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Infidelity

 
Has your partner been unfaithful? Have you been the one to stray? How did you rebuild your relationship? Share your advice and get support from others.
Comments
Replied By: fajole on Jul 15, 2014, 5:06PM - In reply to wingedrunner
If you are married and decide that you feel the need to find sex outside of the marriage then get a divorce, then be with the person. marriage means nothing to most people these days. The vows certainly mean nothing! If you give your partner love everyday or regularly and your partner still strays outside of the marriage then it could be a sexual addiction which now has been labled a disease. Give me a break!
 
Replied By: fajole on Jul 15, 2014, 5:01PM - In reply to gatubela007
There are also resources that don't require a dime! Just have to look but  looking is the final step in leaving an infidel and many are afraid to leave! By this time, certain women are made to feel so low about themselves that they feel that they are not worthy of anything good. If your partner has cheated on you, they will cheat on you again! If they cheated to be with you, they will do it again!
 
Replied By: fajole on Jul 15, 2014, 4:52PM - In reply to gatubela007
What does your gut say?
 
Replied By: fajole on Jul 15, 2014, 4:51PM - In reply to pepper22
My husband and I are in our second and last relationship- The first for both of us were around the same time that we met when our ex's cheated on us- When we finally hooked up, infidelity was never a concern between us......... Good luck in the future and many more good years to come for you both!
 
Replied By: fajole on Jul 15, 2014, 2:44PM
- Think it's a good show compared to what else is on the Television. I recently drifted away from television and technology for a while because I am sick. (treatments, testing, down days) I want to interact so here is my very first post- It's not a good one but I am sure as time goes on, there will be better ones to come... There is so much going on in my life right now, I need to vent so to speak.... And I am sure that a lot of you out there reading this had your own share of hardships as well as picking yourself up and dusting yourself off to keep moving foward. Okay, here we go...

I had heard rumors about my Ex cheating on me but I could never truly believe the rumors because my ex would  deny it. I had proof though because my gut told me that he was cheating but how far would that speculation get me in proving this? I snuck in on him. I crept up to the door at his work. I pushed it open and didn't see him I pushed my head in further and thats when I saw my ex sitting on a counter with a waitress on top of him having sex. Upon seeing this, I quietly shut the door and walked away. I knew then that 9 years of my time was wasted. Or was it?

I did not say  anything to my ex that I knew. I was planning on leaving and I didn't want him to know. One night as I was talking to my sister on the phone about my plan, my ex walked in staggering drunk. I looked down and he had a shot gun in his hands. I think he found out that I knew. I threw the phone down then I was the next to go down as I was victimized by this ugly man. He held the shot gun to my head and pulled the trigger. I should have died but he forgot to but bullets in the gun because he was that drunk.

That morning I left the house. Two days before Christmas I went home with my tail betwen my legs leaving all of my belongings behind along with my two dogs. I fell into a depression and it was long. My best friend wanted to get me out of my room. In month 5 I was able to leave my room to go to my friends. She wanted me to meet  her new boyfriend. Also there was her boyfriends brother. We locked eyes and been together for nearly 21 years. Best friends married brothers. Another story for another day...  My husband was just getting out of a bad relatioinship as well. His ex cheated on him but he also lost a baby to sids so he was pretty sad as well.

As my husband and I got to know each other, we knew that infidelity would never be a concern if we ever got together. We both unpacked each other's emotional baggage. Nothing short of being extremely difficult but we did it. We got married and have three young children now. This memory is just that now. I look back on it such as now.. Other than that, it stays in my past and I moved on...... The bottom line is, every thing DOES happen for a reason. I cannot worry over not getting answers because most of the time, they come to me but just not when I want them. It could take years to understand something and it does happen.

You deserve better. Find resources to get yourself back on track again. Accept help. If you have children, my prayers are with you to get through!
 
Replied By: lovelost51 on Jun 24, 2014, 1:41AM - In reply to mar2moo
For you to even ask me if I was looking for sympathy irritates the hell out of me. every post I have read here, on this subject, obviously were written by people that have had the misfortune of experiencing infidelity first hand. Regardless of which side their experience came. Then I read your response to my response I had written for someone else. Neither her prior post or my reply to her were in any way, shape or form solicitations for sympathy. I don't feel sorry for myself because I was duped by a sociopathic liar. And what happened between he and I (re: our breakup) was not karma. It was a normal chain of events that play out due to a dysfunctional, unhealthy and damaging situation that we knowingly put ourselves in. Your reply suggests that I am the only person that karma should pay a visit. I'm no angel but let's not forget his role. His actions and blatant disregard for anybody else's feelings except his own along with everything else he did to his wife, first and foremost, and yes, to me too will be the basis for any karma to roll around. Don't throw me under the bus so fast. I own what I did and I have regrets (for all the right reasons) that I will carry for always but I was a victim too. Everybody involved EXCEPT FOR HIM was victimized by his decisions and actions.
 
Replied By: cynthiapalmer on Jun 20, 2014, 1:19PM - In reply to guidancensup
Your story really breaks my heart.  I am your lover's age and you are my son's age.  It is horrible that a man his age is acting the way he is.  But that really doesn't excuse your behavior either because you are also old enough to know better.  You have seen for yourself that when push comes to shove, he always goes back to his wife.  Please cut your losses and realize that it NEVER helps a relationship when 3 people are involved.  Dr. Phil says over and over that you can't be in a relationship with a married person.  That person needs to clean up their old business before they can/should start new business.  Your lover hasn't cleaned up his old business -- in fact, it doesn't seem like he wants to end his marriage.  He just wants to have the best of both worlds.  Remember, everything you know about the wife is what he tells you.  Can you believe a liar?  You deserve more.  I hope you learn to demand more.
 
Replied By: cynthiapalmer on Jun 20, 2014, 1:06PM - In reply to ladyinsane
I am going to temper my response because I recognize you are in love with this married man but you make some comments that really need to be addressed.  You think that you have a strong connection to this married man - a connection that he does not have with his wife.  I really hope that time and distance can help you see this more clearly --- the fact probably is that he has no stronger connection with you than he does with any other woman.  His wife knows him better than anyone else.  She is the one who has been through the rough times with him.  The fact that he didn't bother defending you when the affair was found out by his wife should speak VOLUMES to you.  You said "why go through all the trouble of hurting me if he didn't have future intentions with me."  Trust me when I say it was absolutely no trouble on his part to hurt you.  Why?  Simply put he didn't have any future intentions towards you.  You didn't speak for 3 years and then you go visit him and immediately have sex.  Because he readily has sex with you, you mistakenly believe his wife doesn't give him what he "needs" sexually.  Again, that can be the furtherst thing from the truth.  I hope you have learned to leave committed people alone because you really do deserve to have someone that loves only you --- this man clearly doesn't.
 
Replied By: humminbirdie on Jun 18, 2014, 6:11PM
I started dating my current boyfriend over two years ago. At the very beginning, he had a one night stand with another woman. He told me a while later, after carrying around this massive guilt for the longest time. At first, I was conflicted, but I came to the conclusion that everyone deserves a second chance. I ended up forgiving him, and I have never been happier in my relationship. It's important to understand why peolple do the things they do, not just what they do. I know he'd never do it again. It's very possible to work through mistakes like this, however,  if he had done it more than once, I can't say the relationship would work out. Mercy is important, and our love has only grown. Abusing that mercy is where things go downhill. I have to keep forgiving him when my mind brings it up again, because I know I can trust him completely. I think the key is to not hold a grudge and dangle a mistake above someone's head. Letting it go is what matters.
 
Replied By: pepper22 on Jun 17, 2014, 12:24PM
The show on Rochelle and Matt and his long term infidelity is very close to my own experience.  Rochelle needs counceling.  Not for her marriage but for herself.  It will help her to make a clear decision.  Matt will probably never change.  My husband of 10 years ended up marrying his mistress, and then cheated on her also.  I am now remarried for 17 years to a wonderful man that had the same experience that I had.  We are both very clear as to the kind of hurt this behavior causes.

Pepper22
 
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