Infidelity

 
Has your partner been unfaithful? Have you been the one to stray? How did you rebuild your relationship? Share your advice and get support from others.
Comments
Replied By: jal2230 on Aug 28, 2016, 2:37PM
My husband of 4 years, the father of my 3 children seems to have issues with porn. I am by no means a prude. However, it has gotten to the point of me feeling uncomfortable.  I always have had self esteem issues, and by no means is this helping.  There is no lack of intamacy in our relationship.  However, I feel as though our sexual relationship is nothing more than just that, sex, with him.  He is pre occupied with the female body and anything mirroring perfection.  He blames his childhood on his "addiction"(his words) to porn.  I feel this is a copout.  He rarely looks at me while being intimate, and no longer is it special.  A rut yes.  But to use porn to do whatever he needs to feel a rush.  Is this a form of cheating?  I feel like I have been cheated on.  He enjoys anothers womans body more than mine, and gets off on it, isn't that cheating?
 
Replied By: blue_eyes92 on Jul 16, 2016, 12:44PM
Well where do I start? I might as well just Jump Right In. I am in a committed relationship with the love of my life 4 years now and we have two beautiful children. In our past we had both use drugs and fortunately I am here to say that I have been clean 3 years and I'm living a very good life. I have no desire to go back to drugs. My significant other has not had as much luck as I have or will power I guess I have found multiple times drugs and drug paraphernalia in his pockets and messages on his phone regarding drugs using drugs buying drugs. The worst part about it is about a year ago I saw on his phone messages between him and multiple men that he would do drugs with. One of the guys he was talking to Wood pay my significant other to let him do sexual favors for him for money for drugs. I have not been able to let this go and I have so many questions. I have brought this up so many times and my significant other gets very defensive and mean claiming he's not gay excetera at first he said that I am crazy and he has never done anything like that but multiple things I have found he hasn't been able to explain away so I finally got him to admit that he has done a few things with a few different guys but he claims it is for drugs and it was only in the past. The problem is I don't truly believe that it's done and over with. I just recently found drugs on him as recently as yesterday and we are not living together right now because of this we are trying to work on things but I guess I should just say that I am trying to work on things and he is just doing what he wants to do. I am just really confused because I don't understand how a man could do something like that with another man unless he is gay or bisexual. I also feel that maybe he is bisexual and he is embarrassed about it and that is a part of the reason why he uses drugs. Part of me wants to say well this is nuts I will never deal with something like this but I am in love with this man and there's nothing more that I want than for this to work but I will not go my whole life taking care of our children and bending over backwards for him to find out later in life that he's been cheating on me with men our whole relationship. I would like any advice or advise anything that anyone would have to tell me I am just me myself and I just me and the kids and of course I can't talk to the kids about this so when I worry about this stuff I'm all alone.
 
Replied By: piggymac78 on Jul 6, 2016, 7:29PM
i have been faithfully married for over 14 yrs , my husband has cheated at least3 times and he has now become verbally abusive . We are going to marriage councilling next week  but i honestly dont think its worth saving !
 
Replied By: wife2kids419 on Jun 22, 2016, 5:59PM
I cheated on my husband about 7 times between 2008-2012 with some of his family and one of his friends. I went to stay married to him so much. I really care, love and want too be with him. It's been about 5 months since he's been home. I want to work it out soon bad. Any advice would be great!!! I've been trying too give him his space but like I said I miss him so much and its not gunna happen again
 
Replied By: julietxokel on Apr 30, 2016, 10:10PM
i just got married to my husband about 2 years ago we started having problems at home like we stop sleeping on the same bed, fighting about little things he always comes home late at night, drinking too much and sleeping with other women out side. i have never love any man in my life except him. he is the father of my children and I don't want to loose him because we have worked so hard together to become what we are and have today .few month ago he now decided to live me and the kid, being a single mother can be hard sometimes and so I have nobody to turn to and I was heart broken. i called my mom and explain every thing to her, my friend told me about mama jaja the spiritualist, how she helped solve the problem of her conceiving a child for her husband and It was surprise about it because they have not been without a child for 5years of their marriage and it was like a miracle how they later had a child. i was directed to mama jaja and explain everything to her, so she promise me not to worry that she will send a love spell and make things come back to how we where before and be in so much in love again. She told me that my problem will be solved a day after I use the love spell. if I believe I said OK. So she sent a love portion spell for me, which I use as describe by her and that same day I use the love portion my love came back asking me to forgive him. i Am so happy now. the reason why I decided to share my experience with every body is that if you have such a problem contact her now is ready to solve it for you immediately without wasting time.
mamajajasorceress@yahoo.com
 
Replied By: bdmatz10 on Apr 29, 2016, 10:46PM
I will try to make this short and sweet, I am 24, going on 25, I was married once from 2010-2013, divorced due to some major issues with the spouse and myself, I was young and naive, he was older and what I thought to be much wiser. We owned a house that we got forclosed on, the hubby was spending mortagage money on other women. About 4 months later I met my second husband who I had known before from working together, we were great together, I was and am very in love with him, we got married Sept 2013, but he went to prison Feb 2014 for 3 years, I promised to stay with him, and I meant every word I said to him, I did okay on my own, I pulled two jobs and supported him while he was there, 6 months later I helped his brother move down to live with me, he did not have much, and we had been talking about him moving back and staying here, a short while after that, I fell in love with him, as he did with me as well. I we have been together almost 2 years. My husband came home on parole, early as expected, I told him everything that had happened and that had been going on, we agreed to try and work it out, but a few short days later he was hooked on meth and with a new woman, I tried helping him every way I could, we still wanted eachother, but in the end we still did not know where we would end up, he could not get clean and sober, I did not have the heart to leave him or his brother, 3 months down the road, here we are, he is back in prison and I am still with his brother, I hate this feeling because I honestly and truly love the both of them and it is killing me, I dont know what to do, I feel like my husband needs me now more than ever, but at the same time I love his brother and know it would kill him if I left, I was afraid of leaving to be with my husband for this very reason, I feel like this is all my fault even though I know I didnt make my husband get on meth and put himself back in prison, I do know that because of my actions this happened, but then again I know this could very well have happened even if I did not do what I did. I dont know what to do. I just need help. . I plan on seeing a counselor for all of this come monday.  
 
Replied By: violinm9 on Apr 24, 2016, 10:51PM - In reply to asoderling
Yes, I admit that sulking when  I don't accede to his wishes is emotional abuse.  I don't know how to stop that.  I don't want to break up the marriage.  My daughters and son (in their twenties) would be distressed, if that happened.  He does manipulate me.  He never wants to go to my brother's for the traditional Thanksgiving dinner.  He says that they don't like him and that my brother really doesn't love me either because he shows up in my state without letting me know.  I makes no effort to visit me.  I have to run into him in Home Depot to know he is in this area.   I can't see going to my brother's on my own.  I don't know what to do with my situation.  I am lucid but helpless.



 
Replied By: asoderling on Apr 24, 2016, 2:16AM - In reply to violinm9
He is using guilt to get what he wants from you and is emotionally abusive when you don't give it to him. This is not okay and this is not healthy. You made a mistake. You are  only responsible for owning up to your mistakes, apologizing for them, keeping your promises and being honest from this point forward. AND, if  you choose to work things out with your husband you should expect to be transparent. No locked phone, no password changes, no secret email accounts. You should expect him to want to verify that the things you say and do are actually the truth. He has the right to question you but not harass you, he has the right to check up on you but not stock you, he has the right to need time and space but not expect to get laid only to go right back to wanting more time and space.  He needs to make the choice weather or not he is willing to accept your apology, is willing to work on repairing the marriage and if he is able to cope with the insecurities he has as a result from your affair. You do not "owe" him sex and he does not have the right to place that type of demand on you. No one does. EVER.

 
Replied By: violinm9 on Apr 22, 2016, 9:58PM
I had an affair.  I felt so guilty about it that I started injuring myself.  I was in and out of the hospital for about ten years.  I'm now better, but my husband is so insecure that he thinks I will see the person on the sly and continue the affair.  Consequently, my husband wants me to continue where I left off with him including "the deed".  So at least if I do it again, he'll know about it.  If I don't agree to do this, he sulks for a long time and is very difficult to live with.  I have been agreeing to do this for so long, that I"m actually beginning to enjoy it.  This does not make me happy.  I prefer a traditional marriage.  My husband is insecure and he thinks that if I see the person from the affair, that his deficiencies would be corrected by this other guy.  


I have now allowed myself to compromise my principles all because I can't tolerate living with a husband who would otherwise make my life miserable.  I have stopped attending Mass.  Everything has gone by the wayside.  Any thoughts?

 
Replied By: asoderling on Apr 21, 2016, 7:08PM
I wrote this a few yeas ago and posted it on a website called experienceproject.com. The responses and comments I received from it helped me cope more so than it did to actually write it. I thought I would share it here in hopes that it makes those who are thinking about having an affair think twice first and also help the heeling of thoses who's partner had an affair. 


Dear Jonathan And Our Two Children.....I'm So Sorry.
Tomorrow 01/13/13 is the 1 year anniversary of my relationship with the man I'm having an affair with, the man I compromised my entire life for, the man I chose over my family when I got caught 6 months ago, and the man I currently live with today. And 1 year ago tomorrow I believed that my marriage wasn't worth my efforts anymore.... Well, the saying "you don't know what you have until it's gone" is the ONLY thing in my life that makes sense to me now.
I filed for divorce this past week and I can't even begin to describe the pain in my heart as I watched someone my husband didn't even know hand him the few pieces of paper that would eventually leave our once perfect family in ruins. I am devastated about my marriage ending and sometimes I feel like I should just grab our children and a bag of clothes and walk out of the house that I now share with my affair partner and never look back. I will be the first to admit that I not only regret all of the mistakes I've made that have brought me to this overwhelmingly depressing chapter in my life, but I will also say that I take full responsibility for my poor judgment and know that no matter how bad our marriage may have seemed at the time when I had given into temptation... it doesn’t justify or compare to the devastation I caused to the man I've known for over half of my life or to the hurt I see today in the faces of my children and the pure confusion in their innocent voices when they ask "Mommy? Why don't we all live together anymore?" If I could go back in time and do it all over (knowing what I know now) I would already be gone. With my whole heart, I miss you. I miss “us” and the way we loved each other and how even during the coldest times of our lives our love was warm enough to keep us alive. I miss the way I depended on you and you depended on me, I miss coming home after work (before the affairs began) and feeling like I was home. I miss you, and I’ll miss you for the rest of my life…. No one will ever come close to touching my heart as deeply as you have. You are truly the love of my life and without you, a part of me will always be missing. I wish I could tell you that I love you Jonathan and have you respond with that smile I forgot I loved so much. I wish we were in the kitchen making dinner together and sharing a bottle of clos du bois Chardonnay. I wish we were lying in bed telling Jokes and riddles about "baby elephants" like we use to do all those years ago. I wish it was me that you were dreaming of tonight and not the someone new that I don't even know. I wish that our children still called it "home" and not "Mommy's house" and "daddy's house". I wish I had been stronger and fought harder to protect what was once "everything I ever wanted" but above all, I truly wish you all the happiness in the world Jonathan even if it isn't with me. I love you through and through, yesterday, today and tomorrow too. Wife
 
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