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Infidelity

 
Has your partner been unfaithful? Have you been the one to stray? How did you rebuild your relationship? Share your advice and get support from others.
Comments
Replied By: nini1987 on Aug 28, 2015, 2:47AM
I am deeply in love with someone. He moved away to give us a better life. He was supposed to come back for me. Tomorrow makes 5 weeks he's been gone. I've cried for 36 days straight day and night. We talked until a week ago than he stopped all communication with me. He found someone and they are dating. I'm deeply depressed, destroyed, hurt, and suffering. He won't give me closer or say a word. Can anyone tell how do I give myself closer? Do I give up on us for good?
 
Replied By: hurting1974 on Jul 19, 2015, 12:57AM - In reply to sabrokenheart
First of all, I am sorry that you are going through this...again.  I have been through a very similar relationship, and the result was not a positive one for us.  But you have to decide what's best for you...no one can tell you whether it will or won't work.  I think that it's a good sign that he is willing to go to counselin, but ultimately it is up to you if you want to give him the chance.  Listen to your gut, and do not ignore your intuition.  Once trust has been broken, it is very difficult to get it back...especially if he continues doing the same work that he's been doing.  Every time he leaves, it will be hard.

I commend you on thinking of your daughter, and the impact of the message she will receive from how her father treats her mother.  It's too bad that your husband isn't just as concerned with being a disloyal and neglectful example for his child to emulate in her future relationships.

I don't mean to sound harsh, or judgemental toward your husband but the fact that he was telling this person that he wished your daughter was theirs, while your father is dying is beyond hurtful and cruel.  Did you say that the first time this happened he said he'd never do it again?  I'm just sharing my opinion, like I said you have to decide what your boundaries are.  Sounds to me like you're an intelligent woman, just trust yourself. You've obviously capable of making it without him...
 
Replied By: sabrokenheart on Jul 17, 2015, 2:39AM
I have recently found out that my Husband was having his second affair in our 3 years of marriage, and am devastated to say the least. To give some background he is in a career where he takes wealthy foreigners on tours of our Country and travels for about 5/6 months of the year. These are often very private (2 or 3 people and often Fathers and Daughters etc). The first incident happened about two years after we got married, he got close to a girl on his tour and they kept in touch after she left. The messages were very emotional and sexual but it didn't last long, as I found out shortly afterwards. We never went for counselling as he was away a lot for the next couple of months and I worked through it and decided to give him a second chance. I was broken about it and he saw how it affected me and swore it would never happen again.  We now have a beautiful baby girl of nearly a year old and I really felt like the last year had been bliss and that our marriage was stronger than ever. About 3 weeks ago I found out that the same thing had happened on his most recent trip again. This time there was some messing around and kissing involved and they kept in contact afterwards, sending hundreds of daily messages, also sexual and emotional messages. He was pouring his heart out to her, telling her that she was his soulmate, how he wanted to be with her forever and she was so perfect etc. He was also sending her pictures of our daughter saying he wished she was there daughter. The worst part is that this was going on while my Dad was dying of cancer.  My husband was messaging this other woman the entire time while we were visiting my Dad is hospital. It was the saddest and hardest moment of my life seeing my Dad like that and he knew that. I confronted him as soon as I saw the messages (shortly after we returned home briefly from the hospital) and at first he denied it and then confessed and told me everything. He says he loves us and wants to work on our marriage and that he made a huge mistake. My Dad has since sadly passed away a week after I confronted my Husband and I am not dealing with either very well. I feel so betrayed and confused and I don’t know if I can get past this or if our marriage can survive it. He has sworn it will never happen again but he can’t seem to tell me why it happened. He says that if we went for counselling after the first time this wouldn’t have happened again. He has agreed to go for counselling (together and on his own) to work on this but I am still concerned. He has already left for his next trip and will be away for a month. How can we work on it if he is still in this environment and hardly here. I don’t want to raise my daughter in a broken home but at the same time I don’t want her to think this is okay, that it is okay for men to treat women this way. I am fortunate that I have an excellent support system and job and I can support my daughter and I. Any advice? Has anyone been through something similar and has your marriage survived?
 
Replied By: marget on Jul 2, 2015, 3:41AM
Seven years ago I married who I believe to be the love of my life. A few years into our marriage we had a son. After our son I noticed a decline in my husnands attraction for me. He was no longer interested in having sex. He would rather watch Internet porn.  He would stay up all night at his computer or away at his office working. I would work nights sometimes into the early mornings. I tried to make "alone" time for us. Each time I did I was rejected sometimes even violently rejected. Still I tried to be clever, I would dress up sexy, try to surprise him etc... He seemed to be underwhelmed by it all. It seemed like the harder I tried the more he would pull away. He would rather be left alone with his computer. Even telling me one time that I needed to get a boyfriend for the affection I was seeking. I asked him if he was serious and he said "yes" months went by and we were repeating the same steps over. A work colleague of mine noticed and started to ask questions out of what appeared to be concern. I found comfort in confiding in them since this person was also married it seemed like they had a good grip on things until my relationship with my work colleague turned into a year and half affair. My husband snooped around piecing together clues... After he was satisfied with the information he found I was woken out of my slumber and confronted about everything. I confessed that I had been cheating even that I had a miscarriage by the man I was having an affair with. I cut off the affair and ended up at square one again with no affection. Then my husband and I discovered that he had a porn addiction and that's what made him so cold. He says he cut porn out of his life but I don't know if it's true. He keeps bringing up my affair or talks about things that are insignificant to our growth and development.  When things are going well and we start to rebuild he says something cruel that happened from the past or says things like he can win custody of our child. Just last night I caught him sneakily making an audio recording of our conversation he was deliberately pushing buttons, egging me on, trying to get me to say things... It felt weird so I asked if he was recording us and he said yes. I woke up the next morning and I asked him to delete the recording. Letting him know that if he really wanted to build our marriage and work on things then why would he try to record me in a bad light. He said he would think about deleting the recording he made. He has a password on his phone that he won't give me I don't know if he's back watching porn or if it's something else. He says he wants to do everything possible to make our marriage work but it feels like he is only staying in our marriage to calculate a way to win custody over our son. He says he's really in it, that he loves me, and he wants us to make it, I want the same but I don't know if I can truly trust his motives. Any advice or insight would be helpful. 
 
Replied By: loveu42015 on Jun 27, 2015, 12:31PM
I live with my two year old son and his father. His father and I have been together for almost four years. But last year my son's father almost died and was in the ICU. His family didn't tell me for three days. I had no clue where he was and I was very worried. Then my son's grandfather came to the house and asked if he could get some boxes out of the garage. I said yes. While he was loading the boxes into his trunk he asked me if I knew where Sean was. I said no. He asked me where I thought he was. I said I hope he is at his nana's house getting better. Then his father turned and said Sean is in the ICU on life support. I was shocked. His father had been at the house for about twenty minutes before he even mentioned Sean. I was furious and felt completely screwed with as if it was a joke. Ever since then my boyfriends friends and family members have been lying to me and I feel like they have been playing games. I could be over reacting. What do you think this means?
 
Replied By: hurting1974 on Jun 12, 2015, 3:26PM - In reply to itguy32
No, you are not out of line.  She needs to put the shoe on the other foot...doubt she would like you doing that to her.  To me, respect should be common sense, but unfortunately it is not.
 
Replied By: momincolorado on May 29, 2015, 3:44PM - In reply to lovinsnow
There is a difference between privacy vs. secrecy.

Privacy is closing the door to use the restroom.

Privacy is closing the door to make love.

Privacy is driving to a secluded place to be intimate.

Privacy is creating a password to keep unknown people out of your private information.

Secrecy is creating a password that even your spouse doesn't know.

Secrecy is walking out of the room to answer a phone call.

Secrecy is keeping everything on lock down.

Secrecy is clearing the history on the computer.

I've been married for 25 years and wouldn't spend even a day in a situation like that! A relationship demands respect on both sides. You should either demand your right of transparency or walk away.
 
Replied By: hatesdrunks on May 27, 2015, 2:31AM - In reply to hatesdrunks
I need an intervention BAD!!!!!
 
Replied By: hatesdrunks on May 27, 2015, 2:25AM
How about  being married for 36 years got the big you have MS bomb dropped on you, Your husband deserts you and has an affair with a slut that not even as old as our marriage !!!  Because As Always Drinking Drinking and More Drinking
 
Replied By: lovinsnow on May 26, 2015, 10:45AM
My boyfriend of 7 years has all of his electronic devices password protected. He has a laptop, desktop, cellphone, ipad and ipod. He has it where you need a username and password to log into any emails, social media etc for all devices, if you have the password to get into the device. This has been an ongoing issue over the 7 years where he claims he is entitled to privacy. After becoming suspicious a few times over his actions, I found a conversation between him and another woman who was being abused by her boyfriend and he expressed how he would love to be there for her. He gets pretty drunk at times and passes out before locking down all his devices. He swears up and down that I am being paranoid and insecure. I am at the point where trust is an issue but not necessarily if he is chatting it up with other women, its the fact that these devices are all on lock down in our own home. I don't have access to his emails, facebook, or credit card accounts and not that I want to snoop, but have to wonder what is so private, you can't share with your partner. 


Any outside insight or opinion appreciated
 
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