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Infidelity

 
Has your partner been unfaithful? Have you been the one to stray? How did you rebuild your relationship? Share your advice and get support from others.
Comments
Replied By: amanda_s on Oct 11, 2014, 1:14PM
My good friend of 2 years recently shared that he is in an open marriage with his wife. 

What does it mean exactly and how does that work out in the end?  They both had affairs recently and I am wondering if this is just a way to justify them remaining married even though they are both unhappy with their union.  Awaiting your feedback.  Thanks
 
Replied By: ladyinsane on Sep 25, 2014, 2:04PM - In reply to dougiezerts
I feel the sans way with my husband bc I've done it. Not proud of it in the least but I think if were seeking sex and compaionship elsewhere then we really DONT love our husbands.
 
Replied By: iwokeuptoday on Sep 18, 2014, 4:48PM
My fiance and I were going through a lull in our sexual relationship since I lost my job.  During this time we were struggling financially and her sex drive was pretty much gone.  I began to feel down on myself for not being able to provide for my family but I was constantly trying to make sure we were good until I could find some steady work.  I began to believe that she was no longer attracted to me after 4 years.  I found it hard to express this to her but when I did she stated that she did not understand why she was not feeling sexual towards me but it wasn't there.  I know that her ex-husband was a habitual cheat and I would never do that but he was also a porn addict. I unfortunately watched some of a few videos during this time and she walked in and I did not try and hide it from her but needless to say it did not go over well with her.  She stated that I was just like every other man and if I could do that then I was a cheat also (stated that by my watching a few videos that I was now a cheat because she stated I was lusting after another woman).  Needless to say we are separating because of this and it's the worst thing to have been labeled and lost the best relationship of my life because of a porn video.  I say all this to say that it really doesn't seem to matter what the reality is and maybe it's justified but perception is everything.  I know I'm a good, hardworking and loving man but she was able to just throw me away off of a random act, I know I was wrong but I didn't think that the ramifications would be so great.  I miss her and I love her and I've never cheated or would ever cheat on her but to her it was the same as cheating.  Hurting!!!!
 
Replied By: oceanentity on Aug 28, 2014, 8:45AM - In reply to brookebaby
Hello , i have been in exactly your position years ago with my first relationship of 10 years as well as some of my second 17 year relationship. Its all consuming isnt it , you feel obsessed with irrational thoughts , deep seated anger at times. Ive had intense councelling for this and it stems from deep ingrained insecurity , yes it is within you. the only way you will not lose him is if you get professional help to raise your self esteem to help you understand that it is your problem , not his. If you dont not get regular councelling to overcome this fear and insecurity it will ruin your relationship ( which i know from experience isnt good is it because your obsessing constantly about what he " might " do , and when you think he is controlled enough and you are at home together and you feel reassured he knows what you mean when you feel threatended and jelous of these other women ) please get help , i wasted so much of my life with this infliction, trust me professional help is the only way to get to the core reasons you are insecure and what steps can you do to remedy this, and the self talk that appears to happen automatically yes ? you deserve to be happy , and happy and confident in your relationship/s.
 
Replied By: brookebaby on Aug 24, 2014, 4:17PM
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years next month. He has told me he doesn't know whether to leave me or not because of the pain I have inflicted on him by being jealous. He is my WORLD, my rock, I know he's the one for me. But I can't seem to get over being jealous and not being able to say something about girls that he talks to that he works with. I'm DEATHLY afraid of him catching feelings for one of them and not telling me. I KNOW he would NEVER cheat on me, I know that. I'm just afraid of him finding another girl. And that's where my jealousy comes in. We both love each other very much but he just cannot stay with me if I continue down this jealous path. Being this way emotionally tears me apart. I've tried not snooping through his phone, I've tried not asking who has texted or called him, but I can never NOT say anything.. He's at the end of his rope with me, as much as he loves me, he doesn't deserve what I've put him through. I don't know how to fix this.. I cry nearly every night scared he's going to leave me while I'm getting help. But what if the help isn't enough? What if I'm still this disgusting jealous person with him? I need some kind of help... some kind of advice... or anything really....



Brooke
 
Replied By: kamaney411 on Aug 21, 2014, 5:54PM - In reply to rhezaauda
Aaawwww Rhezaauda I am sorry to hear this!  My husband cheated on me before with a co worker.  We separated for about a year and we eventually ended up remaining married.  That was about 5 years ago.  Whe have been married for 11 years together for 13.  Before making the decision to divorce sit back and evaluate if you can forgive him or not and also take some time to focus on you and your children.
 
Replied By: rhezaauda on Aug 20, 2014, 1:41PM
I just found out that my husband cheated on mr once he states with a random woman. This hurts me deeply. Been married for 4 years and together for six. We also have three children. I am lost and thinking about divorce. Someone please give me advicr.
 
Replied By: angelofmercy52 on Aug 17, 2014, 1:24AM - In reply to jeannehenckel
I was married to an abusive alcoholic for 10 years.  I found that, til deathdo us part, meant at his hands.  I decided I didn't sign up for that.  I took my daughter and left after spendding nights with a knife under my pillow.  I found out after the divorce, that my husband had been seeing other men, while I was at work.  He met a man during the custody battle.. Now they are "happily' marrried, and have been for years.  Yep, I sure know how to pick em!


~Holly~
 
Replied By: dougiezerts on Aug 13, 2014, 5:50PM
"I'm sorry, but I can't be 100% faithful to my spouse.  I have urges that I can't control--urges to have extramarital sex.  My spouse will either have to just accept this, or divorce me."
Is this true?  Are there people who TRUELY believe this?  Or are they merely fooling themselves and their wives/husbands?
I believe it's the latter!
 
Replied By: bwalters on Aug 8, 2014, 11:42AM
I have been married for 20yrs and love my wife. I like to do a bunch of little things all the time to show my love to her. When she comes home I give her hugs and kisses, I try to tell her she looks pretty and stuff like that. I am the kind of guy that is really touchy feely and she gets anoyed by me. I have a really high sex drive and she turns me down most of the time. I am not the kind of guy that thinks she should just trow her legs in the air, I am the kind of guy that rubs her back and gives kisses all over. I let her vent to me all the time and tell me how her day was. I want my wife constantly, but she does not want me.  Yes I've had affairs. I do not want to leave her and do not want anybody else. I do not know what to do with my sex drive though. I do masterbate that seems to only make it worst. I think some times affairs are more complicated than what people think. I have tried to not have an affair but going for over a month starts getting to me so bad I want to just scream and do stupid things. I do not know how to explain the relief I get from sex and I do not get relief from a 30 minute at a time thing. I need it all when it comes to sex. The touching, the feeling, kissing, hugging, and fore play. I want it to last for more than an hour and really enjoy more than 2hrs every time. I at least need near 1 hour to get the full filled feeling. My wife just wants her orgasm and be done. I want to give her more though and like to do more.

What the hell is wrong with me? Most guys my age are getting to where they can't anymore and I've been looking forword to that, but I've not slowed down yet and want to. I hate my sex drive! I do not ever want my wife to know about the affairs. I do not want to leave her. I owe her my life she has given me two of the most wonderful children I could ask for.
 
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