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Infidelity

 
Has your partner been unfaithful? Have you been the one to stray? How did you rebuild your relationship? Share your advice and get support from others.
Comments
Replied By: oceanentity on Aug 28, 2014, 8:45AM - In reply to brookebaby
Hello , i have been in exactly your position years ago with my first relationship of 10 years as well as some of my second 17 year relationship. Its all consuming isnt it , you feel obsessed with irrational thoughts , deep seated anger at times. Ive had intense councelling for this and it stems from deep ingrained insecurity , yes it is within you. the only way you will not lose him is if you get professional help to raise your self esteem to help you understand that it is your problem , not his. If you dont not get regular councelling to overcome this fear and insecurity it will ruin your relationship ( which i know from experience isnt good is it because your obsessing constantly about what he " might " do , and when you think he is controlled enough and you are at home together and you feel reassured he knows what you mean when you feel threatended and jelous of these other women ) please get help , i wasted so much of my life with this infliction, trust me professional help is the only way to get to the core reasons you are insecure and what steps can you do to remedy this, and the self talk that appears to happen automatically yes ? you deserve to be happy , and happy and confident in your relationship/s.
 
Replied By: brookebaby on Aug 24, 2014, 4:17PM
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years next month. He has told me he doesn't know whether to leave me or not because of the pain I have inflicted on him by being jealous. He is my WORLD, my rock, I know he's the one for me. But I can't seem to get over being jealous and not being able to say something about girls that he talks to that he works with. I'm DEATHLY afraid of him catching feelings for one of them and not telling me. I KNOW he would NEVER cheat on me, I know that. I'm just afraid of him finding another girl. And that's where my jealousy comes in. We both love each other very much but he just cannot stay with me if I continue down this jealous path. Being this way emotionally tears me apart. I've tried not snooping through his phone, I've tried not asking who has texted or called him, but I can never NOT say anything.. He's at the end of his rope with me, as much as he loves me, he doesn't deserve what I've put him through. I don't know how to fix this.. I cry nearly every night scared he's going to leave me while I'm getting help. But what if the help isn't enough? What if I'm still this disgusting jealous person with him? I need some kind of help... some kind of advice... or anything really....



Brooke
 
Replied By: kamaney411 on Aug 21, 2014, 5:54PM - In reply to rhezaauda
Aaawwww Rhezaauda I am sorry to hear this!  My husband cheated on me before with a co worker.  We separated for about a year and we eventually ended up remaining married.  That was about 5 years ago.  Whe have been married for 11 years together for 13.  Before making the decision to divorce sit back and evaluate if you can forgive him or not and also take some time to focus on you and your children.
 
Replied By: rhezaauda on Aug 20, 2014, 1:41PM
I just found out that my husband cheated on mr once he states with a random woman. This hurts me deeply. Been married for 4 years and together for six. We also have three children. I am lost and thinking about divorce. Someone please give me advicr.
 
Replied By: angelofmercy52 on Aug 17, 2014, 1:24AM - In reply to jeannehenckel
I was married to an abusive alcoholic for 10 years.  I found that, til deathdo us part, meant at his hands.  I decided I didn't sign up for that.  I took my daughter and left after spendding nights with a knife under my pillow.  I found out after the divorce, that my husband had been seeing other men, while I was at work.  He met a man during the custody battle.. Now they are "happily' marrried, and have been for years.  Yep, I sure know how to pick em!


~Holly~
 
Replied By: dougiezerts on Aug 13, 2014, 5:50PM
"I'm sorry, but I can't be 100% faithful to my spouse.  I have urges that I can't control--urges to have extramarital sex.  My spouse will either have to just accept this, or divorce me."
Is this true?  Are there people who TRUELY believe this?  Or are they merely fooling themselves and their wives/husbands?
I believe it's the latter!
 
Replied By: bwalters on Aug 8, 2014, 11:42AM
I have been married for 20yrs and love my wife. I like to do a bunch of little things all the time to show my love to her. When she comes home I give her hugs and kisses, I try to tell her she looks pretty and stuff like that. I am the kind of guy that is really touchy feely and she gets anoyed by me. I have a really high sex drive and she turns me down most of the time. I am not the kind of guy that thinks she should just trow her legs in the air, I am the kind of guy that rubs her back and gives kisses all over. I let her vent to me all the time and tell me how her day was. I want my wife constantly, but she does not want me.  Yes I've had affairs. I do not want to leave her and do not want anybody else. I do not know what to do with my sex drive though. I do masterbate that seems to only make it worst. I think some times affairs are more complicated than what people think. I have tried to not have an affair but going for over a month starts getting to me so bad I want to just scream and do stupid things. I do not know how to explain the relief I get from sex and I do not get relief from a 30 minute at a time thing. I need it all when it comes to sex. The touching, the feeling, kissing, hugging, and fore play. I want it to last for more than an hour and really enjoy more than 2hrs every time. I at least need near 1 hour to get the full filled feeling. My wife just wants her orgasm and be done. I want to give her more though and like to do more.

What the hell is wrong with me? Most guys my age are getting to where they can't anymore and I've been looking forword to that, but I've not slowed down yet and want to. I hate my sex drive! I do not ever want my wife to know about the affairs. I do not want to leave her. I owe her my life she has given me two of the most wonderful children I could ask for.
 
Replied By: jcwright on Aug 4, 2014, 10:04AM - In reply to hope2766
Ask yourself, do I want to live my life this way? This is your life regardless of the way he treats you. Do you know who you are and what you want? I understand that he is having affairs; however, in your soul I believe that you know where you want to be and how to get there. You can rise above this. His behaviors do not need to affect your life. If you do not want to leave the marriage, you must make your own life in the marriage. There is beauty everywhere, and you should seek it out. You see, we are only on this planet for a finite amount of time, and we all should be living in joy. You must find your joy. Make your own friends, and do some of the things that you love. Do not wait for him.
 
Replied By: hope2766 on Aug 1, 2014, 5:10PM - In reply to jcwright
I dont know, I use to would stand by him the the fulliest, but now I dont think so.  I am 48 yrs old and scared to start over again, my grand kids love him and he loves them.  But he is a person who must have it his way.  He's always accusing me, but he is the one that has been cheating and got caught.  He has female friends and refused to let them go especially this one lady.  He really cherish her.  His eyes light up when he talks about her and gets angry when I speak against her.  I can't afford to go anywhere, and on a set income.  He has several rental properties, and won't go to any of them to live.  He treats his tenants better than he treats me.  We are living in two separate rooms.  I have stopped cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, and taking care of his business due to his disrespect.  Am I wrong for?  At one point I started drinking and doing drugs, because I was so hurtful.  All day I would cry and sleep, and when I was awake I did thise things.  Got off the dinking and drugs, when I thought things had got better, but It hasn't!  I have been drinking again, but haven't taken any drugs.  Sometimes I feel the need, but I have really been fighting that demon!
 
Replied By: lovingwife247 on Jul 30, 2014, 8:22AM
I am viewing an episode with mistresses which may be an older show. I am disgusted by some of the things they are saying. They are saying that they are pursued by married men. That is not always the case. I was cheated on by my husband once with someone from high school. I know that she pursued him. It all started when she found him on Facebook and sent a friend request. She immediately began commenting on all his pictures of our family, pets and vehicles. I saw this for myself.  She was in a bad marriage according to her and my husband. My husband and I were in a rut after 24 years. He accepted his blame for affair and the lies that he told about me. We both own our part for the state that our marriage was in. The affair apparently lasted for six months. I did my detective work and found out who she is. He didn't want to tell me and she didn't want to be found out. I called, texted and emailed her. She believed and probably still does believe the lies that he told about me. She actually believed that he was going to leave me when he got an insurance settlement. She was furious when I told her that I had outed her on she'sahomewrecker.com. I did so because I felt that these women insert themselves in marriages and don't care about the pain that is inflicted on the wives. She even claims to be a Christian woman and tried to keep him coming back by telling him that she though she was pregnant at 43. I got so sick that I lost 10 pounds because my stomach was in knots and I couldn't even eat. I am 5'2" and weighed 130 pounds before finding out. We kept this from our children and are a year and a half into repairing our marriage. I get total transparency from him and have all passwords to email accounts and Facebook. It took time to trust and stop checking up on him. We are in a much better place than we were more than a year ago. We are truly working on a better marriage and that is what we have now. He recently told me that I am everything to him and he never said anything like that in all the years we've been together. I watched show on mistresses and want them to hear a wife's side of an affair.
 
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