly knowing what she has done to me. I really do believe that I forgive her. The issue is, I have reminders nearly every day. There is always a show, picture, song, car, comment or name that reminds me of it. Again, I love and want her by my side until my last days..... I just don't know what to do. Thank you in advance.
 
Replied By: minhiding on Oct 26, 2014, 3:56PM
I've known him for over 10 years.  Met online.  Were just friends at first, then it turned into something more. 

We've never had a physical relationship.  We have been together twice,  just for drinks and to hang out. We live in the same state,  but 5 hours apart. 


Yes he's married.  When we first met I was married too. I've been divorced for 4 years. 


Just a couple weeks ago we sort of defined our relationship.  He has known for years that I love him.  I never knew how he felt about me.  I finally got him to admit that he cares about me,  but that's all he would say.


I don't expect or want him to divorce his wife.  I actually don't really know if I want.  I hate that I can't always talk to him when I want or need him. I can't text or call.  I can only reach him by email,  and I hate that.  I hate that sometimes I just want someone to comfort me,  to put their arms around me and tell me it will all be ok.


I've tried to just walk away,  I can't.  My ex left me for another woman so I know how it feels to be cheated on.  No idea why I can't see it from his wife's point of view and end it because of that reason alone. 


I honestly don't know what to do. 
 
Replied By: amanda_s on Oct 11, 2014, 1:14PM
My good friend of 2 years recently shared that he is in an open marriage with his wife. 

What does it mean exactly and how does that work out in the end?  They both had affairs recently and I am wondering if this is just a way to justify them remaining married even though they are both unhappy with their union.  Awaiting your feedback.  Thanks
 
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